Chapter 5
Alex-
"Wow," said Dean as he ogled an approaching girl.
It was around three in the afternoon and Jake, Dean and I were chilling after the lecture. It had been a rather hectic week due to the submission of assignments. I turned around and noticed that the girl was quite hot^Å for a straight. Being gay does not mean I can no longer recognize a beauty when I see one! She was well endowed with abundant curves and an envious figure. Black leather pants and jacket gave her image a boost. She did not look less than a movie star to me, except that she seemed to have something called brain. Pity she did not have the right equipment for me.
"Excuse me, you know someone named Alex?" she asked in an official tone at Jake who was next to me.
"Yes, it's^Å" I started but was immediately interrupted by none other than Dean.
"Of course, I know him. He's one of my friends. In fact I know almost everyone here. By the way, I'm Dean, at your service. And you are?" he said as he stepped closer to her with a cocky grin. It would have been dramatic to see, had he not done the same thing to dozens of other people.
"I'm Heather," she said as she shook his hand. It was pretty obvious that she was bored.
"Oh my God! It's the same name of my first crush. But^Å," he said, not leaving her hand. That's it- the line starting his long and sad love story!
"Hi, I'm Alex. I'm really sorry that you had to bear this lunatic," I said freeing us from dying of boredom.
"Oh, it's okay. I dealt with mental patients before and I understand what you go through everyday," she said with a smile coming closer to me. Poor Dean turned various shades of crimson as we laughed at his expense.
"I got to ask you something about Rick," she added seriously.
"Rick? I don't think that I'll be able to help you much. He has not called me since last Saturday and I have met him only a few times," I said. He had not phoned me since the dinner. He was probably angry against me for the little discussion we had. But I did not care! That's why I spent whole night waiting for his phone calls. And that's why everyday I went to the café in front of his office. And that's why I dreamed of him every night.
"I'm his assistant. And he has been absent the whole week," she said looking worried.
"What?" I said. Something serious might have happened. "You're hiding something Heather. Tell me everything."
"It's just that one of our colleagues saw him going to the hospital. I went at his place but it was closed both times. I thought that you would know something about him."
I just did not know what to say. Thousands of ideas went through my head, one worst than the others. Hospital! `It must be because of me. It's always because of me!' I thought miserably.
"If you meet him, tell him to phone me," she said soothingly and with a smile she added, "He loves you very much. He never talks about his dates or boyfriends but you mean a lot to him. He never stops talking about you. Give him a chance. Bye!"
One hour later, I was standing in front of Rick's apartment. I had no afternoon classes so I decided to drop in. I was really nervous about meeting him after one week. I pressed the door bell and waited.
"It's open. Come in!" I heard his voice say.
I entered and found him sitting on the couch watching TV. It was perhaps the first time I felt so much emotions at the same time- joy and tension about seeing him, relief that he was not covered in blood, anger that he did not phone me for one week, fear about what he will think of my sudden coming and finally anxiety and surprise that his right hand is in plaster.
"Hey, what a pleasant surprise! Have a seat. I'll make some coffee," he said with his same spellbinding smile rising from his seat.
"Thanks!" I said. He was wearing a red T-shirt and a pair of grey shorts. It was the first time I saw him in shorts and he did look nice in them. But right now, I was absorbed in his prowess about making coffee. He was right-handed but since his right hand was in plaster, he was managing with the left one. While trying to pour coffee in the cups, he ended pouring it in his shirt.
"Shit! It's the fifth I spoilt since the morning," he cussed.
"Let me do it. Go and change yourself meanwhile," I managed to convince him. Taking more time than normal, he reappeared, this time in an orange one. He looked quite grumpy.
"How come your hand is in plaster?" I asked as I handed him his cup.
"It was last Sunday when I was getting down. The silly cleaner forgot to tell me that the stairs were wet and obviously I slipped and fell right over my right hand. It got fractured," he said indignantly.
"Why you did not tell me?" I asked.
"Well, the last time you were not exactly happy with me. I thought you were angry with me and on top of that you did not even phone me," he said sadly.
"I was not angry with you!" I said shocked, "how can I be angry with someone for being frank? It's just that we thought differently. No one was at fault. In fact I was happy that you were yourself and not someone else just to please me. But you should have at least phoned me and tell me about your hand. You always say that we are special friends and you never make me feel so."
"I'm sorry. I should not have assumed too much."
"I'm sorry too. I'm equally at fault. It's just that I'm really worried for you. When I learnt you were hurt, I was really scared. I even thought that maybe the man at the restaurant hurt you," I said.
Catching the hurt look on my face, Rick came next to me and hugged me. I did not break free. I leaned on him and laid my head on his shoulder. It felt nice to have someone to care for you.
"Does it hurt much?" I said taking his right hand in mine.
"It hurts no more now that you have touched it, my angel," he said smiling. I could feel heat emanating from my cheeks and changed the subject:
"So you're trying to do everything left-handed? Why don't you hire a maid?" I asked as I resumed my seat on the other side of the couch. "You just got to ask your dad."
"Oh, I don't want to ask my dad for help. I want to be independent. Hiring a maid is not really cheap for me. So I've been trying most things left-handed. When not possible, I tried the right one. Not really easy if you ask me. I broke several plates and glasses in one week. More than half my clothes are at the laundry. And there's much more." Poor Rick! He looked really miserable and of course, I could not see him like that.
"Good, it's decided then. I'm staying here tonight but I'm taking the couch. And it's my final decision. After all, I'm your special friend. If you think that I'm doing yourself a favor, you can repay me later," I said rising from my seat. He looked stunned for some minutes but when he saw my determined face, he said with a sly smile "It is okay for me. As for favors, I got a really nice idea how to repay them. I'm really good at repaying favors, even the hardest' ones. In fact I love hard' favors."
He licked his lips and stared at me. I resembled a ripe tomato by that time. He smirked and I realized that he got what he wanted- to make me blush.
"You look really cute when you blush," he said with the same smirk. He's so cruel.
"You're suffering from the worst case of blue balls, Mr. Richard Grey. I think you tried the left hand but it did not work, did it?" I said. When I finished, he avoided my gaze. I burst into laughter as I realized that I had struck a point. "Stop flirting, Rick. It'll awaken your desires and make the matter worse," I said in a mock sympathetic voice as I patted him in the shoulder.
"Then, why don't you take care of the problem?" he asked with a glint in his eyes.
"Oh, I can but I don't think you would be able to repay my `hard' favors with your left hand. Come later!" I said as I went in the kitchen. It was pretty harsh from my part to taunt him but after all, he started it.
It was a nice comfy apartment. It had a kitchen, a bedroom, a study room, a `TV room' and the toilet-bathroom. It may sound like an average one but Rick had it well decorated. Perhaps, one of his friends did it. Strangely, I did not know any of his friends, except Heather but I met her only once. In fact I did not know very much on him- his family, his friends, his tastes and so on. Yet I had so strong feelings for him. Should I not know him more to love him?
The rest of the day passed in a similar way. I did some of the chores that were left pending like the laundry and the dishes. I prepared the dinner; I was not the best chef but I managed. Rick tried to help but all he got to do was handing a spoon and closing the tap. He was getting frustrated from the lack of work but I consoled him by saying that he needed rest. The night too was the same. After the dinner, we watched a movie, which coincidentally happened to be the favorites of both of us ^Ö the Secret of Brokeback Mountain. Jake looks so hot in the movie! As was previously decided I took the couch and Rick slept in his bedroom. He wanted to exchange but I did not hear a word. I admit I'm pretty stubborn.
The next day, that is Saturday, I had to go to work. I spent the morning at Rick's place. I prepared the breakfast and the lunch. Then, after promising that I would return in the evening, I ran to my dorm. I did not take bath at Rick's place since I had not taken any additional clothes. Then, the work followed. It was pretty boring and I was impatient to see Rick. I did not have my car with me since Rick's apartment was quite close. I mingled myself in the omnipresent crowd.
I was passing by the café when I noticed a familiar face out of the corner of my eyes. Anywhere I could recognize those golden locks and deep blue eyes; it was Brad. Fearing that he would see me, I hid behind a bush. He was busy chatting with a younger guy. I felt moisture on my cheeks and realized that my eyes had welled up. With a pang in the heart, I saw his lips which once made several promises to me but also said only lies. Those hands which touched every inch of my skin but which also disappeared when I needed protection. Those eyes for which I could have died happily but which held only lust for me.
Unable to bear more, I walked down the street to Rick's house. Before entering the apartment, I arranged myself and wiped the tears away. I was not ready for any awkward questions. Inside, Rick was trying to put some articles in the fridge. I helped him while he talked:
"I went to the office today and informed all my colleagues about the little mishap. I have collected some work from the office which I can do here. Heather was adamant about letting me rest but I managed to convince her before she raised a tantrum. On the way back, I stopped at the grocery and picked a few things. I know a Chinese recipe which you would certainly like. It's simple to cook also."
But I was barely listening to him. Seeing Brad had evoked some bitter past memories.
"Are you all right, Alex," Rick asked.
"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired from the work."
Then, I prepared the dinner. Rick told me what to do and I abided silently. I was as if in automation; I did not remember anything except those dark days of my life. I made frequent visit to the washroom only to be able to cry freely. In this way, I made it to the dinner. I barely touched my plate. In fact, I did not touch it at all.
"Alex, tell me what's wrong. I noticed that you have not been yourself lately. You can trust me," Rick said as he sat down in front of me.
"What happened to me? I'm totally okay!"
"Really? Then you can tell me why you put sugar instead of salt in the dinner. Why you were crying in the washroom? Why you have not eaten anything?"
"I'm sorry," I mumbled. I rose to leave but Rick grabbed my hand.
"I know you are not fine right now Alex. I don't know why. I may not be an excellent advisor or a psychologist but I will always be at your side to support you till my last breath. Just give me a chance to be your special friend," he said staring in my eyes.
Yet, I did not say anything. We watched TV a bit and went to bed afterwards. We hardly exchanged a few words. As I laid in the bed, I let the silence invade me. Perhaps, it was because inside me there was a real chaos. I was thinking about Brad as well as Rick. `Give me a chance' those words rang in my head. Should I?
Rick-
I did not know what to do. I was well aware that Alex was suffering but from what? I wanted to help him but I was helpless. I knew that forcing him would only aggravate the matter. I was pondering when the door opened. It was Alex. He was wearing a white shirt and his boxers. I would have certainly admired his gorgeous body had it not been for his eyes full of pain.
"Can I sleep with you tonight? I think that I need someone to hold me," he said in a weak voice.
"Yeah."
He crawled inside the blanket and curled himself in a ball, his back facing me. Coming closer to him, I wrapped my left arm over him and held his hand in mine.
"Rick, I'm going to tell you something really important about me today. I never told anyone but I feel that you need to know. I'm not sure how you'll react but remember that it has never been easy for me," he said in the same weak voice. I could feel him shaking.
"I'll always be at your side," I said gently and kissed him on his neck.
"Like most other gays, when I was about thirteen, I discovered that I was different from others. I recognized my attraction for the same sex. I knew that gays were not viewed under a good light and were often condemned. Coming out was not really an option for me. My parents were rather religious. They loved me but fearing their reaction, I kept this secret only to me.
When I was fifteen, a new boy shifted to my neighborhood. I could not fail to notice him due to his good looks. His name was Brad. I often thought about him and even met him on several occasions. Then we became friends and before I knew it, he started flirting with me. At first I thought he was only joking but eventually, he confessed his love for me. It was like a drop of water to a man thirsty since years. The gay inside me awakened and pushed me in his arms. We became boyfriends.
At first it was really pleasant. I had started living again. Seeing him stealthily, talking in whispers and sharing kisses at every opportunity were my breaths. But it did not last for long. Brad changed. He threatened me that if I did not do as he said he would divulge my homosexuality to my parents. He was no longer the gentle Brad I knew. He vented his anger on me by beating me. Several times, he just forced himself on me. He never hesitated to^Årape me. I was just his fuck buddy while he explored other horizons.
One day, he was trying to force his way in me when my father interrupted us. Brad immediately launched in explanations. He told him about my homosexuality and how I tried to seduce him. He saved his skin and the next day, he started dating a girl. As for me, I was outed to the whole world. My parents forgot that they ever had a son and I became just furniture in the house. They were apparently more disgusted by my slutty and cheap attitudes than my homosexuality. I had to spend a whole year at school as a fag. The guys tried to make me suck them or sometimes let them fuck me. Most of the times, I managed to escape but on other times, I was less lucky. I managed to scrape a scholarship and landed here. I have not been with anyone since then."
Now, Alex was crying freely. I could not believe that he had gone through so much. I wanted to kill Brad but right now Alex needed me. I held him securely in my arms. I wiped his tears and made him face me. Gently, I placed a kiss on his lips. It was not an aggressive one but one which reassured him. Slowly I rocked him to sleep.
"Anyone, before trying to hurt you, will have to deal with me," I whispered as Alex fell in the arms of Morpheus.
That's the fifth chap. I know that it has been a very long time since I last updated. I was going through a rough writer's block. Anyway, it's your e-mails that managed to pull me out of it. Thanks to those who sent me reviews. As usual, any comment is welcomed on sexhavoc_66@yahoo.com. It would be nice if you say something on my style of writing and how can I improve it? Please, say something. Thanks.