When I woke up the nwxt morning I just could not believe the things that had happened the night before. It was the most amazing thing, to have made love to the man that I have loved all my life, the man that was always there for me for the most important things. It felt so good to wake up with him in my armss. To feel his skin next to mine, to hear is heart beating. I just laid in bed not wanting to move from this position. I just wanted to lay here forever next to this man. I felt him stir next to me so I ran my hands over his arm, and said
"Hi baby. Did you sleep well?"
"Yes I had the best night sleep ever last night, when I woke up I thought I was still dreaming til I felt you touch my arm. Then I realized that you were real."
I kissed him and pulled him closer to me.
"Baby this is defiantly not a dream. This is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me. I just don't want to move."
"Well I think we need to move and get something to eat because I am starving. But then we can come back to this bed and stay here all day." Johnathan said.
"MMMMM I love the way you think."
We got up and I went into the kitchen to fix breakfast while Johnathan went to take a shower. I was getting stuff out of the fridge and then I said down and started to think. This all just seems to perfect for me, I have never felt something like this before, and I hope that it will never end. I must have been there and thinking for a long time because Johnathan came out.
"Hey dude you still there."
"Oh sorry Johnathan I was just thinking about some stuff. I will start to the food now."
"Ben what where you thinking about?"
"It doesn't matter you don't need to worry about it."
"What did I tell you Ben about not telling me things I always told you to tel me the truth no matter what it was?"
"I know I know. I just don't want to say in case I jinx everything that is happening between us."
"Well Sweetie. I would like to know so please tell me please."
I thought about it, did I want to really tell him the truth, or did I want to make something up. I figured I should just tell the truth because there was no shame it what I was thinking. I knew I would not lose him because of it. SO I took a deep breath and told him.
"Well Johnathan I was thinking the way you made me feel last night, and the way I felt when I woke up next to you. I just couldn't believe that all of it was happening. I have loved you for so long, and the minute I saw you last night it all came back to me. I love you so much I want you to be mine for now and for always. There I said what I was thinking I hope you are not put off by it."
"Honey why did you think that you had to hide this from me? I love you to I htought I made that very clear last night. I want to be with you for now and always too."
"I know you said you loved me John but I guess I was just scared that it was a lie or something. I love you, and I am so glad that you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you." I walked over to him and pulled him into me, and then he kissed me with more passion then I had ever been kissed with before. I knew that nothing was ever going to hurt me or him again. I knew we would always been together.
After we made breakfast we went back to bed and have some more fun. We kissed and licked and sucked and made love till we were both so tired out. We then went and took a nap.
Things between me and Johnathan were going so well. We planed on moving me into his apartment, and then starting a new life together. We were so happy. We both made each feel like nothing in this world was every going to hurt us again. Deep down inside though I was scared. I was scared that something was going to happen. Every time in my life I allowed myself to be truly happy something bad happened. I was never going to allow that to happen to me now. I just could not bare to be taken away from Johnathan again.
After I moved into Johnathans my work schedual got crazy. I was graduating from school, and studying for the bar, and still had to work it was just, but I was happy as long as I got to go home to Johnathan the man that I had loved forever.
One night I had to work really late, and Johnathan said he would pick me up so I didn't have to walk, I said no way I can walk it isnt that far away from here.
"Baby I don't want you to walk something bad could happen to you."
"Johnathan I have done this before nothing will happen I promise you that."
"Find if youw ant to walk then walk he said. I knew he was mad but I just wanted to walk.
I left the building around 11. The streets I had to walk on were pretty quiet. The moon was bright, and the stars were so pretty. I walked through the streets just thinking of Johnathan, and how much I loved that man. I was walking minding my own business when all of a sudden someone pushed to against a wall, and started beating me. He slapped me, and hit me, and punched me in the face the stomach. He then pushed me to the ground calling me faggot, and any other name that you culd possibly imagine. He then got on top of me and ripped my shirt and tore my pants off, grabbed my legs through them over his shouder and took his pants down and rammed his cock into my ass. It hurt so bad I just wanted to die. I could not believe this was happening to me. I was so scared I was just laying there while he fucked me crying screaming no get off me. He then took a knife out of his pocket held it to my face saying if I told any one about this he would find me and kill me. He then punched me so hard in the face I blacked out.
I didn't know how long I had been laying there before someone came along and found me. I heard them say "hold on you will be okay. I am going to call the police and the ambulance. Just hold on." I was still so scared I thought I was going to die. I just past back out. The next thing I knew I was in the hopsital with Johnathan next to me. He was crying into his hand, when I finally spoke to him.
"Oh Johnathan I was so scared I was never going to see you again. Please come hug me."
"Oh baby when I heard about this I just wanted to find who ever did this to you ang kill them." He said.
He came over and hugged me and we just sat there and cried into eachothers arms till I feel asleep. When I woke up he was gone, and there were so many police in my room asking me questions. I told them all I knew and coujld remember., They said they would get this guy some how. I was still in so much pain I just wanted to sleep till it was all gone. Johnathan came back that night and stayed all night. The next day the doctors said I could go home, I was just not allowed to do to much. I needed rest and lots of it.
For the next month or so I went through so many emotions. I was angry, and sad, and hurt. I just did not know what to do. I was afraid to go near anyone at night, I wouldn't even let Johnathan touch me every time he did I kept bring back those awful memories of the night I was rapped. I just couldn't let him near me. He tried to get me to open up to him. Telling me that if I talked things would be a little better. I wanted to believe him but I couldn't. I started to really push him away. I didn tknow why this was happening to me. I just wanted to love him, he was all that I ever wanted. It just hurt to much to let him touch me. I needed help but I didn twant to get it.
One day Johnathan had enough of me. He had been so patient with me, but he couldn't keep seeing me beating myself up, not letting anyone in. He couldn't take it anymore. He finally decided that he had to leave for a while.
"Ben I am leaving you now. I do not want to but I cant be with someone who will not let me touch them. Someone who will not let me in." I know you were attacked and I understand that, but you won't even try to let me in. So I am going till you are ready to let me in."
I stood there staring at him not knowing what to say. I started to cry. I feel to the ground in front of him.
"Johnathan please stay I love you so much. I cant be with out you again. I need you here. Help me get help. Stay I will get better please don't go. " I got up and went to him and hugged him tighter then ever not wanting him to go.
"Ben I will stay but you need to get some help. Please go see some if not for me but for you."
"Alright I will go to someone. I will just don't leave yet."
"I wont." He kissed me on the cheek and then let me go.
For the next month and a half I had been seeing someone. Telling them about the night of the attack. I told her that I couldn't ever let me lover touch me, it was so scared of it. I knew he would never hurt me but it still scared me. She told me that it was alright to be afraid it was natural but if I didn't let him in some how I was going to lose him, and I know that is not what you want. Those are the things that we continued to talk about ever session I went there. We would get more in depth with some, but I started to work through things.
One night when I was done with my session with the good Dr. I went home to Johnathan. He was in the guest bedroom where he had been sleeping for a while since I couldn't bare him to touch me. He must have had a rough day because was sleeping already. I went into the room and climbed into the bed with him. I just lay there for a while feeling him near me. It was still scary to me but I loved this feeling of being near me. I then started to kiss him. He woke up and looked at me in shock not sure what was happening but he let it go, knowing I needed to do this. I start to kiss him more passionatly. He allowed my tongue to enter his mouth. Then I started kissing down his neck then took off his shirt and kissed down his chest sucked over each nipple. Then I unzipped his pants and slip the pants and boxers of him. I then took him into my mouth. He moaned with pleasure. I lick and sucked him till I was ready for him to make love to me for the first time.
I think got off him and lay down on my back next to him.
"Johnathan I need you. I need to feel you in me tonight. I need to be close to you. Please make love to me."
"Baby are you sure? I don't want you to do anything you arent ready for.."
"Please I need this."
He kissed me, and then pulled me up and took off my shirt and mypants. He then laid me back down gently getting on top of me. He kissed me tenderly and passionatly. He kissed me whole body. Then came to my cock and took me in his mouth. I moaned loudly letting him know I really liked that. He then got up and got some lube. "Are you still sure about this baby?"
"Yes I want to feel you in me, making love to me."
He gently worked the lube into my whole putting one finger in then another. When he throug I was ready he put my leggs over his shoulders, and then lubed his cock, and placed it at the openning. I felt the head start to go through. I started to shake a little, and tears started to run down my face. He saw this because he started to pull out. I grabbed in and kept in near me.
"Please I need this. I wil be okay. I need to know you are in me please."
He looked at me to make sure. I was still crying a little but the shaking went away. He slowly move in a little more letting me relax, then he was in the all the way. He stayed still for a while. Then he started to slowly pump in and out. I started to moan, and breath deeply. I had missed the feeling of him inside me. It was the feeling that I really needed. He started to go faster. I felt him start to tense and as he filled me up with his man juice I let go and climaxe3d with him with out ever being touched. It felt so good. He then lay down next to me holding me. I started to cry again.
"Oh Ben I knew I shoulnt have let you done this you werent ready yet."
"Johnathan I was really ready. I am not crying cause I am sad these are happy tears. You felt so wonderful so gentle. I am glad you made love to me. Please know that."
We just lay there for hours holding each other.
"I love you Johnathan."
"I love you too Baby. Thank you for opening up to me, and letting me make love to you."
We lay like that and feel asleep next to the each other. I was so happy to finally be with my lover again. I love him so much.
I hope you all liked that chapter more will come. If you got suggestions let me know. I Know this one may not have been perfect but I tried. Let me know.