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This story doesn't have any sex in it. It is actually the story of my gay awakening when I first realized what my feelings were and learned to deal with them somewhat responsibly.
I changed the names, but otherwise everything else is true.
My name is Al and I am a junior in high school in Westchester County, New York. I am gay, but nobody really knows it. I am pretty sure I have always been gay. I can't remember a time when I wasn't attracted to boys.
Around Christmas time, when I was in the second grade, my teacher had a meeting with my parents. I don't know what they talked about, but I think I was beginning to show signs of being gay or something. All I know is, my parents came home from the meeting and told me that they would be finding a boy's summer camp for me. They said it would be good for me to be around boys and men more.
Sending an eight year old kid to camp for seven weeks may seem cruel to a lot of people, but it was the best thing that every happened to me. The camp was in the middle of nowhere in New England. I had so much fun that summer that I continued to go back for the next seven summers.
There was a lot to do a camp. I particularly liked sailing, singing in the camp show, and canoeing. There are lots of different people at camp. The kids on the baseball and soccer teams would hang out together and had girl friends from the other camps on our lake. But, they never made fun of the non-athletic kids so it was okay to not have to pretend to like girls.
Perhaps the event at camp that sticks out in my mind the most was a camping trip I took when I was eleven years old. It was a four day canoe trip among the Adirondack Lakes in New York state. It involved a lot of paddling, and even more hiking and carrying equipment between the many lakes we travelled. I was really lucky to get on the trip. It was the best one offered to my age group (11, 12, and 13 years old) at camp but at that time, I was still pretty small, not even five feet tall.
So, this is the story of that trip. It was a kind of awakening for me. I find myself thinking of that camping trip often, particularly on these cold winter days.
There were only six campers and four counselors on the trip. Jim, the leader, was one of the older counselors at camp and prepared us well for the journey. We had a number of meetings on the days leading up to our departure. We planned the itinerary, the meals, and the equipment we would carry. We had to pack light since we would need to carry our food, clothing, tents, cooking equipment, canoes, PFDs (life jackets), and paddles on the portage trails between the lakes.
DAY 1 --- Our first day was fairly easy. Part of it was spent travelling by van across roads and ferries to upstate New York's Adirondack Lakes.
By mid-morning we had reached our put-in point where we loaded the canoes with our equipment in waterproof packs and set off. We only paddled for a few minutes when we had our first portage of the day. It was an easy one of a little less than a half mile, but it set the tone for the trip. The counselors each carried a canoe upside-down on their shoulders. The six campers carried as much equipment as possible. I decided that I would show the counselors that they were right in choosing me to go on the trip. I picked up the heaviest pack, about 75 pounds. As I hoisted it to my shoulders, I lost my balance and fell over backwards on it. Everybody laughed, but it was okay, because they weren't making fun of me, just the situation. Once we got to the next lake, we put the equipment down and returned to the first lake to pick up the rest of the stuff.
By the time we reached our third lake, it was apparent why we were going to all the trouble to haul everyting so far. We found ourselves suddenly alone in the wilderness. Say what you want about civilization, you really can't be yourself until you are away from all of that. The lake was an amazing blue color, caused by the acid rain and lack of plant life in the water. Coniferous trees and boulders surrounded the pond and the only sounds we could hear were the birds, particularly loons calling in the distance.
We stopped for lunch at that lake. The warm sun shined down on us as we ate our trail meal of crackers, cheese, and oranges.
"We've made good progress," said Jim, the counselor. "I think we should take a swim before we continue." With that, he stripped off naked and jumped in the water.
The other three counselors took off their clothes, too. Now, at that time, I hadn't even begun going through puberty, so the sight of the four hairy naked men (they were hairy men to us, anyway) was a remarkable experience. It was really neat. They didn't even try to hide their dicks from us or anything.
Yeah, back at camp we saw other campers and counselors nude occasionally, particularly at the changing shacks at swimming, but here they were naked for a long time and they didn't care if we saw them!
The rest of us removed our clothes, preparing to swim, too. Camp rules said that the counselors had to swim first to check out the area to make sure it was safe (no submerged rocks, broken glass). So, the campers had to stand on the edge of the lake, nude and waiting until it was our turn.
While we waited, I guess we were kind of embarassed. I know I was. I have never stood outdoors like that where everybody could see me. Of course, it was only us guys from camp who were around, but I've never really been naked outdoors. I kept my hands folded over my little, hairless dick and I noticed all the other campers had their hands cupped over themselves, too.
Eventually the counselors came out of the water and it was our turn. When Jim said it was okay, the six of us dove into the water. This was the first time I had been skinny dipping and the feeling was incredible! The water kindof swirled over my tiny dick and balls. If freedom has a feeling, that was it! I almost got an erection, it felt so good.
I noticed the other guys were feeling the same way. They were swimming around, some doing flips and flashing their asses at everybody. I remember that Joe, kind of a bigger kid then me, swam below me and blew bubbles. They tickled my genitals. Others would swim on their backs, their tiny dicks poking the surface.
When we had to get out, I was really embarassed. In the cold water, my tiny penis had shrunk almost invisible (at least in my eyes) and my balls must have been lodged in my throat! Since our towels were packed away, Jim wouldn't let us go through the equipment to find them. Instead he made us dry off in the sun.
I tried to keep myself covered up as best I could. I took the chance, though, to examine the counselors' bodies. I had never really seen naked men up close.
I think Robby was the best looking. At 19 years old, he was tall, kind of gangly, and had long, blond hair usually combed to the side, but it kept falling in front of his eyes. He had some pretty good chest muscles and I could see rippled abs as well. He didn't have much body hair, just some under his arms and a really thick, blondish bush above his dick. The cock itself must have been about seven or eight inches long, circumsized with a reddish head. I remember a thick vein that kindof ran from the underside and up along the side of the shaft. My own little dick was beginning to stir as I was examining him so I was relieved when Jim said it was time to get dressed and continue.
We travelled two more ponds before we got to our campsite for the night at the south end of a long lake. It was late afternoon and after we set up camp, we went for a swim while Robby and another counselor, Jamie, began getting the meal ready.
Jim and Scott went into the water first to check it out. Us campers spent our time naked, onshore waiting. I noticed some of the guys didn't bother covering themselves this time, but I was still kindof embarassed and afraid I would pop a hardon. I really didn't have to be embarassed by the size of my dick; almost all the other guys were just as small as I was. Jim came on shore and grabbed a canoe so he could use it to lifeguard. Finally it was our turn.
We dove into the water and it felt so neat! David, the other camper who was my size asked Jim if we could dive off the small cliff which stood about fifteen feet above the surface. Jim said it was okay and we all scrambled up the rocky path. At the top, we all stood there, naked, trying to get the courage to dive.
David got the bright idea to cover himself with mud. I looked over at him and and he was painting mud on his little penis. He was the only boy who was uncircumcized so I thought maybe he was embarassed that he was different. But then he started shaking his hips, make the little dick bounce up and down against his stomach. We all laughed and did the same thing to our dicks.
I remember looking over at Devon. He was thirteen and was the most developed of all of us. He even had some hair around his dick, not as much as the counselors, but at least he had some hair. God, I wish I could have smeared the mud on his dick for him! I remember I saw him naked a year later and I swear, he had the biggest dick in the world.
We were all moving our hips up and down, making our dicks jump. To me, it was so erotic that I found myself getting hard so I decided I should jump in the water real quick. Most of the other boys followed me, but Joe stayed up on the cliff. I looked up at him and I swear, I think he was beginning to pop a boner. He certainly seemed to enjoy being in the spotlight up there.
We swam around and wrestled in the water. I remember having somebody swim against me and I think I felt boner pressed into my leg. We repeatedly climbed the trail up the cliff to dive off into the water again.
I was growing exhausted so I asked Jim if I could climb into the canoe with him. He said it was okay and leaned over to the side so I could snake up over the opposite side of the canoe. As I was struggling to muscle myself up, I swear that Jim had been looking directly at my dick. It kindof made me feel sexy having that older counselor looking at me like that.
I took a quick glance at Jim's dick. It was pretty small for a man in his twenties, but it was fucking huge compared to mine. It was soft in the late afternoon sun and was hanging down between his balls. Like everybody but David, he was circumcized.
I looked down at my small equipment. The cool water had caused me to get goose bumps all over. The sparkling water was like diamond beads on my skin. Even shrivelled up tiny, I liked my little penis, sparkling in the sun.
I laid back against the thwart of the canoe and let the sun warm me up. Watching the other boys was stimulating. I can still picture them with the sun reflecting off their wet bodies as they climbed the trail to the top of the cliff. Each would almost pose before diving into the water as if daring us to look at him.
Soon it was time to get out. I was so warm, I didn't want to get back in the water so Jim canoed me to shore. I swear that he was looking at my little dick again but I couldn't catch him at it. Oh well. It made me feel neat to think that he liked to look at me.
We ate, had a story around the campfire and went to bed early. The next day would be the toughest.
DAY 2 --- We got up early and had a quick breakfast. This was our toughest day. We had three portages of over one and a half miles each. Each one was difficult, up and over hills, but as we got to each lake, we found ourselves farther and farther from civilization.
Our second portage that day was strange. I'm not sure why, but camp tradition meant that we all had to do the portage naked. All the other trips every year did this portage naked so we had to, too. We took off our clothes and stuffed them in our packs. The counselors looked really funny, carrying the canoes on their shoulders. You couldn't see their upper bodies. All you could see was from the stomach down. Their dicks and balls shuffling back and forth as they walked with their heavy loads.
Back and forth along the trail we went, carrying the heavy packs and other equipment. It was so fucking strange to be walking around a bend in the woods and find a naked boy approaching, hunched over under the weight of a canoe pack. I really got into seeing Peter. He was a year older than me, quite tall and skinny but he wasn't going through puberty yet. His dick wasn't any larger than mine, but his balls were huge in comparison. They weren't saggy at all, but kind of bunched in their sack against his body. His dick kindof sat on top of them making it look like it was slightly erect.
Jim kept hurrying us along, promising the greatest camp site in the world at the end of our journey. We must have made record time because we got to the site a lot earlier than we had expected. And Jim was right... It was beautiful!
There was a giant boulder lodged into the hillside above the lake. Tall pine trees had laid down a huge, flat carpet of pine needles and sheltered the site from the hot sun. We set up camp and spent the rest of the afternoon skinny dipping.
By this time I had grown accustomed to being naked outdoors and didn't worry about anybody seeing me. Since it was so hot, the counselors had to swim, too. While they were in the water we lay in the sun on the boulder. I kept finding myself looking at the other boys, quickly so they wouldn't notice me staring at them. I was fasinated by Devon. He was so lucky going through puberty! The rest of us were tiny and hairless in comparison.
I think I saw Joe checking out the other boys, but nobody seemed as intersted as I was in what the others looked like. I worked hard at not looking; every time I did look, I could feel my dick begin to tingle, as if I was about to pop a boner.
We also played games in the woods. Most of us never bothered to get dressed and the sight was so sexy for me. I don't know, it seemed so natural for me to be running naked through the woods, tagging my friends, and having them chase me. Sometimes I would stand around naked talking to one of the campers wearing shorts and it just seemed normal. I wasn't embarassed or anything. Maybe I am an exhibitionist.
Soon it was time to make dinner. Jim didn't bother getting dressed as he began the meal, although I had put on a pair of shorts. It was neat seeing him work on the cooking naked and I found that my penis began to get hard. I don't know. There was something about Jim that made it seem okay around him so when my boner poked up above the waistband, I didn't try to hide it.
I am sure he saw my erection. He didn't say anything but stared at it for a long time. It felt really sexy for me be like that in front of him.
DAY 3 --- We got to sleep in late the next morning. We had earned a lazy day after the work we did the day before. We slowly cleaned up the camp site and packed, but spent much of the time swimming, too. The counselors didn't bother putting on any clothes so most of us campers went around naked, too. It was sure easier than changing every time we wanted to swim.
Eventually we made our way. We had two pretty hard portages, one down a very steep hill. Finally we got to the last lake of the day. It was a large one and took a lot of paddling. The worst part of the trip was that we actually saw people on this lake. We passed a man an a woman canoeing the other direction. We were heading back to civilization.
We got to our final campsite about four that afternoon. This place had a long, sandy beach with a gradual slope into the water. It was a blast to run naked from the beach and into the water, splashing as we got deeper and deeper until we finally fell over from the force of the water. We did it over and over again.
We also spent time in the sand. I discovered that the warm sand felt neat on my dick and balls so I rolled over and over, finding warm spots in the sand. It stuck to my body and I was covered from head to toe. That's okay, because I could go in the water to clean off before finding another stretch of warm sand.
Since all the counselors were lifeguarding, they would take turns jumping into the water to cool off while we were swimming. When Jim jumped in, I swam after him. As I approached underwater, I opened my eyes and saw his dick bobbing in the water. I don't know what came over me, but I reached forward and brushed my hand against it. I surfaced and said sorry, trying to make it accidental. But god, it felt neat! I had never touched anybody else before.
I brushed against it "accidentally" again a few minutes later. This time I think Jim knew what I was doing. He reached down, grabbed me around the waist and threw me across the water. I came down with a splash, all twisted. It was a blast!
Of course, all the kids wanted to do it! Soon there were naked bodies flying everywhere. A group of us got together and tried to knock Jim down in the water. With all those hands all over him, I took the chance to touch his penis a few more times. I think he was beginning to get hard but he called an end to the swim so I couldn't do anything more.
We ate dinner and played games until it was time for bed. By this time, we had spent so much time naked that most of us campers slept that way, too. I remember waking up early in the morning and looking over at the other campers who were all asleep. Joe who was next to me had thrown back his sleeping bag during the night and I got to study his penis close up. It was lying on his stomach and I could see that little crevice on the underside. As I watched, his dick began to move and his balls churned up and down, too. He started to get hard and pretty soon he had a boner. It was much larger than when it had been soft. But then he started moving and reached down and found his sleeping bag and pulled it up. The show was over. I had the biggest erection by that time, though!
DAY 4 --- When it was time to get up, I sneaked a peek at the other boys. The way they acted, I think some of them were hard, too, so I didn't feel so bad. We all put on shorts before leaving the tent to help make breakfast.
Since we had only a short paddle to where we would be picked up, we cleaned up the camp site slowly, taking time out for swimming and playing games in the woods.
Four of us wanted to take a last swim so Jim agreed to be our lifeguard. The water was really cold and the air temperature hadn't warmed up completely yet so we spent most of our time on shore. We even stood around naked, comparing dicks. Peter started talking about how, when he was hard, his penis would stand straight up. He reached down and grabbed it and pulled it up to his belly as a demonstrations. Soon we were all talking about what our boners looked like. I kept looking over at Jim to see what his reaction was, but he pretended that he hadn't heard what we were saying.
I really wanted to touch Jim's penis some more, but knew that I really couldn't without the other guys wondering about me. I thought that Jim would think it was okay.
Then it was time to get dressed. I was really sad that I had to put clothes on again. I think that being naked in the wilderness is one of the neatest feelings ever, especially with all those other naked boys and men, too.
As I was getting dressed, far from the other kids, Jim walked by. I really wanted to touch him and have him touch me. So, instead of putting on my shorts, I stuck both hands inside my boxers and began playing with my penis. I watched his eyes to see if he would look. He did and walked over to me.
"Al. What you're doing, it's okay," he said nervously, "but it's not something you should be doing here.
"It's really cool that you feel comfortable enough to do that, but other people might take it the wrong way. Some people think that kind of thing is wrong so make sure you wait until you are alone. Okay?"
I nodded, a bit disappointed.
He continued, "All the boys do it, and even us couselors do it. But, for some reason, people think it should be done in private."
I said okay, kind of disappointed and got dressed, trying to imagine the counselors beating their meat.
We loaded the canoes for the short journey to our take out point. As we paddled, we ran into more and more people and eventually a bunch of loud, noisy motor boats. We even saw an RV with a satellite dish on it! All these people who hadn't made the effort would never known what camping in the wilderness really is like.
Jim's advice has been good and I have remembered it. I have seen other campers do and say things that gave them bad reputations. It turns out that Joe was probably gay because he tried to masturbate in front of other campers a year later and was teased forever whenever there were no counselors around. He had a miserable summer and didn't return the next year.
I am gay, and like it. But my reputation is still good because the counselor talked to me like an adult and told me the best way to act, even when I am horny. I hate having to protect my reputation, but I am really glad that Jim was kind enough to worry about it for me.