Hi, my name is Jaxsper Finn. I am 15 years old, and I am I spending the summer with the band Hanson. It's all part of MTV's new season of The Real World, only this time MTV has chosen slightly younger teens, like myself, to live with the band Hanson in a Malibu beach house in California. (This story is complete fiction, but I would give anything for it to come true. If you are offended by stories and talk of this nature, then why are you reading this?)
THE REAL WORLD HANSON - Part 5
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
"Do you think we'll ever leave this bed?" Taylor sighed.
"Nope. I say we stay right here. Like John Lennon and Yoko, we'll do everything from bed. You can record CD's and act in the videos, all from right here."
Taylor and I snuggled closer in the bed of the trailer we stayed in last night. The trailer was parked at the soundstage Hanson was using for their music video. The crew would be back, but they had a late afternoon call time. Ike and Zac would probably stay home, but they needed Taylor for some additional footage for the video. It was Ike's idea to focus more on Taylor, since he was the one their fans seemed to like most.
We were still hungry. I was about to suggest that we sneak out to find some breakfast when Taylor's cell phone rang. He figured it was Isaac, just checking up on him. Instead he got a surprise.
"It's Thomas Barnacle from Mercury," Taylor told me. "He says he needs to see us right away. He's sending a car for me. Weird, huh?"
"Yeah," I said. "Who's he?"
Taylor told me he was the vice president of their record label. He didn't seem worried though. He was probably just calling the band in before they filmed the rest of the video to wish them luck. Maybe he would ask them how things were coming along on their album. Taylor was sort of surprised that Mr. Barnacle hadn't contacted them earlier, since they were staying in Los Angeles. That's where Mr. Barnacle's office is.
Taylor and I walked into the huge outer office of Mr. Barnacle's suite at Mercury. I tagged along, since I didn't want to wait at the empty stage all morning. His secretary greeted us and asked Taylor to wait for a few minutes. We noticed that Taylor's brothers hadn't been called in. Before long, Mr. Barnacle came out see Tay.
"Hello, Taylor. Could you come into my office, please. We have a serious matter to discuss. You too, Mr....ummm Blankenfinch."
I was sort of surprised that he knew my name. Of course, he did have to refer to a piece of paper to remind him. I said, "I umm, prefer to be called Mr. Finn, sir, or Jaxsper." He just motioned me into his office. Have you ever had the feeling you were being summoned into the principal's office? Something about the way he acted made the butterflies swirl in my stomach.
His office was huge. An enormous cherrywood desk, with about 10 video monitors behind him. A full playback and mixing machine over in the corner. He was defiantly in charge of the talent over at Mercury Records. You could see that he was a "take charge" kind of guy. I sat down nervously in one chair, Taylor in another chair beside me.
"This is a very serious matter. I received the following tape this morning from my contacts at MTV," he said.
Mr. Barnacle hit the play button on his remote, and the screens behind him were filled with the images of Taylor and I kissing and eating ice cream off each other's faces. I was mortified. Mr. Barnacle didn't bother to turn around, he just let the tape play on the screens behind him for a few minutes.
I didn't know what to say. The tape! The tape that Taylor wanted me to remind him to erase last night! We were both so tired, and we didn't even return to the house! I could feel my face burning with shame, Taylor squirmed in his chair.
Mr. Barnacle paused the tape. The image of Taylor slurping ice cream from my index finger suggestively. Normally, seeing that would have turned me on, instead it made me more nervous. Barnacle said, "And it continues from there, quite graphically I'm afraid. As I've said this is a very serious matter. MTV has always had a sort of liberal...almost supportive stance on homosexuals. They want to air the tape." They couldn't! My first thoughts were very selfish, I'm embarrassed to say. Images of the scandal flashed through my mind. What would my Mom say? What would the kids at school do? Then I looked over at Taylor, and I thought about how my personal shame would be so much more of a public one for him.
"Mr. Barnacle," Taylor said, "I don't know what to say, but I won't apologize for the way I am, or who I love. It's true. Jaxsper and I are on that tape, and it's true that I love him. Maybe we used bad judgment and we shouldn't have let it be filmed, but I don't know what I can do about it now."
"I've already taken care of it," he said. "I had to call in many favors over at the MTV offices I'll have you know, Mr. Hanson, but I managed to squelch that tape. This is the only copy. They have agreed not to air it or investigate your.....sexual persuasion further, for now."
I must say, Taylor handled this much better than I. Maybe he's more used to dealing with adults or maybe it's because he is a star and is able to put forth his demands better. He didn't waiver though, he told Mr. Barnacle he wasn't embarrassed about loving me. I managed to defiantly croak that I loved him too. It was the first time I had said that I loved a boy to anyone other than Taylor, but saying the words out loud empowered me.
"It goes beyond simple childish exploration, boys" Barnacle said in a condescending tone. "We're talking about business here. Your target audience, Mr. Hanson, is teenage girls. They scream for you. They will rush out and buy whatever we stamp your face on. This is a multi- million dollar business here. That's why we've always instructed you and your brothers to not discuss whether or not you have girlfriends. We tell that to all of our clients. It keeps the girls interested in you. I don't believe that any girl would still want to buy your merchandise if they knew that you were.....the way you are."
"I'm not going to deny it, or hide it. I've found the person I want to be with. I can't help the way I feel, Mr. Barnacle. Sure, I don't want to have it spread all over the papers, but it's no one's business who I love, is it?"
"You're not listening to me young man! That's exactly what we are talking about, business. It's my business, it's my company's business. This MTV production will be over with in eleven days. Then you will be back to doing what makes you and my company money. You will be promoting your new single, appearing on talk shows, showing your music video. Think of the loss in business. All any reporter will want to talk about is your homosexuality. Your fan base will drop away. They're already moving on and buying the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync records. This scandal will ruin you."
"If they are our true fans, they will stay. If they want me to be happy, they will support me. They won't care if I like guys or if I like girls."
"I care. As I have said, Mr. Hanson, this is a multi- million dollar business. MTV has said that they will keep quiet on this matter, for fear of me pulling all my artists from their channel, but they won't keep quiet if you keep flaunting it. Wise up, young man. Stop playing around. This is business."
Mr. Barnacle pulled out a thick collection of papers from a file folder on his desk. He set it down in front of Taylor.
"I also refer you to your record contract, Mr. Hanson. The one you, your brothers and your parents signed. It contains, among other things, a 'morality clause.' It's actually quite standard in most entertainment contracts. Basically, it states that you will behave in a moral way. It protects companies when their talent become drug addicts or commit crimes, become involved in scandals, things of that nature. What you're committing isn't a crime but it could be viewed as immoral. I'm prepared to enforce this clause of your contract, Mr. Hanson. Flaunt your 'behavior' on national television, and you will cost Mercury money. We are prepared to break your contract, end your career and sue you and your family for this loss of revenue. You all signed the contract after all."
I felt so impotent at that moment. This man was bullying and threatening Taylor, and there was nothing I could do about it. Taylor lunged forward, pointing his finger, ready to fight back, then stopped. He fell back in his chair defeated. Taylor's eyes shined as he held back tears. He was shaking. I reached over to comfort him.
"That's exactly the behavior I'm talking about, boys," Barnacle said, pointing to me. "What will the public say when they see you like that? Enough of this, though. Isn't it about time for you to be back at the stage, Taylor? We have an entire film crew waiting there for you. Mr. Blankenfinch I think it would be best if you returned home. A video set is not a playground."
He didn't even rise from his desk. I helped Taylor stand. He leaned against my chest as I half carried him to the door.
Barnacle said, "I've given you boys a lot to think about. Do so. Think before you act. As I have said, I can only do you the favor of keeping this quiet once. Don't force either of us to do anything rash. Good day, boys."
He pushed a button on his desk and spoke to his secretary over the intercom. "Please arrange for transportation to take Mr. Hanson back to the set, and Mr. Blankenfinch back to the house. Oh, and get Mr. Kimball on the phone. He's supposed to be watching over these kids."
I walked with Taylor to the elevator. I felt his dull weight against me as he leaned against my chest. I stroked his long, blond hair slightly. I would have given anything to see his smile again at that moment.
"It'll be ok. We'll figure something out," he said. I wasn't sure if he was saying it to me or to himself.
I heard him silently sob once as the elevator doors closed.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
I rode back to the house in silence. There had to be some way around this! There just had to be. I stared out of the car's window and watched the houses stream by. I thought of Taylor and wondered what he was thinking right now. I felt so sorry for him. You know what the worst part is? It's moments like this, when I was sad or felt all alone, that I would have turned to Taylor, but that was exactly what was causing this problem. I wasn't sure what to do.
The car service dropped me off back at the MTV house. I walked in and saw Zac and Toby watching TV. Zac told me that Ike was back over at the video shoot. He wasn't too happy about the way Taylor seemed distracted yesterday, and wanted to make sure he paid attention today. They called me in to watch TV with them but I wasn't in the mood to be around people. Instead I decided to go outside and sit by the pool. I dropped my backpack on the floor, spilling some of the contents out. Ugh, I just couldn't win today! I stepped out to the back and into the hot, humid air to think. ______________________________
"What's eating him?" Toby asked Zac after Jax was outside.
"Probably Taylor," Zac giggled. "Oh, you mean what's wrong with him? Maybe a lover's quarrel or something. Look, Crackerjacks!" Zac ran over to grab a couple of the boxes of Crackerjacks that spilled out of Jaxsper's backpack.
It had to be one of the hottest days of the summer. Zac and Toby tried to wear as few clothes as possible in order to stay cool. Zac padded around in cut off jean shorts and a t-shirt, and Toby was clad in nylon soccer shorts and a tight tank top. It was sort of a torture for Toby to see Zac dressed like that, especially when Zac bent over to retrieve the boxes of Crackerjacks from the floor. Toby was starting to really like Zac, maybe more than just as a friend. He secretly hoped that Zac felt the same way and that all the teasing Zac was doing was just to make Toby beg for him.
"Want some?" Zac said, raising an eyebrow. "Here catch." He tossed his friend a box.
Try as they may, there was no acceptable position where they could both take full advantage of the air conditioning blowing overhead. One large vent was just above the couch. They sat closely together underneath it, trying hard just to cool off.
Zac told Toby to watch and he flung three or four pieces of the caramel corn into the air. He caught them all in his mouth. He told Toby to try. The boy took a bit more than his hand could hold and as he lifted it, the kernels spilled out and all over his chest.
"Hey, dude! Are you going to eat that popcorn or are you just going to wear it?" Zac smiled.
Zac reached over and picked up a fallen kernel, lying on Toby's slightly sweaty tummy and threw it at his friend's face. Toby opened his mouth wide in anticipation, but the popcorn bounced off his forehead and was lost somewhere behind the couch.
Toby laughed and said, "Now it's my turn. I don't reckon I'll miss cause your mouth is such a huge target, mate."
He giggled and took a nice handful of the Crackerjacks popcorn and threw the whole thing at Zac. That was it. All Hell broke loose as Crackerjacks were thrown everywhere. The boys wrestled for a minute and tried to shove the snack into the each other's closed mouth.
"Eat it, slave!" Zac yelled.
"Never!" retaliated Toby.
Soon, all their ammunition was scattered on the floor or hiding behind the couch. The boys, sweaty and panting to catch their breath, settled back down on the couch to watch more television.
Toby stole a glance over at Zac's sultry face. His hair disheveled from the wrestling, his eyes wide and shiny, his face flush with exertion. Toby secretly longing to feel skin on skin, to smell the delicious smell of his body, aching to run his fingers through his friend's hair. Zac didn't seem to notice.
Slowly and deliberately Toby slid his hand onto Zac's. He didn't pull away.
It caused an unexpected quickening of Zac's pulse. Zac turned slowly and saw that Toby was watching for his reaction. When Toby saw that look of desire pass quickly over Zac's face, Toby gently drew his hand along the length of Zac's arm. He was almost sure that he felt a shudder as Zac's body reacted to this forbidden treat. Their eyes met, and they stared at each other, shutting out all other details and surroundings.
"Zac do you want to.... you know?" he thrust his hips into the air to illustrate what he wanted.
"Yeah, I would like to ....you know," Zac said, mimicking his friend's actions.
They quickly ran upstairs.
"Wait," Toby said once they had made it to their room. "Jaxsper's here. What if he, you know, catches us or something?"
"It's ok, dude. I just locked the door. He didn't look like he was up for any fun anyway. He just went outside." Zac went over to the window and looked out into the backyard. "There he is now, just sitting by the pool."
"How can he stand to be out there, Zac? It's so hot!" Toby said.
"You know what, Tobe? I've got a way to cheer him up and make it even hotter for him. Come over here by the window."
Toby's mouth dropped open and said, "What? You're kidding me right? You want him to see us?"
"Don't worry about it, dude. I think he likes guys, right? Here's a way to test to be sure. It'll be fun for us but it's even better for someone like Jaxsper. Let's give him a real show." Zac smiled broadly.
Toby said, "What do you think I should do."
"Let's flip a coin and see which one of us gets to show him our stuff. Ready? Call it." Zac fished a quarter out of his pocket and tossed it into the air.
Toby called tails and lost. Zac told him to do everything he said. Toby could start by climbing up onto Zac's bed, which sat right by the window.
Zac led Toby by the hand over to the window. Toby wasn't sure if he wanted anyone to see what he was up to, but he did know that he wanted to be with Zac now. His erection got the better of him. He climbed onto Zac's bed and knelt down with his side facing the open window. Zac laid down on the bed next to him, just out of eyesight. The windows was large enough, so Zac was sure it would give Jaxsper a nice view of Toby.
"Start by rubbing yourself, dude. Make it really sexy for Jaxsper. Mmmm, yeah rub that chest of yours, put on a good show. Do you think he's watching? Don't look, ok? Now, slide your shirt up over your head."
Toby said, "Hey, I'm not doing this alone. I'm only going to do it if you are."
Zac told him that it was a good idea. If that's what Toby wanted, then he should mimic every move that Zac made, except Toby would be doing it in front of the open window.
Toby followed Zac's lead and let his long thin fingers slide down his chest to cup his crotch. Zac pumped the air a few times while grabbing it, and Toby did the same
Toby said, "He's down there watching right now. I think I can see him looking my way out of the corner of my eye.
Zac pulled his shirt off over his head and told Toby to do the same. He then said, "You're doing fine rubbing that bulge of yours. Now slide those shorts down real slow."
Zac liked being able lay back and direct Toby's less than private strip show, and he liked showing off his friend to the boy watching down below. Toby willingly followed Zac's commands. Zac saw the bright white cotton of Toby's underwear peek out as his friend pulled the shiny soccer shorts off; his cock pushing against the fabric. Zac immediately unbuttoned and unzipped his own jean shorts, his cock throbbed in the confines of his boxers.
"That looks so cool, Toby. Now cup your balls in one hand and run your fingertips over your cock with the other. Ungh, man I hope Jax likes this. I know I do." Zac's white face grew flush with lust as he rubbed his cock and watched his friend, kneeling above him, doing the same
Toby closed his eyes tightly and tilted his head back, savoring the naughtiness of being on display for his best friend and the audience below
"Keep going, Toby. Feel that cock and hold those balls of yours," Zac directed. "Run those fingers up and down your dick. Do it! Yeah, that's it. Now, stick your finger through the fly and touch yourself."
Toby wiggled his finger through the "y" front of his briefs and felt the hot, throbbing cock inside. He pushed his hand in further so that he could grasp the shaft and gently jack his dick.
"You look so hot, Toby. Now, let's give him a real show. Pull those tightie whities off!"
Toby stopped for a second. This was it. Sure, Zac had seen his wank a few times, but he wasn't sure about just displaying it like this. A little persistent prodding by Zac helped, and Toby was sure he would follow any order given. He watched the boy laying below him tug down his boxers to show Toby how hard he was. Toby felt as if he was on the verge of cumming as he slid the briefs down his muscled thighs.
"Run your hands all over your body, just like me Toby. Turn around a little so your little ass is right in the window. I bet he's cumming now!" Zac said.
Toby turned his backside to the window, and then around again to face it, giving Jax a quick look at his naked front. He was careful and pretended as if he didn't know Jaxsper was there. Then turned sideways again and peeked to the side and saw Jaxsper staring intently up at the window. He told Zac that Jaxsper looked close to cumming, but Zac should lean up and see for himself, after all two would be a better show than one. Zac considered it for a minute and then decided to do it. He was like that, impulsive and always up for a good time. Besides, it would sure cheer Jax up he thought.
Zac rose, displaying himself for his audience and knelt facing Toby. He reached out and started to run his hands over Toby's chest, causing Toby's breathing to quicken. Toby tried to mirror his friend's every action. Their two hard dicks throbbed before them, almost touching.
The boys grew braver and let their hands dance down to the each other's dicks. Zac tenderly reached out and grasped at his friend's penis with is right hand. Zac rolled the foreskin of Toby's uncircumcised penis back and forth over Toby's cock head.
"Wow, Toby, you're starting to cream! It's so warm!" Zac exclaimed. He scooped up a bit of it with his finger and brought it slowly to his lips, tasting the clear precum. Toby's eyes grew saucer size with amazement. "Not bad, Toby," he said. "I just wanted to see what it tasted like."
Toby's hands grasped Zac's cock and milked it for a second. He let his finger's play through Zac's precum, causing Zac to groan loudly. Toby lifted his fingertips to his mouth, and reached out to them with the tip of his tongue. It tasted sweet to him. He said, " I reckon this sort of makes us like blood brothers, or something, huh Zac?"
"More like jizz brothers I would say."
Zac shoved his hips forward a bit, knocking his cockhead against Toby's.
He said to Toby, "Now, let's do something that will really turn him on down there. Remember the first time, when we were on the train? You came over and rubbed your cock against mine. Toby, that felt so good. Could we do that again, please?"
It was an offer that Toby couldn't refuse. Zac reached behind Toby to grasp his naked ass and pulled him forward. The two walked on their knees, looking into each other's eyes. They wrapped their arms around each other and rubbed their drooling dicks together.
Toby was in Heaven! This was what he had been aching for all morning. He forgot all about Jaxsper down below. He savored the feeling of Zac's cock rubbing and bumping against his own. Toby kneaded and squeezed the cheeks of Zac's ass, trying to pull him closer.
Zac breathed hard into Toby's ear, and his head rested on his friend's shoulder. "Tobe, I'm so close. I'm going to cum any second. Toby, look at me."
Toby did as instructed and looked at Zac. Zac brushed his puffy, pink lips over Toby's kissing him slightly just as Toby had done on their train ride. Toby's heart skipped a beat with joy. Maybe Zac could feel the same as he did. Toby licked his lips after Zac's stolen kiss, savoring the lingering taste of his best friend.
Zac hugged him closer and groaned, "Toby, I feel it coming. It's starting to cum, dude! I'm squirting. Here goes."
Toby could feel the spasming of Zac's dick against his. It pushed him over the edge. He clung to Zac, trying to steady himself, his knees buckling a bit. It wasn't enough though, Toby lost his balance and fell to his side, pulling Zac over with him, and out of the veiw from the window.
Zac peeled himself away from his friend, their mixture of cum forming a glue between them, and pulling to make sticky strings which remained attached to them.
"Well, that ought to keep him happy till tomorrow," Zac said. "Thanks Toby!"
I watched the boys from down by the pool, dumbfounded. God, that was hot! Toby and Zac looked incredible. I sort of wished I could run up the stairs and joined them. The events of the last few days kept replaying in my head.
I could hear Mr. Barnacle's voice intoning, "Wise up, young man. Stop playing around. This is business. Think before you act. I can only do you the favor of keeping this quiet once. Don't force either of us to do anything rash."
I thought of Ike reminding Taylor of how much money was being spent on the video and when he told us, "I'm not saying that you are gonna make Zac, you know, like you are but still maybe it would be best if he wasn't exposed to stuff like that." And, I thought of how Mr. Barnacle almost said that Taylor wasn't like this before he met me.
I knew then what I had to do. It would be the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I would talk to Taylor as soon as he got home.
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
"Now I don't have nobody and I was such a fool on the day, the day...."
I woke up alone again. Well, I guess that's actually typical, I always wake up alone. Taylor gets up before I do every morning, but today was different. I was asleep on the couch. I'm not really sure if I stayed out there waiting for him to get home, or trying to avoid being in bed with him. Either way, as I said, I woke up alone.
It was still pretty early. I lay there on that big, uncomfortable couch trying hard to go back to sleep but the oppressive summer heat continued, and my brain was in overdrive.
My mind kept going over the events of the last two days. I had told Taylor that I loved him. I had also told Mr. Barnacle at Mercury that I loved Taylor. Barnacle said that it was wrong, and that it would ruin Taylor and maybe get his family sued.
I wandered up the stairs and saw Taylor still asleep. He must have gotten home pretty late and the video shoot must have exhausted him. I stood in the doorway and looked at him lying there in his boxers. He slept fitfully, rolling from side to side. His lithe form fighting something in his sleep. His muscles strained on his chest and his back, and his sweaty hair stuck to his head, even a bit of saliva dribbled from his full lips. To me though, he was beautiful.
My heart raced when I saw him. This was the guy who would risk everything to be with me. In my heart I saw him for what he truly was, not the sweaty skinny boy laying there, but a beautiful angel. A smaller boy who needed my protection. Just as I had promised to always be there when he had trouble sleeping and to protect him, I knew that I had to protect him now. Even though my heart swelled with emotion upon seeing my lover, my eyes welled with tears.
I had to get out of here and think. I dressed quickly, left the house and went for a walk.
The summer humidity was incredible. I wandered for hours in it. Eventually, I found a restaurant and got something to eat. I called my mom back home, just glad to hear her voice. She asked me if anything was wrong. She said that I sounded different. I told her it was nothing. I stayed there for a long time, even made a couple more phone calls. It was about 3:00 when I decided to return home.
The humidity was broken by a summer rainstorm. The rain was not incredibly strong, but at least it decreased some of the pressure in the air and let you breath again. Lightning and thunder could be heard in the background. I left without a jacket or umbrella. Who knew that it was going to rain in the middle of summer? I stepped through the door soaking wet.
"Jax, where have you been?" Taylor asked me as he ran over to hug me. I tensed up when I felt his embrace.
"Taylor," I said, "I don't know how I feel right now...."
He replied, "Take it from me, Jax, you feel great" He hugged me again and looked down at his chest. It was wet from hugging me. "Well a little wet but still great. Jax, I've been thinking......."
I interrupted, "Taylor we have to talk. I've been thinking too, and what we 're doing is getting too dangerous. It started out with just you and I playing around, then we told Ike and he caught us kissing. Then.... I don't know, you and I were teasing each other in front of an entire music video crew and making out in front of a camera back here at home! I can't control myself around you. We should have known that it was only a matter of time before we got caught."
"I love you, Jax and I know that you love me too. I can't control myself around you either."
I said, "I know. That's why I think I'm going to leave. I can't stay here. If I do, someone will find out. Like Mr. Barnacle said, if they do find out it will ruin your career."
"I told him and you that I don't care about my music career. Ike, Zac and I...we've had a good run. We've released double platinum albums, we've toured the world. I'm done, Jax. I'm happy just spending time with you."
"Taylor, what we're doing here this MTV thing, it's over in a little bit more than a week. Then, I'll have to go back home, and you will too. It goes beyond that though. I can't have you stop making music. I know how much you love it. I know that you don't always like the craziness it brings, but I also know that you love the enthusiasm of playing your music in front of people."
Taylor and I could hear other people stirring in the house. We heard Zac yell as thunder rattled the windows. I told Taylor of how I saw Zac and Toby yesterday. I said that maybe Barnacle was right. Maybe somehow I was a bad influence on Taylor and Zac. Maybe it was something that I was doing, since Taylor had never really acted like this before. Taylor said it was simply because he had never met anyone before like me.
We went up to our room to continue talking in private. Taylor sat down on the bed. I shut the door but remained a distance from Taylor, standing near the doorway.
"Jaxsper, stay. Stay this week. We can call my dad. He'll think of something."
"There's nothing anyone can do. I'm not going to be the guy who ruins you, Taylor. I'm not going to be the one who gets you and your family sued, who takes away the music you love. I love you to much to do that. I've talked to Mr. Barnacle. He said that he thinks it is probably a good idea that I go. I've also stopped by Mr. Kimball's next door. He said that if that's what I truly want, as our social worker he would help arrange for me to get a flight back home. It will take a couple of days to get everything in order with MTV's filming schedule. We have to make it look like I just left for no real reason."
"So that's it? There's nothing I can do to make you stay?" Taylor asked as he stood from the bed and approached me.
I backed away and said, "There is something you can do. Tell me you don't love me. Tell me that you don't want to be with me. Tell me that I won't want to grab you and kiss you every time I'm alone with you. Go on, tell me. If you can I'll stay."
Taylor didn't say anything. He slumped back down onto the bed, looking away from me.
His eyes darted around, searching for answers that would never come. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of the cameras set up to film us, discretely mounted in the corner of our room. He looked directly into the camera and yelled, "Did you get all of that? Are you happy now? Do you realize what you've done?"
I told him that it would be a couple of days before I left. That I still wanted to spend time with him, but that it would be best if we were not alone in the same room together. I begged him not to be mad at me, that this was the only way I could think of to protect him.
I opened the door and left the room. I didn't want Taylor to see me like this upset and I just couldn't face him right now. I passed Zac as I walked through the hall. He gave me a strange, almost sympathetic look I thought, but I dismissed it. He couldn't really be looking like that. How could he know the way I felt? This was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I hoped that Taylor would forgive me.
"Now it's done, and it's over, and I am all alone on the day.... that I left Taylor. My Taylor"
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
"...If I should stay, I would only be in your way. So, I'll go, but I know I 'll think of you every step of the way. And, I will always love you..."
Ugh, will someone please tell me why when you're all alone, and you think that your heart is going to break inside of you, why then does the radio decide to play the saddest song ever?
I sat in the living room alone, clicking channels on the TV and listening to the radio at the same time. Anything to distract me from what had happened. The seven of us had just finished dinner together and Ike, Tay and the girls went out.
It had been two days since I told Taylor that I was leaving. We still saw each other at mealtimes and sometimes in the morning, but his schedule was pretty hectic. There were plenty of appointments for interviews and photo shoots for the new single. It was about a week or so before the single for "Cried" was scheduled to be released. Plus, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but I think that Mr. Barnacle at Mercury was deliberately keeping Taylor's schedule packed! A few times, Brittany went with him. I sort of insisted she go. I thought that maybe some female companionship would help Taylor's "problem." It hurt me to see her with him, though. She liked to touch him and hang on him every chance she got.
"...We both know, I'm not what you need...."
I couldn't take it anymore. I reached up to turn the radio off. That's when I saw it. The tattoo. That stupid tattoo. That....... beautiful tattoo that Taylor gave me before all this mess started. The words tattooed on my hand stared up at me. "Be Mine" I couldn't bring myself to wash it off.
I was staring so intently at my hand, I didn't hear someone enter the room.
"Another hot one today, huh? A pretty lame comment, I guess, but somebody had to say something."
I looked up to see Zac standing there. I guess he stayed behind.
"Sorry," he said, "Didn't mean to interrupt your whole `staring at your hand thing' I've notice you do that alot. Whatcha watching on TV?"
He jumped over and landed with a flump on the couch next to me, his hair whipping around his head as he did so. Zac turned the radio off and grabbed the remote. He surfed around the channels for a bit.
"So," Zac said, "How long are we going to sit here and pretend that nothing is going on?"
That's Zac, I guess. He always seems to know what's happening and he has no problem saying it. I tried to act as though I didn't know what he was talking about but he would have none of it.
"You love Taylor, right? Admit it. I know you do."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was so direct! After more cross examination from the boy, I had to admit it to him. I loved Taylor and that he loved me. I told Zac about how Tay and I were called into the Mercury offices and how Mr. Barnacle basically told us to cool it. I told Zac about how Taylor and I were forced to break up and how I would be leaving tomorrow night.
Zac spoke as he continued changing channels on the television. "Barnacle's always been like that. That guy's got a major broom up his ass. I can't believe you guys let yourselves get caught on tape like that!"
I told Zac about how I had seen what he and Toby were doing in their room a few days ago and I warned him to get caught himself. I was careful in the way I told him, I didn't want to embarrass him or anything. Zac didn't seem phased though. He laughed and told me there was no way he would do anything as dumb as get caught like Taylor. He was the smart one in the family.
It felt good to actually talk out this situation like this. Before now, I didn't know who to talk to. It wasn't like I could discuss this with my Mom or anything, and it was too hurt too much to talk to Taylor. It was as if I was on a desert island all this time, and finally I realized I wasn't alone. Zac had a way of really facing a situation head on.
"Jaxsper, do you think some guys are really gay or just maybe going through a phase?"
"I don't know," I answered. "I sure didn't know I was gay before I came here. No, that's not true. I always kind of suspected it but I never admitted it to myself before meeting Taylor. I guess some people are and just don't know yet. It's sort of all my fault, I guess. I tried so hard to keep it inside. I didn't want you guys to know about me but when I got here, when I saw Taylor, I couldn't help it. I tried not to make him gay like me but I guess I did."
"What are you talking about," Zac said confused. He turned off the television and faced me. "You didn't make Taylor gay!"
"Yes I did. It's my fault! I must have turned him gay," I said. "Mr. Barnacle said that he never acted like this before meeting me, and Taylor told me he never had a boyfriend or anything before. It's my fault. The first night I was here, I kept staring at him and I even climbed into bed with him. He was having some bad dream but I didn't care I just hugged him tight and told him that I would be there. I pranced around in front of him and kept staring at him and teasing him. I kept trying to hold back the way I felt but it got worse and worse. I laid in bed next to him ever night. I made him take me on a date. It probably even rubbed off on you and Toby. I'm like a pervert I guess. I suck!"
Zac reached over and grabbed my wrist with all of his might and forced me to look at him. The air was so full of tension that neither of us noticed Toby starting to walk into the room.
"You couldn't have turned Taylor gay, Jax. Don't be silly," Zac spoke so reassuringly. Not the loud, wild kid that he acted like but more self-assured and comforting. "You haven't lived with him for years like I have. He's tried before to get up the courage to talk to guys that he never could. It's hard enough for a guy to go up to a girl and tell her that he likes her. I can only imagine how difficult it is for a guy to go up to some other guy. I say if you love someone, you just say it. You didn't do anything to Taylor, Jax. The only thing you forced him to do is to try to be himself. And as far as I go, Toby and I are just friends. That's all. We're two guys who are playing around. We're nothing like you and Taylor."
Toby turned and left the room.
"Really? Do you mean it? Did Taylor really always like guys?"
Zac answered, "Well, if you ask him, I think he would say `no' but I know that he's always checking them out. As long as I can remember, Taylor has been 100% faggot."
We both laughed. Zac looked down. He was still clutching my wrists tightly. He let go of them and said jokingly, "Here, you can have your hands back now. I know how guys like you are, and I wouldn't want you to think I was trying to pull something. Not that you wouldn't mind my.....pulling something I bet. Just kidding Jax. I think you're pretty cool too, even if you are a faggot."
I know that Zac was just joking but it really helped. I love how he was so direct about it. He made me feel like I could be open about the way I felt, and it made me feel so much more relaxed. He also made me feel less guilty about what had happened. I told him that it didn't solve the problem that Tay and I had. I still had to leave, but talking to him sure helped. We sat there for a long while. Zac turned the television back on, but soon he stood up. Zac said he was going to find Toby.
"Hey, Jax," he asked, stopping in the doorway, "What kind of stuff did you and Taylor do?"
I blushed and told him that it was none of his business. He asked me if we had ever sucked each other. I told him that we had. Zac also asked me what it felt like, he said he had been thinking about that for a long time. I told him that if you did it with a person you loved, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. We heard Taylor and the group come back in. Zac left to catch up with Toby.
Taylor walked into the room to talk to me
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
"Hey, Jax," Taylor said. "Good to finally see you again."
We had just seen each other at dinner but I knew what he meant. Sometimes, we could hardly look at each other. Tay sat down a safe distance from me and watched TV.
Finally I broke the silence in the room.
"Taylor, don't think that I don't know," I said.
"Don't know what, Jaxsper?"
"Don't know how unfair this all seems to you . All of it. I do know, but I feel that this is right. We've done the right thing. We're still doing the right thing."
Taylor slid over closer to me on the couch.
"Yeah, we're doing the right thing," he said, "But that still doesn't help things. You're leaving tomorrow night, Jax. I might not ever see you again."
There were no words to describe what we felt or help the situation. We turned back and continued watching the movie on TV. I don't know when I noticed it but, sometime during the movie, Taylor's hand had found mine and we were holding each other. Our fingers tracing little circles on each other's hand. It was such a simple move and seemed so routine to us. Still, that was the root of our problem.
"Taylor, we can't do this" I said. Taylor took his hand away from me. I've got to be honest with you though, Tay. I'm having a really hard time with this. There's part of me that still wants to be with you. There's part of me that still wants to find that little spot on your neck."
"What spot?" he asked.
"That little spot right below your hairline. That spot that I like to leave little angle kisses on. Oh, and that spot near your belly button. I loved to give you little baby kisses there. And that other place where I...... Wait! What am I doing?"
We both laughed. It was all we could do.
"Jax," Taylor asked, "Since this is your last night and all...... Well, you know how hard it is for me to sleep alone? I haven't had a good night's sleep since you moved out. I tried bunking with Toby and Zac one night but you know, I don't think they ever actually go to sleep. They just take little naps, then they're up playing video games or wrestling. If I promise to be really good, could I stay with you for the rest of the night?"
I told him that I would love it if he did. We would sleep on the couch, that way we wouldn't be tempted.
"Well Jax, if I'm really, really good.....ummm could I stay with you for the rest of my life? ............Before you answer if I am really, really, really, really good could I stay with you until the end of time? If not, please just let me stay through the night."
We fell asleep in each other's arms that night, the TV illuminating us. Two friends who fell asleep watching television. It was nice being with him this last night before I left for home.
Zac walked down the stairs and turned the TV off. He looked down at Jax and Taylor, all tangled up, sleeping together on the couch. He saw the contented look on Taylor's face and realized how he had never seen Tay that relaxed before.
Zac dragged a heavy dinning room chair over to one wall and climbed up on it. He stretched until he could reach the MTV camera, mounted near the ceiling and disconnected a cable from it.
He climbed back up the stairs and tapped Toby's shoulder. Toby was facing away from him, playing a video game.
"Put on your thinking cap, Tobe, we've got to come up with a way to get the lovebirds two back together."
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
"Okay, okay, okay, I've got it! We get them stuck in an elevator. Then, all we have to do is cut the lights and...."
"Zac, I don't reckon we should try anything that involves wiring or explosions or kidnapping."
"Oh, you say that like they're such bad things."
Zac and Toby were in their room. Everyone else in the house was asleep, but they sat up hatching their scheme to get Jaxsper and Taylor back together. The only light in the room came from the television which displayed a paused videogame.
"What about this one? We tell Jaxsper that Tay is sick. Then, you go and tell Tay that Jax broke his leg or something and they're both so worried that they rush to each other's side," Zac smiled triumphantly.
Toby shook his head. He looked at his friend's face. Zac's eyes darted around wildly as his mind swirled with ideas. He loved to look at Zac, but something about him was so darn distracting. Toby knew he couldn't think straight as long as he stared into Zac's eyes.
He looked away and remembered Zac's words. "I say, if you love someone you just say it." Toby wished that was all he heard Zac say, but he couldn't forget that Zac also said, "Toby and I are just friends, that's all. We're two guys just playing around." Toby struggled with his feelings. Deep down, he knew it was weird but, he felt more than just friendship for Zac. He wanted to be with him all the time. He was so happy when he saw Zac smile. Toby wanted to be more than Zac's friend. He loved him.
"Toby! Tobe! Pay attention. Don't tell me you're sleepy! It's only like 2:00 am. Jaxsper will be leaving in 16 hours and we have to think of a way to get him to stay here with Taylor."
The boys continued throwing out ideas, each more outlandish than the next. The night grew later. Zac yawned and leaned against Toby's side.
"Man, I'm tired but I am too excited to go to sleep," he said. "I need to....relax, you know, Tobe? Hey, remember how hot that looked when we saw that girl giving the guy a blowjob on Ike's video? I asked Jax what it felt like."
Toby answered, "They actually did that? To each other? And Jax told you?"
"Well, not in so many words, but he did basically tell me that it was the greatest feeling in the world."
The room grew silent. Toby had a strong sense of longing for something but dismissed it as an impossibility.
Zac spoke so quietly that Toby almost couldn't hear him, a first for Zac. "Toby, if I offered to do something to you, would you promise never to tell anybody. EVER!"
"Sure I wont tell anybody. I promise."
"Do you think that a blowjob would feel... you know like Jaxsper said, 'the greatest thing in the world'?" Zac asked.
"How would I know?" Toby responded, "Almost everything I've done, I've done with you."
"Want to try it?" said Zac.
Toby answered, trying to hide his excitement, "I'll try it if you will. How would we do it?"
"Well Tobe, you start by opening your mouth and saying 'ahhhhhh'." Zac opened his mouth widely and swirled his tongue around as he made the joke.
"No, I don't mean that," Toby responded and elbowed his friend in the side. "I meant, who goes first and the like?"
"Best way to do it is flip a coin. Here's a quarter. George Washington hasn't steered me wrong yet. Heads you do me first, tails I do you."
The boys watched as Zac tossed the coin into the air. Zac missed it on its way back down and it rolled to the other side of the room. They took off after it, racing to see who "won" It was Toby who yelled out "Yes! In your face, Zac! Literally!"
Toby laid back on the bed and let his legs hang over the side. He reached down to his pants and unzipped them. Slowly, his hand slid into his briefs and pulled out his erect penis. He pumped it a couple of times, drawing the foreskin back and forth over the head. "Here you go, Zac. Come and get it!"
Zac nodded and swallowed hard. He knelt down, before his friend, and pulled Toby's pants down further to his knees. Zac took Toby's dick in his hand and slowly started moving his hand up and down the shaft. Toby thought it felt great already. He liked the firm yet gentle grip that Zac used on his wank. It felt incredible so far and it would only get better. Toby moaned softly and pulled his shirt up around his neck.
He leaned forward and kissed the tip of Toby's cock with a closed mouth. Toby loved it and hoped that Zac did too. If Zac felt weird and said that he wanted to stop Toby would have let him, but he sure wished that Zac didn't say that. This just felt so good. He was glad that it was Zac doing it to him, for his first time.
Toby felt the head of his cock slide deeper into Zac's mouth. His curious tongue began to explore around the cock. It sent shivers up and down Toby's spine. The stray hairs on Zac's head tickled against Toby's smooth tummy.
Zac pulled back off the dick and asked, "Is this ok?" Toby could only nod.
His shaft returned to Zac's mouth and the tongue worked its miracles, flitting all over in unpredictable patterns. It swirled and danced and dotted its way along the shaft. At least half of Toby's cock disappeared between Zac's sucking lips. Zac held the bottom half of Toby's dick between his fingers and every fifth suck or so, he would pull his face back and just rub the exposed head over his glistening mouth. Then, he would exhale a warm breath and suck it back into his mouth again.
The gentle sucking caused Toby to involuntarily thrust his hips forward. The action made Zac work that much harder. He bobbed up and down on the slick shaft. Zac looked up briefly at Toby, who had his head tilted back and gasping in ecstasy. Even with his mouth stuffed, the boy found a way to smile a wide grin.
Toby leaned forward, and looked down at his best friend. He felt so connected to Zac at that moment. He aimlessly petted Zac's long, blond hair and swirled the boy's locks around his own creamy white stomach. Toby wanted to watch Zac more but the sucking and licking made his eyes close and his head tilt back again. Toby knew there could never be anything better than this.
Zac took off with full force. He sucked hard, his cheeks pulled into his mouth as he produced a powerful vacuum. Zac pointed the tip of his tongue and tapped at Toby's cum slit. The drool ran down the sides of Toby's cock. He bathed the cock with more of his saliva as Toby cooed quietly.
Toby forced himself to look down again and saw that Zac had pulled down his own pants and was stroking his dick wildly as he sucked off Toby. He felt his balls contract as a wave of pleasure made his cock spasm quickly. The almost continuous moan that came from Toby's mouth was interrupted when he yelled, "It's starting to cum, Zac! You better look out! I'm squirting!!!!"
The hot cum splashed against the back of Zac's throat. He made no effort to pull away but instead continued to suck Toby dry. Without any warning, Toby's cock exploded again, this time so strongly that Toby felt it come up from his toes. He gave a sharp cry as his body pumped itself towards Zac's mouth one last time and then collapsed back exhausted. Zac tried to swallow every drop, but his mouth filled with the almost endless flow of cum. Drops of it dibbled down his puffed out cheeks and dropped down his chin as he milked out every bit. Zac gave one last, hard suck before pulling away.
Toby sighed contentedly. Zac looked up and wiped his mouth of the excess cum. He smiled back at Toby with a sloppy grin.
"How was it?" Zac asked.
"The greatest feeling in the world," Toby responded, gasping for breath.
"Glad to hear it. Now you can do me!"
By the time Toby was finished tasting is first taste of Zac, they were both exhausted. The boys fell asleep in the same bed. Toby was awakened from the most wonderful dream when he felt Zac shaking him. He blinked, focusing his eyes once again on his best friend's face.
"Wake up, Toby. I've got it! I thought of the perfect way to get Jax and Taylor back together. As soon as the sun comes up, we have to go to Radio Shack to pick up what we need."
"I thought I told you, no wiring and no explosions," Toby answered, rubbing his eyes.
"Trust me, Toby. They're gonna love it."
CHAPTER THIRTY
Knock, knock, knock
"Come in," I said, throwing my packed suitcase on the bed. It was Zac. In a way I was glad it wasn't Taylor. It was going to be hard to say goodbye to him tonight. On the other hand, I wished I would have one last chance to see him. I guess Taylor felt as torn as I did, because I hadn't seen him for more than fifteen minutes all day. At one point, I tried to corner him just to say goodbye, but he disappeared into Zac's room. He stayed in there forever talking with his brother.
Almost as an afterthought I scribbled my phone number onto a piece of paper and left it for him, but I was sure he probably wouldn't call. Taylor would be off on a press tour soon, and far too busy to think of me. I just kept repeating to myself that we were doing the right thing. That I was just being silly, by letting my feelings overcome me so much. That this was the best way to protect Taylor's career and his future.
"All packed?" Zac asked as he entered my room.
I nodded. My plane would leave in about an hour or so. Mr. Kimball offered to drive me to the airport.
"Are you still so sure that you have to go?" he said, raising an eyebrow. He had a look like he knew more than he was telling. Then again, Zac always had that look.
I didn't really want to talk about it anymore, so I just nodded again. Zac came over and took the suitcase from me. His face showing the strain of lifting the heavy case. He set it down on the floor, then backed up to the door. He closed the door and stood in front of it, blocking my exit.
"Jax, I know we haven't exactly been close while you were here, but if you' re determined to leave..... Well, I got you something. Think of it as a sort of 'going away' present."
He pulled a rectangular, yellow object out of the huge pocket in his cargo pants and put it to his mouth. It was a walkie talkie, I think. He turned it on and said the word "Go" into it.
That's when I heard it, the singing and the sounds of a keyboard which came from outside my window.
"I love you more than anything. Than anything, I do. And, I'd give anything and everything I have, just to be with you. These feelings I hold inside, are emotions I cannot hide. These feelings will not subside, I'd give anything....anything."
I went over to the window and threw it open. A ladder had been propped against the house and led to our second floor bedroom. Taylor was down below, singing. A second yellow walkie talkie sat on top of his keyboard.
"What are you doing?" I said, stifling a giggle.
"I told you already, Jax. I am here to woo you, to win you and to sweep you off your feet."
He smiled one of those killer smiles. God, I wanted him at that moment but I was determined to let my head win out over my hormones.
"Are you crazy? The cameras, remember? Plus, you're out in the open. Someone might see you or hear you," I said back.
"I don't care," he yelled. "I'm not going to hide it anymore. I love you, Jaxsper and I would do anything for you!"
He had such a way about him. Taylor knew just the way to my heart and the perfect way to make it melt. He started singing again, only louder this time.
"When I look into your eyes, I see something special about you. And, when I hold your hand, you seem to understand that I love you more than anything. Than anything, I do."
When I told him again to keep it quiet he walked from behind the keyboard set up and started to climb the ladder that led to our bedroom.
While he was climbing the ladder he said, "Jax, I don't care who knows anymore. I love you, I do. We're not alone either. We have Zac and Ike, they'll help us. Jax.... I... called my dad today and told him. I'm not saying that he understands completely but he told me that he was glad that I was happy. He'll help us too, Jax."
"Taylor," I said, "It goes beyond that. Remember what Mr. Barnacle said? If word gets out it will ruin your career and they might sue you."
"Jaxsper, you don't have to do this. You don't have to protect me. Don't feel like you have to save me. You did it already, the day that you told me you loved me. Jax, if I never met you, sure I would be safe from all this, but I wouldn't be a real person. I would have never known that I could feel these missing parts of myself. I would have been doomed to living my whole life as some empty shell. I love you, Jaxsper. You didn't force me to say it, and you couldn't force me to feel it. I love you with all of my heart."
By then, he had reached to top of the ladder and was inches from me. I didn' t know what to say. This was all happening so fast.
"Jax, if you're so determined to save me, then do it now." He leaned back on the ladder and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I LOVE JAXSPER FINN!"
Zac cleared his throat. I had almost forgotten that he was in the room. I turned around to see him still standing in the doorway.
"Toby's in the control room. Aren't you, Tobe?" Zac asked into the yellow walkie talkie. I could hear Toby answer him. Zac continued, "We went over and picked up some electronic stuff along with these walkie talkies today. Toby's gonna speed up the timer on the camera system, and start the upload a little early."
Taylor spoke again, "I don't want to hide it anymore. Everyone will hear me yelling that I love you, Jax. It will ruin me, just like Barnacle said. There's only one way to stop it. If you're so determined to save me, do it now. Toby will only stop the upload if he hears you say that you love me and that you'll stay. My future is in your hands now, Jax. The only way you can save me is to tell me you love me."
I looked around the room. Taylor had the sweetest look on his face. He looked so innocent, and I wanted to protect him. Zac had one of those smiles that said, "I have you right where I want you." He had figured it all out. Zac gave me a thumbs up. Have you ever tried to cry and smile at the same time? I was sure that I was making the stupidest face right then.
I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I opened my lips and said, "I love you, Taylor." "I LOVE TAYLOR HANSON," I shouted out of the window.
Zac was holding the walkie talkie in front of him, so that Toby could hear. He returned it to his lips and asked, "Did you get that, Toby?"
I leaned in and gave Taylor a kiss, unashamed. It had only been a few days, but my lips ached for his. I savored the familiar taste of his sweet mouth.
"So, you love me, huh?" Taylor asked smiling again, after we broke the kiss. "Thank you so much, Jax."
"Of course I love you, Taylor. Now get in here and let me show you how much." I grabbed him under his arms and hauled him through the window. We both fell backwards and he landed on top of me. Even with his body on mine, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I love Taylor Hanson, more than anything.
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE
"Ain't love grand, Toby?" Zac said as he bounded into the control room.
Toby sat in the room holding another yellow walkie talkie, a mess of electronic wires and gadgets strewn around him.
Toby said, "Zac, do you reckon all this electronic gobbledy gook would have worked? If we had to, could we have sped up the timer on the camera uplink?"
"What? Are you nuts, Tobe? I had to have you help me put the batteries in these walkie talkies the right way! Still, it was a good idea, and Jaxsper and Tay will never know any better. You can't say it didn't work. I'm a genius!"
Toby and Zac laughed, then they caught site of Taylor and Jaxsper kissing on one of the monitors.
"Well, you did get one thing right, Zac," Toby said, "Love is grand. You did a good thing today by getting them back together. They look awfully happy. Zac...... there's been something I've been struggling with and I wanted to tell you. Zac...ummm....well... Zac, I love you. I think I've loved you for a long time. I wanted to do what you told Jaxsper to do and just say it. You don't have to say it back. It's ok." Toby looked away from his best friend, suddenly embarrassed.
Zac blinked his eyes. For once, the boy who always had something to say was speechless. He furrowed his brow, considering it for a second.
"Toby, I... I don't know what to say. I'm really flattered that you feel that way about me," Zac said as he moved over to put his arm around the ashamed boy. "Toby, you're my best friend. I don't regret anything that we ' ve done, and I know that I want to be with you always...."
"But..., right? You're going to say `but' aren't you?"
Zac broke into a Beavis and Butthead impression, "Heh-heh-heh-heh, you said butt!" Zac saw the pleading in Toby's eyes. He spoke again, "Toby, this is new to me. Like I said, I really like being with you and I don't want to see you go. I.... I don't know what I feel, ok? But, and here's that `but' you were waiting for.. I don't know what I feel but I want to find out. I want to find out with you, ok? Let's find out together."
Zac lifted Toby's chin and self-consciously kissed his friend on the lips. It wasn't as smooth or easy as the quick pecks they had given each other the few fleeting times before. Zac pulled away and rubbed a tear off of Toby's cheek and smiled back with a wide grin.
"You know, we really should turn this off," Zac said pointing to the monitor. "Nah, let's watch for a second. Maybe we'll learn some new stuff to do. Besides, Jax watched us one time, and fair is fair."
"Taylor, I was so stupid. When I think of all the time that we lost together. We only have a couple of days left now. I am so dumb!" I hugged Taylor closer to me. I never wanted to let him go.
Tay put his finger to my lips, quieting me and said, "Shhhh, don't think about it. The only thing that's important is that we are back together, Jaxsper. Always. Remember what I told you once? We have all the time in the world for love. Only time." His finger was replaced by his full, pink lips. Tay sure knew the best way to shut me up!
I broke our embrace long enough to pull Taylor's tight shirt over his head. I loved his aroma, and the safe feeling I had when he held me tight in his strong arms. I sighed and reveled in his arms. I tugged my own shirt off and Taylor took it from me and tossed it across the room. It has been far too long. I dropped to my knees and unzipped his pants, pulling them off along with his shoes and socks. It had been far too long, and I wanted to make up for lost time.
I slid my hands up through the leg holes in his boxers to feel and squeeze his ass. Taylor let out a low moan and ran his fingers though my hair. I kneaded his firm asscheeks and kissed a trail from his taught bellybutton to the waistband of his boxers. Taylor started a slow and gentle humping motion with his hips and in seconds his glorious dick popped its head out through the fly. I tilted my head to the left and gobbled up the head of his cock with my mouth.
I pulled my mouth from his dick and let my fingers play under the tent in Taylor's giant boxers. My hands massaged down lower on his ass then around the outside of his legs and to his front. My fingers ran through his fine pubic hair. My hands came together at that sensitive skin between his dick and his tummy. I could feel the heat from Tay's cock against the back of my fingers.
Taylor's hands stroked my hair, and drew circles along the nape of my neck, then moved down the sides of my face and to my neck. I leaned back and took my pants off, then looked up to his face. Not a word had been spoken since he quieted me, nor were there words necessary. I could see Taylor's desire to be touched again.
I yanked off his boxers and laughed at the delicious slap his cock made as it was pulled down the sprung back up to smack against his body. The precum left a splatter, and I kissed it clean. I cupped his balls in my right hand and slid my left hand back around to his ass. I pulled him to my mouth and laid my flattened tongue against his balls. I took a long lick from the base of his balls up to the top of his cock. I swirled my tongue over the head, then plunged it into my mouth. This provoked a long moan from Tay. Tears of joy almost came when I felt the old familiar twitch of his cock as it entered my mouth. I sucked him gently, continuously running my tongue around the lines of the dick. I tried to suck more of him in than ever before, deep throating every inch that I could. It was my way to be connected with him once again and make up for our time apart.
Taylor tried to talk once or twice, but his words croaked out and were stopped short by the moans I was eliciting from him. Finally he managed to say, "Come over to the bed and lay on top of me. I want to feel all of
you."
I stood and he led me by the hand over to the bed
"Here," he said as he pulled my boxers off. "You won't need these, Jax, but I do." Taylor turned to look up at the video camera mounted in the corner of the room. "Thanks again, Zac but this concludes our broadcast for the day. Be sure to erase the tape for us like you promised." Taylor took my boxers and hung them over the camera lense blocking its view of us.
He fell backwards on the bed, pulling me on top of him. Tay grabbed the back of my head and we kissed again, roughly at first each of us hungrily exploring the other's mouth, then more deeply and gently. It felt so natural to kiss him. So right. I didn't know that someone could smile and pucker to kiss at the same time until I saw Taylor do just that.
I loved feeling his naked skin against me. We were writhing and squirming all over each other. It made me feel alive again, and sent waves of emotion through me with each contact of my body to his. I melted and knew I was his again. Our hard dicks were pressed together by the weight of our bodies. We began a slow motion with our hips.
"Ride me" Taylor whispered into my ear just before he slipped his tongue into it. "I want to feel myself inside of you again, Jax."
I pulled myself off of him and straddled his body, leaning over to the nightstand drawer. The baby oil was still there. I guess some things didn't change. I slid further back down his body to sit on his thighs, and began to oil up his cock and balls. I slowly slid my hand over each wonderfully hard inch. When I had it all shiny and slick I leaned back down to kiss Taylor. I rubbed my shaft against his as he reached behind to massage my hole with his oiled fingers. As he relaxed my hole, he whispered in my ear how much he loved me. I rose again and he aimed his slick erection at me while I held my cheeks apart. I felt the tip of his dick make contact and I continued. He pushed gently into me with a light pressure. My face winced briefly in pain but it was replaced with a look of love.
I continued lowering myself onto him slowly, letting myself get used to the feel of having him buried deep inside of me again. I felt more connected to him than ever. Finally, I was fully seated upon him. I felt his balls mashed below me. Then, I started to ride him as he requested, slowly raising myself up and down on his pole. I braced my hands on his smooth chest to steady myself. My bouncing became faster and faster as he grew to climax. On each down stroke, his cock would bump against my prostate, making my dick throb and ooze precum. I clamped my hole tightly around him.
Taylor groaned louder than the squeaking springs of our mattress. He reached down to take my cock in his hands. He stroked my shaft, timing it to coincide with each thrust of his cock as it slid in and out of my tight hole. We were both breathing harder than ever before. I felt his cock swell to gigantic proportions inside of me, then the hot flow of his cum being pumped into my body. The first hot splash from him made me physically jump forward a bit and gasp out loud. That pushed me over the edge and I shot a steady stream of cum up Taylor's body. The first blast traveled all the way up to hit him on the chin, he snaked his tongue down and scooped it up into his mouth. This was followed by five more powerful blasts from me, each dotting and pooling at varying distances along his smooth neck, chest, and stomach. The final drops of cum oozed from my cock and onto his hands, which still milked my cock.
I leaned over kissing him again, tasting my cum on his mouth, and mashing the rest of it between our bodies. After long minutes of kissing, he rolled me over and slowly began to lick clean all of my sperm, which had been transfered from his body to mine. I felt his warm breath playing all over me. His mouth was everywhere, hunting for more of my cum, tasting parts only he had tasted before.
We lay together the rest of the night. Our chest heaving and sweat running from out bodies. Once again there were no worries, no concerns, no fears, and no secrets.
"I love you," he whispered. My lips started to form a response but before I could his mouth was over mine, kissing me again. No words were necessary.
CHAPTER THIRTY TWO
I woke up, alone again.
It had been two days since Taylor and I had gotten back together, and today was the day we had both dreaded. It was time for all of us to go home. We all said our goodbyes last night. Tay even gave Brittany the kiss she had been waiting for, but he saved an even better one to give me later. I knew that Tay and his brothers had an early flight, but I thought he would have at least woke me up to say goodbye before he left.
"You didn't think I would just leave. Did you, Jax?" Tay said from the bathroom doorway.
Hearing his voice made my heart beat faster. He stayed behind!
I said, "Just once, I wish I could wake up before you."
"If you did that, then I wouldn't be able to watch you sleep. You are so beautiful when you're asleep, Jaxsper. Your eyes do this little dancing thing and your chest moves so rhythmically. I know that you are dreaming of me."
"You know me far too well," I said. "I'm just glad that the last three weeks didn't turn out to be a dream.
"If this is dream, then don't ever wake me up. Gosh, I don't want to go, Jax. I meant it when I said that I would stay with you."
"I know that you said you would and I love you for that Taylor, but I also know how important your music is to you. Besides, my Mom must really miss me by now."
"But what about us?" he asked.
"Us? `Us' is fine, Taylor. We've proved that. Nothing can break us apart. We showed them all. You will always be mine, you know that. Besides, it won't be forever. You promised to visit me as soon as your promotional tour is over, and I plan to hold you to that promise."
I got up out of bed, and Taylor gave me a "good morning" kiss. He is so sweet, like an angel Of course, no angel would have grabbed my ass after the kiss the way Tay did.
Taylor told me that his brothers left already, and that Lynn and Brittany went with them to the airport. Toby was just picked up by a car to take him to the station and a train ride back home. He told me that Zac and Toby had been talking all night about something, but he wasn't sure what it was all about. Zac had given Toby his phone number.
MTV would begin broadcasting the "Real World Hanson" show the following week along with the world premiere of Hanson's video for "Cried". I told him that every time I missed him, I would turn on the television and watch our time together. It would be even better since I knew all the behind the scenes action that took place. Taylor assured me that Mr. Barnacle had not threatened him any further and that the tapes would only show the sanitized version of seven friends living in a house and making a music video.
"Jax, you know how Ike and I went over to the MTV offices to watch some of the final edit for the show? You should see how they are putting it together. It looks almost as if Brittany and I had a thing going on. They used all those times she went out with me after you broke ummmmm, I mean when we were apart. When it's put together like that, and they show your face, it looks like your jealous of me for spending time with Britt. It's actually kinda funny."
We both laughed.
I had packed up all of my mementos last night. The shirt that I won from Taylor in our pool game. The autograph he gave to me with the words to our song on it. Even that stupid, tiny stuffed animal he won for me at the carnival. I think he spent about $10, of the money he borrowed from me, trying to knock down those milk bottles with that ball. Finally, he told the guy who he was and that he would give him an autographed CD in exchange for the prize.
The best thing I was taking with me though, were my memories of Taylor. Before I came here, I didn't know what I wanted or who I was. Now I did. I loved Taylor. It made everything clear. I would do anything for him, and he would do anything for me. I was leaving with the memory of how good it felt when he kissed my cheek and how safe I felt when I was in his arms. No one could take that away from me.
The car arrived awhile later to drive us to airport. We tried to cram in as much time together as we could but the gates for our flight were at opposite ends of the airport.
As I was exiting the car Taylor yelled, "Jax! Wait!" When I turned around he pulled me back in the car with him, planting kisses all over my face and telling me how much he would miss me, and promising that he would see me again soon.
I ran my hands all over his smooth, white face, willing them to remember every contour of it. I stared into his silvery-blue eyes, and watched as he bit on his pink, puffy lower lip and then let it drag out between his white teeth. I tried to burn the whole memory into me, so that every time I closed my eyes I could see Taylor again. I tried to live my whole life in that moment. I kissed him one last time.
"Jax, I got you this," he said as he pulled a gift wrapped box out from under the seat. "Don't open it until exactly 12:30, ok?"
I told him I would. I exited the car again, and it drove away. I saw Tay move from looking at me through the side window, to press his hand onto the back window of the car as it drove away. I stared at the blank road forever, waiting for..... I don't know. A skycap finally tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I needed help with my bags.
My plane was delayed, but I could see from the monitor that Tay's took off on time. I sat there, in the terminal, remembering everything that happened and trying to reconcile my feelings for Taylor. My eyes fell down to the gift still clutched in my hand. I had almost forgotten it in all the excitement. I glanced at my watch. It wasn't quite 12:30, but close enough. I tore open the wrapper. Inside was a smaller, wrapped box and a videotape.
A handwritten note from Taylor said:
"Jaxsper, I know that I told you that we erased parts of every tape before they were sent over to MTV, but Zac told me he couldn't bring myself to erase this one. You have the only copy. It's the night that I sang to you and yelled out how much I love you. I didn't know it was possible, but I think I loved you even more when I heard you yell that you love me too. You saved me that night, in more ways than I could ever tell you. I figured you could watch this and think of me whenever you start to forget how much you love me, even though I know that will never happen. With all the trouble that those cameras caused us, at least they were there to capture this moment for us, and record it forever. I love you, Jaxsper - Taylor"
I started to unwrap the second box, when it began ringing. I tore open the box, to find a cellular phone.
"Hello," I said.
"Jax, it's me," said Taylor, "I miss you already. I bought this phone for you, because I thought this would be the perfect way for you and I to stay in touch. Now every time you want to reach out and touch someone, you can do it...well at least as much as you can touch me from over the phone."
I thanked him. He asked me if there was anything else I wanted from him.
"Well," I said. "Spontaneous flower deliveries would be nice. Letters from you. Your understanding that I might get unreasonably jealous every time I see you on television next to some girl. Conjugal visits, of course. All of that, but let's start with you calling me every day so that I can tell you how much I love you."
"Call you every day. Check. You know Jax," Tay said lowering his voice to a conspiratorial growl, "That's the other beauty of this phone. Phone sex." We both laughed, and I found myself blushing, right there in the middle of the crowded airport.
Taylor continued, "Did I mention that while I was talking to you I moved into the bathroom? I'm picturing you naked right now as I lower my pants in this cramped space. I'm remembering how we were in the shower together. Those little, tiny bubbles sliding down your chest, Jax. How I wish I was one of those bubbles, as it traveled down your tummy. I'm taking my dick in my hand right now and thinking about you, Jax........"
I sat there in that crowded airport listening to him tease me, and getting his revenge on me for what I did to him during the video shoot. He made me squirm in my chair more than a few times, but he did more than get a physical reaction from me. He touched my heart again and reminded me of how lucky I was to have found someone like him. I will always love him.
I can't live without you I love everything about you I can't help it if I feel this way Oh, I'm so glad I found you I want my arms around you I love to hear you call my name, and tell me that you feel the same Baby, I love you. Taylor, I love only you. ________________ That's the end of the story. I liked it so much that I've started work on a sequel already. If you liked it, send me an email and tell me. I respond to every letter. I will give you the link to my new story. or just check out the webpage at -----> members.aol.com/njax/hanson.htm or members.aol.com/xairec/roadrule.htm