Rock Bottom By Paul
Note: This story does not imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell or Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys. If you are under 18 or are offended by homosexual literature, then you should go away now.
The comments haven't been as plentiful lately, so if you're reading this, please send on an email. I get off on praise, remember???
And now, on to the next chapter.
Chapter Six:
Nick and Brian rode the elevator down to the garage where Brian had parked his Mercedes. Careful of the security cameras in the elevator, they did not hold hands or kiss or seek physical comfort from each other while alone in the enclosed space. However, they stared into each others eyes, directly yet silently, communicating their deepest, innermost thoughts to each other; they were obviously in the kind of love in which they could read each other's minds.
The elevator doors opened, and they walked to the parking space designated for Penthouse Number Four. Brian pressed the automatic unlock for the car, and he got in the driver seat as Nick sat in the passenger's seat. Turning on the car, Nick and Brian drove out of the garage. As they drove along, Brian held the wheel with one hand, while holding his lover's hand with the other.
Brian and Nick were driving toward La Caf‚ Paradis, where they were meeting A.J., Howie, and Kevin for coffee. The other boys were under the impression that this was just a social call, but Nick and Brian were planning to reveal what had happened to Nick in the last week. Nick had decided that it was the time to let the other people who were important in his life know of the trauma he had been facing of late. He and Brian had decided, however, not to reveal their sexualities, because they felt that it wasn't right to share it with other people before they understood their romance and Brian's sexuality for themselves.
They pulled into the parking lot of the caf‚. The caf‚ was located in a quaint, New Orleans style building with ivy crawling along the faded red bricks which were chipping slightly. The parking lot was well shaded by trees, and provided the gravel driveway underneath with some protection from the hot Florida sun. Nick and Brian exited the car, and locked it. They both stepped toward the side entrance of the caf‚, and entered the door.
Upon their entrance, they quickly saw A.J., Howie, and Kevin sitting at a table in wait of their arrival. They had already been served, and Kevin was nursing the liquid from the mug pressed against his lips. The two lovers went and sat at the table with their bandmates.
"Hey guys," Nick said to the three when they got to the table.
"Hey Nicky," said Kevin. "What's up? We haven't seen you in a long time."
"Yeah, dude," said A.J. "Is everything alright?"
At that moment, the waitress arrived at the table.
"Maybe that's something we should get to after we are served, don't you think Brian?" asked Nick.
"Very true," said Brian. "Can I have a peach Italian soda?" Brian asked the waitress.
"Sure," she said politely, marking down his order. "What about you, sir?" she asked Nick.
"Could I have a White Chocolate Mocha?" Nick asked.
"Sure thing. I'll be right back with your drinks." With that, the waitress left to go behind the counter.
"So, Kevin," Brian began, "how is that song coming along that you're writing for the new album?"
"It's going well. It's kind of a nice, slow, love song, with a lot of acoustic guitar and piano. It's something that is a really different sound that what we've done. And hey, if it's soft and acoustic, maybe it's something *N Sync won't try and copy this time."
"Hey, Kevin," said Howie. "You have to remember that someone at this table is friends with a couple of people in that..." Howie paused, making a spitting sound with his tongue, "...band."
"Hey, don't worry about it," said Nick. "Justin and I haven't talked in like a month. I just don't think that friendship was meant to work out. You know, the rivalries of the band just didn't play well."
"Well, it does kind of suck that rivalry stopped you guys from having a friendship," said A.J.
"Well, it wasn't just the rivalry, A.J.," said Nick.
However, before any of his band mates could ask Nick any more questions, Brian and Nick's drinks arrived. Nick blew on the froth of his mocha, and sipped the hot drink, while Brian took a large gulp of the icy top of his Italian soda.
"So," Kevin said, "you guys were going to tell us why we haven't seen Nick around lately."
Resting his chin on his hand and looking squarely and Nick and Brian, A.J. said, "Yeah. Spill."
Nick took a sip of his mocha and sat tall in his chair. He took a deep breath in, and exhaled it slowly and gently. "Well, I think I have to start the very beginning," said Nick, as he rested his arms upon the table. "I think the biggest thing that started this was a few years ago, probably when I was about sixteen, and I started realizing some things. It was a really slow process, but at first it was this feeling of difference: I felt as if I didn't fit in with anyone else in the world. It was hard, because I didn't have any idea what exactly was different, only that I was. I think that was very significant, because I felt completely alone. I started this really dark, and depressing part of my life, and a bunch of times I was so horribly in pieces that I didn't have the will to live. That was, until I met someone.
"This person was special," Nick said, as he sipped his mocha. "This person was able to look into my eyes, and break down the falsehoods I was presenting and toss away the barriers that I was putting up and getting into the real me. This person was able to understand me when I was unable to understand myself. This person reached out to me, and pulled me up, loved me and made love to me, and made sure that things were okay. And for the first time in a long time, I was happy.
"But that only lasted for so long. Slowly this person wasn't became a stranger to me. This person changed, so much so that I was barely even able to make recognition. And then, I lost all importance in this person's life. This person discarded me - threw me away, and left me just like I had been before: all alone and completely helpless.
"I reverted back to the exact way I used to be. I felt dark, and lonely. I started shutting myself off from people. The darkness inside of me enveloped me, and took away everything else. I felt so empty that I had no where else to turn... to the point where one day a few weeks ago, I took a whole bunch of pills and lay down in my bed, hoping to die. Brian saved me though. He discovered me at the last minute, and got me to the hospital and helped me get well. It's still really rough, and I still feel like shit a lot, but I'm getting better, and I think I'm going to be fine."
"Oh, my God, Nick," said Kevin. "I'm so sorry."
"Thank you, Kev," said Nick, "but there's something else to add to the story. The person I was speaking about was a boy. He was very important to me, and possessed my heart, and unfortunately for me, he abolished it from himself as well. Kevin, Howie, A.J., I'm gay."
In a state of shock, the three boys who thought this was just a coffee date were taken aback. Kevin picked up his coffee and took a sip, as A.J. sipped his milkshake and Howie sipped his Italian soda. There was silence at the table.
Kevin was the first to break the silence. "I wish you had told us sooner, Nick," said Kevin. He paused, pensively, and the said, "I wish we all could have been here to help you out in finding yourself, so that you wouldn't have been all alone, and so when you finally made the discovery of your homosexuality, we could've been here to celebrate with you."
"I totally agree with Kevin, Nick," said A.J., after a short silence.
"Me too," said Howie.
It was Nick's turn to be shocked. He was taken aback at the reception he had received. "You mean, you're okay with this?" he asked.
"Okay?" said AJ, "No, we're not okay. We're excellent. We're supportive, and loving, because you're just like another brother to us, Nick. Let's celebrate, Nick, because this is an amazing thing that we should be joyous of."
So, the five boys sat at the table and ordered more coffees and sodas, talking at great depth about all of their lives, and how much they did indeed love each other like brothers. Brian explained the new living arrangement between him and Nick, and how he was going to be watching over him at doctor's orders. After a couple of hours at the coffee house, the boys left the restaurant, and Nick and Brian returned to the Mercedes.
Inside, Brian started driving and held Nick's hand.
"That was amazing," Nick said. "I've never heard of any reception like that. I love those boys. They're amazing."
"They are indeed. They're family. Family sticks together," agreed Brian.
"Exactly," said Nick.
"I didn't realize it was that kind of story, with, um... what was his name... Justin?" said Brian.
"Well, it's hard to explain, Brian," Nick said.
"How so?" asked Brian.
"Well, it's not hard to explain in the way that it was complicated, but it's hard for me to talk about it because it hurt so much," said Nick. "I loved him so much, Brian. It hurt me so badly when he left."
"I see," Brian said.
A tear slipped out from Nick's eye. Brian caught a glance of it in his peripheral vision.
"What's wrong, sweetie?" asked Brian.
"Well, I'm just thinking about the boy I love so much now," replied Nick.
Nick leaned over and kissed his beautiful boyfriend upon the lips.
When Nick and Brian walked into the penthouse, Nick hung up his coat in the closet and Brian walked toward the answering machine. He pressed the play button.
"Message one of one," said the electronic voice of the machine.
"Hey Nick, it's me," said the voice coming from the machine. "Look. I tracked you down here, because I really need to talk to you. I think we made a really big mistake, and I'd like to talk to you about it. Over dinner maybe? Give me a call." The voice paused, and let out a shallow breath. "Bye."
Brian looked over at the closet, and noticed his boyfriend shaking. Brian quickly ran over to Nick and hugged him, rubbing his arms with his hands.
"Are you cold, Nick?" asked Brian.
"No," replied Nick, stuttering. After a pause, Nick said, "That was him."
"Him?" Brain replied, very surprised. "But I know that voice."
Who is Nick's ex-boyfriend (as if you can't already tell)??? Find out in Chapter 7. Email comments to thetowntramp@hotmail.com.