Hello all you happy people! (do you know who said that? it's a cartoon quote) Anyway, here's chapter 4 of Reap the Whirlwind. A lot is going on at my website so if you haven't checked it out lately ya might wanna. There are now pics of the RTW characters plus lots more. If you want to be on the mailing list you need to sign up at the site too. And remember, i always welcome feedback!
www.familyshoebox.com/family/bleedinghearts
Chapter 4
Just before I got into bed I decided I was thirsty. I didn't want to disturb anyone else if they were trying to fall asleep so I eased open my door and padded softly down the hall to the kitchen. As I passed through the living room I overheard Asher and Killian talking quietly. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I froze and listened.
"Will seems really nice," Killian was saying.
I felt horrible for eavesdropping but I didn't move.
"Yeah, he is. He's always been one of my favorite relatives, maybe because we look so much alike. One of our great aunts always got us backwards. One time he even got blamed for something I did at a family reunion. I never did tell them I did it." They giggled and Asher was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "Do you really think he's cuter than me?"
I saw movement under the blankets as Killian turned to face Asher.
"What do you think silly?"
"I think he has prettier eyes. His are blue and mine are this stupid blah gray."
"They're silver and they are beautiful. You are beautiful. You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Asher, you have to know by now that I love you more than life itself. I love being with you. When we're apart I feel like part of me is missing. I think about you all the time. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. After all we've been through together, how can you doubt my love for even a single second?"
"It's not that I doubt it. I mean I love you too and I know you love me. It's just...you're so incredible; I keep wondering why you are with me. Never mind, I'm just being silly."
"Yes...you...are..." Each word was separated by a kiss and was punctuated emphatically at the end with a passionate embrace.
I backed slowly out of the room and returned to my own. I hadn't gotten my drink, but suddenly I wasn't thirsty anymore. My thirst had been swallowed by a sharp pang of...was it jealousy? Maybe, but it was definitely longing. I wanted what they had so badly that I could hardly breathe. I'd never even come close to having that depth of relationship with Beth. Would I ever have that?
Unbidden, an image of Joey suddenly leapt into my mind. I mentally swatted it away in annoyance.
"Stop it!" I hissed out loud at myself. "I am not in love with Joey. It's just because Laura put the idea in my head. I can't be gay."
But this time it wouldn't go away. It was suddenly like there were two people arguing inside my head.
"Why can't I be gay?
"Because..."
"Because why?"
"Because..."
Ok. So it wasn't as simple as that. With a growl of frustration I threw myself backwards onto my bed. Well, maybe it was time to settle this once and for all. Then at least I could stop avoiding Laura. She was getting harder and harder to dodge.
I decided to do this logically. I started making a mental list of all the things that I never felt for Beth that I saw in Killian and Asher. One, Beth was never my top priority. I never loved her more than life itself as Killian has said. Two, I didn't want to be with her all the time, in fact, I hardly ever thought about her when we were apart. Three, I definitely didn't want to spend the rest of my life with her.
Ok, so it was obvious that I did not love Beth, but that doesn't mean that I'm in love with Joey. I took the same list and measured my feelings for Joey against them. One, everyone said Joey was my top priority so maybe he was. His decisions were usually set in concrete where my life was concerned. Strike one. Two, Joey and I were almost always together. Or at least we had been before he'd started college. And when we weren't I missed him terribly. Hmm...strike two. Three, did I want to spend the rest of my life with Joey?
I sat up. I didn't like what I was thinking. It went against everything I'd ever been taught. Could I be in love with Joey? It was getting harder and harder to come up with reasonable excuses as to why I wasn't. The idea really shook me.
I felt a sudden need for the comfort of light so I crawled across the bed and reached for the lamp on my bedside table. My hand was shaking so hard however that I couldn't turn the little knob that turned it on. In frustration, I threw my hands up knocking the clip-on shade off in the process and toppling the lamp onto the floor where I heard the light bulb smash. I cursed and fumbled in the darkness. I found the shade and was feeling for the lamp when a soft knock came at my door.
I heaved a sigh, crawled back to the foot of the bed and went to open it. It was Aidan. He eyed the shade still in my hand and gave me a curious look.
"The party's over, dude," he said in a hushed voice.
To my utter embarrassment I burst into tears. I threw the shade across the floor and threw myself face down on the bed.
"Will! What's wrong?" he asked, his voice filled with concern. I heard the door close and a few seconds later felt his hand on my back. "Look, Will, I know we really don't know each other that well yet, but I already feel close to you and I consider you my friend. So I'm going to make the same offer to you that applies to all my friends. If you want to talk about anything, I mean anything at all; I'll always be here to listen. I'm a good listener and I won't judge or repeat anything you tell me. You have my word."
I cried all the harder. I felt the hand leave my back quickly followed by the sound of the window opening. Cool air washed over me.
"Let's step out for some fresh air, shall we?" he said formally.
I looked up to find Aidan straddling the window sash with one leg flung out on the fire escape. He held out a hand and sniffling, I got up and let him help me through the window.
We sat down Indian style next to each other, our knees almost but not quite touching. We sat in silence broken only by my sniveling. Finally, he said, "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I think I'm in love with Joey!" I blurted out and started crying again.
"Wow...um...that's not what I expected," he said in a stunned voice.
"Does that mean I'm gay? I don't wanna be gay. I can't be gay!" I wailed.
"Shhh, shhh, shhh," Aidan hissed. He sounded so much like a snake with a lisp that I started giggling through my tears, then I hiccupped. "People are trying to sleep." He said seriously. He was eying me as if he was afraid I was losing it. Maybe I was. He went on, "I don't know if it means you're gay or not. Maybe you're bi. Or maybe you just love Joey, you know like a fluke. But if you are gay then you need to face it and accept it. It's not that bad you know."
"Yes it is! You don't understand; I'm a Christian."
"So? I didn't realize the two were mutually exclusive."
"They are according to my dad."
"Well, no offense, I mean I've never even met your dad, but I'm pretty sure he's not God."
"But the Bible..."
"Christianity is based on the teachings of Jesus, right?"
"Yeah, but..."
"Show me where Jesus ever once even mentions homosexuality."
"It... he doesn't."
"Right. In the Old Testament, the law was only given to the Hebrews. In the New Testament the Jerusalem council made it very clear that Jewish law did not apply to non-Jews."
"How do you know so much about the Bible?"
"Well, when someone takes such pains to condemn you based on the teachings of a book, I thought it would be best if I knew that book as well as they did. So I did some studying on my own. It just seemed that from what I know about myself and everyone else I've ever met that was gay, no one chooses to be gay. You either are or you aren't. There's nothing you can do about it except accept it and try to live your life the best way you know how. It didn't make sense to me that God would create something that he hated. Those are the conclusions that I came to. I'm not saying that they are the absolute truth. God knows I'm no expert, but I came to a peace of mind with this."
"How...how will I know if I'm gay?"
"I think you'll know, Will. But if you are you need to face it and accept it."
"Now you sound like Laura. Why does everyone keep trying to be my shrink?"
"Maybe because we care about you and we want to help you." Aidan said softly.
I looked over at him and saw nothing but sincerity. A sudden shiver went through me.
"Geez, you're going to get sick! Here we are sitting out here on this cold metal half-naked."
I realized that we were both sitting on the metal grill of the fire escape in nothing but our thin cotton boxers. We were experiencing unseasonably cool weather for September and I noticed the goose bumps on my arms.
"Let's get back inside." Aidan said as he stood up and pulled me to my feet. We climbed back into my bedroom and Aidan shut the window while I crawled into bed.
"Think you can sleep now?" he asked me. I nodded. "You've got a lot to think about." I nodded again. "If you need me, I'm right across the hall." He let himself out, closing the door behind him. For a moment I felt a sense of panic, afraid to be alone with my thoughts, afraid I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. I shouldn't have worried though, I was exhausted and my last thought before falling asleep was that I was very lucky to have moved in with a guy like Aidan.
I was rudely awakened the next morning when 150 pounds of Asher landed in the middle of my bed. I came up kicking and flailing, much to his amusement.
"Time to wake up, Lil Cuz!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.
I flopped back down. "Who you callin' little?" I grumbled sleepily.
"You, Silly-head!"
"Humph, well haven't you ever heard that big things come in small packages?"
Asher peeked under my sheets, "So much for that myth," he teased.
I laughed and shoved him off the bed. He climbed back on amidst giggles and I finally got up. I started pulling open drawers in my dresser trying to remember where I had put what.
"So...?" he said from behind me.
"So what?"
"So, are you and Aidan an item or what?"
"I told you last night that we weren't."
"Yeah, but there was that very interesting scene when we got here yesterday and then last night I got up to pee and ran into Aidan in the hallway. He was sneaking out of your room. He just looked embarrassed and hurried into his room."
"I told we were just wrestling when you got here and he wasn't sneaking anywhere. He was probably just trying not to wake you guys up." Asher arched an eyebrow. "Neat trick. Really, we were just talking. He's my friend. That's it."
"Ok, if you say so. So I guess that means you're still straight?"
I sat down on the bed and tried to decide how to answer that. I wasn't even sure myself.
"Earth to Will," Asher said after a minute, "Are you ok?"
"Huh?" I said stupidly. I had almost forgotten he was there.
"I asked if you were straight and you spaced out."
I stood up and walked a few feet away. "Am I straight?"
"That's what I'm asking you."
"As opposed to what? Crooked?"
"You know perfectly well what I mean; straight as opposed to gay, queer, homosexual. It's a simple yes or no question." He eyed me critically.
"Maybe it's not so simple for me."
His eyes widened. "You mean...?"
"I don't know what I mean," I sighed, "It used to be so clear cut then Laura had to go and get me all confused."
"Laura? How did she confuse you?"
"It's a long story. How did you know you were gay?"
"I guess I've always known on some level, but I was afraid to tell anyone. I mean as soon as I was old enough to understand that only girls were supposed to have crushes on guys I knew I was different. I've been in love with Killian almost as long as I can remember, even back when he was a shy, awkward kid. We've been best friends since we were little."
"Oh great!" I moaned. I sat down on a box that was still in the room and to my surprise found myself going right through the top. With my feet in the air I struggled to pull myself out of the empty box while Asher laughed hysterically. I finally succeeded only in splitting it open but at least I was out.
"I'm going to take a shower," I said with as much dignity as I could muster and grabbing my clothes I made my exit. I left Asher rolling on the bed in tears, gasping for breath in between uncontrolled fits of laughter.
When I got out we had cold cereal for breakfast, the extent of our culinary talents that early in the morning. After eating we set to unpacking the rest of the boxes. With an extra set of hands the work went quickly and by lunchtime the apartment looked like we'd always lived here.
We were making a large pizza with everything disappear when someone knocked on our door. Aidan and I raced the short distance to the door, but he got there first and pulled the door open with one hand while holding a slice of pizza in the other. A woman I didn't know stood in the doorway. I would have guessed her to be in her early to mid-twenties. She had short, spiky dark hair with the tips bleached white-blonde and wore black horn-rimmed glasses, a white halter-top under faded bib-overalls and funky faux leopard-skin fuzzy sandals. These last caught and held my attention.
"Hiya! I'm Nikki Avanti. I love right across the hall. I just thought I'd stick my head in and say heidi-ho good neighbor." She held her hands over the lower part of her face in an imitation of Wilson, the neighbor on Home Improvement.
"Uh, thanks. I'm Aidan Scott and this is my roommate Will Keegan," Aidan said. My attention was still on her feet, or actually her sandals, which she now waggled in greeting. I quickly looked up and held out my hand as my face turned red.
She took my proffered hand in a firm grasp with an amused smile on her not-quite attractive face. "Like my shoes?" she said. "I kinda have my own style. I like to dress with flair! I think certain other residents of the building have betting pools on just how bizarre I can get. I'm always trying to top myself."
I grinned back. I liked her immediately. She had an easy manner that put me at ease. "This is Killian and Asher, they're our cousins." I told her as they came into the hall to see who we were talking to, each carrying their own slice of pizza. We now had more food in the living room then we did in the kitchen. "Would you like a slice of pizza?" I offered.
"No thanks, I'm a health food freak. You know, organic foods only, lots of herbs, almost a vegetarian." She looked around the apartment while she talked. Her eyes lit up when she spotted my drawing table. "Oh wow! Who's the artist?"
"That would be me," I said, making a concerted effort not to blush.
"Nifty! Can I?" She made a motion towards the table.
"Help yourself."
She looked over my equipment for a few minutes, "Quite a professional set up you got here, Will. Nice quality, no junk. You must be a serious artist."
I lost my battle against the blush. "No, it's just a hobby."
"Don't listen to him," Aidan said as he walked over. "He's really good. Look at this." He pulled out my self-portrait with a dramatic flourish.
Nikki's eyebrows shot up above her glasses. "You did this?" she said leaning in for a closer look.
"Yeah," I said. I wondered how much blood could rush to my face before it exploded. I was actually starting to feel a little lightheaded.
"Are you represented?" she asked.
"Huh?"
"By a gallery? Do you show anywhere?"
"Oh Gawd, no!"
She looked at me over the top of her glasses. "You should be."
"I'm not good enough..."
"Bullshit. Pardon my French. I'm an artist; I know what I'm talking about here. Actually, I own my own gallery and I'm always looking for new talent. Are you from around here?"
"Yeah," I said with my head spinning.
"I'd like to see some of your other work. Do you have it here?"
"No, it's at home...I mean my parents home."
"Can you get it for me to see? If I like it as much as what I see here I might be interested in exhibiting a few of your pieces. We could see what kind of reaction we get, maybe do a show. You know, after we see what kind of vibes we get."
I had to sit down. So I did. Without checking to see if there was a chair there first. There wasn't. Aidan snorted and I heard laughter from the kitchen where Killian and Asher had quickly ducked.
"Am I going to fast for you?" Nikki asked.
I nodded mutely.
"You have your own gallery?" Killian asked as he came back out of the kitchen.
"Yes, well, me and my brother own it. My father started it and he left it to us when he died. It's called Avant Guard and it's on the old downtown plaza."
"Cool. You look pretty young to have your own gallery."
"I didn't know there was an age limit and actually I'm 30."
"The health food must work," Aidan quipped.
Nikki laughed and turned her attention back to me. "So what do you say, Will? Can I see your work? Maybe take a shot at being a professional arteest?"
"I don't know," I said slowly.
"Come on, Will," Asher said, "How often you get an offer like that?"
"Why don't you think about it for a while?" Nikki suggested.
"I don't mean to sound rude, but can I ask you a question?" I said hesitantly.
"Hey, you can ask me anything you want. I don't insult easily. You have to have pretty thick skin to dress like I do."
"Well, what do you get out of this?"
She threw her head back and laughed loudly. "A shrewd business man! I love it! Ok, let's see, what do I get out of it? Well, I'm assuming you mean besides the altruistic pleasure of helping out a fellow artist?"
I heard Asher mutter to Killian, "Quick, get a dictionary." Nikki winked at me.
"Yeah, besides that." I agreed.
"Well, it's standard procedure for the gallery to get a commission on anything we sell, usually between 30 and 50%. I'd only ask 30 from you since you're just getting started. More importantly, though, I get the pleasure and credit, keyword credit, of discovering an up-and-coming artist. If you make a splash then Avant Guard gets exposure and publicity and I can really start building a reputation of my own instead of riding on Daddy's coattails."
I nodded, "I need to think about it."
"Sure. Why don't you and Aidan come over to my apartment for dinner tomorrow night? You can meet my boyfriend and see some of my work."
I looked over to Aidan, who nodded encouragingly. "Ok." I said.
"Great! It's a date! Toodles," and with that she let herself out, leaving behind the slightest hint of incense.
"Wow! Will, a real live artist!" Asher exclaimed.
"I dunno, it seems to good to be true," I said.
"Don't be so negative," Aidan scolded, "She's like a force of nature, isn't she? I bet if anyone can make this work she can."
"She seemed cool to me," Killian added helpfully.
"I have an idea," Aidan said, "How 'bout the four of us drive downtown to the plaza and check out the gallery for ourselves. That way we'll know what we're looking at."
"What if it's not open on Sunday?" Asher asked.
"Oh shit!" I gasped.
"What?"
"Today is Sunday!"
"And...?"
"I missed church!"
"Too late to worry about it now," Aidan said philosophically, "Let's go see if this gallery is open right now and you can worry about that later."
So that's what we did.