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-Why does she always have to behave like that ? What right does she have to think hers are the only good decisions? Why can't she take no for an answer ? Jeez... I hate it when she does that. I didn't think that a happy event like a wedding would cause problems.
After his tears, Robin became really angry and I could even hear it in his voice.
-Al... Tell me if I am wrong. Is it OUR wedding or not ?
-Yes, Robin, it is.
-Do we have the right to decide how we want it ?
-Yes, Robin, we decide.
-You know Al ? I really want to cancel everything. Why don't we just go the two of us to town-hall, with just each our witnesses and have it our own way ? We can invite a few of our close friends for a meal and that's it ! No discussion, no wasted money ! Just a cosy and enjoyable day in an intimate atmosphere with people we love and who love us.
-I can live with that, I said, but we are punishing people who are not responsible at all for your mother's behavior. I can understand that her behavior makes you want to exclude her, but all the other ones have nothing to do with it. Do you think it is fair ?
-Let's call it collateral damage. Really Al ... it is the consecration of our love and not a source of trouble. We know we don't need a paper to prove that we love each other. If we do it, it is just to have no trouble at the moment that something happens to us. The last time, when you were in hospital, if your father had not said we were already married, I wouldn't have had a chance to see you. That is why we need that paper for, to protect ourselves and not to prove to anybody what we have together.
I agreed wholeheartedly with him and therefor didn't need festivities or anything of the kind. I felt a bit sorry for my mother who wanted to see a nice ceremony. I was sure that once I explained it to her, she would understand. Maybe she wouldn't agree, but she would understand. Just like me, she hated arguments and quarrels and would do anything to avoid them.
It was only two days later that Robin came home with a paper from town-hall, confirming our wedding date in a few weeks time. He had also reserved a restaurant for the two of us, Rudolf as his witness and Randy as mine and then our closest friends, meaning Ricky and Ramses, Roberta, Ray and Rafael. I was still a bit sad for all the other people who were on our initial guest list although I perfectly understood his point of view. We could always invite them at an after-wedding party if the need arose.
The following week it was Robin's sister Rita who tried to arrange things between Robin and his mother. Robin was inflexible. He said that all what his mother had prepared was totally unnecessary as there would be no big wedding because he wasn't prepared to give-in on his mother's behavior. If they had a common point, it was surely stubbornness. He stuck to his point of view that a wedding was a happy event and not a reason to argue. He wouldn't allow his mother to interfere.
-Robin, you know how she is, Rita said.
-Yes, indeed, I know and that is the reason why I left home in the first place. She will have absolutely nothing to say or decide concerning my wedding.
His tone of voice didn't leave anything to doubt about his intentions and Rita had no other choice than to abandon her attempt to arrange things.
On our big day, the weather was absolutely beautiful with a bright sun and an immaculate blue sky. In town-hall it was merely a formality that was over in less than ten minutes. We were officially husbands in the eyes of the law. Just before we entered the restaurant, Robin received a message on his phone. It was from his mother. I urged him NOT to read it because my intuition told me that it was going to be a nasty message again. Robin agreed and put his phone away. With our friends we had a wonderful meal and it was a joyful event with a lot of laughter and all smily faces. We were happy although deep inside of me, I was a bit sad for some people I was missing at the table. I wasn't going to mention it to Robin right away, but thought about what Ramses and Ricky had told us about talking things out. I would wait till a later moment to talk it over with my husband. It was necessary to do so as we were now husbands and wouldn't allow small things getting bigger.
We didn't go on a honeymoon. It was not the right time to do so, because of work and so on. We had plans to make a trip later in the year and Rudolf graciously offered use a free ride on a plane to go wherever we wanted. We would certainly take his offer seriously. In the afternoon, after the lunch, Ricky took us to the nearby park in town and used his professional skills, shooting hundreds of pictures. There were pictures with just us two and then a few surrounded with all our friends. It would make a wonderful memory of this glorious day.
It was late in the evening when we got home. It was at that moment that Robin checked his phone and found the message of his mother.
"I advise you to come to your senses and let me organize your wedding"
There wasn't even a "hello" or a signature. Just that awful order from his authoritarian mother. She had once again managed to ruin our evening, without knowing. Robin was furious and texted her back.
"We were married today. We didn't need you"
It was a bit harsh, but had the big advantage of being as clear as water. I didn't intervene in this matter between Robin and his mother. Even if he was now my husband, I didn't think it was wise to give my opinion. Yes, I realized I was holding back something more and that was not healthy for our couple. I didn't want to spoil our day. I just wanted to go to bed and make love with my husband. We went to the bedroom and undressed each other. Robin was very much affected by his mother's message and his own response. It was bothering him that much that even with my kissing and fondling him, he couldn't get an erection !
-OK my dear husband ! Let's sit in the living room and talk.
He silently followed me and I served us both a stiff drink.
-Now Robin, spill the beans.
He took a while to gather his thoughts as he knew I wouldn't let him go. We had to talk about it as it was bothering him so much more than what he imagined himself. In all the time we had been together, it was the absolute first time Robin couldn't get an erection. That meant that his mind was somewhere else and it affected me as I wanted to make love. With a flaccid cock it was not possible and with an absent mind even less.
-I don't know where to start, Robin said.
-Go back as far as necessary Robin, I am not going anywhere. I am here for you just like you have always been here for me. You know you can tell me anything and I won't judge you or condemn you.
-I know it was my idea, but I missed quite some people at the lunch table.
I was so happy that he was conscious of it and that I didn't have to bring it up.
-You remember that I was talking about collateral damage ? There is no collateral damage. I damaged myself with my stupid pride. You asked me if it was fair to exclude everybody because of my mother and now, too late, I realize it was not fair and I feel bad about it. Actually, I entered my mother's game where I should have avoided it. I gave her once again the power over me and it makes me mad. I had sworn I would never allow her to do what she did while I was living at my parental house, but she got to me once again. I hate myself for not being stronger and come-up for myself and for us. I even start to think my mother is an evil woman and I am afraid we haven't heard the last of it.
-Robin, listen to me... You know we love to play chess, right ? Well, a discussion is a game of chess. When you say something it is the same as moving a piece on the chess board. If I don't make any move after that, you are blocked, right ? You can't go on as long as I don't move. It is the same in a discussion because if I don't answer you, you'll be blocked as well. I think it would be wise to learn to keep silent when you are in such a situation. Your mother sent a message. If you had not answered it, she would be blocked and the conversation would automatically die.
-Why didn't you tell me that before I sent the message ?
-I didn't because I thought you knew what you were doing. The fact is that you are lost and make decisions that are not appropriate. I didn't know that only a few minutes ago. You opened my eyes in that aspect and I thank you for it. I was missing some people at our wedding table as well. I vowed to talk to you about it, but thought it would be better to let a few days pass. Time can heal so many things and de-dramatize others. Now that you mentioned it, it seems the perfect time to bring it up.
-You didn't say anything before the wedding...
-Indeed, I didn't ! You know how much I love you and I would do almost anything to see you happy, even when I know you are making a mistake. We learn from of our mistakes. You seemed so happy with a very intimate and friendly wedding that I wanted to grant your wish. I erased myself a bit and I know that was my mistake. We are humans and we are not perfect, but we love each other and we can talk about the errors we make. That is our strength.
-What do you think I should do about my mother ?
-She is your mother, not mine and you know her better than I do. When I see how she affects you and indirectly affects me, I would say, if you can, to ignore her completely till she realizes what she is losing. If she is too proud to see that for herself, let it be. You told me you left your parent's house because of her. Remember that no-one changes, except when they need something. She has always been like that and even your sister Rita said so. Think about it when she changes her behavior.
-Can we go to bed and can you hold me ? I need to feel safe in your arms...
That was we did. I held him as tight as I could till I heard him softly snoring. He was sleeping but not resting. From time to time he was shaken by convulsions. I caressed him, trying to calm him down in his dreams or nightmares. I didn't fall asleep right away as my mind was working at the speed of light. With the total silence in the house and the warmth of Robin's body against mine, plus the excitement of our day, I closed my eyes.
I was woken by the doorbell. I looked at the alarm-clock and saw it was just over 8am. I pulled on a jeans and went to open the door. Somewhere I dreaded it would be Robin's mother, but it wasn't. It was his father.
-Good morning Al... Is Robin home or did he already leave for work ?
-We are off today. I'll call Robin as he is still in bed.
-Sorry to bother you so early. I need to talk to him.
-You're not bothering at all...
Just when Robin came out of the bedroom, his phone once again announced an incoming message and yes, it was once again of his mother. It was a very short message at that.
"BASTARD"
Robin showed the message to his father.
-Is that the way a mother should talk to her son ?
-Can I have a coffee and a shot of Brandy ? I think I will need it.
Robin's father sat at the kitchen island.
-First of all guys, Congratulations with your wedding ! I am very proud of you and wish you a lot of happiness. I think you did a great job by having a wedding like you wanted and not your mother. She just wanted to be the star of your wedding and that was not acceptable. The stars of a wedding are the newly weds and no-one else.
He gathered his thoughts as I guessed the following part would be a bit more difficult.
-After receiving your message that you were already married, she went ballistic. It is better that you were not there and I won't repeat the hatred that came out of her mouth. It was awful. I told her several times to stop acting like that, but you know her. She went on and on and on. I couldn't hear it anymore and for the first time since we are married, I stood up against her. My God ! I didn't know she could be like that. More hate and insults were uttered with venom I didn't know existed. The more she rattled on, the more she put me off. I didn't recognize her anymore. I just realized I couldn't live with her anymore. I pushed her aside, went to our bedroom and threw a maximum of clothes in a suitcase. I booked myself into a hotel and I have no intention at all to go back.
Robin went livid when he heard his father talk. He went over to him and hugged him. They stayed like that for the longest time.
-I have already told Ryan and Rita and even asked them to drop by here, because there is more...
Jeez ! What else would come our way ? We would soon know as the doorbell rang for the second time that morning. Ryan and his boyfriend, as well as Rita came in. They hugged their father and then congratulated us for our wedding. The news was traveling fast.
-Dad ? Are you sure about what you're doing ? Rita asked.
-Oh yes ! I think it is the first time in my life that I am so sure about something ! I have taken enough of her and won't do it anymore. For the first time in my life I feel really free. I don't care about the house as it reminds me too much of bad things and of HER. I hated the decoration anyway...
He said that with a kind of smile that expressed relief. Rita was a bit concerned about her father being in a hotel. Ryan, Robin and Rita all three said that he was welcome to stay at their place, in unison.
-I love all three of you so much, he said, but you all have your own life now, just like I have to re-build mine. The hotel is a temporary thing. I saved quite some money without your mother knowing it, so I can afford a nice apartment and even furnish it. Don't worry about me. But there is something else I have to tell you and that's why I asked you to gather here...
He seemed to have a difficult time, as if what he had to say needed a tremendous effort. He passed his hands several times over his face. Ryan, Rita and Robin started to look very worried. I made a sign to Ryan's boyfriend to come with me and leave them alone.
-No, their father said, don't leave. You have the right to know as well...
He was still hesitating to talk and became more and more nervous with each passing second.
-Your mother... is actually sterile and has always been.
The silence after that statement was deafening. The three children looked at their father quizzically.
-Your mother never wanted you to know, but you have all three been adopted. I think I owe you this explanation and I even think you should have known quite a long time ago. She was opposed to that and even threaten me if I ever told you. That is one of the reasons I feel free now and why I left her.
He took some papers from his pocket and handed each of his children one.
-If you ever want to find your biological parents, here you have the official papers that will allow you to do so.
The deafening silence reminded me of the bomb attack at the airport where I as a victim. Nobody said a word. They all let the information sink in. It was Ryan who broke the silence.
-I don't care who my biological parents are. Robin is my brother and Rita is my sister and as for you, you will always be my Dad. You raised us and provided all we needed to become what and who we are now and that will never change in my opinion.
-I now understand her last message, Robin said.
-What are you talking about ? Rita asked.
Robin took out his phone and showed the last message his mother had send him. He was just about to send a message back when I stopped him.
-Don't !!! Don't give her the importance and attention she is waiting for.
Robin looked at me and smiled. Instead of sending the message, he blocked his mother's number on Whatsapp, deleted all her messages and finally blocked her completely on his phone. The remaining members of the family did the same as they understood and agreed with what I said. I tried to lighten up de situation a little.
-Anybody wants some more coffee ?
I suspected they would all say yes and served them new mugs. To Robin's father I served another shot of Brandy. He deserved it.
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