I don't know anyone in Nsync, nor do I mean to imply anything about their personalities.
This is the first short story in a series of short stories, all from songs, all connected. I'm having a minor writer's block for "It's not just me" so I'm taking a break from it to write these. I usually put who sings the songs I write about, so if I forget to mention anyone, then please remind me, sometimes I forget. If you wanna hear this song, go buy the album, it's great.
Movin' On
*********************************************** I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't Stopped to fill up on my way out of town I've loved like I should But lived like I shouldn't I had to lose everything to find out Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road I'm movin' on **********************************************
He put put the last of the boxes in the trunk of his car, closing it and facing the house once again. He didn't really want to leave, but he knew he had to, he had to get away. He broke the news to the rest of the guys yesterday, simply told them that he had to leave, it just wasn't any fun anymore. His other half didn't even know, and was so confused as to why he didn't bother to tell him? He had convinced him that his mother wanted to see him, and that he knew would get him to leave, because the man's mother swore to never speak to him again. It had been about a year since he told his mother that he was gay, and the man's mother didn't take to well to it. So he just called her and told her that her son had realized what he had been doing and was coming to see her, and not to say much of anything to him, until he called her back to tell her that he was gone. He knew this was for the best, and kept telling himself that, with every little bit of memories he packed up in the boxes, he had to tell himself, this is what's supposed to be.
He was so in love with Justin, wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, and wanted his own mother to know, and he got much of the same reaction when he told his mother as when Justin told his. His mother loved him, he knew, he just wanted him to be happy, and she was sure he wasn't with Justin. He had decided this himself, aside from the phone calls he got everyday from his mother, quoting bible verses, leaving messages on their answering machine......those didn't even phase him. He was not only worried about his own soul, but that one of Justin, he knew Justin was religous, and sometimes, he believed he was himself. But to him, it seemed religion was just another set of rules someone thought up to control us all even more. But to tell that to his mother would be disasterous, so he kept it to himself, and knew this is what he had to do.
************************************** I've been burdened with blame Trapped in the past for too long I'm movin' on I've lived in this place and I know all the faces Each one is different but thier always the same They mean me no harm But it's time that I face it They'll never allow me to change ******************************************
He walked back through the house one more time, looking at all the pictures on the wall, the memories attached to every little thing in the house. The living room, where Justin had proposed, the kitchen, the first place they had sex in the house. The stairs, where they had sex after coming back from tour, not being able to touch eachother for two months. His office, Justin loved to interupt him when he was busy, simply because he thought he worked too much. The dining room, the place where Justin was disowned from his family, and he his own. Their bedroom......I think you know the memories in there. The bathroom, the computer room...all of them had their own signifigance. He saw a picture of the five of them out of the corner of his eye, he stared for a while, wondering what each of them are going to do now? But he knew he couldn't continue in that kind of atmosphere, especially with him there, he would resume the lifestyle he had before.
His mother tried to convince herself that he was just going through a phase, and after awhile, he started to believe it himself, that this was just what seemed right at the time. But soon, he started seeing himself less and less attracted to Justin, and more and more in love with him. It stopped being physical, yes he still found Justin attractive, but it was what he did, that was more attractive to him. He tried to tell himself that Justin was a man, he wasn't supposed to be attracted to a man, and then it started to sink in. He just couldn't lead Justin on anymore, he couldn't keep him thinking that he loved him, when in fact he didn't. He could say he did love him at one time, but now it was just wrong, and he couldn't do it anymore.
********************************** But I never dreamed Home would end up where I don't belong I'm movin on ************************************
He could still hear his mother's words in his ears, telling him that being a fag was wrong, and he was going to hell for being like this. No matter how much it hurt to hear, in a way he knew it was true, his mother wouldn't lie to him would she? All his life he was told he wasn't allowed to like boys, and when he found himself liking them, he would surround himself with more girls than boys. He didn't ever find anything wrong with it, he thought love was love, no matter what form it came in. He was sure no matter what your parents were supposed to love you, unconditionally. For as far back as he could remember, everything he ever did, was to please his mother, even though nothing he did ever could. That's when he realized that he couldn't go home, he didn't belong at home, it wasn't his anymore. He just couldn't step back into a life that he tried so hard to get rid of, so he bought a plane ticket for California instead. He wiped his eyes, and grabbed his bags, shipping the rest out to the apartment he found in California, and stepped into the terminal, not looking back.
He smiled for Justin, knowing he was doing this more for him than himself, Justin was too young to be tied down, and forced into this way of loving. He just didn't want to sit around, and do the same thing over and over again, nothing changes. He knew what was going to happen everyday, and how everything he did would turn out, and he didn't want that. He wanted to simply be normal, he had to come to grips that those days are long gone, and he had to become another person, so to speak. So leaving now, would save him from heartache later, when Justin realized that this isn't what he wants, he wants more. With a heavy heart he sighed and leaned against the window, wishing somehow that he could have everything he wanted, but knew not even for Lance Bass, could that happen.
********************************************** I'm movin' on At last I could see life has been patiently waiting for me And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone There comes a time in everyone's life When all they can see are the years passing by And I have made up my mind that those days are gone I'm movin' on ********************************************
I'm movin' on: written by Phillip White and D. Vincent Williams. Performed by: Rascal Flatts