This story involves members of the bands NSYNC. I am in no way implying anything about the sexuality of any of their members. This is purely a fictional story. Enjoy!
Thanks to everyone who have taken the time to write me. I really, really enjoy hearing from you guys, so please send any comments and/or suggestions to jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)
Ryan and Lance - Part 13
Ryan stopped and turned around to face the guys once again, his eyes still filled with contempt and disdain. "What do you want now?" he asked coldly.
"Please, give us one more chance with Lance?" JC literally begged.
"That's not for me to decide...but after what you've done to him, I wouldn't expect too much..." Ryan's cell phone (the one that Lance let him borrow) rang. "Hello? Scottie? What do you mean? You tried the door and its locked?...Did you try calling Lance? Okay, I'm coming back now...stay where you are, ok?" Ryan shut off the phone and suddenly terror struck his face and it lost all of its colour.
"What's the matter??" JC asked worriedly.
"No...don't, Lance...don't!!!"
"What is it?" JC demanded, sounding more urgent.
Without answering him, Ryan dashed out the door, running as fast as he could to his car. JC and Justin were in hot pursuit, followed by Joey and Chris. Ryan drove off as quickly as he could, breaking all speed limits and traffic rules along the way. JC started his car and everyone piled in. Ryan got back to Lance's house in record time, and JC arrived a minute later. Not having the time to argue, Ryan left the door open for JC and the guys. Running up the stairs, he could see Scottie sobbing outside Lance's room. "Lance??" Ryan shouted. "Answer me!!"
There was silence.
"If you don't answer me I'm forcing my way in!" By now, JC and the guys were standing beside Ryan. "Okay, I'm coming in!!" Ryan rammed his body against the door and it flew open. There was no one in the room. Running into the bathroom, Ryan stopped in his tracks as he saw Lance's limp body by the bathtub, a razor blade on the floor, blood all over his body, and pills spilled everywhere. "NO!!!!!!!!!" Ryan screamed in anguish. Justin let out a cry and JC gasped. Justin ran to the phone and dialed 911, screaming into the phone hysterically.
The paramedics soon arrived and took Lance to the hospital, with everyone else following close behind. As they sat outside the operating room, waiting anxiously, JC came to sit beside Ryan, who was again in tears. "I shouldn't have listened to him...I should've stayed with him..." Ryan lamented. His hands were clutching a note that Lance had left him. Only now did Ryan realize that he had not yet read what was written inside. He unfolded the sheet of paper and read:
Ryan,
My world as I knew it has ended. Nothing matters anymore, because all that had mattered to me are now nothing but painful memories. Time and time again, I've felt the pain of rejection in this harsh world...I know I've been spoiled all my life...to many people, I have everything. But none of what I have matters.
I'm a coward, I admit it. I'm not like you...I don't have the courage to face reality and to deal with it. I don't know what else I can do but to take the easy way out.
I'm sorry, Ryan, for leaving you with this mess. You've been a great friend, and I will miss you and Scottie very much. I've left you everything that I owned...my house, my car, my bank account. Just go to my lawyer (the address is on my desk) and he will arrange everything for you. You've had a hard life, but I want you and Scottie to live as comfortable a life as possible from now on. Keep up with your studies and you'll go far.
Again, I'm so sorry, Ryan.
Your friend always,
Lance
Ryan crumpled the note and buried his face in his hands. "He said that you guys wouldn't care if he turned up dead the next morning..." he stammered. "I didn't think he really meant it...I'm so stupid..."
Ryan sobbed relentlessly as JC looked on, tears also streaming down his face. "What have I done?" JC thought to himself. "I might've killed one of my best friends, all because I was afraid of how people would look at me...Lance was right...I'm the worst of them all...worst of them all...worst of them all..." Those last words kept repeating themselves in JC's head. He was so preoccupied with those thoughts that he didn't see the doctor emerging.
Ryan ran up to the doctor upon seeing him. "How is he?" he asked, afraid to hear what the answer might be.
"I don't know what caused this young man to do what he did, but luckily you brought him here in time. What he did was serious, and he must have suffered some severe emotional damage to try anything so horrible." The doctor paused for a few seconds before continuing. "Right now, he is very emotionally fragile and cannot afford to take any more stress. As for his physical health, he is still rather weak but I don't foresee any permanent damage."
"Thank god!!" Justin replied with relief.
"Can we go in to see him?" Joey asked hopefully.
"Yes, but he said that he only wanted to speak with Ryan," he replied. Turning to Ryan, "is that you?"
Ryan nodded while the other guys sighed in helplessness. Entering the room, Ryan saw Lance lying on the bed staring blankly at the ceiling, almost the same way that he found Lance earlier in his own bedroom. "Don't you ever do that again, Lance?" Ryan said tearfully. "You haven't lost everything...you still have me and Scottie." Tears broke out on Lance's face again as he looked at Ryan. "The rest of the guys are outside...do you want to see them?"
"NO!!!" Lance screamed hysterically. "I don't want to see them...I don't want to see them ever again!!!" His arms were flinging and his body trembling. Lance's reaction scared Ryan...it was almost as if Lance had lost control of himself.
Ryan ran over to Lance and hugged him tightly. "It's okay..." he whispered, "I'm sorry...it's okay..."
"I don't want to see them...no...I don't want to be mocked and rejected again...no..." Lance mumbled blankly. Tears rolled down Lance's face as he spoke and Ryan's heart broke seeing him in this state.
Outside, the guys heard Lance's outburst clearly. His reaction shocked everyone, because even from where they were waiting, they could hear the despair, fear, and anguish in Lance's voice. JC collapsed onto the bench, his face expressionless. Justin moaned again and cried softly. "What have I done??" he whispered.
Joey's eyes were red from crying. "What did you guys do to Scoop? That's not Lance in that hospital room...that's not the Lance that I know. I want the old Lance back...you guys killed him!!!" Joey's voice choked as he broke into tears. "What did you do???" he kept muttering.
"God, JC, you are a murderer..." he whispered to himself. "You killed your best friend...look what you did to him...God, Lance didn't deserve this...why, JC? Why couldn't you stand up for your friend...Why???" JC was tormenting himself with blame but he knew that no amount of tormenting could make up for the harm that he had bestowed on Lance.
"Justin, you're a fucking bastard," the blond singer thought to himself as he stared out the window. "Why??? Why couldn't you act on your feelings? Why did you have to be scared? Why couldn't you tell Lance the truth??? Why, Justin, why?? God, Scoop, if only I could do it all over again...if only..."
It was nearly an hour before Lance finally fell asleep. Even sleeping, Ryan could see tears forming in the singer's eyes. He sighed sadly and left the room, taking one last glance at his friend before leaving. Ryan was surprised to find everyone still waiting outside, but his anger had not subsided. "If anything...anything happens to Lance, I'll NEVER forgive any of you," he threatened. With that, he walked towards the elevator, totally ignoring the singers.
As the days passed, Lance slowly recovered. His physical recovery was quick but his emotional scars remained deeply entrenched. Despite looking the same as before, Lance was nowhere near his old self. A smile rarely broke out on his angelic face and he would talk very little. Ryan tried his best to help Lance but he knew there was only so much that he could do. Even though Lance never admitted it to Ryan, he knew that the singer missed NSYNC very much. Several nights, he found Lance holding a photo of the group, staring at it blankly. Eventually, he would always here quiet sobs...the only way that Lance could fall asleep was to cry himself to sleep.
Lance had passed off all the paperwork for the group back to management. With all the extra time on his hands, Lance decided to keep himself busy with his school work, hoping that somehow, work could erase the pain that he was feeling. Most of the time he was alone at home, since both Ryan and Scottie still had school.
On this day, Lance sat in the kitchen reading his finance textbook. Things had gotten a little better now. It had been three weeks since that fateful day and slowly, Lance was adjusting to life after NSYNC. Surprisingly, the media had not gotten hold of the news of NSYNC's breakup and there were no media leaks. But Lance knew that it was only a matter of time before he had to make some sort of public statement. Although he knew it was necessary, he was dreading that moment. The doorbell rang and Lance got up from his seat to open the door.
"Hello Lance," Joey said nervously.
"I don't want to talk," Lance replied coldly before closing the door in Joey's face. He walked back to the kitchen but stopped halfway. "Stop it, Lance," he told himself, "Joey's not to blame. Don't take your anger out on him." Sighing, Lance walked back to the door and opened it. Joey was walking towards his car. "Joe..." Lance called out.
Joey turned around to face Lance. "I'll leave you alone, Lance," Joey replied sadly.
"I'm sorry, Joe," Lance apologized, "I had no right to do that. Why don't you come on in?"
Joey shyly walked into Lance's house. He felt strange. He knew Lance so well yet it felt like he was walking into a stranger's house.
"Have a seat," Lance motioned to the couch. As Joey sat down, both of them were kind of uncomfortable.
"Lance, I know that no matter what I say, I cannot change what the guys did to you. What they did was unforgivable."
"Don't talk about it, Joey...please..." Lance's voice choked as he spoke.
Joey's heart broke as he saw Lance's reaction. The wounds were still fresh and the pain that Lance felt was all too apparent. "I'm sorry, Lance...I'm not asking you to forgive us...but please at least let us talk to you, don't push us away."
"Joe, I appreciate what you are doing...but you weren't there when they rejected me..." Lance said tearfully, "you didn't see Justin's hatred, or Chris' anger, or JC's rejection...you weren't there when Justin pushed me to the floor, when he called me a faggot..."
"Stop, Lance, stop!! I don't want to hear anymore...I can't believe they did this to you..." Joey said sadly. "If only I had been there...they wouldn't have dared to treat you this way...I'm so sorry, Lance."
"Joey, thanks for your understanding. But don't blame yourself...what's happened has happened...there is nothing we can do now..."
"Lance, what do you mean..." Joey knew what was coming but he didn't want to believe it.
"You and I both know that there is no way I can continue to stay in the group..."
"No...Lance...you can't leave...we need you..."
"No, you don't...they made it clear that day," Lance replied flatly. "The Lance Bass of NSYNC is dead, Joey...he died three weeks ago..."
...to be continued....
Hope you enjoyed this segment. Let me know what you think!!
As always, I'd love to hear any comments/ideas/questions. Please e-mail me at jaclarke@hotmail.com (ICQ #7964029)