Tuesday 17 June 2008 Things I like: Having a completed semester under my belt
So that's that -- last exam just finished, and one sixth of my Bachelor's degree completed, assuming I didn't fuck out on any of the subjects. Exit the half-course on Cell Biology; enter the replacement course on Animal Evolution next semester. Also, add one half-course on Stats, to replace the first semester course on Maths. Apparently it is quite a bitch, so not looking hugely forward to it. And Cem on Friday went well, as did Physics this morning. I had it down as yesterday, but I found out on Friday I had it wrong and it was today. Luckily it was a day late and not a day early. I'm going to still have 4th period off every day, though, so I'll still be able to update you, Diary, you lucky thing! Just as well Physics and Cem went off okay since I have another semester of both, and both are requirements for my majors which I start taking from next year.
Plans for the next few weeks: nothing. Hit the gym because there is still much work to do there, a few parties, a lot of R'n'R, and a significant amount of reconnection are on the cards. I'm a little worried that I don't see Al and Ben as much as I should do now that we're at different universities even though we all still live in the same neighbourhood, so I am trying to put together some shit for us to get up to. I picked up my old waitering job this past weekend again for the vac, the manager Allison is happy to have me back in there with the increases in traffic for the long winter break, and Al still works there too part time, so we should see a little more of each other. Apparently we're not called waiters anymore, they have switched to waitrons since March this year; Head Office is doing their damnedest to rise above being a simple, family-oriented burger joint in a big national chain. We often had shifts together when I worked there previously, so hopefully we can align timetables a bit again. I'm going to work hard to do my part to keep us from drifting. Ben really threw himself into work for the exams and just has been pretty scarce. So I'm going to suggest all manner of fun things for us to do as opposed to just the usual boozing. These are my oldest mates and I don't want to lose touch with them, and of course at some point I get to be really brave and tell them My Story. I want to say I trust them to do right by me, but in all honesty I still don't quite know what's going to happen there when I do, sadly. The internet is full of awful stories of guys whose friends ditched them, and I guess at some point you have to just kinda roll the dice and be prepared for whichever number comes up.
Nothing further from next-door Trevor after last week's gymcident. We went as usual last week Wednesday, that's two days after it happened, and again this past Sunday afternoon with nothing else about my dubious sexuality being said. I'm still a little skittish about it all, for obvious reasons. A small part of me really want to sack up and just straight-up ask why he thinks I am gay so I know how obvious I am, but a big part of me doesn't want to open me up to further suspicion, since he already clearly suspects, and I don't know how to bring up without doing exactly that. I'm hypersensitive to it now; I guess a str8 could ask another str8 why they thought so, but I'm not sure I could. Would it matter? He's not likely going to mention it to my folks or anything even if he was suspicious, and he doesn't know anyone else I know, so should I just ask? We're going to avoid the bleedin' obvious that I should just tell him, so don't even think about suggesting that, yeah? This is a whole `nother thing.
So should I risk it and just ask, all casual and all? Might be useful to know what my tell is if I do want to stay deeply hidden, after all. I am trying to butch it up a bit, though, which is hard when I don't have a reference point other than the previous one was clearly not quite butch enough. I don't want to do anything too OTT, which for sure and with absolutely no doubt will have my mother bluntly ask me why am I suddenly "acting/walking/speaking like an idiot," as only she can in her delightfully unfiltered, brutally honest and probably deeply damaging way, and which I will not know how to answer without making up a bunch of lies. But also I need to knock the doubt right out of everyone else with some sleight of hand and deft deflection, so I'm trying to act a bit more hetero without knowing at all where I should be focused. What could possibly go wrong?
Like I don't ask for much, but this is just such a mess it is like the definition of awkies, and I really don't know how to play it. What is the correct way to deal with this? Why don't they teach us useful shit like this at school instead of, say, trigonometry? I feel this would have far more value to me, now and in the future, than understanding how to calculate how much speed and at what angle I'd need to swim at to cross a fast-moving river to make it to a certain point on the other side -- a common occurrence, if high school physics is a reasonable metric in this regard - which I feel would be kinda trial and error anyway unless the current's actual speed was posted on a sign on the riverbank, and also I had a scientific calculator with me while I was there and a speedometer attached to my wrist to know if I was in fact going fast enough, all while trying to, you know, not drown. Trig does seem like a very niche set of skills, quite frankly; some instruction or guidelines for dealing with social landmines and developmental milestones might be somewhat more beneficial, I feel. How about it, school curriculum planners?
Speaking of Trevors, it's varsity Trevor's birthday next week and I've cracked the nod to his big bash along with Kim. Apparently it's at Pancho's in Observatory, my favourite restaurant in all of Cape Town, so I'm looking rather forward to it. Not sure what to get him as a gift -- what do you get for the boy who has everything? -- so hopefully Kim has an idea or two and we can go halvies on something. He's still keen on her but I'm guessing she's not volunteering to give him a date, a pity because that would be a.) cheap for me; my savings from working through end of school vac before varsity started is almost nil by now so getting my old job back was a necessity, and b.) hilarious. I reckon he's quite a handsy kind of guy -- double trouble! I probably shouldn't really think of Kim getting lightly molested as a source of amusement, but... guilty.
Right... cue holidays in 3... 2... 1... go. :D <--- used ironically; I definitely don't do smileys.
-C