Tuesday 1 April 2008
Fact of the day: The universe is about 16 billion years old; the Earth apparently only about 5 billion. Humans that were more human than ape (debatable, in some people's cases) as we know them have only existed for about 200 thousand years. They reckon the earth only has about 500 million years left in it of support of life as we know it, even though at current rates the population will be close to 500 billion by the year 4000. If we make it that far.
Big news – I came out! My family were great, 100% supportive. Best. day Ever.
Nah, check the date above, man. One day this will all be true, but not today.
Things are still strained at home. Mandy is driving my mother spare over the OTT planning for her upcoming Big Birthday Bash in a couple weeks' time and in turn my mom is bugging my dad, who has been crankier than usual. This is quite common for this time of year, actually, as my sister prepares for The Event, and Al and Gareth get all creepy about hanging around my sister's hot friends. We're varsity boys now, chaps, we don't still need to perv at high school girls, do we? I love my crew to death, but Ben is the only one of them who doesn't turn into Pepe le Pew when my sister has a birthday party.
Then I overheard the `rentals talking in hushed undertones on Saturday morning about how "it would be really strange to have all that again after such a long time" and I didn't quite know what "all that" was. The only thing we haven't had in quite a long time which springs to mind is a big Sunday roast; I doubt that's the issue, though, and I doubt I'd be terribly popular if I were to crack that one at the dinner table, either. Dad would laugh. Mom... not so much.
Then last night – they don't realise how sound carries in the house sometimes – my mom said "and remember how weird Charley was about the whole thing" and suddenly it hit me. The other prospect – chilling, at that – is that it might mean Great Uncle Joe is coming to stay. He stayed with us about five years ago for about six weeks while his kids – my mom's cousins, living abroad – were trying to place him in a home after Great Aunt Hilda died. He's very old and very senile and was in need of care after her death and it was a bit of an ask with him staying with us. I don't mean to be a poes about it, but he's not exactly all there in his head and his thinking I was everyone from his son to his wife to you name it got a little old and a little tired quite quickly. It sounds selfish, but I was thirteen and unless you are a very specific type of kid who is good with this sort of thing – I wasn't – you just don't really know how to handle all that without coming off as a spoiled brat.
Then one sunny afternoon I suddenly became his old army buddy who died in his arms, shot through the neck, during the defending of Holland in World War 2. Scared the living fuck out of me, that part – he just grabbed me from behind, strong for an old guy and I couldn't get loose, and started crying in between telling me it would be okay and yelling frantically for a medic. It lasted about thirty seconds, maybe, a lifetime to the terrified adolescent I was back then, before he switched off the scene in his head completely and just stopped. I only heard about the army buddy later on from my dad, because apparently that little flashback happens regularly enough every couple of months, but I'm still scarred. Please tell me Uncle Joe isn't coming back for an extended stay.
That aside, things appear to be at the uneasy truce stage. Even Mandy seems to be more conciliatory than usual and has reigned in her die-hard feminist diatribes on my mom's oppression by the household males – dad and me – for the sake of peace in the ol' homestead. Seriously, that's like the breaking of the Seventh Seal; time for all of us to worry, perhaps?
In other news, we have new neighbours. Haven't met them yet, but my mom says a removal truck unloaded some stuff there this morning. What are the chances that they have a hot, gay son who'd love to experiment a bit? Oh, no, wait... it's not Christmas, and at last count I don't think G_d owed me any favours; scratch that. I'd even forgotten the previous ones were moving out, since we weren't ever big buddies with them. As for the new ones... probably an annoying old couple with an antique, reeking, small, yappy-type dog who'll look for any excuse to kick up a stink about everything like a pair of relentless do-gooders hell-bent on paving the roads into the 9 Circles with their intentions.
Ian... well, he cancelled yesterday's session. They left me a voicemail during 5th period saying he had to go somewhere urgently and they'd like to reschedule if I could, so when I got there straight after 5th without checking my voicemail I changed it to tomorrow morning during 4th period, my freebie when I usually update you, Diary. Don't miss me too much! Anyway, I wonder if it's genuine, or if I scared him with my monster cockstand on Friday and he's trying to get me moved to another of their physios, or booted out of the practice entirely? Don't want to have to explain that one to my mom if I can help it... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous.
-C