Sam

Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional and not intended for minors or those judged unable by law to read this material. Any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental and unintended.

He knelt down at my side of the bed and said, "Not ready to get up? That's not like you."

I sat up and moved my legs to the side of the bed. He did not move. He was at that position in my fantasies about him sucking me. My dick sprang up and blood drained from my face.

He did not see my face but noticed the erection. "What do we have here? How do you propose that we take care of it?"

I noticed the word 'we' and when he looked at me there was a twinkle in his eyes.

SAM - 2

I opened my eyes very wide. My whole body was primed to let him take me into my mouth and my dick was throbbing with anticipation. The next thing I knew he was rolling on the floor laughing. He was laughing so hard.

"You should have seen the look on your face! Ha ha ha ..." he laughed.

I was hurt.

He took one look at my scowled face and stopped laughing. "You're not angry, are you?"

"Well, what do you think?"

"Sorry Sam, I did not know that you would take that seriously. It was just a joke. Don't be angry with me, please. I didn't mean to scare you. You are my best friend."

I kept quiet and his face began to look more anxious. "Come on Sam, it was just a joke. What I promised you last night still stands."

I could feel the tension in the air. I kept really quiet and his face began to be more and more anxious. I could not take it anymore. I started to smile and then to giggle. Before I knew it I was also laughing hard. Ben relaxed. He took a pillow and hit me on my back.

"Damn you, Sam, you had me going there for a moment!"

I took the other pillow and tried to defend myself, "One good turn deserves another. Who started it?"

His pillow came at me and I managed to parry it with mine. Then I hit him with the pillow on his neck.

"Oww, that hurts!" Ben exclaimed. "I admit, I was the one to cause it. When I saw you, I just could not help it. You are always the one playing the pranks, I just thought I would play one too. I apologise. Don't hit me a..." He did not have time to finish, I hit him again. He did not retaliate. "I accept punishment," was all he said.

"You're no fun. Can't even have a decent pillow fight," I said. I got off the bed and went straight to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and took a shower. When I came out, he was just coming back into the bedroom.

"I started the coffee going. Why don't you get a cup, I'll join you after I have had my shower, too. I didn't know what you wanted for breakfast, so I just took out a little of everything. If you want eggs, you'll have to wait until I finish my shower."

I nodded my head. I dressed and went into the kitchen. The aroma of fresh coffee was really inviting. I got a mug of coffee and sat down at the table where he had laid 'a little of everything'. There were some pieces of cheese, different kinds of cold cuts, a few slices of tomato and cucumber, jam and even cornflakes! "Ben must have quite a hefty breakfast," I thought to myself.

I had just made myself a sandwich when he came in dressed. He got himself a cup of coffee and sat down. He looked serious. I stopped myself from biting into the sandwich I made.

"Sam. I am sorry for what happened just now. When you were in the shower, I realised what a scare I must have given you. I cherish your friendship above all else. No one has ever stuck with me like you had. It was really thoughtless of me and I hope you will accept my apology."

I looked at him and nodded my head, "Apology accepted."

"Do you want any eggs?" he asked.

"I try not to take the stuff. My sandwich and coffee is fine with me."

Ben made a sandwich for himself and also had coffee.

"What are our plans today?" I asked Ben.

"I was hoping to get up to Point 75 today. I heard that the view is fantastic and it would be a perfect lunch-picnic place, weather permitting, of course."

"Okay, when do we set out?"

"We can leave here at eleven," he answered.

I looked at the clock on the wall and said, "That gives us about three hours to kill."

"Well, I neet to go to church."

"I didn't know that you went to church?"

"Well, we usually meet after I have gone to church. This is the first time you are spending Sunday morning with me. I started going back to church after I moved here. If you want to, you could join me."

"Perhaps I could get the picnic prepared whilst you are in church."

I was not really a Church goer. I just went with the family, but usually, my mind went elsewhere whenever the preacher preached. Religion had not played a big part in my life but apparently it did to Ben.

He accepted my answer. "Okay. I should be back by ten. You want to go back first or stay here?"

"I think I'll get home for a change of clothes," I said as I got up. I opened his refrigerator and larder, "furthermore, I think I've got more food than you've got here," I said.

Ben smiled. "I usually shop on Monday nights. Weekend grocery shopping is difficult because the supermarket is so crowded."

"Yes. But you do not get bargains outside the weekends," I added.

"True. But I still prefer to shop outside the weekends." He finished his coffee and then took my cup and his to the sink to wash them. As he was washing them, I helped to put away the food. "Want a lift back?" he asked.

"Naturally," I quipped.

He picked me up at my place at ten past eleven. We drove up to the foot of point 75. It was called Point 75 because the highest point was 75 feet above sea level. It did not really look like a hill. It looked more like just a forest. We had hiked there a couple of weeks before and liked the place. The clearing that Ben spoke of was a grass patch that looked out from a short cliff. It had a good view. We did not have the opportunity to appreciate the view the last time because it had begun to get dark. Now we are going straight to the clearing for our picnic.

The pack that Ben was carrying was quite large. I wanted to ask what was inside, but did not want to sound too nosey. We reached the clearing and the view was marvellous.

"We've got time to look, Sam," Ben said to me. "Help me get the picnic ready."

He took out a canvas sheet and laid it on the ground. I proceeded to get the salad and sandwiches that I prepared out. Then I saw why his pack was large. He took out a loaf of bread and some cheese, some fruits and a bottle of wine and two wine glasses.

"Someone is having a classy picnic here," I teased.

He laughed. "My aunt gave me this when I moved into the apartment. I could never find the time to drink it. Last night, we had a better wine. We get the normal stuff now. The glasses are plastic. You can't tell until you hold them. They are very light."

We had a good time eating and drinking to each other's health. When we finished our food, we still had half a bottle of wine to go.

Without a warning, Ben turned to me and said, "Sam, I am serious about not wanting to hurt our friendship."

"Ben," I began to say.

"Let me finish please, Sam. I know that you know that I am gay but that's all you know about me. I wish to bare my soul to you today. I want you to know where I come from. Perhaps, then, you will truly know me. I wish to tell you who I am today."

"I wish you could bare something else," I found myself thinking.

Ben then started talking:

My father is a music teacher. He had dreamed to be a concert violinist but never had the chance. He was a dedicated musician. I remembered how much I enjoyed hearing him playing the violin.

I worshipped my father. When I was three, I asked him to teach me the violin. I wanted to play just as he played. So everyday he will teach me to be comfortable with the instrument. In the beginning, I was just making noise. He was patient, but firm. I was a good student and he knew that. When I was five, I got a violin meant for children. It was then the drills started. Because I was determined to be as good as my father, I did not mind. He was not free with his praises, but he was a fair man. When I did good, he would say so, encouraging me further.

When I started school, I would run back home just to practise the violin. Then at the age of ten, the school started a new policy. Each student had to take up a certain sport. Because of the possible injury to my arms and fingers, contact sport was out. I could only swim and run, so I did swimming and running. I even ended up on the school swimming team and on the hurdling team as reserve. Because of my passion for the music, I would go back home immediately after classes or training. I had some friends and hung out with them during school and training, outside those times, I just went home. I did not even shower after training. I would just change and then head on home to get my shower and then start on the music. I found that I could save some time this way.

When I was twelve, I started learning about sex. At first it was from eavesdropping, if you can call it that, in the locker room. The boys, after training would be talking about sex and I would be listening to them when I changed. Well, one day, my habit of going home immediately after training got me some attention. One of my swimming team mates started teasing me. He had noticed that I didn't shower in school and he asked me, "You do not want to let people see how small your dick is, is that it?" The team captain, who had been a student of my father, tred to protect me. He told the other guy to leave me alone. But the other guy only teased more. I got angry and took off my swimsuit in front of everybody in the locker room. I was not that big, but I knew I was certainly bigger than the guy who teased me. I then said something that I could get bigger, too and that he was welcome to compare his with mine, or something to that effect.

I was dragged me from behind and pushed to a corner by the captain. He told me what I did was not something that everybody did and that that kind of behaviour would get me into more trouble. I thought he was mad at me. I was so distressed that tears just started flowing down from my eyes. The captain then tried to placate me. He told me he was not angry with me but decided that I needed to know some things. He made an appointment to see me during lunch break the next day. That time and more times after that, I talked to him and learnt about sex. Raymond, the captain, was three years older than I was and was very kind to me. He went away the next year. He was the closest thing to a close friend I ever had.

So, my days in school were regimented. I socialised only within school hours and training time. Any other spare hour was on my music or my homework. Because I was good in swimming and hurdling, I actually became quite popular. However I did not really make any close friends. I never hung out with them after school or training. I did not think anything of it because I wanted to be good in my music. Just before my fifteenth birthday, something happened that changed everything.

Two weeks before my fifteenth birthday, my mother died in a car accident. She wanted to bake for my birthday and needed one particular ingredient. My father was supposed to buy it from the supermarket but he forgot. He needed to be with me for practice and so my mother took the car out. A trailer truck lost control on the road and ran into my mother. The rescue team managed to rescue her from the wreck and got her to hospital. She died two days later. The first thing I did was to blame myself. If I had not been excited about my birthday, she would not have needed to go out. At the funeral that I found out I had an aunt who was a lot younger than my father. She was about to finish her studies but stayed with us to keep us company during the two weeks when everything seemed to be still.

After my aunt left, I stopped practising my music. I did not stay after school nor after training. When I got home, I went straight into my room and cried. After about a month, I would just sit in my room staring at my mother's picture and blaming myself. My grades suffered as a result but at least I did not fail anything. In the five months that this happened, my father and I hardly spoke. I had stopped practising, and he did not seem to mind. All the time I took his not talking to me as a sign that he blamed me too.

Then my aunt, who had graduated, suddenly appeared at the door one day and took charge. It was the summer after my fifteenth birthday. My father had not answered her calls, she decided that it was time for her to take a break before starting work at some research facility. She set everything straight. She first talked to me and found out how I felt. Then she talked to my father. It was difficult because both of us were very closed-up and had refused to talk at first. She perservered and managed to find out the truth. She then got us both together and set the cards on the table. I found out that my father had blamed himself for neither getting what my mother had wanted nor insisting on going to get it instead. He felt his failure as a husband got her killed. All this time, my silence gave my father the impression that I was blaming him!

My aunt had made a big impression on me. She became a substitute mother. I remember that she refused to allow me to call her 'auntie'. I was supposed to call her by her name. I was, and am still, very uncomfortable calling her by her name.

When everything settled down, I started to play the violin again. My father listened but was not really giving me any encouragement. I struggled, thinking that my playing had suffered because of all the months that I had stopped playing. Then my aunt told me that my playing reminded him of my mother and how she died. I don't think that my father ever forgave himself. Since it was summer, school was out. I had stopped blaming myself, and I had also stopped playing the violin. I had a lot of time in my hands. It was then that I befriended a neighbour. She was in my class and I used to spend a lot of time at her place, usually helping her mother in the gardening. Twice every week, we would go to the lake to swim. I really enjoyed her company. Sometimes, her friends would come along, but somehow, the guys in that group and I did not really get close. I think it was because she was interested in me and her friends kind of understood that and thought of us as girlfriend-boyfriend. I never thought about it this way. Nothing was ever said. She was just a good friend.

One evening, just before dinner, she invited me to her home. We were talking and she said she really liked me. Being the naive guy I was, I said I liked her and she was the best friend a guy could have. She turned pale and cried and chased me out of the house. I just stood there shocked. Her father saw her crying into the house and came out hurriedly, in an angry voice and asked what happened. I explained and he told me not to come back again. I was shocked. I just told someone that she was a good friend of mine and then I was chased out of the house! I related the story to my aunt and she had a fit of laughter. When she calmed down, she explained everything to me. Then, she gave me a book about relationships. After reading the book, I realised what really happened between the girl and me. Anyway, her mother never blamed me. I took a chance and visited her place when her father was working. She was not in, but her mother was. I apologised to her mother for not realising her daughter's feelings. She smiled and told me that her daughter was at fault too. She said that her daughter's presumptions and expectations were the problem and that I was not to be blamed. She knew that I had never even held her daughter's hands. I still went to help her in her garden in summer but I never had a chance to make up with her daughter again.

The book that my aunt gave me helped me to realise that I was different. It had a chapter that dealt with homosexuality. I began to realise that I was really attracted to boys. Little things made me realise this. I get turned on by the muscle man ads in comic books but the naked women in the National Geographic did nothing for me. I noticed more the men at the public swimming pool but not the women. My sexual fantasies have always been about men. I knew that it could have been a passing phase and kept myself open to that possibility. When I got into university, I was pretty sure by then that I was gay.

I majored in Mathematics at the university. One of my father's friends was on the management board of a prestigious school in the next town. After graduation, I was offered a teaching post by that school. Being interested in teaching, I took up the post. Being a prestigious school, politics are rife. There was political wrangling even among the teachers! One wrong word and a potential promotion or raise might take another two or more years. My problem was that I was not worried about the promotions and the raises. I wanted to teach. I was popular with the students. I guess, too popular ...

It was that popularity that got me into trouble. The fifteen year old boy in question was actually big for his age, maybe that was why he was in the wrestling team. He was a handsome lad. If you did not know his age, you would think he was seventeen or eighteen.

One day, he came to my office and asked me a series of questions concerning the male body. I remember my naivete and confusion during my teenage years and so decided to be honest and help him. After talking about it, he stood up with a prominent erection pointed at me. He looked shy and apologised. I just laughed it off and said that it was a normal reaction for the topic we were discussing. Then he asked me if I had the same reaction. I must admit that the sight of his erection had gotten me aroused too. I said yes and then he asked if he could look at it and perhaps 'take care of it' for me. The alarms in my mind just went off. I knew this was dangerous. I said no. I said that we did not need to 'take care' of anything. Nature would take its course. Then he said that I should not worry, he knows I was gay and that I had been to the gay bar. I guess I lost it there and then. I told him not to spout lies and told him to get out. He looked very angry but he left.

Two days later, I got called to the principal's office regarding a complaint. He asked me regarding this boy. I told the principal what happened, but he did not believe me. It seemed that the boy had gone to a doctor who had written a report about how I had bruised the boy's penis. I kept saying that I never touched the boy. The principal then said that even so, the complaint would cause a great scandal to the school and it was the kind of publicity the school could do without. He suggested that I resign immediately and he will see to it that the parents of the child would not press charges.

What could I do except tender my resignation there and then. It seemed that every teacher was avoiding me when I left the principal's office. The janitor, a kind old man, told me that the principal's secretary had passed the news to everyone. I was truly on my own. I felt like a leper. No one wanted to have anything to do with me.

When my father found out, he did not even listen to me. He just told me to leave the house and never come back. I guess his friend informed him. What I was not prepared for was his harshness. I was in a daze when I left the house. I did not even have time to pack much. I did not know where to go. I took a chance with my aunt because I did not know how she would react to my confession. If she did not take me I don't know what else I could have done.

After listening to that long story, I began to realise who Ben was. He had gone through so much, much tougher than my life. I wanted to just hug him, but I had not told him about myself. I was just about to start when he looked into the view of the town and smiled.

"I'm glad that we came here and that I told my story. I needed to tell someone everything. I figured that you were that someone because you seem to be genuinely caring for me, not like many people who had come into my life. I do not hold the boy any grudges now. What's past is passed, there is no need to dwell on it. However, I just wonder how the boy found out that I was going to that bar. I had only been there three times!"

"Three times? I had the impression you frequented the place."

"Who gave you that impression?" Ben asked.

"You. You spoke of it so matter-of-factly. In fact, you used the word 'frequented'."

"I did?" He smiled and gave a sigh. "Guess I did make it sound that it was something I did every night. I found the address of the place from the internet. It took me about two months before I built up my courage to go there. It is not strictly a gay bar, but it is well known that it is frequented by gays." He took a sip of wine and then he continued.

"The first time I entered, I ordered a beer and sat down with the bartender. She immediately picked out that I was gay. I said that I was a little bored and decided to come for a drink. She must have been a psychic, because she said that I was there to check people out. Then she warned me that I should have gone with someone because I could get into trouble for being alone. Quite a number of guys tried to pick me up but I turned them down. I was there because I thought I could get to know someone who was like me. I wanted to make contact with people who were struggling like I was. After I finished my beer and about four of five propositions later, I decided to head back home."

"Then, the loneliness got to me and I returned the next week with the same results. The following week, there were more people in the bar. The bartender did not have the time to chat with me. I did have more propositions, though. I was sickened by what those guys wanted. They did not want to know me, they just wanted sex. So I resolved not to go back there again even though I never made any friends there."

He paused and took a deep breath. I was a little apprehensive about this sign because the last time he had done so, I ended up having to comfort him. Not that I did not want him to be in my arms, but I had to struggle not to take advantage of him.

"Sam, you are the first who looked at me as a person. I was treated like a sex object in that bar. My loneliness drove me there. I yearned to connect with one who was like me, someone who understood how I felt and the struggles I had. I am beginning to understand why there was such a misunderstanding about gays. In that bar, all these people wanted was sex. They weren't interested in me, just how I would perform. After that third visit to the bar, I realised that that was not the place to go to find friends. Someone must have recognised me there, because except for visiting there, I had never come out to anyone. Since coming here, I have been keeping a low profile. You are the one who has kept me from being totally isolated. Thanks for being there, Sam."

I blushed. I wanted to direct the conversation away from me, and so I asked, "If you don't mind me asking, Ben, didn't you ever think of getting a wife and having kids?"

He smiled, "Yes, there were times when I wished I could be like other guys, finding a girl and settle down. I knew how to function as a husband, but I knew that my sexual orientation would surely cause problems in my family life. I have seen how small things cause a marriage to break up. I do not want to think that I should put any woman through that kind of suffering. If there were kids, how would the kids be affected by a breakup. No, I realised I had to accept who I was."

"You know, Ben. After all that you have said, I still think you are a great guy, gay or not."

Ben smiled, "Thanks. I cherish your friendship. I see in you a real good friend and a confidante."

Ben did not hear my response. It was in my head, "I wish you could see that I love you."

We spent the rest of the day hiking in the forest. I became quite a tour guide as I spotted certain animals and plants that I had to work with in the labs. Ben seemed quite impressed with my knowledge.

"Boy, you sure know your nature." Ben said as we came out of the woods.

"Its my bread and butter. I work in a biological laboratory, don't forget. I guess you could teach me a thing or two, since you are a teacher."

"I teach Math. All is logic and abstract. Nothing like what you know."

He drove me back to my apartment.

"Want to come up for a drink?"

"I'll pass. I have to get tomorrow's lesson ready. Some other time, perhaps."

"Just call, you know the number."

"Yes. Bye!" he said as he waved at me.

I got back to my apartment and took a long shower. I stroked myself as I remembered him: the way his hardness felt at my butt, and the way his behind wiggled as we were hiking in the woods. It did not take me long to reach my climax. It took me another orgasm to get me to sleep.

Several months later, as I was finishing work on Wednesday, Prof. Lake came in to see me.

"Sam, I'm glad I caught you before you left. I have some marvellous news for you."

I looked up wondering what the news is about.

"I have managed to talk to Ben's father. That old coot finally admitted that he was too hasty in judging his son. He now wants Ben back."

SAM - 3

My heart fell. If Ben went back, then I might never see him again. I managed to fake a smile, "That's really good news. Does he know yet?"

"No. There is another bit of news, though. That boy who accused Ben?"

"Yes?"

"Some policemen caught him naked with an older boy in the bushes. They were definitely not playing hide and seek. Anyway, when questioned, the boy's companion confessed that the boy had been with him months before Ben was accused. They couldn't affirm whether the boys had been together at about the time of the complaint, but the parents had made an apology to the school, stating that it was highly probable that Ben was innocent after all. They have removed their son from the school to save face."

"Good, then. Ben's in the clear."

"The school is willing to reinstate him with compensation."

"Good for him."

My voice was happy and I was grinning. But deep inside, I was anxious. If Ben got his old job back, I will never see him again. I hoped that Prof. Lake did not notice my despair.

"I came by to tell you the good news. I'll break it to him over dinner tonight. Wish me luck!"

"Good luck!" I said as excitedly as I could pretend to be.

When she disappeared from my sight, I got up and decided to get some air. Fortunately, I only had to wait for the printer to churn out results. I got to the next room and found Sarah, one of my colleagues.

"Sarah, I need to leave now. Can you cover for me? What's left for me to do is to let the printer finish printing and then turn off the computer and printer."

"Sure love," Sarah said. She was also busy at the computer. She turned around and then said to me, "You look kind of pale. Is everything okay?"

I gave a small smile. "It's just that I have something I've got to do and I am running late. Guess I am a little anxious, that's all."

"Don't worry, love. Just don't get an ulcer with all the anxiety and stress, okay?"

"Thanks Sarah, I owe you."

"Think nothing of it. Take care, Sam."

"Bye."

Sarah was a gem. She was a hard worker and she had been in the laboratory twice as long as I have. She was no pushover, but she was helpful. I had covered for her when her baby was sick and she was grateful. She called everybody she knew, 'love', except the professor, of course.

I left the building and was fighting my tears. I took the back streets instead of the main road because it was too crowded. My tears were already flowing out. I was thankful that no one I knew spotted me.

Once in my living room, I sat on the easy chair and began to sob. All I could think was that Ben was going away and that he would never know how I felt about him. I did not know how long I cried, but I finally sat back and dozed off.

My telephone woke me. I got up with a start. It was dark in my living room. I stood up and found my way to the switch. I got to the phone and picked it up.

"Hi, Sam speaking."

"Hi Sam, this is Ben. What took you so long to come to the phone? Did you just come back?"

"Oh Hi Ben. I was in the shower," I lied.

I heard a chuckle on the other end. "Sorry. You must be dripping on your living room floor now. I just called to say that my father and I have made up. I was even offered the job at the school back. Seems that that boy who accused me was not so innocent after all."

"Your aunt told me at work today."

"So you know! Everything is working out fine in the end, isn't it?"

"Yes. So, you'll be going back home and to that first teaching job?" I asked, hoping that he would give me a favourable answer.

"Yes and no. I will be going home, but not immediately. I still have to honour my contract here. There is still one week of school left. After that it would be two weeks of exams and then the summer holidays. I haven't decided whether to take the old job, considering the way they treated me."

"Oh. Well, take your time to make the right decision."

"Yes. I just wanted to share with you this bit of good news. Go back to your shower before you flood your whole living room!"

"Bye Ben."

"Bye."

I heard the click and then I put down the phone. I was a little more hopeful now. At least he is not leaving immediately. However, three weeks is not a long time. He would be really busy during these three weeks. This meant I had only two weekends to workout how to tell him about myself. What's worse was that the immediate weekend happened to be the anniversary of my parents' wedding. That meant that I had to tell him only the following Sunday. I kicked myself for not being truthful to him from the first moment. However, when one has been in the closet for so long, it was not easy to come out, especially to someone who trusted you so much. After a while, I told myself that it was better if he did not know. At least his friendship was secured as long as I did not tell him. It was much safer that way.

I was quite surprised when he called me after work on Friday.

"Sam, are you free this weekend?"

"No, it's my parents' anniversary. I will have to go back tomorrow morning and only be back Sunday night."

"Oh. What about the following weekend?"

"I'll be free."

"Can I reserve that weekend? I would like to spend some time with you before I go home."

I jumped. "You mean you've made your decision?"

"No, not yet. I do not want to make this decision so quickly. I'll mull over it when I am at home."

"Oh. I'm sorry that I cannot be with you on Sunday. Tell you what. I will tell my parents that I will spend the following weekend with you. I mean the whole weekend. Is that a deal?"

"Yes. Thanks Sam. See you then."

"Bye."

The wedding anniversary celebrations were wild. My brothers and sisters, and their spouses had everything planned. Because only my younger sister and me were the only ones not married, we had to take care of the nephews and nieces whilst the others brought my parents down memory lane. Lunch on Saturday was at the place my parents had their first date. Then dinner was at an intimate place where my father proposed. Lunch was out of town: the first place out of town that we ate at when we were all born. I was sure that my parents were pleased. I did my job of entertaining my two nephews whilst my younger sister looked after my niece. I must say that I had an easier job looking after the nephews who were already in school. Diana, my sister, had a tougher job. My three year old niece always wanted to be carried!

On Sunday, just as I was leaving, I told my parents that I would not be coming home the next weekend. My mother then called me aside and asked, "What's the matter?"

"I'll be spending time with Ben. He is going back north. It's like a going away weekend."

"I did not mean that. I noticed that you were here and yet, were not."

"You are speaking in riddles. How can I be here and not here?"

"Don't make me explain young man. I know something is bothering you. I know that I probably should not interfere, but I am concerned. I am not worried yet, just concerned."

"Perhaps that I would be saying good bye to a good friend next week," I suggested.

She frowned a little and then said something really strange, "Well then, make good use of the time to strengthen your relationship with Ben," she said.

Her words kept ringing in my mind on board the train. She used the word, 'relationship'.

The next week dragged on really slow. Ben did not call. I wanted to call him but I did not want to sound too anxious. Finally Friday came and I received his call at work. He had made reservations for dinner. Dinner was dominated by small talk and little jokes about work and our lives in general.

When we were finishing our dessert, he asked, "Mind if you drop by my place after dinner?"

"Of course not."

The drive back to his place was filled with the same small talk we made at dinner. I could not help but notice that Ben was a little nervous. He was making talk just to cover his nervousness. I could see the anxiety in his eyes.

When we reached his place, we removed our jackets and got comfortable. He got me a drink and with one for himself he sat opposite me across the coffee table.

He sat upright and leaned towards me. "Sam. What I am going to say is probably going to startle you a little. We have very little time left and I need to tell you this. However, I don't know how you are going to react."

I sat up.

"Sam, I think I have fallen in love with you."

I just sat there blinking. I could not believe my ears. It was exactly what I wanted to hear.

I guess I was basking in this good news a little too long because he added after a pause, "I know that you will probably be angry with me but I needed to tell you the truth. I know that I could not leave here without you knowing the truth."

I just did not wait for him to say anything else. I got up and walked over to his side of the coffee table. He jumped up with fear in his eyes. I guess he thought I was going to hit him. I just took him into my arms and kissed him, on the lips. That took him by surprise but he did not resist.

I broke the kiss and said, "I've always wondered what that felt like."

He looked confused.

I released him and said, "Ben, I have been hiding something from you. I am gay. I've been gay before I met you and gay when I fell in love with you that first day you walked into my life."

He had a look of shock in his face and then slowly it changed into a grin. This time there was no need for words. His lips met mine and we kissed. I opened my mouth and let his tongue enter it. I think my teeth got in the way of his tongue because he suddenly broke the kiss and there was a pained look on his face.

I smiled, "Sorry, I forgot to tell you I have never been with anyone before. Inexperience often gives painful lessons."

He grinned. "So you are a virgin. So am I. Two gay virgins trying their first kiss. That must be a rarity in the world!"

We laughed and then hugged each other.

"I think," I said, "we need to take this slow. There are many things I know in theory but I have never tried them. I fantasize about how they would be like but have never really done it. I suggest we go slow and not rush things. I sure don't want to hurt you."

He nodded his head as I took his hand and led him into his bedroom. All this time he had been very quiet. I could tell that he was not secure with what we were doing.

"Ben. If you want me to stop, I'll stop. Heck, it is my first time too. You have to give me some indication about how you feel because right now it feels good."

Ben nodded his head and said quietly, "Sam, I have fantasized about you since that morning I played that prank on you. Now that we are at this juncture, I don't know ..."

"No pressure. As I said before, if you say stop, I'll stop. Up to now, we have just kissed. So far, is it okay?" Ben nodded his head. "Was it good?" Another nod. "Let's do it some more?" A third nod.

I lay on the bed and pulled him on top of me and we started kissing. It was not forceful but passionate. Certainly not like those rough kissing I have seen in the porn movies. His lips and his tongue were gentle. We broke for air and he continued to kiss my cheeks, my eyes, my face and my neck. I did not stop him. It was the most sensual thing that I have experienced to date. Hey, this was my first time!

As he moved down my neck he kissed me through my shirt. He went lower and continued until he reached my crotch. He lightly kissed my hardness. I took a sharp intake of breath. I don't know how to describe the feeling. It was ticklish and at the same time so pleasurable. He got back to my lips and began to kiss me with more urgency.

I do not know how long we were there kissing because slowly we began to remove our clothing piece by piece. Before long we were naked. We touched and explored our bodies with our fingers lingering when the other showed that it was giving him a little more pleasure. We were stroking everywhere except our dicks because we knew that the moment we touched there, we would probably come and we wanted the pleasure to last.

However, the build up was getting more and more uncomfortable, to the point of pain. I was on top of Ben kissing his neck when he suddenly whispered, "I'm going to come."

I got up with my knees on each side of his thighs. His hand instinctively went to his dick and he began to pump as he spurted. I darted my eyes from his dick to his face and I saw the waves of pleasure that overtook him. As his orgasm subsided, I realised that I was also pumping my organ. Pleasure overwhelmed me and I began to spurt on his chest. When I was done, I opened my eyes and saw his smiling face.

"I see that you had a good time at my expense."

I frowned in puzzlement. Then he pointed at his chest and I understood. We had both come on his chest and globs of come were slowly moving from his chest and threatened to soil the bed.

"Give me a minute," I said as I hurried to the bathroom to get a toilet roll.

"You've got twenty seconds. It's moving very fast!"

I came back with the roll of paper. Quickly but carefully, I wiped up the semen that we had both produced. When I was finished, I took the waste and dumped it in the toilet and flushed. I got back to the bedroom and pulled him up from the bed saying, "Let's take a shower together."

We took a long time in the shower. Most of the time was spent on soaping each other. I took my time soaping his chest, marvelling the expanse of it.

As he was soaping me, he said, "You have a nice body, Sam."

"You've have a nicer body. I am like a barrel. I've got a thick middle. I always had a problem with my abdomen. Most people have six or eight muscles there, I've only got one. No matter how many crunches or sit-ups I do, I can't get definition. The layer of fat round the middle never seems to want to go away."

"Don't look down on yourself. I like the way your body looks. Anyway, I am attracted to it and especially to the person that inhabits it."

"You are just saying that. You have a nice abdomen. Though not much definition, but definitely almost no fat. Train with crunches and see how those six or eight muscles come out," I challenged.

"Don't short change yourself," he said.

We rinsed ourselves and then with the shower still running, I knelt down. He started to protest but I had him against the wall. I swallowed him and he had a sharp intake of breath. I bobbed my head like in the movies and I could feel his organ getting bigger. He tried to push me away, but I pinned him to the wall. "Sam, I am coming," he almost shouted, but I kept at it. He relented and began to fill my mouth. At the same time, I took care of myself with my hand. As his organ stopped throbbing, I came on his feet. His dick remained in my mouth as I finished milking my dick. Releasing his organ, I cleaned his feet.

He pulled me up to my feet when I finished and he kissed me. "You didn't need to do that," he said.

"Yes, I did, I was all over your feet."

"I mean the blow job. I love you with or without you blowing me." There was some irritation in his voice.

"I just wanted you to enjoy yourself," I replied in a hurt voice.

"Sorry, Sam. I enjoyed it. I just ... just don't want you to think that my love for you demands that you service me."

He dried me carefully making sure that I was dry in all the crevices. I really enjoyed his taking care of me. All this was done in silent seriousness and I did not want to break his concentration. He shooed me to bed, promising that he would join me as soon as he dried himself.

He kept his promise and lay on the bed beside me. He pulled my head on his chest and gently kissed my forehead. "Sleep, my love. We need to conserve our energy for tomorrow. Just remember, I love you." Then he pulled up the covers and with his arm still around my shoulder and neck, rocked me ever so slightly to sleep. I slept peacefully knowing that we will still be together tomorrow.

The next morning, he drove me outside town to a part of the countryside that I have never seen before. He parked the car and we started hiking up this trail. He led me to a beautiful sight. There was a rock pool with a waterfall. The water was crystal clear. However, we were not the only people there. There were quite a number of people there, but we cannot say that the place was crowded. There was ample place for everyone.

"This place has not been discovered by many people. The father of one of my students told me about this place. He had brought his family here a couple of times. Once discovered, I think there would not be any place left for us."

"Have you been here before?" I asked.

"Just once, just to make sure how to come here. I only learnt of this place two weeks ago."

When we got to the pool we could make out a family of six and a young couple there. We waved when the family waved to us. We spent the morning, swimming and sunning ourselves. At about twelve, we collected our things and left the waterfall. We had lunch at a fast food place. Then we went back to my place and we took a nap. We work up and decided to take a stroll in one of the parks, had tea at a small cafe and then got back to his place. We did not have dinner that night. We did not feel hungry, but we did have each other.

We spent Sunday in much the same way, relaxed and with each other. For lunch, we got up to Point 75 and had a picnic lunch there. There was no one at the clearing, and we held each other, whispering 'I love you's whilst enjoying the view. We knew that in town, it would be risky to even hold hands.

After dinner at my place, we watched a video. We held each other as we watched it. I was not really into the movie. I only wanted to be with him but he held me close and held me tighter whenever there was a touching scene. He seemed to be enjoying himself.

After the movie, he gave me a peck on the lips and got up. "I guess I'd better go home."

"Can't you stay the night?" I asked.

He smiled, "I need to get my work done. I leave for my father's on Saturday afternoon. I have got everything planned out. I need to get home and get started. If I stayed, I know I won't finish what I have to do."

"Oh, okay." I said sadly.

"Don't look so downcast. If there are no cock-ups, we can spend Thursday night together."

I brightened up. "You mean it?"

"I'll give you a call to tell you when I'll pick you up for dinner."

I waited very anxiously for Thursday. He eventually called.

"Pick you up in twenty minutes," he said.

"Don't I get to change?" I asked.

"You don't have to. You'll see why. Love you."

He picked me up and brought me to his place. I was surprised. He simply smiled. I found out why I need not have changed when I entered his apartment. He had moved his living room furniture to one side and in the middle there was a simple dining table. Next to it was a trolley, on which, I guessed, was the meal. On the table was a single thick candle and a small vase with a single red rose. He seated me down and said, "There is nowhere more intimate than this place. I thought and thought of where we could go for dinner, but none was more intimate. So ..."

I smiled and he bent down to kiss me. He served dinner, it was a simple fish dinner with white wine. Simple, elegant and intimate.

After dinner, he turned on some light music, and we slow danced a little. Few words were spoken, we just savoured the moments together. When we had had enough dancing, he brought me to the bedroom and we made love, just like the first time. We kissed, touched, stroked and hugged. There was no hurry, no urgency. I was on top of him tasting his lips and enjoying his tongue in my mouth. When the I could not take the tension anymore, I lifted myself up from the bed. He looked at me and must have sense the need to get off in my eyes because he wrapped his hand over my organ started to stroke me. His other hand went to his own. I tried to look at him but his touch was so electrifying that I instinctively clenched my eyes shut. It did not take me long to reach orgasm. After my second spurt, I forced my eyes open and saw that he was also nearing the climax. After he came, he said to me, "There is a box of tissues to my right. Use it."

I grinned, "You were prepared this time."

"Better be safe than sorry."

We took a shower together in silence, but I did not give him a blow job like the last time. However, instead of sleeping with my head on his chest, he curled up behind me, spoon fashion. He kissed my neck and wrapped his arms around me. I slept almost immediately.

When I awoke the next morning, I realised that he was already awake. His arms were still around me. "You are awake early this morning." I commented.

"I love you, too, Sam. I've a full day today. I have to collect the report cards that I left at the principal's office. Then give them out. Of course there'll be the usual last-day-of-school speech by the principal."

"Have you decided to go back to your old job?"

"No," he did not give an explanation. Then he added, "Sam, I think that it is better if you got home to see your parents on Saturday."

I turned to face him, "But I have told my parents I would see you off at the airport."

"Please, Sam," he said, "I hate good-byes. I really don't want to go but I need to see my father and make peace with him in person. I don't think I can handle you coming to send me off." His eyes were pleading to me.

I was disappointed. I could not say good-bye to him. "Alright. I'll go home, but I would not like it."

He looked me in the eye and said, "Not saying good-bye means that we will see each other again."

My spirits lifted. Was he telling me that he had already half decided to stay. I did not have a chance to ask him because he got up and took his shower.

He brought me to work. His last words to me were, "Remember, Sam, I love you."

I replied, "I love you too," and got out of his car.

We never said good-bye at the airport. I had hoped that he would call me when he reached home, but he did not. I received some news about him from the professor on Monday. He had reached home safe and sound. After that, there was no news. After more than two weeks of silence from Ben, I decided to ask the professor.

It was a Thursday morning. I got in a little early and waited in front of the professor's office. When she came in, she smiled and asked, "So what can I do for you today, Sam?"

"Prof., any news from Ben?"

"Well, the last time we talked was when he reached home. He didn't call you?"

"No," I said disappointedly, "he didn't even write."

"That is strange. Ben told me you were his closest friend. Did something happen before he left?"

"Uh ... No, prof. I mean we got together for dinner and drinks that Thursday night, you remember, then after that he left. He did ask me not to send him off because he did not like good-byes, though"

"Let me check," she said and she went into her office.

She came back after some time. "I've just talked to my brother, Ben's father. He said that Ben decided not to take up his old job. He said that he wanted to return here. He left home last weekend. I also tried his home and there is no answer."

"This is not like him." Prof. Lake went on. "The experiments can wait. Sam, come with me to his apartment. I have his spare key. Perhaps he came back but did not have the time to call us. If he is back, then his apartment would have signs that it was lived in."

Nothing in his apartment indicated he had come home.

"Maybe he had an accident?"

"Perhaps, but the hospital should have called someone. Not even the school has called me ... the school!" She got her address book from her purse and then called up the school. Negative. They had not heard from him since he left. "Let me try something. I have a friend in the police force who owes me a few favours." Again, looking at her book, she found the number and called her friend.

As she was calling, I spotted something on the kitchen counter. I picked it up, crushing it with my hands. When the professor was ending the call, I absent-mindedly put the paper into my pocket.

She said, "We can only wait. He will call me if anything turns up. Technically, we could file a missing persons report, but we are not really his next-of-kin. He does not have to tell us where he is. Anyway, let us go. We have done all we could."

We got back to the lab and tried to get to work. I found it hard but managed to finish some part of the experiment that we were currently doing. The professor's friend did not find anything.

I went home with a heavy heart. There was anxiety and fear, and there was even anger. I did not have any appetite and cried myself to sleep. The next day produced no news as well. I lugged myself to work and time passed slowly.

The next morning, I took the train back to my parent's. I reasoned that a change of atmosphere would do me some good. Of course I was wrong. I pretended that I had a heavy week and was more tired than usual. I spent most of the time in my old room. That room held many memories for me. However, it did not take away my present preoccupation with Ben.

My mother came up, bringing me a glass of warm milk and cookies.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm just tired, that's all."

"I brought you some warm milk and cookies."

"Thanks Mom."

"Let's chat a while, okay?" I nodded my head as I sipped the milk and took a cookie. She continued, "I won't talk about work. That's the reason you're so tired. Shouldn't make you feel more tired, should I?" she said with smile. I smiled back. "So what can we chat about? Yes, what happened to that nice boy, Ben?"

My mother struck a nerve. Of all people, why him? And why now? I decided to change a subject. "He's really a nice guy, isn't he?" She nodded. "Sometimes, I wish I looked more like him instead of being barrel-shaped."

She frowned. "You look fine to me. You are not obese or anything. You shouldn't put yourself down this way. You were always doing that to yourself as you were growing up."

"I wasn't," I countered.

"Maybe not always but I wished you could have shared more with your father and me."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Now that you're grown up, I suppose I could tell you. Just remember, I'm not saying this just to embarrass you."

"OK."

"I remember that I once found a particular stack of magazines under one of the boxes in your closet."

I must have blushed because my mother chuckled. "You saw those?" I asked.

"Yes. After going through your two brothers, we got used to boys growing up. At first, your father wanted to talk to you himself. But I managed to convince him to ask Eddie to talk to you."

"You mean that that summer when Eddie came to tell me about ... you mean you sent him?"

She nodded. My eldest brother had spent one summer weekend when I was thirteen telling me about sex. I even showed him my collection of girlie magazines. I had always wondered why he did not spend that weekend with his mates, like he used to do.

"I must admit that I felt very special that summer," I said, "I was always the little kid to Eddie. That summer, I felt that Eddie treated me like a man."

"So how's Ben?" she asked as my horror returned. I knew that I had not succeeded in changing the subject. Now, she would be insisting on answers.

"I guess he is fine."

"What do you mean? You sound as if you don't know."

"Well he went home for the summer."

My mother smiled, "Then, you must be missing him."

"Huh?"

My mother shook her head, "Don't pretend Sam, I saw how you looked at that boy."

"What do you mean?" I was getting a little hot under the collar.

"Sam," my mother knew I was uncomfortable. "I know that you are ... how do you call it, ... merry? ... No ... Gay! Yes. I know that you are gay."

I stared at my mother in unbelief. How could she know? I was so careful. I even brought girls home when I was in school. How could she had figured out?

"Don't be surprised, Sam. I know. Mothers have a way of knowing these things."

"Mom ..." I did not know what else to say. A wave of panic started to spring from my heart to the rest of my body. I began to tremble.

"Sam, are you okay? I'm sorry for saying this so suddenly."

I started to weep. How could things be okay when your secret is out in the open?

"Sam. I have thought about your gayness for quite a while. At first I could not accept it. When you brought those girls home, I wanted to believe that you were not gay. But I knew. I just knew. I never told anyone. I figured that when the time was right, you would say something. That was why I was worried for you when you wanted to move out. I was afraid that you would never come back because you did not want us to know about it. When you brought Ben home, I figured that you had accepted yourself and was waiting for you to say something, but you didn't. Sigh! I guess you were afraid of your father's reaction. In fact, I am, too. I have been married to him all these thirty years. Many things are predictable with him, but this, I cannot predict."

I dried my tears as much as I could. "I'm sorry I hid the truth from you. I didn't know if you'd understand."

My mother gave me a hug. I suddenly felt a burden lifted up. Mom knew and she is okay with it. At least, I did not have to pretend in front of her.

"Why don't you call Ben, then?" she asked.

"I don't know. He went home and did not call, nor did he write. I found out that he left home a week ago and there is no news."

"Now that can be worrying. It may be nothing, though. He could have gone for a short holiday somewhere just to recharge himself."

"At least he should have told me."

My mother paused, then asked me, "Are both of you a couple?"

"Well, we never made any explicit decision to be a couple," I answered cautiously.

"I mean, have you ... you know ... done it?" my mother asked shyly.

How do you tell your mother that you had sex with another man? I laughed, "Why Mom, you are very curious today, aren't you." I saw her blush. I blushed, too, when I added quietly, "Yes."

She smiled and advised, "Listen, don't make a mountain out of a molehill."

"I know, but I wonder if he knows that he is hurting me this way."

"When you see him, tell him. Anyway, I pray that it will be well for both of you."

to be continued.

comments welcome. Please email me solark36@yahoo.co.uk