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Chapter 15
The next morning I awoke to the sound of pounding coming from the front door. I stumbled out of my room and into the hall where I met a sleepy Aidan looking as startled as I felt.
"Who would be knocking on our door at 6 AM?" he asked accusingly, as if it was somehow my fault.
"Knocking? I think it would be more accurately described as banging...no pounding, or maybe beating..." I grumbled as I padded off down the hall barefoot. To my surprise and embarrassment, since I was still in nothing but my boxers that I was sleeping in, I found Nikki on the other side of the door. She looked disgustingly chipper for that ungodly hour. She swept by waving something in her hand.
"Oh, good!" she said when she spied Aidan blinking in confusion at finding her in our apartment with no apparent emergency, "you're up, too! Great! Come on out."
"I wasn't up until someone woke me out of a very nice dream," he said acidly.
Nikki narrowed her eyes at me, "You woke Aidan up?"
I sighed and decided it was too early to even attempt to answer that. I tried to focus my sleep-clouded eyes on the object she was still waving around. It looked like a rolled newspaper or maybe a magazine. "I'm going to go put some clothes on," I said.
"Take a look at this first," she said, and then to Aidan, "And while you're up you look too. The reviews are in!" She tossed the bundle onto the table with a flourish. The newspaper unrolled sending a magazine sliding off the table where it landed at my feet.
"We need a new paperboy," Aidan said as he came over to the table.
I snatched the magazine up. It was the Mid-Atlantic Monthly Art Journal. The glossy cover featured an idyllic scene of a lighthouse.
"Turn to page 48," Nikki ordered me as she began flipping through the newspaper.
I did as she had said and scanned the text for my name. It jumped out at me from the second column under the heading New Talent. I began to read out loud.
"'Promising New Artist Debuts in Maryland,'" I read, "'Avant Guard, the internationally renown art gallery that was founded by Giovanni Avanti and is now managed by his sole heirs, Derrick and Nikolia Avanti, recently played host to a delightful new artist by the name of Will Keegan.' That's me!"
"Duh! Keep reading," Aidan said.
"'Keegan, only 18 and still very obviously in the early stages of his career, shows great promise for the art world. His watercolor paintings are reminiscent of Andrew Wyeth, though without much of the soul and depth that is so evident in Wyeth's work.' I'm soulless?" I asked with a frown.
"It comes with age and experience. Keep reading," Nikki said.
"'Still, over all, the twenty painting on display were an impressive first showing for a talented and charming young man.' I'm charming?"
"Keep reading!" Nikki and Aidan said in unison.
"Geez! 'With his candid and unique views of the world around him, Keegan is a welcome addition to the art community. Look for great things to come from this artist's brush.'"
"Is that it?" Aidan asked. I was beginning to think he wasn't a morning person.
"It? That's wonderful!" Nikki crowed, "They gave you a glowing review! And they mentioned the gallery. We couldn't have bought that kind of publicity."
"They said I was soulless," I whined.
"Who cares? It's a critic; they have to say things like that. Look, your picture is in the paper."
Aidan and I both bent over the table to see where her finger was pointing and bonked heads in the process. Rubbing our heads we moved in more carefully a second time. Sure enough, there I was, in all my flashy leather glory with Caitlin hanging on my arm looking for all the world like a Hollywood starlet. Aidan looked at it for a moment then walked away and turned on the TV. I decided not to let his attitude ruin this moment for me. I read the short article that accompanied the photo but it didn't really say anything; it was just a blurb in the Lifestyle section, but it was still exciting. I couldn't help but be a little disappointed that Aidan wasn't sharing this moment with me.
Just then Aidan called my name. I could tell right away that something was wrong by his tone of voice. I spun around to find him leaning forward tensely, staring at the TV. The early morning news was on and the anchorwoman was speaking earnestly into the camera.
"This is the second death to rock the campus in less than a month," she was saying, "The last death, that of college freshman Joseph Taylor, was ruled an alcohol related accident by the police. At this point, Hammond's death is tentatively being called a suicide. In other news..."
Aidan clicked the TV off using the remote control.
"Hammond?" I asked.
"Blake," Aidan said grimly.
"Suicide?"
"That's what they said."
"Did you know her?" Nikki asked.
"Sort of," I said. I didn't offer to explain and for once she didn't pry.
"Well, I'd better get back to the apartment. I left Sam asleep in bed. I don't want him to wake up and find me missing. Take the day off and celebrate the good reviews." She waggled her fingers in our direction and let herself out.
"Sure, she let him sleep," Aidan said as he pushed himself up off the sofa, "I'm going back to bed."
"Aren't you even the slightest bit happy for me?" I asked, for the moment forgetting about the news of Blake's death.
He sighed, "Oh yeah, I'm thrilled for you and your fianc."
"My what? What are you talking about?"
"Read the caption," he said and disappeared down the hall.
"What caption?" I called, but his door had closed, cutting off any further attempt on my part to find out what was eating him.
I bent over the newspaper article again and found the caption under the photo of Caitlin and I. I had missed it earlier in my rush to read the article. "Keegan and fianc, Caitlin Stewart talk to Mr. & Mrs. Edward Curran of Baltimore," it read. It was so ridiculous I almost laughed out loud. But obviously Aidan hadn't found it so amusing. I hurried down the hall to his room and knocked. No answer, so I pushed it open. He was lying on the bed with his back towards me, on top off the blankets.
"Aidan, you don't actually think Caitlin and I are getting married do you?"
"Why not?" he said without moving, "You're raising the baby, the other night you called yourself a first time father, you're always talking about Caitlin this and Caitlin that...why not get married? You're so obsessed with this baby that I think you'd do whatever you had to do to make sure you're a part of its life."
I stared at him in slack-jawed amazement. Where was all this coming from? "I...I thought you supported me."
"I tried, Will. I really did. It's just..." He sounded like he was crying. Suddenly things fell into place.
"You're jealous of Caitlin and the baby," I said aloud as the realization jolted through my brain.
"Of course I'm jealous, you idiot!" he yelled as he rolled over to face me. "I'm in love with you! Can't you see that?"
"I...you're...wha?"
"I told you that night we made love. I told you I loved you. That wasn't just pillow talk. I meant it." He stood up and walked to the window. "I've done everything I can think of, tried every way I could think of to show you that I loved you. I was always there when you needed someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on because Joey had hurt you in some way. I was there when Joey died. I was there when you decided to go ahead with this crazy idea to raise Joey's baby. I was there when you came up with this even crazier idea to catch Joey's killer. I'm always there. And what have I accomplished? Nothing. I'm still just good ol' buddy Aidan."
He stopped and took a shaky breath and turned to face me. I was speechless. "And you know what?" he went on after a moment, "I'd do it all again; I'd have my heart broken again, because I love you. But just once...I'd like...no I need - I need to know it matters. That I'm not just pissing in the wind here."
He collapsed onto the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands. I walked over to him and knelt down in front of him. I reached up and gently took his hands in mine.
"It does matter," I said softly. "Aidan, I'm so, so very sorry. I don't know what I would do without you. I'd be dead if it wasn't for you. I...I've taken you for granted and I'm sorry. You always seem so strong, always the rock I lean on, and it just never even occurred to me that maybe you needed someone to lean on too. I owe you so much; I owe you my life. You're my best friend."
"But you don't love me." It was a statement, not a question, but I answered it anyway.
"I...I don't know..."
Aidan pulled his hands from mine. "Then that says everything doesn't it?"
"Aidan..."
"Save it Will," he said without anger, just resignation. "I'll be ok. I always am." He walked out of the room and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. It wasn't long before I heard the shower come on.
I sat down wearily on the edge of the bed, where Aidan had been moments before. I had taken Aidan for granted, that was very clear now. I was so busy chasing after Joey, and then memories of Joey that I had never taken the time to see what was happening right under my nose. How many times had I thoughtlessly slipped a knife into Aidan's heart and not even noticed? I didn't even want to think about it; too many by far.
And now...was it too late? I still wasn't sure how I felt about him, but I knew I had grown to love him very deeply. I had just taken it for granted that he'd be there when I got home. I'd taken it for granted that he'd be there when I needed a pair of strong arms to comfort and hold me while I cried. I'd taken it for granted that he'd always be there to support and encourage me with no support and encouragement from me. I'd taken so much for granted. Had I lost him now because of my neglect? The very thought filled me with such a sense of loss and grief that it felt as if my heart would explode.
I was still sitting on the bed when Aidan came back in, water dripping from his hair and a towel gripped around his waist. He seemed surprised to find me still in his room.
I looked up at him and suddenly felt the tears that had been threatening spill over and roll down my cheeks. "I do love you," I whispered.
Aidan squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and then opened them again. The pain in his eyes was so raw, so naked, that it almost took my breath away.
"Not again, Will," he plead hoarsely, "Don't do this to me again."
"Do what?"
"Don't make me open up my heart like this only to have it slammed in my face. I can't keep doing this."
"I won't...I...I love you."
Tears streamed down his face and he didn't even bother to wipe them. "No, it'll always be something; Joey, Caitlin, the baby. They'll always come first."
"No!" I cried, desperate to make him understand what I suddenly knew with all my heart, "Listen to me. Maybe I'll always love Joey, some part of me. And yes, I have made a commitment to Caitlin and this baby, but now I want to make a commitment to you."
"And what if Joey walked through the door right now and said he loved you?" Anguish filled his voice, making it sound foreign, as if it didn't really belong to him.
"Joey's dead," I sobbed.
"WHAT IF?" he screamed. Then he began to sob too, "What if?"
I cried for a moment, then managed to find my voice enough to say, "If Joey was here right now I'd tell him...I'd tell him that...that it's too late now. I'd tell him that I gave him my heart once, totally and completely. And he took it and smashed it to a thousand pieces. But someone else came along, and they started piecing all the little parts back together. And even when it seemed like the pieces would never fit together and that some pieces must have been lost forever, they didn't give up. And when it was as good as it would ever be, they gave it back to me, even though they longed to keep it. And then, when I got it back, I realized that it really did belong to that person after all and I very much wanted them to have it. Will you take it back, Aidan? Can I give you my heart?"
He stood deathly still for an eternity. Not a muscle twitched; he looked as if he had been turned into a statue. Then slowly his lips began to move, although no sound escaped them. Then finally, "Do you mean that?"
I held my hand out to him and nodded, "I love you, Aidan."
He took a hesitant step forward, then another. I reached my arms around his waist and pulled him close, resting my face against his stomach. I slowly ran my hands up his back and then back down again. I kissed his chest and then his belly. He let out a low whimper as I loosened the towel and it fell to the floor. Then I slowly lay back, pulling him down with me.
The first time hadn't been a fluke...the fire works were still there.
I awoke a few hours later, his arms around me, my legs tangled with his. There were no misgivings this time; only a sense that everything was just as it was supposed to be. I inhaled deeply, savoring the sweet, musky scent that was left from our lovemaking. I twisted around so I could see his face. My stirring woke him and his eyes fluttered open. I smiled and kissed him softly on the lips.
"It wasn't a dream," he whispered in an awed voice.
"No, it's for real," I said softly, "I love you, Aidan Scott."
A patented Aidan original grin spread slowly across his face and I realized how long it had been since I'd seen one. "And I love you, Will Keegan."
We kissed again, this time neither of us was in any hurry to end it. We were working our way towards another fireworks display when the phone started ringing.
"Mmm...let it ring," Aidan said.
"It might be important," I said. I never could ignore a ringing phone.
"Then they'll call back," his lips started down my neck and I forgot what I was arguing about.
The ringing stopped only to start again a few seconds later. I sat up. "It must be important."
Aidan sighed. "Fine, but I'll answer you. You don't move." He stood up, then bent over me for one more quick kiss before running off to find the phone.
Aidan walked back in while he talked on the phone. I took the opportunity to drink him in. His body was so perfect it was almost too beautiful. He looked like Michelangelo's David come to life. His gently curling dark blonde hair framed a chiseled face and those beautiful, intensely green eyes. Under them was straight, even nose that led directly to those full, incredibly kissable lips. His chest and arms were muscled without being huge and his stomach was hard and smooth. He obviously found time to work out and I wondered when. It made me realize how little I really knew about the man I had been living with for the past several months. I was ashamed of the way I had treated the one person who had loved me through the hardest times of my life.
Aidan held out the phone, interrupting my visual inventory of his physical attributes. I hadn't been paying attention to his side of the conversation so I really had no idea who he was talking to or what it was about. Aidan read the confusion on my face.
"It's Laura," he said, "She just heard about Blake."
I took the phone. "Hello?"
"Will?" Laura said, "What's going on? I didn't think you were ever going to answer. I called your work and Nikki said you had the day off. You weren't still asleep were you?"
"No, we weren't asleep," I said carefully.
"Well anyway, Aidan said you'd heard about Blake."
"Just what they said in the news this morning, that she'd committed suicide."
"You don't think that's just a tad too convenient?"
"Huh?"
"Didn't you see the whole report?"
"No and I've had other things on my mind. Why?"
She sighed. "They found her late last night in the river in the park. They think she jumped off the bridge. How much do you want to bet she bumped her head on the way down?"
"I'm not following," I said, feeling stupid.
"I'm saying that maybe someone killed her to keep her from talking to us, or to anyone for that matter. Do you know how hard it would be to kill yourself in that river? You'd have to be really determined."
"But she didn't know anything."
"Maybe she did and she was just too scared to talk, or maybe the killer couldn't risk the chance that she knew something."
"You're assuming the killer knew we were going to talk to Blake again, or even that we ever talked in the first place."
"It's not like it's a big jump, Will," she said, "We've not been exactly secretive. Half the campus knows we've been asking questions about Joey's death."
"How did they know Blake saw anything?"
"We figured it out, it wouldn't be hard for someone else to figure it out too."
"Why do they think it was a suicide?"
"Because there was a note left in her car."
"Then why are we having this conversation?"
"Because there's no proof that Blake really wrote that note or even if she did that someone didn't make her."
"You're going overboard with this whole junior detective thing, Laura. This is all pretty farfetched."
"Will, think about it. If you were going to commit suicide would you jump in the river at the park? You can practically wade across. And besides, the water is disgusting, full of pollution and geese poop."
"We both know what my preferred method of suicide is," I said sharply, "And let me tell you, you're not thinking clearly when you do something like that. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience."
That stopped her for a second, but nothing ever stops Laura for long. "Look, at least help me search her room."
"What? Are you crazy? Who do you think you are, Nancy Drew? We're not the Hardy Boys. We don't know anything about breaking and entering."
"Will! You are the one who started this and for Joey's sake we're going to finish it. Why are you suddenly acting like this? Besides, who said anything about breaking and entering? Blake lived on campus and she had a roommate. At worst we'll be entering, no breaking involved."
"And then what? What are we looking for?"
"We searched Joey's room, it'll be like that. We're looking for anything out of the ordinary."
"It was different with Joey. I knew him. I knew what was out of place in his room. I never even met Blake."
"William Spencer Keegan!" Uh oh, she was pulling out the full name, I was in trouble.
"Ok, ok," I said quickly, "Tomorrow after I get off..."
"No, it has to be today, before they pack up her stuff. How soon can you meet me at the dorms?"
"I don't even know where the dorms are."
"I do," said Aidan. He'd been lying next to me the whole time, lazily trailing his fingers across my chest.
I sighed. It was obvious the water was moving too fast for me to swim upstream, I might as well go with the flow. If Aidan was offering to go with me there was no point in arguing.
"Give us a couple hours," I said.
"Great," I could hear the triumph in her voice. "I'll see you then. Oh, and Will...are you and Aidan...?"
She left the question unasked but I knew what she was after. With a malicious smile playing on my lips I said, "Bye Laura," and hit the end button disconnecting the line. Revenge was sweet and I knew the best torture for Laura was unsatisfied curiosity.
I dropped the phone off the side of the bed and turned towards Aidan. His arms wrapped around me.
"A couple hours, huh? That should be enough time. Shall we pick up where we left off?"
He didn't have to ask twice.