*******This story is a complete work of fiction and is in no way intended to reflect Ryan Phillippe's real sexuality.
Once again, I opened my eyes slowly after a night of little sleep. The peaceful feeling of the day before was long gone as I stared around the empty spare bedroom, feeling utterly and totally alone.
I could tell from the amount of daylight in the room that it was still pretty early. I crept slowly out into the hall, not sure what to expect. Everything was deathly silent. I went to the door of the master bedroom and knocked softly. There was no answer.
I turned the knob lightly, my heart beginning to pound rapidly. Somehow, I felt as though my entire future depended on what was behind this door. If Ryan was still there, maybe we could work things out. If he'd gone to the set without me, knowing that I had to leave that evening, it was over.
I opened the door, unconsciously holding my breath. The bed was empty, it's blankets tousled and twisted together, like Ryan had had a rough night, too. I walked inside, still not breathing. The room was as empty as the bed.
I exhaled suddenly and dropped on to the bed, feeling like my legs couldn't support me any longer. It was over. Everything that Ryan and I had, all gone. Why had I been so stupid? I'd given up the best thing that had ever happened to me!
I shut my eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears. I just sat there on the edge of the bed, my fists clenched tightly together and tears squeezing their way out from under my eyelids as I fought desperately to control them. For a few moments, that was all my brain would recognize- the need to hold back the tears. As long as I concentrated on that, nothing else could get through.
I felt something softly brush across my face. My eyes flew open and I gasped. Ryan was kneeling down on the carpet in front of me, one hand raised to brush the tears from my cheeks. His own face was a clear indication of his sleepless night, and his eyes were rimmed with tears of his own.
"Seth, I'm sorry. Please stop crying, okay? I can't stand to see you cry," Ryan said, his voice heavy.
"I thought you'd left, that you...... that it was....that I ruined everything," I said, trying to stop the tears that were flooding down my face. I leaned forward, hugging Ryan tightly against me. "God, Ryan, I can't lose you. This just hurts too much."
"You're not losing me, Seth, okay? I'm sorry," Ryan mumbled against my chest as I continued to hold onto him for all I was worth.
"I'm sorry, Ryan. I acted like such an ass. I don't have any right to make demands of you," I said, pulling back finally. Ryan stood up and sat down on the bed next to me. He slowly took my hand in his and squeezed tightly.
"Yeah, Seth, you do. I love you. We're in a relationship. I can't just put you second to my career. What we have should come first, you were right. I've been the ass," Ryan said, looking into my eyes.
I wasn't sure what to say. I just sat there, staring back into his sad blue eyes, loving him more than I'd ever loved anything in my entire life.
"Um, Seth? Gonna say anything?" Ryan finally asked, smiling a little.
"Yeah. I am. I love you so much Ryan. I never thought it was possible to love this much. I don't think I can even breathe if you're not in my life," I whispered, more tears rolling down my face as the emotions overcame me.
Ryan slowly wiped the tears away once again and smiled. "Hey, no more of that, okay?" He leaned in slowly and our mouths met. His tongue met mine as his free hand ran down my back, his other hand never letting go of mine.
"Ryan....." I finally pulled back, smiling at him. "Don't you have to get to work soon?"
"No, I don't. I'm not going in today, I already called. Did you really think I'd let you spend your last day here watching me work?" Ryan asked, his eyes sparkling.
"Well, there's work," I smiled, leaning forward for another kiss, "And then there's work." We kissed again and slowly began to fall sideways on the bed. When we broke apart, we both laid there for a moment, facing each other. Ryan ran a hand through my hair and smiled.
"I love you, Mr. Barnes."
"I love you, too, Mr. Phillippe."
Ryan slowly sat up, and I reached up to help him pull his shirt over his head. I started to kiss his chest, running my tongue lightly over his nipples. Ryan moaned and moved back against the headboard. I reached down and slowly unzipped his pants, slipping one hand inside.
Ryan sighed softly as my hand found his warm, hard cock. With one hand I slowly began to pull his pants down as I continued to massage him with the other. Once his jeans were down around his ankles, I leaned forward and began to run my tongue up and down his cock, making him moan and grab the back of my head, before I slowly took as much of him down my throat as I could.
Ryan continued to groan with pleasure as I moved my head up and down, enjoying the feeling of his warmth and fullness in my mouth. After a few minutes his breath became shorter and I pulled back.
"Not yet," I said softly. Ryan groaned, smiling up at me. I got off the bed and quickly removed my own shirt and underwear, which I'd slept in. I grabbed a condom and the lubricant from my suitcase in the corner. Moving back over to the bed, I unwrapped the condom put it gently around the top of Ryan's cock. Then, I leaned forward and unravelled it down the length of his eight inches with my mouth.
After quickly readying myself, I smiled as I laid back on the bed. Ryan grinned as he sat up, pulling my legs around his waist. He moved forward and I felt the head of his cock delicately pushing it's way inside of me.
I moaned as Ryan eased the rest of his cock into me, his eyes never leaving mine. Like the first time we'd made love, he rested his forehead against mine as we began to move in rhythm, both of us moaning with delight.
"Ohh, Ryan..... I love you so much....." I gasped, feeling an incredible sense of peace as our bodies worked together, like I was right where I was meant to be.
"Seth.....oh, God....I love you......I.....can't live without you.....oooh," Ryan moaned. He suddenly threw his head back and shouted in pure ecstasy as he began to cum. Looking up at his face, twisted in such pleasure, I started to cum, too.
Ryan fell forward and we both tried to catch our breath. I ran a hand through his damp hair and down his sweaty back, feeling tears come to me eyes once again. Only this time, they were tears of joy.
After a few minutes, Ryan rolled over to his side and disposed of the condom. He smiled as he looked back into my eyes.
"That was incredible, Seth. It's never been like that. Never!"
"Well, they do say that make up sex is the best," I grinned. Ryan gently put a finger to my lips and shook his head.
"No. It didn't have anything to do with our fight or making up. It had to do with how much I love you. How much we love each other."
"Ryan, what did I ever do to deserve you?" I asked, leaning forward and brushing my lips against his.
"I think it's the other way around," Ryan smiled. "Well, what do you want to do today?"
"What? I want to keep doing this! Let's just spend the rest of the day in bed," I sighed, laying my head on his stomach.
Ryan put a hand under my chin and raised my head so that he was looking directly into my eyes. "No. I don't want this to be something we have to hide behind closed doors. Not any more. I love you too much for that. Lets go out and make a day of it."
I sat up, feeling a mixture of happiness and guilt. "Ryan, no. You don't have to prove anything. I never wanted us to go out and flaunt this. I know what that would do to your career and I know what your career means to you."
Ryan sat up, too, his face serious. "Seth, my career was the most important thing in my life. Until I met you. Now it's a distant runner up, okay? I've been an ass, like I said. I want today to be special. The two of us are going to go wherever you want, anywhere in this city, and we're not going to worry about anything. Okay? Now, let's get cleaned up so we can get going!"
For the next several hours, Ryan and I saw the sights of New York. We started out with the Empire State building, and didn't stop until we'd taken in just about all there was to see. Several times during the day Ryan was approached by fans, mostly teenaged girls, wanting autographs. He always smiled and signed whatever they asked him to, chatting with them like he'd known them for years.
"You're really great with people," I smiled after the eighth such encounter.
"Oh, with girls, sure. I have three sisters, you know!" Ryan laughed.
As the day wore on, we both became more and more solemn. By the time we finished our day together with a carriage ride through Central Park, neither of us was saying a word. I laid back against him in the enclosed carriage, listening to the clip clop of the horses feet and the sound of traffic in the background.
"I wish it could always be like this," I sighed finally, after a long silence.
"It can, Seth. There's nothing to stop us, is there?" Ryan whispered softly in my ear.
"Well, in a few hours I'll be on a plane and I won't see you again for weeks. It's like there's something always tearing us apart. I just don't want to leave you, Ryan," I whispered back.
"Then don't." Ryan's words had a pleading ring to them.
"I have to, Ryan. I have a job, a career. I can't drop all of it to spend the next five weeks with you. I wish I could," I sighed.
"You could, though. Quit the show, I mean," Ryan said.
I sat up and looked back at him with disbelief. "Ryan, I can't quit. It's my big break. Besides, I love working there, I love the people I work with. It would be different if you lived in New York, but you're only here for a few more weeks."
Ryan sighed and closed his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry. I just got this image in my head of you staying here with me. You could work on your script every day while I'm on the set, and then when we go back you could move into my house and we'd start pitching it around to the studio execs. It could all be so perfect, we'd never have to be apart for more than a few hours a day."
I closed my own eyes, for a moment letting myself get sucked into the image Ryan painted. It was so tempting....
"I wish I could, Ryan," I finally said, shaking the image out of my head. "I really wish I could. But I have to get back. They're depending on me and I need this job. I can't just live off of you, can I?" I laughed softly.
"I wish you would! But what do you think about the other part?" Ryan asked, opening his eyes again.
"What? The script? I'm going to finish it. I think I had you in mind all along, subconsciously, when I was writing it," I said, running my hand softly across his cheek.
"No, not that. About moving into my house," Ryan smiled. I stared at him for a long moment, taken by surprise.
"Seriously? But don't you think.... I mean, Ryan, people would find out for sure if we did that. I love you so much for today, but I don't want you ruining your career to prove that you love me. I know you do," I said.
"Seth, just think about it, okay? And let me worry about my career. I know what I'm doing. Finally," Ryan's devilish grin flashed across his face.
"All right. I promise I'll think about it," I said, before I kissed him again.
When we finally returned to the car Ryan had been given by the studio, he surprised me by driving in the opposite direction of his apartment.
"Ryan, where are we going now? I have a plane to catch!" I laughed.
"Seth, there are a few more things we have to do. Don't worry, there's still time," Ryan smiled. I leaned back in my seat and smiled over at him, shaking my head.
"You really are amazing," I sighed.
"So I've been told," Ryan grinned.
I was more than a little shocked when Ryan pulled onto the lot that was serving as a studio for his movie. I started to ask what we were doing there, but one look at Ryan's determined face stopped me. I had a feeling I knew.
Ryan parked the car and we made our way onto the set. They were just finishing a scene between the second male and female leads. Ryan led the way through the building to the back lot, where the Stars' trailers were. I wasn't surprised when he headed right for Reese's.
"Ryan," I said as we reached the door. "Maybe I shouldn't be here for this." Ryan shook his head swiftly as the door opened.
Reese stared at Ryan with surprise written all over her face. She looked at me briefly, but Ryan's sudden appearance at her trailer seemed to be all she could take in.
"Ryan? What?" Reese asked, her face flushing a little. She seemed truly flustered and uncertain what she should say to the guy who'd broken her heart.
"Reese, you and I have to talk. It's important," Ryan said. Reese nodded slowly and stepped back into the trailer, making way for Ryan to step inside. Reese looked at me oddly as I followed Ryan inside, but said nothing.
The three of us sat down, Ryan and I on the sofa and Reese across from us in a director's chair. She just stared at Ryan, waiting to hear what he had to say. Looking at Ryan's face, I could see the doubt and the fear that was there, but also the determination to do what he was about to do. I felt sorry for him, and a little guilty for having forced this on him.
"Reese, I know I really hurt you. I'm sorry. That doesn't make up for anything, I know. But Seth here has made me see that I owe you the truth," Ryan started, his voice a curious mixture of reluctance and determination.
Reese looked at me, her eyes a little confused, as Ryan continued talking. "I liked you a lot, Reese. I still do. You're a great person, a great friend. But I never..." I looked at Ryan as he struggled to find the words within himself. I slowly reached over and took his hand between mine. Reese's eyes were focused on Ryan's face and she didn't notice the movement.
"Reese, I was never really in love with you," Ryan finally said, squeezing my hand tightly. Reese continued to stare at Ryan silently, but her eyes began to fill with tears. "I thought I could do it. For awhile, I even thought I did love you, Reese. Every single day I'd look at you and realize how wonderful my life would be if I could just love you, just want to be with you in that way."
"Then why.... Why did you pretend," Reese's voice was chocked with emotion as she tried to ask the obvious question.
"Reese, I had to. Or at least I thought I did. My manager..... No, I can't even blame them any more. I could have told them no. I should have told them to go straight to hell. It was my own fault," Ryan shook his head slowly. "Reese, I had to date you so that no one would find out that I'm gay."
The words seemed to hang there, suspended in the air between the three of us. No one moved, or even breathed, for what seemed an eternity. Reese finally broke the spell by dropping her eyes, looking away from Ryan's face at last. When she did, she saw our hands for the first time.
"Oh my God," she whispered, standing up. She began to pace back and forth in what space there was in the trailer. "You're gay. Ryan, why? How could you do this to me? I loved you! I still...." Reese suddenly stopped her pacing, facing away from us. She slowly turned around, her eyes angry.
"And last night, I bet you two had a good laugh at my expense, didn't you? After I said you'd come from L.A. to see me, and you went along with it! You bastards!" Reese hissed through clenched teeth.
"No, Ree. It wasn't like that. We had a fight last night, about me putting my career first and not telling you about the real reason I ended it. Seth is the one who convinced me I had to do this," Ryan said, standing up and moving towards Reese.
Reese and Ryan stood there, a few inches apart, staring. I sat on the couch, feeling like I wanted to find a hole and just jump into it. Before either of us saw it coming, Reese drew back her hand and slapped Ryan across the face. I jumped to my feet and put a hand on Ryan's shoulder as Reese slowly started backing away.
"Oh, God. Ryan, I'm sorry. I'm..... why did you have to do this to me? Why me? Why didn't you just tell someone you needed a fake girlfriend? I've heard it happens all the time. You could have made an arrangement with a willing actress who needed the publicity. Why did you have to choose me, and make me fall in love with you?" Reese asked, tears rolling down her face.
"Ree, I'm sorry. God, you have no idea how sorry I am. I honestly intended for us to stay together, maybe even get married. I thought I could do it. But-"
"You met Seth," Reese interrupted, nodding slowly. She turned her eyes to me and I looked back into hers, trying to communicate how sorry I was for what she was going through, and how much I loved Ryan.
"Yeah, Ree. I met Seth. I love him, Reese. I love him more than anything," Ryan said. Reese nodded again, turning away from us.
"Thank you, Ryan. Thank you for finally being honest. Maybe now I can put this behind me and try and move on. Could you leave me alone, now?" Reese spoke softly, staring down at a bottle of Evian sitting on the counter.
Ryan and I walked slowly past her towards the door. As Ryan opened it, Reese spoke again, still contemplating the Evian bottle.
"I... I hope you're both happy together. Everyone deserves to find love."
Ryan and I made our way back out to his car, neither of us saying a word. Once we were in the car, Ryan suddenly turned towards me and pulled me into a hug.
"Thank you, Seth. God, that was the hardest thing I've ever done. I couldn't have gotten through that without you there," he mumbled into my neck. I hugged him tightly, running a hand down his back.
"I know, Ryan. It's over now. You did the right thing."
"God, I feel so awful, though. The look on her face. How could I have been such a bastard?" Ryan asked softly.
"Ryan, you were only doing what you thought you had to. Like you said, you even thought you could make a life with her. I know you never meant to hurt her. Once this all settles down, she'll know it, too," I said, running my hand through his curly blonde hairy.
Ryan pulled back and smiled. "Thank you, Seth. I really don't know what I'd do without you." Ryan started the car and headed in the direction of his apartment.
"Hey, I though you said we had a couple of things to do before I left. Why are we going back already?" I asked, smiling.
"Did I say couple? Sorry, don't know what I was thinking," Ryan smiled mischievously. I looked at him, wondering just what else he was planning on doing before I had to leave for my flight.
By the time we were back in his apartment, time was already short. I went back to his room and put my suitcase on the bed, unzipping it to throw in the clothes I'd worn the day before and the script I'd started. When I did, I noticed a small grey box sitting on top of my clothes. My heart skipped a beat as I slowly reached forward and picked it up. I held my breath once again as I popped up the lid and looked down at the gold band inside.
Ryan slipped his arms around me from behind and gently kissed my neck. "Do you like it?" he whispered softly.
"I.....it's beautiful Ryan. What...." I felt my throat constrict and I couldn't find the words as I stared down at the ring.
"Let's call it a promise ring, Seth. It's a promise from me that from now on you're number one in my life, above everything else," Ryan said. He turned me around and removed the box from my grasp. He took the ring out of it and raised my shaking hand.
"I hope it fits," he grinned, as he slid the ring onto my finger. It went on with ease, as perfect a fit on my finger as Ryan was in my life.
"I love you so much, Ryan. I can't even begin to tell you how much," I smiled, tears running down my cheeks for the millionth time that day.
"You don't have to tell me, Seth. I can see it every time I look into your eyes."
*****I'm sorry this story is a little short, but I'm in the midst of studying for finals! The next one will be the usual length. Hope you enjoyed it!
*********Please send any comments or suggestions to justins_boy@hotmail.com