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When your cellphone rings at 5am in the morning and that you see a caller ID you dreaded, you know it is not good news. That was exactly what happened to me. The caller ID was the hospital where Robin was. Before I even took the call, I knew what it was. Robin had obtained what he was looking for. I woke Roy up and we went immediately.
The psychiatrist was there despite the early hour. During the night check they had found Robin's unanimated body. There was no reason for his death and an autopsy was requested. They found no substances that could have caused his death. They couldn't do anything else to conclude that he had a perfect healthy body. The cause of his death was a total mystery and therefor, the police was involved. It was not a natural death. Being the only heir of Robin, I was suspected and was interrogated during hours and hours, till they were convinced I was NOT a murderer. Roy was interrogated as well and was released, just like I was.
For the second time, we had to attend a funeral. I contracted Rachel's lawyer to settle all there was to settle and once again he did a wonderful job. I was not prepared to make the same mistake Robin had made. I vowed to not let myself enter a depressive state, although I had all the reasons to do so. Yes, I mourned my husband and was blessed to have a total support from Robin's father, brother and sister, but the one who was constantly at my side was Roy. He didn't try to take Robin's place in my heart. He was just there for whatever I needed and most of the time I just needed to talk and talk. I had to exorcise what was in me. I had to express the pain I felt.
It was strange that I had to come to the conclusion I had been prepared for that moment. I didn't understand why Robin had left this world. I couldn't find any valid reason, except that he missed his sister so damned much. It was impossible for me to understand what went on his head that was so much more important than what was in his heart. We loved each other so much. Why did he let himself die ? I had about a million questions in my head and they all came down to that one question : why ?
Roy became my shadow ! He was so scared I would follow Robin's example by being depressed and not caring about life anymore. I had given all my time to Robin and realized I had neglected Roy who was at my side all the time and who took care of me, letting me mourn, but also cheered me up when possible. He said he was so happy when he saw me smile, because Robin hadn't smiled a single day since Rachel went. I tried to give him as much smiles as I could to reassure him and showing him I was not going to give up on life.
I went back to work just to change my mind and it helped. The result was that I worked more and more and once again neglected Roy. It was not that Roy became my boyfriend, although I had to admit it had come up in my mind. It made me think about the last words of Rachel who saw love between Robin, Roy and me. Now that Robin was gone, did it change the feelings I had before ? I always considered Roy as a best friend with sometimes some benefits, that was true. Roy and I slept together almost every night, but it was just sleeping even if we were pressed against each other. Roy respected my loss and never did a first step sexually.
I started, bit by bit, to see Roy with different eyes. Ok... ok... It took several weeks before I allowed that. It was a night Roy had said he was sleeping at his place that my mind started to wonder. He had no obligation to sleep with me, but it started to bother me when he was not there. Being alone in the house, with a deafening silence, worked seriously on my state of mind. I thought back to the last time I had been alone like this and it was before I met Robin. At that time I had no romantic attachment to anybody. It was more, I didn't even know what it was to live with somebody under the same roof. I was so tempted to call Roy and ask him to come over. I didn't as I didn't want to impose on him. There must have been a kind of telepathy between us, because it was Roy who called me, once again worried about how I felt. I said I was all right although it was a lie and he detected it immediately. Not even fifteen minutes later I heard him coming in. It was totally inadequate to lie to Roy. He had a sixth sense to detect lies and I spilled the beans. The nagging question I had, came out maybe a bit harsher than what I wanted.
-Why is it that you want to sleep at your place Ray ?
He had a little smile on his face, meaning he didn't take the question the wrong way.
-I do it for quite an easy reason. Let me explain. Sleeping with you is difficult because I want to touch you, I want to make love with you and I don't do it because I respect your mourning. To take away some sexual frustration, from time to time, I sleep at my place to be able to masturbate and release some sexual tension in my body. I won't masturbate with you by my side.
I hadn't thought about that and I saw the logic in it. Rationally seen it was understandable. I hadn't shown any sexual interest in him since Robin's depressive state and Roy had respected that. He was a true Friend. I didn't know if I was prepared to make love again. On the other hand, I would never know it if I didn't try. It was not that Roy was a stranger ! With Robin we had had quite a few threesomes and we had always enjoyed it. Roy and I were certainly compatible in that field, but how would it be with just the two of us ? We had never done that before. I mentioned my concern out loud.
-Before that first time, on the edge of the swimming pool, I had thought of having sex with you or with Robin, although never thought about a threesome. My experience up to that day was exclusively one-on-one sex with my late husband. It came as a surprise to me that I was so daring to have both of you at the same time. Today, things are different Al. We are both widowers. We are in very similar situations. I always told my late husband that my partner in life had to be my best Friend. I think we are already that, aren't we ?
I had to nod as he was right. We were indeed in similar situations and already best Friends. What was it that prevented us to take our relationship one step further ? Nonetheless, I was concerned and said so.
-I am afraid I will compare you to Robin. I know you are not him. I know that we shared sexual activities and they were fantastic. Will it be the same without Robin ? I know... I know... he is not here anymore, but he is still in my heart !
-Do you think he is not in mine ? Or that my husband is not in my heart ? They both are and will always be. Nobody asks us to forget our husbands and there is no reason to do so ! I will have mine in my heart till the day I die and I guess you will have Robin in your heart for the same amount of time. But, we have to face the facts that they are not here anymore and we are. We have the right to live and to love. Nobody can ever hold that against us and if you think you will compare me to Robin, just do it because I will be flattered that you do.
I really needed those words.
-But... sorry to say so, I don't love you the way I loved Robin...
-Do you really think you can love two different people the same way ? I don't think so Al. Every human being is unique and the way they love or are loved is always different. I will never ask you to love me like you loved Robin. If you can love me for who and what I am, I will be more than happy ! My husband loved me to the moon and back and I will never expect anyone to love me the same way. I love you Al ! I love you for who you are and it has nothing to do with my late husband. Let's just be ourselves Al... no more, no less !
I couldn't hold it anymore and I took Roy's face in my hands and kissed him with every fiber in my body. I gave myself over to this wonderful man who made me see that I didn't have to forget anybody. The important thing was to leave some doors open. Roy responded my kiss with an undeniable passion. He was showing me what I meant to him and I desperately tried to show him what he was for me. Our mouths were glued together and out tongues danced in them. It was obvious that Roy didn't want to make the first step, but now that I had, it triggered the wakening of a whole bunch of emotions. I finally understood that I didn't have to feel guilty about making love to Roy. Robin had abandoned life itself and consequently me. I was free to live and to love again and even if I still had a few doubts, I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I took Roy by the hand and dragged him to the bedroom. We resumed our kissing while our hands started to roam over the other's body. Our hips were pressed together and the obvious signs of excitement were there. I thought about the fact that it was my first hard-on after Rachel's death and yes, it felt so good. Roy opened my shirt while I tried to pull his T-shirt over his head. It was not the first time I saw his bare chest, but nonetheless it felt like it. It had been so long since I felt skin against my skin, chests pressed together while we were kissing, hips pushing strongly into each other. Belts were unbuckled and trousers opened. They fell around our ankles and we stepped out of them. I marveled at the sight of this gorgeous naked man in the tiny¡test white briefs that couldn't confine the enormous erection inside of it. I wanted Roy ! I wanted him completely and even if the tiny briefs excited me, I had to have him naked and being able to touch him everywhere. I caressed his erection through the cotton of the briefs, causing him to produce precum that made a wet spot where the tip of his cock was.
I sat on the edge of the bed with Roy standing between my legs. My hands were on his buttocks, pulling him closer to me till my nose was so close to his crotch that I could inhale his manly fragrance. He put his thumbs in the waistband of his briefs, lowering them teasingly slow. The elastic waistband gave away and his cock jumped in the air, finally freed from its confinement. His cock-head was already glistening with his precum. I licked it, fondly remembering his taste. I opened my mouth wide and let his stiffness enter between my lips. It felt soft and warm and easily glided over my tongue to reach my throat. I closed my mouth, wrapping my lips around his shaft, sucking him in as far as it would go, till my nose was buried in his neatly trimmed pubes. My hands pressed on his buttocks to avoid him to withdraw. Roy's hands were on my head, keeping it in place while he gently moved in and out of my mouth.
Although we had had some threesomes, with Roy alone it was like something new, something to discover. His shaft caressed my lips as he moved his hips, leaving just the cock-head inside of my mouth and then thrusting in again. I caught myself thinking it was really romantic how he did his best to please me while enjoying himself as well. He gently pushed me on my back and pulled my briefs off. I pulled myself up to be completely on the bed. He came to lay on me, covering my body with his' and kissing me once again. He alternated soft kisses with other rougher ones, eating out my mouth like I did his. Roy intertwined his fingers with mine and I thought it had a symbolic meaning that we were bonding together. He kept my hands in his, pinning them above my head while covering me with kisses all over my face and neck, going down on my chest and nibble at my nipples. His main goal was to wake-up my hormones and he was doing a damned good job, even more when he licked my armpits and that made me moan out loud.
Our fingers disentangled as he was traveling down my body. He was eager to reach my genitals that he took in his warm mouth, wrapping his soft lips around my shaft and engulfing my manhood to the root, bobbing up and down on it with gusto. I asked him to turn around so I could return the favor and with agility he did, presenting his steel-hard cock in front of my face. I always loved a good 69 and hungrily swallowed his erection down my throat. I had not forgotten how to pleasure a man sucking his cock and soon found back some of the best sensation I could physically feel. We stayed in that position for quite some time, lavishing cocks and balls and munching on our taints on our way to asses and rosebuds. A good 69 of asses can make you adopt strange positions where you really have to stretch and I thought it was more than worth it when I smelled the clean and musky scent of Roy's ass. It reminded me of fond memories in the past when I discovered his fragrance and thought I could get addicted to it.
We played with our asses with tongues and lips, adding fingers to the game and soon enough I could feel Roy's fingers entering my ass as I was doing the same to him. He found my prostate and rubbed it, knowing what the immediate effect would be. I couldn't possibly stay behind and abused his'. We were both moaning in pure pleasure and I could feel that the rubbing of our chests got easier with the amount of precum we were producing. I couldn't concentrate on eating Roy's ass out as the pleasure he was giving me was so intense. I begged him to turn around and penetrate me. His mouth didn't leave my ass while he acrobatically changed position and got on his knees between my legs that he held into the air, opening my nether regions very wide apart. My hole was as wet as possible and he added some of his precum that was still oozing out of his cock-head, rubbing my hole and looking for the best angle to enter me.
With soft little thrusts, he urged my sphincter muscles to let him in. I relaxed as much as I could, grabbing the sheets till my knuckles were white, expecting the initial pain to kick-in. Roy found the perfect angle and breached my hole. There was a burning sensation, but not real pain. His cock-head disappeared in me, inch by inch till he found my joy-button and pushed on it. I cried out loud in pure ecstasy. Once he was completely in, Roy fell back, sitting on his heels and pulling me with him. He was agile enough to bend down and take my cock-head in his mouth while he was deeply embedded in my ass. That was too much for me and I felt my balls retract in my lower abdomen to then fill his mouth with my juices. My body was taken over by pleasure convulsions. I had never orgasmed like that. Even after the last spurt, my cock stayed hard and Roy went on sucking it while starting some in and out movements with his hips. At each thrust he continued abusing my joy-button and I couldn't get enough of it although I had already climaxed. Roy was pounding me with frenzy and I tried very hard to use my ass-muscles on his shaft, squeezing them on each outgoing movement and releasing them when he thrusted in. His breathing was ragged and he was sweating profusely. He was like a jack-hammer and when he thrusted in very deep and suddenly stood still, I could feel the spasms in his cock and knew he was filling my bowels. When empty, he collapsed on me, kissing me passionately while trying to recover his breath.
Both our cocks deflated and his' left my hole. He slipped off of me and laid down on my side with his head on my chest, caressing my sweaty body as far as his hands could reach. He then looked up at me.
-I think we urgently need a shower.
And that was what we did, using quite some shower-gel so that our hands would glide over our bodies with ease. He fondled my genitals till they were hard again and then turned around and pushed his ass on my cock that was rock-hard. It seemed he was in need of feeling me inside of him, as if he absolutely wanted the connection that would tell him we were in perfect communion. I didn't know where I found the strength to satisfy him like that, but I did while furiously masturbating him. I came in him while his juices were drained away by the cascading water. Thoroughly washed and clean, we stepped out of the shower and dried each other off to then return to the bed, laying down and enjoying the afterglow of very satisfying lovemaking, enjoying a comfortable silence. We fell asleep like that.
In the morning we had a repeat session of what we had done the previous night, pleasing ourselves, switching places and concentrating on giving as much pleasure as we possibly could. We didn't say a word, but exchanged feelings with our actions. It was only after a first coffee that we found back our ability of speech although there was still not a lot to say. We were both absorbed by our inner feelings, not finding the appropriate words to express them. The things we said were just small talk about what we had on our planning. We dressed and were ready to leave the house to go to work. Just before opening the door, Roy took me in his arms and gave me a wet kiss that I returned, of course.
-Whoever is first home, starts dinner ? Roy asked.
I smiled because it meant that he was staying with me that evening. I guessed he wouldn't have to go home to masturbate. I smiled and nodded.
At the medical center, Roberta immediately saw that my mood was better and she seemed genuinely happy for me that I was getting over Robin's death. She didn't hesitate to say so directly in my face. I had to laugh at her directness. She had always been like that. Then she came back to the reality of business. Yes, even a medical center is a business.
-I think you will have to talk to our newest doctor, she said. I heard him having some not so nice words about gays and it could lead to problems in the future.
I was quite surprised, but then again, I hadn't known the new doctor very well as I had been quite absent with all that happened in my private life. I first talked with Randy about it who confirmed what Roberta had told me, adding that Ray had been the subject of a kind of hate-speech. To be sure to have all the necessary information, I caught Ray between two patients to ask him. Once again I received a confirmation. It was something that was not acceptable at all. I called for an emergency meeting. Despite his homophobic hatred, the new doctor was a professional and did a good job and I was not looking forward to end his contract. Randy and Ray insisted on his professional skills, but were really bothered about his attitude towards gays. I called the new doctor into my office and started innocently.
-So... how are you doing ?
-Very well, he said, happy to be here and doing what I studied for.
-That's good to hear, I said, but... were you absent when you had the course about the genes in the human body ?
He looked quizzically at me, not understanding what I meant or where the conversation was going and didn't answer directly.
-I heard that you made some despicable comments about gay people.
His smile disappeared instantly and I went on.
-I guess you didn't follow the course about genes as it is proven that homosexuality is due to certain genes in the body. Gay people don't choose to be gay. They are, point final. If you can't live with that, I guess you have no place here in this medical center. We expect our doctors to be tolerant and understanding. Why is it you can't do it ?
He kept silent and I could see he was quite upset with what I told him. He was on the verge of getting really angry. I didn't expect what he said next.
-I thought we were living in a free country where everybody has the right to think what he wants. Being gay is a sin, it is not natural.
-We are indeed in a free country and indeed, you can have your opinion. In this medical center we have two gay doctors and quite a lot of gay patients. If your opinion can't match the criteria of being tolerant and accepting the people like they are, I guess you have no place here.
I looked him straight in the eyes while saying that, letting him know I was deadly serious.
-If your religious beliefs are like that, I accept, but you can't expect the universe to adapt to your ignorance. You have two choices here. First, you adapt to the universe and to the scientific approach of things or... you open your own medical center at the church you so believe in. There are enough doctors who would be more than happy to take your job here. It is up to you and I want an answer NOW.
His face was red with anger. The knuckles on his fists were white. That was already an answer for me. He kept silent but was boiling inside.
-Your attitude and your silence is more than an answer to me. I will kindly ask you to leave this center and not coming back. You are fired and the national medical counsel will be warned about it. Have a good day !
He left, but something deep inside of me told me we would hear about him in the future.
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