This is a story about gay love, so if reading such things is offensive to you or if it is not legal for you to do so, proceed at your own risk. This is fiction. All people, places and events are the product of the writer's own imagination. All rights are retained by the author.
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Sam, chapter 13
When Jay woke up from his nap at about four thirty, he found to his delight that he could actually see a little out of one eye! Excited, he got up and went to the bathroom to look in the mirror. He was a bit apprehensive about getting that first glimpse of his battered face, but he just had to see it for himself. He switched on the light in the bathroom and turned toward the mirror, his stomach churning slightly. He could open his eye only partially, but enough to give him a little sight at least. As soon as he saw himself, he gasped, and his churning stomach gave a lurch like he was going to be sick. He managed to get a hold of himself, however, and growing bolder, he peered more closely, studying himself intently. Once his rather morbid curiosity was satisfied, he turned away from the mirror, took a pee in the toilet and made his way back to his bed.
He found the switch to raise the head end a bit more so that he was halfway sitting up, and then sinking back against his pillow, he let his mind run a replay of the day, reliving all the wonderful things that had happened and thinking about all the special people who had come to mean so much to him. Twilight gradually deepened outside and the soft light coming in through the window near his bed slowly grew fainter until it was all but dark inside the room.
Suddenly he was roused out of his reverie by the squeak, squeak, squeak of the meals cart, and he steeled himself to face the `witch' again. But to Jay's relief, it was a young man – just a kid, really – who appeared, pushing the cart. The kid switched on the overhead light and called out a cheery "Hi, how ya' doin'?" as he came into the room. And then when he got a look at Jay, he said, "Oh my God, what did you run into?"
Jay stammered, "Um, well --"
The kid immediately realized he had overstepped, and he apologized, "I'm sorry, dude. That's none of my business. Please forget I said anything."
"It's OK," Jay replied. "No harm done."
"Well, here's yer supper," the kid said, as he laid the tray down on the bedside table. "Have a good one! Sorry, I gotta keep truckin'."
"Thanks!" Jay said, and the squeaky cart and the friendly kid were gone.
At about eight thirty that evening, Jay was lounging on his bed listening to one of Lee's tapes. The lights were off in his room, but the door was halfway open and a diffuse light from the hallway spilled into the room. He was startled, suddenly, to feel a big hand on his shoulder. He peered up at the man standing by his bed and saw that it was Uncle Robert. He appeared to be saying something, but Jay couldn't hear what it was because of the music, so he pulled off his headset and switched off the Walkman.
"What did you say, Uncle Robert?" he asked.
"I said I just had to come and see you one more time today," Robert repeated. "I've come alone because your mom has gotten a headache, and Jenna had to stay home and get her homework done for school tomorrow. It's been a very up-side-down weekend, and she hasn't done her lessons yet."
"I'm so glad you're here, Uncle Robert," Jay said.
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, punkin," Robert replied, caressing Jay's cheek softly with his fingertips. "By the way, I've been doing a lot of thinking today. Maybe it's a bit early to be mentioning it, but the thought hit me this morning like a bolt out of the blue that where I belong is here with you kids."
Without warning Jay leaped at his uncle and threw his arms around his neck, holding him tight. "Do you mean it, Uncle Robert?" he cried out. "Oh God, that would be too good to be true!"
"Yes, I do mean it, Jay. In fact, I wouldn't have dared say anything if I hadn't made up my mind already. You and Jenna mean more to me than anything else in the world. I've hardly been able to stand it that your dad did everything in his power to keep me away from you all yours lives. But he can't keep me away from you any longer, and by God, I'm not going to keep myself away from you either."
It was rather awkward for both of them the way Jay was hanging onto Robert's neck while still half-lying on the bed and Robert bending over it. "Come on, punkin, let's find a more comfortable position," Robert suggested.
Jay released his hold on Robert's neck and said, "Let's both get on my bed, Uncle Robert. It's big enough." He then scooted over to the far edge to make room for his uncle to sit – or half-recline, actually – beside him. Robert put his arm behind Jay's back and drew him close. Jay laid his head on Uncle Robert's shoulder and snuggled against him with a deep sigh of happiness.
"There, that's better, isn't it?" Robert said.
"Perfect!" Jay replied.
"I've always loved kids, Jay, and one of the hardest things about being gay has been the realization that I would never have any of my own," Robert said. "But now you and Jenna don't have a dad anymore, and I'd like nothing better than to be sort of like a dad to you."
"We've never had a dad," Jay said with some vehemence, making Robert wince, and then he added, more quietly," Well, not really."
"Do you actually feel that way?" Robert asked.
"Yes," Jay answered. And then after a pause he said, "Dad never did love me. I don't think he loved Jenna much either, actually. But he really hated me."
Robert was appalled to hear Jay say that so bluntly, so matter-of-factly. Appalled and chilled. He shivered, in fact. He squeezed his nephew even tighter against himself and bent his head down to nuzzle the top of Jay's head, tears trickling down his cheeks.
Finally he said, "I'll always be here for you kids, punkin, I promise. You're never going to be without a dad again. I have a very nice apartment in Los Angeles, and a good job which I enjoy a lot, but there are jobs and apartments here too. I've got a few very good friends out there also, of course. I know I'll miss them, but I can visit them occasionally and they can visit me. It's not like this is the end of the world, after all, even if this wretched weather would make you think so! This cold climate is certainly going to take some getting used to! That's one distinct advantage California has over this part of the country. But that's a small price to pay, believe me. It's not worth even a minute's consideration, compared with being here close to you and Jenna. And your mom, too, of course. I'm afraid I've greatly underestimated her all these years, Jay. She's surprised me again and again today. I told her after supper this evening what I've been thinking about and she was overjoyed. In fact she cried. She's going to need lots of assistance and support now, and I intend to help provide it."
"Can you just stay here, then? From now on?" Jay asked, hopefully.
"Well, I got a two-week's leave of absence from work to come here now, and I'll have to go back when that time is up. It's only fair to give them notice, you know, before I quit my job. And I'll have to pack up my things and get all my business cleared up there in Los Angeles. That'll take a little while, naturally. But I intend to move here for good as soon as I possibly can. I'm planning to look around while I'm here and check on job possibilities. I don't think there'll be a problem getting work, but I've managed to save a bit of money the last few years, so I'm not too worried about going hungry for a while at least."
"Oh man, Uncle Robert, I'm so excited I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep tonight!" Jay said.
"Uh, Jay, there's something else I wanted to tell you about too," Robert began.
"Yeah?"
"After we got home from the hospital this afternoon, your mom asked me if I thought you might be gay."
Jay stiffened noticeably against Robert and sucked in his breath. "Oh my God. Was she upset?"
"No, she definitely was not upset. I asked her why she wondered if you might be gay and she said that the thought had crossed her mind many times in the last year or two. She said that for one thing you've never shown any interest in girls, at least not that she's been aware of. And then she said she couldn't help but notice how close you and Lee seem to be. She'd never really seen the two of you together before today, and she observed right away that you were showing a lot of affection for one another."
"Were we that obvious, Uncle Robert?"
"I suppose you must've been, punkin. I wasn't paying so much attention to that, but then I already knew about you, didn't I? Anyway, don't worry about it, OK? You didn't do anything wrong. You and Lee are both so refreshingly innocent. Innocent and genuine. I honestly don't think you know how to be anything other than what you are. As far as I'm concerned, your love for each other and the happiness it gives you is something pure and sweet and beautiful. It's nothing to be ashamed of or hide. Unfortunately, though, there are lots of people out there who take a different view of things, people who will never be able to understand or accept your love. And sorry to say, some of those people are evil and dangerous even. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to hide what you are and what you feel when you're around those who love and accept you. But it's wise to be careful out in public, and to avoid flaunting your gayness in front of people who might take offence."
"Lee and I were talking about that very thing today, Uncle Robert," Jay said. "I told him I love him so much that I want the whole world to know it, but he said we probably need to be careful about showing it too much when we're in public."
"He's a smart lad, Jay. And so are you. You're very lucky to have found someone like him, aren't you? I think you're perfect together and I'm so happy for both of you."
"Uncle Robert, what did you tell my mom when she asked about me?" Jay asked.
"I just said that she's a very perceptive woman and that I hoped she wasn't too unhappy with what she had observed. Bless her heart, punkin, she just answered that if you really are gay then she hoped you would turn out to be as good a man as your uncle and then she would be perfectly happy. I blushed ten shades of red, I'm sure, and gave her a big hug and she cried. I told her then about what you had said this morning, that you are gay and that you and Lee are boyfriends. I said that you were planning to tell her soon, but that it looked like we had jumped the gun on you. She thanked me for making it so easy for her to ask, or something like that, and then said that she would talk with you about it sometime when it was convenient to do so. So don't worry for a minute, Jay. She's fine with it."
"I'm glad she knows, Uncle Robert. It'll make it so much easier," Jay said. "I don't want to have to pretend all the time."
"She said she can't help but like Lee, too, punkin. And she thinks his mom is really nice. I must say, I have to agree with her. That was awfully thoughtful of Marjorie to make that cake and bring it up here this afternoon, wasn't it?"
"Yeah, it was. Uh, do you think Marjorie knows about Lee and me too, Uncle Robert?"
"I don't know, Jay, you'll have to ask Lee, won't you? But I would be inclined to think she probably does."
"Jenna knows," Jay said.
"Really?"
"Yeah, I told her. I couldn't hide it from her, Uncle Robert. She's always been my best friend and we tell each other everything."
Nothing was said then, for a minute or two, until Jay spoke again. "Uncle Robert, when I woke up from my nap this afternoon, I discovered I could open one eye a little ways."
Robert peered closely at Jay's face and said, "Well sure enough, Jay, that's super! I hadn't noticed until now when you mention it. But then we've been lying here practically in the dark, haven't we? Maybe by morning you'll be able to open it all the way. Time won't be near as boring for you then, will it?"
"Well, Lee brought me his Walkman and some tapes today, and he even bought a book that's on tape too. I was gonna start listening to it tomorrow. Of course I can still do that, even if I can see," Jay said.
"Um, Uncle Robert, I looked at my face in the mirror..." Jay began, and then paused.
"And?" Robert prompted.
"Well, you already know what I look like."
Robert hugged Jay more tightly then, and kissed him softly on the forehead. "Yes, my boy, that I do. My stomach almost turned inside out when I first saw your bruises this morning, and I felt such a terrible anger toward your dad for a minute. But by then I already knew he was dead, so there was no use wasting energy on those feelings, was there? Besides, your bruises will soon fade and your face will be as perfect as it was before. There won't be any scars. Not on the outside anyway. And hopefully there won't be too many on the inside either."
"I've been given so much love and so much happiness these last two days that the bad thoughts and feelings keep getting chased away," Jay said.
"Well don't be surprised if those ol' demons keep lurking around for awhile yet, Jay," Robert replied. "They can be pretty persistent and don't give up easily, so I'm sure they'll try to pounce on you now and then in spite of everything. But you're right, love and happiness will help keep them at bay. You can be sure we're going to keep on loving you and doing all we can to make you happy. We're not going to let the demons win!"
Robert looked at his watch, then, and said, "I'm afraid I'll have to break up this cuddle and head home, Jay, as much as I hate to do it. I got practically no sleep last night and this has been a very full day. I'm bushed. When you get to be as old as I am, you need your rest! I'll see you tomorrow, of course, but I can't promise when. Your mom and I have some running around to do, to get things arranged for your dad's burial."
"I guess I'm kinda tired now too," Jay said. "Thanks for coming to see me again tonight, Uncle Robert. I love you so much, and I'm so happy that you're planning to move here. You're the best uncle there is!" He then hugged him and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.
Robert returned his hug and kiss and said, "I love you too, punkin, more than I can say. Now, sweet dreams, and I'll see you tomorrow." After getting off of the bed, he tousled Jay's hair affectionately and left.
As soon as Uncle Robert had gone, Jay went to the bathroom to take a pee and to brush his teeth. He then crawled into bed, and in spite of having thought he would be too happy and excited to go to sleep, he was out like a light almost at once. One of the nurses checked on him a few minutes later and found him sleeping, a big smile on his lips.
Sometime during the night Jay was awakened by some commotion in his room. The curtain had been drawn between his bed and the one closer to the door so he couldn't see what was going on, but it sounded like they were putting a patient in the other bed. It had been vacant the whole time Jay had been in the room and he had sort of enjoyed the privacy. Now he lay there wondering what kind of person he would be getting for a roommate, and what might be the matter with him. He could hear a couple people talking very quietly now and then, but they said little and he couldn't make out any of the words. No doubt they were hoping not to disturb him, he thought. He lay as still as he could so as not to let them know he was awake.
Pretty soon the little lamp by the other bed was switched off and the rustling and whispering ceased, so the nurses had apparently finished their task. There didn't seem to be any sound from the patient at all, so Jay figured he must be sleeping. He was just turning over, trying to get settled down again, when he heard footsteps coming softly around the end of the dividing curtain and stopping by the foot end of his bed. He lifted his head slightly and strained with his one partially open eye to see who it was. He could tell it was a man, but it was too dark to make out any more than that.
"Jay?" the man whispered.
"Yeah?" he whispered back.
And then the man came right over beside him and put his hand on Jay's shoulder. "It's Nurse Dennison, Jay. I'm sorry we woke you up, tiger. You OK?"
"Yeah, I'm fine," Jay whispered back.
Nurse Dennison then said, in a voice a bit louder than a whisper, "You've got a roommate now, Jay. He's right out of it at the moment, so he can't hear us I guess. We'll have to check on him every now and then through the night, but hopefully we don't disturb your sleep every time. You sure you're all right, champ? You don't need anything?"
"Yeah, I'm sure, Nurse, thanks."
"OK. See you in the morning then. G'night."
He gave Jay's shoulder an extra pat and then left. Jay tried to drop off again, but sleep eluded him for some time. Just as he was finally starting to doze, he was roused by the sound of crying. At first it was just a few whimpers, but it gradually grew in intensity until it was a steady sobbing. Jay was fully awake by then and lay there listening to the heart-rending sounds for a couple minutes. Finally he couldn't resist it any longer. He slipped out of his bed and padded over to the other one. The figure lying there under the sheet was curled up in a ball, more or less, and his whole body was jerking with his sobs. Jay didn't know what to do or say, but he felt compelled to try and comfort the poor fellow somehow. He laid his hand gently on the jerking shoulder and crooned quietly. At first there was no response, but he keep patting that shoulder and making little comforting sounds and at last the face that had been buried down under the sheet rose up and looked at him. It was a young face, Jay could tell, younger than his own, but the kid's body was at least as big as his, so Jay guessed he must be about 12 or 13.
Rather at a loss for something to say to him, Jay introduced himself. "I'm Jay," he said. "I'm your roommate."
The kid didn't respond directly, but at least the sobbing had slowed down considerably. Just an occasional one still broke loose and shook the kid's slender frame.
"Do you hurt?" Jay asked.
The kid nodded his head.
"Where does it hurt?"
"M-my h-h-head." After a little pause, the kid repeated, "My head hurts so bad, and, and everywhere."
"What happened?" Jay asked.
"I . . . I f-fell."
The kid moved then so the sheet that was covering him shifted and Jay saw he had a cast on his right arm.
Just then the door was pushed open and someone came into the room. Startled, Jay swirled around to face the approaching figure, feeling guilty, somehow, for being caught standing there by the other kid's bed instead of lying in his own. "He was crying," he started to explain, "and I came over to see if I could help him."
"Good for you, champ," Nurse Dennison said, laying his big hand reassuringly on Jay's shoulder. "I knew we could count on you! Now you go crawl in bed again and I'll check on our buddy here. You can continue getting acquainted with him tomorrow." He gave Jay a pat on the back and then turned toward the other boy's bed.
Jay lay back down in his own bed and tried to get settled. Before long Nurse Dennison came over and said, "I think he'll sleep again now, tiger. And I hope you can get back to sleep too. You OK?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks," Jay murmured.
"Great! Well, goodnight again, Jay," the nurse said while tucking his covers around him and giving him a little pat. Then he left the room, leaving Jay alone with his thoughts.
Jay's mind was full of questions about his roommate. Who is he? How did he fall? Where does he live? But his thoughts eventually trailed off as he drifted away once more into the soothing realm of sleep.
The kid in the other bed didn't start coming around until about midmorning the next day. After that the nurses were busy with him for awhile and then he went to sleep again, so Jay was being made to wait for the chance to satisfy his curiosity about him.
During the morning a doctor came in on his rounds and after checking Jay over a bit he said to him, "I think maybe we can let you go home tomorrow."
"Really?" Jay exclaimed. "That's great!"
"Yeah, well we want to keep you here one more night, anyway. And then I would like to talk with your mother before we release you. Do you think she could come up here about this time tomorrow?"
"I'm sure she can, doctor. I'll ask her today when she comes to see me," Jay said.
"Good," the doctor said, and then he turned and left the room.
Jay listened for about an hour to the book tape that Lee had given him. It proved to be a very engrossing story and the time went by quickly. Suddenly he looked up and saw the meals cart, pushed once again by the `old witch', trundling toward his bed, so he switched off the Walkman and pulled off the headset.
"Hi!" he said as cheerily as he could to the woman as she laid his lunch tray on the table by his bed. She just grunted in reply, as surly as ever, and turned to leave.
"Thanks!" Jay called after her, but got no response.
"Jeez!" Jay mumbled under his breath, and then turned his attention toward his lunch. He was feeling famished for some reason and he attacked the food with gusto. As he ate, he thought about Lee and Sam, picturing them sitting together right at that minute in the lunchroom at school. He wondered idly what they were eating and what they were talking about, and he felt lonely for them.
After he had finished his lunch, Jay looked over at the other bed and saw that the kid still seemed to be in a deep sleep. He took the chance to look him over more carefully, and was shocked to see how battered he looked. He had a big lump on his head, slightly to the right of his forehead. The right side of his face was scraped and bruised, and of course his right arm was in a big, clumsy cast, as Jay had noticed earlier. It was lying on top of the sheet now, in full sight. The kid had bright red, almost carrot-colored hair, all mussed up and sticking out in every direction. It was very shaggy, indicating that he was long overdue a haircut. His face was heavily freckled, and his ears stuck out a bit like jug handles, making him look rather like an elf, Jay thought. Even in sleep, there was a bit of a lost and forlorn look about the boy that caused a wave of compassion to wash over Jay. Somehow Jay had the feeling that the kid had suffered more than his share of abuse and grief, and he felt a longing to befriend him and help shield him from further pain. He almost wished he weren't going home already the next day, thinking that he might not have a chance to really get acquainted with the kid and that he would then lose touch with him again.
Jay resumed listening to the tape and once again became engrossed in the exciting story while another hour sped past.
All at once, he thought he heard a noise from the other bed so he pulled off the headset and looked over there. The kid yelled out and began thrashing around, tangling himself up in the bedcovers. Then he curled up in a ball like he had done in the night, but this time with his arms up over his head as if he were trying to shield himself from something, and he started to weep.
Jay was overcome with feelings of pity and protectiveness for the poor kid, and he jumped up and ran over to him. He must have been having a nightmare, Jay thought. He laid his hand on the kid's shoulder and he jerked and opened his eyes. The terrified look in his eyes made Jay shudder. What kind of demons was he fighting with, he wondered.
Jay talked soothingly to him, stroking his hair softly and patting his shoulders, and gradually he calmed down and stretched out straight on the bed again. He lay looking up at Jay, still crying quietly, the tears trickling down his cheeks. Jay didn't really know what to say to him, but he just tried to comfort him as best he could and after a while the kid wiped the tears from his cheeks with his one free hand and half sobbed something that sounded like "Thank you", but Jay couldn't be sure.
"Does your head still hurt?" Jay asked him, and the kid nodded his head in answer.
"Really bad?" Jay asked.
"No," the kid said then, clearly. "Just sorta. But I ache everywhere."
"Do you want me to call for a nurse?" Jay asked, but the boy shook his head.
"Not now, thanks. Maybe after a while."
Jay kept stroking the boy like he had been doing and suddenly he said to Jay, "You're really nice," and then his tears started flowing again.
"My name is Jay, what's yours?" Jay asked.
"Tommy."
"I wanna be your friend, Tommy," Jay said, but Tommy didn't answer. He just kept crying. And Jay kept trying to comfort him, feeling wretched himself because the kid seemed to be so miserable.
About then the door opened and a nurse stuck her head in to see how the boys were doing. Seeing that Tommy was awake, she came in to check on him and Jay returned to his own bed. Just at that moment his mother and Uncle Robert came into the room and the nurse pulled the curtain between the two beds, leaving Jay alone with his guests.
Jay jumped up and ran to his mother, throwing his arms around her neck in a big hug and kissing her hard. Irene was both thrilled and dumbfounded. She couldn't remember when her son had shown her that much affection, but then she realized with some regret that she had never been that demonstrative toward him either. Things were definitely changing for the better, and she was so glad. Jay then hugged his uncle Robert, and while still clinging to him he said to his mother, "Isn't it great that Uncle Robert's gonna move here? I'm so excited about it, I'm about to burst!"
"Yes, Jay, darling, it's wonderful," Irene agreed. "And I don't know what I'd have done without him yesterday and today either. I'm so helpless on my own."
"You most certainly are not helpless, Irene!" Robert exclaimed. "You've amazed me over and over, honest to God. I almost haven't recognized you as the same Irene I've known so long."
"Yeah well, I've never taken any responsibility for things. I've never had to make any arrangements or plans or anything. Gene's always taken charge of everything. Every detail. And he would never tolerate anyone questioning what he did, or protesting. I've never learned how to make decisions at all. And I don't even know how to drive."
"You've been fantastic, Irene," Robert said. "Don't sell yourself short. You honestly don't realize how strong and able you really are."
Jay had let go of his uncle by then and the two adults sat down, Robert in the armchair and Irene on the chair beside Jay's bed. Jay stood beside his mother and put his arm around her shoulders, hugging her to himself. "Mom, I want to help you too, as much as I can," he said. "I know I'm just a kid yet, but I'm gonna take care of you in every way I can." And then, suddenly changing the subject he said, "I haven't been out of this room all day. Let's go down to the cafeteria and get some coffee or something, OK?"
"Lead on, punkin!" Robert said, and the three of them headed for the door.