Disclaimer: This story isn't meant to imply anything about the sexualities of any members of Nsync.
Author's notes: This is the third installment in the short stories. I hope you've been enjoying them, and I have two more short stories in this series. What has happened in these stories I don't agree with, I believe love is love no matter what form. I hope you enjoy this part especially, it's my favorite, and my favorite song out of them all.
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******** Here I go Restless heart Another lovely misadventure in the dark The ones whose known me when Tell me not to wander down that road again *************
It's not that Lance regretted leaving, he didn't, he was just hurting, and lonely. He didn't care to go meet anyone knew, didn't want to get invovled. He constantly wondered what Justin was doing, what he was thinking, if he even missed him? He wondered if Justin still lived in their house? It had been a year, where would he have gone? If he was still in the house, how did he manage to get to sleep everynight? Did he still keep every memory in his head, just to keep Lance alive in his heart? He wanted to know if Justin wanted to remember what they did as making love, or just sex? If he had regretted it as much as Lance did? It wasn't as if Justin ever made love to him, Lance never let him, he wanted to save "himself". He didn't want it taken from him until he was married, so he planned on letting Justin on their wedding night. But not now, he wasn't supposed to think of Justin, not supposed to feel guilty about leaving him. He knew he still loved Justin, and probably always will, but he had to forget about him, it was wrong.
It went against everything Lance was ever taught, every belief, every rule. But he started thinking the other day about everyone, wondering if they managed to move on? He wondered if they were mad at him for leaving still? Wondered if Justin was mad at him for leaving him, without a notice, or even a note explaining why? He wanted to know if Diane was even worried, if she even cared that he had been missing for over a year? He wanted to know, he wanted to hear Justin's voice again, he wanted to hear Chris' laughter, Joey's advice, Josh's stupidity when it came to jokes, he missed it all. It couldn't hurt to call them, to let them know that he was okay would it? He decided no, they were his friends, they deserved to know he wasn't dead someplace.
********** What they don't know What they can't see It's being on that road that makes me free Some say I'm running But I know I'm falling Back to you **********************
Lances's fingers shook while he dialed the number, that was all still too familar. "Hello?" His angel's voice, all that could get him through days sometimes, and there it was again, only a phone call away. "Justin?" "Lance?, oh my god, it that you?" "Yeah, Just, it's me." He tried to hold back the tears, but the fell, and at rapid speed. "Where have you been? Why did you leave? Do you still love me? What took you so long?"Justin rattled off the questions. "One at a time silly, I'm in California." "Why are you in California, you hate California!" Justin laughed through his tears. "I needed to get as far away from there as I could." "Why, what did I do to make you wanna leave?" his voice so quiet. "You did nothing, look, I just realized that it was wrong, and didn't want to lead you on, and no I don't love you anymore." "Then why did you even call?" his voice was strong now, but cold. Lance sighed, "I just wanted to let you all know I was okay." "Thanks for the update, bye James." "Justin wait, why did you just call me James?" "Because you're your mother's son, and your name is James." he said, and hung up the phone.
What have I done? He thought to himself, why did he just tell Justin he didn't love him anymore, when in fact he knew he did? He figured it was better to just let it go, and forget about them all together. No matter how much it hurt, or how much it tore him apart. But he couldn't ever forget the little voice in his head that keeps telling him over and over....go home.
********* The water's deep under the bridge As I pass by our old house upon the ridge All our sins have washed away Now all that's left are all the words I didn't say ***************
It took Lance two days to figure out not matter how he tried, or how much time passed, he couldn't fall out of love with Justin. It was a constant thing, constantly thinking about him, constantly telling himself that he DIDN'T love Justin, when his heart kept tell him he did. Everything reminded him of Justin, the kitchen table, his bedroom, the oven, the stove, the microwave, constant reminders of things he could be doing with Justin. He wished he would've told him he loved him when he called him, Justin still loved him, and he still loved Justin, but he was too stupid to listen to his heart; he was a fool.
He thought about the last time he saw Justin, it was the press conference. When they announced Nsync was on a hiatus, not broken up, because they all knew Lance, better than Lance did, and knew he was going to come home. He wanted to hold Justin again, wanted to kiss his sweet lips, touch his soft skin, he had to go home, he couldn't live another day without Justin beside him. He doesn't care what anyone thinks, if this is what makes him happy, screw the rules, and his beliefs. He'll alter them if he has too, love has no boundaries, and his had been exceeded, and he stepped away. He couldn't handle not hearing his voice, or seeing his face another day. He knew what he had to do, and didn't hesitate doing it.
"hello?" "Mom?" "James, honey where are you?" "Mom, I'm going home." "I knew you would, everything is just like you left it honey." "No mom, I'm going home, as in Florida, as in Justin" "I thought you said you realized what you did wrong? I thought you said you had to leave that place, you had to go home?" "Mom, that is my home, it took me a year to realize it,but Florida is my home, those people love me more than anyone ever has. Justin is my life, and if you can't accept that, then I'm not your son, and don't ever try to get in contact with me ever again. This is your last chance mom, I'm your only son, remember that." There was silence on the other end, and Lance was scared, scared that he would lose his mother forever, all over again. "I don't wanna lose you again James. I have been living a year scared that you were dead, that you hated me. I don't hate you sweetie, I'm sorry for what I did; I just didn't know how else to react. Please say you'll forgive me, it took your father to get me to see the same little boy that I raised. I'm so sorry for the year that we lost, and me making you run away from your friends, and your...boy..friend." Tears fell from his eyes, "You mean you still love me, and love me even though I love Justin?" "Yes sweetie, love whoever you want. I'm sorry for making you think that you had to do everything perfect your entire life for me, I would've loved you anyway, I just never told you. Your welcome back home anytime you want, and so is Justin, I'd like to get to know the man that has stolen my baby's heart." "I'm going to let you go momma, but I'll call you later, I need to talk to them, to him." "I understand baby, you go ahead, I'll be waiting for your call, I love you sweetheart." "Love you too momma, bye"
Lance felt a weight lift from his shoulders, he was so relieved, he just hoped Justin would welcome him back with the same love and acceptance, and understanding.
"hello?" "Justin, baby, I'm coming home, back to you." "Lance, is that you, are you really coming home?" "Yeah, I'm coming home, and I do love you, it took me a year to figure out how much, but I do. I'm sorry I made you doubt it, it's been the worst two days in my life, and the loneliest year. I'm coming home, and my mom said she loves you and me, and is sorry for everything she did. She said we're both welcome in her house anytime. How does that sound?" He heard silence once again...and was scared. "I...can't ...believe ...you're ....telling ....me this, " he stuttered through tears, "I've missed you...so much. I'm so happy your mother forgave you...and we'll visit her, but you need to get your ass back where it belongs...with me." "I will, I'll see you in a couple hours baby, okay?' "Okay, I love you Lance." "I always have and always will Curly." "Bye" He hung up the phone and grabbed his bags, and headed back home.
************* Against all odds I'll roll the dice I guess my heart has won despite all good advice I'll grab my things, and come back in And get to know you once again
When does a fool, stop being a fool? And since when is love obliged to any rules? Some say I'm running But I know I'm just falling Back to you ***************************
Written By: Brent Bourgeois/Micheal W. Smith With provisions by: Mandi Performed by: Martina McBride Album: Evolution
To be continued.............