Rumspringa

RUMSPRINGA

PART ONE

Chapter 1

The Amish are an admirable people. One must not think of them as strange anachronisms that wear odd clothes and are trying to live in the twenty-first century as though it were the eighteenth century. They are industrious and often entrepreneurial. They are devout but do not force their beliefs on others. They are compassionate in helping others in need both inside and outside of their community. They have strong family values that give every member a sense of belonging and being loved. They are never prideful or arrogant nor do they lust after the ostentations of material wealth.

One of their practices that is particularly admirable is Rumspringa in which young adults (usually 16 to 18 years old) are allowed to leave the strict routine of family and community to live among the "English" (the term they use to refer to non-Amish). During this period, they are exempt from Ordnung (rules of the church) and can therefore experience life outside the community including the use of electricity, wearing non-traditional clothing, driving vehicles other than a horse-drawn buggy, not having to attend home prayer, drinking alcohol or even trying drugs, and engaging in premarital sex. Typically, they do not commit the serious offenses more common in the "English" community.

Why is Rumspringa such a good idea? The rationale is that the individual, having reached, or at least is on the brink of, full maturity, has the freedom to decide how to live the rest of his or her life -- either in or outside of the demands of Ordnung. Every member of the Amish community has the chance to make a conscious and informed decision about his or her future. In practice, a vast majority choose to return to the Amish community to be baptized, become an adherent of the faith, eventually marry (always within the faith), raise a family, and carry on centuries-old traditions. Those who choose not to return are not condemned, although parents may be saddened by their progeny's choice.

In principle and practice, therefore, Rumspringa is effective. But not always. Such was the case of Jeremiah who, at the age of thirteen, began to sense that something about himself was different. And possibly wrong. As an expected consequence of puberty, he developed a compelling curiosity about his and others' bodies ... specifically the area between navel and knees ... and about sex and procreation. He knew, of course, how livestock and wildlife mated but could only speculate about how humans engaged in intercourse.

Most troublesome was that by fourteen his interest was focused almost exclusively on his own and others' penises. He tried -- unsuccessfully -- to explain it away as normal curiosity. But why did it consume his thoughts? Especially when he saw Isaac, a boy his age from a neighboring farm and who seemed to be the embodiment of masculinity. Why did he not experience similar feelings when he saw girls and young women? Wouldn't that be the natural reaction to a shapely female form?

When he was fifteen, he accidentally discovered the sensual pleasure of masturbation one night as his hormones compelled his hand to fondle and stroke his penis that had grown from a little boy's stub to a sizable appendage between his legs. It felt good! He had done it often, usually just before going to sleep but increasingly when he was alone in the barn or the fields. He wondered if Isaac did the same and concluded that surely he must. As he continued to stroke his rigid penis, the image of Isaac dominated his thinking. The sensations emanating from his crotch intensified as he saw in his mind's eye his friend pulling down his pants and underwear and stroking his stiff penis. The image magnified the pleasure he felt and he unconsciously pumped his erection faster. He was paying more attention to his fantasy than to himself when suddenly a totally new sensation burst into his consciousness. His penis became tender, tensed, and spewed several volleys of hot, white cream that formed a rivulet from his left nipple to his navel. His heart beat faster; his breath became short, shallow, and rapid; and several simultaneous bolts of lightening radiated from his pelvic area throughout his body.

He lay motionless for a long time contemplating what had just happened. He knew all about sperm and semen as it applied to livestock so he also knew what had been ejected from his penis. He didn't know, however, how wonderful it felt! Eventually, his thoughts turned to whether it was right or wrong to stimulate one's self to the point of ejaculation. Whether by logic or rationalization he arrived at a conclusion. No one had told him not to do it although there were countless other things he had learned from his parents about what to do and what not to do in order to be a good, God- fearing person. Moreover, it felt good. How could something that feels so good be bad? Would God have given man such a means of pleasure if it was somehow evil? (He conveniently ignored or was ignorant of the many addictive vices prevalent in the outside world that God would condemn or punish.)

Ultimately, he realized that there was a mess on his chest and abdomen. What could be done about that? He could wipe it off with his handkerchief but his mother would notice when she did the laundry. Although he had convinced himself it wasn't wrong, a large part of him wanted to keep it a secret, especially from his mother. What to do? How to dispose of it? It came from his body, he reasoned. He would return it to his body. There could be no harm in that! He scooped up two fingers full and transferred the creamy liquid to his mouth. It tasted AWFUL! Not like his mother's vanilla pudding or creamy gravy. By the time he had cleaned up the last little bit the taste was more tolerable. He didn't know it at the time but he would quickly learn to enjoy the taste and consider it an appropriate finale to the whole ritual of self- stimulation.

Masturbation became a frequent and important part of young Jeremiah's life. He had no inkling that the accompanying mental image of Isaac foreshadowed a crisis in his life that lay ahead.

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Two years later his father took the young teen aside and said, "I think it's time for your Rumspringa. You know what that is and how important it will be to your future -- either here or in the outside world."

"But don't you need me here to help with the farm?" Jeremiah asked. "How can you get the fields ready for planting? Shouldn't we postpone my Rumspringa?"

"No," his father replied without hesitation. "It's time. Your little brother is as old as you were when you began to help."

Jeremiah knew better than to disagree with his father. In fact, it had been risky to challenge him with the questions he asked. "If you say so, sir," he obediently replied.

"I've spoken to Isaiah. He suggested that you and his son, Isaac, leave together. It's a good idea. You and he will both be better able to cope with English ways if you have each other to lean on. At least for a while."

"Yes, sir," Jeremiah said, agreeing with his father's decision entirely because it was habitual to do so. But inwardly, he had serious reservations. It was one thing to fantasize about the neighbor boy but constantly being with him might easily be something he could not handle. Could he conceal his attraction? If not, what would be the consequences?

"Isaiah has a distant cousin who lives just north of Akron," his father continued. "He's agreed to come to Millersburg next Saturday and take you to his house. He has a spare bedroom you two can use until you find jobs and another place to stay."

"Next Saturday?" Jeremiah exclaimed without thinking. "Isn't that a little soon?"

"It's all arranged," his father said with a finality that precluded dissent. "You have four days to get together the things you'll need to take with you."

Saturday brought heavily overcast skies that further depressed Jeremiah's mood. He was leaving the comfort and security of the only home and environment he had known for seventeen years. To face what? That question caused more than a little apprehension. He hid his reluctance at leaving because he knew that it was something he was expected to do. He had known that for a long time but the reality of departing weighed heavily on his mind.

Jeremiah felt strangely uncomfortable as he put on chino trousers and a plaid shirt that were more appropriate for the unknown territory he would be going to. He looked longingly at the work boots that were his customary footwear even for Sunday services but slipped on socks and "street shoes" that made him feel even stranger.

The farewells with his family were brief. His father said little. His mother tried unsuccessfully to hide her tears as she hugged her son and said, "May God look after you and bring you home." The meaning was clear. It was a plea to resist the temptations of the world and choose to return for baptism, marriage, and full integration into the Community of the Faithful.

Soon after Isaac arrived, having walked the half-mile from his home, the two boys and Jeremiah's father climbed into the buggy for the ride into Millersburg where they were to meet Jason Sanders who would whisk them off to the alien world of Akron, Ohio. The two boys spoke guardedly about the adventure that awaited them, not wanting to reveal their deep-seated excitement about experiencing the wonders of modern technology and lifestyles. Jeremiah, with considerable effort, managed to conceal his admiration of -- and attraction to -- Isaac.

As arranged, Jason Sanders was waiting in his SUV at the edge of the parking lot of a large barn/gift shop on the outskirts of Millersburg. Following only short introductions and farewells, the two boys transferred their luggage to the SUV and settled into the back seat. It was the first time for both of them to be in any motorized vehicle and, when they reached highway 241 that headed northeast toward Akron, they were somewhat uneasy with the speed of travel. Neither, of course, would admit that and they soon became accustomed to the pace.

Conversation on the trip was lively with Jason taking the lead, asking questions and offering information about life in "the big city." The boys were content to respond briefly to questions but hesitant to ask any of their own. Better not to reveal their ignorance of "English" ways even though Jason would most certainly have understood.

Upon arriving at a two-story brick house on a half-acre lot in a new housing plat on the outskirts of Akron, Jason said, "Here we are -- your home away from home for a while." He escorted the boys upstairs to the spare bedroom and said, "Here's your room. Get settled in while I fix lunch. I'll call you when it's ready."

Jeremiah's first impression of the spare bedroom was the double bed. "Lordy!" he thought. "I'll be sleeping in the same bed as Isaac! It's one thing to imagine him when I masturbate but quite another to be actually lying next to him." His future bedmate, however, had no such thought; he had been sharing a bed with his brother for years.

After unpacking their things the two boys went downstairs to the kitchen where Jason was preparing lunch. They marveled at the electric appliances he used and how much more quickly and easily he had lunch on the table. Jason (who had long ago chosen to leave the Amish community after Rumspringa) was a non-denominational Christian and offered a simple but heartfelt blessing: "Father, we thank you for this meal. May it be used for the nourishment of our bodies. In Jesus name, Amen." As they ate, they continued their conversation -- this time mostly about the public transportation that would take them anywhere in the city they wanted to go and about places to look for work. Significantly, Jason said, "Isaac, I told your father that you could stay here until you found other accommodations but I've changed my mind. You're welcome to stay as long as you like. My kids are all grown and moved out. And since my wife died last year I've found that rattling around this big house by myself can get very lonely. Having you two here will be welcome company."

The invitation solved a major problem that the boys had worried about and they gratefully accepted the offer. After prolonged negotiation, Jason agreed to accept a nominal weekly rent that he knew would hardly cover the food that two healthy teens would consume.

The afternoon and early evening was spent with a tour of Akron. Jason pointed out the bus stop a half mile from the house and explained which bus would take them to the center of the city. In the downtown district, Jason was quick to identify areas to be avoided and others that were safe. "Of course," he added, "once you're accustomed to navigating around the city you can use your own judgment." As they drove around, Jason pulled over to the curb and stopped. "There are some places you never want to venture into. Like that bar over there. Oh, I know, you'll want to experiment with alcohol but not in that place. It's a hangout for queers, especially on Friday and Saturday nights. Young studs like you are desirable prey for the predators that hang out looking for ... well ... It's just something that you don't want to do."

Jeremiah didn't understand since he had no knowledge of gay sex but Isaac caught the meaning immediately and asked, "You mean it's true? There are really men who fornicate with other men?"

"Very true," Jason replied. Not wanting to continue the topic, he pulled away from the curb and said, "Just stay away from that place. Okay?"

Jeremiah was now confused and curious. Yes, he knew what fornication was and that it was common and natural. It's what produced calves and colts, and even human babies. But why would two men try it. More puzzling was HOW! It would be some time before he deduced that inserting the penis into the anus would approximate the male's behavior he had witnessed several times as animals were bred on the farm.

After supper that night, accustomed to retiring to bed soon after sundown, the two boys excused themselves and went upstairs to their room. Isaac was quite at ease as he went into the bathroom to change into his pajamas but Jeremiah's anxiety was climbing. The moment he feared was approaching; he would be side-by-side, just inches away from the one who had monopolized his sexual fantasies for a long time. He took his turn in the bathroom to change, returning to the bedroom to find Isaac in bed. Summoning all the force of will he could to control his feelings, he slipped under the covers, said "Good night," and lay down on his side, facing away from his friend. No masturbation tonight,' he thought. Maybe I should have done it in the bathroom. From now on, I suppose that will be the only place of pleasure available.'

It was a long time before Jeremiah could fall asleep, long after Isaac's slow breathing indicated that he had no such trouble. As he lay there, his imagination, unbidden, took over his thoughts. He mentally visualized his bed partner naked, erect, and masturbating just as he had done so many times before. The image was abruptly shattered when he realized that he was unconsciously fondling his own very stiff penis. That was a first. Previously, he conjured up the visual picture only after achieving an erection and beginning to stroke. This time, however, his imagination triggered his penis to engorge and beg for relief. As before, the lustful young man was unaware that it foreshadowed a life crisis in the future.

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Jeremiah found work in a fast food place serving burgers and fries. It didn't pay well, was tediously repetitive, and involved an erratic schedule but afforded the opportunity to observe (as he phrased it) "the ways of the English" most of whom he found to be aloof, demanding, and positively unfriendly. Isaac worked stocking shelves in a grocery store with occasional stints at bagging and retrieving carts from the parking lot. The two boys compared notes in the evening and agreed that life on the farm in spite of the arduous labor was far more pleasant and satisfying. They also agreed, if only tentatively, that they would return home at the conclusion of their Rumspringa.

Fate, however, would conspire to change Jeremiah's mind.

Chapter 2

Two weeks passed before Jeremiah overcame his distress and anxiety over sharing a bed with Isaac. He still had uncomfortable surges of lust from time to time but learned to distract himself by concentrating on something other than the desirable specimen of young, viral manhood that lay next to him. But when he was in the shower or sitting on the toilet, he gave his imagination full reign as he feverishly stroked his cock while maintaining a vision of a naked Isaac doing the same.

Immediately following each explosive orgasm, however, guilt consumed his thoughts. Having access to Jason's computer and the Internet, he had done considerable research and learned about homosexuality. Much of what he read upset him because he recognized traits and attitudes in himself that matched the description of a homosexual male and he learned that virtually all monotheistic religions -- including Christianity, Judaism, and Islam -- condemned it as a serious sin against God and nature. Nevertheless, he regularly surrendered to his urges and persisted in masturbating, allowing his attraction to Isaac to add a measure of satisfaction to his nearly daily practice of self-stimulation. His mental conflict of succumbing to the powerful desire to masturbate and subsequently chastising himself for his weakness often plunged him into depression. When Jason or Isaac asked what was wrong, he valiantly put on a façade of cheerfulness. But the contradiction of his behavior and loyalty to Amish beliefs were like a malignancy in his soul.

Ultimately, he seized on two items in his research that eased the emotional turmoil that was pushing him toward mental instability. First, he read that masturbation is so common among men, especially young men, that it could be called a universal practice. Second, young teens may experience an attraction to other males but it is a passing phase before they fully mature and become heterosexuals. Furthermore, experimentation with others of the same sex before traditional courtship and marriage is not uncommon. That information, alone, became the lighthouse that would guide him from the stormy sea to safety on shore. It was okay to masturbate. It was okay to feel attracted to another male -- at least for the time being. But a faint voice of his strict Amish heritage warned him that it was not okay to have physical contact with another's genitals solely for selfish pleasure. He didn't recall any explicit mention of the taboo as he grew up but it was a derivative of countless other teachings on proper behavior. It was, he concluded, another wicked behavior of the "English" and unacceptable for a good Amish man.

The guilt he suffered following masturbation was therefore dispelled from his mind and he was able to enjoy the sensual gratification whenever he was alone and wanted it. Isaac could be a part of the enjoyment -- at least in his imagination. There was no harm and no sin in that. There remained, however, a lustful desire to see, to touch, to caress his friend's naked body; to fondle his penis until it was erect; to stroke it as he often stroked his own until it yielded its pearly liquid. Oh, how he wondered what it would feel like to do that, how much pleasure he might enjoy, how much semen his friend would produce, and even whether it tasted as good as his own. But he regretfully realized he would never know the answer to those questions. Thinking about and wanting something can be forgiven but acting on those thoughts would surely be condemned by God.

Such was the complicated rationalization that allowed Jeremiah to satisfy his sexual needs alone and as often as he could but that would simultaneously keep him from risking any forbidden physical contact with another person. He had successfully convinced himself that God would not mind his masturbating but would punish any additional daring conduct.

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One month later, Jeremiah was forced to violate his self- imposed "hands off" policy.

Isaac awoke one Saturday morning with a fever and nausea. Jason insisted on taking him to the Urgent Care Center but Isaac steadfastly refused, saying he had had the flu before and it would pass in a day or so. After a lunch of chicken soup (the universal but rarely effective remedy), he lay in bed sweating with an empty pail nearby in case he had to vomit again. On one of Jeremiah's frequent visits to check on his condition, Isaac said, "I have to use the bathroom, Jerry." (They had previously decided to use the nicknames Jerry and Zack while living with the "English" during Rumspringa.). "Can you help me?" he asked with embarrassment.

Jeremiah helped his friend out of bed and supported him as they walked to the bathroom. Once inside, Isaac's strength ebbed further and he said, "I hate to ask you, Jerry, but I'm afraid I need more help. Would you mind pulling down my pajama bottoms and help me sit on the toilet?"

Jeremiah had no thoughts other than sympathy for his ailing buddy and doing what he could to help. Until ... until he saw in reality what he had previously been able only to imagine. A perfectly beautiful, uncut penis (larger than he had suspected) dangled from its root that was buried in a profuse bush of jet-black pubic hair. Jeremiah inhaled sharply at the sight but quickly recovered and lowered the weakened young man into a sitting position on the toilet. A thick, forceful stream of urine gushed into the pool of water below the gorgeous (so Jeremiah thought) appendage, the symbol of manhood that Jeremiah longed to touch, to feel, and to fondle. Isaac was preoccupied with relieving his bladder and Jeremiah took full advantage of the opportunity to admire his friend's equipment that, he now noticed, included a pendulous scrotum bulging with testicles. (Yes, because of his puritanical background, he thought of these things with proper anatomical names. He knew the terms, cock and balls and a few synonyms, but considered them to be profanity.) The icon of manliness between his idol's legs seared the image into his mind to be recalled as further stimulation and pleasure when he masturbated.

When finally Isaac was through with his business, Jeremiah helped him stand up. In the process, the pajama bottoms fell down to around his ankles. "Can you stand while I pull up your pajamas?" Jeremy asked with genuine concern for his friend.

"No, but I can hold on to your shoulders while you bend down to get them."

Without anticipating what lay immediately ahead, Jeremiah dropped to his knees in front of his friend. That, of course, positioned his eyes just inches from the temptation of the penis he had "seen" countless times in his fantasies but only recently in reality. He paused --a moment or two too long--- to admire the object of his secret desire. With much of Isaac's weight pressing down on his shoulders, he couldn't resist pretending to struggle with the pajamas while hardly taking his eyes away from what he longed to touch and fondle.

"Problem?" Isaac asked.

"No," Jeremiah replied, hastening to pull the pajama bottoms up. The temptation became too great to resist and he wrapped a hand around the tube of flesh to tuck it inside the pajamas before finishing the task. It was a totally unnecessary gesture and lasted too long. Isaac, in spite of his condition, noticed, wondered why it was done, and even entertained a fleeting suspicion of Jeremiah's motive.

Jeremiah managed with difficulty getting Isaac back into bed, rationalizing that he had only been assisting someone in need. Wasn't that what he'd been taught to do since he was very young? Wasn't that the Christian thing to do? Sure, he had taken the liberty of looking at and touching his friend's penis but that wasn't a serious infraction of Ordnung. It wasn't a homosexual act; it was simply satisfying a curiosity. Such was the twisted logic that eased Jeremiah's conscience.

But God would test him again!

Once Isaac had settled into bed, he continued to wonder about Jeremiah's apparent fixation on inspecting and even handling his penis. Up to that point, there had been neither evidence nor even a hint that Jerry was "that kind." Could it be? He had to know. And he could find out with a simple test. "Jerry," he began hesitantly. "I really hate to ask another favor but I'm all sweaty and I'm sure I'm smelly. Would you mind terribly giving me a sponge bath? My mother did it when I was a little boy and it made me feel a lot better."

"Sure, Zack, if that'll make you feel better."

Jeremiah went to fetch a large mixing bowl of warm water from the kitchen and a wash cloth and towel from the bathroom. On the way, the enormity of what he'd been asked to do struck him like a powerful kick from a stallion back on the farm. He resolved not to make the same mistake as he made pulling up Isaac's pajamas. 'The consequences are simply too dire,' he told himself.

He washed and dried Isaac's face, arms, and torso with no crack in his resolve but with ample thanks from his pal. "Does that feel better?" he asked as he started to gather up the cleaning items.

"Definitely," Isaac answered. But, still wanting to ascertain Jeremiah's interests, he added, "But you've only done half the job. How about my legs? They're all sticky with sweat, too."

Jeremiah hesitated. "But I'd have to take off your pajama bottoms," he objected. "Are you sure you want me to do that?"

"Didn't your father always tell you that a job half-done is not done? That's a line my father used with me more than a few times."

Reluctantly and fearing a lack of resolve, Jeremy pulled down the quilt and sheet. He would have to get perilously close to Isaac's private parts that would be fully exposed to view. Would that excite him to the point of erection? Could he control his eyes and his hands? Or would he commit another grievous blunder that would surely destroy a friendship? He was about to remove the pajama bottoms but stopped and said, "This is a bit awkward. Are you sure you want me to finish the job?"

"Of course," Isaac replied. "Besides, you're just being a nurse for me, what could wrong with that?"

"If you say so," Jeremiah said with resignation to whatever fate might befall him.

Isaac hadn't planned it and certainly didn't expect it but the gentle brushing of the wash cloth along his inner thighs provoked an embarrassing response from his penis that tingled and began to swell. He tried mightily to will it into passive submission but failed in the effort and his penis steadily rose toward full erection. A terrible realization arose in his mind and he worried, 'Drat! My experiment is backfiring. Jerry is going to think that I'm a Sodomite. Damn!'

Jeremiah noticed life flow into Isaac's penis, of course, and was mesmerized by the sight. Although he continued to wash and dry his friend's upper thighs, his eyes and mind were captivated by the hardening penis. Isaac, having surrendered to the inevitable and unable to think of any plausible excuse for his misbehaving penis, had no choice but to accept the unavoidable. His distress over the embarrassing situation was lessened when he saw that Jeremiah was attentively watching the engorging penis. Wasn't that the whole purpose of the planned test? Didn't it support the theory that Jerry was a homosexual? But, upon reflection, Isaac had to wonder, 'What did that really prove? It might as easily be that Jerry was curious or amused as much as it might be evidence of a secret desire and motive. One just couldn't be sure.'

Additional evidence was soon manifest that suggested the answer Isaac sought. Jeremiah was struggling to conceal a growing bulge in his trousers. 'Jerry's getting an erection, too!' Isaac thought. 'That surely means he's aroused by the sight of mine. Or does it? I can't really be sure.'

As Jeremiah continued washing Isaac's upper thighs (for longer than was necessary) his penis achieved full erection and began to throb. 'Damn!' he thought. 'Jerry's sure to think I'm a sinful Sodomite! But that's only because of the prolonged touching and rubbing close to my penis. And Jerry is taking too long to do that part of me. And he's aroused by the mere sight of my erection. That's pretty convincing proof that he's homosexual!'

Jeremiah noticed that Isaac's penis was leaking clear pre- seminal fluid, which only accelerated the stiffening of his own penis that was straining against the confining fabric of his trousers.. He knew that Isaac had seen the problem between his legs and worried about what conclusions his buddy might draw from it. That erased any thoughts he might have had about touching the now throbbing penis of his friend. It would only confirm what was possibly only suspected. He got a fresh set of pajamas and helped his friend put them on being extremely careful not to touch the stiff shaft that still beckoned his attention.

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For days, both boys wondered curiously (and hopefully) about the other's sexual interests.

Jeremiah's fantasies as he masturbated were enhanced by what he had seen. It was no longer a fabricated image; it was a vivid recall of a soft and an erect penis that fueled his arousal and increased his satisfaction before, during, and after orgasm.

Isaac, however, fretted over what his friend must now think of him. He lived in fear whenever he was around Jeremiah because his unintended and uncontrollable erection may have put an idea into his buddy's mind. If Jeremiah told anyone when they returned home to the insular Amish community after rumstringa it could be disastrous to his standing and trigger the righteous wrath of his parents. But a yearning lurked deep inside of him that he could not face and had strenuously suppressed. Within a few days, to quell the wicked thoughts that haunted him and to firmly establish his reputation as a devout Christian who complied with Ordnung, he made several scornful remarks about Sodomites when talking to Jeremiah. He also criticized those in the "English" world who tolerated such degenerate behavior. His ploy was successful because Jeremiah dismissed all suspicion that he and Isaac had the same interest.

Days, weeks, and months passed with both boys on guard to avoid even the slightest hint of having homosexual thoughts. But each of them, in his own way, struggled to cope with his urges.

Chapter 3

Author's Reminder: Jeremiah and Isaac adopted nicknames (Jerry and Zack) to use during their Rumspringa. This narrative, therefore, uses the nicknames when quoting dialog between them but uses their proper names when otherwise referring to them.

As the months passed, both Jeremiah and Isaac grew more at ease living with Jason among the "English." Their adjustment to life outside the Amish community might have bordered on the traumatic were it not for Jason's fatherly support and advice. It was, of course, a great help that their host understood their concerns and problems since he had experienced leaving the Amish community in his own Rumspringa. Jason had become fond of his two young boarders and they with him. It was no surprise, therefore, that the boys developed a comfortable rapport and shared their thoughts and feelings openly without the slightest reservation. Except, of course, their sexual interests. That had to remain a rigorously guarded, dark secret.

Jason's grown children were all daughters. He had always wanted a son and harbored the hope that his sons-in-law might somehow substitute for the sons he never had even though they were adults. But it was not to be. They did not share with him any views on politics, pride in manual labor, hobbies, entertainment, or, in one case, religion. His relationships with his daughters' husbands never rose above being politely cordial. With Jeremiah and Isaac it was different. A trust developed. They shared in each other's joys and sorrows. Their Christian values were compatible and complimentary. Jason relished the companionship in what would have been a lonely, empty house. The boys welcomed the comfortable security that enabled them to cope with the stresses of a strange new environment. There was a genuine affection that had emerged in a surprisingly short time. Jason relished the role of father figure and the two naïve young men looked to him in much the same way as they did with their own fathers.

The boys' bond with Jason was much stronger than with each other. Their compelling need to conceal their forbidden attraction to one another inhibited them from exhibiting anything more than polite but obvious friendship. Although they were good friends they were always guarded in relating to each other. Isaac found that easier than Jeremiah because he had more quickly and more thoroughly mastered the tactics of suppressing his true yearnings. He now successfully cloaked them even from himself with overt disdain for homosexuality. Jeremiah, by contrast, lacked a sufficiently strong force of will. Lust frequently rose to his consciousness. He was also far more introspective and honest with himself. He readily recognized his cravings, which caused no small amount of mental conflict.

Bedtime was still a problem for them both. It was a trivial problem for Isaac since he had honed his coping and denial skills while sharing a bed at home with his brother. It was a much larger problem for Jeremiah although a steadily diminishing one. Still, there were nights when his attraction to and the proximity of his bed mate resulted in a powerful longing for some type of intimate, physical contact. He was developing skill in controlling his urges but slowly. Masturbation was always satisfying but he yearned for something more. He wasn't too sure about what that "more" was except that it would involve giving his body up to a partner and having free access to that partner's naked body. The orgasm would surely be far better than in solitary masturbation. 'What did homosexual men do to each other to trigger it?' he often wondered. Manually masturbating each other seemed to be the only logical way.' He found the idea of anal sex to be disgusting. The idea of oral sex didn't occur to him. So his fantasies now included masturbating Isaac. And, in his imaginative flights of fantasy as he stimulated himself, it was his friend's hand stroking his penis.

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To celebrate Jeremiah's eighteenth birthday, Jason treated him and Isaac to a fine meal in an upscale restaurant. Neither of the young men had experienced anything like that before and they were nervous as they entered the posh atmosphere of the dining room. Each feared he would not know how to act in such elegant yet alien surroundings and might embarrass himself and his host. Jason sensed their discomfort and assured them, "Don't worry, boys. It's just a meal. Maybe different than what you're used to but it's one of the experiences you ought to have during Rumspringa."

Different it was! The boys were familiar with `down-home cookin' and had even eaten at 'sit down and be served' restaurants since arriving in Akron, but they didn't recognize half the items on the menu. They wondered why they had two forks and two spoons, they couldn't understand why it required a plate under the soup bowl, they were disappointed at the size of the main course, and they were puzzled when they chose a desert from the selection on a rolling cart only to have the cart wheeled back into the kitchen before their choice was delivered to them later. They both regarded those practices completely impractical and inefficient. The real shock to their sensibilities came, however, when they stole a glance at the bill with a total that exceeded their week's payroll check.

"Well, boys, how'd you like the meal?" Jason asked as they walked to the parking lot.

"The meal was outstanding," Isaac gushed. "But ... well ... it was..." he paused.

"It was what?" Jason asked.

"It cost you too much money! I enjoyed it but I hate to see you waste your money on a single dinner."

"It was more than just a meal, Zack. It was a celebration of Jerry's birthday. One has to do something special like that for a celebration."

Jeremiah joined the conversation. "Thank you, Jason. It was wonderful. But I agree with Zack. I'd have been just as happy eating at the steak house on Maple Street. As long as you and Zack are there. That's what makes things special for me."

"Okay," Jason conceded. "The company we keep is important. But as I said earlier, it's one of those experiences you ought to have during Rumspringa. And there's another. I thought we could stop at a bar and have a few beers before going home. It's okay. You're allowed to do that. In fact, it's one of the reasons for Rumspringa -- to experience life outside the community so you can decide whether to return or to chart your future here among the 'English'."

Neither young man was eager to stop at a bar. Both had been told stories about the addictive nature of alcoholic beverages and how they corrupted one's mind and soul. However, mostly as a favor to Jason, they accepted his invitation. They would later regret agreeing to the plan.

They did not like the taste of the beer but had a second one only to graciously accept Jason's hospitality. And a third. Both became light-headed as the alcohol invaded their bodies and they weaved as they walked out of the bar and across the parking lot to the SUV. (Jason, having developed a tolerance for alcohol, was unimpaired and could safely drive home.)

Both Isaac and Jeremiah chose to go immediately to bed because they were tired and didn't feel well. "That was very nice of Jason," Isaac said, slurring his words.

"Yes," Jeremiah replied. "But I hope he doesn't want to do it again. Especially the stop at the bar. I feel terrible. I just want to get into bed. I'm not even going to shower tonight."

Foregoing his usual nightly prayer, Jeremiah began to strip off his clothes, tossing them into a heap on the floor while Isaac watched with increasing interest as each article of clothing was removed. As more of his muscular physique was bared, it awakened thoughts from deep inside that had been lurking but continually suppressed by rational consciousness. He would never have allowed himself to watch so intently if he were sober but most of his inhibitions had been washed away or disabled by the effects of alcohol.

When Jeremiah was undressed except for his briefs, he fell into bed on his back next to Isaac whose eyes were riveted to the sizable bulge in the white cotton briefs. He had never seen what lay under the fabric of his friend's underwear but a faint outline of his penis was enough to arouse his curiosity as well as energize his libido.

Isaac lay down on his side and inched closer to Jeremiah. He laid an arm across his buddy's bare chest as he inquired with mock concern, "Are you all right, Jerry?"

"Yes. No! But I'll be fine in the morning,"

"I worry about you, Jerry. I mean that." Skipping several steps in his half-formed plan, he continued, "Because I like you. I like you a lot." Jeremiah did not respond because the room seemed to be whirling. Isaac resumed speaking thoughts of comfort -- and affection -- while simultaneously massaging Jeremiah's chest. Receiving no response since Jeremiah was half-asleep, he ever so slowly moved his hand down toward the ultimate goal. He watched attentively until slow heaving of his best friend's chest indicated that he was fully asleep. Within a few minutes, his hand slipped cautiously beneath the waistband of the briefs that housed what Isaac now desperately wanted to touch and to fondle. More than that, he wanted to SEE what lay under the concealing fabric. His lust was at fever pitch. His penis was erect and leaking. He no longer had control of the demon that had imprisoned his primal needs. In his still inebriated state, he abandoned caution that became, at best, only a background concern. He convinced himself that his beloved Jerry wouldn't awaken and notice that his briefs were being slipped down and completely off.

Good fortune and the effects of alcohol on his friend were on his side; the sleeping form did not stir. Its reproductive organ -- and, no doubt, a constant source of pleasure to its owner -- lay open to full view. Any vestige of proper behavior, all the years of indoctrination about avoiding sinful behavior, and any prudent thoughts of rationally assessing risk were consigned to dormancy (at least for the compelling moment of the now).

Gingerly, he moved a hand to touch the warm tube of flesh that captivated his attention and desire. The first touch was almost reverential and at the same time exhilarating. Isaac's lust was at full throttle and was in complete control of every thought and every action. He wrapped his hand around the flaccid penis and felt a thrill course through his body. With his other hand he cupped the testicles that were nestled in a wrinkled and hairy scrotum and was rewarded with another kick of pure delight. Oblivious now to whether his friend was still sleeping, he began to fondle and caress. It was what he had long wanted to do (although rarely consciously). And now the moment of fulfillment for his inhibited need was at hand -- figuratively and literally.

As he continued to indulge his secret desires, he watched as if mesmerized as the penis engorged and rose slowly to full erection. 'It's a staff of glory!' Isaac thought. 'It's beautiful! It's as if it were meant for my hand to hold and for my eyes to behold.'

Obsessed with the thrill and driven by lust, he bent down to smell the manly, musky scent, which only inflamed his desire. As a gesture of admiration, respect, and even worship, he kissed the tip of the magic wand -- although its "magic" was potent only to someone like Isaac who, by reason of genetics, environment, or some combination was attracted to those of the same sex.

Wild with the excitement of his adventure, Isaac began masturbating the rigid rod in his hand -- slowly at first but with an accelerating pace. He would not be content until he saw Jeremiah's seed gush forth. Of course he gave no heed to the consequences: it would be a mess to clean up and much more severe would be that it would awaken his bed partner. He would then have to admit the reality that he was homosexual.

The worst happened. Isaac was petrified and mortified when he heard a voice scream, "ZACK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

To be continued

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Iatia for valuable contributions to this story.