Beginnings-
The morning sun shone in through the blinds, washing parallel swaths of warm, shifting light across the bright azure patterns on the bedspread. It a was the first morning of my new life. The soundtrack this dawn, the rhythmic breathing of my heart's delight and brand new husband Richard. Reaching over, I ran my fingers softly through his tousled locks smiling wide at my magnificent fortune. Handsome, smart, warm and incredibly fit, he was my first, my only, the man who really taught me about love and inevitably helped me realize my true calling as his devoted and loving wife.
Until I met Richard I had been romantically unfulfilled. I was apprehensive as to whether i would ever find someone who would love me. I was born with the miniature genitalia of a boy but I had always known I was a girl. I never had any doubt.
My mother realized it also and I was raised, only child of an essentially single parent, as a girl from even before the time I started school. She had considered home schooling me but decided that developing normal social interactions would be more helpful to my balanced upbringing. So I always lived as Jennifer, her daughter, and had a pretty normal, though carefully monitored childhood. I learned to be very careful not to reveal to any of my friends and playmates the nature of my physical gender.
I was just a normal, happy and playful little girl, had some wonderful friends and loved to play dress up, house or lots of other girly games with my friends, especially Peggy who lived around the corner from us and was in my class at school.
She was my best friend from the time I started kindergarten. Her parents were divorced and she lived with her mom who like my own single parent mom, worked full-time while raising Peggy. Our families became very close and they eventually came to know of my secret. Ann, Peggy's mom, was like a second mother to me and accepted me as the little girl I always knew I was and helped raise me. They were my and Mom's extended family and we spent lots of weekends and most holidays together.
Peggy was the single biggest reason I was able to get through school without being unduly scrutinized. She was pretty and popular with most everyone and my best friend. I also made lots of friends during those years before junior high. Puberty was tricky.
Mom knew long before my adolescence the ravages that hormones would have on my young body and had already arranged for me to undergo a regular regimen of hormone therapy so my body would develop as a relatively normal adolescent girl.
Estrogen had many effects both positive and not so positive. Physically I started filling out in the right places, my hips rounded and my breasts started growing and became tender and sore. My skin remained soft and I didn't get the growth of body or facial hair that boys do thank god.
On the other hand I had to put up with not so lovely mood swings which included crying jags and hot flashes.
Mom was about as patient as a person could be and loved me in spite if it all. One more thing the hormones did was make me boy crazy. Mom was ready and diligent and helped me keep a level head. Both she and Ann were strict. Peggy, and to a far greater extent me, were allowed to date boys only under very supervised circumstances. I realize now how necessary it was to be careful as a parent but then I thought it was a pain.
So although I did get to go on dates with boys sometimes, the boys were carefully scrutinized and the dates carefully chaperoned. Usually Peggy and I double dated which was probably a good thing for both of us.
Both of us remained virgins through high school and were both very balanced and well behaved. Not to say we weren't curious.
I had my first kiss from a boy when I was sixteen. He was in a couple of my classes and was sort of shy but he opened up some when we were lab partners and eventually (with a big hint from Peggy) he asked me out to a movie. Peggy and her boyfriend accompanied me and Daniel to the movie and we sat in the back row.
When he finally leaned in awkwardly and I turned my face toward him we bumped foreheads then laughed. When he smiled again I closed my eyes when I felt his lips touch mine. It only lasted a couple seconds but it was fun! We kissed some more but never went any further and I only went out with him one more time but a girl never forgets her first kiss! I longed for more but was saving myself for "the" guy. Also of course I had to be very sure before becoming physically involved with someone due to my differences.
After graduating from high school Peggy and I went to different colleges and were separated for almost the first time ever. I was nervous without her to help me but there was so much to learn that I needed to find out for myself.
I went off to college and was so lonely at first and I really missed my family so much! I threw myself into my studies and didn't have much of a social life at school. I tried going out with my roommate and her friends once but I felt different than them. They were a fun bunch but I am far more conservative socially than them and so I usually made excuses and truth is I did stay very busy during college. I remained homesick for pretty much most of my three year stay there and it was for that reason mainly that I worked so hard to get my degree in three years. I majored in early childhood education and earned a teaching certificate. I became a kindergarten teacher and fortunately found a teaching job at a school that was close enough to move back to Mom and Ann. It was so great to be home and back with my loved ones.
Peggy had left college and gotten an office job locally and was back living at home now too. It was nice to be close to her again.
Peggy had become involved with a man at work seven years older and it was serious.
She was feeling pressure to have sex with Jim. I was always eager to listen to her and help advise when I could but I was over my head. She was my sister though and I was there for her. I was, of course the first person she told when she and Jim first slept together and I was so nervous for her and of course so excited to hear all her experiences. Truth is I was jealous of my pretty sister.
Jim and Peggy eventually moved in together and Mom wasn't happy about it but Jim was a great guy and my sister was an adult now and could make her own choices.
I went out with a man I met through a friend at work that I really started to like.
Richard called me on a tip by a good friend who's also one of my fellow teachers, John. John and Richard go way back apparently and John had little doubt about our compatibility. I wish I were so certain.
Richard called me that first time and we must have spent at least half an hour talking. He was so funny and interesting and it felt so natural, as if we'd been friends forever. When he finally did get around to asking me out I eagerly accepted his invitation to go on a weekend drive up the coast together.
I couldn't believe how excited I felt and it was so hard to wait for Saturday to come. When it finally came I was ready like two hours early! I tried on about ten different outfits and as it was a warm sunny California spring day, ended up choosing a long, white, sundress with a pretty yellow floral pattern, spaghetti straps and a bit of flounce around the hem of the full skirt. It was light and airy and made me feel beautiful and feminine. I certainly hoped Richard agreed.
The doorbell rang and I checked myself out in the mirror one last time and fluffed up my hair a bit then walked nervously to open the door and meet Richard face to face for the first time. The picture I'd seen of him did him no justice, I was pleasantly surprised at just how attracted I was to him right away. I tried to be cool though my heart was racing. I invited him in for a second while I gathered the rest of my things. When I'd made sure I had everything, I asked Richard to carry a few things out for me while I locked up. When he walked toward the car my eyes never left his gorgeous rear.
He was very gentlemanly, opening doors for me, gently guiding me.
We drove up the coast out of the city surroundings and past the pastoral lands spreading out on one side up the coastal hills and the blue Pacific Ocean on the other complete with waves crashing on the shore. It was beautiful, sunny, and a bit cool. Richard was easy to talk to and I found myself talking way too much but we were both laughing and flirty with our conversation. I was having a great time and I could tell he was too.
Richard pulled over once and we walked over to a bluff where people were gathered watching elephant seals sunning themselves. We watched for a minute or two and then Richard held my hand in his as we walked back to the car. He opened my door for me and as I got in he never let go of my hand or my gaze. I kept looking him right in the eye and there was so much communicated in his smiling face.
The tension was noticeable but exciting and I really liked being with Richard. He was smart and playful but kind, and let himself be a bit goofy. He was a little bashful and not a player at all. We took it maybe a little slow but it never felt uncomfortable. We walked along the bluffs, had clam chowder at a little beach shack kind of place that he knew, counted birds on a wire and just had fun being together.
It never got too tense although as we were heading back toward home I was getting nervous because I knew I liked him like I'd never known it with anyone else. When he dropped me off it made me sorry it had to end.
Richard opened the car door for me and walked me to my front door where we stood awkwardly filling the silent pauses with conversation. Finally we hugged and I'm thinking oh no! is that it? He looked in my eyes and I reached over for his hand and gave him a soft but short kiss right on his lips, not lingering, but letting him know I'd be willing to do this again. "thank you for the wonderful time Richard" I found my keys and opened the door and turned and smiled. "I'll call", he promised as I swung the door closed.
Mom, of course quizzed me and prodded me for all the details, did he behave, where'd we go, how'd you feel and on and on. I didn't mind. Mom's really my very best friend but also my guardian, protector and confidant. We talked and laughed well into the evening. She shared stories of when she had been my age and of course how different it was for me. Mom is very wise. Finally we called it a night and both crawled off to our beds.
As I lied awake before drifting off I re-lived everything I could about my date with Richard. I thought about his cool grey eyes and casually mussed hair, his broad shoulders and hard chest. He was totally fit but not like a body builder, more like a swimmer. Tall enough to look up to but not enough to call attention to. His large hands had felt strong and warm when he held my small hand briefly but it was a little bothersome that he hadn't tried to put the moves on me at some point. He was maybe a bit too polite with me. I hope he was attracted to me, but maybe, but what if...all kinds of worries now and self doubt; maybe I should have worn a different outfit or fixed my hair differently or... Finally I managed to get to sleep as I wondered if he'd ever call.
I sure hoped so.