Rumspringa

RUMSPRINGA

PART TWO

Chapter 4

Jason knew very well what Isaac was doing. His question sprang from complete disbelief. It was the last thing he expected to see. He had come to check on the ailing boys and stood at the door to the bedroom, aghast at the scene before him.

Isaac cried out in anguish, guilt, and shame, "OH SHIT!" Only then did he realize how careless he had been. His lustful behavior pierced his soul like a hot poker. He recoiled from his position next to Jeremiah's naked body, curled into a fetal position, and began to sob.

Jeremiah, abruptly awakened by the commotion, was thoroughly confused and too disoriented to speak. Questions raced through his mind. 'What's all the screaming about? Why is Zack crying? Why does Jason look so furious? And why am I naked with a full erection?' It was all too bizarre to make any sense of.

Jason regretted his outburst, regretted entering the bedroom without permission, and suddenly felt sorry for poor Isaac. He rushed in, put an arm around the suffering boy, and said, "I'm sorry, Zack. I shouldn't have shouted at you. It's all right now. I'm calmed down. Now I want you to calm down."

"What's going on?" Jeremiah asked as he pulled the sheet up to cover his throbbing member.

"You don't know?" Jason asked incredulously.

"I was asleep until I heard the yelling," Jeremiah explained.

"I'll explain later," Jason said, wanting to give his full attention to the sobbing young man who had assaulted his bedmate.

While Jeremiah sat in complete puzzlement, Jason continued to try to settle Isaac down. After several minutes, he was successful and the humiliated boy buried his head into Jason's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he blubbered through his tears.

"It's all right," Jason replied without really believing that it was. "Why don't we go downstairs to the kitchen and have a cup of tea. I think we need to talk."

"What's this all about?" Jeremiah asked.

"Later, Jerry. Zack or I will explain things in the morning. Just try to go back to sleep."

While Jason brewed the tea and set two cups on the kitchen table, Isaac sat with his head bowed, punishing himself for his behavior.

"Now, then," Jason began. "I know what you were doing. But I don't know why. Talk to me. If I know why you were doing it, maybe I can help."

Isaac raised his head and stared at Jason for several moments, worrying that it would only make his situation worse to confess his yearnings. Eventually he spoke. "The devil is in me. He plants thoughts in my mind, evil thoughts. Satan took over tonight. I failed to fight him off. I allowed myself to do what he wanted me to do. I'm not homosexual, Jason, but I have these wicked thoughts about men -- Jerry in particular. His body, tonight, was like a forbidden fruit and I had to have it. I've condemned myself to eternal damnation!"

Jason did not believe Zack's denial of being homosexual but chose not to dispute it. Instead, he said, "Hold on, Zack. One transgression is not going to send you to Hell. God is loving. And forgiving. You're not doomed for just one mistake."

"But my thoughts!" Isaac protested. "They're with me all the time! Isn't it sinful to have those thoughts?"

"No," Jason responded immediately, not sure whether it was true or not. To comfort his young friend he said, "The only thing that matters is what you DO. Tonight you made a mistake, a serious mistake because Jerry was asleep. But you can avoid that mistake in the future. And I have to think that you will."

Because Isaac trusted Jason and because he wanted to believe him, the remorse he felt began to dissipate. But fear lingered, fear that his family would find out. "I can't disappoint my family," he said. "I couldn't stand it if they were ashamed of me."

"First of all, Zack, there's no need for your family to know. I won't tell them and I'm sure Jerry won't. Secondly, remember the purpose of Rumspringa. It's a chance for you to experience things like electricity, cars, alcohol, and even sex so you can make an informed decision on whether to return home for baptism or live in the outside world. Everyone back home understands that and -- even if they found out what you did -- there would be no recriminations. But they won't find out. I'm sure of that."

"But I'm still a Sodomite!" Isaac declared forcefully.

"You may or may not be homosexual. That's something you'll have to decide for yourself. It may be a passing phase in your development. Or the attraction to men and the urges may persist. If they do, you still have the option of living what we call a straight life -- what you would call a righteous life -- by controlling your urges and not acting on them as you did tonight. I think the best thing for you to do right now is to pray for forgiveness and then get a good night's sleep."

Isaac rose from the table without having even tasted his tea. "Thanks, Jason. For helping me understand. For promising not to tell anyone. And for a million other things."

Meanwhile, Jeremiah tried to solve the mystery. The clues were clear: Jason's initial anger, Zack's uncontrolled sobbing, and most of all the fact that he had been naked with an erection. The explanation for what happened was not certain but was logical. His friend had removed his briefs and fondled his penis to erection; Jason caught him doing it and was understandably shocked. 'Could Zack be homosexual like me?' he wondered, unable to accept the obvious conclusion. 'He says he condemns homosexuality so why would he do that? Perhaps to conceal his real feelings?'

When the contrite young man returned and entered the bedroom Jeremiah asked, "What's going on?"

Without answering, Isaac knelt on his side of the bed and prayed silently for a long time. He then rose and climbed into bed facing away from Jeremiah.

Jeremiah asked again, "Come on, Zack, tell me what's going on."

There was no response. With his frustration rising, Jeremiah shook his friend's shoulder and asked, "Don't I get an answer?"

Isaac sat bolt upright and growled, "Don't touch me! I'm unclean!"

"Okay," the surprised Jeremiah said. "But I think I deserve an explanation. If I know what's the matter, maybe I can help. You might as well tell me because I'll keep asking and neither of us will get any sleep tonight."

Isaac was quiet for several minutes and finally decided that an apology was an important part of his repentance. "Okay, Jerry. You're going to hate me but here's what happened. You were asleep so I did what I wanted to do. I'm sorry. I took off your underwear. I fondled your penis and testicles. You got an erection. I lost all sense of honor and started to masturbate you. The more I did it, the better I felt. Then Jason walked in, shouted, and woke you up. The rest of the story you know ... except this: I've wanted to do it for a long time. I know it's wrong. It's a sin against God and nature but I couldn't help myself. I was possessed by Satan. There! Now you know! And I'm sure you think I'm a disgusting Sodomite."

Jeremiah's suspicions were confirmed. He had been molested in his sleep. That explained everything. But he felt a deep sympathy for Isaac, who was obviously ashamed and distraught. So he said something that he thought might make his friend feel better. "Zack, if you had done it when I was awake, I would have welcomed it. And I'd have done the same to you. Why? Because I've wanted to since the night we arrived here. You have no idea how much I've wanted to."

Isaac looked at Jeremiah for a long time, unable to believe what he had heard. The implications were overpoweringly dangerous and he blurted out, "BUT WE CAN'T! It's not right! If we do, it will condemn us to Hell."

Recognizing Isaac's emphatic refusal to engage in any physical contact, Jeremiah said, "We don't have to, Zack. Maybe it's enough to know that you're not alone, that both of us are attracted to other men. It's enough for me to know that I'm not the only one with those desires. We can still be friends -- maybe better friends -- with a shared secret. A secret that nobody else will ever know."

The two young men, after a long period of privately processing the new information, finally fell asleep.

<><><><><>

The next morning at breakfast, Jason asked Isaac, "Feeling better this morning?"

"Yes," he replied with a cheerfulness that surprised Jason. "Thanks to you ... and to Jerry ... I feel much better. And I've made a decision. I'm going home. As soon as possible. I'm going to be baptized. One day I will get married and raise a family. That -- and God's help -- will allow me to control the demon inside me."

Isaac's plan and his obvious conviction surprised Jason and Jeremiah because they doubted whether the "demon" would ever be fully controlled.

That evening after supper, Jason asked, "Zack, are you sure you want to go home sooner than expected? You're welcome to stay here, you know. I don't think you'll try anything like what you did last night. Sure, you may face temptation and have to suppress your feelings but, on the plus side, that will help build your strength to resist. Practice makes perfect, as they say."

"Thanks for the offer, Jason. But I'm not sure I deserve your confidence in me. I'll be better off at home."

"How will you explain coming home early?" Jason probed.

"Simple. I'll just say that I've seen enough of the wickedness among the `English' to be certain about the life I want to lead."

"You have every right to make your own decisions," Jason said. "I'll miss you. I've become very fond of you. But I recognize you deserve to be happy and I wish you all the best in the future."

"That goes double for me," Jeremiah said. "You've become a very good friend, my best friend. And I admire your courage to return to where you'll be happy."

"Thanks, guys," Isaac said. "You've both been wonderful to me and I appreciate it. How about you, Jerry? Will you be going home after Rumspringa?"

"I haven't decided yet," Jeremiah replied. "And I think you know the reason based on what we talked about last night."

Isaac was puzzled for a moment while he recalled the conversation but then said, "You mean...?" He left his question unfinished so as not to reveal to Jason the secret they had vowed to keep.

"Exactly!" Jeremiah replied.

The two young men looked at each other for a few moments, wanting to say more but unwilling to do so with Jason present. Jason tried to decode the enigmatic exchange. He hoped for some clue to the mystery from the boys' expressions but it was no help. With the judgment that comes with age, he decided not to inquire and intrude on their private communication.

Jason drove Isaac home on Saturday. Jeremiah then had the bedroom and the bed all to himself. But it did little to help him sleep. His fantasies of Isaac while masturbating -- and what might have been -- were bitter-sweet. He was also left with the inevitable but dreaded decision: should he, like Isaac, return to the familiar, loving home or did he dare to live the life he craved?

Chapter 5

Three months after Isaac prematurely ended his Rumspringa and returned home, Jason and Jeremiah were talking over iced tea on the patio. Jason mused, "I wonder how Zack is doing. Or should I say Isaac now that he's returned to his Amish roots?"

"I wonder, too," Jeremiah replied. "I'm surprised we haven't heard from him. I hope he's happier than when he left here."

Jason thought a moment before saying, "He may never be completely happy. If he's homosexual -- and I think he is -- it will haunt him, especially when he has sex with whomever he marries ... or sees a particularly handsome man."

"I think you're right," Jeremiah said. "It's torment to need something -- or should I say somebody -- and knowing that it will never be."

Jason, who was normally very perceptive of others' feelings and meanings, failed to grasp what lay behind Jeremiah's words: an empathy born of identical needs for male companionship. Both sat quietly for a while, each recalling the fateful night when Isaac recklessly let his secret desires be known. The younger man broke the silence. "That must have been an awful night for him. I mean to be caught in a homosexual act and trying to explain it away to us."

"Yes. He was thoroughly distraught. I can't imagine the pain he suffered."

"But when you and he talked in the kitchen," Jeremiah said, "you seemed to have calmed him down and made him feel better."

"I'm not so sure I was much help," Jason wondered. "Perhaps it was because he just needed a little time to face reality and gain control of his emotions. Or perhaps it was just that I was nonjudgmental."

"So you didn't criticize him for what he did?'

"Heavens no! That would have only made him feel worse. Besides, I try very hard to be tolerant of people who don't share my opinions ... as long as they do no harm to me or anyone else."

"That's admirable," Jeremiah said. "I wish more people were like that."

"Anyway," Jason continued, ignoring the compliment. "I'm speculating now but it might have been whatever you said to him when he returned to bed."

Jeremiah replayed the essence of his conversation with Isaac in his mind. "I just tried to make him feel better about himself," he said.

"It must have worked. He was composed and almost cheerful the next morning. I hesitate to ask and you don't have to tell me but what did you say that made him feel better?"

Jeremiah was reluctant to answer the question and paused while trying to decide what to say. Because he regarded Jason as a trusted friend, he said, "Well ... Zack apologized to me for molesting me while I was asleep. I told him no apology was necessary." He paused again, gathering courage to disclose the secret that he had so rigorously guarded. "And then I told him that if I had been awake, I would have welcomed what he did and would have done the same for him. I wanted him to know that he wasn't alone and that I understood why he did it. I hoped it would make him feel better if only a little bit."

Jason was astonished at the implications of what he heard. Without prior censoring of the question that arose in his mind, he asked, "Does that mean...? Are you...? I mean did you really mean what you said to him?"

Jeremiah dropped his head and said quietly, "Yes. I'm homosexual, too. I suppose you think less of me now that you know I'm gay."

"Not at all!" Jason quickly replied. "Although I admit that I'm surprised. I never suspected that you were gay. First, you concealed it extremely well. Secondly, what are the statistical odds that both you and Zack would be gay? Astronomical! Are you absolutely sure?"

"Yes. No doubt about it. I went through the guilt and shame. And still do! I prayed for God to cure me. That didn't work. Then I prayed for strength to control my attraction to men. That seems to have helped a little. But sharing a bed with Zack was torture. The urges came back stronger than ever. But I knew I could never try anything with him because he always criticized homosexuals."

"So what are you going to do at the end of Rumspringa?" Jason asked.

"I don't know. What do you think I should do?"

"Well," Jason began. "It seems you have three options. One, you can do what Zack did: return home, be baptized, get married, and raise a family. You might learn to love your wife. You're sure to take great delight in your children. And pride as they grow up to adulthood. But, like Zack, you might feel imprisoned without the freedom to seek what you really want in a loving companion. The second option is to remain in the `English' world and search for a man to share your life with. You'd enjoy all the modern conveniences of life outside the Amish community while you're seeking a partner. If and when you do find someone, you might be blissfully happy with him. But there's a downside. You'll face ridicule and persecution from narrow-mined bigots. And there are plenty of them in churches, synagogues, and mosques. Even from politicians who pander to bigoted voters. Finally, the third option is not to go home but continue to lead a straight life and never have the joy of a loving partnership. You'd be separated from your family and you may not want that. It's a tough choice but it's entirely your choice to make."

"What would you choose?" Jeremiah asked, hoping for a little help with his dilemma.

"I can't say, Jerry, because I don't have the feelings you do and can't fully understand them. Moreover, I WON'T say because you have to make the decision that you think is best for you. You have some time to think it through. Your Rumspringa isn't over for another few months."

Exasperated, Jeremiah moaned, "Why can't life be simple?"

"Because, Jerry, God has given you free will. You have the right to make decisions -- even though some of them are difficult and some of them wrong -- and live with the consequences. But, for what it's worth, I have every confidence that you'll make the right decision. You're wise enough to evaluate life back home and life outside the community. You're also wise enough to assess the potential advantages and disadvantages of your decision. Almost every decision we make has costs and benefits. Only you can decide how much they mean to you and to your success and happiness."

<><><><><>

Jeremiah's Rumspringa was drawing to a close. He was expected back home within a few weeks. He approached Jason one evening and said, "Can we talk?"

"Of course, Jerry. What's on your mind?"

"It's what we talked about a few weeks ago. Should I go home or not? I'm still trying to decide. You haven't talked about what it was like for you. I thought that since you're ex-Amish, the problems you experienced might give me information to help me decide."

"Okay. But remember that our situations are very different. I left primarily for religious reasons. I wanted to worship in a way that I felt was more appropriate. I investigated any number of churches but didn't find what I was looking for. Most of them were as dogmatic in their own way as the Amish. I prayed a lot and studied the Bible. I came to the conclusion that most organized religions are useful but can be extreme in their insistence that their interpretation of Scripture is the only true religion. Consequently, I'm a devout Christian but not affiliated with any denomination. I don't think that's what you want to hear, is it?"

"Yes, but more. For example, what was it like to be separated from your family?"

"That's complicated. I missed them a lot. I went back to visit a few times but didn't feel welcome. I was treated like the black sheep of the family. On my last visit, my father said, "Don't come back again unless you plan to stay and be baptized."

"That must have hurt."

Yes. But time heals all wounds. I sometimes wonder how my family is doing but, at the same time, I cherish the memories of being with them when I was a youngster."

"Any other problems?" Jeremiah asked.

"Sure. I didn't have a birth certificate so it was a hassle trying to get a driver's license and social security card. That's something you'll have to consider. In fact, I'm surprised you found a job without proving you're a legal resident and old enough to work. Back when I left, that wasn't such a problem. Education was another hurdle. Like you, I had only an eighth grade education. I had to take classes to earn a GED so I could enroll in college. Unless you plan on doing manual labor all your life, you should consider getting more education."

"Did you have someone to help you adjust like you've helped Zack and me?"

"No. And that's why I agreed to help you two. I never said anything but I'm surprised that your father asked me to do it -- my being an apostate and all. But I reasoned that they were more concerned about your happiness and safety than they were about my corrupting you."

"A final question if you don't mind. How did you meet your wife?"

Jason laughed. "There's where we really differ. I can't give you any help on meeting `Mr. Right.' The short version is that we met in college, dated, and got married right after graduation. Perhaps you'll do something similar. You may meet the right guy in school. But I'll repeat the advice I gave you the first night you were here. Don't go cruising in that gay bar I showed you. Many of the patrons, from what I hear, are only looking for quickie sex and not a loving, lasting relationship. And, of course, there's the risk of venereal disease whenever you hook up with a stranger."

"Thanks, Jason. You've been a big help. I still feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff. I don't want to fall over it by making the wrong decision."

<><><><><>

With only a few days remaining before Jeremiah would have to choose between life in the Amish community or abandoning his heritage for the pleasures (and pains) of life in the outside world, he said to Jason, "I've made up my mind. I'm not sure it's the right decision. It's like I came to a fork in the road and have to go one direction or the other. The real problem is that I'll never know what was at the end of the path I didn't take. I'm going home. A big reason is that I can change my mind later and leave for good. If I do, maybe I'll go to Columbia, Missouri. According to the Internet, there's a group of ex-Amish there so I'll have friends to help me get started in a new life."

"Okay, if that's what you really want to do," Jason said.

Jeremiah detected either disappointment or disapproval in Jason's tone and expression and said, "I want to stay. I want to find a partner. But I know the chances of that are slim. So if I have to cope with my frustrations, I might as well do it while living with my family.

The conversation was interrupted by the ringing of the door bell. Jason opened the front door and was stunned by what he saw.

Chapter 6

Jason didn't know what to say. Standing before him at the front door of his house was a very serious looking police officer who was gripping the arm of a frightened looking Isaac as though the young man were a flight risk.

"You know this young man?" the officer asked officiously.

"Yes," Jason replied, not wanting to say more until he found out why Isaac appeared to be in custody of the police. "Is there a problem?"

"He has no ID and no money. Most unusual. Can you verify his name?"

"Isaac Yoder."

"Okay, that checks out," the officer said. "He claims that he lives here. Is that correct?"

Not daring to chance contradicting what Isaac may have said, Jason carefully worded his answer. "Yes. He's staying here during his Rumspringa." It was partially true but not the whole truth. He didn't mention that Isaac had returned home some time ago.

"That's what he told me," the officer grunted. "But why was he out in the country headed this way?"

Jason had no quick answer for that but Isaac solved the awkward problem by blurting out, "I told you, sir. I was visiting my parents in Millersburg and was on my way back here."

The officer scowled and growled at the young man, "What'd I tell you in the cruiser? Keep your mouth shut until I say it's okay to speak!"

Jason, picking up on the story line, said, "I thought he'd have a ride back. I didn't know he would be hitch-hiking. I'll have a few words with him about that."

The officer softened his attitude and said, "Remember what I told you, son. Hitch-hiking can be dangerous. Too many drivers will pick you up and rob you ... or worse ... MUCH worse. A young lad like you is tempting to sick predators that would ... well, I'd better not say." Returning his attention to Jason, he continued, "I guess everything's okay. I'll be on my way."

Jason ushered Isaac into the foyer and was greeted with a tight hug and an effusive comment. "Thanks for not telling the officer that I left here months ago. I think he was looking for an excuse to accuse me of vagrancy or something."

"I'm glad to see you, Zack. More than a little surprised but glad. Come on in. I'm sure Jerry will be happy to see you again."

When Jeremiah saw Isaac enter the living room, his first impulse was to jump up, run over to his friend, and hug him. But he dismissed the idea. It might be too "gay" for him. After all, he had left with a firm determination to expunge his attraction to men through prayer and self- control. But a friendly handshake would be appropriate. He stood and extended a hand while shouting, "Hey, Zack! What are you doing here?"

Isaac had no such inhibitions. He grabbed Jeremiah's hand, pulled him close, and gave him a hug. "I didn't realize how much I would miss you, Jerry ... how much you meant to me. I had to see you again and tell you that."

"How long can you stay?"

"Forever! I've left the Amish community for good. When I came home early, my parents criticized me for not spending the expected amount of time in Rumspringa. There was no Welcome home, son.' There was no We missed you.' The criticism was almost constant. I think I could tolerate that if they had just said they loved me. But they made me feel like I had upset their lives and shamed them in the congregation."

"But," Jeremiah interrupted, "surely they would get over it."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Would you believe the Bishop even threatened to deny me baptism? There's a bigger reason I came back. I didn't recognize it before -- because I was too stubborn to admit the truth to myself -- but ... well ... there's no other way to put this. I've had time to do a lot of thinking. For the first time in my life I was brutally honest with myself and concluded that I'm homosexual. It took a lot of soul- searching and it wasn't pleasant but I decided it's not Satan that made me this way. What finally changed my mind was to realize that God is a loving God, he loves all his children - black, brown, or white; Christian, Jewish, or Muslim; straight, gay, or bisexual."

Jeremiah's mind was reeling over the contrast between the Isaac that went home to be baptized and fight his homosexual urges, and the Isaac that was now clinging to him and unashamedly admitting his sexual desires. "You really mean that, don't you, Zack?"

"There's more. I want to spend my life with you."

"Does that mean what I think it means?" Jeremiah asked, still hoping that his best friend had actually come to terms with his homosexuality.

"I don't know what you think I mean, Jerry, so let me say it more clearly. I want to live with you FOREVER! I want to love you -- in every way possible. That is, if you're willing to put up with me."

"Willing? Of course I will! I'll be delighted!"

Enveloped in a love that had been developing but was never fully recognized, they hugged each other forcefully. Neither of the young men gave any thought to Jason who was looking on. They kissed each other passionately on the lips for a lingering moment while Jason stood by in amazement and amusement. Jeremiah was the first to remember that Jason was present and broke the kiss. "Sorry!" he said, looking at Jason as his cheeks reddened in embarrassment. "I hope we didn't offend you."

"Quite the contrary," Jason said with a broad grin. "I'm delighted that you two found each other. And I wish you nothing but happiness. This calls for a celebration. I've got a bottle of Champaign. Let's drink to the beginning of a wonderful friendship."

The two young men looked at each other briefly. Isaac voiced what was on both their minds. "If it's all the same to you, Jason, I'd rather have tea. I don't handle alcohol very well. And, if you don't mind, maybe a bite to eat. I haven't eaten all day."

"You're in luck," Jason laughed. "There's some leftover lasagna in the refrigerator. It'll only take a couple of minutes to heat it up in the microwave."

Although questions were swirling in their minds, neither Jason nor Jeremiah wanted to interrupt Isaac's ravenous eating. But when the second helping of lasagna was finished and the sated young man declined desert of pie and ice cream, Jason asked, "Did you tell your parents you were leaving? I wouldn't want them to worry about your safety."

"They know by now," Isaac replied somewhat sadly. "I couldn't decide whether to explain my leaving in person or just leave a note. I took the easy way; I left a note. I got up well before dawn and left the note on the kitchen table. I told them not to worry about me 'cause I'd be okay. I signed it, `Love, Isaac' and snuck out."

"Did you tell them where you were going?" Jason asked.

"That was the hardest part of writing the note but I decided they wouldn't try to come after me so I said I was coming back here. I hope that's all right."

"It's no problem," Jason replied. "Based on what I know about those who don't return after Rumspringa and on what you've said about your treatment when you arrived home, I don't think they'll try to convince you to return."

Jeremiah's question was more personal and he worked up the courage to ask, "Did you tell them about being .... you know." (Somehow, he was still reluctant to talk openly about being gay with Jason present.) "Did you tell them about us?"

"Heavens no!" Isaac exclaimed. "That would only hurt them. I wouldn't do that! Besides, to say anything about why I wanted to be with you might lead to your family finding out. Two families would be hurt."

After more conversation about life back in the Amish community, the difficulties of hitch-hiking, and more, Isaac said, "It's late. I'm tired. Would you mind if I went to bed?"

"Not at all," came a duet. Jason meant nothing more than understanding the returning boy's fatigue, but Jeremiah's thoughts were on sharing -- a bedroom, a bed, and naked bodies without inhibition.

Jeremiah offered to clean up the table and wash the dishes but Jason said, "Thanks, Jerry, but I'll take care of it. I think you and Zack need some private time. To talk!" And then added with a wink, "About whatever comes up."

It took a few moments for Jeremiah to recognize the meaning of what he heard but then chuckled and blushed. "God bless you!" he said. "For not hating us. For understanding. And for being so kind."

By the time Jeremiah got upstairs, he heard the shower running. He stripped off all his clothes and got into bed, anticipating what was bound to happen. Isaac finished his shower and walked to the bedroom with a towel around his waist. Upon seeing his friend in bed, he asked, "Are you tired, too?"

"Not really. I just wanted to be with my best friend for a proper welcome home." He pulled back the blanket and sheet, exposing his naked body, and said, "Close the door and come to me, Zack. I think we both have some exploring to do."

Isaac broke out in a broad grin, loosened the towel, and let it fall to the floor, exposing his naked body for Jeremiah to survey. The sight, brief as it was, of Jeremiah's nude body had an immediate effect. His penis slowly rose to an upright position to salute the magnificent form that lay waiting for him. Jeremiah also felt his own penis engorging. One might expect a little tentativeness as the two horny young men began their first intimate ritual of lovemaking but it was eagerness, lust, and their discarding of inhibitions that drove their behavior. They kissed long and passionately, pressing their bodies together tightly with the feel of the other's warm skin acting as a jolt of aphrodisiac that propelled them to unfamiliar heights of sensual pleasure. Soon, they were grinding their erections against one another and they were completely overwhelmed by the carnal sensations.

Isaac, the only one with any experience, however minimal it had been when he fondled Jeremiah in his sleep, broke the kissing and slid down to get a sight and feel of his friend's 'staff of life.' He gently fondled and massaged it, this time without guilt or shame or fear of revealing a dark secret. His efforts were rewarded with sighs and moans of delight from Jeremiah who now experienced what he had only desperately hoped for in his fantasies. So intense were the sensations that he screamed and ejaculated, shooting his hot, creamy semen all the way to his eyebrow and leaving a rivulet of thick, white liquid from his face to his navel. It took longer for him to recover than when he masturbated but it was a gentle, thoroughly delightful descent from the peak of erotic delight. In an unusual sense, the best was still ahead of him.

He eagerly accepted Isaac's tender kiss and tried to thank his friend. But 'thanks' was so inadequate to fully express his gratitude or to accurately represent his joy. His best hope of showing his appreciation -- and his love -- would be to practice a new application of the golden rule: 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' He slid down and for an exhilarating few minutes admired and fondled his friend's -- and his welcomed bedmate's -- genital treasures. He found it electrifying to have access to the private parts of the young man he had grown to admire, unencumbered by any thoughts of sin, evil, shame, or guilt. He barely noticed his own penis re-inflating because his attention was almost exclusively focused on what he was doing to Isaac. Only a few strokes of Isaac's throbbing member caused it to erupt with several volleys of pearly cream, accompanied by loud moans of pure delight from its owner. Their mutual masturbation was much more than physical gratification; it was an expression of love that, until now, dared not speak its name, a love that went farther, further, deeper, and more beautiful than familial love of parents and children.

Jason, having finished up in the kitchen, was downstairs in the living room reading. He fully expected that his two young mentees would consummate their bond and was genuinely happy for them. When he heard the loud screams and moans, he chuckled. He didn't understand how a man could be sexually attracted to another man but he recognized that it happened. And ought not to be criticized, condemned, or prohibited. That was one small part of his reasoning when he rejected the organized religions he had studied and become instead a devout nondenominational Christian. In fact, he allowed himself to think that God was smiling at the emergence of an unselfish love bond between two of His children.

While cuddling blissfully with arms and legs intertwined, Isaac and Jeremiah professed their love and enduring devotion to each other. They had experienced the powerful pleasure of sexual intimacy but that pleasure would be magnified as they discovered other ways to give and receive sensual pleasure and love. Both teens (Isaac in particular) began to see the dawning light of lovers and partners. They could see it and feel it in the explosion of every cell of their bodies, their brains, and their hearts. Neither ever imagined that the so-called "sin" could be so rewarding and so beautiful.

Chapter 7

Before Isaac returned, Jeremiah had been appointed shift supervisor at the fast food restaurant. It meant an increase in pay and regular hours: six in the morning until two in the afternoon. Tired of depending on public transportation, he studied for the written exam to obtain a "learner's permit" so Jason could teach him how to drive. The only challenge was obtaining a birth certificate that the DMV required as proof of age but, Jason's experience with the same difficulty years before meant it was not a great obstacle. He studied the manual attentively and easily passed the exam. Thanks to his increased paycheck and Jason's generosity in providing lodging, he was able to save money to buy a decent used car as soon as he had a driver's license. He hadn't planned on keeping the car for long because he had decided to return home to the Amish community after his Rumspringa.

Isaac's unexpected return and their bonding as a couple changed his mind about going home. He would make his home wherever he and Isaac chose to live. Jason repeatedly urged them to stay with him, pointing out that they were welcome company and had brought happiness to his previously lonely life. They discussed it frequently until Jason finally acknowledged that they had a right to chart their own destiny and it included a home they could call their own. Still, he dreaded the day when the energetic young men would leave.

Jeremiah and Isaac rapidly became comfortable expressing their affection as the burden of thinking of themselves as deviants or sinners faded. Initially, their intimacy was limited to snuggling and mutual masturbation. They had only dim ideas about what more there might be to sexual pleasure. That changed one momentous night as they lay in bed. Jeremiah said, "Zack, I found an interesting site on the Internet. It has stories of gay couples and what they do to - or should I say 'for' - each other. Would you like to experiment?"

"Depends," Isaac replied hesitantly. "Tell me more."

Jeremiah proceeded to describe arousal techniques and a rather clinical explanation of anal and oral sex. "You mean they actually ejaculate into each other's mouths?" Isaac exclaimed.

"They do! From what I read, the sensation of someone's mouth around your penis instead of a hand must be totally awesome. They used different names. They call a penis a cock or prick or dick. Ejaculation is called cumming."

"Sounds awfully weird to me," Isaac said with a scowl. "Doesn't it to you? I mean putting somebody's penis into your mouth."

"It sounded weird to me, too, Zack. But after I thought about it, it sounded like it might be better, much better, than getting jacked off."

"Getting WHAT?"

"They call masturbation 'jacking off' or 'jerking off.' I didn't get the sense that it's profanity; it's just a common term. What do you think? Should we try it?"

"I don't know," Isaac mused. "It still seems creepy."

"How about I go first? I'll suck your cock. You won't have to put mine in your mouth unless you want to. But you can see how it feels. And then you can tell me if it's better than using our hands."

Isaac was not convinced but agreed to let Jeremiah suck his cock. It didn't take long for Isaac to be overtaken by new and wonderful sensations. He could hardly contain his euphoria as his fiend's warm, moist lips surrounding his throbbing erection. He could do no more than moan and squeal with pure erotic pleasure, which pleased Jeremiah enormously. Soon, not fully aware of what he was doing, Isaac began to buck his hips and was fucking Jeremiah's mouth. That stopped abruptly when the sensations peaked. He screamed, "PRAISE THE LORD!" and shot several volleys of hot cream before he could voice any warning. Jeremiah had been looking forward to giving his buddy the ultimate gratification and receiving his seed.

Isaac was slow to recover from the most intense orgasm of his young life. Jeremiah waited, extraordinarily pleased with his buddy's reaction while he savored the taste of love juice lingering in his mouth.

"Well," Jeremiah grinned, "How was it?"

"FANTASTIC!" Isaac exclaimed. "I never dreamed it would be so wonderful. Thanks, Jerry."

"It wasn't weird?" Jeremiah taunted.

"Heavens no! Wait 'till you feel it. Then you'll know what I mean."

"Does that mean you'll suck my dick, too?"

"Yes. Mostly because I want you to see how magnificent it is."

The two young lovers would refine their techniques with ample practice and by giving attention to what seemed most arousing and pleasing to the other. They would also discover other methods both of arousing and for showing their deepening love in much the same way. With information gleaned from Internet stories, they experimented with all sorts of sexual interactions. Some were rejected without trying them. (They agreed that S&M, for example, was a poor way to show regard and affection.). Others were tried but abandoned because neither found them completely satisfying. (Anal penetration, for example, was painful and disgustingly messy; they had no knowledge of proper preparation.). Oral sex would remain their favorite method of giving and receiving sexual pleasure and affection - either one at a time or in the classical 69 position.

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The following three weeks were idyllic; everything seemed to be falling into place. Isaac secured a birth certificate, social security card, a 'learner's permit' that allowed him to learn to drive, and to secure employment. Through an acquaintance of Jason's, he found a job as a helper for a crew that built homes in a new subdivision. The foreman of the crew, an ex-Amish who lived nearby, agreed to pick him up in the morning and drive him home at the end of an eight to ten hour shift of work.

Jeremiah passed his driving examination, got a permanent driver's license, and immediately bought a ten-year-old Honda Civic. That gave the two young men the freedom to go places in the evening and on weekends. They were living as 'partners' although they had not discussed their friendship in those terms. Until....

After their typical bedtime routine one night (shower, prayers, prolonged foreplay, active sex, and blissfully snuggling together), Jeremiah asked, "Zack, do you love me?"

"Of course! You ought to know that!"

"If I were a girl, would you marry me?"

Isaac was confused. "I love you, Jerry, but I don't think I could if you were a girl. After all, we both know that I'm gay - we're gay. What's your point?"

"Simple," Jeremiah replied. "It's not legal for two men to get married in Ohio but suppose it were. Would you marry me?"

"In a heartbeat!"

"To love, honor, and cherish?"

"Of course!"

"'Till death do us part?"

"YES! Are you proposing to me?"

"I am indeed. We can't get legally married but we can commit to each other as life partners. We would consider each other as a spouse and remain faithful to each other. Are you as willing to do that as I am?"

"Yes. In fact, it's what I've hoped for and dreamed about. It's the biggest reason I came back to you instead of staying at home on the farm. I'm yours and yours alone, Jerry. And I'm happy and proud to say so!"

They affirmed their commitment to each other with an adoring kiss. Both Jeremiah and Isaac recognized there would be much more to talk about: whether to keep their new relationship secret or not, moving into a home of their own, staying in the Akron area or relocating, and much more. But now was not the time to confront those questions. Each of them wanted nothing more than to savor finding a partner to love, to share in both joys and sadness, to support and be supported by, and, of course, to enjoy the glorious pleasures of intimacy.

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Jeremiah drove to Millersburg after Rumspringa to tell his parents of his decision not to return for baptism. He had given a lot of thought to what he might say. He wanted to thank them for being good, loving parents. He planned to say that he would remain as a God-fearing Christian but would do so in the outside world. He would explain that his younger brother could inherit the farm and carry on the family tradition. He intended to promise to visit periodically. He hoped to see his younger brother and encourage him to work hard and appreciate his family and community.

Upon reaching Millersburg, he felt a bit of nostalgia for the times when he accompanied his parents on a shopping trip. As he drove out into the country toward his parents' farm, he admired the corn fields. It would be a good crop this year. He saw cows grazing in pastures and recalled when his father taught him how to milk a cow. There were huge barns that he knew were constructed without machinery and admired the craftsmanship and hard labor that were necessary to build them. He also admired the unselfishness of neighbors from miles around who gathered for a barn-raising with no expectation of pay beyond a delicious lunch. And the food in an Amish community was always appetizing - unlike what was available in Akron. He passed a horse drawn buggy and marveled at the horse's ease, grace, and power - a symphony in motion whether pulling a buggy, a wagon, or a plow. By the time he reached his parents' farm, the fond memories of living in an Amish community were like a magnet pulling him back into the fold.

When he drove up to the immaculate farmhouse he was nervous because he couldn't be sure how his parents would react to the news. His father met him as he parked the car. "Well," the man said as he eyed the car. "It looks like you've succumbed to the ways of the 'English.' I never expected you'd do that."

Ignoring the gentle reproach, Jeremiah said, "Hello, Father. It's good to see you again

"Is it, now?" the man said with uncharacteristic sarcasm. "Might as well come in the house," the man said brusquely, "and break the news to your mother."

'How can he know what I'm here to say?' Jeremiah wondered. But even if he had the courage to ask the question aloud, there was no chance because his father was striding toward the house. The mystery lingered in Jeremiah's mind as he meekly followed his father into the house.

Jeremiah's mother was preparing the noontime meal in the kitchen. She saw her son first and smiled broadly but then saw the expression on her husband's face, correctly interpreting its significance. Her smile vanished, to be replaced by a look of suffering. "The boy's not coming home," the man said curtly and immediately walked out of the house.

"I came to say I love you," Jeremiah said, hoping to ease his mother's obvious pain. She said nothing. She walked out of the kitchen but not quickly enough to hide her tears. Jeremiah was left alone, feeling as abandoned as his parents must have felt at the "loss" of their eldest son. He, too, cried. He struggled to gain control of his emotions. He never got a chance to explain how much he appreciated what his family and the entire community meant to him as he grew up. Nor could he assure them that his faith in God was still strong. He could neither find out how they were getting along nor promise to stay in touch with them. All he could do was look around at the familiar surroundings and recall the happy days of his youth.

Would this be the last time he saw the familiar kitchen with all the memories of good food and family camaraderie? Would this meeting - which was upsetting for everyone - be the last time he saw his parents? Had he made the right decision? Could he bear to change his mind and desert the one he loved?

to be continued

Author's Note:Iatia's contributions to this story were valuable and are appreciated.