This story is not meant to imply anything about the members of NSync's sexualities.
This is the second short story in the series that I'm writing. I hope you enjoy...and "It's not just me" is planned to be updated within the next two weeks.
"Wrong Again"
*********** From the day we met You made me forget All my fears Knew just what to say And you kissed away My fears ***************
Justin didn't think Lance would ever leave, he thought maybe he pushed him away. After all, Justin did leave him for two months in the begining, blaming him for making Justin love him. He thought Lance was okay, with what his mother said, he told him he was. But, apparantly he wasn't, obviously it hurt him more than he ever let on, more than he ever let Justin know. He walked around with this on his shoulders, constantly thinking about what his mother thought about him, not caring that it was tearing him apart. What bugged Justin the most is he never caught on, he never saw it. He supposidly loved this man with all his heart, and never saw he was in pain, no wonder he left.
He had sent Justin to his mother's house, claming that she had come to HER senses, and wanted to apologize. He declined Justin's offer to attend, he said it would probably be easier if he didn't go, not flaunt it all in his mother's face at once. Justin agreed, it sounded logical, it he knew then what he knows now, he would've never went out the door. Justin's mother didn't understand a word Justin was saying, she said she never planned on apologizing, that's what he was here for. He was confused, why would his mother expect an apology from him? Then she proceeded to tell him how proud she was of him, that he repented of his ways, and go his life back on track. He nearly laughed in her face, who in the hell gave her the idea that he was here to repent of his ways? Then a thought crossed his mind, well rather a person, and he immediatly grew frantic, why would Lance tell her something like that?
"Where's Lance?" "What are you talking about Justin, what does this have to do with Lance?" He rubbed his hands over his eyes, and took a deep breath, "Look, I am not here to repent of my ways, or say I was living in sin, I wasn't. I just want to know if Lance told you this?" "He told me you were coming home because you both had agreed that you were living in sin, and wanted to make things right, and he was leaving Florida." she said, getting agitated, who was Justin to second guess her. "Why would he do this? I don't want him to leave, why did I do?" He said tears forming in his eyes. "Yes you do, you need to start your life over, you need to make your peace with God." "Fuck God, and Fuck you! Don't stand there and tell me how to live my damn life, I am doing NOTHING wrong, you understand? NOTHING!!!"he said meeting her eye to eye. "Don't speak to me like that young man, not in my house will I tolerate such words!" "Then I'm leaving, like I should have done a long time ago. I've known I was gay for a long time, and hid it, I hid the way I was, afraid you'd turn against me. Josh tried to assure me that you wouldn't, that you love me, obviously you don't. Good-bye Lynn." he turned to walk out the door when she stopped him. "Call me mommy before you leave, please Justin, before you walk out that door, tell me you still love me, that you still love your mommy?" she pleaded. "No, and I'm not your son, good-bye Lynn." with that he walked out the door.
************ I knew this time I had found Someone to build my life around Who'd be a lover and a friend After all my heart has put me through I knew that it was safe with you And what we had would never end .........wrong again ********************
Justin still cried at the thought of his mother, she still was his mother, and in a weird way he still loved her. He wanted so badly to tell her that, but he couldn't, and knew it wasn't the right thing to do. She had turned away from him, tossed him into the world without a coat to keep him warm. After his mother turned against him, he thought he could count on Lance, Lance had been there when he told his mother, and he knew how he felt. So why would he leave for the very reason he stayed for so many years.
Justin had given Lance everything, his heart, his soul, his whole world.
All he got in return was the same heartache that supposidly led him to Lance in the first place. Britney had broken his heart, and he firstly ran to Josh, Josh knew the true nature of his feelings, as did Britney. She simply wanted to date other men, and told Justin so, and he smiled and let her go, he couldn't hold her anymore. But when he ran to Josh, he wasn't home, he was out with Bobbie, Justin had forgot. The only other place he knew to go was Lance's, and he didn't want to. He had always known he felt things for Lance, for men, but hid it; afraid of the reaction. Josh had found out when he was cleaning Justin's room when he was sick, and found Playgirl underneath his mattress, instead of Playboy. He just laughed at Justin, then held him as he cried, for JC also knew, he couldn't tell his mother. But he tried to convince the boy that he could, that his mother loved him and wouldn't turn on him. But JC was wrong, and everything he said his mother wouldn't do, she did.
Justin showed up on Lance's porch, fully telling himself he was going to tell Lance how he feels, he couldn't hold it in anymore. He and Lance had talked for a while, he told Lance what had happened between he and Britney. When he asked him why she broke up with him, it all just came out.
"I'm gay Lance" Lance just sat there for a second, and Justin wondered if he was disgusted. "So, what's your point?" "You don't care?" "Why would I, I'm gay." Justin breathed a sigh of relief, he now had someone to talk to. "Lance, I don't think you understand what I"m saying." "Your gay, did I get it all?" Lance said laughing. "I'm in love with someone, and I don't know how to tell them." "Just tell them, I'm sure he won't mind, why would he....is he in the group?" "Yeah, he is." "Your in love with Josh aren't you." Lance said, praying that Justin said no. "No I'm not." Thank you God. "Then who?" "You" Lance sat there in shock, he was in love with him, with Lance, with him, Justin was in love with him....oh what a wonderful day....haha. "Justin, I don't know what to say, I..." "I'll just leave, I have stuff I need to do anyway." Justin said interupting Lance. Lance grabbed Justin's jaw and his lips found their home. "What I meant to say is, I don't know what to say but....I love you too." Justin just smiled, yeah this was right.
Justin wiped a tear from his eye, why would Lance leave after loving him so much, or if he even loved him at all? Justin quickly put that thought out of his mind, Lance had told him he loved him before he left to see his mother.....but it had been different. He hadn't been telling him he loved him voluntarily anymore, it was the "I love you too's" Lance had been saying. But even with that he seemed, different, distant it seemed. Justin had just shrugged it off, but now wishing he hadn't, wishing he had pressed the subject, looked more into it..but he didn't.
*********** Everybody swore They'd seen this before We'd be fine And you'd come to see that you still loved me In good time *****************
The guys were shocked when Justin told them what happened. Joey was silent, meant he was fit to kill; Josh was relaxed, meant he was thinking; Chris, well Chris was fit to kick ass. But Josh made them all see it from his point of view, Lance was probably just going through his denial period. Because Josh thought that most of all gay men go through a denial period, of course Justin's wasn't to this extreme, but he still had one. It might take some time but he was sure that Lance would come back, he had to. Josh knew that Lance wouldn't just up and leave Justin, and the rest agreed, he wasn't like that. Lance loved Justin, probably more than his own life, and to just throw that all away, along with the group???? It just didn't sound like the Lance he knew.
Joey thought about what could've made him run away, or maybe who could've made him runaway? He rackted his brain, and only came up with one person, and granted, the rest would come up with the same one. Joey still couldn't see why a mother would do such a thing to her child, what posessed them to abandon their children? All the kids want are love and acceptance, what he knows himself, they won't get in the outside world. He vowed if one of his kids found out they were gay, he would support them, he would never turn around and walk away. The more he thought, the angrier he got at Diane and Lynn, and the more he started realize the only person that might have, or could have made him run away....his mother.
As he dialed the number he wondered what he would say, or what she would say, and how close he would come to wanting to tear through the phone and knock her senseless, or knock sense IN to her.
"Hello?" "Is Diane there?" "This is she? May I ask who's calling?" "This is Joey, don't hang up, I'm just worried about Lance." he said praying she wouldn't catch on. "Why would you be worried about him?" she said, her voice laced with ice. "Because I care about him, and want to make sure he's okay." "I don't know where he is if that's what your wanting to know." Joey took a deep breath, he wasn't goin' kill her, he wasn't goin' kill her. "Do you know what happened, why he left all of the sudden?" "He repented of his sins, and moved on away from such a sinful place." she said a slight smile in her voice. "He WhAT???" Joey screamed. "Yes, that's what he did, and I expected him to come home, but I guess not. "Well it isn't his home, he isn't the type to just walk into some stranger's house." he said, now a smile in his voice. "I AM HIS MOTHER!!!" "No your not, you said so yourself. You see, this isn't Lance's decision it's yours, and you brought it upon yourself." "I did not, he was living in sin, and I only want whats best for him." "Well running away from people that love him, isn't what I would say is best." "You don't know my James, he was a good christian boy before he met the likes of you all." she said, anger in her voice. "He hid it from you, because he feared you, he's always been gay. Believe it or not, he's still a christian, because of it. This has nothing to do with us, because we love and accept him for who he is; we don't care who he loves." Joey said, hitting speaker phone. "That little fag Justin made him that way, and he's not anymore, he's a good boy now. He ran away from it, and I'm proud of him." "I AM NOT A FAG!!!" "How did Justin hear that? Joey turn off this speaker phone right now!" "I just wanted everyone to hear what you thought about them, and your own son!" "I am a christian woman, I have done no wrong in raising my son." "Christians don't judge Diane." Josh interupted. "Don't open your mouth again Joshua, I'll call your mother!" "Call her...she's a mother, your nothing!" "I am James' mother, and don't you be telling me I'm not!" "YOUR JUST THE PERSON THAT RAISED HIM, YOU DIDN'T LOVE HIM; GAY OR NOT. EVERYTHING HE DID IN HIS LIFE HE DID FOR YOU....AND YOU TURNED AGAINST HIM...YOUR GONNA ROT IN HELL, AND IF I AM...SO BE IT....I'LL ENJOY WATCHING YOU SUFFER!!!!!" Justin screamed running out of the room. "Good-bye Diane, I'll tell you if LANCE calls us." "He won't call you, not before me, I'm his mother." "He'll call us...we're his FAMILY!" with that he hung up the phone.
************** And they said there's nothing you can do It's something that he's going through It happens to alot of men And I told myself that they were right That you'd wake up and see the light And I just have to wait till then .....wrong again. ************************
Justin walked through the door of their house, half expecting Lance to greet him. But when he didn't, he wasn't completly disapointed. He realized no matter how much he missed him , how much he loved him, it was Lance's choice to come home, no one else's. And if Justin had to learn to live without Lance, then he would; no matter how hard. If this was Lance's denial period, then he'll wait, he'd wait forever. If it was his mother's fault, then he'll never forgive her for that also, and he needed to find Lance to tell him she doesn't matter.
He turned out the light beside him, and nestled into the bed, immedialty grabbing Lance's pillow. The scent itself, was enough to lull him to sleep, everynight. He went to sleep that night praying, like he did everynight, that when he woke up everything would be normal. That he'd wake up in Lance's arms again, and Lance would whisper over and over his undying love for him. He would realize all the heartache, and the loneliness were a dream.....if only.
******** And it seemed to me the pain would last My chance for happiness had passed And nothing waited 'round the bend I was sure I'd never find someone To heal the damage you had done And my poor heart would never mend ...........wrong again *********************
Wrong Again written by: Tommy Lee James/Cynthis Weil. Performed by: Martina McBride