Here it is, the next to the last chapter if RTW. Hang on to your hat, cuz it ain't over yet.
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Email: Aterovis@aol.com
Chapter 20
I called Mom first thing the next morning. She had just gotten off the phone with the hospital and the report was that there had been no change since the night before.
While I was on the phone a knock came at the door.
"Who could that be? Can you get that?" I asked Aidan.
"Well, we know it isn't Nikki or she'd be beating the door down by now," he said as he started for the door.
When he opened it, Adam swept in with his arms loaded with shopping bags, which were brimming over with flowers, ribbon and Christmas lights. In all the confusion of Dad's emergency the wedding had completely slipped my mind.
"Oh my gosh!" I gasped.
"What is it?" Mom asked on the other end of the line.
"I forgot all about the wedding! We'll have to cancel it."
Both Adam's and Aidan's faces fell so quickly it would have been comical if I wasn't so upset.
"What's going on?" Adam asked Aidan who proceeded to bring him quickly up to date.
Meanwhile, Mom was talking to me, "No, you can't cancel your wedding. You're father...well, I can't say he would have wanted you to go ahead with this, but he would want you to be happy and if this is what will make you happy, then...At any rate, don't cancel it. Please. You heard the doctors. It could be today, it could be next week. They just don't know."
"It doesn't seem right..."
"Will, you've been living your life separately from us for months now by your father's choice and my silent agreement. You shouldn't stop living your life now simply because his is coming to an end. I want you to do this. Celebrate life. Please."
"If you're sure."
"I am. I love you, Will."
"I love you, Mom. I'll try to get by the hospital sometime today before the wedding."
"Ok. Tell Aidan I said hello and thank him for being there last night."
"Aidan's been there for me many nights. He knows how grateful I am."
"Then he needs to know how grateful I am."
"I'll tell him."
I hung up and turned to face Adam and Aidan.
"The wedding is still on," I said.
"Woohoo!" Adam and Aidan yelled together. Adam quickly grew serious again. "I'm sorry about your father, Will."
"Well, like Mom said, I've been living without him for months now..."
"It doesn't make it any easier."
"I've got to get ready for work," I said as I felt tears building. I fled to the bathroom where I turned on the shower to cover the sound of my muffled sobs.
I should have known I couldn't fool Aidan. He followed me right in and wrapped me in his arms.
"Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?" he asked me when I had calmed down.
"No, but I feel like we should anyway. I feel like if we don't do it now we might never do it."
He squeezed me tight. "Why don't you call and tell Nikki you won't be in today. You've got too much going on, your Dad, the wedding, all this with Joey's killer."
"No, I need the distraction. I'll go in for at least part of the day. I want to go see Dad this afternoon, too."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
I sighed, "Yes, but I don't think it would be such a good idea. Are we supposed to wear anything special for tonight? Like am I supposed to pick up a tux or something?"
"I hope not. I'll go ask Adam."
He left me to my shower and reappeared as I was getting dressed.
"Adam says we're to dress casual. Since everything else about this has been unconventional he decided we shouldn't have to dress in monkey suits, which is perfectly fine with me."
"Me too," I agreed.
By the time I came back out the entire entryway was filled with bags full of decorations.
"Oh my God, Martha Stewart died and left us all her shit," I moaned.
Adam laughed as he appeared from behind a 7 foot undecorated live tree that had miraculously sprouted in the middle of our living room. "Get in the spirit, Will!" he said. "You guys should have been decorated by now. What kind of self-respecting gay couple are you?"
I started to answer that we were the type of gay couple who until recently had been trying to find who killed their best friend, but I stopped myself just in time. Aidan stepped in to fill the awkward pause left by my second-thought.
"We're still trying to get the hang of this whole couple thing. Give us a little time and we'll figure it all out."
"I've got to get to work," I said and made my exit.
How am I ever going to get through this day? I wondered as I drove to work. Work did prove to be a distraction for the most part. There were lots of people out looking for unique Christmas presents. Not too many bought anything though. For the most part, when they got a look at the prices, people's reactions ranged from shock to abject horror. Finally though, the façade of geniality just proved more than I could keep up and I asked Nikki for the rest of the day off.
"No problem, bello niño," she said with a soft caress to my cheek. "I will see you tonight. Take care."
I drove straight to the hospital. The nurses at the front desk gave me the room number and I shared the elevator ride up with two porcine redneck women reeking of cheap perfume and a dour looking priest. I was very grateful when the door slid open. I practically dove out. I found Mom dozing in a chair next to Dad's bed. As for Dad, I had to look closely to see the movement of his chest before I was even sure if he was breathing. I had only been to one funeral, besides Joey's, in my entire life. It had been for a great uncle on my father's side. I had thought then that he looked like a wax dummy, as if there had never been any breath of life in him. As I stood looking at my Dad now, that image came back to me. It was how Dad looked now. As if his spirit had already left. I wondered if Mom could see it too, or the nurses. Maybe it was just my imagination.
I stepped into the room and touched Mom lightly on the hand. She jumped and looked wildly about for a second before she focused on me. Her tired face lit up when she saw who it was.
"Will, you made it."
"I told you I'd be by some time today."
"I didn't think you would with everything going on."
I gave her a hug and then stood by Dad's side, looking down on him.
"Can he hear us?" I asked.
"The nurses think so. They said to talk to him. The doctor said that many times he's seen people who hold on until their families tell them it's ok to go, and then they just slip quietly away."
I looked over at her. "Is that what you want me to do?" I whispered.
She looked at me as tears filled her eyes. She gave a jerky nod and then stood up and walked out quickly.
I looked helplessly after her for a moment, then turned slowly back to my father.
"Dad?" I began in a raspy voice. I cleared my throat and began again. "Dad, it's Will. I...I don't know what to say really." I cast about desperately for something to say. How do you tell someone it's ok to die? Then it occurred to me that you simply make it so that there is nothing holding them here.
"Dad, I want you to know that I forgive you." I choked up and it was a while before I could continue without crying. "I know I disappointed you. I wasn't what you hoped I would be. I'm sorry. I'm doing the best I know how. And I'm doing all right now; I'm going to be ok. Don't worry about me. I've got my friends. I've got...Aidan. And I've got Mom. And don't worry about her either; I'll take care of her. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's ok to let go. You don't have to stay here and suffer any more. Dad...I...I love you."
I broke down and cried at his side for a few minutes, then I backed slowly away. When I reached the door I turned to find Mom standing there, slumped against the wall, her body wracked with silent sobs. I took her in my arms and we cried together.
I wasn't in much of a celebratory mood when I arrived back at the apartment later that afternoon. I tried to shake the heavy mood as I rode the elevator up but it wasn't easily dislodged.
As I came through the door I received my first glimpse of the magic Adam had created in the relatively short time I'd been gone. It was so spectacular that I stopped dead and just gaped.
The entryway had been made into a tunnel of fairy lights and pine garlands. It ended at the living room, which had been transformed into a beautiful sanctuary. All the furniture had been removed and folding chairs had been set up in a semi-circle facing the huge windows. In the center of the windows a Christmas tree had been set up and decorated completely in gold and white. All the other decorations in the room carried on the simple, elegant theme: gold and white bows were fixed here and there with sprays of pure white lilies, frosted globes set in wreaths held pure white candles not yet lit. The result was stunning.
Adam was putting some finishing touches on the tree and didn't hear me come in.
"Adam, this is...incredible," I gasped.
He spun around and a wide grin quickly spread across his face. "Do you like it then?" he asked eagerly.
"Like it? Are you kidding? I love it! It's absolutely perfect."
"Good, I was hoping you'd approve. Aidan hasn't even seen the finished results yet. You're the first."
"I'm honored. Where is Aidan?"
"He's in his room, working on his vows."
"His what?" I asked in panic. "We were supposed to write our own vows? Why didn't anyone tell me?"
"Aidan just decided a little while ago. But don't worry, I'm sure Bryan will have some vows for you to use. Bryan is the minister I told you about. He's at the local Metropolitan Community Church."
"If Aidan's writing his own I have to write my own," I wailed. "I'd better get to work."
I dashed back to my old room and threw open the door to find it packed full with the furniture from the living room.
"Whoa!" I exclaimed.
Aidan opened the door to our bedroom across the hall. "You're home!" he said with a grin.
I closed the door and gave him a kiss on the lips. "I can't believe you decided to write your own vows without telling me!" I whined. "Now I have to hurry up and write mine."
"You don't have to," he said, "I just had so much that I wanted to say I decided to write my own."
"Well, I want to do it, too."
"Then you'd better get to work. Time's running out and it's not as easy as you might think."
"No kidding!" I said as I slipped by him. He followed me in and quickly scooped up a notepad that was lying open on the desk. He ripped off the top page and tossed the notebook to me.
"Get to work. I'll go see if Adam needs any help."
He left, shutting the door behind himself, and I set to work.
Several hours later the door opened again. A small pile of crumpled false starts and frustrated attempts surrounded me. I had just finished something I was reasonably satisfied with, although it was much shorter than I had anticipated. I turned expecting to see Aidan, but it was Adam. He was holding a white bundle in his arms.
"Sorry to interrupt," he said, "but it's almost time. Your guests will be arriving soon and I have a surprise for you. I know I told Aidan to just dress casually, but I thought of this today and got your sizes out of your closet and well...here."
He held out his bundle and I saw now that they were clothing. White chinos and a white chamois button up shirt that was as soft as velvet. I accepted with a hug.
"Consider them a wedding present," he said. "Now get dressed and get ready. Bryan is here already. I'll send him back with Aidan in a minute."
I quickly pulled on the clothes Adam had bought me and found that they fit perfectly. I was reading over my completed vows when a soft knock came on the door.
"Come in," I called.
It opened to reveal Aidan and a young man who appeared to be not much older than Aidan and I.
"Will, this is Rev. Cairbre," Aidan said.
"Please, call me Bryan," the minister said as he held out his hand for me to shake. He was a stocky guy with brown hair and eyes and an athletic build. He looked like he would be more at home on a ball field than in a pulpit. He was wearing a simple black suit and tie.
"Thank you so much for doing this on such short notice," I said.
"Oh please, thank you for the privilege," he said with a warm smile. "I don't get to do nearly as many of these as I would like. Besides, I owed Adam a favor. He designed our church's website and wouldn't let us pay him for it."
"I'd like to come to your church some time," I said, "I haven't been to church in months, since I admitted that I was gay. My dad's a minister..." I choked up and couldn't go on. Aidan was by my side in a flash with his arm around my waist.
"Hey, say no more," Bryan said sympathetically, misunderstanding my emotion, "so was my dad. It leaves its share of scars. If you want, after the wedding and all the excitement has settled down, get up with me and I can give you some material on recovering from Bible abuse."
"Bible abuse?"
"Yeah, that's the term for how religion has twisted and used the Bible to hurt people like us, and others. Come in with an open mind and you may just find some healing. I know you'll find God's love."
I nodded uncertainly but I already knew I wanted to know more. Now wasn't the time though, our wedding was getting ready to start in fifteen minutes.
He asked for our rings, we were using the rings Aidan had bought, and then quickly ran over the order of the ceremony. It was short and simple and very elegant. I loved it. I found myself getting truly excited about what we were about to do. There had been so much going on that I hadn't really had time to think about it. But now my heart was racing and I felt a growing anticipation.
After that, it was just a matter of waiting. Adam was greeting the guests as they arrived and making the big announcement. Steve, who had been in on it all from the first, was filming everyone's reactions so we could watch it later.
Finally, after enough time had gone by for me to develop a severe case of butterflies, a soft rap came at the door. Adam popped his head in.
"Bryan?" he said, "We're ready."
Bryan slipped out and Adam stayed in the doorway.
We could easily hear Bryan as he addressed our small group of friends. "Friends, we are here this day to share with Aidan and Will a most important moment in their lives. They have learned to know and love each other and now they have decided to live their lives together. I would like to thank each of you on their behalf for being here. You have each been invited because you are important to them and they wanted you to share in this moment with them. I would like to start by reading a passage of scripture that I find very appropriate for such a time as this. It's from 1 Corinthians 13 verses 4-13.
"Love is patient and kind, love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecy, it will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
As his last words faded away music started as if on cue. I quickly recognized the opening of NSYNC's "This I Promise You." Adam signaled to us to come. Aidan offered his arm, which I took, and together we walked down the hall and into the living room. As we entered, everyone stood up and I got my first glimpse of who had come.
There, beaming back at us was everyone in my life that mattered to me. Killian and Asher were the first faces I focused on. To their right stood Kane and beyond him, Caitlin, wearing a slightly stunned expression. Behind them stood Ilana and Lysander. Gabe and Laura were there, and Nikki with her boyfriend, Sam. Steve was across the room aiming a camcorder in our direction. Bryan was standing in front of the Christmas tree. To my surprise, I noticed it was snowing outside the windows. It couldn't have been more perfect.
Then I noticed the final touch. Mom stood at the back of the room, just inside the door. She looked worn out, tired beyond measure, but she was there and she was smiling with tears in her eyes. Aidan squeezed my hand and I realized that he must have had something to do with her being there.
We turned finally to face Bryan as the last notes of the song faded away. Adam took a seat next to Kane as everyone sat down and looked at us expectantly.
Bryan spoke again, "Will and Aidan, all of us know that you are deeply in love. But beyond the warmth and glow, the excitement and romance, what is love, really? Real love is caring as much about the welfare and happiness of your partner as about your own. Real love is not possessive or jealous; it is liberating; it sets you free to become your best self. Real love is not total absorption in each other; it is looking outward in the same direction together. Love makes burdens lighter, because you divide them. It makes joys more intense because you share them. It makes you stronger, so that you can reach out and become involved with life in ways you dared not risk alone.
"Aidan, do you find within you a love that united you and Will?"
"I do," said Aidan.
"Do you find within you the courage to resist the many deaths by which love can die? Are you willing to love Will into his unique fullness, and to take the risk and the vulnerability of love again and again?"
"I am."
"Will, do you find within you a love that united you and Aidan?"
"I do."
"Do you find within you the courage to resist the many deaths by which love can die? Are you willing to love Aidan into his unique fullness, and to take the risk and the vulnerability of love again and again?"
"I am."
"Aidan and Will, as you have affirmed your willingness to join together, I now invite you to make the promises of your covenant together. Aidan?"
"Will, these past few months have been so difficult for both of us. There were many times when, if you'd told me this day would ever come, I would have laughed in your face or cried because I wanted it so much. But here we are and I can't even find words to say how happy I am. I have been so blessed to find you. I now join you to share all of life with you, its responsibilities and freedoms; its joys and sorrows, to love and care for you. As we continue to grow in our love for each other, I will always love you and listen and speak the truth to you and try to be the best person I can be for you. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with you, as long as God gives us together."
I took a deep breath and tried not to cry. "Aidan," I started and then realized I was going to have to read my vows if I ever hoped to get through them. I pulled them out of my pocket and tried to ignore the sniffling coming from the rest of the room. "Aidan, when I met you a few months ago, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would be standing here now, doing what I am doing. I didn't even know I was gay then. And in reality, my love for you goes so far beyond labels or gender. It doesn't have anything to do with being gay or straight; it just has to do with the fact that you are a beautiful person and I love you. I love you with all my heart, and with all my soul. You've been there for me so many times, even to the point of saving my life more than once. Now I give to you that life that you saved. I look forward to living that life with you, sharing all that life brings, and celebrating each day as a gift from God, as long as we both shall live."
Bryan reached into his pocket and pulled out the two rings. He held one up for everyone to see. "These rings are the symbol of the vows just taken, a circle of wholeness; an unbroken, never-ending, perfect form. These rings mark the beginning of a long journey together filled with wonder, surprises, tears, laughter, celebrations, grief and joy. May these rings glow in reflection of the warmth and the life which flow through the wearers today."
He handed the ring to Aidan. "Aidan, place this ring on Will's hand and repeat after me, I give you this ring as I give you my love and faithfulness."
We repeated the process with me placing the ring on Aidan's hand.
"Let us pray. Our Father, we rejoice with Aidan and Will. We thank you for their families and friends who have helped to shape their lives. We thank you for the opportunities and events which challenge them to their life's work. We thank you for their ever-deepening relationship and their decision to share the future together. We pray that we may be responsible witnesses to them enabling them to share their lives for the sake of all people.
"Aidan and Will, go into the world and fulfill your lives. Hold fast to your ideals. Give one another new experiences of joy. Challenge one another that you might grow together. May this love now sealed with your mutual covenant mature and enrich the experiences of you both. May your home be a happy one and your lives fulfilled. Amen.
"Aidan and Will, why don't you seal your vows with a kiss?"
He didn't have to ask twice. We stepped forward and kissed softly.
"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to pronounce Aidan Michael Scott and William Spencer Keegan joined before God. May your lives be blessed together."
With that everyone rose to their feet and began to applaud as one.