Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.
That said, we now continue.
"I don't know if Chris is going to go for this," Lance said, his eyes darting back and forth between Joey, Justin, Brianna, and I. We were standing in the driveway of Johnny Wright's house, early in the morning, but not too early. There were already a lot of people milling around, assistants and staff and others that I hadn't met, but no one had really given me a second glance, since I arrived with Justin a few minutes earlier. I was hoping to keep it that way, but Lance, who had come out of the house to meet Joey, seemed to have other ideas.
"Is he here yet?" Justin asked. I wanted to hold his hand, but didn't know how far we could trust any of the staff. Not only that, but there was a reporter here somewhere.
After all the worry and fear and complaining and everything else, the Cosmogirl interview had finally arrived. As planned, we had all arrived separately, to mask the idea that there might be problems in the group, although Justin and I had followed Joey and Brianna over. Kelly was working today, and rather than leave Bri with his mother Joey had decided to bring her, since Johnny hadn't seen her in a while. He didn't want her running around underfoot during the interview, though, and Justin had suggested over breakfast that I could come along and watch her. Joey shrugged, and seemed to think that would work out fine.
"She knows you, so she'll be comfortable with you," Joey said, nodding. "It should work fine."
"Perfect," Justin said, taking another spoonful of his corn pops. A droplet of milk fell onto his chin, and I reached over absently with a napkin to blot it off.
"Guys, this can't possibly be a good idea," I said. Bri, in her high chair, giggled and threw a spoon across the room. Joey, rolling his eyes, got up to toss it into the sink and get another one.
"Why not?" Justin asked, chewing thoughtfully. As promised yesterday, the two of us had gone to bed early, and made love well into the night. Justin had twisted and strained under me, visible only to my hands and touch and mouth in the darkness of our room, and this morning when the alarm went off we were wrapped around each other, all that warm, soft skin and firm muscle pressed against me, the short honey dark curls brushing my cheek.
I couldn't think of a better way to wake up.
"I thought I was, you know, supposed to be secret," I said. "Aren't people going to wonder what I'm doing there, who I am, that kind of stuff?"
"Probably not," Justin said, shrugging, as he looked to Joey for confirmation. Joey nodded as I looked at both of them in confusion.
"Chris, there are a lot of people at one of these things," he said, handing Bri the new spoon as he sat down. "I mean, we'll be at Johnny's house, so there's going to be a couple bodyguards around, plus the house staff. The reporter will be there, and a photographer, but since they're doing a shoot that means we'll also have some prep people, and maybe a wardrobe person or two. They said go casual, which means we can show up in our own stuff, but they'll probably want us to change a couple times, too."
"That doctor's supposed to be there, too," Justin said, still eating.
"Oh, yeah," Joey said, not elaborating. I felt very left out, suddenly. This was old hand to them, and there would be all these people that they knew and expected, people who I didn't know or know anything about.
"What doctor?" I asked, looking back and forth between them again. I vaguely remembered hearing something about this, but couldn't remember what. "Is something wrong?"
"No, no," Justin said, taking my hand for a second and giving it a light squeeze. "It's for insurance policies. We all got new ones after, you know, nine eleven. I have to pee in a cup for mine."
"We all did it last week, but somebody," Joey said, cheerfully ruffling Justin's hair as he stood, "was out of town."
"Knock it off!" Justin said, grinning, as he squirmed away from Joey. He turned back to me as Joey began clearing his and Bri's plates from the table. "Anyway, if anyone asks, you're just our friend Chris, along for the ride, helping watch Bri. We're always bringing extra people to stuff like this, anyway, so it's not like you'll stick out or anything. Besides, Johnny needs to meet you, anyway, and he'll have some stuff for you to sign."
I thought it was rather diplomatic of Justin to say Johnny needed to meet me, rather than that Johnny had to meet with me, which would be more accurate. Justin had explained who I was, and, more importantly, who I was to him. Since I would be hanging with the band, at least for the foreseeable future, there were some things I needed to sign, nondisclosure agreements and stuff like that. I'd figured something like that was coming, especially after Kelly had mentioned it yesterday, and Justin and Joey seemed to think it was par for the course. I shrugged and agreed, but I was a little apprehensive about meeting with Johnny.
"Am I signing these things, or is he going to give me a bunch of rules to follow, or what?" I asked, picking up Justin's empty cereal bowl along with my breakfast dish. I nodded at my coffeecup, catching his eyes. "Fill me up?"
"He'll probably have a couple rules," Joey said, taking the bowl from me to put it in the dishwasher after I rinsed it. "Nothing hardcore or anything. There's just, you know, some stuff that we can't bring you to, stuff like that. He also likes to get a feel for who's around, just to be aware."
"So he, like, tells you who you can hang out with?" I asked, my tone a little tiny bit sharp. I was trying not to judge, but didn't think that I would want to live like that. "That seems kind of restrictive."
"No, babe," Justin said, rubbing my shoulder with his hand as he reached around to hand me my coffee. "It's not like that. We don't have to bring everybody around, and Johnny trusts us to be friends with whoever we want to. It's just, you know, he's our manager, but he's our friend, and he likes to meet our other friends. And the forms are, well, stuff that I asked for."
Funny, he hadn't mentioned that before. I tried to smother my immediate feeling of distrust, and Justin hugged me from behind, knowing what I was thinking.
"Don't say anything," he whispered, his mouth close to my ear and his lips scraping my cheek. "I know, but don't feel that way, please. All of our friends don't have to sign those forms. Most of them don't actually, but all of our friends don't go everywhere we go, and do everything we do. Later on, I'm going to want you to come backstage with me, or go to rehearsals or make trips to the studio or stuff like that, and nobody gets into those kinds of places without a signed form. I love you, and I trust you, but rules are rules."
"That's fine, Justin," I said, rubbing his arm where it crossed my chest. "I understand."
Joey cleared his throat from the other end of the kitchen, not really looking at us, but smirking.
"You trust him, he trusts you, you both love each other. On that happy note, can we go get cleaned up?" Joey asked. "I want to get Bri out of her pajamas, and we should get going soon."
Justin took my hand, smiling, and started to pull me out of the kitchen.
"Hold it!" Joey said, and we both looked back. He was smiling, Bri propped on his hip with her arms around his neck. "'Soon' means within the hour. 'Soon' does not mean after a hot round of man sex. I know you guys already hopped through the shower, and I don't really want to know what went on in there."
"Nothing!" I said, holding up my hands.
"Yeah, we were already done by then," Justin snickered, nuzzling my neck with his face.
"Hey, hey!" Joey said, pointing. "You're getting off track! What I'm trying to say is that we have to get going, so now that you just got done reaffirming your trust and your relationship, we don't have time for you two to go celebrate or demonstrate it, ok?"
Justin and I looked guiltily at each other, flushing, but nodded.
"OK, Dad, no sex before the interview," I said. Joey rolled his eyes.
"Don't 'Dad' me," he said. "I'm not the geriatric here. Now move, both of you. Maybe Justin can help polish your walker."
"I'll help polish something for him," Justin said, smacking my ass while we both giggled.
"Go!" Joey yelled.
So we went. There was a little horseplay, a lot of kissing, but no sex, and then we were on the road. We followed Joey, and arrived at Johnny's compound just behind him. Justin looked over the cars parked by the garage, pointing out JC and Lance's. I noticed that he didn't mention Chris, but figured his car might be in the garage. Lance, dressed like Joey and Justin in jeans and a t-shirt, confirmed that Chris hadn't arrived yet as he picked up Bri.
"Hey, baby!" he said, hugging her. He spun her in a circle, her legs flying out, as she giggled, and then turned to Justin. "No, he's not here yet, but he's not going to be happy to see you brought him."
"Chris," Justin said pointedly. Lance smiled at me.
"Me," I said, shrugging.
"Hi," Lance said. "Sorry, I, um, that was a little rude. Good morning, welcome to Johnny's compound."
"Thanks," I said. The skies overhead, kind of cloudy, made a rumbling noise, and we all glanced up.
"Maybe we should get Bri inside," Joey said. He followed Lance and Bri toward the house, and I noticed that, like Joey had said, there were a lot of other people milling around. Joey handed his car keys to one of them, and she looked expectantly at us.
"Just a sec," Justin said, walking around to the trunk. He popped it open and pulled out a large bag of golf clubs, swinging the strap up over his shoulder. I stared in confusion. "Johnny wanted to see my new clubs."
"And you just always have them riding around in the car?" I asked, surprised.
"You never know when you might have time for a game," he answered, smiling, as we began to walk up the driveway. He handed his keys to the girl who had taken Joey's, and I assumed that she would be lining up the cars. I touched Justin's arm, quickly, just tapping the top of it to get his attention. No one was near us, and no one was even looking at us, so I thought it would be safe.
"You going to be ok with JC here?" I asked. "And Chris?"
Justin smiled, but it was rueful, dripping with irony.
"You'll be surprised how ok everything looks," Justin said, shaking his head. "This is all stage show from here on, Chris. There's a reporter here, so everything's going to be fine. Watch and learn."
I wouldn't have believed it, but against all possible odds Justin seemed to be right after all. When we walked through the house, which was enormous, like all the others, and to the private lake out back, the guys acted perfectly natural with each other. I was introduced to Johnny, a large, smiling man, who seemed to be watching with as much interest as I was when Justin and JC walked by each other, smiling, shaking hands, and nodding hello. Their eyes seemed to linger on each other, Justin taking in JC's wavy hair and the way his tight little t-shirt, barely coming down over the tops of his arms, seemed to cling to him. JC was wearing a large silver watch that looked nothing like mine, for which I was thankful, but I noticed that Chris's eyes had narrowed and zeroed right in on my wrist when he walked in wearing a sleeveless vest type thing with a huge eagle on the back.
"Chris," he said coolly, his eyes darting around to see where the reporter was. I saw her off toward the bowling alley, talking to Joey as he explained that he didn't want Bri photographed. The photographer was wandering around taking random shots and trying to herd the guys toward the pool table, where the reporter apparently wanted to actually conduct the interview.
"Chris," I answered quietly. Well, we knew each other's names. I'd be perfectly happy if that was the only discussion we had all day.
"I didn't think Justin would be dragging you around with him," Chris said, not really looking at me, but smiling in case other people were looking. "Trotting around like a good little lapdog?"
"I came to help Joey keep an eye on Bri while you guys are talking and changing and stuff," I said, smiling as well. If everyone else could fake it, so could I. "I don't want to cause any trouble, ok?"
"Then you should go back to Boston," Chris said. He knew I couldn't do or say anything to attract attention to myself, like smacking him or yelling at him, because it would jeopardize Justin. "I love your new collar, lapdog."
"It was a gift," I said, feeling an unconscious desire to cover it. Chris started to walk away toward the pool table, his voice barely audible over the music piped in all over the compound.
"I bet," he said, not looking back. "Tricks always pay their whores."
I was about to say something anyway, to let my emotions get the better of me, when Justin appeared from nowhere and pulled me into the house. Behind us I heard Chris loudly yell, "Justin ran off again!" Damn him, he knew someone would come looking for us. Justin knew it as well, though, and pulled me around a corner, away from the windows to the backyard. He grabbed my jaw, tilting my head up as my eyes stung with frustration and pain.
"I didn't hear what he said, but it doesn't matter," Justin said quickly. "I love you. I want you here, and he'll have to get used to it."
"I shouldn't have come," I said, shaking my head.
"Yes, you should," he disagreed. "I love you, and I need you. I have to go back out right now and act like it doesn't hurt to stand next to Chris knowing he just did something to you. I have to go stand by that pool table and be best friends with JC, knowing that he doesn't want me anywhere near him and that as badly as I want to be his friend again he'd rather not see me at all, and I can't do any of that without you. I love you, and I need you here with me. Please?"
"OK," I said, nodding. He kissed me on the forehead, and then pointed down the hall. "Go out that way so it doesn't look like we were in here together. I love you, and this will all be over in a couple of hours."
And then he was gone, and I had to pretend that it didn't hurt to be shuffled out a side door like a dirty secret. I knew that wasn't the way that Justin wanted me to feel, and I knew it was necessary, but it was still the way I felt, and I had to face that. As long as I stayed with Justin, I was going to be a dirty secret. I was always going to be a threat, like his mother said. I wasn't going to hurt him, but someone else, a reporter or a rival or someone else who wanted to further themselves by bringing Justin down, would be able to use me for it. If I stayed with Justin, if we were going to be a couple and be together, then I was going to have to get used to the side door. Chris phrased it as me being Justin's lapdog, and he was partially right. I was always going to be in Justin's shadow, and he wouldn't have to deal with that if he was with JC.
That's where he was when I walked by around to the deck. Chris was taking a shot, Lance was leaning over the table, and JC had his arm around Justin. They were both laughing at something as they looked down at the table, some joke I couldn't hear, but JC's hips were slung to the side, against Justin's. Justin's arms were crossed, but he was leaning in. The two of them were smiling, they looked happy, and they looked completely comfortable with each other. The photographer was snapping away, preserving this nice, casual image of all of the good, close friends of Nsync together, hanging out and enjoying themselves. This was how it would look if Justin wasn't with me. If he wasn't with me, he could go back to JC, and Chris would stop bothering him so much. Lance would continue to give them his tacit acceptance, and Joey wouldn't be caught in the middle. If I wasn't with him, this could all be true, instead of just a stage show.
I shook my head, realizing that I was wrong. Real life was nothing like what I was looking at, which was why Justin called it the stage show. They looked happy, but if they actually had been, Justin wouldn't have been running away. He might call it something else, needing to find himself, or needing to be who he was, and that was true, because those were things that Justin needed, but what it really boiled down to was that Justin had been running away. If JC loved him the way Justin needed him to, JC wouldn't have cheated on him. If Chris was really Justin's friend, he would worry about him and care about him no matter who he was dating. He might not like whoever Justin picked, but he wouldn't take it out on him. Joey and Lance would probably be exactly the same, or maybe Joey would be and Lance would be a little warmer toward Justin since he was comfortable with JC and not so much with me. Either way, it was the differences between what was really going on, what it looked like, and what could be that sent Justin running away.
Whether I was what Justin was actually running toward was an entirely different matter, and still up for debate. For the moment, though, it was a moot point. I was here, and if you wanted to focus on right now, I was with Justin and that was what was important, not some nebulous collection of maybes and possibilities. I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost jumped when Joey tapped me on the shoulder. I should have realized that he wasn't standing at the table with the others, but I'd been too busy feeling sorry for myself and then convincing myself that I was being stupid. My life had definitely been a lot less complicated before I met Justin.
"Hey, you ok?" Joey asked, Bri on her knees busily untying his shoes. He played with her ponytails while he watched me.
"Yeah, why?" I asked. Had I done something wrong? "Did I?"
"No, no," Joey said quickly. "No, you're fine. I was just, they want us to go start changing now, and I was wondering if you could take Bri. I left her bag over by the jet skis. Her toys and stuff are in there, and I put some snacks in, too, if she wants one."
"Sure, no problem," I said, smiling. "It's allegedly why I'm here."
Joey paused, staring down at me for a minute.
"You sure you're ok?" Joey asked. "For a minute there you just looked, I don't know."
"Just thinking," I said, shrugging. "Five more seconds and someone's probably going to notice you talking to me."
"I think we'll be ok," Joey said, smiling. "Should only be another couple of hours."
"What are they making you change into?" I asked, curious. The photographer was leading the others over to a rack, and I assumed that the guys' sizes had been provided in advance.
"Khakis and army type colors and dog tags," Joey said, rolling his eyes. The photographer started looking around and, spotting Joey, waved for him to come over. Joey rolled his eyes and transferred Bri to my shoes as he bent down to kiss her on the head. "Be good, honey. Chris, if you're thirsty, there's like three cases of bottled water in that fridge over there. Grab whatever you want."
"Thanks, Joey," I said, watching Justin take one and carry it into the house with him. He had a load of clothing slung over his arm. At the rack the hangers were all labeled, either for convenience or because they thought the guys were so stupid they wouldn't know their own sizes.
I led Bri over to get her bag, and then we kind of camped out off to the side on part of the grass, which was a little damp after the brief drizzle, but not too bad. She was greatly amused by a naked Barbie doll, and seemed perfectly content to sit and babble at it, pausing while it answered in a voice that I couldn't see, and I figured as long as she was happy, I wouldn't bother her with any of the other toys. I kept the bag ready, though, and waited for her to need something else while I watched what was going on across the backyard with great amusement. The guys were all changed, and were taking turns getting fluffed and sprayed and everything else. For the life of me, they didn't look much different when they were done, but there were people making sure there was no shine on their noses and that Lance's spikes weren't drooping and that Justin's curls were just so. They hung accessories on some of them, dog tags and necklaces, and made Justin and JC take their watches off because they didn't fit in with the atmosphere.
The photographer followed them, taking casual pictures of the guys as they waited for the makeup people to finish fluffing Joey's hair out and teasing his beard, and they he tried to drag them all over to a large tan backdrop he'd set up. They kept yelling at JC to put his water down, and then he kept having to go pee in between shots. Chris was having some kind of short attention span moment, and they kept having to tell him to stop twitching. The reporter, a nice girl, was still writing things down, and trying to ask them questions, but the guys were losing interest already, and kept changing places as the photographer tried to do the group shot. He was rotating each of them out of the center spot, which was a chair, and rearranging them standing around it, and I wondered if he would go through all of the possible permutations or if the guys were just trying to make him give up. There was a short wooden step behind the chair, so that the guy in the back center position would be a little taller, and the photographer yelled at Joey three times to stop holding out his hands and pretending he could fly.
After Johnny walked over and told them to get it together it was like he'd flipped a switch, and they suddenly became super professional. I figured that they'd done enough shoots at this point that they could do it in the dark, but it was still amusing to see them suddenly go from playful and relaxed to serious. You could still see the suppressed mirth, though, in their poses. They stood where the photographer told them to, and calmly gave the reporter answers to inane questions that they must have been asked a thousand times before about who had a girlfriend and who didn't, and whatever else Cosmogirl's readers were just dying to know. They'd answered some pretty serious questions before, about things like their spirituality and maybe getting drafted and everything else, but I guess the reporter, realizing that things were winding down, was moving on to the lighter questions.
She followed them around as the photographer broke them up into individuals, wanting single pictures of each of them in various settings. Each of the guys sat on the chair alone, and then he had other places in the yard where he wanted them. Justin studiously avoided me, although I caught him smiling at me a few times when he was sure no one was looking. Chris sat on a motorbike, some kind of Suzuki that Johnny had parked near the cars, and babbled to the photographer about his golf game. Lance had to sit on one of Johnny's boats and talked about doing good things, and I mused that he really did believe in things like Christian charity and helping others. Out of all of them it seemed that Lance was the most genuine person, the most honest, and I wished there was a way for me to be better friends with him.
Justin changed into a third outfit, a long sleeved shirt that he pulled on over the OD green beater they'd had him wearing before, and was tapping balls around the patio with his clubs as the reporter asked him questions about Britney. Apparently Justin was involved in planning her twentieth birthday party, and the reporter wanted to hear all about it. I was sitting on the ground, my legs folded under me, watching Bri build some sort of combination house and furniture for the naked Barbie out of a bunch of blocks that had been in the bag when JC walked over, blocking the sun. I squinted up at him as he sipped another bottle of water in the plain white t-shirt they'd given him, and noticed the way the sun caught the edges of his hair and turned it from brown to gold. The same thing happened to Justin's, although JC's was a darker, amber color, and seemed kind of warm.
"Hi," he said, sipping. He squatted. "Hey, Bri."
Brianna smiled at him, but didn't really look away from what she was doing. I guess she wasn't too interested in her Uncle JC at the moment. Instead she shuffled over to me, dragging her good outfit through the grass and probably staining it, and tugged at my sleeve. I looked down at her, raising my eyebrows, and she pointed at the bag. I started pulling things out, one toy after another, as she shook her head. I didn't know why we were playing silent all of a sudden, since she actually could talk, but she just kept shaking her head as I kept pulling things out. I finally pulled out some squishy children's granola bar, and she squealed and clapped her hands. She held them out as I undid the wrapper, but I remembered what Kelly had said.
"What do you say?" I asked, holding it just out of reach.
"Please," she said, holding out her hands. I put the granola bar in it, and she shuffled away. I debated making her say thank you, but didn't want to push it. After all, she wasn't my kid.
"You're good with her," JC said thoughtfully, sipping his water.
"Thanks," I said, not sure what else he and I had to talk about. For once I at least didn't feel tongue tied, as I had every single other time I'd talked to him. As the exboyfriend, I think he was losing his power to intimidate me, although it wasn't complete. I still felt unsettled, and still felt like I was measured against him, but I was also feeling a little more comfortable being around him after watching him for the whole day.
"Having fun hanging around?" he asked. "It can't be really exciting for you."
"It's not, but it has to be worse for you guys," I answered honestly. "I mean, at least this is my first interview photoshoot. You must have done this a hundred times."
"Oh, we have," JC said, sipping again. "I think it's good that you're here, though. Justin seems to really appreciate it. He's relaxed, and I guess, you know, that's because of you."
He didn't sound bitter when he said it, but his voice and his expressions were completely impossible for me to read any of the times that I'd spoken to him, and they still were now.
"It's because of you, too, though," I said. Justin was still smiling and talking to the reporter. "He wouldn't be able to relax like that if you weren't being so, I don't know, so friendly. You guys really do look like nothing's wrong, and I think you're feeding off of each other with it. You're acting normal, and Justin's acting normal, and everything almost is."
"Except that it's not," JC said, looking down. I could read that. He was sad, as sad as Justin was when he talked about missing JC.
"You miss him, don't you?" I asked, watching him. I wasn't saying it in an I have him now and you don't kind of way. My voice was neutral, concerned, and I think JC picked up on that.
"Yeah, I do," JC said, still squatting. I guess he didn't want to sit and get grass on the wardrobe pants. I didn't know if they got to keep them or not, so it made sense that he might be a little careful with them. "But that's the way things are now."
"They don't have to be," I said, and he finally looked at me. Up until now, we'd both kind of been watching Justin, but now he was looking at me, seeing me, and I found myself staring into his blue green eyes, noting the many different flecks of color and the depth of feeling in them. I was afraid I'd hurt him. "He misses you, JC. I know you guys aren't together anymore, but he misses you as a friend, and you just told me you miss him, too."
"It's my own fault," JC said sadly. "Like I said, it's just the way things are now."
"Yeah, but like I said, it's not the way they have to be," I said. "Think about the way you guys have been today, how you've gotten along. I don't know about you, but I can see that it's been good for Justin. Maybe you guys aren't together anymore, but wouldn't it be nice if you could still be friends? It would mean so much to him, and I think it would to you, too."
"Maybe," JC said, standing. "I have to go talk about buying a boat now, or something."
I watched him walk a few steps away, glancing away to make sure that Bri wasn't choking on her granola bar, and watched Justin glancing at him. JC stared back, and then looked down at the ground.
"Think about it," I said.
He walked away without saying anything.
To be continued.