Chapter 12: Remembrance
Ugh, I hate mornings. Well I guess the thing I hate most is the sun. The way the sun just invades through the blinds really bugs me. Even though my eyes are closed I can still feel its rays on my face trying to interrupt my sleep. I mean it really was since I was wrestling with my sleep. As I kept trying to keep my eyes shut, I could feel something tickling my chest and then moving up to my cheek. It was moving in circles. Oh god I hope it's not a bug. On instinct, I tried to swat it away and it ended up being some large hand startling me awake.
"Morning beautiful," Carver said. "Sorry I didn't mean to wake you. You just look really cute in your sleep."
"Wait you were watching me sleep?" I asked, eyebrows cocked.
"Yeah is that a bad thing?" he said still grazing his fingertips around my cheek.
"Well, I guess not. Maybe I'm just not used to it?"
"Do you want me to stop?"
Maybe it's just me, maybe I'm creating things that don't exist in my head but I could feel him pull away after saying that. Fuck am I messing stuff up again? Without thinking, I leaned in and planted my lips onto his. I could feel his fingers through my hair and his other hand pulling me closer to him while squeezing my ass. As he's holding me tight, I could feel his hard member against my stomach. I pulled away and just looked down to see the same vision I saw last night.
"Oh, you're ready to go again?" I asked.
"Oh uh yeah, sorry about that," he said scratching his head. "You were really good. You surprised me last night. I didn't think that was gonna happen. It just happened out of the blue and it was...so hot."
"Yeah after our talk I just felt like we could do something," I said looking away. "I just wanted to show you that I was putting all my insecurities behind me. I just really want be a good boyfriend to you like you are to me."
"And you are," Carver said placing his hand on my cheek again. "Just talk to me. That's all I ask."
"I know, I know, it's just hard for me to talk about myself or just talk in general. But I promise I'll try to do better for us, for me."
He just smiled at me and I couldn't help but blush.
"So," Carver said dragging out of the vowel.
Perking up, brows furrowed, "What?"
I could feel his right hand trail down my body then grabbing my soft dick, tugging on it gently.
"O-Oh u-um," I stuttered.
"If you don't want to just say so. I just thought that I could repay the favor for last night."
"I mean we did do stuff last night a-and I-I'm not opposed to it. I-I just um--"
"So is that a yes?"
"U-Um I-I mean I-I guess we could," I stuttered more as I could feel myself stiffening in his grip.
"Your wish is my command," he said winking at me.
He then pushed me over with my back against the bed as he started leaving kisses down my body starting from my neck, the whole time keeping eye contact with me. It was the hottest thing that I've ever laid my eyes on, I just couldn't look away. Once he passed my stomach, he disappeared underneath the covers. I could feel his hot breath envelope my stiff dick that sent shivers up my spine. Then I could feel with warm spit dribble down my shaft as his lips slid down the side and his tongue teasing me down at the base. His fingers wrapped themselves around the tip of my dick and twisted ever so slightly.
"Ca-Carver!"
I could hear him giggle under the covers. Whipping the covers off of us, I caught him biting his bottom lip through his smile. He had one hand stroking himself, while the other was on mine.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to laugh," he said as he drew his attention back to me, running his spit covered hand through his hair.
Without breaking contact, I watched him as his tongue wrapped itself around my dick and then his lips followed after. Carver could easily fit all of me into his mouth. Once his lips reached the base, I could feel his tongue push past his lips lapping at my sack. He then pulled up off of me dragging his tongue up to the slit wagging it side to side causing my neck to cock back with me staring at the popcorn ceiling, sucking in my breath through gritted teeth.
I guess he took that as a sign to pick up the pace as I could feel his lips at the tip unloading more spit down my shaft as he pumped and twisted with his hand. God he's really good with his hands. My breathing became unsteady as I kept my eyes to the ceiling.
"Ca-Carver!" I yelled balling up the sheets into my hands. My toes curled as I could feel myself shooting inside of him. As I laid there spent, Carver still continued to pump and suck me as my ecstasy soon turned to over sensitive pain.
"Carver, p-please st-stop!" I yelped as I pushed his head off of me.
"Sorry, I guess I got a little greedy," he said wiping the spit from his lips.
As I still lied there breathing heavily, he sat on top of my hips straddling me.
"Wh-What are you doing?" I asked.
"D-Don't worry, I'm already there," he said firmly gripping my right shoulder with his spit slick hand as he milked himself onto me. He grunted a few times then collapsed on top of me. We lied there completely spent.
"So uh you were so...so good," I finally let out.
"Well I learned from the best," he said panting onto me. "Sorry again for hurting you. I-I didn't mean to linger on like that."
"Yeah well I wish I had a bigger dick for you. I noticed you took me in so easily."
"Hey I happen to like your dick. Where's all of this coming from?" Carver asked.
"W-Well I know dick size is a hot topic. I know I'm not well endowed like you. I just always hear people talking about big dicks and--"
"Not everyone likes them big. I really do like yours. My first time turned me off from big dicks," Carver looked away from as that last line slipped his lips. "I remember him forcing me down on my knees. He kept smacking me with it. It wasn't as long as mine but it was really thick and veiny. H-He uh shoved it into my mouth a-and I--he was--he was really rough with me. He kept berating me. I was so scared."
I immediately shifted my weight to my side and Carver slid down next to me. I could tell he was starting to tear up as he was starting to remember details of his past.
I placed my hands onto his face and said, "Carver, come back to me."
His gaze turned back to me, his lips were quivering in fear.
"I-I'm sorry. I just really hate my first time but being with you is really helping me. I want to replace all of my old memories with just you, with us. You know I love everything about you."
"Oh please, there has to be something you don't like about me."
He looked up as he seriously put some thought about it and then he answered back with, "Well I don't like that you belittle yourself whenever you get the chance." He paused and then turned the conversation to him by saying, "Wait are you implying that there's something you don't like about me?"
"Carver you're perfect. What are you talking about?"
"I'm nowhere near as perfect as you think I am."
"I mean you did like Chloe so I guess you aren't perfect," I joked as I lightly pinched his nipple.
"H-Hey! Don't touch the nipples!" he said as he pulled the covers over them.
"Why? They're just nipples."
"Oh really? Let's see how much you like it," Carver said as he twisted one of my own nipples. Instead of reacting negatively like he did, I let out soft whimper. His eyes widened. "Wait do you like nipple play?"
"N-No I-I'm just really sensitive right now," I said as I hopped off the bed. "I'm gonna avoid this conversation by getting us some water."
As I bent down to grab my underwear off of the floor, I felt a clean smack on my ass. Quickly I spun around and Carver was sitting on the edge of the bed beaming.
"You've got a cute dick to go with that cute little ass," he said smirking.
"You know I'm gonna find something on you that's sensitive and see how you like it."
"I mean if you want to blow me again, all you have to do is say so," he said all cocky.
"You know what? Just stay in bed while I go get us some water," I said as I got dressed and left the room. I sighed, shook my head, then headed down the hallway and into the kitchen. As I opened the fridge and rummaged around for a couple of bottles, I heard footsteps coming around the corner. Figured it was Carver wanting to mess with me again so I turned around and said, "What did I say about staying in bed?"
I instantly froze because instead of seeing him, I saw my aunt with her lips pursed.
"Oh my god, please tell you just came home and you didn't hear anything...from my room," I said panicked.
"Let's just say I didn't hear anything. I really didn't want to wake up to...well that."
"Oh my god!" I cried out as I slammed my head against the freezer door. "I'm so embarrassed. Someone kill me now."
"You're embarrassed? I'm mortified! Sure, I'm happy that you--that you two--"
"Don't say it! You're ruining everything right now!"
"Look I just want you to know--" she paused and looked at how disheveled my clothes looked. "Oh god, did you have sex in these clothes?"
"Oh my god! Why would you even go there? I'm going to take these waters back to my room and we're leaving immediately," I said as I turned around and ran to my room, shutting it behind me.
"Woah woah woah, what's with all the commotion?" Carver asked sitting in the same spot as where I left him but fully clothed.
"My aunt--" "What about her?" he asked confused.
"She heard us. She heard everything," I said as I started pacing around in circles. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh. My. God."
Carver hopped off the bed and held me at my shoulders. "Hey it's going to be okay. How about you sleep over tonight? How's that sound?"
"Yup that sounds good. That sounds really good right about now," I said nodding in agreement.
"Okay well is there anything you want to do before we head out or are you good?"
"Um there's one thing," I said as I walked to my dresser and pulled out a pill bottle. I opened the bottle, shook out a tiny white pill, popped it into my mouth, and then washed it down with a swig of water.
"Wh-What was that that you just took?" Carver asked curiously.
"Oh this?" I asked shaking the now capped pill bottle. "It's my daily med. It's just to regulate my heart rate so I don't die in my sleep. Well I guess I won't die in my sleep since I have the device in my chest. It's a long story."
"I guess that describes that squarish thing bulging out of your chest and that scar."
"Oh you noticed it?"
"It's kind of hard to miss. I just didn't want to bring it up. I figured you don't want to talk about it."
"I mean I could talk about it. It's just a congenital heart condition that I have. It's really nothing to worry about. I haven't had any symptoms in a long time."
"And what are these symptoms? I'd like to know what they are so I can be on the lookout just in case," he asked worried.
"Trust me it's not a big deal. When it happens, you'll know immediately that I'm having--well let's just call it an episode."
"Maybe you should just tell me what it is then just to be sure."
I sighed as I tucked the pill bottle into one of my front pockets.
"I knew I shouldn't have taken it in front of you," I sighed again while shaking my head. "I get these chest pains. I-It hasn't happened ever since I met you but when I do experience a chest pain I collapse immediately clutching my chest. It honestly feels like I'm being stabbed in the heart. Most times when it happens I also voluntarily stop breathing because breathing only makes it worse. Well I guess I do breathe, but I take shallow breaths cause normal breathing just hurts too much. It lasts around thirty seconds to a minute. The longest I've had one has been about a minute."
"Fang that sounds horrible. And there's nothing you can do to stop the pain?"
"Absolutely nothing. When it happens, it happens. I'm just thankful that it hasn't happened in front of you. People usually treat me differently when they see it. They pity me. But at least it's better than getting shocked."
"Shocked?"
"That bulging square thing you were talking about. It's my ICD."
"I see what?"
"It's basically a mini defibrillator. If my heart rate becomes too abnormal, whether it be fast or slow, it shocks me. It's to get my heart rate back to normal. They apparently programmed it wrong when they put it inside me the first time because any physical activity that got my heart rate up, shocked me. When I told my doctor about it, he apologized and reprogrammed it then prescribed me those pills. I suppose sex could have shocked me too. Thankfully, it's reprogrammed. That's one awkward conversation I don't ever want to have."
"Fang I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. Just be glad I can't die in my sleep now," I chuckled.
"D-Die?" Carver asked concerned.
"Sorry, my humor can be a bit morbid sometimes," I sighed. "My late uncle had the same thing that I have. But he died in his sleep, I think a few years before I was born. He was really young. He was in his thirties."
"Fang--"
"Like I said, don't say it. I'm happy that I can't go out that way now. Most of all, I happy you don't have to wake up to me like that," I paused to think of what I just said. "Wow, sorry about that. Didn't expect for me to go dark. Let's just head over to your place." I reached for the door knob when Carver grabbed my free hand.
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"Oh right! I should probably pack some extra clothes," I said as I went to my dresser and then to my closet and stuffed them into my book bag. "Okay, I'm good now."
"That's not what I meant silly," Carver said as pressed his lips into mine. "I'm happy you told me about your condition. I feel like I understand you a little bit more now."
"My condition doesn't define me though."
"I-I know. I just--," he sighed. "Fuck, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you."
"Don't be," I said patting his cheek. "Plus you didn't offend me. Let's just get out of here and not talk about it ever again okay?"
"W-Wait!"
"What now Carver?"
"I just wanted to say that you won't need extra clothes where you're going," he chuckled then winked.
"Oh shut it," I said as I opened the door. We walked out of my room hand in hand and into the hallway, I could just slightly see my aunt sitting in the kitchen. Trying to avoid her as much as possible, we darted for the front door, sped down the stairs, and into the car.
"So you ready to go?"
"Just drive Carver," I said placing my hand on his lap. He smiled as he pulled out and drove towards his place.
Sometime during the drive, he removed my hand from his thigh and instead held my hand in his. I pulled his hand back to me resting both of our hands in my lap. I can't say for certain but I could have sworn I saw him blush when I did that. I'm glad I'm not the only one who blushes during sweet moments. I'm really happy that we found each other. I'm happy I didn't die last year. I must have dozed off for a bit cause out of nowhere we arrived back at his place.
"Did I ever tell you that you have the cutest little snore?" Carver asked kissing me on the cheek.
"I-I don't snore!"
"How would you know? It's not like you can hear yourself snore when you're asleep."
"I. Don't. Snore."
"Okay okay, you don't snore," Carver said tousling my hair then stepping out of the car. He walked to my side and opened the door for me. I grabbed my things and stepped out of the car. "You just have this cute little hum when you sleep."
I glared at him then very dryly said, "Say I snore one more time and see what happens."
"And let's say I do say something along those lines again. What are you gonna do to me? Punish me?" he paused as we walked up to his house. "Punish me in bed?"
"Just watch yourself, that's all I'm saying."
We walked up to the front door and then walked inside. We could hear some shuffling coming from up in the attic. As we got closer to the attic door, Grandma Aggie burst through the doors covered in dust while holding a just as dusty shoebox.
"Oh Carver, you're home!" she said overly enthusiastically. I couldn't tell what it was but she seemed to be under the influence of something or maybe I'm just mistaking it for her personality.
"Grandma are you okay? What happened up there?" he asked concerned as he started dusting her off.
"Hm? Oh me?" she asked pointing at herself. "Oh I just had a little puff today."
Okay so she's high. Marijuana is still illegal in our town but no one's going to arrest sweet old Aggie. And I'm definitely not going to rat her out to the Sheriff Hampton.
"I-I was just looking through some old things up there. Then I got lost reminiscing in some old pictures. I found a box up there filled with pictures of your mother when she was your age, before she met that asshole father of yours," she said as she handed him the dusty shoebox.
"Grandma maybe you should sit down. You sure you had just one puff?"
"Yes yes, it was just one or was it ten? Your old granny here can't really think straight right now," she laughed.
"Fang can you help me get her to her bed?" Carver asked holding her steady.
"Oh stop! I may be old and high but I can find my way to my own bed," she said shooing Carver away. We watched as she spun around in the hall as she eventually stumbled into her room and shut the door behind her.
"I'm sorry about that. Usually she only smokes when Grandpa's home. She has no self control when it comes to weed."
"Oh it's fine. I've seen her high before although it has been years since the last time I saw her like this. Your grandma's not exactly like other old people that I know."
"Yeah she's something else. I love her though."
"Trust me when I say that we all do," I said patting him on the shoulder. "So about this box."
"Oh right, the box. Maybe we should sit down?" Carver said as he sat down on the floor with legs crossed. I sat next to him with my legs bent facing the left side of my body. Carver placed the box between the both of us and blew at the top of the box sending a plume of dust up into the air. I instantly started coughing up a lung and waving the dust out of my face.
"Was that really necessary?" I asked still coughing from all the dust in the air.
"Sorry, I thought it'd look cooler like in the movies," he shrugged.
"Just warn me next time. I'd prefer not to eat decades of dust."
Carver carefully lifted the shoebox cover. Low and behold, there were a ton of old photos of his mom. Many of them being old Polaroids. She was really pretty. Tall and skinny with fair skin. A blonde bombshell. She definitely could give Chloe a run for her money.
"You look just like your mom, well if she were a hot boy," I said as looked through old photos of her as a teen.
"You really think I look like my mom?"
"Yeah, I mean you have her eyes and you have her smile. She was really pretty."
"I think you would have liked her. She was so nice like my grandma. She didn't have any darkness in her heart. She saved lives everyday. She was a nurse. But most of all she was my hero," Carver said rubbing one of the pictures. "I wish she got to meet you. I like to think she'd approve of the two of us."
"If she's as great as you make her out to be, I'm sure she would. I would have loved to meet her too," I said scooting behind him, holding him from behind. "She can still be your hero even if she's gone."
"I really miss her Fang. It was always the two of us. And then she--she just left. She left me behind...with him," he said bitterly.
"Him?"
"Uh forget I said that last part. It doesn't matter now. My parents are gone."
"Well um we could do something to remember them by."
"What do you mean?"
"In my culture on Lunar New Year we set out a picture of everyone who's passed on and we have a little offering of food. One by one each of us says a prayer of sorts and then we light a stick of incense and stick it in some gravel. It's our version of Day of the Dead basically. At least that's how I always saw it."
"You don't strike as the kind of person who believes in God."
"I'm not, but I believe in spirits."
"So when is this Lunar New Year?"
"It's not until next year, but we can do it on the anniversary of their death or their birthday. I don't really think the day really matters honestly. As long as you still remember them and pay your respects. I think that's what really matters."
"Do you think it'd be okay to do it right now?" Carver asked looking back at me.
"Of course. Whatever you want to do, I'll help guide you through the process."
"Okay so what do we need again?" Carver asked getting up. "An offering and incense?"
"Uh yeah," I said as I stood up. "Let's start with the incense first though. I'm sure Aggie has some incense lying around. I'm sure she's the type who uses them."
Carver and I started rummaging through all the drawers in her witchy little room. We found a lot of odd knickknacks here and there, but no incense.
"Hey did you find any yet?" Carver asked from the other side of the room.
"No, I don't see any. Maybe try the kitchen?"
Carver stepped into the kitchen and he was probably only in there for a few seconds when he stepped back with a box of incense.
"Well I know where she keeps her blunts now," Carver said shaking a box of incense. "She keeps this in the same drawer. I also grabbed a lighter. Figured we'd need this too."
"Good thinking. See you're not just hot, but you've got a brain too. That's always nice."
"What else do we need again?"
"Well do you have a picture in mind? It'd be a good idea if the picture can stand on its own like if it were in a frame."
"How about we just do this?" Carver asked as he propped up his phone on top of this little end table and placed the picture he was looking at earlier against it. "Is that okay?"
"Yeah that's totally okay. Oh can you get like a glass for the incense? I figure you don't have a pot of gravel just lying around so the glass is to catch the burned off remains of the incense."
"Oh give me one second," Carver said as he stepped back into the kitchen. He came back shortly after with a little white coffee mug. "Is this okay? I didn't really know what would be considered a good pick."
"It's fine Carver. No need to overthink it," I said placing the mug next to the picture of his mom. I then took out a stick of incense and handed it to Carver. "Now just say a little prayer to yourself and when you're done just light it and place it in the mug."
I stood beside him and watched him shut his eyes and noticed his lips move but I couldn't hear a word that passed his lips. He stood there for a few minutes then he finally opened his eyes again. He then lit his stick and placed it in the mug. He stood back and then his eyes widened.
"Oh crap I forgot about the offering! I'll be back," Carver said as he rushed back into the kitchen. Crap that was own fault. Guess I'm not that great of a guide after all.
While Carver was rummaging through his kitchen, I took out my phone and scrolled through my pictures. I ended up stopping at an old group photo of me and my parents. I set the phone on the table and pulled out a stick for myself.
"Hey Dad, I know it's been awhile. I think I saw you on Halloween or maybe it was my mind playing tricks of me. I really hope it wasn't you though. I really do hope it was just my mind playing tricks on me. I really miss you and Mom. I hope you two are doing great without me. Maybe one day we can be a family again. I would really like that," I said to myself as I lit the stick and placed it into the mug. "I hope you're still alive and well. I don't know what I'd do if you're really gone. Please be okay."
I could hear a shuffle of footsteps coming back from the kitchen so I quickly snatched my phone off of the table and shoved it into my pocket. Carver came back with a couple of sandwiches. He handed me one half of the one of the sandwiches, kept the other half, and then set the one whole sandwich on a small navy blue plate in front of the picture.
I looked down at the sandwich and peeled the two slices of white bread apart. It was a regular peanut butter sandwich with sliced up bananas lined up all in the peanut butter. Strange. I don't think I've ever seen this combination before.
"It's my favorite," Carver chimed in. "My mom used to make it for me all time. I hope you don't mind. We didn't eat breakfast and it's the only thing I know how to make."
"I will say I've never had a peanut butter banana sandwich but I like peanut butter and I like bananas so I'm sure it'll taste good," I said as I took a bite. Surprisingly it was pretty good. The sweetness of the bananas didn't overpower the nuttiness of the peanut butter. I can see why Carver liked it so much.
"So? What do you think?"
"It's surprisingly really good. Would you be mad if I asked you to make this all the time?"
"I'd love to make you this any day," Carver said kissing me. "You hear that Mom? You've turned another one."