This story involves members of the band NSYNC. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of its members. This is purely a fictional story. Enjoy!
Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to write me. I really, really enjoy hearing from you guys, so please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)
Ryan and Lance - Part 19
As Ryan sobbed on his bed, he recalled the events of the last year, from his life on the streets, to the day he met Lance, to the day NSYNC rejected Lance, to today...when he finally heard the phrase the he feared most.
"Why am I feeling this way?" Ryan asked himself. From the beginning, Ryan was so careful not to let his feelings for Lance get out of hand, knowing that it was impossible for the two of them to be together. "Then why does it hurt so much to hear him say it?"
Losing track of time, Ryan got up from the bed, dried his tears, and quickly packed a few things into his backpack. "I can't stay here any longer," he convinced himself. "Lance has found his love and...I can't stay with him anymore...it'll hurt too much." He quickly scribbled a note and left it on the desk. He knew Lance would take care of Scottie until he could find a place to stay. Ryan took one last glance at the room, then he walked out into the hall. He hoped that everyone would still be preoccupied with their conversations and not notice his exit.
As Ryan walked towards the stairs, Lance came out of his room, followed by Justin. "Ryan, where are you going?"
Ryan looked at Lance for a split second, then turned away. "I'm leaving, Lance."
Lance looked at Ryan with bewilderment. "Why?" was all the blond singer could ask.
"I can't stay here anymore...I don't want to stay here anymore."
Lance's eyes began to fill up with tears. "What did I do?" he asked. "I'm sorry if I did anything wrong...don't go, Ryan. Please..."
Ryan kept his eyes on the floor, scared that if he looked at Lance his will would soften. "I've got to go," Ryan answered coldly. With that he began to head towards the stairs.
Lance reached out for Ryan's arms. "Don't go, Ryan...I...I need you."
Those words hit Ryan like a rock. "I can't give in now...it'd ruin it for all of us..." he thought to himself. He turned around to face Lance, "I don't need you, anymore, Lance. You don't own me..."
Lance's face went white as those words came out of Ryan's mouth. Immediately, Ryan knew he made a mistake. He desperately wanted to say that he didn't mean what he said but he knew that he had gone too far to turn back now. But Lance didn't let go...instead, he held on tighter. Ryan knew his will was crumbling and he had to get out of here quickly. Mustering all his willpower, Ryan turned around shoved Lance aside, causing him to hit the wall before falling onto the floor. With that, Ryan ran down the stairs and out the door.
Tears streaming down his face, Ryan could hear Lance grimace in pain from the fall. He closed his eyes and kept running...but he could only see how he had hurt Lance. He tried to shut out the images but it was a losing battle.
Justin could not believe what he had just witnessed. Everything happened so quickly he had trouble understanding why everything turned out the way they did. After Ryan ran out of the house, he quickly went over to Lance to see if he was alright. Lance was hurt, more emotionally than physically. He began to sob uncontrollably.
Amidst all the commotion, the rest of the guys had rushed upstairs to see what was going on. All they found was Lance on the floor crying and Justin trying unsuccessfully to comfort him.
Before JC could ask him what was going on, Justin dashed down the stairs and headed outside. Once on the driveway, he glanced around. In the distance, he could still make out Ryan's figure. Justin began to chase after Ryan. Normally, he could've caught up to Ryan easily, especially since Ryan was carrying some baggage. But after a minute into the chase, Justin's leg injury showed its effects, and sharp pains were shooting up Justin's body. Ignoring the pain, he continued running after Ryan, and was steadying closing the distance between them.
With only several steps to go, Justin's fatigue overwhelmed him and he tripped and fell to the ground. The sound caught Ryan's attention and he turned around to see Justin sprawled on the ground. Ryan dropped his bag and ran towards Justin. "Are you alright?" he asked with genuine concern.
"Ryan, go back," Justin replied sternly.
"I'm not going back," Ryan answered just as stubbornly.
"Why are you doing this to Lance?" Justin asked again, more emotional this time.
"Doing what?"
"You know damn well what, Ryan," Justin rebuked.
"You don't have to worry about me...I'll be fine. And I'm sure you two will be very happy together," Ryan said sadly, though there was a hint of bitterness in his words.
"So that's what this is about?" Justin stammered, finally seeing the pieces of the puzzle fall into place. "The kiss...it's not what you think it was."
"Whatever...it doesn't concern me."
"Yeah, I admit...I love Lance," Justin continued. "But I'm not the one he loves. Ryan, Lance loves you."
Ryan couldn't believe what Justin was saying. "Then why did you two..."
"I had always wanted to be Lance's boyfriend...but I know that it's not meant to be...I just wanted to be able to kiss him just once. Unfortunately, you saw us doing it and totally misunderstood the whole thing."
Ryan's heart softened but another voice told him not to give in. "You're no good for Lance," the voice said. "If you love him, let him go." Ryan helped Justin to his feet. "I can't go back."
"WHAT??" Justin could not believe his ears. He thought explaining the situation would solve the whole problem.
"I said I'm not going back."
Justin was furious now. He grabbed Ryan's shirt and pulled him close. "What the hell do you want from him, Ryan? After all that he's done for you, this is how you repay him??"
"Let go of me, Justin," Ryan threatened.
"Or else what?" Justin taunted, "you're gonna hit me? Go ahead...you hypocrite!!"
"Shut the fuck up!!" Ryan ordered.
"You are a hypocrite," Justin continued relentlessly. "You have the nerve to come and lecture us about letting Lance down, about hurting him. What do you think you're doing now?? You're just as bad as us. But at least we admitted our wrong...you're nothing but an ungrateful bastard!!"
"I said shut up!!" Ryan demanded. He couldn't take this anymore. He knew Justin was right...but he didn't want to hear his accusations. Ryan pushed Justin away, sending him to the ground. He took one last look, whispered "I'm sorry," and continued running.
Justin was emotionally drained. He had tried everything in his power to bring Ryan back, but he had let Lance down again. He cried softly to himself as he sat on the ground. "I'm sorry, Lance...I'm so sorry..." he whimpered.
After a few minutes, Justin composed himself and went back to Lance's house.
Once there, he was surprised to find everyone sitting at the kitchen table. No more crying, no more sobbing. Everything and everyone was calm. Justin walked into the kitchen nervously, not knowing what was going on.
"Good, you're back," JC announced as he saw Justin walking in. "We have to discuss how we're gonna do tomorrow's concert."
"Oh my god...I totally forgot," Justin exclaimed.
"Well, we were thinking of having Lance appear part way through the show and give the fans a surprise," Joey explained.
"Yeah, then I was hoping that I could say a few words to them before dedicating a song to them," Lance continued calmly.
"Sounds good, I guess," Justin answered, still puzzled as to the sudden calm that has taken over the group.
After a few more minutes of discussion, Lance went upstairs to get a few things done before heading out to dinner. Justin followed his friend up the stairs.
"Lance?"
Lance turned around and smiled. "Yeah, Curly?"
"I'm sorry...about what happened," Justin said remorsefully. "I feel like it's all my fault."
Lance moved to give Justin a big hug. "It's okay. It's not your fault. It's not over between Ryan and I. I know it."
As the two friends hugged, Justin let out a grimace as he agitated the wound on his knee. "I'm so sorry, Justin...I totally forgot about your knee."
"Don't worry 'bout it. I'm not dying just yet," Justin answered with a smirk.
"Glad to hear that," Lance replied with a grin. "I'm just gonna get changed and then we can get going."
"Good, 'cause I'm starving." Justin paused before continuing, "so you're really okay, right, Scoop?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine." Lance smiled and headed to his room. He closed the door behind him and immediately, his tears took over. He went over to his bed and sobbed softly into his pillow. "I need you, Ryan..."
...to be continued....
Hope you enjoyed this segment. Let me know what you think!!
As always, I'd love to hear any comments/ideas/questions. Please e-mail me at jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)