Disclaimer: This story is fiction it is not meant in any way to be truth or speculation about the sexality of any member of N'SYNC (although I can dream and wish). This is a story of a homosexual romance and the love shared between two men. If you are offended by this subject material then please go no further. If you are under the age of 18 please leave now. Otherwise I hope that you enjoy the story.
This is my first attempt at writing a story like this.I don't know if you will enjoy it or not, but I hope that you do. Input is welcome but please remember that this story is created from my own mind and I kind of know where I would like it to go. Also I am already an accomplished writer and poet and the poems you see here are not to be used or distributed without my express permission. They are copywritten by me and use of them or distribution is an offense. My normal forte' when writing is sci-fi fantasy so this is a new area for me. Good or bad your comments are welcome and will decide on if or how this story continues. I am very big on defining the characters I write about, but since this is a work of fiction and I take creative liscense on how the characters are portrayed, then we will just have to see how it progress'. I am not one for the wham-bam-thank you sam type of story. I prefer to build the story and the characters before diving into the sex scenes. I hope you won't be disappointed.
Comments may be sent to firedancer_14@hotmail.com
I only check my e-mail a few times a month so if I don't respond right away please be advised I will as time permits. Author's notes will be at the end of each installment telling of what friends or truths there are in the story. Until then I hope you enjoy the story.
This chapter includes the lyrics to the song "Not That Different" Performed by Collin Raye Written by Karen Taylor-good and Joie Scott.
It is not meant in any way to infringe upon their rights.
Special thanks go out to J, Aphrodite, and Jimmy M. You three and been my biggest supporters and I thank you for all you words of concern and encouragement. With out you three I don't think I would have had the strength or courage to continue the story. I am having a rough time right now and so I ask that if this chapter doesn't meet the same standards as the last six, well, please forgive me. I have a very low level of concentration at the moment and my mind tends to wander. I am also back to some of the bad habits when I go through this time of year. I don't sleep much more than three hours a day because the dreams are so intense. I started to smoke again and I live off of Pepsi and cigarettes. I don't eat for three or four days at a time. It is a normal cycle for me. I feel like I am going through all of this on my own.
The one thing that I hope everyone gets from my story is to not let stereotypes rule your lives. Yes we all have our preferences, but don't close your eyes to those that don't fit that mold. Sometimes there is one person out there that if you open your heart and see them for who they are on the inside and find that even though they may not be physically your type, that maybe the love and caring in their heart is what you are searching for. I hope that maybe somewhere there is someone out there somewhere that relates to this story and realizes that they aren't the only one going through the pain and loneliness. Open your eyes and hearts and see that when you live up to the stereotype there is someone that you are passing over and possibly even slowly killing by making them an outcast in a community that already has too much ridicule against it.
Now on with the story:
Rescue Run Chapter 007 Getting Through
About two hours after I fell asleep I awoke to one of the most annoying noise of the cell phone ringing. I really wasn't in the mood to get up and answer it so I just let it ring. After a few more rings it stopped. I wasn't in the mood to get up so I just layed there trying to go back to sleep only to have the phone start ringing again. Well I might as well answer it, I thought as I crawled out of bed to get it off the dresser.
Hello?
Jim?!?! It is about time you answereed we have been trying to call you for the last hour. Are you okay? Justin and I wanted to check on you with Lance flying out and all.
OH, JC it is you. Sorry you woke me up and I am not quite awake yet so I didn't recognize your voice. Sorry but I am still groggy.
That is ok, but are you okay? he replied.
Please don't start this JC. I am not in the mood to discuss or think about what I am feeling right now. I will be fine. So tell me how was your flight? I asked.
It was okay. We had some bad turbulance at one point which scared the crap out of Justin, but other than that it was an okay trip. we got in around 1:30 in the morning and Joey was waiting at the airport for us. We came straight to the hotel and crashed. He replied. Hold on Justin wants to talk to you.
JIM!!!!!! What is up? You scared me to death when you didn't answer the phone. I was worried about you and I couldn't reach Lance. His phone is turned off. Are you okay??? Do you need anything? Was Lance okay when he left? Did something bad happen?
Whoa, Justin, slow down a little.. Everything is fine, no nothing bad happened, I don't need anything but space, and yes he seemed finewhen he left. Just a little depressed. Would you nad JC please meet him at the airport? I was somewhat depressed, but seemed okay. Listen I need to go. I will talk to you guys later on. Tell JC bye. Have a good night guys. Bye.
With that I hung up the phone and turned over, trying to fight off the tears that were trying to fall. How is it that someone could get inside the walls so fast and so easy? I thought. I have had my walls up for most of my life and no-one has been able to get through them this easy. I don't know if I like this. I don't know if I can handle this. I guess I will have to put them up a little tighter. I don't want anyone to see the real me. I need to go home and throw myself into work and just try to forget the feelings that might be there. I rolled back over and curled up hugging a pillow close and went back to sleep.
Meanwhile in New York:
Justin just kind of stood there with the phone in his hand. He turned to look at JC. I can't believe he just hung up on me, he said. I asked him about things and he just kind of became distant, asked you and I to be at the airport to pick up Lance and then just hung up.
Kevin warned us that this would happen, JC replied. He warned us that if Jim felt like he was becoming to close that he would try and shut us out. We just have to keep trying and not let it happen. If Lance really is falling for Jim then he is going to need our support and help to bring Jim around. Kevin said that he would help as much as possible, but Jim knows Kevin too well and can tell when he is up to something.
Yeah, but with our schedules how can we help? Justin asked. I mean here we are in New York. We are going to be home for Thanksgiving and then back on the road again until after New Years. We have time off thanks to the incedent in Las Vegas, but we need to spend time with our families too. Jim even made me promise to make sure that we all went to see them.
I know, JC stated, but that doesn't stop us from calling, sending cards, or writing e-mails. We need to work hard at this. For Lance's sake and for Jim's. Kevin was telling me alot about Jim's past. There is a lot of heartache, pain and loneliness in his heart and that is why he pushes everyone away. He is scared of being let down and abandoned again and that there is no-one out there willing to share the pain. Kevin told me that when Jim's parents died, that he went through it all on his own. His brothers and sisters were all wrapped up in their own families and didn't have time for him. Non of Jim's friends, including Kevin, had lost anyone close before and so they didn't understand it. That is why it is taking him so long to come to terms with their deaths.
I know. Kevin told me about that stuff too, Justin replied. He also that after Jim's break-up with Mike that Jim became suicidal for a long time. He said that as certain holidays and dates during the year come around that he fights getting that bad again, but is always on the verge of it. What makes it even worse is the way they are spread out through the year. Jim only has about three months out of the year when there isn't some kind of reminder. Oh and I asked him about Mike. Kev said that when they first got together that it was the happiest he had seen Jim in years and then the games started.
Yeah, he mentioned that. He said that was one of the reasons that Jim is afraid to let Lance in is because he is afraid that there will be a lot of game playing. All we can do is help Lance prove that there are true feelings there and that it is Jim he wants to share them with. JC stated.
Well I think that when Lance gets here we need to have a group meeting and really discuss this all out. All five of us need to sit and see how we all really feel about Jim. I know that you and I want him in our lives. He has already proven that he doesn't want to know us because of our fame. How many people do you know that would have the nerve to tell us off like that on a first meeting. I think it even impressed Joey and Chris. Justin remarked.
I agree, JC said. Now I think we need to go do some shopping and get some cards to send Jim and see about getting more of our Christmas shopping done. Then I want to come back and get some sleep before we have to go and get Lance.
Yeah, yeah, you just want to get as much sleep as possible. Justin teased. Fine you can be sleeping beauty and I will be Prince Charming.
You are always my Prince Charming, JC stated, as he gave Justin a kiss and dragged him ouot the door.
Meanwhile McCarren Airport in Las Vegas.
Last call for flight 2706 headed for New York the speakers called.
Lance gave Kevin and Arron a hug as he headed for the gate.
Remember what we told you about Jim. He is going to throw those walls up hard and it will feel like you are getting nowhere, but as long as you remember what a romantic he is and keep trying you will get through. His favorite flowers are roses. It is something that carries over from his mother. If you get a chance to make any tapes send them to him. He is a sucker for music. He has always used it to express what he feels and if you do it too you will get in his defenses.
I will guys and thanks for everything. Lance said as he ran for the gate.
Finding his seat, Lance looked out the window and started to cry. No-one in a long time had ever touched his heart like this. I don't know where this is going to lead, but I have to try. There is something about Jim. Even with all he has been through, he has an inner strenght and fire that keeps him going. He can be funny and yet serious. He is caring and sweet. He has so many good qualities that he just doen't see. I didn't think I could fall for anyone that looked like him and yet I find myself undeniably attracted to him. The person on the inside just seems to shine and it makes him the most beautiful person I know. We come from two different walks of life and yet we aren't that different.
Lance pulled out his discman and started to thumg through his disc wallet. He pulled out his Collin Raye cd and popped it in the player flipping to track two Lance sat and listened to the words letting his thoughts drift.
Not That Different
She said we're much too different we're from two seperate worlds And he admitted she was partly right But in his heart's defense he told her what they had in common Was strong enough to bond them for life He said look behind your own soul and the person that you'll see Just might remind you of me
chorus: I laugh, I love, I hope, I try I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry And I know you do the same things too So we're really not that different, me and you
She could hardly argue with his pure and simple logic But logic never could convince a heart Shae had always dreamed of loving someone more exotic And he just didn't seem to fit the part So she searched for greener pastures, but never could forget What he whispered when she left
chorus: I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry And I know you do the same things too So we're really not that different, me and you
Was it time or was it truth Maybe both led her back to his door As her tears fell at his feet She didn't say "I love you" what she said meant even more
chorus: I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry And I know you feel the same things too So we're really not that different
No we're really not that different, me and you
I just hope that Jim realizes that we really aren't that different and opens his heart and lets me in. Lance thought as he fell asleep for the first part of his flight.
Lance arrived in New york at around 6:30 in the evening to find JC and Justin waiting for him. Seeing them Lance broke down into tears as JC pulled him into a hug. Justin rubbed his back as the emotions let loose.
I miss him already, Lance cried. How could someone have affected me in so short a time? I really think that I am falling for him. There is something about him that makes it so you just can't help but love him. I don't get it. The time we spent there you could see that he was ready to crumble and yet he wouldn't let it get the best of him and tried to hide it at all times. How can someone be that strong willed with all he has been through.
Well Kevin did say that Jim looks at it as a challenge. Justin said. He feels that the pain only makes him stronger and that he has to survive it to help others. That is probably one of Jim's biggest faults is helping others before helping himself.
Chris, Joey, Justin and I talked earlier, but all five of us are going to have a meeting at breakfast. JC stated. We have decided that we are going to help Jim find his love again, and if you are the one for him to love you had better be ready for the ride. You really need to think about how you feel and be sure if you want him or not. If you hurt him you will be on our shit list for quite a while. You are our brother, but Jim means a lot to us now too. Look at what he has done for all of us. I can't bear the thought of him getting hurt anymore than he has been.
I know. I don't want him to get hurt either. Lance said. I want him in my life forever, but will he let me in as more than a friend. He has those walls up so tight. How do I get through.
I think you already are. Justin said. We called him to see if he was okay and he hung up on me. He wouldn't talk and I know that it is because he feels he is already getting too close. Just keep being yourself and as long as none of us give up, Jim will be a part of our lives and a big part of yours. By the way don't be too mad at me.
Why what did you do? Lance asked.
Well I sent him two dozen red roses and had the card signed from Jamey.
WHAT?!?!?! I mean I am flattered you thought to do that from me, but don't you think that he will feel like I am pushing or rushing him.
No, I think he will take it as a show of affection and that you really do care. Remember he is a romantic. It is something that even with his walls up will show that you care.Justin said. Now come on, we are meeting Joey, Chris and Todd for dinner and then we have to hit the sack. Todd wants us at rehearsal at 6:30 in the morning.
The guys head out to get Lance's bags and off to dinner. Crashing at the hotel Lance's mind was filled with what he was going to do to prove to Jim that he loved him.
At lunch the following day Lance tried calling on the cell, but it said that the user was not available. He called Kevin's and left a message for Jim to call as soon as he got the chance.
Two weeks later:
Hello?
Hi Jamey? Hey how are you doing.?
Jim?!?!?!
Yeah it's me. How was your Thanksgiving?
Why haven't you called or returned any of ours. Why haven't you responded to us?
Well to be honest I needed some time to think things through and I felt you needed the time to sort things out too. But as fate would have it two little busy bodies had to stop in and make me feel guilty and give you a call.
What??? Who stopped in?
Why don't you let them say hello... HI LANCE!! Joey and Chris yelled from the background.
What are they doing there? Lance asked.
Well apparantly they decided that I was hiding and came to make me go do something with them. So the three of us are going to go to the movies tonight. You know......I really do miss you. I will admit this, don't stop what you are doing. I feel better each time I hear from you. I know that I care about you, but I have to take this at my pace. I am sorry if it is hard on you, but you need to understand where I am coming from. Please don't cry. I can hear you even though you are trying to muffle it.
I want you to know that I do love you and will do everything I can to prove it. Lance stated. No matter how long it takes. I know what you went through, but I want to be there to help and to hold you when it starts to become too much.
I know, but just knowing that you care and that you want to be there helps. What I really want you to do is take care of yourself and enjoy the time with your family. Chris filled me in that you guys are going to start finishing the tour next week. I am glad to hear that you are doing better and the show is going on. I want you to just hang in there and know that I do care and that I will be here for you if you need me. The guys are trying to rush me out the door. I will write you in a couple of days ok??
Okay. I love you. Be careful and write me soon.
Good night hon.
Good night. _____________________________________________________________________________
Well there is Chapter 7. I hope it met with everyones expectations. Coming soon will be chapter 8. Some of the story line will bounce around a little as I try and catch up to more current times and also have the guys tell their parents. Just hang in there with me. As I have said this is a bad time of year for me and gets somewhat worse as I approach another b-day alone. It falls on Father's Day this year which makes it hard and also my dad's b-day is only four days later. Last year was bad as everyone here, family and friends forgot about it. Really made the all alone in this world sink in so I am just taking one day at a time. I never expect anything from anyone, but a simple phone call just to say happy birthday would have been nice. I am waiting to see how they do this year, because they all keep mentioning that it is coming up. Some of the people from work and Kev and Arron tell me that they are going to find me a bf for my birthday..... YEAH RIGHT!!!!! Can we say take a look at reality....