Red Bull Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Ak’s tongue is in my mouth. I slam him up against the nearest wall trying to see what the taste of the back of his throat is. I forget about everything right now as the blood rushes to my throbbing dick. All I can think about is pressing my manhood against the strong, young, lean thug.
Somehow my lips had locked with my brother’s lover. I don’t know what comes over me at that moment honestly. It is straight fucking fervor. In a matter of seconds after our kiss my dick is hard, my pulse is racing and a sweat bead centers underneath my lip. I reach out to him desperate to feel him in any way possible. I want to touch his dick, his ass, his everything. In those moments, I was a slave to him almost as though everything I have ever felt before has been misplaced.
I squeeze his dick through his pants. It’s long, thick, cut and semi-hard. He may have been turned on by the kiss but the idea of pushing it any further causes him to push me away.
“Yo—-chill nigga!”
When we depart his lips are still glistening from my spit. I can still taste him in my mouth. I’m left there panting almost tasting how sweet he was.
And reluctantly I say what I think we are both feeling, “What… nigga you want this shit too…”
I’m standing in this room and my dick is out. It slaps in my palm. 10 inches worth of thick hard, veiny dick with a large bulbous head. I wonder how it would look filled in the mouth of a man...strong, hairy and aggressive as opposed to the delicate mouth of a woman.
“You got me all wrong. I love your brother nigga…” he states , shaking his head, “You remember you have a brother right that I’m engaged to.”
All of a sudden it was that gloom again. That one mild second of completely feeling relieved was crushed when I realized that AK was right. He was with my brother and in that moment I let my own desires speak completely forgetting about my brother.
“Of course I didn’t forget about Joshua…”
He looks at me and he doesn’t believe me. I don’t believe myself. I’m filled with all this shame at this point. Why hadn’t I been able to control myself?
“You and your family are hypocrites. Joshua is a good guy and he’s doing great things in the world. Instead of thanking him for coming back and sharing all these gifts with you all… you betray him?”
“I didn’t know what I was thinking...can you please, please not tell him?”
It would crush Joshua.
“I can’t...he isn’t talking to me. He blames me. Remember?”
“The worst you’ll get is a slap on the wrist.”
“Fuck the law. I had a good life and now that’s ruined because your family is trying to frame me for something I didn’t do.”
I shake my head. The way he is talking to me is harsh. Really harsh.
“It's time for you to get out…”
He laughs, “You Wallace’s are all bitter to your core save Joshua and I just hope he doesn’t get like you all.”
“Fuck you bitch,” I growl making sure I get the door open for him.
I’m not in his face at this point because he had dirt on me. Anyone else trashing my family would have been on the ground picking up his teeth by now.
He shakes his head.
“I was wrong for coming here. Thought I might have had you wrong but I had you right. You persecute your brother for his sexuality but both you and Jamison have been caught with your pants down about guys this whole time.”
“Who are you to judge?”
“No one,” is his reply, “Only God judges. Funny how he works huh? Both Wallace brothers turned gay for a season to understand all the shit they did to Joshua.”
“That shit don’t even make sense.”
“Yeah neither is you liking girls all your life and all of a sudden wanting to shove your tongue down my throat. And look… Jamison didn’t learn anything during his phase. Will you learn anything in yours?”
~
Two weeks pass.
Good news is there is no other thoughts about guys in the two weeks after I have a “situation” with AK.
The words of AK stay in my head like a curse. I can’t get them out of my head. It’s as though he was doing this on purpose. Had we done wrong to Joshua in the past...yes… but we were not the ones who told him to live in sin.
We only wanted him to repent.
But what about my soul?
“Are you Ok?” Jamison asked, “You missed your niece's funeral.”
I’d gone into hiding. Not eating, not sleeping and not really living. I think it’s clear when Jamison asks how I am.
Jamila and Jamison arrive at the same time. Jamila is having one of her good days. She doesn’t seem high and her clothes are at least clean. Days like this guys pay extra attention as she walks by to the irritation of Jamison who arrives with her and had to deal with much of it.
When they sit at the table all eyes are on me. I was anxious. My palms were sweating and my clothes disheveled.
“I’m fine,” blowing off her question, “Have you all heard from Joshua.”
We are at brunch downtown. It was one of my Grandma’s favorite spots when she was alive . She would come here, eat and tell us stories about all the things Jesus did. She used to tell us that back in the day there wasn’t even a Bible. Back in the day people knew a living Jesus and they learned from him and perhaps we can learn from him like they did.
I always wondered how it would be possible to learn from Jesus now that he was dead?
“Not since Jamison threw a Bible at him after Isabella’s funeral telling him that gay people are possessed by demons..”
“It’s the fuckin reason Isabella’s dead,” Jamison grunts, “Has this gay thing not been a curse to us all?”
We all get quiet.
“You’re right,” I have to agree.
Jamila is a little reluctant, “But Grandma used to want us to just let Joshua be who he wanted to be…”
Jamison shakes his head, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Those drugs eating your brain Jamila? The Bible is very VERY clear. Homosexuals will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”
“Is the Bible clear?” I honestly ask before admitting, “Whenever I read it… it was kind of unclear.”
Nothing made sense. Not even the words. When did I learn how to speak in first Century Greek? No, I didn’t get the Bible but that is when Jamison pulls out a bible and slams it on the table.
Jamila nods in agreement surprisingly, “Yeah Jamison You gotta be careful telling people how to worship...especially since you’ve had one night stands longer than you’ve been religious…”
I almost choke out my orange juice. At this point we are eating and Jamila’s push back is something I don’t expect. Jamila and Jamison always had a weird relationship. It’s like they fed off of each other’s negativity. My grandmother always called them kited souls. Said if they didn’t have a rock they’d just fly away. Looking at them now they look the most similar to each other. They both had wide spread noses, flawless skin and eyes that slant just slightly.
“You sinful bitch,” he rages.
I snatch him up feeling like I had to defend Jamila or more-over put Jamison back in his place.
“What I say about you shredding this fuckin family like that Jamison,”. My hands are on his collar. He pushes me back. We cause this huge scene in the next few minutes that gets us kicked out.
The parking lot is no better. When we get kicked out we stand out there. All three of us seeming to be seething from one thing or another.
After a second Jamila says what we all been thinking, “Fine Jamison. You got a point about this.”
“Even Joshua?” He asks.
Gay Joshua. The black sheep of the family. The one who brought all this dysfunction in the first place was who we were referring to. I could feel the resistance in those moments when he just stands there and looks away during family dinners. It’s as though Joshua never felt apart of us. It was as though something removed him from us all along.
It’s the reason why he wasn’t at this family meeting now. It’s the same thing we all got about him.
“Yeah...I asked Joshua for money and usually he calls back but lately...it’s like all he thinks about is himself.”
She is highly irritated with this.
“Well his daughter did just die…” I point out.
Jamila looks at me like I have three heads. I think in that moment that surely Jamison knows what is happening . But the way he looks back at me proved that he is more in Jamila’s thinking then mine.
“That doesn’t excuse him for being a dick to everyone,” Jamison points out.
“Right,” Jamila rolls her eyes, “How selfish is he?
“He thinks he’s better than us. Him and his little so-called family,”. Jamison adds before spitting on the curb, “The death of that little girl is truly a punishment from God.”
“You think?” Jamila asks.
Jamison was turning her. It was weird seeing how he worked her. She was eating out of his palms in this moments. It was almost as though a little whisper from him and all the problems that she couldn’t fix in her life were being placed in Joshua’s lap.
“Oh yeah. And until he repents we all will continue to be punished.”
The way he says it is truly shocking in a way. Seeing the darkness cover his eyes in this moment makes me think that I don’t even recognize Jamison. He is so passionate about it. No wonder Jamila is convinced.
Jamison couldn’t possibly be wrong about something he was so passionate about right.
“You sure the Bible says it’s wrong?”
Jamison gives me a look, “I’ll take it further bro… God came to me...said that nigga was wrong.”
I shake my head. They trash Joshua for a little bit longer. I don’t join in but by the end of that little trip Jamila is fully convinced that Jamison had it right. I was less sure. It’s not that I didn’t believe in God or a Demon but I just didn’t understand why God would attack Joshua. Out of all of us… Joshua? He was the one who came back, opened up the old club, and revamped our lives.
So when I get a text from him I just stare at the phone. I am unsure in those moments on how I can respond to him. I am unsure on what I could possibly do.
Jamison seems to read the despair on my face, “It’s him ain’t it.”
I show him the text. I hadn’t even read it myself and I regret handing him my phone. I don’t know why I did it. Jamison seemed to have a way of getting you to do what he wanted.
“Did he?
“The family has the devil all up in it…”
I hate to admit it, “You have a point.”
The fact that everywhere we went was some sort of confrontation in one way or another is frightening. I just wanted the opportunity to really show Jamison and Jamila a better way.
I wanted to be that rock. But what happens to a kite when the rock is thrown away? Nothing holds onto the kite and so I wonder every day when my family will just go flying away.
“What’s he want?” I asks.
“AK is coming over … he wants you there to make sure nothing crazy happens…” Jamison explains to me.
Knowing my brother needed me I just jump straight to my feet. That’s just the type of nigga I am. I protected. I was the lion of the family and everyone knew it...including AK. I had been keeping guys away from him since I noticed he was growing a little bit of butt and the neighborhood DL boys just went out of their way to have extra conversations.
I even reach inside my jacket making sure my gat was there.
“The family forbids it…” Jamison gets up and looks me right in the eyes.
I almost laugh. He was really looking at me as though he was giving an order. And in that moment I swear I saw my father. It wasn’t just how Jamison says it but it’s how he does it afterward. He looks over at Jamila. He’s spent hours now convincing her that Joshua and his relationship would mean the destruction of us all.
Jamila turns to the ground with a bitter look on her face as though tasting sour fruit, “Jamison is right.”
I shake my head, “But it’s Joshua. Our Joshua.”
“He’s not ours. Until he repents and changes his ways and stop thinking having sex with a man is the natural way of God then he cannot sit with us.”
“I just don’t want my brother to go to hell,” Jamila sours but pauses and turns quickly as though having some sort of fuckin revalation, “But he controls the accounts.”
The two of them look so completely fucking blocked. Jamison is hesitant, “Marcella. Joyous you can get her to release some money to hold us over…”
“Everything is In Joshua's authority.”
He sighs deeply, “I’ve never seen a more selfish man in my fucking life. I swear to God.”
Jamila looks like she is about an inch from withdrawal, “Can Joyous go then? At least for the money?”
I’m shocked by Jamila. It is more because Jamila owes so much to Joshua. The guy literally spent thousands of dollars going to the best treatment centers and for some reason nothing broke the addiction for Jamila. Nothing at all. The dependency on the substance literally stifled her life ...until Joshua came back to save her again. And he always came back to save her…
I look over at Jamison. I wanna argue with him but it wasn’t worth it. He already had Jamila wrapped around his finger. It wouldn't take much to get Uncle Regis and his Bebe Kids to do exactly what he wanted too.
Jamison, almost as though he's holy figure raises his hands as though he is speaking to God, “God says that he must repent and give over the money. You will get it from him.”
I’m more than excited about that idea. I just honestly wanted to be there for Joshua. I knew that he was sinful and honestly at this point Jamisons argument about Joshua going to hell just honestly made sense, but Joshua was still my brother.
“Give him this…”. Jamison states, “For both of you. It worked. It fixed me…”
Jamison hands me something. It’s a card. On the back of the card written in bold black words were : Evangelical Gay Conversion Therapy.
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