Chapter 11: Good Enough/Just a Taste
It's been a few days since The Hunt and I still can't stop thinking about what happened between me and Brock. I still can't believe that he likes me or maybe he was just horny and wanted to use me. I haven't really gotten much sleep since. Every time I close my eyes I just see him on top of me.
And for some bizarre reason the thing that bothered me the most was him questioning my relationship with Carver. Just because we haven't had sex yet apparently that makes us less real than I thought. I don't know why but his words stuck with me. It really has me questioning my relationship with Carver. His words really poisoned the well. It really has fucked with my head. And we all know it doesn't take much for that to happen.
Anyway can you believe that Brock walked away from that fall with only a broken leg? Why are all the bad guys always so lucky? He's getting so much sympathy from the rest of the class and here I am flinching every time I walk past him. I think Carver's getting suspicious. Every time he brings up that night I just brush it off. What am I supposed to say? Oh Brock tried to force himself on me but an old ghost stopped him. That sounds like more bullshit. I'm worried that if I tell him what happened then he'll try to kill Brock. I'm not here to defend Brock, I wish he had died from that fall or at least gotten injured more than he had, but I can't have him do that. Especially not with Brock's brother being the sheriff.
Now as I'm lying in bed trying to finally get some shut eye in the middle of the day. My phone goes off and it's Carver. I've been avoiding his calls today. I should answer it but I already know that he's just gonna ask about what happened that night. He's been asking me non-stop about it. Every time I brush it off, he just pokes and prods more. I really wish he would just drop it, but I know I'm going to have to tell him eventually.
As I look at my phone, I see that there are now five missed calls with five new voicemails from him. I sigh and set my phone next to me. Maybe I'll eventually answer his call if I have my phone right next to me. Suddenly my phone vibrates, I check and it's Carver again.
"Hey can we talk?"
I'm sorry Carver, but I don't really feel like talking. I just have to get out of this rut. First I need to sleep. I shut my eyes again. I must have been out for a few minutes cause I got another text from him.
"Please talk to me."
I don't think I'm getting any sleep tonight. Maybe I should just suck it up, invite him over, and let him have his way with me. Maybe that'll solve everything. I mean that's what Brock said. We're only real once we have sex. Don't get me wrong I do think about having sex with Carver, it's just that something triggers in me and stops me from acting on it.
Maybe I just need to talk to someone about it. But who else in this town has been with a guy before? I need to talk to a guy who's had experience with other guys before. I guess I could always talk to Al but I don't know if I'm comfortable talking about sex with him. Hell I can't even talk to my aunt about it. I need someone more my age. Dante's bi, he has to have some advice for me.
I got up off of my bed with my phone in hand, walked out of the house, and headed towards Home Sweet Home. Once I got there I walked right into Lulu.
"Hey Fang, what are you doing here?" Lulu asked. "Did we have plans tonight?"
"No, I uh came here for another reason. Is Dante around?" I asked.
"Dante? What do you want with him?"
"It's a personal matter. I don't really know who else I can to about this."
"You can't talk to me about it? What about Carver?"
"I've kind of been avoiding him."
Lulu looked at me confused with her eyebrows arched.
"It's a long story. Um so is he around?"
"Yeah one sec," Lulu said as she turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Dante!"
Straight out of the kitchen, Dante rushed out to the front. His white apron had accumulated years of grease stains over the years he's worked there.
"What do you want? I was busy," Dante said as he wiped the sweat off his brow.
"You're going on a quick five minute break. Hand me your apron," Lulu said with her hand out.
"Wh-What? Why?" Dante asked as he untied his apron.
"Just do it. Fang here needs to talk to you about something that he can't tell me...or Carver," Lulu said looking at me suspiciously as she took his apron and walked into the kitchen.
"Sorry about that Dante. I just don't know who else to turn to about this...particular problem," I said.
"It's fine. Let's talk out back so no one bothers us," he said as he escorted me out to the back of the restaurant. I didn't imagine talking about this by the dumpsters but I feel like trash anyway so I guess this works. "So what do you want to talk about?"
"W-Well it's something Brock said to me a few days ago. I know I shouldn't let him get to me but what he said kind of made sense and--I can't stop thinking about it."
"Wait Brock? You let Bigfoot get into your head? Fang whatever that asshole said to you isn't worth thinking about."
"I-I know it's just--"
"What did he say to you?"
"He told me that since Carver and I haven't officially done it yet we're not a real couple. His words just keep repeating in my head and I can't help but to think that he's right."
"Fang--"
"I don't want to lose Carver. But I-I don't know if I'm ready. I mean I do want to, I'm like any other guy. I have those thoughts, those urges too but I'm too afraid to act on it. Like what if I'm bad at it? So bad that he wouldn't want me anymore. Or I give myself up to temptation and I let him have me, all of me and I end up being not enough for him? I just--I'm so scared that I'm not good enough."
"Fang you can't think of yourself that way. You're a total catch. You just have to get out of your head. Putting yourself on that kind of pedestal does nothing but hurt you in the end. Do you really think Carver's the kind of guy who would do that to you? I'm sorry but he doesn't seem like that kind of guy to me."
"I-I know I just--I just keep second guessing myself. I don't even know where to start. I know porn is unrealistic when it comes to sex and I didn't really learn anything in sex ed last year. They don't exactly go over gay sex. I don't want to be a disappointment."
"It's your first time, Fang. Just let things happen naturally. Throw out all of your expectations and just let things happen. He may not seem like it, but maybe he's just like you, scared of making the wrong move."
My phone vibrated again in my hand. Still Carver.
"Did I do something wrong? Please just call me back."
I looked back at Dante and he just gave me a look of intrigue.
"Sorry, continue," I said locking my phone.
"Trust me my first time with a guy wasn't exactly what I thought it'd be. Don't get me wrong, it was really good. But things didn't go as planned. There was some awkwardness and confusion as to who was going to do whom. But in the end I wouldn't change anything about it. Sex is an experience and both of you have to want it when it happens."
"But how will I know when I'm ready?"
"That I can't answer for you, Fang. When you know, you know. But sex doesn't have to be just anal. There are so many other ways to have sex if you're afraid to go all the way. But ultimately you should really talk to Carver about these things. He'll understand you better if you do. And if I had to guess, that text you just ignored was him."
"Yeah I've been avoiding him cause of well...this."
"Well answer him back. I've met Carver. He's probably losing his mind right now."
"Oh he definitely is losing his mind," I said as I walked back into the restaurant. Once we got back in, we noticed Lulu talking to someone. I couldn't really tell who it was from the back so I walked towards her and saw that she was calming Carver down. He looked distressed.
"C-Carver? Is everything okay?" I asked walking up to them.
"Fang!" Carver cried as he rushed over to me to hold me. "Fuck you weren't answering your phone and you weren't answering my texts. I tried your house and nobody was home a-and then I came here cause I thought you were in trouble. A-And why didn't you answer your phone? Did I do something?"
"I-I can explain. Let's talk outside," I said as I motioned him out front.
We both walked out to the front. Carver brought me back to the station wagon. I sat on the hood of the car with me holding my knees to my chest. Carver sat next to me with his feet on the asphalt with his hands planted on the hood.
"So is everything alright? Did I do something to upset you? I was really worried about you, about us," Carver asked again.
"No no, it was me. It's always me, you know that," I sighed. "During The Hunt when you and I got separated, Brock came onto me and he tried to force himself on me."
"He what?! What do you mean he tried to for himself on you? Wh-What did he do?"
"He tried to convince me that he was a better option than you. Then after I defended you he got upset and then I talked about how we haven't done it yet. That's when he told me that we weren't a real couple cause we haven't done it yet. A-And then that's when he tried to um," I paused as that moment replayed in my mind. I was on the verge of tears as the thought consumed me.
"I knew I couldn't trust him. I'm going to kill him," Carver said through gritted teeth.
"Don't Carver."
"But he hurt you! Why are you still defending him?"
"Well it's not like he was actually successful. And I can't have you killing him when his brother's the sheriff. I'll lose you and I can't lose you."
"I have to do something, Fang! You can't expect me to not do anything after everything he's done to you."
"Okay, you can do something. Just don't get caught."
"So that's what's been bothering you this whole time? That Brock almost did that with you? I wish you would have just been straight with me instead of holding it all in."
"I know, I just didn't want to worry you. I know you do a lot of that already. Even though he tried to force himself on me, I was more bothered by the fact that he said we weren't a real couple cause we haven't had sex yet. I know I know priorities right? I should be more pained that I was almost raped but I just keep thinking to myself that maybe he's right. Maybe I don't deserve you because I won't have sex with you. I fear that you'll lose interest in me if I don't hurry up and have sex with you."
"You think I won't like you anymore if we don't have sex? Fang I already told you I can wait till you're ready."
"I-I know but it's not just that. I-I do think about sex, sex with you. But every time I think about it, think about us, I always picture being bad at it. That I'm not gonna be worth your time. That I'm just gonna suck at sex a-and then I also think that once you have me, you won't be satisfied with just me so--"
"Fang, besides my first time, I've never been with anyone like I've been with you. You're my first everything. So in a way, when we do eventually have sex you will be my first. The one that counts," Carver said as he wrapped his right arm around my waist, pulled me closer to him.
I let go of my knees and I just melted into him. I really do feel safe with him. I just can't stop being so hard on myself. I just find it so hard to love myself.
"And to be honest, I don't know what I'm doing either. This is all new to me. But everything that we've experienced together I've loved. And even if our first time is bad and let me be clear I don't think it'll be bad. Nothing's bad with you, ever. But even if there is any awkwardness o-or we don't know what we're doing, I will enjoy our time together. Because I love you, everything about you."
"I-I know. Trust me, I know. I feel like you've said that to me in so many different ways. I just let him get to me. And I--I just--fuck!" I cried out slamming my fists on the hood. "I hate that I let him get under my skin. That I let him get to me like that. I hate that I was too weak to fight him off. I-I know I want to be with you like that. I just--" I sighed and my head hung low. Carver slid off the hood, got on his knees in front of me, and placed his hands on my thighs. Lifting my head, I looked down at him as he looked straight into my eyes.
"Fang I don't want you to be so hard on yourself. I want you to feel comfortable enough to talk to me. I don't want you to feel like you have to talk to somebody else. I am here for you. So if you ever feel like you need to get something off your chest o-or if someone's giving you problems, just come to me okay? Remember what you asked me on Halloween?"
"Yeah I remember."
"Well do you remember my answer?"
"You said--"
"No, I promised you that I would never leave you and I'm sticking to that promise. You can trust me."
"I-I do trust you Carver. And I hate that I hurt you by not coming to you first. I guess I broke my promise already. I-I just need to get out of my head. I promise if there's anything wrong, I'll let you know. No more secrets."
"Good and besides you haven't broken anything yet. Think of it as an obstacle we just had to overcome together" Carver said as he stood up and wrapped his arms around me. "By the way, I can listen to you talk all day and all night. Your voice lures me in and then I just get lost in those beautiful brown eyes of yours."
"Carver, my eyes aren't anything special."
Carver pulled away from me and instead of kissing me like he usually does, he just says to me, "If only you could see what I see. You'd see just how beautiful you really are."
"Okay well I'm just gonna start blushing, you know you have that effect on me."
"I know. I kinda say things without thinking but I can't help it when I'm around you," Carver said scratching his head. "Well should I take you home now or do you want to come over to my place instead?"
"Maybe it'd be a better idea if you just took me home," I said.
Carver and I got into the car and he drove towards my place.
--
During the drive there, he had his right hand on my inner thigh. I think he wanted to move his hand on my crotch as I saw him think about it as his hand inched closer but when he got too close he retracted. It happened a couple times during the drive. I thought about just letting him touch me there by forcing his hand back but I freaked out after what we just finished talking about and I didn't want to let him think that I was ready for that out of the blue. Although I think I am ready for something in that realm if I can figure out what that is.
"So we're here," Carver said as he pulled into my driveway. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow?"
"About that, I was wondering maybe if you'd like to spend the night? My aunt won't be back till later in the morning and I wouldn't mind some company," I said as I winked at him.
"You want me to spend the night?"
"Unless you have something you need to do at home then--"
"What? N-No I don't have any other plans," Carver nervously said. Carver turned the car off, walked out of the driver's side, then walked over to the passenger side and opened the door for me.
He seemed really excited, I hope I didn't oversell it. Once we walked inside, I shut the door and locked the door. I led him back to my room where Carver quickly stripped down to the his silk boxers and slipped under the covers.
"So you coming to bed?" he asked as he lifted the blanket.
"Yeah, one sec," I said as I nervously slipped down to just my briefs. I stood there nervously. My right arm cross against my stomach holding on to my left arm. Carver's eyes widened as he stared in awe.
"Y-You're gonna sleep like that?"
"I don't know. I was hoping we could stay up for a little bit," I said as I slipped underneath the covers with him. "Is that okay?"
"Mhm yup th-that works," Carver said as he blushed and quickly nodded. "S-So wh-what did you have in mind?"
"I'm not sure, but I thought we could try some stuff tonight," I gulped.
"Tr-Try stuff? Like um--"
It was nice to see him sweat like this. Dante was right, he's just like me, nervous. I couldn't wait, I pressed my lips against his but it wasn't like we usually kiss. I was feverish. My hands explored every inch of his chiseled chest as moaned into his mouth. Then back up to his face. I just held on as we both wildly danced in each other's mouth. It didn't take long for him to take the hint. I could feel his hands all over me till he had one hand on the arch of my back and the other squeezing my ass. In the rush of things, Carver turned to lie on his back and I ended up on top straddling him. I perked up as I could feel his hard dick against my own. The sensation of both of our dicks rubbing against each other caused a jolt up my spine and I suddenly gasped. Carver sat up and placed his hands on my waist.
"I-I'm sorry. I-I'm just really--"
"Don't be, I am too," I said panting and placing my hands on his shoulders. "Would it be okay if we just rubbed each other like this? I-If that's too weird th-then--"
"N-No th-this is good too," Carver panted as he thrusted against me.
"Ca-Carver," I moaned into his ear.
"Does that feel good?"
"Ah, y-yes," I panted pulling him closer to me, my hands on the back of his head. "Carver, I'm close."
Carver moved his hands to my ass then pushed me up onto his hard dick. I could feel it between my cheeks. Gyrating now against his stomach, I could feel myself about to cum. "Carver, I'm--nghh." I firmly gripped at his hair and slowly collapsed into him, panting heavily.
"Did you just--"
"Mhm," I nodded. "Did you?"
"W-Well no but it was still good though," Carver tried to assure me. "I-I just don't think that's for me. But i-it's not your fault."
"But I want you to feel good too," I said.
"A-And I did, I just didn't cum."
"Then I can do something else," I said as I slipped off of him.
"Y-You don't have to. I don't want you to do something you're not comfortable with."
"I want to," I said placing my hands at his waistband. "Just lie back and relax."
I slipped his boxers off and watched as his dick sprung back against his stomach. It was long and smooth with a nice pink mushroom head glistening wet in precum; tufts of nicely trimmed black hair around the base with two big balls hanging lowly beneath. It was nothing like Brock's and I was glad, to me it was perfect. I know porn's fake but I guess now's a good a time as any to see if I've learned anything.
Starting from the base wrapping my hand around his dick, I kissed at it until I got back to the top then I flicked my tongue at the slit causing Carver to sharply gasp. It tasted salty. I don't know what I was expecting but I didn't hate it. I licked the tip again but this time with more tongue. The mixture of both my spit and his precum stringing between the tip of my tongue and his slit. Carver shuddered out a pleasured hiss.
I took that as my cue, after taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth as wide as I could and took the plunge. I tried to fit as much as I could, feeling him hit my throat. I had a few more inches left so I pushed down harder, but I instantly gagged and had to pull myself off of him, coughing when my lips slid off of his dick.
"A-Are you okay?" Carver asked quickly sitting up.
"Y-Yeah I-I'm fine. I took more than I thought could handle," I answered wiping the tears from my face. "Now lie back, don't worry about me."
Pooling all the spit in my mouth, I grabbed his dick and pulled my lips forward forcing my spit onto his dick watching as it slid down coating it all. I went back down on him, slobbering all over Carver's meat. I tried to go down further again, I gagged again but I didn't let that discourage me this time. When I went back down, I looked up at him to see if I was doing okay. Our eyes met as he was biting his lower lip then his eyes shot up and his head tilted further back. His breathing was shaky and shallow.
"D-Don't st-stop," Carver whimpered breathy.
Carver brought his knees up and grabbed the back of my head guiding me back down. I continued to bob up and down reaching around squeezing his ass. Between the sloshing sounds of me going down on him and his heavy breathing, I could tell he was getting close. He started to aggressively fuck my mouth causing me to squeeze on his ass tighter.
"F-Fang I-I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum," Carver grunted as he forcibly pushed me all the way down.
Tears streaming down my face, I tried to push off a little but he kept his strong grip on my head. I could feel his body tighten, his thighs locking me in place as he started shooting ropes of cum directly down my throat. His body eventually went limp and convulsed.
I was finally able to lift myself off of him. I wiped the spit from my lips and coughed a couple of times. I then lied next to him watching him breathe heavily. Carver then turned to me and said, "I'm sorry. I-I don't know what came over me." Carver placed his hand on my face wiping my tears away. "I hurt you didn't I? I-I'm sorry."
"It's okay," I said placing my hand on his. "I kinda liked it."
Carver looked at me surprised, then he smiled and kissed me on the lips. "You sure you've never done this before?" Carver asked still panting heavily.
"Carver, you're my first everything. Are you saying I did okay?" I asked unsure as I traced my finger across his sweaty chest.
"Okay? I've never felt this good...ever Fang. You were really, really good."
I smiled then sat back up. "Let me get you a towel to clean up."
Carver quickly grabbed my arm. "St-Stay with me. Just stay with me please," he pleaded breathy.
"Okay well I should at least change out of my underwear. It's a little sticky down there now," I said lying back next to him.
Carver took that as a sign and pulled them down underneath the covers and kicked them off the bed. He then reached down and grabbed at my dick and tugged on it gently.
"You weren't kidding," Carver said with his hand to his lips lapping up the residual juices. "I can't wait to taste you too."
Instantly I felt my face turn red, like always, and I in turn buried my face into his chest. Carver quietly chuckled to himself, kissed my forehead, then tightly wrapped his arms around me. I think I'll finally get my sleep tonight.