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I stood on the tip of my toes, trying to see the baggage claim area. It was stupid, as Robin's plane had not been announced yet as landed, but I was so impatient to take my lover in my arms and kiss him. That was when I heard a big BANG and everything went dark for me.
I came back to my senses. I was laying in a white bed in what seemed to be a hospital. There was a man sitting in a chair next to my bed. When he saw I had my eyes open, he immediately came closer to me.
-Hello my Love...
My Love ? Who was he ? How did I get here ? What happened ? The stranger pushed a button and in a few seconds a nurse came into the room.
-I'll call the doctor, she said.
Another few minutes later a man came in and I presumed it was the doctor as he had a stethoscope around his neck. The stranger was asked to leave the room for a moment. The doctor checked my vitals.
-I am glad to see you are back, the doctor said.
Back ? What on earth did he mean ? I had to know.
-What happened ? Why am I here and how long have I been here anyway ?
-You don't remember, do you ?
-Remember what ?
I got really nervous and upset. Why was I in hospital to start with ?
-You were at the airport when a bomb exploded. That was about a month ago...
-What ?
I was flabbergasted as I didn't remember a thing, neither being at the airport, nor an exploding bomb.
-Yes, you have been in a coma. What is the last thing you remember?
I had to do a serious effort trying to remember anything at all. It was a total blank.
-Ok, the doctor said. What is your name ?
-My name is Al Smith, I answered.
-That is correct. What's your birthday ?
-Hmmm... 29th of June of ...
I couldn't remember my birth year.
-What do you do for a living ?
-I am ...
I couldn't remember either. This was beginning to frustrate me to the highest point.
-You are suffering amnesia Al, we'll have to look into that.
It was so frustrating to not remember anything. I asked the doctor like a million questions and he patiently answered them. That was how I learned I had been at the airport, the bomb explosion, being brought into hospital and being in the come for over a month. That my parents had been here everyday as well as my lover. I didn't even remembered having a lover, although I just knew I was gay.
Just when the doctor was about to leave, my parents barged into the room. I did remember them. My mother was all over me, telling me she had been so frightened. My father stoically said nothing but I could see a tear rolling down his face. I guessed that after a month of coma, it was a happy tear to see I was alive and awake. I asked my mother if she knew I was gay. She looked at me astonished.
-Yes dear, we have known for quite a long time now. Robin is waiting outside.
-Who's Robin ? I asked.
-Robin is your lover and we are even planning your wedding with him !
Oh my... I was going to marry ? I asked my parents to call him in and I looked at him. I didn't remember him at all. His eyes were red and puffy. It was obvious he had been crying. I didn't know how to act. I didn't know what to think. Yes, he was a handsome man that I would cruise if I met him in a bar, but I had no memory at all that I had done that. I had no idea how I had met him. I felt so sorry for him because obviously he loved me very much, but I didn't recall any of those feelings.
In the afternoon I had the visit of two guys and a woman. I didn't remember them either. They introduced themselves as Randy, Ray and Roberta That Ray guy was pretty cute. They then told me they were colleagues of mine at the medical center in town.
-Ok, I said, and what do I do there ?
-You are our chief doctor Al !
-I am a doctor ? I asked completely stunned.
They looked at each other in total despair. When the woman who called herself Roberta, started to speak, her voice sounded familiar. So, I asked her to go on speaking. She told me about the medical center and what she did. The more she spoke, the more familiar it sounded, but it didn't bring any specific memory in my head. A few minutes later two women came in. I recognized them as being my sisters Rose and Regina. They said hello to my other three visitors, kissing them on the cheeks and hugging them. That gave me a clue that they knew each other, meaning that my "colleagues" were probably good friends as well. Rose turned to me and asked if I had seen Robin.
-I have seen a man who at first called me "My Love" but I don't remember having met him before.
-Well, don't worry about having met him or not, Rose said, he is the love of your life and so much love will come back in your head. Give him a chance to wake up your memories !
Suddenly, all these visits were too much for me and I asked them to leave me alone. They didn't understand, but respected my wish and left. I tried desperately to put things on a row. My parents and my sisters were still in my memory, but nothing else. I called the nurse and asked her to send the doctor in. Once he was there, I started asking him questions about my general state and what kind of injuries I had suffered. He was very precise with his answers and I surprised myself to come to a medical conclusion. I had to be a doctor after all. I told him about Roberta's voice that sounded familiar to me and he could only agree it was a good sign. In his humble opinion, but professional as well, he thought the amnesia was going to be temporary.
I had a bad first night. I couldn't get any sleep. My mind was racing at the speed of light and I desperately tried to remember things, but to no avail. The male night nurse checked on me several times. I wondered what he was doing in a hospital as his place was clearly in fashion magazines or on a catwalk. I asked him if he could spend some time with me as I felt lonely and lost. He sat on the edge of my bed and we talked. He reassured me that my memory would come back, that I had to show a lot of patience. Through the bedsheets I could feel his warmth and certainly when his upper leg was touching mine. I felt my cock getting hard to the point it was hurting. I NEEDED to jack off. I slipped my hand under the sheet, caressing myself. The nurse saw what was happening. He asked me if I needed some help. I sighed and nodded.
His hand went under the sheets and he grabbed my erection. His hand was warm and soft. He sheepishly smiled at me. I couldn't help myself and pushed the sheets away. My genitals were visible as I was naked in my bed. He gasped saying I had a beautiful cock. He didn't lose any time and bent forward till his lips touched my cock-head. Opening his mouth wide open, he engulfed my manhood and started sucking in earnest. Even if my memory didn't work as it should, I knew he was a fantastic cock-sucker. I didn't know what I compared him to and I didn't care. According to the doctor, I had been in coma for over a month and that meant I hadn't had an orgasm either. The nurse bobbed up and down on my shaft while playing with my balls. He gave me quite some pleasure, although I had the feeling something was missing. Couldn't say what it was though. He pushed his hospital trousers down as he didn't want any stains on it. Seeing his cock, I grabbed it and softly stroke it while he continued sucking me with gusto. He had to be excited as I soon felt his cock pulse and his juices filled my hand. While he orgasmed he went on sucking with more enthusiasm and I, too, went over the edge, filling his mouth with my semen. He pulled his pants up and covered me properly with the sheets. He applied a soft kiss on my lips saying I would probably sleep better now. He was right.
In the morning, after what they called breakfast (horrible ! ), they wheeled my bed down for an MRI. The doctor came in the beginning of the afternoon, saying that on the MRI they could see there had been a minor brain bleeding, but that it would resorb with time and that my memory would probably come back when the blood clot would be completely away. Just as the night nurse had told me, it was a question of patience.
My parents came to visit again. Actually they were there every day, just like that Robin man who said was my lover. I asked them to tell me more about what had happened at the airport. The only thing they could tell me was the information that they had gotten on television where the bomb attack had been the main subject of the daily news at the time. I also had to ask them why I was at the airport.
-Al... you were there to pick-up Robin who came back from a training for his new job !
-Oh...
I was still very confused about it all. My mother went on.
-You can't imagine how miserable Robin is feeling for the moment. He can't believe you forgot him and the love you feel for each other...
-MUM ! It is really not my fault that my memory is gone. I see that guy and it doesn't wake-up any feelings at all. There is one thing that probably didn't change, bomb attack or not, and that is to fake feelings is impossible for me. I have been totally out of this world for over a month and I really don't need any scolding ! I am the one who has to recover from whatever happened to me. If he has any reproach to make, he can just f*** off.
-Come on dear, you don't have to get upset like this. Robin is not reproaching you anything at all, but if you talk about things that haven't changed, you have always been empathic, so don't push him away ! You would certainly regret it once you recover your memory !
The frustration was such that I didn't now what to think or do. You wake up in a hospital, not remembering a thing. A whole part of my life had just vanished. I remembered my parents and my sisters, but didn't recall anything about growing up or doing things with them. It was just their faces and who they were, nothing else. I could understand Robin was sad if what everybody told me was true, but in that case, I lost the love of my life as well.
At Robin's next visit, I tried to be as friendly as possible. He had brought a photo album with him. We went through it and he patiently explained, for each picture, where it was taken and in which circumstances. In a lot of the pictures we were kissing. We had so happy faces as well. It was impossible to deny that we had had something together... but the feelings didn't come back.
During the following weeks, I had some flashes, snippets of memories coming back. The first things that came back were my medical knowledge. I could again look at my files and so on, and interpret them accurately according to what the doctor told me. By the way, he was happy to see that even a very small part of my memory was coming back and had good hopes that I was well on my way to recover it completely.
The memory is a very strange machine and there was no pattern in the way it came back. Sometimes it was just a flash whereas other times it was a whole episode of my life that came to my mind. Robin was constantly at my side and I started to realize why I had fallen in love with him in the first place. I had the feeling I was falling for him again. It had become a habit to have a visit from the night nurse and sex with him was marvelous. What happened was that I started to feel guilty about it. If, indeed, I had a love affair with Robin, I was feeling guilty of being unfaithful to him. Robin hadn't shown the slightest sexual interest in me and the only thing I could think of was to have sex like a wild man, like a beast.
There was another MRI programmed. The doctor was very happy with the results. He showed me the first MRI and the last one, waiting for MY verdict. In my professional opinion, I was ready to be released from hospital as soon as I felt strong enough on my legs, which was not the case yet. The doctor almost agreed with me, but still wanted to keep a close eye on me. However, he sent a physiotherapist to help me regain strength in all my muscles. I had been laying down for almost two month without getting out of bed. The revalidation was not going to be short and easy, but I was determined to do the necessary efforts to get on my feet again. I wanted to walk out of the hospital on my own and without any help. The first sessions were in my room and the therapist moved my legs and arms, to bring back some serious blood circulation in them. After a couple of days, he got me out of bed and asked me to just stand on my feet without walking. I was very unsteady but with some help I got to stand on my own. He said to not overdo things. My muscles were weak and needed exercise.
A week later, he wheeled me down in a wheelchair to the rehabilitation room that was equipped with quite some machinery similar to what you could find in a normal gym. I had to get used to the movements before he started to add weights. He was proud of what I was doing. I still thought I could do more, but was an obedient patient and did what he told me, nothing more. When I was stable on my legs, I was finally allowed to have a proper shower. My God ! It was incredible. I won't diminish the work of the nurses and their daily sponge baths, but taking a shower on my own was pure luxury for me. I stayed under the cascading water for a very long time, enjoying it to the fullest. It was under that shower that I had a flash of Robin and I showering together. It was a short but very strong flash to the point my cock reacted to it. I allowed myself to pleasure me and shot a huge wad of sperm down the drain. I felt invigorated like I hadn't in a very long time.
During all the time in hospital, I had never thought about my old beaten-up car. It was old, but it was mine. It was obvious for me that if I had gone to the airport to fetch Robin, I had gone by car. I asked him what happened to my old car. He smiled at me.
-Your old car is gone since Christmas. I don't want to brag about it, but I bought you a new KIA Sportage...
-It is dark blue, isn't it ? I asked. And it has a sunroof, doesn't it?
-Yes and yes, Robin answered with a huge smile on his face. Another piece of memory had shown up.
-Where is it now ?
-At home, he said. I won't give you the details of how I found it on the airport parking lot. Do you have any idea how many cars are on that parking lot ? Thousands ! I searched for it for several hours during the daytime, but without success. Then I remembered the remote control to open and close the car, also activated the lights at night. Once I remembered that, it was a lot easier to find.
I only half listened to his explanation. The fact he said my car was "at home" made me think about something that had not crossed my mind yet. Robin and I were actually living together. I hadn't given it much attention when we watched the pictures and that he sometimes mentioned the "at home" fact, but now it was downing on me. Yes, we had a life together. Yes, I was bit by bit falling for him again, but the real memories about the life we had, had not come back yet. I got used to see faces and accepted what people said to me about them, but I still didn't remember how I had met them or what kind of role they played in my life. When Robin's brother Ryan came with his boyfriend to visit me, there was something familiar, but I didn't know if it was because I remembered them as family of Robin's or if it was familiar because they were a gay couple.
Another MRI was performed and the doctor and I looked at it. We couldn't see the blood clot anymore. It had disappeared. The report of the physiotherapist was very good, although I would still have to exercise a lot before I would be back to my physical shape I had before the bomb attack at the airport, as I could see on the pictures in the photo album. The doctor said I was ready to leave the hospital.
That caused a kind of panic attack. Although it was my choice to go to my own house, and not to my parent's house, I realized I would be 24/7 with Robin. Yes, I had positive feelings towards him and I liked him very much, but the big step to be all the time together, scared me to death. All the time I had been at the hospital, I had been concentrated in recovering my memory and my life. I had not taken the time to really know Robin as everything with him was new. I could guess everything was going to be all right, but deep inside I was not sure at all. Robin was so in love with me, whereas I had "starting" feelings. We were not on the same level anymore as he expected. I didn't know if I would be able to give him what he wanted or expected from me. For the first time in months I would be in the same bed with him. He had told me how our life was before. Would I be up to his expectations ? And more so, would he be up to mine ?
The day of my release was difficult. First of all there were quite a lot of reporters who wanted to see the man that had survived the bomb attack. When I saw them waiting at the front door of the hospital, I suddenly didn't want to go out. Robin was considerate enough to lead me back in and bring me down to the basement parking. He told me to wait and that he would get the car and so we could avoid those reporters who were looking just for sensations. We reached home and again there were the reporters. Robin used the remote control to open the garage door, put his car inside and closed the door quickly. I got out of his car and saw mine. I caressed it as if it was my most valuable possession.
As we entered the house, reporters were waiting at the windows. Robin quickly closed all the curtains and immediately called the police to have them removed from my property. It was more than two hours later that we could open the curtains again. I looked around in the house. A lot of things were familiar to me, but didn't really ring a bell. I was rediscovering my own house. I went in all the rooms. Robin respectfully waited in the living room. What surprised me the most, even if I dreaded it, was that Robin didn't show any interest in taking me in his arms. I asked him why he didn't do it.
Robin broke down in tears without answering.
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