Rebound

Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:

1. If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.

2. I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.

Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.

That said, we now continue.

Justin and I glanced at each other, trying to process what JC had just said. Joey, off to the side of the patio, was doing his best to nonchalantly clean up the burning rocket wreckage, dipping each piece in a bowl of water before he put it in the garbage can, while simultaneously eavesdropping on every word we were saying. I caught him out of the corner of my eye with his mouth hanging open before he caught himself and went back to slowly, slowly cleaning. Maybe we should have just invited him over, so he could hear better. He could have sat next to JC, who was waiting across from us for an answer, his blue green eyes bright and sparkling above that same tentative half smile.

"JC, I already told you not to move out," Justin said, still holding my hand. "The house belongs to both of us, and Joey said we can stay here as long as we have to."

"No, no," JC said, shaking his head. "I'm not moving out, unless you want me to. I just, I don't feel right having you live out of suitcases when you can come home, and I know you want to stay with Chris, so, I thought, you know, that's why I think both of you should move in."

"What about you?" I asked. "Last time we talked to you about this, over at Chris's, you said that you didn't want to see Justin and I together. Not to rub it in your face or anything, but, you know, when he and I are in private you can't expect us to not be affectionate with each other. God knows we've already had that argument with Lance."

"What happened with Lance?" JC asked sharply, his eyes ticking over to Justin. The unspoken question of whether or not Justin was ok was evident in his features, but Justin just gave a little shrug. "You guys broke a rule, didn't you?"

"Yeah, and Lance and I talked about it," I said, even though he had said it as more of a statement than a question. Justin nodded again, content to let me speak for us both. "I'm not good with rules, JC, and if we come to the house, we're going to be ourselves."

"I know," JC said, nodding. He swallowed, but I recognized it as a pause for him to find words more than as something he needed. "Chris, I know kind of what it's like for you, and I'm sure Justin has said it, too. I know what it's like to feel like everyone's always looking when you're out in public, how frustrating that can be for you when you want to hold hands or hug or something else, and how that makes your private time even more valuable and precious. I wouldn't ask Justin to move back into the house if I was going to make that kind of a demand on him, and that means I wouldn't make it on you, either."

"Then I guess we don't understand," Justin said, his consternation visible on his face. "You want us around you?"

"Yes," JC answered, not hesitating. I noticed that he gestured with his hands a lot when he talked, and now his long, thin fingers were all steepled together in the center of the table as he tried to explain. "Look, Justin, one of the things Chris said yesterday was that you miss me as a friend, that you miss the way things used to be. I know that you said that, too, and that I said we would try to be friends, but I didn't, I guess before Chris said it and I started thinking about it, I didn't realize that I miss that, too. I miss hearing you around the house, beatboxing and cracking your knuckles. I miss having someone to play games against, and I just, I miss the company. I miss the sound of your voice, or the way you laugh. I miss the way we used to be, the way that I could look at you and know what you were thinking, and know that you could do the same for me."

That didn't sound like the kind of person who missed a friend. If he missed the sound of Justin's voice, he could pick up the phone. If he wanted someone to play games with, he could call his good buddy Chris. If he wanted company, he could come over here. If he wanted to hear Justin beatboxing, he could grab that tape of the last concert tour. Hell, he could watch the DVD. He didn't need to have Justin around, sleeping in the same house, living in close proximity to him, for any of that.

"What about me?" I asked, doing my best to keep it from being too sharp. "You and I don't even know each other."

"I know," JC said, nodding. "But if you're part of Justin's life now, and you're important to him, then I think that this would be a good way for me to get to know you, too. Justin, you're my best friend, or you were, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'd like it if you were again. I know that what was between us is over, and that you're moving on, and I really do mean it when I say that I want you to be happy. I don't think you can be if you can't be where you feel comfortable."

Justin's bottom lip was trembling when I looked over at him, and I knew I couldn't say anything to ruin this for him. JC reaching out to him, not just paying lip service to being his friend but actually trying to do it, was exactly what he'd been hoping for, exactly what he wanted. I'd done my part to help make him happy by trying to bring it about by going to JC, and now that it had worked it was really too late for me to decide that maybe it wasn't such a good idea after all. I tugged at Justin's hand and angled my head toward the pool. He nodded.

"JC, would you mind if we, um, talked for a second?" Justin asked.

"No, not at all," he said, shaking his head. "I know I kind of caught you guys off guard with this. You don't even have to decide today, not if you don't want to. I'll just go help Joey set the rest of the furniture up."

"Yeah, because that's all I'm doing," Joey said quickly, causing all three of us to jump. I'd kind of forgotten he was there, since he was being so quiet, and I guess the other two had as well. "I'm just cleaning up the patio, not eavesdropping or anything else."

"Yeah, right," I said, chuckling.

"Sure you're not listening," Justin said as we stood. He wasn't mad, either. Leave it to Joey to take the tension out of a bad situation. We all smiled at each other, and Justin and I walked quietly around the edge of the pool until we were on the far side, by the pool house. Justin took both my hands as we faced each other, and leaned his head down a little as I stared up into his eyes. "Well, what do you think?"

Right then, watching Justin's blue eyes sparkle in the sunlight, I knew that everything would be ok. My jealousy was stupid, completely foolish. Here was JC, doing exactly what Justin wanted to, and Justin wouldn't take it without checking with me first. My opinion mattered to him, and he was willing to risk losing someone very important to him in order to keep me. I could see in his face that if I said no, Justin would walk back around the pool and tell JC that he appreciated the offer, but that we were going to stay here with Joey for a while. Seeing that, I knew that I couldn't deny him this. I wanted Justin to be happy, and that was more important than my worries about how perfect JC was and how he still felt about Justin.

"Justin, this is exactly what you want," I pointed out. "You told me how much you missed having JC as a friend, and that's exactly what he just told you."

"Yeah, but I think we need to talk," Justin said quietly. "I know you haven't said anything, but, well, are you intimidated by JC?"

I blinked, startled.

"Why do you think that?" I asked quickly. I couldn't believe he had cut right through the middle of it.

"Why are you stalling?" Justin asked, his smile slipping a little. He tugged me toward a bench on the far side of the pool. Joey threw a lot of parties, apparently, so there was a lot of seating in the backyard. "Come here and talk to me, please."

"OK," I said, sitting down.

Across the pool, Joey and JC finished what they were doing and went into the house, JC throwing in a little stretch, arms flexing behind his head, and I couldn't help but watch. I had good arms, but I wasn't tan like that. I was one of those redheads who never tanned, my skin either being a creamy white alabaster that Matt and Justin had both insisted was extremely sexy even though I thought it looked kind of sallow, or a bright, painful red whenever I caught too much sun. I had freckles across my shoulders, like Justin did, but I also had them down my arms, and smattered boyishly across the bridge of my nose. JC didn't have any of that. He had a couple freckles, but his skin always looked bronzed, tanned, like Justin's. As I stared, I thought again that I would never look like that, and I caught Justin watching me.

"Chris, I can tell he makes you uncomfortable," Justin said. I looked at him, wanting to protest again, but wasn't even sure of what I could say. "I know you haven't said it, but I know you. You don't have to say anything. When you're around JC, you're different. When I met you, you were like, I don't know. You stood up to everybody and you talked back and you didn't take any crap from anyone else. It was, you're, I've never been comfortable, all the way, with who I am, because I can't be. I'm not out to the world, and you are, and it gives you this self confidence, and this assurance. And all the stuff that popped up, me being a brat, Chris flipping out on us, April doing the same thing, you took it all head on, and it was almost like you were begging for more."

"Justin, you're like that, too," I said, shaking my head. "Your self confidence rolls off of you like fog. Everyone who sees you sees it, and you know it."

"But we're not talking about me," he said, grinning. "We're talking about you, and the way you act."

"And I've been acting differently?" I asked. I didn't think my feelings had been so obvious, and maybe they weren't to anyone but Justin.

"Yeah, but only around JC," he said, nodding. "With everyone else, you're the same, but when you're around JC, I can see it. He makes you uncomfortable. You fidget, and you never do that. You pick at your clothes, or you touch your hair, and the way you stand, it's, I don't know, your shoulders kind of drop a little. And then when you do talk to him, half the time it's like, I don't know, like you have something to prove. I'm not criticizing, and I guess if I was in your shoes, I might be a little threatened, too, if the ex boyfriend was hanging around all the time. I don't even think you realize you do it, and I don't think anyone else notices, but I do. I'm just not sure why being around him affects you like that."

I couldn't believe he didn't get it. I stared at him, squeezing his hand, but his face was filled only with curiosity and concern. He really, truly, didn't understand why I felt this way, even if he had picked up on something that I'd thought I was keeping to myself so well.

"Justin, look at him," I said, holding up my hands. "Look at him, and look at me. He's like, Mr. Perfect. He's polite and kind and gorgeous and musical, and everything else that interests you. He's your best friend and your first boyfriend and he dances good and he knows you and your mother likes him and he's just everything that I'm not. He's rich and talented and he has everything going for him."

"Not everything," Justin said, shaking his head. "He's not you. I love you, and everything about you. And maybe he's different from you, but you have so much going for you, too, and besides, I already had all that, and it didn't make me happy. You do."

"Justin," I said, feeling my throat seize up again, choking off the words that I really wanted to say. He could read them in my face, but just once I wanted him to hear them from my mouth, and it seemed like that time would never be right.

"I want this very much," he said, leaning over to kiss my cheek. "I want to go back home to my house, and I want to be best friends with JC again, if we can be, if we can both get past the way he hurt me before and the way I'm hurting him now, but I don't want it enough for it to cost me you. If you're not comfortable with this, then my answer is no."

The truth was that I wasn't comfortable with it. I didn't want JC around, not when he was so obviously carrying a torch for Justin, and not when Justin was so determined to be close to him again. In my heart I was afraid that the same thing would happen between them as had when they first got together, that close friendship would blossom into love, and I would be left behind. At the same time, I was terribly afraid that I was going to be the one to hurt Justin, that I was never going to be able to tell him I loved him because I would never love him enough. If I was going to do that to him, then the best place for him to be would be with someone who cared about him, someone he could fall back on. He should be with someone he could rebound to if things didn't work out between him and me.

"If this is what you want, then this is what I want," I said, shaking my head. "I want you to be happy, baby."

"Are you sure?" he asked seriously.

"Yes," I answered, and on this one point I definitely was sure of what I wanted. "I want you and JC to be friends again."

"I love you!" Justin blurted, crushing me against him in a hug. My face was pressed into the crook of his neck, his hair brushing me, his arms tight around me. "I love you so much. Thank you, Chris. Thank you."

"You're welcome," I said, squeezing him back, feeling his heart pound through our shirts and his body flexing. We pulled back, and I could see the happiness in his face, the bright optimism spreading through it like the sun had just come out from behind a cloud. "We should go back up to the house and tell him."

When we walked in, stepping quietly into the kitchen, Joey and JC were sitting at the table, puzzling over the rocket directions as JC tried to explain to him exactly what had gone wrong. Two glasses of ginger ale sat next to them, sweating lightly on the tabletop, droplets of water slowly rolling down the side, and I realized I was thirsty, too. Joey and JC both glanced up at us, Joey looking at me and JC looking at Justin, both of them studying us. I pointed at the glasses.

"Is there more of that in the fridge?" I asked, and Joey nodded. As I walked over, Justin fidgeted a little, unsure of what to say. JC spoke first, saving him.

"Did you guys make a decision?" he asked carefully, watching Justin.

"Yeah, we, um, we did," Justin answered, nodding. I turned, setting my empty glass down on the counter and closing the cabinet. "Chris and I, we, um, we want to come back to the house with you."

JC stood so fast, his face breaking into a smile so wide that even his slightly crooked teeth looked perfect, but then he and Justin just stood kind of awkwardly with their arms twitching, like they wanting to hug, but weren't sure if they should. I nodded at Justin, catching his eyes as they glanced, watering, at me, and then he carefully wrapped his arms around JC, patting him on the back. It was tentative, their arms and shoulders touching but their bodies apart, and over their shoulders I caught Joey watching me, and gave him a little shrug as I poured myself a glass. When they pulled apart, both of them looked like they wanted to cry. How could I keep that from Justin? What kind of boyfriend would I be if I kept him from being happy?

"Thank you for saying you'd come home," JC whispered. "I've missed you so much."

"Thanks for asking," Justin said, sniffling. JC turned to me, holding out his hand. I took it, not really holding tightly, and gave him the briefest of handshakes.

"Thank you, too, Chris," he said, smiling. "I don't think, I probably wouldn't have come to ask you guys if you hadn't talked to me yesterday. Thank you for reminding me that Justin and I were friends before anything else, and that maybe we could be again. I hope you and I, someday, can be friends, too."

"I hope so, too," I said, and I guess I meant it, at least in the way that I wanted to be friends with him less than I wanted to be his enemy. Maybe he wasn't a threat, and maybe Justin really did care about me more, but when I saw them hug, something inside me had started sinking. I could only hope that I caught it before I hit bottom.

JC didn't stay much longer after that, claiming that he had some errands to run, and that he wanted to get some food, because there wasn't really enough in the house for three people. He asked if there was anything special I wanted, and when I thought of a couple of things he surprised me by pulling out a small pad to write them down. I should have known he would, because it was just the perfect thing to do, and I started to wonder if maybe this was a bad idea after all. Justin and I decided that we wanted to have one last dinner with Joey and Kelly, sort of a thank you dinner for them letting us stay at the house these past few days, and then we would pack up our stuff, deciding when we saw how late it was when we were done whether we'd head over to the house tonight or wait until the morning.

Kelly greeted the news on her arrival home with the same easygoing acceptance she used to roll with all the other punches, but Joey was rather subdued for all of dinner, and waited until later on to pull me aside when he had a minute. Justin raced upstairs to pack, but I stayed behind in the kitchen to help Joey load the dishwasher while Kelly took Bri for her after dinner bath.

"Chris, are you sure this is a good idea?" Joey asked, glancing furtively down the hallway. "I mean, seriously, have you thought about this?"

"Yes," I said, shrugging. "This is what Justin wants."

"Yeah, that's great," Joey said, shaking his head. "Look, Chris, I'm not trying to cause trouble, I swear."

"But you're about to," I said, crossing my arms. "Joey, please, don't start anything. It's bad enough knowing Chris is trying to break us up, and that Lance thinks we're going to burn in hell, oh, and that Justin's mother hates us. Please, just please be a friend."

"I'm trying to be," Joey whispered. "If you're so worried about everyone else breaking you up, why are you trying to do it yourself?"

"I'm trying to do what makes Justin happy," I said, shaking my head. "I'm trying to do what he wants because I care that much about him."

"What about you?" Joey asked, leading me toward the back door. He opened it and pulled me outside, so that we could talk without him having to keep looking down the hall. "What about what you want?"

"Why are we having this discussion?" I demanded, annoyed. I was tense enough about being around JC without Joey making it worse by telling me I should be? "I already told you, and I've told you all along. I want Justin to be happy."

"And he knows it," Joey said, frowning. "Haven't you noticed that Justin always gets what he wants? I'm not saying that to attack him or to piss you off. I just, I don't know if this is a good idea."

"Yeah, you mentioned that," I snapped, more irked by the second.

"Chris, please don't get mad," Joey implored me, shaking his head. "I like you, I do, and I think you and Justin have a chance with each other. You guys have a good thing going, and I think that's why this is a bad idea. JC's willing to let Justin go, because he feels so bad about hurting him, but do you really think he's going to be able to watch the two of you right under his nose? Right there in his face?"

"He thinks he is," I said softly.

"Yeah, because he cares more about what Justin wants, too," Joey said. "That's all I'm trying to say, I guess. Sure, this will make Justin happy, but what the hell is it going to do to you, and to JC? And what about Justin, anyway? How do you know he's ready to spend this much time with JC, and just think of him as a friend? Old habits are hard to break, Chris, and I really don't want to see you get hurt."

"What do you want me to do, Joey?" I demanded, exasperated. Joey stepped back, but I'd had it. "Honestly? What the hell am I supposed to say? Yes, JC makes me a little uncomfortable, but I'm willing to live with that to make Justin happy, because I trust Justin. He asked me first, and I'm the one who went to JC to begin with, so it would be a little late to go back on it now. Too many people would have something to say."

"What do you mean?" Joey asked.

"You know what I mean," I said, shaking my head. "If I said no, then Chris would be even more pissed at me for brining it up to JC in the first place and then dashing his hopes. Justin's mom would be able to say that I didn't trust him, and that I won't be able to let him go on tour without me or anything else because I don't want him around JC."

"You can't base your relationship with Justin on what other people tell you to do," Joey said, shaking his head, as if he himself weren't just telling me what to do a minute ago. "You have to do what you guys think is best. If you listen to everyone else, it's like, it's kind of like a trap that you fall into. First you start listening, then you start worrying, and you stop thinking about yourselves and start worrying more about what everyone else thinks about you. You can't do that. It's the way too many of these turn out badly."

"Then why are you trying to tell me what I should do?" I asked, smirking a little. Joey, recognizing the divide, smirked, too.

"You're right," Joey said, shrugging. "I'm just, you know, trying to be a friend. I guess I'm just going about it kind of stupid."

"You're not stupid, Joey," I said, smiling. "Just, if you're going to be a friend, please be my friend right now by not saying anything about this? I know it's not perfect, but I want to try this for his sake, and I already have enough doubts of my own without other people adding them to the pile."

"OK," Joey said, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," I said, shaking my head. "There's nothing wrong with trying to be a friend, and, you know, with you at least I know you were doing it because you're genuinely concerned, and not because you're just trying to cause trouble or whatever else."

"I just hope this is the right thing for you guys," Joey said, shaking his head.

"Did you see Justin's face?" I asked. "The way he smiled? Did you see both of them, the way they looked? If two people are that happy to see each other, it can't be a bad thing. This is right, Joey. Trust me."

"OK," he said, nodding. "Kelly would kick me in the head if I didn't say this, but it comes from me, too. If this doesn't work out, you guys are always welcome here, and if you need anything, either of you, just call, ok?"

"OK," I answered, nodding. "I should go help Justin pack."

We started to head back into the house, but something JC had said earlier was still bouncing around in my mind, and I wanted to know what Joey thought about it.

"Hey Joe?" I asked, tapping his shoulder.

"Yeah?" he answered.

"This is going to sound kind of stupid after I just asked you not to talk about this," I began, squirming a little. "But JC said something earlier, when he was talking to Justin."

"And you want to know if I know what it means even though you just told me not to talk about this anymore and not to fill your head with any more doubts?" Joey asked, breaking into a huge grin.

"I guess I should have asked before I said that," I sighed. "He just, Justin said something about me taking care of him, and JC said that Justin always has someone to take care of him. What did he mean by that?"

Joey crossed his arms.

"Well, you and Justin have talked about his past, right?" Joey asked, chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip. "About other people he's dated?"

"Yeah, of course," I said, nodding. "I know that he was with Brit but that it wasn't serious, and then he was with JC."

"Yeah, but did he tell you about the timing?" Joey asked. "Because I think that's what JC meant. Justin hasn't ever been single, Chris. He started dating Britney, and as soon as he decided that wasn't working, he went straight to JC."

I didn't need Joey to connect the rest of the dots for me. As soon as Justin had broken up with JC, he went straight to me, pursuing me almost as soon as he met me, even when I wasn't sure and didn't think it was a good idea. And there was that thing Britney had said, too, when Justin's mother was yelling at him, that it was my job as the boyfriend to go in there and say certain things and do certain things. I had tried to explain to her that I wasn't just the boyfriend, that you couldn't plug me into the same spot that JC fit into, and I thought that was the end of it, but then there was the watch, too, the beautiful gift Justin had surprised me with. The one that JC said he had an identical personalized version of, also from Justin.

Joey caught something in my face as I added all of this up, and shook his head.

"Stop that," he said sharply. "He cares about you, and you care about him, and that's all you need to worry about."

"Yeah," I said, opening the kitchen door. "Of course."

I followed Joey back into the house, intending to go upstairs to help Justin finish packing, but Justin was down in the foyer already, with all of our suitcases. He grinned when he saw me and wrapped me up in a hug, spinning me across the foyer, giggling, as the bodyguard and Joey looked on, rolling their eyes.

"I packed everything already!" Justin gushed, spinning me around to point at the suitcases and bags, neatly lined up by the door. "I made the bed up in our room, and checked the bathroom and all the drawers and everything. I got all our stuff together."

"Wow," I said, trying to mirror his enthusiasm. "That was quick."

"I'm just so excited to be going home, you know?" he said. "I thought since I had everything packed up, you know, maybe we could go tonight, instead of waiting for the morning?"

"Sure," I said, smiling.

We spent several minutes saying goodbye to Kelly and Joey and Bri, with Kelly assuring us over and over that we needed to come back to visit, and that they'd be over after we'd had time to settle in. Justin had told me once that Kelly and Joey didn't do half so much couple stuff with him and JC, but I thought I understood why. Kelly liked me because I was normal, from outside the group, and in a way I was just like her. She had more in common with me than she did with JC, and I realized that I was a little sad to be leaving her, too. She and Joey had been such good friends to us, and I wouldn't have been able to get through this week, and help Justin get through it, without the two of them. We promised that we would call to take them out to a nice thank you dinner, and then we were out loading up the car, and just like that we were gone.

Justin chattered happily the whole way over to his and JC's house, promising to show me where everything was and to get me a key of my own in case I wanted to go anywhere. It was on the tip of my tongue to point out that I hadn't really spent a minute alone and able to go anywhere since the plane had landed, but figured there was no point in it. Once things started to slow down, and Justin wasn't holding onto me quite so tightly, I'd be able to run to the store and the mall and stuff, too. Just as soon as I figured out where all of those places were.

When we got to the house the bodyguard on duty was out front, but the house itself was dark. Justin led me through the house to the kitchen, explaining that he and JC left each other notes on a dry erase pad on the refrigerator.

"See?" he said, pointing. I read JC's quick little scribble, grudgingly admitting that, like everything else, his handwriting was perfect, too.

"Justin and Chris - Welcome home! I'm running a little late (got caught up in something I was working on; want to play it for you later and see what you think) so I'm at the grocery store. Will see you when I get back!"

"I guess we should go unpack, then," I said, shrugging. Justin led the way up the stairs after we moved all the bags in from the car, and I paused in the hallway. "Which room should we use?"

Justin thought about it for a second, and then shrugged.

"Well, since JC moved out of our bedroom, and all my stuff is already there, I guess it would be, you know, easier to just go in there," he said. Yeah, of course it would be. Never mind that we would be sleeping in the same bed that JC and Justin had slept in together for years. No problem at all there. Justin smiled as he plopped his suitcase down on the bed and flipped it open. "Besides, with all his stuff in his new room, that means all his drawers are empty, and his space in the closet. You can unpack your stuff and move right in!"

I'm sure the smile I flashed him at that idea, the thought of neatly fitting all of my stuff right where JC's had been even as I neatly fit myself the same way into Justin's life, was nowhere near as big as his toothy, face stretching grin, but he didn't notice, too excited at being home.

To be continued.