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We spread the word we were once again looking for a doctor at our medical center. We got quite some resumés but one really caught our attention, as it was a forensic doctor looking for a part-time job. We invited him over for an interview. Ron, the forensic doctor, told us that he was a little bored at his job and had quite some time doing nothing. He was a little older than all the other candidates. He even had a grown-up son of twenty-two years of age. As his wife had died several years ago and that his son became more and more independent, he wanted to feel useful again and as he put it, he was bored to talk to himself when he had a "patient". To avoid the problems we had with the previous one, we blatantly asked him what he was thinking about gays. He smiled.
-My son is gay, he said, and I love him with all of my heart. The house is often full with his friends and some of them even tried to seduce me. Imagine that ! Gay people are exactly what the name says : gay, in every sense of the word. I would say I have a special affection towards them as a lot of them can't or won't come out of that famous closet and need help nonetheless.
That made our decision easier. Wanting a part-time job was convenient in a certain way. It was Roberta who would have to juggle with the schedules. She said she would manage. Ron warned us that sometimes he would have to leave on very short notice, due to having a corpse to examine when the police force asked him to. We accepted that.
Ron soon became an asset to the center. He was so kind and human and people liked him instantly and he became a kind of father-figure to all of us. The word spread quickly and some older people asked specifically for him. His knowledge about plants and herbs was very extensive and he avoided to prescribe chemical medication whenever he could and having success with it, to the point that Randy, Ray and I also started to ask him to teach us more about it. After his wife died, he had started to grow plants and herbs in his backyard and invited us to visit him to show us his kitchen garden as he called it. He had transmitted his knowledge to his son who was studying at the university to become a confirmed botanist.
At home, Roy and I slipped surreptitiously in a comfortable life together. My family had a harder time accepting him just like that. They loved Robin so much and found that I was starting something new a little too early. I had no intention to explain to them that Roy had been in our lives even before Robin passed away. For them, Roy was trying to take Robin's place and that bothered them. On a Sunday lunch they were all at our place and I was busy in the kitchen with Roy. I heard my sister Regina lecturing my parents and my sister, telling them that is was MY life and not theirs; that Robin was gone and that I had the right to live and to love and who I lived with or slept with, was none of their business. Roy heard her as well and deduced he was not really welcome in my family. He wanted to leave the house by the backdoor, feeling that my family was more important to me.
I had to stop him and persuade him that he was more important than them. To prove my point, I took him by the hand and pulled him into the living room, confronting my family with something they probably didn't expect.
-I won't accept any argument here about Roy being here. As Regina already told you, it is my life. Robin is dead (I almost shouted that) ! He actually chose to do so and leave me behind. Roy is my best friend and has been here when you were not ! If you want any personal details, yes, Roy is sleeping in my bed and lives here ninety-five percent of the time. And yes, we make love because that is what happens when two people love each other. I love Roy from the bottom of my heart and he returns that love a hundred times. If you can't accept him, I would appreciate it that you leave the house you were invited at. If you do accept him, I think some apologies are in order.
To make it crystal clear, I took him by the hand and for the first time I kissed him in presence of my family.
-Roy didn't take Robin's place, because if he did, he would be at the cemetery. Roy is not Robin and so that you know, he lost his husband, too. We were two wandering souls that found each other and who try to make the best of our lives after what happened to us. Can't you see we are happy together ? Can't you allow that ?
-I think you forgot Robin a bit too easily, Rose said.
-You really think so ? I respect your opinion although I don't agree with you Rose. You don't have the slightest idea what we went through with Robin. To quote Roy here, we don't have to forget anybody. Robin and Roy's husband are still in our hearts and will be there till the day we die. You are bringing it all back to only sex dear sister. You don't have a clue what you are talking about. Before you make up your mind about something, I would advise you to think about it and if you miss details to be able to do so, I invite you to come over and ask instead of being prejudicial. The day you will witness what we did after Rachel's death, you'll be allowed to speak, but not now... yet !
My mother tried to smoothened the situation at hand, telling me to not get upset.
-Every action causes a reaction mother. From what Roy and I heard in the kitchen, the ones who were upset in the first place were you and not us. I talked about you before you arrived and now Roy has to think I am a liar, because you are showing the opposite of what I told him, that you were a loving and respecting family.
I turned my heels and dragged Roy to the kitchen again and broke down in tears. Roy hugged me. Like always he was there when I needed him. I couldn't help it to say sorry to him about a hundred times. It was Regina who followed us to the kitchen and we had a group hug. It was she who came up for us and nonetheless apologized for talking out loud to the point we could hear it. It was not her purpose. I wiped my tears from my face with a tea towel and tried to get my composure back. It was hard to be judged and condemned by my own family, just because I didn't give up on life ! It was already hard enough that Robin had literally left me without any valid reason. It was hard to believe that my love for him was not enough to keep him alive, but it was even harder to hear my sister Rose blame me for trying to go on without him.
How could they not understand that Robin's death was a betrayal to me. If he had left me because he found love somewhere else, in the arms of another man, I could have understood it and could have tried to win him back, but this was such a definite way of leaving me.
If it wasn't for Roy, who had prepared the meal, I would have liked to send them all home. I felt like my own family, except for Regina, had deceived me big time. I couldn't believe that I had lost my husband and now was about to lose my family as well. That telepathic feeling I already had experienced various times with Roy was suddenly back when he spoke.
-Don't speak when you are in anger Al. You know that spoken words can't be taken back.
He did indeed understand me and know me inside out. He knew what was on my mind and he dreaded it. I looked at him and could see only love, unconditional love.
-It hurts me Roy, that they can't accept our love, that they can't accept that our lives go on despite what we have been through.
-I know what you feel Al, he answered, but I think you shouldn't get upset like that. They don't know what it is to lose a loved one and you can't hold it against them. You are a lot stronger and intelligent to make the difference between who knows and the ones who are ignorant. Don't let it get to your heart. Let's eat and once they are gone I promise to do whatever is in my power to relax you and forget the incident.
We sat down for lunch. My mother complimented me on the nicely dressed table.
-It is Roy who dressed the table...
Later, she tried again saying that I had prepared a lovely meal.
-It is Roy who worked hard in the kitchen to offer you a delicious meal... I can see you won't give him any credit at all, do you ? To make the picture complete, it is Roy who helped me through the very difficult time with Robin. It is Roy who gave me back my will to live. It is Roy who made me see that there is a life after losing a loved one. I am so proud of him ! You should be grateful to him that I am still here.
The silence was deafening once again. Rose couldn't stand it and got up, said a polite (but ice-cold) thank you to Roy and left the house. My mother and father took that opportunity to do the same. We were left alone with Regina who desperately tried to find excuses for their behavior.
-Don't try to make it better Sis, I said, they finally showed their true selves and I am almost ashamed I introduced them to Roy. I thought we had a family and I see I am wrong. I guess I will have to make a huge effort to forgive them and it will take time, but one thing is crystal clear to me: I will not forget their words. I will never forget !
We talked and talked although I realized it was useless. The whole atmosphere was loaded with negativity. Once Regina was gone, I started to clean up, but Roy prevented me to do so. He took me by the hand and dragged me to the bedroom where he undressed me and told me to lay down on the bed while he took his clothes off. He went to the bathroom and came back with a bottle of massage-oil. I was laying face down and he straddled my ass, poured a nice amount of oil on my back and started a sensual rubdown. Did I already mention he has magic in his hands ? Well, he does. He started at my shoulders and worked his way down my back, sensually. There was nothing sexual in his behavior. He just massaged me from head to toes, rubbing out all the possible negative energy I had in me. He worked on my body for the longest time and I relaxed under his touch, so much... that I fell asleep.
When I opened my eyes, it was already dark outside. Roy was laying next to me, spooning me with his arm over my chest. He felt me move and pressed his body to mine even more. I turned around so I could see his face. His eyes were once again filled with love and he had a nice smile while looking back at me. I gave him a little kiss on his lips and started to say I was sorry, but he stopped me, putting a finger over my mouth.
-Don't apologize Al ! There is nothing to apologize about.
-But...
-No buts ! You didn't do anything wrong, believe me. The only thing you did was vehemently defend our love and I can't be more grateful for you doing that. I really felt you were there for me, proving to the world I am special to you. I have never felt like that in my whole life... NEVER ! I have never felt so loved. So, please, don't apologize !
That was the most beautiful love declaration I had ever heard. I kissed him trying to put all the gratitude I had in that kiss. That kiss woke-up our hormones. How could it be different ? We were pressed together and our cocks grew simultaneously till they were both hard as steel. In silence we expressed our feelings for each other. There was no doubt about our love and we showed it with our bodies, using tongue, hands and intimate skin contact. We made love like never before because we heard and felt what the other was thinking. We used the edging technique to last as long as possible. We couldn't get enough of it. For hours we gave each other pleasure in all possible ways. I penetrated Roy but avoided to ejaculate because I wanted to feel him inside of me as well. We tried almost all the possible positions described in the Gay Kamasutra. It was like a real work-out, spiced with sexual intentions and satisfaction. In one word, it was wonderful.
Our cocks were so hard for so long that it almost hurt, although it was a pleasurable pain. They were so sensitive that the slightest touch took our breath away. At some times it was as if our hearts were going to burst out of our chests. We then took it a bit slower till a new energy overwhelmed us. One moment I was on all fours with Roy pumping furiously in me and the next he was on his back with his legs high in the air while I plowed his ass. We went on and on till we were both so worked up that it became difficult to keep our juices in our balls. The pressure in them became too much and it was while we were just frotting that we both exploded in an enormous orgasm and ejaculated our juices, coating our bellies and chests with a huge amount of semen. Our lovemaking had been so exhausting that we fell asleep in each other arms, not even bothering to switch off the lights.
In the morning, after taking our shower, I noticed that the previous day, while I was sleeping, Roy had cleaned up everything. You couldn't even guess we had had some guests. I thanked him profusely and at the same time I couldn't avoid to think about what had occurred the day before. Roy told me to forget about it for the moment, even before I said what was on my mind. Yes, we were really connected and I caught myself thinking that I had not had such a strong connection with Robin, although we loved each other dearly. It was undeniable that Roy was right when he told me there were not two loves that were the same. I tried to remember clearly what he told me, that each person is unique and has a different way to love and be loved. It made me feel safe with him and the nagging feeling of our beginnings, where I was afraid to compare him to Robin, faded away each day a little more.
Roy had other great ideas and one of them was to frame a picture of Robin, together with a picture of Roy's late husband. That frame came on the mantle piece in the living room. All the other pictures of Robin surreptitiously disappeared and were replaced by pictures of Roy and me. He did it in such a discreet way that I almost didn't notice it, but it made me happy nonetheless. In autumn, just before it would get crazy again at the medical center and that work for him slowed down a little, Roy booked us in a gay-friendly resort in the middle of nowhere. It was really secluded and to quite high standards regarding the resort itself and its restaurant. Apart from getting delicious meals and a wonderful decorated room with ensuite bathroom, we went to walk a lot in the quiet nature surrounding the resort. At first, I thought that we would just walk, admiring the wonderful nature and relax, but Roy was quite talkative. In the peaceful surroundings it seemed easier to talk as we didn't meet a soul. Most of the time we would be hand in hand and enjoying what's called an Indian summer.
Roy had that ability to express whatever was on his mind without any restriction. He was really an open book that he read out loud for me to hear and understand. I was still discovering things about him that made me appreciate him and yes, love him even more. He had not had an easy youth, being kicked out of his parental house when caught in the act by his mother. He was only sixteen at the time, but already mature for his age and was firmly decided to not let himself down or be overwhelmed by that awkward situation. He worked hard, starting with the odd jobs to be able to feed himself and sleeping on benches in the park in summer. He was determined to make something of his life and after the odd jobs, studied a lot, not allowing himself any free time. He had to get a degree. That was his goal and he reached it with the help of a few teachers who saw his real potential. He even got a job as a cleaner in a gay bathhouse where he could shower every day and use the washing machine to always have proper appearance and clean clothes.
It was at the end of his studies that he met his husband who offered him his first real job. It was years later that he started his company to build swimming pools. He could truly say he was a self-made man. Talking about his difficult past, it reminded me how easy my life had been with my parents supporting me all the time and allowing me to become the doctor I was. I told him that.
-You see Al, that's why you shouldn't stay angry with your parents and Rose. Yes, they made mistakes, but don't we all ?
I was flabbergasted. My parents and Rose had shown nothing else but hostility towards him and yet, he wanted to forgive them and forget the incident. That was why I admired him so much. He knew the power of forgiving, something I still had to learn. I hadn't heard anything from them after that famous Sunday lunch and my pride prevented me to call them.
-You showed me how much you love me by coming up for me. If you think about it, I was the offended party there and I already forgave them. We both know how short life can be, how everything can be taken away from us. You only have one father and one mother, don't forget that and in a logic situation they will leave this world before you do, but you don't know when. It can be in thirty or forty years time, but it can also be tomorrow or just now while we speak...
We walked on in silence till he opened his mouth again !
-I never told you a lot about my husband because it is still painful for me to do so, just like you almost never talk about Robin. What I can say is that my husband was not very talkative. I really had to make serious efforts to get him to tell me about what was on his mind or in his heart. The day he died, I cried a lot because I new there were still so many unspoken words between us. He always said that I could feel what he thought and in a certain way he was right, but there are so many things you just want to hear from the person you love. Sometimes it can seem unimportant things, till you realize you will never hear those words and that you can only assume that he would say them... maybe. That's why I talk to you so much Al ! I want to be sure you know everything about me, what happened to me in the past, what's going on in my mind on a daily basis. I know that you know that I love you, but I won't get tired of saying it. Open-up Al ! Tell your parents you love them before it is too late.
I wondered where he got his wisdom from, but then again, living on the streets and struggling for you life and your future, help you grow and maybe have a different view on life itself. That weekend away did us a lot of good as we could relax and talk openly. Yes, it was Roy who did most of the talking and the only way to make him shut up was to kiss him. What he was saying was always interesting and of importance, but the kisses we shared were equally important. In my life I had seen a lot of people kissing and in many occasions it looked like something automatic or even something they thought they had to do. With Roy, every kiss was meaningful, expressing something that was deep inside of him. With time, I learned to feel every kiss I gave or received, finding a way that prevented me to kiss by pure routine and Roy didn't hesitate to tell me that bit by bit he felt that my kisses were more meaningful. It was not strange, wherever we were, that we would kiss passionately, without the slightest shame even when surrounded by hundreds of people. Anyway, when we kissed we entered a world of our own and our surroundings vanished in a split second. When it was in public, we were lucky enough to never have the slightest comment, except for the occasional "get a room guys".
After that get away weekend I fully understood the meaning of "happiness". Happiness in itself was only an abstract word. There were only moments of happiness and Roy and I tried to collect as much of these moments and one of them was when Roy asked me if I would mind that he would move in completely and sell or rent-out his place.
Guess what ! I said yes to join our lives completely.
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