Farewell
Saying I'm heartbroken was a major understatement. I had difficulty finding the right word for how I felt. I started to understand what Ben meant by a giant hand gripping my heart and crushing it. I had thought Mike was a viable choice before, but when I looked into my heart, I knew it had to be Ben. It was always Ben. Mike was only ever a choice when Ben wasn't available. And as a hopeless romantic, there was no second choice in love. You are either with the person you love, or not.
And yet, I seemed to have no choice. Ben had made up his mind. What was I going to do? I was more depressed than ever. Ben felt guilty, but there was nothing he could do. College life was coming to an end. Only two things remained: the year end party, and graduation. It seemed that my fate was sealed.
The year end party was supposed to be the highlight of the year. Every year Coach would throw us a party at his house. All the football guys were invited and they were encouraged to bring their girlfriends. As it turned out, it always ended up being a huge pool orgy. Every guy was fucking every girl in the pool. A lot of the girls were not their girlfriends, but party girls. Some of their fantasies were to be fucked by the entire football team, so it played to both sides. Every year it was wild, and everyone went crazy. Two things were unlimited at these parties: booze and condoms. Obviously the guys wouldn't miss this for anything.
The only people who were miserable seemed to be me and Ben. Even Mike was fucking some girl. He seemed pretty good at it, and being the new quarterback, he was the center of attention. Mike has asked me timidly before if I minded him joining the orgy. I told him to knock himself out. Without Ben I've stopped caring about anything.
Ben, on the other hand, was on the couch, drinking the whole time. Could he be sad for me? People asked him to join the fun but he refused. I was worried about him, as I watched him down whole bottles of alcohol. Someone tried to stop him but Ben told him to fuck off. Everyone left him alone. They thought he was depressed that Mike stole his spotlight. Little did they know... I went up to him and grabbed his bottle. He looked at me in anger and was about to cuss at me when he recognized me. There was so much guilt in his eyes as he let go of the bottle.
"Come on, Ben, I'll take care of you, just like before." I remembered the first time he was drunk. It was four years ago, at our initiation. That was the day he fucked me for the first time, and I will forever remember it. But it was only memory...
I wrapped his arm over my shoulder and carried him to the guest room. I lay him on the bed. "You've had enough to drink. You should get some rest." In his condition I thought he should better spend the night here. I knew Coach wouldn't mind.
I looked at his boyish face and masculine body. This was the man I loved for seven years, and in a few days, I was going to part with him. We may never see each other again. Tears began to fall.
I suddenly had the urge to tell him everything. In his drunken state, he may not remember, but I had to get it off my chest. "Ben, you are the only person I truly love. I knew we had trying times, but we also had great times. I knew I crossed the line when I said all those things about Jimmy and you, and it hurt you deeply, but I was only trying to help you get over him. I didn't know it would break us apart. If I could have you... I'm prepared to let everything go. I'm even prepared to share you with Josh. I appreciate everything you did with Mike, but Mike was not for me. I just... can't live without you. Please... please..."
My tears fell on his face. He felt it, and wiped it away. His hand lifted to wipe my eyes. "Don't cry... please... don't cry!" But his moment of clarity only lasted a few seconds. In his drunken state he soon passed out again.
I've said everything I wanted to say. I knew his answer and I didn't need to be told again, so I stood up to leave. As I turned, Ben yelled, "Wait, Rick! You are my best friend! Let's go home together."
He must be really drunk, I thought. But "let's go home together" struck deep in my heart. Ben tried to get up and I helped him. I drove him back. Seeing Ben drunk on the bed reminded me about the initiation, the pledging, the fateful night that started everything. It was very much like this. I sucked his cock that night with him drunk and unconscious. I wanted to have Ben one last time. I didn't know if I'd have that chance again. Only the graduation was left and we may never see each other again.
I kissed his forehead, his face, his body. I felt all over, caressing every inch of him. For tonight, he's all mine. I made love to him slowly. I took off his clothes and admired every contour of his muscles. The dim moonlight lit up his body, so soft, so sensual. His flesh felt hot. I took his hand and caressed my face with it. I wanted to feel his tender touch. Ever so slowly, I peeled off every piece of clothing he had. I massaged his magnificent cock and brought it to attention. I licked and sucked, savoring his taste. I took off my own clothes, grabbed his cock and lubed us up. I slid down his hard shaft in one smooth stroke, all the way to the hilt. My head was thrown back and I moaned in delight. His cock felt so good, so hot and thick, burning in my body. I was connected to him once more. I rode his cock in darkness. I was determined to take my time, to maximize the pleasure. I will ride him all night long.
Ben moaned and he writhed, but he didn't wake up. I watched as his body turned and his muscles flexed. I rested my hands on his chest. I massaged his nipples, those sensitive nipples that he otherwise wouldn't let me play with. He was moaning loudly, his body shaking. He was close. I didn't want it to end, but I was too excited. Watching him writhe in pleasure was too much for me. His body tightened and I knew that was it. He grabbed my butt and grunted loudly as his cum shot powerfully into my ass. His eyes were open momentarily. Was he awake? Will he remember this?
He kept moaning and grunting, until his orgasm subsided. He relaxed and his hands left my body. He looked so peaceful and content. I gently lifted myself off him. His cock glistened in his own cum. I bent down and licked him clean. I dressed him up carefully, exactly the way it was and pulled up the cover. I kissed his forehead again. And then, I went to sleep, satisfied.
Very soon, it was graduation. We exchanged numbers. Ben didn't say anything else, except keep in touch. Josh was there by his side. Mike was also there. He asked me to reconsider his offer. I told him I needed time to sort things out. He seemed sad, taking that as a no. But at that point, I had to be honest with myself. I cannot just forget about Ben and pretend I will be happy with Mike. That's not fair to him either. If I loved someone I had to give him 100%. I couldn't with Mike.
"I'll wait for you." Mike said. "If by the same time next year you still decide not to be with me, I'll move on." There were tears in his eyes. I was moved. I hugged him tightly and he whispered "I love you" in my ear. I told him I loved him, but I felt bad saying it.
Ben didn't know how to face me. Whenever he looked at me there was tremendous guilt in his eyes. I didn't want to burden him any further. In the end I walked away quietly, feeling more alone than ever.
So, that was it. Graduation. It's over. College life was over. We will go our separate ways, find jobs, settle down, get married... only my future looked bleak. I didn't know where to go next.
The following weeks and months I seemed to drift by. I thought about Mike's offer. Will I take it? Will I be able to get over Ben in a year and be with Mike? I didn't know. I still hadn't let go of Ben. I tried calling him a few times, but each time there was no answer. Sometimes it seemed he intentionally cut the line. I left several messages but there was no reply. I figured he didn't want to see me again.
On the day exactly one year from graduation, I got a call from Mike. He asked to meet. I met him at a local coffee shop. He has driven a hundred miles to see me. He had a beard now and he seemed more mature. He exuded confidence. He was so different from the Mike I knew before.
"I got into professional football." That was the first thing he said. There was a big smile on his face.
"Congratulations! I'm happy for you."
"Thanks. It wouldn't be possible without you, and Ben, of course."
"But it's also your own hard work."
"That's true." He sighed. "I worked my ass off." I looked at him. He seemed even fitter than before. He has gained more muscle mass, if that's even possible.
"So... what about you, Rick?"
I sighed. What about me? I've achieved nothing in the past year. I drifted from job to job, city to city. I was grieving inside. I was miserable. He looked at me with compassion.
"Still haven't got over Ben?" I nodded.
He looked deep into my eyes and said, "I wish you could love me like that."
I opened my mouth to say something, but I was speechless. I felt bad for him, but I really couldn't bring myself to love him, when I was still deeply in love with Ben.
"It's ok, I understand." Mike said softly. "That's what's great about you. You never stop loving. I just wish it could be me."
He paused. "I always wonder, if I didn't dump you..." His face was twisted in agony, "if I didn't so stupidly and selfishly choose my career over you, would we be together now?"
"It's too late for that, Mike. What's past is past."
His eyes were red. "So, Rick, I have to move on. Is it ok?"
"Of course. You should move on. I'm sorry to keep you waiting."
"You are worth it." He said simply. He stood up and opened his arms. We embraced, and he didn't want to let go.
"You will always have a special place in my heart, Rick."
"Same for you, Mikey, my Mikey bro." I couldn't even stop my tears from falling. It was the same for him.
"Goodbye, Rick."
"Goodbye, Mike. Take care, and I hope you find someone special."
"You too! All the best with Ben!" I forced a smile. Ben. He wouldn't even return my calls. We were supposed to be friends, but he wouldn't even talk to me. I felt tears rushing out uncontrollably.
At that point, I seemed to have lost everything. I felt empty. Did I make the right choice? It seemed that fate has decided that I was to be alone. This story would have ended very sadly, if it ended here, but as fate would have it, life seemed to be full of surprises.
That night, I got a call that would change everything.