Sacrifices

Well... something completely out of the ordinary for me...first time trying to write about two adults. Hei, and its tragic huh? Lol...anyway hope you guys and girls like it, mail me and tell me what you think to pookie_story@hotmail.com

Enjoy

Sacrifices

I don't know how I ended up in this place! Here I am crouching under a tree with my heart going crazy and a gun in my hand. I had never played paintball before, I always had the urge to, but I never imagined that it would be so...so... so like this! So stressful, so intense.

We had rented an outside field. It was huge, and I got lost from my mate after an ambush. I was alone. I looked around and since no one was in sigh I leaned against a nearby tree. I let out a huge sigh and dropped the weapon.

I was tired, hungry and nervous. I remembered that chocolate that I had remembered to bring. I looked into my pockets and found it next to my keys. I noticed the old shirt I was wearing. It had a couple of years, but it sure brought back memories...

**

"Tell me again how you managed to make me come here?"

Tom looked at me and grinned" Come on...we're almost there!"

I rolled my eyes" You said that an hour ago...I though that we came camping to do other stuff..."

He chuckled" Nate... you know you got to give it some rest...you're not exactly 18!"

I smacked his shoulder and took the opportunity to feel him up" Asshole... you're older than me! And besides IT doesn't need any rest anytime he's next to you! And I'm not that old!"

Tom rolled his eyes" I promise we're almost there, just hold your horses...and IT!"

I groaned and kept on walking. I don't know how Tom had managed to convince me to go camping. I'm sure he caught me with my defenses low in the middle of a heavy making out session. The bastard. The bastard that I loved for 6 months. The bastard that had my heart and brought me here in order to celebrate our 6th month anniversary.

"Here..."

I looked at what he was pointing. It was a river. A quiet part of the river. The sun was reflected on the water making it inviting. There were some rocks on the other side and some birds were happily drinking water. There were some trees that had long branches that touched the water and that were moved by the wind.

Tom grabbed my hand and led me to the shore. He took of his shoes and socks, I did the same. He grabbed my hand and made me sit. He sat behind me and spooned me. Our feet were touching the water. Can you imagine a better set?

"You like it?"

I nodded. I liked it even better since I was with him.

"I used to come here when I was a little kid. Lots of time actually...in the summer I spent more time here than at home!"

I chuckled" Not hard to believe..."

His hands were playing with the buttons of my shirt, the same one I am wearing now. I looked up at him and at his green eyes. He was smiling. I smiled back" You're such a nature boy..."

"And you love it..."

"Yeah... I guess I do huh?"

He rested his head on my shoulder and chuckled" I still don't get how a country boy and a die hard city boy can be so in love..."

I caressed his hair" You're a great cook and I'm great in bed...what more can we wish for?"

A sudden crack brought me out of my daydream. I grabbed my gun and looked around No one in sigh. I quickly got up and looked more closely. I could see some red mixed with the green of the bushes . I quietly walked towards them. I heard the breathing of the other person. It was obvious that she/he was nervous. I quietly got into position and pointed the gun at the person

"Hold it!"

She let out a scream. I groaned. It was Tracy. And the worst of all was that she was on my team

"Oh Nate, thank God its you... I lost Pete and I didn't know what to do..."

I lowered the weapon" That's ok Tracy..."

"You killed anyone yet?"

I shacked my head "You?"

She smiled "No one! I heard Tom killed two of ours already..."

I grimaced at the name" Yeah...well...good for him..."

She looked at me "Can I go with you? Two's better than one..."

I squeezed the holster of the gun" Sure... Just be quiet..."

She nodded and we quickly started walking away from there

"So...everything okay in your life?"

I didn't want to make small talk with her. I didn't even want to breath the same air she was breathing" Yeah... with you?"

"Same old thing..."

An uncomfortable silence fell. She made my life go to wonderful to hell. I sure as hell wasn't gonna be friends with her

"You know...we never had the chance to talk..."

I nodded

"Nate... I am sorry for what I did..."

I nodded again... I didn't want to hear it. I was still trying to forget the whole thing. Suddenly this walking together seemed like a bad idea.

**

"I am soooo tired!"

I heard the front door close and Tom's complain. It was becoming a habit of some sort. That though brought a smile to my face.

A pair of hands encircled my waist, I could see the ring in his finger and it brought a warm feeling all over me" Something smells good..."

"I'm making sushi tonight..."

He kissed my neck" I'm not talking about the food..."

I grinned" Didn't you say that you were really tired?"

He didn't stop" Yeah...but seeing you gave me the energies to do some stuff..."

"Stuff huh?"

His lips were now on my shoulder. His hands quickly went to my pants. As he was opening them the phone rang. He groaned and let me go

"Tom speaking... Who?..... No way... How are you?... yeah, long time... yeah... oh..."

He looked at me and I knew something was wrong" Sure... I'll be there in 10... ok...see ya..."

He hung up and looked at me" Nate, I'm really sorry, but I have to go... don't wait for me to dinner..."

And he was gone like that, leaving me and the sushi hanging in the kitchen.

**

"Nate? You listening to me?"

"Look Tracy... I know that you're sorry...I know that you didn't get pregnant on purpose... I know you didn't make Tom stay with you... I know all that, but don't expect me to be ok around you... call me whatever you want...but I ain't like that!"

She sighed" Ok... If that's how you want it to be..."

"Can I ask you something? If you were in my place would you act any different?"

She looked down and sighed" No...I would probably be worse than you...I just..."

"You just what Tracy? You don't want to be the bad girl in this? Well...guess what you are the bad girl in my world, and there isn't a god dammed thing in the world that can change that okay?"

She looked at me with a sad look" I just wanted to try and clear things with you. I never wanted to get pregnant, I mean...I love Natie, but I never seduced Tom with the purpose of getting a kid in the end okay?"

I rolled my eyes" Look... my ex boyfriend cheated on me with you. That's enough reason for me to hate you, so I guess that there is no way in hell that we will ever be friends okay? And you know what? This was a bad idea. You go your way, I'll go mine...wish you luck that's the best you get out of me."

She shacked her head and sighed" Fine...if you want to...just know that he still loves you..."

And with that she left. Leaving me wondering, confused and with more memories.

**

"I hate these kind of movies..."

I looked down at him "Tom there's nothing wrong with Moulin Rouge..."

It was a typical Friday night. We laying on the couch, with his head on my lap and me playing with his hair.

"Right... Like seeing dancing and singing it fun!"

"We met because of singing and dancing..."

He laughed" You were totally drunk... I couldn't believe that you would plant a kiss like that 5 seconds after meeting me..."

I blushed" Well...no one told you to wear that shirt... "

He sat up straight and looked at me" Well, I'm glad I did... And I'm glad Pete wanted to invited us to that party..."

I blushed" I made a completely fool of myself at that party..."

Tom laughed" I still laugh every time I remember you stripping in front of me..."

I rolled my eyes" Tom...please...you didn't seem to mind..."

He sat up straight and looked at me" Of course I didn't, its not everyday a stud comes to you, kisses you hard and starts stripping in front of you..."

I blushed" Hard to believe..."

Tom leaned to me. It was hard to believe that a stud like him wouldn't have men and women throwing themselves at him everyday. He had everything everybody wanted. The body, the face, the eyes and an aura that inspired trust and sexiness. I still couldn't believe that he wanted me of everybody in the world.

He pushed me down on the couch and straddled me. He was in all fours on top of me smiling lovingly" Nate...we've been there...I love you... please don't think about that, I love you for what you are, there isn't a guy or girl in the world capable of taking me away from you."

I grinned" Not even Mike from the coffee shop?"

Tom groaned" I swear if you make another scene because of him again..."

"Hei! He flirts with you even knowing that I'm your boyfriend... Gotta protect what's mine."

A sexy grin appeared on his face" So I'm yours huh?"

I returned the smile and leaned into him" Oh yeah...my own personal sex slave..."

I knew that I wouldn't be seeing the rest of the movie that night.

**

I found our "base" or whatever its called in paintball . There were two people inside. I sighed with relief that one of them was Janice. I tapped her shoulder and she almost jumped

"God Nate, don't do that in paintball... I could have killed you..."

I faked a smile " I got lost and found Tracy... "

Her face got a worried look" Nate... I swear... if I knew they were coming, I would have never made you come."

I nodded" Forget it... what's the plan?"

"Well... Tom killed two of ours...Pete killed one of theirs... we have to kill Tom quickly..."

I laughed at her enthusiasm. She had been playing this since forever. She needed some moths in order to convince me to come " You know this is just a game right?"

She chuckled" Of course dummy... I'm just getting into it!"

I rolled my eyes." You wanna join me?"

"Sure... lets go..."

We both put our masks and walked away. I knew Janice since we were 17. We met and it was instant chemistry. Funny has it may sound we tried to date, but she soon found out that I wasn't exited with her boobs or body. She broke up with me and introduced me her gay cousin. In the end she became the sister I never had. She knew everything about me and me about her. Her husband Pete was a great guy, they met on college and I guess they were soul mates, `cause 6 months after that they were planning their wedding. They had one kid, Sam, that was the cutest thing in the whole world. And since Janice was a single daughter I was his adopted uncle.

"Sam misses you... you should drop by more often..."

"I know... I just haven't had the time to do so..."

She looked around" Still recovering from..."

I nodded

" I am sorry about the Tracy thing... I never--"

I interrupted her" I know Jan...don't worry..."

"She's a nice girl..."

I gave her a look that told her that to me Tracy was a whore that I hated

She put her hand in the air in a defensive pose" Okay okay... don't take it out on me..."

"I'm so thirsty right now..."

Janice got a devious smile on her face" Thinking on vodka?"

**

"So, what are you and Tom doing for your one year anniversary?"

We were at the pool getting some rest and catching some sun. Tom and Pete decided they wanted to loose some money on the casino as a way to have fun.

"I don't know... a very special night I hope..."

She laughed" Pervert!"

"Look who's talking... last night I swear they heard you on the 13the floor."

She blushed" Well... it is my anniversary you know."

She managed to drag me and Tom with her and Pete. We came to a sunny place and were having a blast.

I raised my glass of vodka "To very loud moaning!"

She chuckled" To very loud moaning!"

A couple of people looked our way and gave us mean stares, but we didn't care. We were having fun.

After dinner Janice and Pete retreated to their room with a very knowing smirk on their faces. I asked Tom for a walk to spare me the noise.

We decided for a walk at the local park. Tom had his arm around my shoulders, and I had mine around his waist.

He kissed my cheek "You know... its our one year anniversary today..."

"I know..."

I looked at the path in front of us" Tom... where do you see us going?"

He stopped and looked at me" Nate... are you worried about something?"

"Its not that...its just that you became such a huge part of my life... I honestly can't imagine life without you and I wanna know if you feel the same..."

He smiled" I stuck with you for a year... I think that shows how serious I am...well...since you brought this up..."

He sat me in a nearby bench. He took something out of his pocket and sat next to me" I know you don't believe in all the ring stuff but I want you to have this as a proof of what I feel for you. A proof that you're mine and I am yours, a proof of our bond."

I looked at the ring and smiled" I didn't believe in the ring stuff until I met you Tom..."

He smiled and put the ring on my finger" Nate, I guess you're officially my fiancé now."

I grinned at him" I guess you're my future husband Tom."

He smiled and leaned into a kiss

**

"You know... I talked to Tom before the game started..."

I looked around and didn't said a word

"He and Tracy are gonna split up, he will be the father with all the responsibilities, but they won't live together anymore..."

I was happy and angry at the same time. But I didn't have time to think about it. Out of nowhere someone jumped and shoot. I quickly reacted and fired his way.

I looked at the guy and saw that I had hit him, it was Marcel. I looked at my clothes and I wasn't hit.

"Oh man... I got shot... that's not fair...I guess I'm out of the game then..."

I looked at Janice and gave her an apologetic smile

"At least I got my revenge..." she said smiling

Marcel groaned" Good shot Nate..."

I looked at them" Well...wish me good luck..."

Janice turned to me" Nate... be careful, and please don't kill Tom if you actually find him..."

I chuckled" Don't worry...remember its just a game..."

**

I woke up that morning to find the other side of the bed empty. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 7.00AM.. Tom only started working at 9.00. I got up and did my business in the bathroom. After leaving it I walked into the living room and stopped dead in my tracks. Lying on the couch fully dressed and with a painful look on his face was Tom. I was even more confused now. Something really bad happened.

I ignored my rambling and took Tom's shoes of. I tried to make him more comfortable, but on a couch it was almost impossible.

I walked into the kitchen and started to make some coffee. The smell of coffee must have woken him up. He sat on the table without a word and sighed

"Good morning to you too!"

He looked at me and his gaze quickly went to the floor. I gave him a cup of coffee and sat in front of him

"Everything ok? You left after that call and didn't came back to bed and then I found you sleeping on the couch... "

He took a drink of the cup and looked at me. He rubbed his face, he only did that when he was super nervous" I'm sorry... I should have called..."

I kept my calm "That's ok...but what happened..."

He scratched his chin, he already had beard, this man was handsome in every way, and seeing him with the unshaven look only made my blood run faster" I...well... I got a call from a friend..."

I took a sip of my coffee never leaving his eyes out of my sigh

"Well... a female friend...she said that she needed to tell me something really important...and well... she told me that she was pregnant..."

My eyebrows went up" And...?"

"Well...she was two months already and told me that I was the father..."

I dropped the mug" huh?"

We had been together for a year and half now... doing the math it could only mean that...

"Nate...please don't overreact... I am confused also..."

"When?"

"When what?"

"When did you cheat on me?"

He grimaced at the words. To tell the truth I felt my stomach turn just by saying them.

"Remember Pete's bachelor party? When you were sick and couldn't go? Well... I got a little drunk and met her at the bar...and..."

I got up from the table and put the mug on the sink. I grabbed onto it to hold back the tears" Why didn't you told me?"

He got up from the table and came near me, he tried to grab my shoulder, but I never let him" I was scared, and besides...stuff like that happens on bachelor parties... I never though that something like this would happen..."

I wasn't being very successful, some tears managed to fall freely" What are you gonna do?"

His arms hugged me by the waist again. I tried to resist but he didn't let go" I'm sorry Nate, but I am responsible for the baby... I'm gonna be the best father I can..."

I sobbed" So that means..."

"Yeah...I'm gonna move in with Tracy and try to give the baby a good home..."

I was feeling so many thing at the same time that I couldn't focus on anything. I couldn't even speak

"Just know that I love you Nate... I always will... but the baby isn't guilty of a stupid mistake...he deserves the best he can get..."

I was angry now" So that means that I have to suffer for the baby..."

He let go of me and took a step back" Look...lets not fight...I'll pack my things and leave... you're a great person Nate, you'll find someone that will love you better than I did..."

I didn't say a thing. I wanted to say that I wanted him to love me. I wanted him to be that someone. But I just whipped my tears, grabbed my keys and walked out of the door.

When I got home he had already had left. After that I only saw him twice and he seemed happy. Janice told me shortly after the boy was born that they named him Nate. I cried for hours. But I managed to hold on, and one year after he left I was starting to move on.

**

I felt the gun against my neck" Don't move."

The voice was muffled" Drop your weapon"

I did as the voice told me to. I turned around and there stood Tom with his gun pointing at me" Nate?"

I nodded" Shoot me and get this over with..."

He didn't. He stood there looking at me. "Tom? You there? You're supposed to shoot me win the game and go home to your wife and kid..."

OK, I didn't need to say that, but I wanted to. And seeing there, in front of me, still hot as ever made me want to do many things

"I see you're still hurt..."

I rolled my eyes" Yeah... I guess I should have already recovered from being dumped by the man I loved..."

Tom grimaced but kept on pointing at me" You know... we're the last ones..."

I was getting tired "Good... you win..."

He lowered his weapon "I am sorry you know..."

I rolled my eyes" Tom... I really don't need this right now...you're happy, the kid is happy...everyone his happy... lets go...kill me..."

"Are you happy?"

"What? You care if I'm happy now?"

"I always did..."

I grabbed my gun and shot myself on the leg. It hurt like hell, but I was not gonna give him the pleasure of showing it " There...I'm dead you win...I wanna go home..."

I turned my back to him and started walking away. Tom grabbed my shoulder" Wait..."

I shrugged him off" Let me go Tom..."

He grabbed my shoulder again" Nate please..."

I shrugged him of again" Just leave Tom..."

He tackled me to the floor and we started wrestling. We did a lot of times before and the result was always the same, it never bothered me, I always liked to have him on top of me. He grinned at me and hold my hands above my head" You never beat me Nate..."

And the worst of it all was that I had a hard on. "Tom... "

"Let me just say this please... I know I fucked up really bad... I was confused, Tracy didn't have money to support the baby and was thinking of abortion, I couldn't let her do that Nate... it was my kid... I did the test and he really was. "

I groaned" Fine, can I go now?"

His grip only got stronger "I was confused...I didn't want to make you have to put up with a baby. It was my mistake...you were, and still are, too good to carry on my mistakes..."

"That's fine Tom, but I have to go..."

"Tracy's dying..."

I stared at him" huh?"

"She has a really bad cancer, and she isn't going to live much longer..."

I was silent" She probably has 5 months tops. I'm gonna raise the kid..."

Suddenly I was angry" What, now that Tracy gonna leave you, you want me back? Like a background mommy? No way Tom... I may be stupid but I'm not dumb!"

He smiled and softly said" I love when you get angry..."

"I think that it's a little too late for that Tom..."

"Nate...that kid... my son... he may not genetically be it...but he is our son... he was made with the love I feel for you... "

I rolled my eyes" Please..."

"I'm serious... I'm not asking you to just get back to me, but I want you to at least give a second chance to our friendship and maybe meet Natie..."

I tried to get free again, with no result" Tom... what you did...there isn't even words that can express what I felt and still feel. We were supposed to be together for the bad and the good. As soon as something bad happens you run away... how can you expect me to trust you again?"

He sighed" I know what I did was not the smartest thing ever, but..."

I was angry now" But what? You want me to just forget everything, move in with you and pretend we were happy all along? Well Tom, I might still love you, but I'm not some dumb--"

He interrupted me with a kiss. I missed those lips. I tried to resist at first, but I missed them too much. His tongue jus knew what to do and my lips longed for him.

When it ended he gave me a stupid grin" I knew you still wanted me..."

I pushed him" Look...I can try to be your friend, who knows...maybe it will work...but don't do that again...please..."

He got up and smiled" Sure...that's enough for me... for now..."

I sighed, there was no reason to be angry... friendship was ok. I could handle friendship. We wouldn't be best friends ever, but at least I could have Tom back in a way. Not fully but a part of him

"Tom... I can't say that I'm thrilled about this...I am still really hurt... I can't be around you and not feel sad and depressed...it will take some time, but don't expect me to be like I used to be around you... I can give you friendship...but at my pace... "

He smiled" That's all I'm asking for..."

**

Well...time passed... Tom's son grew up to be a wonderful boy. He was smart, funny and a great kid. I ended up being uncle Nate. Tom and me never got the way we used to be. In fact we spoke one time a week, on not so busy weeks. I cared for him, but I couldn't bring myself to forgive him.

I had a few dates, but nothing serious. I never managed to find someone that wanted the same as me. A life long commitment. Most of them wanted sex or were only experimenting. I saw a lot of guys getting married, lots die from AIDS. I was not fully happy, but at least I kept my dignity.

So, 7 years passed, and here I am again with my tux trying to tie the knot. I never managed to get the hang of it. Tom used to spend hours trying to teach me with no results.

"You could never do that..."

I looked in the mirror and there stood Tom with his tux. He walked towards me and put his arms around my neck dismantling the tie. I looked into his eyes through the mirror

"You ready for this?"

He looked at me" Of course I am... I proposed remember?"

I nodded

His fingers touched my neck. It brought good memories to my mind. Times spent on the couch just dozing of and not doing anything. I sighed

"Thanks for coming Nate..."

"Natie made me come..."

He nodded" He does have a way with people doesn't he?"

"Yeah...takes after his father..."

Tom finished the knot and adjusted my tie" Nate..."

I knew this was coming. I spent the whole weekend trying to avoid him alone. I knew he was going to say it

"Why didn't you take me back?"

I sighed" Tom..."

His arms were resting on my shoulders now" Tom... you have little Nate now...and he his the first thing in your life. You couldn't be with me. I know you can't handle telling him about your true self..."

"Nate..."

"Let me finish... I don't know if you're really in love with this women or not. But in the end maybe it's the best for everyone. She gets you, Nate gets a mom and daddy, and you get the family you always wanted..."

He looked at me straight into my soul" You don't get anything..."

I smiled. The tears wanted to escape, but I managed to hold them "Tom... what I want isn't relevant now... you have a wedding to attend and a wife and son to make happy... I wish you the best..."

He lowered his head and his arms went to his side" You know I always loved you... little Nate and Jennifer won't change it you know..."

I grabbed his hand" Tom... you made your choice... I made mine... you got trough that door and do what you have to do, do what makes you happy... You know I still love you, but please do think about Nate..."

He looked at me and started leaning into a kiss, I stopped him with my finger "No Tom... I don't want to do something that will make me suffer for weeks... Please just go...I'll be there by your side on the aisle and the rest of your life...just not as I want to..."

He let a tear escape and nodded. We both cleaned up and he gave me a last look. He composed his tie and took of to the aisle. I looked one last time at the mirror and put on a smile.

I knew since I discovered that I was gay that a serious relationship was something almost impossible, but I wanted it neither lees. I always longed for the special one. And now that my soul mate was gonna get married I knew that I was gonna spend the rest of my life alone watching him be happy.

Hope you liked it...mail me to pookie_story@hotmail.com