"Rory, wake up."
I stirred as I felt my arm, which was holding my head up, being nudged.
"What...?" I said groggily.
"He's coming around, you might wanna get your assignment out," said Betty. She sat next to me in my English class.
"That's what you woke me up for?" I hissed.
"I'm just trying to help, sOOOrry," she threw back.
"I didn't ask for your help Betty."
"Yeah well sometimes it's nice to try & help other people do better, seeing as you're...not exactly an A student," she said, the edges of her Catholic smile curving up.
"And sometimes it feels nice to be left alone. Which I'm sure that microscopic cobwebbed thing you call a cunt knows all about," I said with a delicious smile. Her eyes nearly blew out of her head at just the audible experience of hearing such Satanic tongue.
"Oops," I put a hand over my mouth, "how rude."
The teacher came just then to collect our papers, & as I handed him mine, I gave Betty my last few words.
"Do yourself a favor Betty. Listen to Billy Joel & uh, loosen up a bit," I gave her a pat on the back & left before she could throw up that fake shield she calls 'faith'.
"Who's THIS clown?" I took my sunglasses off as I walked up to Trent, who was only one of dozens of people standing around a man who standing on a box in the center of town. He had a megaphone & was yelling at us as if we were deaf. Pretty soon, we all probably would be.
"I dunno. School got out & I saw there were a lot of people around this guy. I think he's preaching about god," Trent laughed at the man's failing cause.
"God huh? I've had my share of stupidity for the day."
"I dunno Rory, I think this may be the real deal. I almost wanna suck his rosemary beads here in front of everyone."
I smiled.
"...a simple choice of who you have sex with. You CHOOSE who you sleep with & therefore, one is not given the unfortunate lifestyle of homosexuality by God. We are not animals, we have the ability to freely think for ourselves. Should one choose the path of homosexuality, then he chooses to lie with another man, a rule that I, as a follower of my Lord, cannot fathom the righteousness of, " the man went on.
"Is this really ALL they ever talk about?" I said.
"No. Before you got here, he talked about forgiveness," Trent said to me with a straight face. Bad grins crept their ways onto our faces at the silly idea of letting someone get away with something. In MY bible, forgiveness wasn't even in the index.
I glanced around the crowd & saw some people from school that I recognized. I saw Betty maybe 20 feet away watching the newest rendition of christ & nodding her head. But she wasn't the only person I recognized. I saw Caleb & Jacob standing nearby ready with two large signs that I couldn't make out from here. I rolled my eyes, only imagining what the two little faggots were POSSIBLY up to.
Nearby, I saw a policewoman standing with her arms crossed, her eyes showing the omission of rest & clear obsession with Letterman as she begged her own god for some delinquent to charge the guy just so she could stay awake & actually do something.
"...is a cause for alarm! The filth we know as the government is slowly allowing these homosexuals to mingle with those of us who know it is right to stay true to the morals of which this country was founded upon BEFORE it became this sick perverted empire full of corruption...." At least he had decent public speaking skills.
"You wanna go up & sin in front of everyone?" I suggested, seeing what he would say to the ever-popular gays-kissing-each-other scene.
"Nah. I'm not into that," he replied.
Just then, Caleb & Jacob made their way through the crowd with their signs & summoned themselves in front of the man. That's when they started to raise their voices.
"Who do you think you are? You don't have the right to tell us how we should 'conduct our lives' ya know! We don't choose to be gay, so quit being fucking ignorant & read a book, learn that there's nothing wrong with us!" Caleb yelled at the man.
It was interesting to see Caleb getting feisty about something. He was always such a smiley little fruit who never seemed to get upset or mad, so it was entertaining to see him like this. I watched as he & the preacher man clashed words over which of their gos was right & which was wrong. I could see Caleb's neck muscles binding tightly as they protruded from his skin like roots under the ground. His black bangs swung wildly as his body shook in passionate advocacy for whatever he was saying. His eyes focused in on the guy, forcing him to listen to him, keeping his attention as though if his eyes were to look away for a split second, Caleb would jump on him. This was the kind of shit you see on Youtube, not a couple blocks down from your school.
Caleb had his body turned, addressing the crowd about something. When his eyes suddenly fell on me, he hesitated, but only for an instant.
"Rory! C'mere!" he called to me.
FUCK THAT!
"No Caleb!"
"But Rory..."
"Shut the fuck up," Trent snapped at him. Caleb looked hurt by the sudden remark.
"How about you do something productive for once Trent & actually help a cause that affects even assholes like you," Jacob stepped in.
"How about I smash your face into the fucking GROUND you little shit?!" Trent flared up & started to move forward but I put a hand on his chest, reminding him of the nearby officer.
"Hey Rory," Betty said out of nowhere, "why don't you & your boyfriend get out of here before you cause any more trouble than you already do."
I shot daggers at her, driven to an instant rage that she would call me out in front of this crowd just as Caleb had. But I didn't have a chance to say anything back.
By this time, everybody was yelling at everyone. The officer's eyes were wide open, desperate to catch even the slightest sign of illegal moves. She'd piss her pants if someone just LITTERED at this point. I looked back to the preacher & saw him trying to calm everybody down over his megaphone, but to no avail. I wondered if he was blaming himself for all of this. I knew I was.
"I'm out of here," I barked to Trent, who was inches from pounding the crap out of a man in his mid-thirties.
"Same."
We started walking away from the riled up crowd. I heard Caleb calling my name.
"Rory, wait! Rory!"
I ignored the annoying little fucker & made my way down the street with Trent. I looked back to see Caleb staring at me, clearly disappointed that I refused to stick around. Nearby, I saw the policewoman hauling away a young man with cuffs on his wrists. Apparently he had attacked the preacher, who was standing with his sleeve to his nose, blood staining his shirt.
At least she got HER prayers answered for the day.
"Hello?" Ray said into the phone.
I debated turning up the volume on the tv to drown out his voice, but I decided that that would do nothing but earn me a good slap to the face for being rude.
"Who?...Hold on a sec," he said, walking over & handing me the phone.
"Make it quick, I'm expecting a call," he growled at me.
I took the phone from him & he left me alone.
"Hello?"
"Hi Rory," Caleb's voice came through the receiver.
"Caleb, I'm kinda busy right now," I said as I went through the channels, looking for something to watch.
"Look, I just wanted to say sorry for earlier."
"Sorry for what?"
"About trying to pull you into that whole thing with the guy who was preaching stuff."
I sighed.
"Look, Caleb, don't worry about it ok? It's just...I don't like doing stuff like that. I have an incredibly LOW interest in kissing someone to prove a point."
"I guess I thought it would've proven a point if you & Trent kissed in front of him."
"I'm not a circus act. I don't play puppet for people who try to tell me that being brainwashed is ok."
"Brainwashed?"
"Yeah."
"What do you mean?"
"To say I'm not very religious would be...quite the understatement. God is something I gave up on a long time ago."
"Oh." Pause. "But not every person who's Christian is like that guy. I mean, I go to church a lot & I'm not like him at all."
"It's ALL bullshit to me," I said flatly while scratching my chin.
"Religion isn't THAT bad Rory. It gives a lot of people peace of mind for things that might be uncertain of, or if they're in a bad situation. I don't see what's bad about that."
I leaned back on the couch.
"Well, for the sake of the fact that I'm short on time right now, I'll leave out all the fucking fighting throughout history that this supposed 'god' is at fault. That in mind, god never exactly let his eyes swing over to me while I was growing up. I prayed when I was younger. You know what I prayed for? I prayed for my uncle to stop beating me within inches of my life, I prayed for a life where I didn't have to expect being hit & beaten when I got home from school, sometimes for no reason. And what did your super ghost do for me? He laughed. I didn't realize that god picked favorites in his world. So I guess it's ok when a kid is hungry, prays & suddenly a whole fucking charity is granting him every wish, but a kid who's beaten by his drunk uncle & too scared to come out of his fucking ROOM doesn't deserve a turn? How many times does my arm have to be dislocated & broken before god steps in? How DRUNK does my uncle have to be before SOMEONE realizes that something is fucking ASKEW every time I show up at school with bruises all over my body? How many times do I have to skip school because I can't even wake up without MOANING in agony from every sore joint & place on my body? What child deserves to be abused like that? I used to think that eventually, he would let up once I got older & then I could become the fun-loving kid I should have been. But that didn't happen. It's too late at this point for me to have a chance at normality Caleb. THAT'S why I'm not part of god's fucking entourage. I gave up on having faith a long time ago."
I listened for a moment to see what Caleb would say, but he didn't say anything at first. I guess out of shock.
To be honest, I missed believing in god. At night when the hitting had stopped, the idea of some all great THING would eventually make it all just stop was enough to keep me going. But after years & years of stuff like that, it's hard to have any faith especially when none of it comes true.
"Well...sometimes it's not faith that saves you. It's belief. You don't have to be religious to get what you pray for."
"Really."
"I'm just saying Rory...religion isn't about joining some cult that follows something that may or may not exist. It's about having a way of belief where you feel comfortable in knowing that there might be something out there that helps you get through life, even if it's on a purely personal level. Not everyone is part of a religion because it's just 'something to do', there are plenty of people out there who are Catholic, Jewish, Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim because they truly want to find a reason for their existence & help the greater community."
"That's bullshit."
"Eh, that's your opinion" Caleb said, a smile behind his words.
"No Caleb, that's fact!" I snapped.
"You don't have to have a faith. You just need belief," he repeated with a bit of zest in his voice.
I was borderline seething at this point. My teeth were clenched together.
"Look, I gotta go but I'll see ya later ok? Again though, sorry for calling you out like that."
I didn't say anything.
"Ok, well see ya Rory!" he said & hung up.
I put the phone down, PISSED at this point. Things like this ruined days for me. I walked over to a bookcase where on the top of it, were several of those fake pictures of me & Ray, one of them in a frame that had Christian designs all over it as if to prove to foreign eyes that we were good churchy people. I picked up the picture & looked at it. Ray was smiling that shining bogus smile he always did when trying to show people he wasn't a drunken asshole who beat the living shit out of his nephew on a nearly constant basis when he was a little boy. To show others that by being a good Christian, could get away with murder on the battlefield for a living. To show others that there was nothing wrong with this picture.
A surge of anger suddenly ripped through me like a sonic boom.
"AAAGGGGHHH!" I bellowed as I HURLED the picture frame across the entire living room, the frame exploding into hundreds of shards of glass as it collided with the wall at a million miles an hour. I watched the shards sparkle with teeth clenched & a heavily panting chest. The anger had caused me to sport an erection & as I stared at the wondrous display of glass fall onto the floor like raindrops, I couldn't help but feel aroused while my body trembled in anger at the BULLSHIT Caleb had poured into my ears.
Out of nowhere, I felt a hand clench itself around the back of my neck & force me forward to the wall where the picture had hit.
"YOU WANNA BREAK MY FUCKING SHIT?! THEN YOU GET TO CLEAN IT UP!" Ray screamed into my ear as he shoved me forward, causing me to fall into a sea of glass splinters, shards digging themselves cruelly into my hands, knees & elbows.
"Clean it! NOW!" Ray commanded as he swung his foot back & kicked me hard in the gut as I lay on the floor. With that, he walked away, leaving me clutching my stomach with glass-filled hands.
With bleeding hands & legs, I was able to stand up & stumble my way to the closet & take out a broom.
Wanna hear a joke?
God.
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