Richard and Jennifer's love story
Chapter 2
Gearing up-
The next couple of days I tried to just put the thought of Richard away. I talked at length with Peggy who assured me that it was too soon anyway for him to call but she did think it odd that he hadn't been more insistent with me. She told me not to worry as she was sure he'd call.
After three days I started to figure he just wasn't that into me.
Sigh. Too bad, I really did like him but I wasn't going to let it get me down. Still I was disappointed.
The next day after getting home from work there was an email from Richard with a funny attachment. It was nice to hear something from him even if it was email.
A little while later the phone rang and it was him! He was apologetic about not having called sooner and said he wanted to see me again asking if I'd like to have dinner with him on Saturday. I tried to sound nonchalant but I was super excited.
I called Peggy and also told Mom right away. Being Thursday meant I had two days to agonize over it before Saturday and I filled them up with preparation.
Richard was taking me someplace special and I wanted to turn heads.
I went shopping with Mom and found a super adorable new dress and heels for my date and we both had mani and pedicures and finally had my hair trimmed and styled.
For some reason I was more nervous today than I was before our first date. Mom helped steady my nerves and helped me get dressed. My dress was a one shoulder dress with rosette and leaf detail, a short flared skirt and tulle petticoat. The strappy blue sandals had a delicate looking 4" heel and were easily the highest heels I'd ever worn. I wore my hair in a lovely up do and borrowed my mom's pearl necklace and earrings. When I saw my image in the mirror I knew that if I wasn't in his arms by the end of this evening something was wrong. I looked sexy, adorable and utterly feminine. I was also incredibly nervous.
When the doorbell rang my mother let Richard in and was chatting amiably with him as I entered the living room. Mom looked up and announced me "here's my princess now"
she crowed as I glided carefully, across the hardwood floor, my heels clicking and my knees wobbling from nervousness. Richard complimented me and gave me a little hug and handed me a bouquet of mixed flowers. I thanked him and mom offered to put them in some water for me as she scooted us toward the door. I gave her a hug and Richard opened the door saying his goodbyes and ushered me to his car's passenger side door.
Before I could sit down he looked straight into my eyes, raised the palm of his hand gently holding my cheek and leaned in to give me a sweet kiss right on my lips then smiled into my pleasantly surprised eyes as I sat in the seat and swung my legs in and finally released his gaze. I tried to remain cool but my heart was racing.
We drove up into the hills to a very stylish and secluded restaurant overlooking the lights of the city. We drank delicious tasting wine and had a very leisurely dinner and Rich had me laughing and having such a good time! I really was starting to like him but I really didn't want to lose my cool. There was a real mutual attraction but a strange sort of reluctance to dive in wholeheartedly. I still had a feeling that something was not as perfect as it seemed.
Dinner was spectacular and Richard was such a total babe and a gentleman, funny and cute. We left the restaurant laughing, arm in arm. It was a warm evening and there was a bench overlooking the wonderful view where we sat holding hands talking.
"Jennifer, you must realize I'm very attracted to you" he started. I nodded and smiled. "but I have to tell you something" he swallowed, paused and continued, "you see, I've been, you know, um, with only a couple of other women before."
I was surprised of course but I wasn't turned off by the prospect of him being inexperienced. After all I'm still a virgin I thought. "But that's not the whole story. You see I, I've been... with a couple other men. "
So that was it, I thought, it won't work out because he's gay! All these thoughts and emotions passed in an instant, so that's why he didn't... well I guess it's not me... oh well, oh no! ... But he kissed me!...But wait, I'm not really wrong for him but if he really likes boys then ...
He continued, "But Jennifer, for some reason I have these feelings for you...and I've never felt that for any woman before".
I wasn't sure how to react, what to say. We sat in silence and I tried to gather my thoughts into a coherent package. I knew what I had to say, that it was right, his feelings, his instincts to be attracted to me. I was after all still, technically, physically male. I didn't feel like one and knew only about being a girl not being a boy. I thought in that instant, could I live as a boy for a minute? For him? It was confusing. But no.
"I'm sorry Jennifer" he said "I guess maybe its a bit much to ask that you overlook my past"
"But Richard is it really your past or... do you still?And if you like guys then what is it I ....?"
"Look all I know Jen..."
Suddenly I just blurted it out, "Richard, its not that...well, it's not...you're not... I mean I'm not...see, I'm a ...I mean, I ..."
I gathered my nerve, collected my thoughts and looked right into his eyes and continued, "Richard, I ...I am transgendered. Do you know what that means?"
He paused, as if searching, and nodded, "But Jenn..."
I interrupted him "please let me finish" . Richard patiently listened as I slowly started to tell him all about myself and my life story being raised as a girl, being physically still male, I stopped being apologetic about who I was right then, making my decision to sink or swim. "so if you want you can drive me home. I wont tell anyone and you don't have to talk about it ever again" I said.
"Jennifer, I don't want this night to end like that. I'd be sad if you wouldn't let me see you some more. I am saying that I'm really in awe of your beauty, grace, bravery, everything. And I am really...really surprised but... not at all turned off by your, um...anatomy. Can we just both try... something new?"
I thought about what I could overlook and started to wonder about his past. "You have to level with me completely then" I demanded.
"I'll start right now" he promised.
We sat there on that bench overlooking the lights, talking, pouring our hearts out to each other. I heard about relationships he'd had and found that he'd been in love with one guy and that it had ended badly. I told him about myself, my family, dreams and hopes and at some point we both just came together and started kissing.
I'd never really made out with anybody before though when we were younger Peggy and I had practiced kissing and I had been kissed on my first date at the movies with David but this of course was a different thing altogether.
It was easily the best thing I'd ever felt, sharing this level of intimacy, with his tongue tentatively exploring my increasingly willing and receptive mouth and playing with my own.
I'd dreamt of how being kissed by a man must feel and this was better by far. It felt I was absorbed into his arms, as if we would just melt together as one. He had me in a state of abandon and he was obviously very excited too. His hands started to touch my knee and move up underneath the hem of my skirt before I regained some composure and grasped his hand in mine to stop him from going any further. He wrapped me in his strong, loving arms and we silently studied each others eyes for clues, and with our foreheads resting against one another and our noses teasingly close, every so often he would lean in to kiss me or playfully nibble at my chin. I was tempted to just give in, let it happen in spite of how nervous I was but I managed somehow to relax and cool us both down.
As I snuggled in to him I whispered in his ear and asked him if he could find satisfaction with a girl like me when he'd always had male partners. He said he only knew he was really turned on by me but since he'd never gone any farther than this before with a girl. I quietly reminded him that in spite of my anatomy that I was not at all comfortable in a male role sexually and wouldn't like that at all.
He said he thought he understood.
We shared another long, romantic, lustful French kiss and then we drove the long way home in a blissful mood.
When we got to my house Richard opened my car door and took my hand, and walked me to the door. I thanked him for everything and as we stood on my front steps together His hands encircled my waist and I placed my arms around his shoulders and looked up once more into his steel grey eyes. I tilted my head in perfect synchronicity with his and he leaned in, my eyes closed and our lips met once again for a lingering kiss.
After an exquisite moment, somehow I tore myself away and backed almost right into my mom who was just opening the door as I was about to faint.
"I'll call you tomorrow" he called out and blew a kiss just before he got in the car. I breathlessly watched him drive away as I struggled to regain my composure.
This had become oh so very interesting.
Mom and I sat on the sofa together and talked for hours and I told her everything about my date with Richard. I told her about the kiss! I told her about Richards confession and that I had also told him my secret! She was concerned that Richard might be too experienced for me and since he had a sexual relationship with a man she stressed that I needed to be very careful about safety in regards to sex, should that become part of our relationship.
We had talked about the birds and the bees before but this conversation was much more specific. We talked about real specifics of physical desire and the realities of heterosexual and homosexual relations. It was confusing in my predicament, here I was blossoming as a young woman in appearance, desire and behavior, but with the obvious crucial difference.
We discussed what might be expected in a sexual union should we pursue that route and I asked mom all kinds of questions about her experiences. She shared her knowledge about men and what they liked in bed but she also told me some intimate details of her life that I'd never known. She had been active sexually over the years with both men and occasionally women too. We talked about the differences that she knew in the way women and men approach emotional commitment and physical gratification. I listened and asked lots of questions and we talked long into the evening.
I felt like I was really growing up now. Suddenly I was becoming a young woman, not a girl. I had new grown up decisions to make and I was excited but terrified. I was really inexperienced and it was scary to think that Richard had been around so much (how much?) more than I had.
I asked mom about everything, about how sex would feel, how to give oral sex and even if she'd ever experienced anal. She totally leveled with me and told me all about her first time with a man, discussed blow jobs and anal sex (she didn't like it) and also I heard a little about her lesbian trysts. I was in awe. My mom had lived enough to help me work through so many of the questions I had about sex and love and life.
I'd never felt so close to her before. We finally said goodnight and went to bed sometime in the wee, wee hours and I was still so excited I could hardly sleep! I was thinking of new ways to capture my man's attention. I so hoped Richard would call like he said.
In the morning I woke up and just lied awake for awhile reminiscing about being with Richard. Oh my God, did he really hold me close and kiss my lips? Yes! And, did I really actually tell him my damning secret, that I was brought up as a girl and actually didn't have girl parts, but boys? Yes, I really did and he didn't recoil, he didn't waver, he kissed me! I just about squealed with delight! I knew i just had to tell my sister. I knew she'd be happy for me but it was still too early to call so I took a nice bubble bath and then got dressed and ready for a blissful Sunday off work. Unfortunately Mom had to go in to work early so she was gone already and i was just alone with my head in the clouds. Just then the phone rang and it was Peggy. Her boyfriend had gone golfing and she asked me to come on over. She knew I'd be excited and couldn't wait to see me. I raced over to her house and before I even said anything it was like she knew everything. It must've been all over my face! We hugged and jumped up and down together, giggled like kids and I gave her the complete run down on my date with Richard.
"I knew it!" she exclaimed, "I told Jim that you two would like each other"
"I told him everything Sis!"
"Everything?" she looked at me with a tear coming to her wide eye.
"Yup, everything, and he was totally cool! And then he kissed me and held me and..."
by now Peggy and I were both crying and touching, hugging and laughing and she asked me to go into every detail "how did he kiss? Did he try touching you...could you...feel him...?"
We talked and talked and the time just flew by it seemed and it was so much fun. She had lots of advice and wanted to help me anyway she could.
We made plans to go shopping the coming week.
By the time I got back home, mom was there and so was Ann, my second mom. Once again, I recounted everything from what I wore to where we stood when he kissed me, his looks, what perfume I wore and, well everything. Ann has more advice, more loving wishes and hugs and kisses for me. And fashion tips and makeup tips and...
Everyone was happy for me and wanted to make sure I didn't get hurt.
They love me! I was probably the happiest girl in the world! I had a great, loving family whom I loved and relied on and I knew would always be there for me. I counted on their knowledge and experience and I looked up to them for advice, support and love. They never let me down.
I hung around the house with mom and Ann just talking, doing some chores around the house, and all the while keeping my ear on the phone in case he called. The afternoon passed and I became anxious that maybe he wouldn't call, maybe he really didn't intend to follow up, maybe he was just being nice. I worried out loud and mom and Ann started to tease me a little bit.
Ann came up behind me as I was standing in the kitchen whining that he'd forgotten me already, and she started tickling me. She knows how ticklish I am and I started writhing, wiggling and trying to get away, laughing and screaming for mom to help me. When she came in and saw, she joined in the fun and I was being double-teamed. I was powerless to overcome them and soon we were all rolling around on the floor giggling, tickling each other and cackling like schoolgirls! We were lying there draped around each other on the dining room carpet, laughing and catching our breath when I heard my phone ring. I jumped up squealing "it's my MAN!" and ran to answer as the girls whooped and hollered behind me.
I answered breathlessly after many rings and I'm sure I didn't sound very sexy.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Jennifer?" it was him! he continued, "you sound out of breath. This is Rich. Everything OK?"
"Oh yeah, hi! I was just the victim of a senseless tickling attack, that's all. I'm so happy you called!"
He laughed, "well I'm glad that's all it is, I guess you survived. How are you otherwise?"
We talked and talked, he thanked me for the wonderful time last night and eventually asked if I'd like to see him again.
"Well, what did you have in mind?" I asked, trying not to let him hear how excited I felt.
"Well, you may not be aware of this but I am known far and wide as making the worlds best spaghetti and meat balls and I'd like to invite you to come over next weekend to judge for yourself. "
"Gee, I'm not so sure" I teased. "Have you won any prestigious awards?"
"Wow you are really tough!" he pushed back, "but as a matter of fact yes I actually won the Nobel prize for my spaghetti, so there!"
"Well excuse me sir! Of course I'd love to taste your Nobel prize winning spaghetti. "
We made a date for Saturday evening. We then continued to chat for half an hour more, flirting and joking. By the time I said goodbye in my sexiest whisper, I was once again floating in mid air! I went back to the kitchen dancing a little jig and twirling on my tippy toes and practically singing to my moms who were seated side by side at the breakfast nook, "I am irresistible! He wants me! I rule!" and plopped down right across their laps.
They laughed and we all hugged and kissed and chattered and planned.
The whole week leading up to Saturday and my date with Richard I was preoccupied with preparations. I went through my closet, trying on different outfits, this dress with those shoes, short skirts, longer, demure skirts, stockings or bare legs and...
and...I decided I had nothing! Peggy and I went shopping and I found an irresistible, innocent yet sexy, sky blue, light, cotton, baby doll mini-dress with a low neckline.
"I don't know sis" I exclaimed, looking at it in the mirror, "it's really short!"
and I twirled around to show how it rode up, exposing my panties.
"Well you'll just need some new lingerie then, that's all. Look Jen, you've got fabulous legs and a cute little behind, that dress will slay him! And that IS what you want!" We laughed and hugged and I bought the dress and some killer sparkly blue sandals with a kitten heel. We went next to buy lingerie and I maxed out my credit card on a really sexy silky french bra and matching bikini panty. I love my sister and we had a great time shopping together but it can be dangerous to my budget.
The rest of the week I was on pins and needles. I did extra yoga and Pilates plus all the exfoliating, plucking, primping and planning for Saturday. I was so excited I couldn't keep my mind on anything else but my date. Would he want to make out?get heavy?go too far? How far would I let him go? I actually studied like I was taking a test. I looked at all my old Cosmos for tips about how to satisfy your man and on the Internet for tips about how to please him orally ;-)
I think I'd like to try that!
Saturday night I woke up and just lied in bed on Saturday. It was early and I was wondering how I was ever going to get through the day. I knew what I would be wearing but I started having doubts; where are we going? Just to his place for spaghetti? I knew I would be totally overdressed. I knew I was just nervous but I couldn't help it. I had hours to kill before I was going out with Peggy to be fluffed and fancied and I decided to work out extra hard today.
I went for a long run and felt elated the whole way thinking about going out later with Richard. I started wondering if he really knew that it was over with him and his old flame. I believed him but I was still a bit apprehensive. I wanted him to fall for me but knew that I was following someone whom he'd been in love with. I knew that it had been a man he'd loved. I had apprehensions regarding his true desires. I really did feel a spark with him and believe he felt it too but I hoped he really wanted me to be with him as his girl not as a boy. I knew I had to cross that bridge when I got to it but it still nagged at me. In spite of any notions that he might be attracted to me because I might have a male part in me, I committed to making my femininity pop.
I got back home after running and showered and got ready to go out with Peg to get our hair and nails done. I wore a white pleated skirt and a light pink top and some white skimmers, pulled my hair back securing it with a couple of cute barrettes. I made up my face very lightly and looked like a fresh faced girl of fifteen.
Peggy picked me up and we drove to the mall and did some shopping before our salon appointment. It was fun hanging out with sis! We always make each other laugh and I feel so lucky to be her sister. I love her so much! I bought a pretty necklace that I couldn't resist and then Peggy sneaked behind my back and purchased the matching earrings for me "just for luck!" she said. She insisted that I had to have them tonight.
We went to our favorite salon for our appointment and were coiffed and pampered.
Peggy told the girls that I had a very special date tonight and they took especially good care of me. When we were finished I had the sexiest looking mane! It was big and bouncy, all curls and flounce and femininity. I was thrilled! I had my nails painted scarlet, tapered and long. By the time we got home it was almost time to get ready. Fortunately I didn't have to take time to do my hair or nails.
Peggy offered to help me with my makeup and she's a real artist with that so I of course accepted.
We had a great time getting me ready and by the time mom came home I was ready for my close-up! We had a great time getting me ready and by the time mom came home I was ready for my close-up! Mom said I was "stunning" and I could hardly disagree. I was really nervous and jittery and having second thoughts. "I hope I'm not overdoing my femininity" I mused, under my breath, but both mom and Peggy heard.
There was a momentary silence and then as if on cue, we all just burst out laughing! "oh, listen to you!" Peggy howled "little miss I'm too feminine!" and my face reddened as I realized the absurdity of my remark. We all just cackled and practically cried with laughter. Ironically, of the three of us, I was definitely the most girly-girl.
They knew that, of course but I surely deserved the ribbing. It was a silly thing to say.
I was feeling so nervous and excited but mom and Peggy kept me from getting too scared. They kept my mind moving to other subjects and to not dwell on the obviously dominant thought in my mind.
By the time we heard the doorbell I was almost relaxed, only to be revved up instantly at the sound of Richards voice downstairs being greeted and grilled by my mom. Peggy helped put the finishing touches on my makeup, making sure I looked delicious.
I sure hoped he thought so!