I am still alive! I wanted chapter 25 done by the 25th of December but unfortunately I have just had too much on my plate... Regardless, I hope the season is jolly and gay for all... yes, well... This story is fictional and any connections to the real world is purely used as an artistic endeavor. Or is it autistic... Either way, it is my own little world. Enjoy and send all feedback (positive and negative) to me, Kevin at BrwyDevil@aol.com.
It was suggested that I add a synopsis before these last few chapters to sum up what's been going on because I love confusing people with a runaway soap opera plot that contains enough characters to start a Chekov play. So here you are:
Nick and Justin, remember them?- happily a pair, are only bummed out from time to time when one of them isn't there. Planned to be together to spend some time alone, Nick's chilled the orange juice and unplugged the phone.
Brian and Howie, once happy now lowsy must sit down together and elude the bad weather.
Kevin loves AJ and AJ's with a girl and though AJ is having doubts, he won't just toss the pearl. So Kevin has to get a grip, he can't just sit and hope. He must move on and leave behind the nights when he would mope.
And Christopher and Joey recovering at home, still have no leads about the crazy stalker's psycho dome.
Lance and JC, they're friends through thick and thin- determined they are content without third parties butting in. For now, at least, they're all they need and they're also all they got- so thats the top ten characters and the relative main plot.
Running Thoughts Part Twenty-Five: "But You Go On"
Detective Travers stepped out of the elevator and glared behind him. His eyes rolled as if he had just heard a very pathetic joke and he continued walking down the hall. He checked his notepad for the room number and then knocked softly on the white door to his left. Jack opened the door which surprised Travers. "We've forgotten all about you..." He said quickly.
The secretary, who had just finished putting highlights in his hair, asked, "Excuse me?"
"Oh, nothing- I'm sorry." he glossed over his remark. "My name is Detective Daniel Travers- I've been involved with a case recently and I have to interview Mr.Nick Carter- is this his room?"
Jack nodded and his face got screwed up in confusion. "Well, it is... I mean it was." He said. "We switched rooms a few days ago. Is there a problem?"
"Not a problem, no. He was present at the hotel the night Chris Kirkpatrick was drugged and I just need to ask him a few questions."
"Is he a suspect?" Jack leaned up against the door.
"No. His alibi clears him from the crime... I'm not ruling anyone out- but for the record we're not investigating him."
"I'm glad to hear that... let me take you to his room." Jack grabbed his card key and escorted the private dick down the hallway. "He told me he needed a more private and larger space for something he was planning and since we usually have more than one person share a room, I gave him mine..." Jack rambled. "Its a suite... I've never been in a suite till I got involved with these guys. Its really quite astounding."
Travers nodded and followed Jack to another set of white doors at the end of the hall. He knocked softly and put his hands behind his back. There was a long awkward pause as Jack looked at the imposing investigator and back to the blank door and then back to Travers.
Nick finally opened the door with a smile but seemed to be expecting someone else. "What's up, Jack?" he asked.
Travers extended his hand. "I'm a detective for the NYPD and you were on the scene of Chris Kirkpatrick's mysterious happening?""
"Yeah... the one that happened a month ago, right?"
"The case is still open."
Jack cocked his head to the side. "Perhaps we can come in and get the questions out of the way?"
Nick was slightly reluctant. He was barely allowing them to see the room through the half opened door, but he had no choice. "Yeah-it won't take long?"
"It depends on how you answer." Travers smirked and Nick opened the door and walked into the room. Jack followed behind. Nick stepped back out into the hall and looked down, disappointed that it was empty.
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Justin was about to knock on the door when it suddenly swung open and Nick lunged into the hallway, knocking him down. "Oh, geez! Sorry, man." He half laughed and half apologized. It was a strange feeling of déjà vu since this had been how they met. Barreling into each other seemed to be a great physical exertion for the two of them... it was a shame they were always dressed when it happened.
"I was just running out to see if you were coming..." Nick explained.
"I've never been tackled before." Justin coughed as Nick helped him up. "Well- that's a lie... but I've never been tackled in a hotel hallway before."
They looked into each others eyes. It had been so long since they had been face to face. Justin had a lot that he wanted to say. He wanted to look at Nick forever and hug him so hard that his spine would evaporate. He wanted to tell him all about his exboyfriend, Marcus and their recent visit. He wanted to kiss those moist, pink lips that were smiling at him.
Nick opened the door wider, "Come inside... you remember Jack, our secretary? He's in the living room." The door closed behind them. Justin looked at the large room before him. It had been decorated with strings of white Christmas lights and several shaped prisms that reflected the subtle light. The bedroom door had been closed, though a trail of monochromatic cloth had been set up elaborately as a carpet leading inside.
Jack moved over towards him. "Hello, Justin. Its good to see you again." He shook his hand and shoved his fists into his pockets. He stood in between the two teens awkwardly. It wasn't a secret why the two celebrity heart throbs were here. Jack quickly excused himself and clumsily pulled the door behind him.
Justin looked at Nick, his eyes wide and he smiled wider. He was glad they were finally alone. "Nice place you got here. Well... anything is paradise if you've been stuck for two weeks in a hospital lounge."
"Did Chris and Joey go home?" Nick asked as they moved to the white leather couches.
"They were released over the weekend. They both went to Joey's place. It's been hectic. The holidays have been here and gone and we couldn't even enjoy them. I made some appearances."
"Yes, I know. I saw you and Britney on Access Hollywood."
"One of these days I am going to actually talk to her." Justin smiled.
Nick leaned back. "We had some filming and some recording and some gigs... I was keeping up with your guest appearances as I was running around."
Justin collapsed in Nick's lap, draping his arms around his boyfriends neck. Nick laughed at this rushed, enthusiastic display of affection. "I've missed you."
"It's been hell. Weeks without you!" Nick kissed Justin's neck and ran his arm across his back. He looked over towards the light switch on the other side of the room. He had spent hours transforming the place into a romantic wonderland and light and ambiance. Travers and Jack had interrupted his little set up and forced him to turn on the lamps and ruin the beauty he was creating.
Travers had left a few minutes before Nick knocked Justin to the floor. Nick was trying to escort Jack out so that he could reset the quirky design that he thought might impress his boyfriend. Now he looked to the lightswitch and wished he could darken the room, eliminate the shadows and bask in the room he had manifested with his lover.
Justin didn't need to notice the small details that Nick was worrying about. He saw that a lot of work had been put into making the place look unique and appealing. He also knew what Nick had in mind. He wanted to make their first night together in weeks something special. He hugged Nick tighter. The familiar smell of Nick's clothes proved that this was not a dream. He was finally with him. All of the dilemmas and obstacles were on hiatus and his happiness was finally rejuvenated.
"I took the liberty of ordering dinner..." Nick said into Justin's sleeve. "It won't be here for another forty-five minutes."
"Its a good thing you didn't tackle the room service attendant." Justin smiled devilishly. "But what can we do in forty-five minutes that will increase our appetite?" He asked.
"Its only 45 minutes. You should have higher expectations for me than that!"
Justin giggled. "Oh, I do. But we can still work up a sweat in that time. Trust me, I have a lot of energy." He kissed Nick lightly and his eyes fluttered. The warm moistness of their lips caused a spark and they pressed harder against each other. Justin slid his legs on either side of Nick's and grinded his hips into his boyfriends pelvis. Nick let a moan escape from his quivering lips.
He brought his hand up Justin's back and began to massage his neck. Slowly, the kissing slowed down and their pelvic regions ceased causing friction. Their eyes met as their lips parted. "There's no rush. We have all night."
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Kevin couldn't stop laughing. He had just been thinking about lyrics for a song and some ridiculous rhyme had entered his head. While sitting alone in the room, he collapsed out of the chair and laughed hysterically to himself. He imagined putting this strange word set-up into a song. He looked down at the pad of paper in front of him as the laugh turned into a chuckle and the last tear of joy streaked down his face. Kevin couldn't even read his handwriting. It looked like it might have said 'pollywog' but now he wasn't sure.
Whatever had made him laugh, faded away. A smile remained on his face and he put his head back on the seat of the chair. ~Am I crazy?~ He thought to himself. ~Who does this? Who laughs to themselves for minutes like this?~ It didn't really matter. Perhaps being crazy was the one thing that cheered him up. He hadn't been depressed, persay.
Recently, the whole idea of AJ became more far-fetched than he had originally thought. Yes, he would always love him- but being with his bandmate was most definitly a fantasy he had concocted out of hopes and lonliness. No one in his life had struck him as much as AJ had. Maybe no one ever would again.
Such people took years to actually get over. But they would be enjoyable, prosperous, painful years. In a good way. Kevin got up from the floor and threw his pad on the bed. There was no real inspiration in him. That rhyme proved it. He was just in a writing mood and had nothing to say. Instead he decided to turn on the radio. There was some sort of jazz music playing. He couldn't stand waking up to pop music or hard rock n'roll in the morning, so he had set his clock radio for an old standard station.
He had told people of his favorite music in the past, but everyone's preferences were bound to change with age. It was evolution. He walked over to the dimmer switch attached to the bottom half of the light controls by the door and lowered the brightness level around him. He took off his hunter green sweater and smoothed his hair out. He laid out on the bed and turned off the ringer on the phone.
The next song on the radio was very soothing with a deep melody that Kevin smiled at. He had never heard it before, but something in the message sounded familiar. He thought of AJ again. As if he was sitting in the room with him. His smile grew wider. The words made him realize that love may be something that you want... but it only works when the other person wants you back.
This is a man who thinks with his heart, his heart is not always wise This is a man who stumbles and falls, but this is a man who tries This is a man you forgive and forgive and help protect for as long as you live
He will not always say what you would have him say But now and then he'll say something wonderful The thoughtless things you do will hurt and worry you Then all at once he'll do something wonderful He has a thousand dreams that won't come true You know that he believes in them and that's enough for you You'll always go along defend him when he's wrong And tell him when he's strong he is wonderful He'll always need your love and so he'll get your love A man who needs your love can be wonderful
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They finished the last note of the Star Spangled Banner and thousands of football fans and spectators and players cheered. The game could begin and the BSB were so pleased to have completed one of their lifelong goals. They were escorted off the field and back past the green room where Nick looked inside to see Justin talking to Steven Tyler of Aerosmith about smoking and singing.
Howie ran a few steps to catch up with Brian who was smiling at flashing bulbs of photographers lining the hallways. "Can I talk to you?" He asked in a voice that could be heard above the din of the press but not by everyone in their proximity.
Brian felt so much in his body. A yanking in his chest that he wanted to blame on gravity. A hollow scraping in the pit of his stomach that he wanted to blame on hunger. A trembling in his lips that he wanted to blame on temperature. It was all from Howie though. It was loneliness and fear and loss.
They moved into their dressing room and the voices were drowned out by the slamming of the door. "Good work, everyone!" Jack straightened his burgundy tie and smiled a bright set of teeth. "That's gotta feel good."
Kevin nodded. "It goes off of my checklist now. The only dreams I have left to accomplish are eating a twenty ounce steak and learning to tap-dance..."
Jack patted him on the back and moved towards the door. "All right, I've never been to the Superbowl before so... I'm going out to sit on the bench."
"Have fun." Nick said while changing his shirt.
"The bus leaves at nine o'clock. We'll beat the traffic." Jack announced as he closed the door behind him.
Nick yawned. "Well, that knocked the wind out of me... I'm going for a nap in the green room."
AJ smiled, knowing that Nick's boyfriend was waiting for him in there. They loved being together and AJ admired their strength. He was dealing with Lana but the happiness and eagerness he saw in Justin and Nick was incomparable. He didn't watch them often but he could see the passion, intensity and joy in Nick's face. After a sigh, he grabbed his duffel bag and walked out behind Nick, pondering if meeting Britney Spears would be a good thing or not.
Kevin opened a bottle of water and sat down on the couch. He unbuttoned his cuffs and looked around the room. Immediately he noticed Brian and Howie sitting with their backs to each other. His jaw tightened. He quickly looked for someone to converse with. The room was empty. Kevin tapped his water bottle nervously. It was obvious that Howie and Brian needed to talk with each other. Nothing is born of uncomfortable silence. "Well... I'd like to know what colors the teams are wearing. A lot of money goes into this game..." Kevin said as he stood up. "Commercials and publicity, you know." He walked slowly towards the door. "Well, umm, yeah... I'll buy you guys a foam finger." And he closed the door behind him.
Brian could see the back of Howie's head in the mirror. Usually he had been the one to initiate and guide their conversations. Howie asked to talk to him in the hallway. That was worth something, at least. Perhaps it was the growth that Brian needed to see in Howie. This talk couldn't hurt him anymore than he already was. Or so he thought. Brian looked at Howie's reflection. "Would you please cut that hair a little?"
"It is excessive." Howie smiled, not turning around. "I like looking different for every tour. Besides, I wanted to really make sure you didn't like girls..."
Brian laughed and turned around. He was still looking at his love's back. "Don't you want to look at me?"
"You always liked me from behind..." Howie smirked as he tilted his head to see Brian across from him. Innuendo could always break the ice. There was a silence as their eyes met and quickly shot away. "I wanted to talk to you, Bri." Howie turned towards him. Brian wasn't going to start the conversation so he just waited. "We haven't been alone together in months."
Brian was well aware of this. He had been bunking in Kevin's bedroom for the past few weeks and avoided Howie during the tour. Any time he saw him, intense emotions ravaged his mind and body. Keeping his distance was the best course of action. He wanted to have this conversation but he didn't know where it could go. Howie had broken his heart and even though he wanted to fix everything, Brian didn't know how easily he could forgive and forget. Morally that was the best thing to do but realistically he wasn't sure if he could pull it off. There had been too much between them and Brian wasn't sure if he could ever trust Howie again.
"Look, I can't stand this. Being apart from you is killing me." Howie's voice was low. "I need you to tell me how you're feeling and what I can do to help you..."
"I'm not going to tell you how to act. Either you know me and you know how to solve this major problem or, or...or you want me to absolve you of guilt and tell you how to fix everything." Brian stuttered and let his eyes dart around.
"Can't we just lay everything out on the table and work it out?"
Brian gritted his teeth and swallowed, though his dry mouth had produced no saliva. He felt his tears welling up but he quickly fought them back. "There are only so many times I can hear you say you're sorry before the words stop carrying meaning. I've been thinking about you non-stop since I found out you cheated on me and since we tried to patch things up the first time." Brian sat back in his chair and blinked. "There are two parts inside of me that want to react to this. One side needs you and can't wake up in the morning without you in my bed. The other side... can't even believe the hurt you've put me through and the unknown future we'd have if we dated again." Brian stared forward. "You'll always be in my life, Howie. But I just can't love someone that I don't know. You are not the same man I fell in love with..."
Howie had been expecting this. He had planned two possibilities in case this situation arose. He wanted to cry and beg Brian to take him back but dignity was more important to him. He wanted to be angry and he wanted to scream so loud that Madison Square Garden actually shook but he couldn't blame Brian for the way he felt. Instead, he pouted and nodded.
Brian had wanted to see some change in Howie. He wanted to know that in the final stage of their relationship, they could share the same grief. Howie's external acceptance of this depressing decrescendo made Brian break down.He felt the tremors in his legs and the flooding tears escape his eyes. He didn't want Howie to be with him through this. He was going to have to be alone... He was without a lover and a shoulder to cry on. Brian stood up from the mirrored tables and swiftly left the room.
Howie sighed. It wasn't what he was hoping for. Seeing Brian so unhappy and upset made him feel terrible. Knowing that he had had some part in creating it took its toll.He stood up. He needed to take a walk or something. The door opened and Nick and Justin entered as Howie approached.
"Umm, everything all right?" Nick asked.
Howie, who wasn't in the mood to justify his facial expressions, just shook his head and pushed past the young men. Justin raised his eyebrows and adjusted the bandana on his head. "I guess not."
"They've got a lot of things to work out." Nick explained as his fingertips brushed Justin's hip.
"It must not be easy being in a relationship within a band."
"Its the ultimate coupling of business and pleasure." The two guys sat down and looked at each other for a few moments. "I'm the glad the only problems we've run into so far have been with our conflicting calendars."
"Damned calendars!" Justin shook his head.
"So..." Nick started, "Are you ready for the half-time show?"
Justin shuddered. "We haven't had enough time to rehearse. I have no idea what's going to happen out there."
"Pray for a long first half." Nick leaned forward and kissed Justin's forehead lightly, running his hand over the singer's leg.
Justin smiled. "That or divine inspiration." They kissed again for a moment and sighed.
"Sometimes I feel like that's already struck." Nick smirked. He thought of another dream he had had. It had started more like a nightmare... being chased and accused and offended and alone. But he saw Justin at the end and he remembered everything being all right. The details had faded, as they often did but being alone with his boyfriend in the empty, chilly room had sparked some vivid picture in his brain. A long road leading to the horizon and the two of them together. It was a vision he always needed to remember. Nick squeezed Justin's hand and leaned back on the couch. "This is divine, isn't it?"
"Sure, thats one word for it."
Lance opened the door and peeked inside. "Hey, guys... sorry to interrupt." He averted his eyes. There was still a part of him that didn't like to see the two of them together. It was selfish, and he liked knowing that Justin was happy, but Lance would always have a crush on Nick. It was the way of things. "We're going to go over the music one more time..."
Justin shook his head. "Certainly couldn't hurt." He stood up and let his fingertips outline Nick's jawbone. "When will I see you again?" he whispered.
"When you least expect." Nick winked and Lance held the door open until Justin had backed his way through it. "Break a leg, boys."
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So, Very Very Late Happy New Year and Valentine's Day and President's Day! Make some mid-new-early-year resolutions and send all criticisms to me at BrwyDevil@aol.com, as usual!