Realizations

Note: If you've been reading my other story "Realizations" then you now this takes place a year later.

So, it's Thursday the third month of my senior year of high school and instead of being sad, I'm just fucking happy it's almost over. Last year sucked ass and it's been a year since the whole Harmony thing. She's still my best friend but that's as far as it goes. I'm still lesbian, or so I thought until the new guy showed up, but I'll get to that later. I've been hanging with this girl named Jessica. I've known her for awhile, but she usually just annoyed me. Anyways, she's tolerable for now so here's the story. She's telling me about this girl she just met. Her name is Marian and she just moved here from California. I have issues with California and she's a sophomore so I'm thinking who gives a shit. The only thing we can hope for is her being hot. Then she'd be like the first hot lesbian our little Bible town has ever seen. It's that whole stereotype thing me and Daniel have set out to prove wrong, that hot lesbians do exist. But, anyways, like I was saying, Marian. Jessica's telling me she's bi, so that throws off our mission. Bi people don't count. No offense. There's a game this Friday and they're both going and of course I have to be there. (Yes, unfortunately for the rest of this year I am a band nerd. Back off my ass.) Jessi's little nephew comes running in at this point and so begins the paint war. Just as Jessica, me, and Rayd are almost covered in paint, the phone rings. It's Marian. So, while they're talking I'm fucking with Jessica's lighter. I got bored, so I start acting like I'm gonna burn Jessica and she freaks out and tells Marian. So, of course, Marian now wants to have a few words with me.

Jessica hands the phone to me and Marian tells me I can't burn Jessica that I can burn her later if I want. ?? Okay, so her girlfriend's hitting on me. Great, just what I need. A masacistic 15-yr-old after me. But, whatever, she seems cool. Maybe I'll get to know her. So, she asks me if I'm going to Jessica's Halloween party and if I'm staying the night and then asks if I want to go shopping next Thursday in Wal-Mart with them before the party. Okay, I'll play third wheel. What the hell? It's not like I have anything better to do. So, I give the phone back to Jessica and tell her I have to go. I gotta be home before my dad gets off work at 8. I'm supposed to be grounded, but oh well. I wake up the next morning and the day goes by pretty fast. We're at the game and I'm doing band stuff looking for Jessica and Marian. They see me before I see them so it's safe to say I didn't make the greatest first impression. (Jumping around like an idiot and "dancing" with David to "We Ready", definitely priceless but still something to stay away from when making a first impression.) Then again, I didn't get the greatest first impression of Marian either. So, I finally see Jessica and she waves me over to them. There's still laughing there asses off. Just as I walk over, this really nasty guy Larry comes up and grabs Marian and they go somewhere to make out. I'm like, oh great another whore. So, I talk to Jessica for awhile and I'm telling her to watch her back cause her girl might be a little more straight than gay. Funny, in the beginning, I was the one warning her. I go back to the band and finish watching our team lose. So, we all go home and I'm lying in bed when the phone rings.

It's Amy. She wants to know what I think of Marian. She's taken her and Jessica home a few times so she's already met her. I tell her I think she's okay, that she seems more straight than gay and I don't really think she's gay at all and that she doesn't seem like someone I want to know at all. Amy's like whatever I think she's kinda hot. I'm like whatever I don't wanna be around her. So, nothing important happened the rest of the week, on to Thursday. I go by Jessica's and Marian and her are just about to leave. Jessica's mom won't let her ride with me, but Marian still wants to. (Yeah I know I'd want to ride with my gf's best friend instead of my girlfriend too not.) So, we leave and meet up at Wal-Mart. We're walking around the Halloween isle and we run into this guy named James. He's totally freaked out and I mean his clothes. He looks like Brandon from 'The Crow'. Of course we have to meet him. We love freaks. I am one. We get him to come to Jessica's party and walk off to find what we came for.

We check out and get back to Jessica's house and they ask if I want to go trick-or-treating with her, Marian, and Rayd. I said sure. What else do I have to do? And when have I ever been known to miss an oportunity to make an ass out of myself? I call my dad and clear it with him and we're off. Once again, Jessica's stuck with her sister Trina and Marian rides with me. ?? We park the cars at the primary and take off walking down a few familiar streets. Marian's talking about back home and her friends finishing the conversation we started in the truck. She's telling me about all the people she's been with which is doing nothing to improve my opinion

of her being a whore. But, at least she's honest. And it kinda makes me sad because she regrets most of it. Half of it she can't remember because she was so messed up on drugs. Warning bells are going off everywhere in my head that I shouldn't even try to be friends with this girl. I keep thinking over and over she's just gonna be another fucking Jennifer. Someone else I'll want that I can't have. Jessica keeps leaving us, so we keep to ourselves and start acting like retards to get her attention. Marian's dragging her feet and making retard noises and I'm yelling at scarecrows. "Grandpa! What are you doing here? Come on we have to get you back to the nursing home!", I yell to one scarecrow. We're both nearly in tears laughing. And I have to admit that I haven't had this much fun in a long time. We finally get Jessica to crack a smile, even though she's still acting like she doesn't know us. We get back to Jessica's house and Marian asks me to drive her home. I say sure as long as it's okay with Jessica. She says yes (mistake #1) and we head off. Marian's telling me about this girl she left back home named Jessica. And then starts in on what Jessica (our friend) told her about me, "Yeah, she said you were really cool and funny. I agree with her." "I guess, if you guys say so." I drop her off and head home. The next day we have another game. It took a little more convincing but I got my dad to let me stay the night at Jessica's after the party. Me and Aimee (different one) stopped by Jessica's earlier to tell her I'd be over later. We lost again and I was back in a few hours. Jessica and Marian were telling me about this girl Jordyn who just moved here from Oklahoma. She just left the party so I didn't get to meet her just yet. I had a bunch of glow sticks left over from yesterday's black light pep rally so I was over by the bonfire, fucking around with them when two of them busted in my mouth. I was still coughing up glow-in-the-dark liquid when I looked up to see Marian and Bizkit come out of the woods high of their asses. I wasn't the only one that noticed and Jessica was pissed. Jessica starts yelling at Marian and then Marian storms off into the house and says she's going home. I did not want to be the only one staying the night with Jessica. That would just be way to weird. So, I took off after only to have a bathroom door slammed in my face. I asked her not to leave because I didn't want to be the only one staying the night and she just said whatever and walked into Jessica's room.

She was crying and she was pissed because Jessica wasn't trying to stop her from leaving. I told her Jessica's not the type of person to try to hold people back. Then I went outside. So, I left it at that. A few minutes later she came back out and said Jessica's parents talked her into staying. I was relieved to say the least. The rest of the party we spent throwing weird objects into the bonfire and I got groped by Marian and Jessica. We were all dancing around the fire. Everyone slowly began leaving until there were only four of us left. Amy stayed, but she wasn't spending the night. We had relocated to Jessica's room by this point and things kept getting stranger. Between me getting groped and Amy making out with the dog, maybe strange isn't the word. After Amy left, we were just hanging out on the bed laughing and listening to music. Marian kept trying to get some action from Jessica but Jessica kept pushing her away saying no I don't wanna take advantage of you when you're high. Then she tells her to go play with me. (Mistake #2) Marian says fine rolls over and starts playing with my boob through my shirt. (I know I'm supposed to be the

good friend and all but I figured there's a hot chic feeling me up, this doesn't happen all the time, might as well enjoy it while it lasts. She did give her permission.) We just laughed it off but Jessica looked pissed and went to sleep. I tried to sleep but it's really hard with 3 people on the same bed or at least with Marian so close to my face since she just decided to roll over a little closer. Our faces were so close we could've been making out. I rolled over as close to the wall as I could. Jessica's my friend no way am I gonna make a move on her girlfriend. After a good hour or so I finally fell asleep. Only to wake up about 5am with a need to piss from hell and Marian's foot in my crotch. I tried waking her up but she wasn't moving so I just nonchalantly shoved her foot out of my crotch and bolted for the bathroom. I climbed blindly back in bed and just waited for everyone to get up. I layed there for a few minutes until I felt something on my leg. It was Jessica's cat who was slowly working her way up to Marian's boobs. She sat there quite contently pawing and purring at her boobs. I just laughed I couldn't help it. She slept through the entire thing. When everyone was up I tried to make a break for it but whaddaya know ? Marian had to be home by 10 too. So of course I gave her a ride home. On the way back I told her about her foot and the cat. She just laughed and said she was a really sound sleeper. She said someone could pretty much rape her in her sleep and she wouldn't feel a thing. As we pulled up to her house she asked for my phone number. I gave it to her and left. The rest of the weekend and the rest of the week went by pretty slow until about Tuesday. I started thinking about Jennifer again and got really depressed. It was after 1pm so i was already out of school. I pretty much just went home and cried. I tried to cover it up and washed my face because I still had to go pick up Aimee after school. I was walking up and I see Marian or she sees me rather and comes running up to me and hugs me and starts asking what's wrong cause she can tell I've been crying. I told her it's complicated and she says she hopes the rest of my day gets better and introduces me to Jordyn. We talk for a few minutes until Jordyn's mom gets there to pick them up.

I take Aimee home and then drive around for awhile. I start thinking about Marian, wondering why she seems to care so much when she doesn't even know me. She just doesn't seem like the kind of person that would do something like that. I had pretty much written her off as a bitch and a whore. Now, I was starting to feel bad about judging her. The next day at school I meet the new guy, Stuart, that everybody's been freaking out over just because he's another outcast. (You know the kind, spikey hair, JNCO's, chains...). Geri Beth introduces me to him. I'm not impressed. He just looks like every other guy I know. The next day I'm outside after school again and I see him. He comes up and asks if I can give him a ride home. I ask him where he lives and say sure. Surprisingly enough, he lives two streets down from me. So, I take him home and he asks what I'm doing today. I say nothing and he invites me over to hang out for a few hours. Nothing really major, we play video games and end up going to Wal-Mart. At Wal-Mart we run into Marian and her mom (by the way Marian and Stuart have now hooked up and have this cute little 3 excuse me 4-way thing going on. I forget Jessica has a boyfriend too. Dale.) So, we say hi and Marian pulls me aside and says she needs my help. She says she wants to quit drugs but she needs help and I seem like a really strong person. I'm like okay I guess I could try. And then they leave. Me and Stuart go back to my house and I tell him what Marian asked me. He's a druggie too. So, he doesn't really see the point in trying to quit. I'm just like whatever dude.

I figured he wouldn't get it. The next day me and Stuart end up hanging out again and we start talking about Marian and starts telling me that I seem really cool and he wishes he'd met me before he met Marian. (Does anyone else see a problem with this?) I say, yeah you seem pretty cool, too. (Which honestly I don't know why, but he really does and I think I might be attracted to him, too. I still don't really like Marian at this point. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to steal her guy, but I really don't think she has any deep feelings for him past 7 or 8 inches. Just guessing.) We talk some more and he says he's thinking about breaking up with her anyways because she won't open up to him and he's not into just fucking all the time. (I'm in shock a half-way decent guy and he's interested in me.) He asks what I think he should do. I tell him I don't know if he's not happy then he should probably break it off. Then he asks if I would every be interested in him if he did break up with her. I said honestly yeah. Now he's in shock because he thought I was strictly a lesbian. So

did I. We end up on my couch cuddling watching Mortal Kombat (I know not very romantic, but what did you expect he's a guy. I knew we wouldn't be fucking watching Romeo & Juliet and I'm giving him complete leeway here. I treat girls and guys completely different.) in my living room. It's kind of weird. I haven't been with a guy in a while so it's a little different, but still kinda nice. Hell, I haven't been with anyone in over a year after my last girlfriend. He wanted to kiss me but I wouldn't let him. I don't encourage cheating even if I don't like the person their with. He tells me he's going to try to talk to Marian and work it out or break it off with her. I'm like okay, but I still feel bad for Marian. He left at about 2am. My dad goes to sleep pretty early so he wasn't exactly awake to care. The next day I see Marian in the halls and she gives me this note: Cristina, (I'm shocked she spelled my name right.) When can we talk? I really want to know what's going on in your head. I'm grounded so I guess we could talk online, but you don't want to write it down, so that's cool. A bunch of us are thinking about ditching Wed. at Stuart's come with and we can talk there. And about what you asked I have tried to quit before but it's just not for me I'm happier this way. (I asked if she's ever tried quitting pot.)

Now the concience thing kicks in again.

I've never ditched a day in my life so I'm a little paranoid. But, I figure what the hell? It's my Senior year. Bout time I did something stupid. (Begin phase one of my downward spiral...) So, me, Marian, Amy, Stuart (Jessica couldn't make it.

Damn.) are all over at his house hanging out. We have to stay there until about 11 until my dad leaves to go to work. Amy already knows about the Stuart thing, but Marian's still in the dark. At 11 we leave to go get my guitars and a blender. Amy already has her bass there and we're fucking around with it. Stuart and Marian get all horny and end up in his room getting off. I'm extremely pissed at this point and I walk outside. Amy comes after me and asks what's up? I'm venting how pissed I am at Stuart because he's supposed to be trying to talk to Marian and last time I checked fucking isn't considered talking. She hugs me and drags me back into the house. They come out a few minutes later and I start giving them both the silent treatment. Marian asks me to come with her into Stuart's room so we can talk and I say okay. I start thinking how to tell her I like her guy without her getting pissed. She starts asking about the crying thing and I tell her about Jennifer and how we were best friends and I fell for her and how she ditched me. She says that sux and starts talking about how she doesn't even really know me but she feels like she can trust me. Okay there go the warning bells. My goal for my Senior year was to not get attatched to anyone here and just fucking leave and get the hell out of here while I still can. And she is looking like another potential Jennifer only hotter and less straight. Bad, bad, bad bad bad.

I tell her that's great, but I don't trust people or let them in very easily. She starts talking more about her past and all the people who've screwed her over and how she probably should be the same way and usually is, but that I'm getting to her. I'm confused but I just let it go and suggest we go back in the other room. Everything in me is tellig me to just say fuck it and run like hell away from both of them. I end up staying. A few minutes later we realize we left the Bacardi mixers at my house. I tell them I can run back to my house and get them and Marian volunteers to come with. So, we're back at my house and we end up sitting in my kitchen talking again. Then she asks me if she can tell me something without weirding me out. I say sure and she tells me that she's attracted to me and has been for a while now since the Tyler trip. (By the way Amy took me, Stuart, Dale, and Marian to Tyler. Jessica couldn't make it again. And Marian ended up stuck in some handcuffs in my lap in Amy's front seat. Let me clear this up. It was purely innocent. Marian was fucking around with the handcuffs and ended up getting stuck and I was trying to help her get them off. Which was a little more than difficult after she nonchalantly decided to mention that she wasn't wearing any underwear under her skirt and starting sliding up and down between my legs. I dug my nails into her leg and tried to get her to stop, she ended up getting all horned out and jumped in the back seat to fuck Stuart.

And afterwards while she was trying to cool off with some ice from her drink we got at Taco Bell, she decided to help cool me off too and dips her hand in the ice and starts running her fingers down my neck and around my ear. Big mistake those are major turn ons for me.) So, I tell Marian that originally I started liking Stuart, but now I like her too. She says she knew something was up because her and Jordyn were talking about how much time we've been spending together, but she told Jordyn that she didn't think I'd betray her like that and asks if me and Stuart did anything. I tell her no, that I wouldn't let him I told him he had to break up with you first. She's says okay but she's not mad. She says there's only one problem...I know Stuart would be into it but I doubt Jessica would go for a 5-way relationship. Yeah, I say, and ask if she's happy with Jessica. She says she really likes her but Jessica keeps pushing her away and that's one thing that really hurts her and she's been really unhappy for a few weeks now. I said I didn't know what she should do and we left it at that and went back to Stuart's house. She keeps asking what she should do. I tell her that I wouldn't want to stay with someone that acted like they didn't want me back. She says I'm probably right and she'll probably break up with Jessica tommorrow. She says she's been thinking of breaking it off with her and making a pass at me for a few weeks and almost did it like three times, but she didn't think I'd be interested in her. I said are you crazy? I'd never turn you down, you're totally hot and I would never push you away. She blushes and says that solves that problem. She asks me on the way back if I'd ever fuck her and I said yeah of course I would. I ask her if she would really fuck me and she says yes that she's been fantasizing about it for the last two weeks. I tell her I find that hard to believe. She asks why and I tell her I don't have an extremely high opinion of myself and she says that she'll just have to try to boost my self esteem by telling me how hot I am all the time. I mumbled an I guess and turned 3 shades redder. Back at the house we tell Amy and Stuart what happened and finish making the Bacardi mixers. I'm kind of dreading tomorrow and Marian ends up in the bathroom crying. I go in and talk to her and comfort her andshe starts telling me what's up. She's really upset because she sees no hope for the rest of her life. She starts going through Stuart's cabinets looking for pills, but Stuart cleared everything out before we came over. I hold her back and tell her that it doesn't have to be like that and if she doesn't want to break up with Jessica she doesn't have to that we can still be friends. She says that's not the problem and I tell her I know but I thought it might help to take some of the drama away from the situation. She says no she's still breaking up with Jessica but starts warning me how hard it is to be in a relationship with someone like her. I tell her that I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with either but if she can put up with me than I can put up with her with no problems. So, basically at this point we're telling each other what a mistake it would be to be together and nothing good is going to come out of it. But, you know that only makes us want each other more. Funny how that works. We come back out and it's almost time for us to go back home. I grab my stuff and take Marian back up to the school. She tells me to stop at the Junior High across the street. I do and she jumps me and tries to kiss me. I push her away and tell her that I know I'm going to kick myself for this later, but it's not right and she has to wait until after she breaks up with Jessica. So, she says okay walks over to the High School and breaks it off with Jessica. My mind is reeling. Everything is happening way to fast and I know that it's only going to get worse before it gets better. Just in time, Marian's mom drives up and they leave. Then of course, Jessica walks over and asks for a ride and asks what the real reason Marian broke up with her is. I tell her I don't know that she just said she wasn't happy and after about 15 min of silence I ask if she'd be pissed if I went for Marian. She says no, that she figured as much and gives me this go to hell look when I drop her off but she did swallow her pride enough to give me a hug before I left. I go home and get some much needed sleep and I see Marian the next day at school. I'm kind of scared that it was all a dream so I act like nothing's different and say hi. She grabs my hand and puts it around her waist and we walk like that down the hall to her next class. Okay so it wasn't a dream. And with that we pretty much became the controversy of our school. Everyone thinks I'm a bitch, she's a whore, and Stuart's still the new freaky guy making his rounds, but it's fun as hell. That is until we see Jessica and both get a reality check and a flood of guilt. We drop each others hands like a disease when we see her. We know she said it's okay, but it still feels wrong. Stuart comes walking up and now I have them on either side of me. It feels really weird to be with two people, but whatever. I'll have fun with it. I still haven't kissed either one of them, but for some reason I want Marian to be the first. I'm thinking she's waited long enough and by the end of the day she gets tired of waiting and starts making out with me outside of her IPC class. She's totally becoming the girl of my dreams. You know that intense once in a lifetime love that parades you around like your the shit and has the balls to make out with you in school not caring who sees, the one you don't care if it lasts 5 years or 5 minutes just as long as you get the chance to just say you've had everything you wanted in your life at least once for 5 minutes. Her lips were so soft and amazing I felt like I could just fucking melt into her. She made my head spin, she made my knees weak. She pulled away and asked me if I kicked myself yesterday. I said yes many times but it would've been a lot more if I'd known what I was missing. So, I had just left school for the day. Stuart decided to skip the rest of the day and come with me. So, we're at my house and he wants to go lay down, so he convinces me to lay down with him. We're just lying there and he's holding me and we end up making out. All I could think about the whole time is I wish I were kissing Marian. It's crazy. I really like her. Two days ago, I didn't even want to know her as a friend. We only have half an hour until I have to go back and pick up Marian, so that cute little moment fortunately got cut short. So, we're back at the school talking to Marian and Jordyn and Marian wants us to stop by her (/Jordyn's house because she's still grounded)

house later. I end up taking Jessica home again and Marian decides to make the situation more uncomfortable by leaning up to the front and kissing me. It kinda pissed me off and I told her as soon as Jessica left no more making out in front of her. We drop Marian off and I head back to Stuart's to hang out before we go over to Marian's. He talks me into making a weed run. Let me clear this up. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have touched the shit. I was such a straight-edger I probably would've went home when he suggested it. But, last year I started getting curious about it and I was trying to talk my friend Kristy into getting some, so I could try it. Jennifer talked me out of it. She's been clean for two years and told me it's not something I need to try that I was cool enough without it. So, I didn't. Then, last week I ended up at Stuart and Westley's doing the shit. I loved it. I didn't care what it could cost me. I didn't care about the friends I would lose, what it could do to me physically. Whatever. Originally, I only planned on doing it for a week and then quitting. Now, I wanted the shit everyday. It was bad. But, we made the run anyways and we're back at his house smoking. I don't know why, but I felt like I should save Marian some. (She's already given up the quitting thing, so no I don't feel like a hypocrite.) So, I save her some and we go over there. We get to Jordyn's and she says we just missed her. Her mom came and got her and reminded her she's grounded from Jordyn's house too. Just then Marian walks out and starts freaking out that we're here because she supposedly looks ugly. I'm not seeing it and neither is Stuart but oh well. She says I can stay if I go drop off Stuart. She can have girls come over but not guys. So, I drop him off and come back. We go into the RV. She lives in a trailer house but sleeps in the RV. I show her what I brought and we smoke it right there. We're just talking and her mom comes outside and calls her into the house. We spray ourselves down and she wants me to come inside and meet her mom and step-dad. I walk in and talk to them for a few minutes. Her mom's hilarious. (Back off, I know everything's supposed to be funny right now, but even if I was sober she'd still be funny.) She's telling me all these stories and we're all just laughing and Marian persuades her mom to let her come with me to Jack-In-The-Box. We're in the truck laughing and Marian tells me her mom really likes me. I must've made a good impression because had I been anyone else her mom wouldn't have let her come with me. We stop by my house and tell my dad and find the "lovely" surprise Amy has left for us in the bathroom. She had a nose bleed and decided to paint with the blood in our bathroom sink. Dad said he's gonna kick her ass (jokingly) next time he sees her. I go to clean it up and Dad starts trying to get to know Marian. She gets

uncomfortable and comes in the bathroom to help me. We leave and I'm dying laughing because we just played off being stoned in front of her mom and my dad. We get to Jack-In-The-Box and Marian starts hitting on the black chick in drive-thru. It was hilarious. She asked if Marian was okay and what she's been smoking. I told her she's a little incapacitated and we go back to Marian's after she hands us our food. It's the most fun I've had in a while. I stay a few more minutes and say goodbye because I have to be back by 10. We walk behind the RV and she kisses me good night. I want to just grab her and jump her bones, but I let her go and save that for next time. I get home and Stuart calls the next day and asks if I want to go riding around I say sure and run it by my dad. He says it's fine. So, we're driving around it's pretty late at night and we see this white truck in the turning lane and it looks like it's going to pull out so i move over another lane further away from it, the truck pulls out and keeps coming further over in the lane. I slam on my brakes, swerve to the right and hit a telephone pole. I look up to see something fall on my hood, sparks are flying everywhere and I realize we're right by a gas station. Stuart's freaking out and so am I, but I snapped out of it pretty quick with the thought of the truck catching on fire. "Stuart, we've got to get the fuck out of this truck before it catches on fire!" He snapped out of it and we take off running toward the nearest store. We look back to inspect the damage. The grill is smashed completely into the radiator. "Fuck!" I lose it. I'm so pissed because my truck is fucked up and those drunk assholes didn't even stop to see if we were okay. I'm shaking and Stuart comes over and tries to comfort me. I push him away because all I can think is I really want Marian to be here holding me. I feel bad because I'm starting to realize this 3-way thing isn't going to work.