Obligatory warnings and disclaimers:
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If reading this is in any way illegal where you are or at your age, or you don't want to read about male/male relationships, go away. You shouldn't be here.
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I don't know any of the celebrities in this story, and this story in no way is meant to imply anything about their sexualities, personalities, or anything else. This is a work of pure fiction.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "writerboy69@hotmail.com". I enjoy constructive criticism, praise, and rational discussion. I do not enjoy flames, and will not tolerate them.
That said, we now continue.
While I was satisfied with Joey's offer, and more than willing to follow him home from Chris's house, Justin wasn't as certain it was a good idea. He looked at Joey for a second through narrowed eyes, his hand on my shoulder as we stood on the patio, and cocked his head to the side, thinking.
"Joey, could you give us just a second?" he asked, and I could tell his voice was controlled. He didn't sound unfriendly, but he was wary, and if I could hear it, so could Joey, but he just nodded, his face still cheery, shiny white teeth peeking out from the middle of his beard.
"Sure," Joey said, nodding. "I'll wait in the house, ok? Right there in the kitchen?"
"That's fine," Justin said dismissively, turning back to me. He didn't throw Joey a second glance, but Joey didn't seem to expect one, turning away to walk inside.
I studied Justin's face, trying to gauge his mood through the slant of his eyebrows or the line of his mouth. The sun was bright out here, turning his hair from the usual dark amber to bright gold on the ends, and his tanned skin seemed almost reflective. His chin turned to a web of little frowny lines when he was thinking and upset, and I saw that now. He was staring at me as intently as I was him, though, and he reached up to run his fingertips down my cheek, surprising me.
"Are you ok?" he asked, holding my hands as he stared at me.
"Me?" I asked, surprised. "You're the one who spent the whole afternoon with them. Are you ok?"
"I'm fine," he answered, shrugging. I must have thrown him a look, because he smiled a little. "OK, I'm not fine, but I'm not bad, either. There wasn't anything I'm not used to, but that doesn't make it any easier to hear. It's nicer to have you here, though."
"Why?" I asked, confused. "What did I do?"
"When I got upset, I thought about you," Justin answered, and I felt that wooshing sinking feeling again. The depth of Justin's feelings caught me off guard sometimes, especially when they were combined with his eyes, those bright blue pools of need and love and so many other things. "It helped me get through knowing I would see you when I was done."
"Oh," was all I could think of to say. I blushed, feeling the red flush spreading over my cheeks, and Justin chuckled, leaning forward to kiss me.
"So, are you ok?" he asked, tilting my head up by the chin with one crooked finger. I found myself falling into his eyes, getting lost. "I tried to tell you on the phone what they would be like. I'm sorry Chris keeps being a dick, and we definitely took Lance by surprise."
"Yeah, but Joey seems nice," I said, and Justin narrowed his eyes again. I noticed that neither one of us had mentioned JC, but maybe that needed to wait until we actually had time to talk it out behind a closed door, rather than in a hostile backyard. "Do you want to go stay with him?"
"I don't know," Justin answered. "I wanted to ask you about it."
"I don't think it's a bad thing," I said, leading him over to a lounge chair. We sat down on it, side by side. I glanced up and saw Chris frowning through the glass, but decided to ignore him. "He's been really polite to me so far, and almost even friendly. How's he been with you?"
I didn't want Justin to think I'd been eavesdropping earlier, although I wasn't sure why. Justin chewed his bottom lip thoughtfully, cracking his knuckles in that absent way of his.
"He's been really nice, but he usually is," Justin said, looking at his feet. "I guess when I, um, when I said everybody here was mean to me, I didn't mean everybody. Joey usually is ok, although he's in it for himself just as much as the rest of them."
"So you don't want to stay with him?" I asked. I wanted it to be Justin's decision, since these were his friends and this was his world. "Do you want to go to a hotel, or someone else's house?"
"I don't know," Justin answered. "I mean, maybe he's being nice. Maybe he really does want us to be comfortable. Or maybe he's offering so that he can keep an eye on me. Maybe it's so he can watch us and report back to the rest of them."
There it was again, Justin's paranoia. He thought all of them were against him, that Chris's bodyguard was going to kidnap him from the bookstore, and now that Joey wanted us to stay with him so that he could spy on us. Was it really that bad, or was Justin incapable of seeing the situation clearly? I had only the vaguest idea of the kind of pressures inherent in his lifestyle. Maybe this was his way of reacting to the stress, amplifying every little disagreement into a grand and careful plot. It was far from mentally healthy, but at the same time didn't seem especially unhealthy, either. The guys were less than kind to him, which I'd seen myself, but I found it hard to believe that they were all calculating spies, like scheming soap opera vixens.
"Look at the other side, though," I said carefully. Justin watched me, waiting. "If we go to a hotel, we'll probably have to get separate rooms. We could also have another one of those scenes like in Boston if the press finds you, and if they do get you they'll want to know why you're in a hotel in the city you live in. Joey, at least, doesn't seem to flat out disapprove of us, so we could be ourselves, and hold hands, and kiss, and everything else if we were there, without worrying about being behind a closed door or who might see us."
Justin thought about this for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip again. He had his head cocked to the side in that cute little Justin puppydog way of his, and we both looked up toward the house. Joey was standing in the kitchen door, on the inside, watching us carefully. I wondered how long he would be willing to wait. It was hard to read his expression with that beard, which covered up the lines around his mouth and made it a little hard to see exactly what his lips were doing, but his eyes, as I'd noticed before, looked friendly. I think Justin saw it, too, because he turned back to me and pulled me against him, leaning his forehead on mine. I stared into his eyes, feeling his breath on me.
"Are you sure you're ok with it?" he asked. I tried to read his face, to see what would make him happy, but I still couldn't read it. He was holding something else in, but now wasn't the time to push.
"I'm ok with whatever you want, Justin," I answered, holding his hands. "Do you want to stay with Joey?"
"For now," he answered. "But if anything happens."
"If anything happens we'll leave," I said. "I'm more or less your hostage, you know? I don't know anyone here, I don't know where anyone is, and I can't even get past the guards to see you without your say so. If you want to go somewhere else, I have to follow."
I didn't mean it in a bad way, and smiled when I said it, but Justin frowned, pulling away a little. I was about to apologize, but he tugged me toward the house by the hands.
"Let's go get Joey and get out of here," Justin said, swallowing. He threw me back a quick smile. "He's got a pool, and Kelly is really nice."
"Kelly?" I asked, curious. I knew all of the guys' names, but hadn't been able to keep track of all the girlfriends I'd seen alongside them in my crash course on the band. I really should have searched the internet.
"Kelly is Joey's girlfriend," Justin said quickly, slowing down a little. "They live together, and they have a little girl named Brianna. Lance is her godfather."
"One of you has a kid?" I blurted. "How the hell did that happen?"
Justin grinned at me, trying to hold in his laughter.
"See, Chris, sometimes when a man loves a woman, instead of another man," he began seriously, and I wanted to kick him.
"Never mind," I said, shaking my head. I pulled open the door, noticing that Joey had moved back to the other side of the kitchen. I smiled at him, my eyes checking around, but none of the others were in sight. "Hi."
"Hi," he said, smiling as Justin walked in beside me, still snickering a little. "Everything cool?"
"Yeah," Justin answered, slinging an arm around my waist to pull me against his side. I wondered if it was a test, but Joey didn't flinch. "Where is everybody?"
"Lance and JC went back to their houses," Joey said, shrugging. "They said they'd see you at the shoot. Chris is in the living room, pissed off."
"I am not pissed off!" Chris yelled. Joey rolled his eyes and jerked his head toward the door.
"We'd, um, we'd really like to take you up on your offer," Justin said, wincing at Chris's voice. I hugged him a little tighter, and he looked at me and let a little smile creep back in. "If you're sure Kelly won't mind, Chris and I would love to stay with you."
"I can't believe you're doing this!" Chris said loudly, and I could hear his feet stomping down the hall. "I can't believe you're taking his side!"
"We should go," I said quickly. I didn't want Justin to get upset again, especially not with something else bothering him. It had been a long day, and I just wanted to get him somewhere safe. Joey caught my urgency and nodded, but Chris burst in the other door of the kitchen before we'd taken two steps. I put myself in front of Justin, rapidly losing patience with Chris, but Joey stepped in between us, holding up a set of keys over his shoulder. I thudded against his back, but he was solid, and didn't move. "What the fuck is your problem, Chris?"
Chris ignored me, again, as if by not answering me I would stop existing. Instead he glared at Justin and Joey.
"I can't believe you're doing this to JC!" Chris snapped. "And I can't believe you're gonna help him!"
"Justin, my car's in the driveway," Joey said, jingling the keys without turning around. "Why don't you guys go load up your suitcases while I say goodbye to Chris?"
"OK," Justin said, turning away. He looked like he wanted to cry, and I decided to let Joey handle Chris as I pulled the keys out of his hand. Justin walked limply along beside me as I led him back toward the front door, where we'd left our bags. Behind us, I heard Chris's raised voice and Joey's quieter one.
"I can't believe you're doing this!" Chris ranted. "I thought JC was your friend!"
"Will you shut up?" Joey said crossly. "Please, just shut up and think for a minute."
"Don't you," Chris began.
"Shut up!" Joey almost yelled.
Justin picked up his bags and opened the front door. Looking back at me, I noticed his face was pinched. He looked defeated again, turning inward, and I wanted to help him so much, to take whatever was inside him and heal it. At the same time, I wanted to hear what Joey would say next. Was he telling Chris to shut up because he was going to lecture him, because he was tired of listening to him, or because he knew we were still in the house and he didn't want to talk while we were here? Damn it, now Justin had me thinking that way, too. I felt like I was trapped in a bad X-Files episode, being warned to trust no one.
"Come on," Justin said, nodding toward my things. I gathered up my suitcase and carryon bag and followed him down the driveway to Joey's minivan. As he popped open the back, lifting the hatch, I smothered a giggle. Shouldn't we be loading our bags into a Porsche or a Mercedes or a Beamer or something? This thing made it look like we were going to go pick up the kids at a soccer game when we left here. All it needed was a "My Child is on the Honor Roll" bumper sticker on the back. As I thought about it, though, throwing my bags in next to Justin's, I remembered the child Justin had spoken of, which I hadn't seen anything about anywhere. I turned to ask him about it and saw again how shattered he seemed, how tired and drained, and I reached out for him.
Justin surprised me by stepping away, his eyes watering as he shook his head quickly.
"Don't," he choked, walking quickly past me. He jerked open the front door, sliding into the shotgun seat and slamming the door closed as I stood at the back of the van and tried to figure out what I'd done. I closed the hatch and climbed into the van, wondering what I'd done. Justin had his face in his hands, and I wondered if he was crying.
"Justin?" I asked quietly. "Did I?"
"People could see," he said, his voice cracking. "In the driveway. Neighbors. People could see. I know what you were doing, what you wanted to do, and I, I just have to always think about what people will see, or what they'll think. I always have to think about it, no matter what I want to do, and I hate it sometimes."
Of course. How stupid of me. He wasn't rejecting me. He was thinking about his image, and his career, and all the other things I was supposed to be conscious of, too, when I agreed to be with him.
"Justin," I said, reaching forward to take his shoulder.
"I hate it!" he yelled, slamming his fists down on the dashboard. "I hate it! I hate it!"
"Justin, please," I said, feeling my own eyes water a little. He was in so much pain, and I reached around the seat as best I could, holding his shoulders with both hands. He reached up to squeeze one of my hands, laying his cheek against it, and I used the other to gently stroke his head, brushing my fingers through his hair.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry."
"I know, baby," I said, soothing him, keeping my voice soft, rubbing his head over and over. "I know. It'll be ok. It's been a long day, but it's almost over, and we'll get you some rest. It'll be ok."
"It was so hard today, Chris," he said, his voice almost a whisper. "I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want to hurt you, but it was hard today, seeing him. Sitting across from him, looking at him, at the way he looks, hearing his voice in person. He left me all those messages, but it sounds different when he's right there. I didn't realize it until I saw him, but I, I guess, I miss him. I miss JC."
My throat closed. I couldn't say anything, couldn't choke out a word or even take a breath. My world narrowed suddenly, as if the walls were caving in. Justin turned, and I saw his eyes go wide as he looked at me. He leaned forward between the front seats, holding my hands tightly.
"I don't mean it like that," he said quickly. I stared into his eyes, seeing the fear there, the sharp pain of thinking I might leave him, too, of thinking that I might not care. "Oh, God, Chris, I didn't mean it that way. I love you. I don't miss him like that. I just, I miss being JC's friend. I miss being his best friend, and I didn't realize that until I saw him again."
"Maybe," I began, swallowing, making my voice stronger. "Maybe this is your chance to patch things up with him. Maybe the two of you, if you aren't dating, can get back to whatever it was that made you friends in the first place."
"I don't know if we can right now," Justin said, shaking his head. He looked down. "It's hard for me to be around him, and you heard him. It hurts him right now, too."
What else I'd heard, JC talking to some mystery person on the phone, someone who was obviously pretty close to him, sprang into my mind, and I meant to tell Justin, but suddenly Joey was opening the driver's side door. He had a slight smile on his face, as if to greet us, but it flickered when he saw the two of us holding hands, both of us clearly a little upset.
"Everything ok?" he asked, repeating himself from earlier, pausing half in and half out of the door.
"We were just talking," Justin said softly, kissing the back of my hand.
"It's been a long day," I added, my eyes catching Justin's again. We were ok, for now, but that seemed to be the best we could ever do.
"No shit," Joey said, starting the van. "And I'm tired of talking. Let's get the hell out of here."
Justin was quiet on the way to Joey's house, which took a little over an hour. Joey glanced at him several times, trying not to be obvious, but from my seat in the back I could watch the two of them. Justin looked out the window most of the way, giving short answers when Joey made attempts at small talk. He was still holding my hand, his arm stretched backward between the seats in a way that had to be uncomfortable, but when I tried to let go he squeezed tightly, turning to look at me. His face still had that pinched look, and he was chewing on his bottom lip, deep in thought. I didn't want to bother him, figuring that he was still thinking about last night and this morning as well as everything else that had happened today.
Joey's attempts at small talk with me fared a little better, although he was kind of confused at first on how, exactly, I was related to April.
"She's my sister in law," I explained. Justin rubbed my palm with his thumb, letting me know he was there if I needed him.
"Wait, I thought you said you were an only child?" Joey said, and then I saw his eyes widen in the rearview mirror. "You're married?"
"No, not exactly," I said. "I was, um, April's brother was my partner. He was taken away from me."
I looked away, not wanting to talk about this in front of Justin. Actually, I didn't really want to talk about it with these guys at all. Matt was personal, and these guys hadn't really given me any reason to trust them. Justin squeezed my hand again, and looked back at me, his mouth tight. I gave him a little half smile to show him I was ok, rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand and the few gossamer blond hairs there, and then decided to change the subject.
"You know, speaking of family," I said, my bad attempt at a segue rather obvious, "I was kind of surprised when Justin told me you have a little girl. I don't really know a lot about you guys, and I don't think I saw that anywhere."
"We try to keep Bri out of the papers," Joey said. "Kelly, her mom, and I want her to have a normal childhood, not to have fans and cameras and everything following her around. I don't take her with me anywhere, and really Kelly doesn't come much, either, because she's worried that people will recognize her and then put it all together."
"It probably would be kind of hard growing up like that," I said, nodding. "Justin told me you guys usually don't even go out anywhere without bodyguards and stuff."
"Yeah," Joey said, nodding. "It can be really hard, and we just don't want her exposed to all that, at least not until she's old enough to understand it."
"And by the time she is, you think you guys will still be popular?" I asked, grinning. I couldn't resist the crack, and Justin turned around with a huge smile on his face, his eyes sparkling.
"Shut up," he said, laughing. "Asshole."
"Yeah, shut up," Joey added, and Justin frowned mirthfully at him.
"You shut up, too," Justin said, still smiling. "He's mine to yell at, not yours."
"Duly noted," Joey said, his eyes dancing as he held in laughter. "Shutting up now."
Joey's house was low and sprawling, without a second floor. The whole thing looked very southern, with covered patios and lots of windows, but very modern at the same time. Joey told us to leave the bags in the car and pulled open the front door as Justin and I followed behind. Justin looked comfortable, but I was a little uncertain, not knowing who would be here or how we were supposed to behave in front of them. The inside of the house was very bright, thanks to all the windows, and there were a few toys scattered across the foyer.
"Hello?" Joey called, grinning. We heard a fast patter, and then a little blond blur came flying around the corner. She launched herself at Joey's legs and he scooped her up into the air, spinning her around as she squealed with delight. I cringed against Justin, terrified that Joey would drop her, but this was apparently normal.
"Daddeeeeeeeeeeee!" she squealed, until she was cut off by a firm, but friendly, yell from the other end of the house.
"Joseph, that better not be what it sounds like."
"It's not," Joey called, holding Brianna against his chest and making a "Shhhhh" gesture at her with his finger. She giggled again, a happy looking little kid with adorably cute little pigtails. Joey pointed at us. "Who's that?"
"Justin!" she squealed, clapping, and Justin grinned at her.
"And who's that?" Joey asked, pointing at me. She buried her face in Joey's shoulder, and he chuckled. "That's Chris. Can you say hi to Chris?"
"Nuh uh," she said, muffled. "Not Chris."
"Yes, Chris," Joey said, but she was having none of it. "Come on, Bri."
"No!" she said, not looking at me. Justin stepped up on the other side of them, and tapped her shoulder.
"Bro, it's ok," he said soothingly. I'd never seen him with kids before, but he was a natural. "That's other Chris. He's not our Chris. He's a new Chris. He's ok. He's not a stranger. Can you say hi to Chris? Please? For your Uncle Justin?"
"Hi," she said, flashing me a blue eye before she hid her face against Joey again. I'd forgotten how shy little kids could be.
"Good girl," Joey said, kissing her forehead. She giggled along with him, and then we all looked up as a blond woman walked in, smiling at us. She stopped, surprised, when she saw me, and it didn't look like she was expecting Justin, either.
"Hi," she said uncertainly, holding out her hand. I shook it as she looked at Joey and Justin expectantly.
"Kelly, this is Chris," Joey said. Bri kicked to get down, and when Joey put her on the floor she ran over and wrapped an arm around Kelly's legs, almost tripping her. We both looked down and laughed at her. "Justin and Chris are going to stay here for a little while, ok?"
"Sure," Kelly said, shrugging. She was smiling, but you could tell she still had questions. "We have plenty of room."
"We'll only need one," Justin said, taking my hand. "Chris is my boyfriend."
Kelly's mouth dropped open, but she composed herself quickly.
"I guess I've missed a few things," she said, smiling at me. I could grow to like this woman. She seemed the most genuine, down to earth one out of all of them so far. Too bad she wasn't in the band. "It'll give us something to talk about over dinner. You like Sloppy Joe's?"
"Those sound great," I lied, following her down the hall. "Are you sure it won't be any trouble? We don't want to impose."
"No, I'll just throw out a couple extra plates," she said, shaking her head. "There's always someone else showing up around here. Steve, Lance, somebody. I make extra, just for them."
"I don't think Lance'll be coming around so much for a little while," Joey said from behind us. Kelly threw him an intrigued glance over her shoulder.
"I guess we really do have a lot to cover," she said. "Chris, come help me with the plates. Joey, you're on drinks. Justin, keep Bri out from underfoot so she doesn't get burned or something."
Dinner was a leisurely affair, although Sloppy Joe's were a remarkably messy menu for a small child. Nobody really seemed all that phased by it, though, and she didn't throw the food or any of the other behavior I expected from little kids. Kelly was a nice, normal girl, and made me feel a lot better, especially when she talked about the first time she met the rest of the band. It was nice to hear an outside perspective on this whole thing, even if I was coming in under a little more hostile circumstances than she had. She also explained that Chris had worried that her having Joey's baby would be the end of the band, and that made me her instant ally. No wonder Joey had been so willing to help us out.
After dinner we watched a little bit of television, Justin and I lounging together on a couch while Joey and Kelly did the same after they put Bri to bed, but Justin was nodding off the whole time. When he finally fell completely asleep against me, mumbling in his sleep, I decided enough was enough, and woke him up to go to bed. Joey and Kelly had set us up in one big guestroom without a second thought or side comment, which I appreciated. After we brushed our teeth and stripped down, me to boxers and Justin to his briefs, we climbed into bed, settling against each other, folding our arms and legs around each other. He was too tired for me to try anything, and it was nice enough just to lay there with him, holding him, feeling his strong arms around me as he held me alongside his body.
Whether it was from him shifting, or just being in a strange house, or delayed reaction from the day's events, I found myself awake in the middle of the night, my eyes snapping open in the darkness. Justin was murmuring into my neck, and I could feel the soft tickle of his lips against me as he talked in his sleep. So far he'd done it every single night, but I wasn't really ever able to tell what he was saying. His breath was hot against me, sending a little shiver right down my back, but I couldn't seem to get back to sleep, and decided to go get a drink before giving it a second try. Justin was playing his clinging barnacle game, which meant it took several minutes to free myself and actually get out of bed, but I finally managed to get away as he made urgent noises and tightened his face, one of his hands moving around on top of the mattress as he felt for me. I pulled on a t-shirt and pair of sweat pants, making sure he wasn't going to wake up, and then crept in darkness down to the kitchen, praying the whole way that there wasn't an internal alarm or motion sensors or something.
I was pouring myself some ice water, trying not to turn on any lights or make a lot of noise, when I heard someone walk in behind me. I spun, hand raised high (what was I going to do? Throw my water glass at them?), but it was just Joey, his hair rumpled as he stood in front of me in boxers and an undershirt.
"You ok?" he asked, not turning any lights on. We could see pretty well from the light of the opened refrigerator. "You need anything?"
"I just wanted a drink," I whispered. "I didn't mean to bother anyone."
"You didn't," he said, opening a cabinet to get his own glass out. "I wake up a lot to check on Bri."
"Ahhh," I said understandingly, not sure what to add.
"I'm glad you're up, though," Joey said. "I wanted to talk to you about Justin."
To be continued.