Chapter 14: Family
Dear Mr. Lane,
Family to me is someone who loves you for you. They don't care what you've done in the past or...
Crap I can't say that. I'm literally plagiarizing what Carver told me. It's been two days and I've literally been under house arrest the whole time. My aunt took my phone so I don't get distracted. I guess she didn't think of shutting it off cause Carver kept texting me. She only gave me my phone back for like a second because he started sending me nudes. He never actually got to sending me an actual dick pic though. I had to tell him about my situation but I will never forget the horror in my aunt's face when she kept seeing naked shots of Carver blow up on my screen. I guess both of them will be scarred for life after this.
Dear Mr. Lane,
Family to me is...well it's hard to describe. I mean family could be anything right? It could be your parents or your grandparents as long as they're...related?
Crap, why is this so hard? This is literally the same answer I gave him but with way more words. I'm practically stalling at this point. The only thing that's easy about this damn assignment is who this letter is addressed to. I should have just paid attention in class and I would never be in this god awful situation. Think Fang, think!
Dear Mr. Lane,
I will not be doing this assignment because I'm such an idiot and I hate you and your stupid class. Just give me the F I deserve. I still don't understand the assignment and the longer I stare at this stupid screen, the more frustrated I get for doing it.
Also I can't believe you blabbed to my aunt. Don't you think it would have been better for me to just tell her myself? Wouldn't that have been the honorable thing to do?
Speaking of, are you the one who keeps calling her at night? It's always Paul this and Paul that. Who are you to her? Are you guys best friends now or something else? The way she talks about you makes me believe there's something going on between you two. If there is, maybe we really could forget this whole assignment and you can just give me an A anyway. Sound like a deal?
Thanks,
Fang V. LeVang
As I lied back against the headboard, there were two soft knocks at my door. The door opened and my aunt poked her head in.
"So how's the assignment going?"
"It's not. I can't think of anything. What's it called when you can't write anything? Writer's block? I think I have that." I said staring at the popcorn ceiling.
"That's strange. It's been two days and you haven't thought of anything?"
"Unless you count my angry letter to your friend," I said turning to her. "But other than that, I've tried everything and I can't think of one thing to write to him."
"You wrote him an angry letter? Care if I read it before you send it? I should proofread it first," she joked.
"What's going on between you two?" I asked sitting up.
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean. He's been calling you the past two nights. You guys literally fall asleep on the phone."
"You heard our conversation?"
"Well, no. I didn't hear what you guys were talking about but anything that lasts all night long is suspicious. Are you two dating?"
"That's none of your business."
"Oh my god you guys are dating!"
Well I'm no longer hot for teacher that's for sure. I mean I really shouldn't be since I have Carver already. Ugh, I miss him so much. If only I could find a way to take my phone back.
"No, we're not dating. We're just...talking. I'm allowed to talk to other people you know."
"Can you at least convince him to forget about this assignment? I'd like to reap in the benefits of you two being an item."
"Like I said, we're not dating but you can tell me that yourself tonight," she said with her lips pulled back.
"What are you talking about?"
"I may have invited him to dinner tonight."
"You did what? Mr. Lane is coming here? Tonight?" I asked freaked out. "He's definitely your boyfriend!"
"Well he doesn't have any family in town and we're going to have plenty of food here tonight so I figured why not? Plus this will give you a better opportunity to get to know him better."
"Why would I want to know him better? He's my teacher!"
"Well he's coming now so I would suggest that you get something done just in case he asks you about it tonight," my aunt said as she closed the door behind her.
"He's a teacher! Of course he's gonna ask about it!" I screamed at the door.
Frustrated and irritated, I grabbed one of the pillows on my bed and screamed into it. Why? Why does this have to happen to me? I need another day or something. But now he's gonna ask me the same question tonight and I'm gonna freeze. I just know it. I'm either gonna freeze or rehash what I said and what Carver told me.
Right as I was about to scream into my pillow again, there was an incessant round of knocks at my door. Probably my aunt again. Don't know why she felt the need to change the rhythm of her knocks this time but I definitely wasn't in the mood for another talk. What? Did she invite the Foxes or the Hamptons too? I'd rather die than be here with either of those families. I ended up just turning over to my left side with the pillow still pushed against my face. My ears perked up when I heard my door creak open and a shuffle of footsteps right behind me. I could feel a presence right behind me. I still didn't bother to look though. It wasn't until I felt whoever was behind me jump into bed with me knocking the pillow out of my hands. It was Carver.
"Everything okay?"
"Carver? When did you get here?" I asked clutching the pillow against my chest.
"Oh we just got here. We walked in right when I heard a muffled scream coming from your room. My grandparents are helping your aunt prep right now," he said rubbing my arm. "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah everything's fine."
"So why were you screaming then?"
I sighed and then rested my head on his chest.
"I'm still struggling with the assignment and the icing on the cake is he's coming tonight for dinner."
"He who? Mr. Lane?"
"Yeah. Surprise surprise, he's dating my aunt."
"Wait really? Wow, hm okay. I think they make a cute couple. He's hot and she's really pretty. I hope you're not mad that I think he's hot."
"Carver."
"I think the whole school has the hots for him honestly. I'm really happy they actually found each other. I always thought he was a bit of a loner."
"Carver!"
"Oh sorry, sorry. Was I rambling?"
"Yeah, you were rambling and trust me I'm not mad that you think Mr. Lane's hot. I may have had some thoughts about him during our little talk," I confessed. "Look I'm happy my aunt found someone. I'm just not sure how I feel about it being our teacher though. But what I'm more irked about is how this one question is kicking my ass and I can't. I just can't. If he asks me about it tonight I know I'm gonna make a fool out of myself. I just wish I were smarter."
"I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself, Fang. You are smart."
"Just not smart enough to answer the question."
"Well did you take my advice? Did you ask anyone else?"
"How could I? My aunt took away my phone and I've been under house arrest ever since you dropped me off the other day."
"How about we sneak you out today? We'll come back before anyone notices we're even gone."
"That's very tempting, but if we get caught I'll actually get grounded and I'll never you again...well except for school. Unless she pulls me out and decides to homeschool me again."
"Well then she'll have to homeschool me too then cause I'm not going back without you."
"As sweet as that is, I don't think that's how it works," I said flashing a smirk.
"They will have to drag me out of here kicking and screaming if they think they can just split us up. It was hard enough not talking to you these past two days. Can you imagine what it'd be like if something happens and we end up in different schools? I would lose my mind."
"Carver--"
"I know, I'm rambling again and I'm showing my clingy side but I really can't imagine us being apart. I need to see you or at least hear your voice. I know we've only been dating for a short time but I just--I just can't imagine you being out of my life. You mean so much to me and I should have told you this the other day but you're my family too."
"Me? B-But I-I uh wow um," I froze. I honestly couldn't find the right words. He considers me family? It's making me wonder if it's not a bad idea to consider my friends as family. I just never thought it would be the right thing to say.
"I-If that's too much for you I completely understand. I just--," he paused and looked at me for approval. I just lied there frozen overwhelmed by everything. Just say something Fang. Anything!
"Um no--"
"No, it's too much or--"
"No, I-I mean, yes I-I--I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm not against you claiming me as family. I just don't know where I stand on it personally. I've never really thought about my family and then Mr. Lane made me think about it and now you're saying that I'm part of your family. It's just a lot to process in such a short amount of time."
"Oh okay uh yeah I-I get it," he said sounding almost defeated. He sat up and opened his mouth like he was gonna add something else to the conversation but ended up not saying a single thing.
"Carver wait," I said sitting up and grabbing his shoulder. "I-I don't want you to get any wrong ideas. I'm really touched that you consider me family, honored even. I just don't know whe--"
"I get it, I do. As long as you love me that's all that matters. So even though you don't think of me the same way that I think of you right now, I'll still be here when you do. I'm not leaving."
"Thanks."
"Of course. So what should we do now?" he asked placing his hand on mine.
"Oh good god! I knew I should have taken away your door too," my aunt said stopping at my door. She palmed her eyes with her left hand. She looked incredibly frazzled. Her long, silky red hair was tied in a low ponytail but that couldn't tame the intense amount of frizz she was experiencing today.
"I-It's not what you think. We just had a conversation about my assignment and then things--"
"Okay well I have an assignment of my own for you two. I need you guys to go pick up Al for me. I bit off a little more than I can chew and with Rose stuck at her restaurant till after lunch, I will need all the help that I can get."
"But doesn't he have his own car?" I asked.
"It's in the shop," she sighed. "Look I really need your help. Can you do this one thing for me today?"
"Yeah of course, we can do that," Carver chimed in. He hopped off the bed and stretched. He raised his arms high above his head. I could hear the audible pops from his elbows and back.
"Oh thank god!" she cried as she came over to hug him. She then let him go and averted her gaze over to me. She pulled out my phone from her pocket and then handed it to me. "Call me if there's any problem. I'm hoping there won't be any though because I cannot handle another problem right now."
"I can have my phone back? I thought I was grounded?"
"I'm not letting you leave without it. What kind of parent do you think I am?" she paused right after she realized the word she used. "Fang, wh-when I say parent I mean--"
"Don't worry, it was probably just a slip of the tongue right?"
"Um y-yeah, just a slip up," she said as she fumbled with fingers.
"Um we're gonna get going now...since we have to go get Al," I said trying to steer the conversation away from this initial awkwardness.
Carver and walked out of my room, out of the house, and then into his car. I mean it's no his car but with how frequent he drives it around, I would say it's his now. He pulled out of the driveway then drove towards Al's shop. The drive there was...well strange. Carver usually holds my hand or has his hand on my thigh during our drives but this time he kept both hands on the wheel. We just sat there in silence. Every time I would try to say something, he would mess with the still busted radio or check one of his mirrors. Not once did he look at me though. I must have fucked up somehow. Maybe he really was upset that I don't consider him family. As I tried to say something again, he pulled up to Al's shop and parked.
"Well we're here, let's go get him," he said with his hand on the door handle, still not looking at me.
"Wait, Carver," I said grabbing his shoulder. "Did I do something wrong?"
Letting go of the handle, he turned to me and said, "What do you mean?"
"Well you usually hold my hand or my thigh whenever we go on drives. The whole time we didn't talk and you haven't really looked at me since we left. It just seems like you're mad at me or something."
"I'm not mad. I'm just a little disappointed," he sighed.
"Disappointed? Is it because of what I said to you earlier?"
"No, it has nothing to do with that. It has more to do with your aunt."
"My aunt? What about her?"
"Fang, she basically admitted that she considers herself your parent and then you threw it under the rug like it was nothing. I just think you should have handled that situation better. Are you really that blind that you couldn't see how hurt she was when you did that?"
"I thought you were fine with how I define family? I mean I'm still struggling to figure out what that word even means to me."
"Yeah I'm fine with that being the case with me but not her. From what you've told me, she's been there for you since day one. For everything that she's done for you, I would think that she'd at least be a part of your family. I know it's not my place to say but to me, I think she's more of a parent than who your actual parents are. She loves you so much and I thought that you loved her enough to acknowledge that. And now a part of me is starting to wonder if I'll--if you'll ever consider me as part of your family. If she's not then--" he stopped himself as saw me starting to breakdown. "Fang, I--fuck I shouldn't have said any of that. I--" he reached out to console me but I flinched.
I ended up wiping away my tears and let myself out. Slamming the door behind me, I rushed straight into Al's shop and quite literally Al as well. Whatever he was holding, the sheer force of my body caused all of the items to slip out of his grasp and straight onto the carpeted floor.
"Watch where you're going will you? People, and when I say people, I mean I work here!" Al complained as he started to pick his stuff back up.
"I-I'm sorry," I cried as I started helping him.
"Finally some actually help--" he stopped when he realized it was me. "Oh Fang, what's wrong?"
"I-It's nothing. It's all my fault anyway," I said standing up with boxes in hand and setting them on the counter by the register. I wiped away the rest of my tears just as Carver pushed through the door.
"Fang, can we talk for a second?"
"Oh Carver, can you actually do me a big favor? There's a crate out in back with a mauve ribbon on top. Can you crack that open for me and bring me back whatever's in there?" Al asked standing between the both of us.
"I really need to talk to him real quick," Carver added.
"It'll be really quick," Al said as he started pushing him towards the back of his shop. "It's big box with an equally as big mauve ribbon. You can't miss it."
Carver looked at me then at Al then back to me. He sighed and reluctantly agreed. Once Carver disappeared into the backroom, Al turned his attention back to me.
"Okay, so what's going on between you two? My impression was that that boy could do no wrong but there's some real tension between you two right now," he said with hands at his hips.
"He didn't do anything wrong. He just said some things that really affected me. I don't even know why I started crying. I just lost it. I'm a terrible person who can't see things right in front of them, that's all."
"Don't hold it in. Just let it all out. Spill the tea, sis!"
"Spill what? I don't have any tea."
Al closed his eyes and pressed his right thumb on the skin between his eyebrows. He sighed, placed his hairy, plump hands on my shoulders, and then calmly said, "Just tell me what's on your mind. Maybe I can help and if I can't, talking about it will help you out at least. It's never a good idea to keep things bottled in."
"Uh well it all started when my teacher gave me this stupid assignment about family. Like he wants to know what I think family is and who is a part of my family. I gave him this cookie cutter answer that he obviously didn't accept and I've been trying to figure out how to answer it for the past few days. Then Carver told me that he considers me a part of his family but I didn't say it back. Then my aunt called herself my parent and I basically took what she said and tore it to pieces cause I told her that she mistakenly called me that," I confessed as I fiddled with my fingers and then moved to scraping the dirt under my fingernails. "My dumbass didn't even realize that by doing that that I was hurting her feelings. I only realized that I did because he brought it up in the car when I asked him if I did anything was wrong cause he wasn't doing what he usually does. That's when I started crying because she is my family but I--I don't know. I'm just conflicted about this whole family thing. I wish I knew how to answer the question without hurting anyone in the process, but that seems like all I'm doing is hurting everyone with my answers."
"So you believe the only family you have are your parents and that no one else can be part of your family?"
"W-Well isn't that what family is? That's what I always thought my family to be. I mean they're not in the picture anymore so maybe I should be reevaluating who my family is. I just never thought that I could decided who is and who isn't family. But now I'm just hurting people left and right because I'm not as inclusive as everyone wants me to be."
"Well let me tell you something. I had almost the same experience growing up like you. When I was your age, I came out to my extremely religious, super conservative family. They didn't even tell me that it was a phase or let me sleep on it to see if I would come to my senses. They promptly kicked me out after the word "gay" passed my lips. I was all alone. I didn't have someone like your aunt or have a friend I could lean on. Literally everyone that I knew and loved, everyone I considered my family turned their back on me. At the time I thought I was the toughest person in the world and that I didn't need anyone. That mentality didn't last long. I was alone the world. All I did was party, drink, and do drugs. It wasn't until I found drag that I truly found myself. Through drag I was able to meet so many different people with various personalities. A lot of those people ended up staying with me forever and thus becoming my new family. The family who matters. So I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that you can choose who your family is. It doesn't have to be the people who brought you into this world. I don't know if this will help you or not but I consider your aunt and now you as a part of my family. Just because we're not related to each other doesn't mean we can't be family."
"But you barely know me."
"And? I know deep down that you will always be a part of my life. I know you more than what's left of my own bloodline. If I remember correctly, I have a few nephews and nieces but I don't know them. I know you. You're more of a nephew to me than any of them."
"Um thanks Al. I'm grateful you consider me a part of your family."
"You're welcome. I hope what I shared with you helps you figure out who your family is even if it's just a little."
"It did help. I'm gonna reevaluate my thoughts and hopefully come up with a better answer than I've been holding onto. Can I ask you something though?"
"Of course! What do you want to know?"
"Your family, your first family...did they um--have they always been out of the picture since you came out?"
"No, I did try to win them back shortly after I discovered drag but they acted like they didn't know me. When both of my parents died, I did attend their funerals but I was verbally assaulted and I've never looked back since then. The only family who matter to me now are the ones I've met through by just living my truth. But by the look on your face, you miss your parents don't you?"
"I-I do. Isn't there a way I can be gay and have my parents in my life too?"
"Some people do but some of us don't. I do hope that you can make it work with yours but if they don't want you, just know that you have family here who do want you."
"Yeah well I hope so too, but I guess it's better not to dwell too much on the past now right? I should look forward with what I have now."
"That's definitely what you should do," Al said as he pulled me into one of his classic bear hugs. "Speaking of looking forward, you should go find your boyfriend. I sent him on a wild goose chase."
"You mean there's no box with ribbon on it?"
"Oh no, it's right here," he said as hopped over the counter and pulled out a jewelry box with a small mauve ribbon. "It's just not where I said it'd be or as big as I said it'd be. I just thought we needed to have a girl to girl talk and yes I know you don't consider yourself a girl. That's just what I call it."
"Well I should probably go find him then," I said as I motioned to the back.
"Yeah, I'll be here."
I left Al with his pile of boxes as I entered the backroom. It still looked the same. A huge full length mirror with several shelves of wigs. To the left of me I could see Carver looking through a ton of boxes getting more frustrated by the second. He was so focused on looking for the box that he didn't even realize that I had just entered the backroom. I started walking towards him with my arms at my side. He must not have realized it was me because he said, "Hey Al, I've looked through this whole room and I can't find the damn box with the ribbon."
"That's probably cause it's not in here. He sorta sent you away so he could talk to me one on one," I said while fiddling with my fingers.
"Oh F-Fang! C-Can we talk?" he stuttered with his hands in his front pockets.
"Y-Yeah, can I say something first though?"
"Uh y-yeah, of course. Wh-What'd you want to say?"
"Um well I just wanted to say that it wasn't your fault that I started crying your car. When you told me what I did to my aunt and then you said you were disappointed in me--"
"I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to say--"
"No, you did and I'm glad that you did. Talking about family with you and then with Al has really started to open my eyes about who and what my family is to me," I said fiddling with my fingers even more. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm thankful to have people like you guys in my life."
"Still I shouldn't have said what I said. I overstepped and I ended up hurting your feelings."
"Well I guess you're not all that great at keeping promises then," I said winking at him.
"What do you mean?" he asked, his brows furrowed.
"You forgot already? Wow Carver I'm hurt. I thought you loved me," I teased. "You promised me that you'd never hurt me and yet here you are telling me that you're sorry for hurting my feelings."
"I-I uh w-well I-I uh," he stammered.
Leaning forward, I planted my lips on his soft, thin pink lips. I pulled away and chuckled. "You know I'm just fucking with you right?"
"Wh-what?" he asked flustered and confused.
"What you said today, I don't consider it breaking your promise to me. I wasn't crying because you hurt my feelings. Sometimes I get overwhelmed in certain situations and I can't keep my composure so I end up crying. Okay well maybe at first I thought you were coming for me, especially when you said you were disappointed in me, but I see now that that wasn't the case."
"If I didn't do anything wrong, then why do I feel like such an asshole?"
"I don't know. Maybe it's because, and I'm only guessing here, but maybe it's because you care about me so much that you're scared of making the wrong move that will result in you losing me?"
"I really do love you Fang," he said as he wrapped his fingers around mine. "I hope I didn't scare you off with everything that I said earlier. How I feel about you, about us."
"You didn't scare me off. If anything, you made me realize just how special you are to me. I-I should have said it earlier when you did but I didn't cause I was too scared to admit it to myself."
"Too scared to say what?"
"W-Well you know th-that thing you said earlier," I stuttered. I could feel whole body trembling. Why can't I just say it? Why does gushing about my feelings always seem to be so difficult? This would be easier if he were fake sleeping.
"I-I'm gonna need you to spell out to me. I-I don't want to get over excited especially if I'm wrong."
I sighed. "Y-You know...the thing about family and how you well you know," I said breaking eye contact. I started biting at the insides of my mouth due to my nerves eating me up. My hands started to slip out of his grasp as my palms began to sweat, but he readjusted his grip and pulled me closer to him, our foreheads colliding.
"Come on, you can say it. You're almost there," he goaded.
I could feel him staring at me. Maybe he was trying to communicate with me telepathically or something. Whatever it was, it was working. I took a deep, relaxing breath and confessed, "I love you so much. I never thought I'd fall for someone so hard and so quick. Sure I've said it many times before already but it's different now because...well you're my family too. I feel like I should have known all along that you were. I just needed someone to help open my eyes and you started the whole process. You're always there for me and I feel like even if we weren't together you'd still be there for me. You genuinely care about me. You'd never leave me or purposely hurt me. You're protective of me and not in the overbearing way. I always feel safe when you're around. You make me feel wanted--no, needed like no one else does. I feel like you're the missing piece to my revamped family."
Finally, I got it all out. Pulling away, I found him with a huge grin plastered on his face. His whole face was all red too.
"See that wasn't too hard now was it?" he said. "Give me your hand. I want to show you something."
It was a weird request coming from him but whatever it was, I trusted him wholeheartedly. Without giving it a second thought, I gave him my hand. He guided my hand over to his chest and placed it right above his beating heart. It was practically beating out of his chest. If he had my condition, I could see him getting shocked in this situation. It was heartwarming to know he was just as nervous to hear what I had to say.
"You have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that me, Fang. I'm beyond honored to be a part of you family. You're the only one who makes my heart race like this," he said with tears welling in his eyes.
I never thought that I would cry during something like this but I too could feel my eyes starting to water from his sweet words. Just when I thought this moment couldn't get any sweeter, I could hear a faint sniffle in the background. As tears started falling down both of our scrunched, confused faces, we turned to the direction of the mysterious sniffle and found Al fanning his tearful face by the door.
"Is everything okay Al?" Carver asked as he wiped the tears off with the back of his hand.
"I'm sorry. This is one of those "I'm not crying, you're crying" moments. I just wanted to know what the holdup was and then I happened to stumble upon this gut wrenching moment. Ugh, young love. You two are just so sweet," Al cried wiping his tears with the pads of his fingers. I don't know why since he just kept crying anyway. "Can I have a hug?"
"Ugh, I can't believe I'm about to say this but," I sighed as I motioned Al over. "Bring it in, Al."
Al immediately waddled over to us and wrapped each of his arms around our waists. Carver chuckled and grinned my way. I smiled back as we all hugged one another.
"Oh we're just one big gay family! I know the best kids in the world," Al cried. We hugged it out for a couple minutes and then Al loosened his grip around our waists as he collected himself. "Okay, well now that we've done that. We gotta go. Your aunt called and she's losing her mind back there."
"Crap, that's right. It completely slipped my mind!" I said placing my face in my palm. "We should have left a while ago."
The three of us rushed back out to the car with me and Carver in the front and Al in the backseat. Now that I think about it, I don't think we've ever driven with someone in the back. While seated, Al kept examining the surface of the back of the car. He even went as far as smelling the seat. While Carver paid more attention to the road, I couldn't help but watch Al from the rear view mirror.
"Al? Is everything okay back there?" I asked curious as to what he was doing back there.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine. Well no, I have to ask. You two haven't done anything raunchy back here have you?"
"Oh my god! No! Why would you even ask that?" I said freaked out.
"What? I was a teenager before and I've been in the backseat many times before, if you catch my drift," he said with a smirk.
"Al! God that's disgusting!"
"Hey, don't knock it till you try it. That's what I used to always say. I've had lots of fun in backseats," he said as he looked up. I believe he was reminiscing in his past sexual encounters. "I need to find myself a nice, strong young man. I've got lots of love to give."
My eyes widened as I watched Al starting to fan himself. I turned back to Carver and grabbed his shoulder.
"Drive. Now."
"What do you think I'm doing? I'm already driving."
"Well drive faster then because I'm losing Al over here with his past."
"Oh you hush," Al scoffed. "I'm not doing anything inappropriate. I was just saying that backseats can be a lot of fun. I have a feeling you have a wild side, Fang. I have a sixth sense when it comes to that sorta thing, ya know."
"Carver. Drive, now."
"Okay, okay, calm down. We're almost there," Carver assured me as he placed his right hand on my thigh.
I instantly began to relax. I just focused all my attention on Carver and none on Al's adventure down memory lane. We finally got back to my place. I didn't even look at Al when he got out of the car. I don't know why but I held my breath the whole time as I waited to make sure the coast was clear. That had to be the worst drive I've had in a long time. I never want to be someone's ear for their past sexual adventures.
"So...when do I get to see your wild side?" Carver said breaking the silence.
"Oh god, not you too!" I whined. "I'm pretty sure I don't have a wild side."
"You know what they say, watch out for the quiet ones."
"Who the fuck says that?"
"Oh I don't know. I've heard it mentioned somewhere before. So...do you wanna?" Carver asked motioning to the backseat.
"Carver, I'm not losing my virginity in the backseat of your grandfather's musty, Station Wagon. What happened to Mr. Romantic?"
"I'm just kidding."
"Are you? You sound pretty serious right now," I said crossing my arms.
"Okay, I'm half kidding. I don't know, we've blown each other already and I want to move to the next step now but I guess I'm getting a little ahead of myself. Before all of that happened, I could control myself around you but now I can't ever since you opened Pandora's box. I'm sorry," he sighed resting his head against the headrest with his hands gripping the metal rods of the headrest. "I'm being greedy and selfish."
"I don't think you're any of that, Carver," I said as I shifted my body around resting my head in his lap looking up at him with the back of my left hand resting on my forehead, fingers curled. "I just--I don't know, call me naive or whatever but I just want it to be special. Not in the backseat of someone else's car in broad daylight where anyone could walk by...or hear us for that matter. I don't want an audience, just us."
"That sounds perfect," he whispered bending over to kiss me on the forehead. "I like your idea better anyway."
"You're not just saying that?"
He smiled, shook his head, then gently rubbed my cheek with his thumb. "Definitely not. You know you're over here calling me Mr. Romantic and yet you're the one making my heart flutter."
"Oh shut up. Can't we both be romantic?"
"I'd like that. Just promise me that you'll only be romantic with me."
"Don't say that. You know there's no one else I'd rather be with."
"I know, I just like to hear you say it. I like knowing that I'm the only one on your mind," he said as he began twirling strands of my hair around his fingers.
"We should head in before you get your hand stuck messing with my hair. It tangles so easily even without your help," I said getting up.
"Hold on," he said pushing me back down. "You know your hair's getting pretty long. I think you'd look good with longer hair. Of course I like your hair the way it is now. I'm just wondering if you'd consider growing it out more."
"Well I have thought about it but then I'd look even more like a girl. Not that I mind that, but I don't know. I don't think I could handle the maintenance of having longer hair. I already don't care about my hair now. I'd hate to see how I'd abuse my hair if it were longer. I think I'm good with just my fringe."
"Well if you ever change your mind, you know you've got my vote."
"Don't I always?"
"Not always."
"Excuse me?" I asked getting up. "What do you mean not always?"
"Remember what I said about your aunt?"
"Crap, you're right. Speaking of, I really to talk to her," I said getting out of the car. "Wait for me in my room, okay?"
Rushing up the stone steps, I walked through the front door and into a completely different environment from when we left it. Somehow between the time we left and the time we came back, they managed to magically haul in this large, rectangular mahogany dining table that stretched between the foyer and the dining room. It definitely doesn't look like the type of thing they could have easily brought in through the door. In the center was a light beige polyester table runner with the names "Winters-LeVang" printed onto the end.
This whole time I've been having an internal battle in my head about what family was to me and here's proof that she always considered me family. Yeah I definitely feel even worse now about how I handled our conversation earlier.
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the kitchen and what a nightmare that was. The kitchen is probably one of the smallest areas in this whole house. It's about a third the size of my own bedroom and my bedroom was pretty small. Now imagine four full-grown adults in there. They were constantly bumping into each other. We should have had Thanksgiving at Carver's house. They have way more space than we do. Their kitchen alone is three times the size of ours. Although I'm not sure how inviting the witchy vibes are to outside people. Out of all four heads, I managed to spot her chopping onions in the corner. Squeezing through what little space there was between the other three people, I eventually got through to her and tapped her on the shoulder.
"Oh hi, honey. I was wondering where you were. Did you manage to finish your assignment yet?" she said without taking her eyes off of the cutting board.
"Um not yet, but I wanted to talk to you. You got a minute?"
"Can it wait till later? I'm very busy right now."
"No, it can't wait. I would rather tell you while it's fresh in my mind before I forget the words. It'll just take a second. I promise."
"Well okay then," she said as she placed the knife down gently then wiped her hands on her dirtied apron. She pulled me aside to the dining room and said, "What's so important that it can't wait till later?"
"I want to apologize for what I said to you earlier."
"Oh don't worry about it. As my grandmother used to say, water off a duck's back. You don't have to apologize about that."
"No, you were right. You are my parent. Well, no you're more than that. You deserve a much more fitting title. You're--" I paused trying to bring myself to say those words. "You're the best mom I could have ever asked for. You're the mom I've always wanted and needed. So I want to say thank you for taking me in when you did. I'm thankful for everything you've done for me and I promise I'll find a way to pay you back for everything you've done for me. I wouldn't be here without you."
I can't believe I just said that. That I admitted it not only to her but also to myself. She really is my mom. She's more of a mother to me than my own. Looking forward, I found her standing there with her eyes red due to the tears streaming down her face. She wasn't sad, if anything she looked so happy.
"A-Are you okay?" I asked concerned.
"Me? O-Oh y-yeah I'm perfectly fine. Those damn onions are finally getting to me. Oh damnit just come here," she cried pulling me into a tight hug. "You don't owe me a damn thing. Your parents don't know what they're missing. I hope they know they made a mistake giving you up because you are the best kid in the whole damn world. I'm so proud to be your mother. I love you so much."
It must be one of those days because I couldn't help but to cry as well. I accepted my situation and hugged her back. It felt good to hear that she loved me even if was overwhelming me emotionally.
"I love you too," I said.
She eventually pulled away wiping her tears away with the back of her hands. She regained some of her composure and said, "I'm going to go rinse my eyes out now. Damn those onions."
"Yeah, they somehow got to me too," I lied wiping my eyes and nose. "I'll let you do your thing now."
I walked back to my room while still rubbing my eyes.
"Is everything okay? Why are you crying?" Carver asked sitting up from my bed.
"It's not anything bad, I swear," I said as I shut the door. "We had a heart to heart that resulted in both of us crying. They're tears of joy, not of sadness."
"You wanna tell me more about it?" he said making room for me on the bed.
He didn't have to ask me twice. I climbed into bed and snuggled up next to him. I know I've only been away from him for a few minutes but I missed his warmth.
"So long story short, I apologized for being so dismissive about her comment earlier and then I admitted to her and to myself that I consider her my mom."
"And how'd she take it?"
"She said she was proud of me; that I was the best kid she could have ever asked for. That she was proud to be my mom. Then she cried. I cried. And we hugged it out. It was...a lot. But I wouldn't change anything about that moment."
"I'm glad you were able to share that moment with her. I'm sure you made her day saying that to her," he said. "So what do you wanna do now?"
"I'm actually really tired," I yawned. "Who knew today would be so emotionally draining? Would it be okay with you with if I took a nap?"
"A nap sounds really nice actually. I've missed sleeping with you," he said unbuttoning his mustard yellow plaid shirt.
"You just want an excuse to show off your naked body," I said slipping off my standard black shirt.
"What are you doing?" he asked bare chested.
"What? You think you're the only one who likes to show off?" I said winking at him. I then began unzipping my jeans and then kicked them off of the bed. Leaning against my propped elbow, I lied underneath the covers in just my black briefs impatiently waiting for him to take off his pants. "So are you gonna continue to strip or do I need to take them off for you?"
"I-I'm not complaining or anything but what's gotten into you?" he asked flustered.
"What? I'm comfortable in my own skin now, thanks to you. I like when you look at me the way you do."
"D-Do you want to uh, you know, go down on each other?"
"I mean I know they're busy and everything but I don't think that'd be a good idea. I don't think it's possible for me to stay quiet with you doing what you do down there," I said blushing. "I was thinking we could just cuddle in our underwear, but I guess that's not good enough anymore is it?"
"Oh no no, we can cuddle," he said quickly unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them down to his ankles leaving him with just his crimson red boxers. "But I have to tell you, I'm rock hard. That won't be a problem now would it?"
"I'm not planning on doing anything about it so I guess not," I smirked. I turned over with my back facing him. He immediately pulled me towards him. I could feel him rubbing himself against my clothed ass. "Hey calm down, babe. I told you I'm tired."
"I know, I know, but if you wake up with cum on your back don't blame me. It's all your fault," he snickered.
"As long as you don't get any in my hair and you're not too loud, I don't mind," I said shutting my eyes.
"Wait, i-is that consent? You're really gonna let me do that to you?"
"Like I said, I don't mind. Goodnight babe."
"Well I was only kidding. I'm not gonna do that to you," he whispered resting his bare chest against my bare back as he nuzzled my neck. "I'm gonna save myself for that hot mouth you've got. I only wanna do it when you're into it. It's hotter that way."
"Great. I was testing you anyway," I giggled. "Congrats, you passed."
"You're such an asshole. Now I'm definitely gonna cum in your hair," he teased as he started tickling my sides.
"Ca-Carver, stop!" I cried out laughing. He wouldn't stop until I flipped back over facing him. "Babe, I'm tired!"
"I know, I know, I just wanted to kiss you goodnight," he said leaning into me planting his lips onto mine. It was just a quick kiss but for that brief second, I was reminded just how easy it was for me to melt into him. "I love you, Fang."
"I love you too, Carver," I whispered back before resting my head on his chest and quickly falling asleep.
We must have been asleep for much longer than I expected. I knew I should have set an alarm or something. When I opened my eyes, it was pitch black in my room. But even through the darkness, I could see the slight silhouette of Carver's body lying there next to me sound asleep. He was still sound asleep.
I could hear some chatter coming from outside my room. Crap did we miss Thanksgiving dinner? Frantic, I tried to search for my phone without waking him up. Luckily, it was right at the foot of the bed. Crap it's already 8pm. Why didn't anyone try to wake us?
"Carver, Carver wake up," I whispered poking at his cheek. He groaned almost immediately. Thankfully he was a light sleeper.
"Wh-What is it?" he yawned as he rubbed his eyes. "Is it time for dinner yet?"
"Actually, uh yeah it is."
"Good cause I'm starving!" he said sitting up. "Hey, can you get the lights? I can't find my pants."
"Yeah one sec," I said slipping back into my shirt. I then hopped off of the bed and walked towards the door. I know my room like the back of my hand so even in complete darkness I knew where to step. As soon as I flipped the switched, I winced as the bright light blinded me although just for instant. My eyes quickly adjusted as I turned back to Carver who was unsurprisingly eyeing me down.
"Anyone ever tell you that you have a cute little ass?" he said biting his lower lip.
"Yeah, you. All the time," I answered back. Smiling down at the floor, I reached for my jeans and slipped them back on. "I think I found your pants. Now get your mind of the gutter." I grabbed his pants off of the floor and threw it at him. He slipped out of the bed and I was instantly reminded just how meaty his ass was compared to mine. I couldn't help but stare as his butt jiggled when he hopped while pulling up his jeans. Move over Captain America, now this is what I would call America's ass and it's all mine.
"You ready to join the party?" he asked as he zipped up.
"Yup, all good here," I said twisting the doorknob and pulling the door open. We walked out together down the hall and found the rest of the guests sitting and partaking in chill conversations. As soon as we reached the foyer, Lulu looked over at us from her seat.
"Oh look who decided to join us. Guess we can eat now," she laughed.
"Sorry, I guess we overslept. But in our defense, no one tried to wake us up," I said scratching my head.
"Dante said he tried to wake you guys up, but he told me the door was locked."
"Locked? Fang doesn't have a lock on his door," my mom said.
"Dante!" Lulu yelled punching him in his arm.
"Ow! What? They looked peaceful. I didn't want to be that person to ruin their peace. What's the big deal?"
"We could have been eating already! You know I didn't eat anything today!"
"That's your own fault. No one told you to starve yourself," he said rubbing his arm. Lulu raised her fist again causing him to flinch.
"Will you two settle down?" Mama Rose demanded. "Fang, Carver, come sit." Carver and I took the last two open seats next to Lulu.
Everyone was dressed to impress whereas Carver and I were dressed casually like we usually do. I guess we didn't get the memo. I definitely felt underdressed. Even Mr. Lane was dressed in a pretty snazzy suit that he filled out way too well.
The table was filled with food. I haven't seen this much food since the parties I used to have with my parents except it's food that I would actually eat and be allowed to eat. But why oh why am I getting the Last Supper vibes? That should be the furthest thing from my mind right now.
"I thought I should let you know that you have probably the worst bed head that I've seen in awhile," Lulu whispered to me. "I don't think anyone's noticed or maybe they're being nice. Just play it off like it's some kind of new trend."
I leaned over to Carver and then whispered, "Why didn't you tell me I had bed head?"
"I didn't think you'd mind honestly. You still look cute to me," he said nonchalantly. He then turned his attention to the rest of the guests. "So can we eat now? I'm starving."
"Well before we dig in, we say grace first," Mama Rose said. "Who wants to volunteer? How about you Dante? Since you failed to wake these two up earlier."
"If it's okay with you, I'd like to say something important really quick," I chimed in.
"Of course, Fang. Go ahead, what would you like to say?"
"Okay uh where do I start?" I asked rhetorically. "For the past few days, I've been tasked with defining who and what my family is. I've been struggling to find the right words because I honestly didn't know what to say or where to start. For the longest time, I held on to this idea that my family were my birth parents and even though they abandoned me they were still my family, my only family. But I was so wrong. Thankfully, I had a few people here who helped to shatter that toxic point of view, to help me realize that that wasn't the only option. I'm so thankful for everyone here tonight because I consider each and everyone of you my family. All of you truly care about me and at the end of the day, I know I could count on every single one of you if I ever need anything. You guys are my support system. I-I can't imagine my life without any of you in it. I'm sorry that it took me this long to realize that my true family was right in front of me this whole time." As I finished my last words, I turned to Mr. Lane and asked, "So how about that? Was that a better answer? I-I know it's not perfect. It's probably flawed somehow but--"
"Fang, that was a really good answer. You have nothing to worry about. I just wanted you to really think about what I had asked and that's what you did. You probably didn't mean to include me in your family though."
"Well you're the one who believed in me in the first place so I wouldn't be here without you. Plus you're dating my mom so it's probably appropriate that to have you as part of the family."
"Your mom?" he asked confused. "Don't you mean--"
"Yeah, I've always been his mom. What'd you think I was? His aunt?" my mom said winking at me.
"Now that we have that settled. Dante, it's time for you to say grace," Mama Rose said. "Everyone join hands."
"About that, could someone else say grace? I don't feel comfortable saying it," Dante said looking away from Mama Rose.
"What do you mean you don't feel comfortable?" Mama Rose probed.
"Well I don't know if I believe anymore. I think I'm like Fang," Dante confessed.
Mama Rose's jaw immediately dropped. She sat in disbelief that one of her grandchildren no longer believed in God or was on the fence about it.
"If it's alright with everyone, I'd love to say grace," Carver chimed in.
"I think that's a wonderful idea. Go ahead," Mama Rose said perking up.
I watched as the whole table close their eyes, bow their heads, and clasp their hands to pray. I looked over at Dante who look conflicted. I remember him always leading the charge when it came to these sort of things. I wonder what changed. It was nice having another Atheist around, but maybe he was Agnostic just purely based on his words. I ended up waving at him and mouthing the words "it's okay." He simply returned my words with a smile and a nod.
"Thank you Lord for this food, the nourishment of my body. Thank you for the cook and my many blessings. Amen," Carver said. I heard the rest of the guests say their respective amens then watched everyone basically grab at the food. Carver looked over to me and smiled.