Disclaimer
I do not know *NSYNC or any one affiliated with them.
I wish I did, but I don't. Everything in this story is fiction, meaning
I made it up. It all comes from my head.
Last time on Reaching Out
"When Josh came out to being bisexual, he didn't tell all of us every
thing. I mean, he told me, but he didn't tell anyone else. Josh has had
a crush on Justin since the Mickey Mouse Club. And with the stunts that
Justin has been pulling lately, I wouldn't be surprised if Josh was
going insane on the inside, and just keeping up that strong front as not
to let on."
"No way! Seriously, you mean Josh has a thing for Justin." Joey's words caught every one off guard. He was never prone to shouting things out, so they were all a little confused by his sudden outburst.
"Joey, you can't tell anyone. Not even your sister or brother." Lance had to say it, because Joey never kept a secret from his sister Janine, or his brother Steve. But this was a case where he would have to keep the secret.
"Well, I mean, their's kinda this secret that I know. But I promised I wouldn't tell anyone. It doesn't really solve anyone's problems, because I don't know what's wrong with Justin. But he told me about four months ago, that well, he's kinda confused 'bout something. He thinks he might be having feelings for Josh." Joey told the secret, his words coming out choppy, because he wasn't sure what to say and how to explain it.
"He is even more self-centered then I thought. How could he do those things to Josh? I mean, if he thinks he might like him, then how could he do all that to him. Ya know, I mean, Josh is a strong guy, he's always been the strong one out of all of us. But when it comes to Justin he'll do anything. And for Justin to be so stupid, I just don't understand what the hell he was thinking that night." Lance didn't care for the explanation that Joey had behind Justin. It didn't make up for the things he had done.
"Maybe we should set the up. I mean, maybe that's whats been bothering Justin. He might be lonely." Chris suggested, hoping to steer away from a fight that he could tell was about to ensue between Joey and Lance.
Now onto Chapter 2
"I'm not getting into this. If they hook up it's cool with me, but I won't be a part of it." The protest coming from Dani was a little unexpected. The men in the room thought she would want to help, she always wanted to help in whatever she could, so her protest gave reason to question.
"Waddya mean? How come?" Chris asked his girlfriend defensively, giving her a questioning look.
"Because if we screw things up, or if they don't really want to see each other then they can blame it on us. And I am not going to get into an *NSYNC fight." Dani stopped to laugh at what she was saying before continuing. "When you guys get into fights it divides you. I usually get pulled in, but this time I am not even going to take sides."
"We do not!" Chris protested, but his girlfriends laughter just proved that she wasn't really paying attention to him.
"You all do too. When a fight breaks out you all hate each other for days. Some times you break down the middle, three against two of you, sometimes it's all of you against one of you. But no matter what it sucks to got caught in between." Dani spoke through her laughter, continuing to explain herself.
"Fine, you don't have to help. But you can at least give us some suggestions."
"No honey, not a word is going to escape my mouth about this topic."
"How stupid are you?" Britney was asking the question for the fifth or sixth time in a row, by now it wasn't even filled with anger, but with more sadness in it.
"I told you I'm really stupid. Will you just drop it already, I fucked up." Justin's voice was shaking, he had been crying now for the whole conversation. In the beginning Britney tried to comfort him, but after he told he why he was crying, she just yelled at him more.
"I'm sorry Justin, but seriously, how could you do that? And you're lucky that the guys don't know about the other times. And don't even act like you don't remember, you may have been drunk, or high, but you definetly remembered the next morning."
"I know, I know. But I would only hurt them if they found out." His voice cracked with every word, and yet he knew the conversation wasn't coming to an end.
"You have to tell them eventually Just. Jesus, they're gonna start wondering why you come home in the morning around 10, intead of some time at night. They know you don't go to clubs for 12 hours, they aren't that stupid."
"I know they aren't that stupid. But what do you want me to do? You want me to tell them, to let them kill me for being so stupid? I'm not telling them, because if I do they will hate me."
"And you don't think they aren't hating you right now? You fucked up big time Justin. It's not the first time. I mean, I'm a good friend, I'm not your best friend and I know I could never be. But if I hadn't been the one who picked you up that night, I wouldn't even know that you spend most of your nights getting high and drunk. It hurts Justin, and the only reason I haven't told JC and the others, is because you are my friend. I value that relationship, but the way you act, I wonder if you value any friendship you have. Do you even think about what you do to the rest of us? When you go out for hours, until the morning do you realize how much we worry. Do you know how much JC worries? He looks after you with so much love Justin, and you don't even realize it. You fuck up, he's their for you. What happens when they find you dead on the side of the road after your next bar stop? Or when they find you passed out in a hotel room because you od'd? What then Justin, what the fuck then?" Britney's anger was pouring out of her. As she listened to Justin cry, she herself was on the verge of letting tears go. But she held them in, she was tired of crying over him.
"I don't know Brit. I really don't know. Josh is too good for me, he shouldn't look out for me. He spends all his time watching me like I need babysitting. I don't need to be babysat. Joey is more reckless then I am, and he doesn't need a babysitter." Justin complained, his whining voice showing over his crying for only a few seconds, before that became the prominent sound from the other end of the line.
"Justin, you are more reckless then Joey. So what if he goes out and fucks random groupies? He isn't hurting any one , he uses protection, he's smart. You aren't. You get drunk at clubs and bars, and drive home. You get high and trip on acid and drive home. And you don't tell anyone. No one knows that you are drowning your self-loathing, drug using, alcohol abusing ass into depression, no one but me. And I'm tired of being the only one to know Justin. Because the next time something serious happens, and it brings everyone around you to tears. I'm going to be sitting their hating myself for knowing something that I might have been able to prevent. I'm not going to take blame for something like that Justin." Britney stopped, sighed, and choked back a sob before continuing. "The only thing I'm asking for is smarten up. You are days away from Christmas, days away from a new year, and that's all I'm asking for. Don't buy me a gift this year, don't make a stupid resolution. Clean yourself up for me, try and stay sober. If not for me, then for JC."
The line went silent after her words. The sobs were more like a silent effect, because Justin had been letting them flow for the whole conversation now. But other then that, their was nothing. Britney sat in silence waiting for a response, and she knew that Justin was thinking of what to say.
"I love him Britney, I love him. He's bisexual, which means I have a chance? So why the fuck haven't I taken the chance? Why am I sitting here? Ya wanna know why? Because I'm afraid of it, so I take it out on myself, and now I know Josh is too good for me. I can't take that, I need to release myself from it."
"Good bye Justin, call me when you've worked everything out with yourself. Because, I can't take this anymore." And with that the phone went dead. Only the dial tone hit Justin's ears. The phone dropped to his side, he didn't even bother turning it off. He knew if he did that it would only be easier for people to call him.
Sighing, he turned and walked from the living room of his and JC's home. His tears flowed down his face, but he was no longer sobbing. Entering the bathroom, he opened the cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of advil and a box of cold pills. He stared at them blankly, admiring the bottles, the directions, the warning labels. He smiled weakly, and looked at himself in the mirror.
"Disgusting, you're disgustin." The glass was gone, his fist went straight through it, smashing the mirror into large pieces of glass. His knuckles were bleeding, his hand now covered in it, but he didn't even bother wrapping it or running it under water. Instead he poured himself a glass of water and sat on the floor. Opening the bottle and the box, he took one pill at a time. Until the content of both of them was empty, just containers on the floor.
"I was afraid that I'd still find you here. I guess you've been here for a while." JC turned to see a familiar face. Lance was standing their, behind him stood Chris, both of them with worried looks on their faces.
"Yeah, I've been working out my frustration on the piano. I think I might have come up with a new tune, but I don't really think it would be good for an album." JC muttered, tossing the paper into his folder. It was just a folder type journal he carried around with numerous lyrics he had written up during anger, frustration, sadness. Any emotion that gave him the need to write was in their, and he treasured it more then anything.
"Don't you think you should head back to your place. I mean, Justin has been by himself long enough. I think it's time the two of you talked about what he did." Chris suggested, entering the room in better view this time.
"I guess you guys are write. Why don't you come with me? We all need to talk about this." JC suggested, not because they all needed to talk about it, but because he wanted some one their with him. He didn't want to have to discuss the topic at hand with Justin by himself.
"Alright, we'll meet you their." Chris turned and was out the door. Lance following, and JC bringing up the rear.
The parking lot was empty except for their two cars. Chris and Lance got into Lance's car, and pulled out first. JC got into his jeep and followed, keeping close behind as they rode back to the house.
"Pick up the fucking phone Justin!" Britney was upset, she had hung up on Justin, and after ten minutes of crying to herself felt bad for doing it. But after five times of unsuccessful attemtps to reach Justin, she knew that he must have disconnected the phone.
Dialing up her other friends number, she got his voice mail. "Great, I can't reach any of them." She spoke out loud, something to keep herself from really getting worried. JC must not have had his cell phone on, but that didn't explain the reason for Justin not answering the phone.
"Joey?"
"Hey Brit, long time no speak." Joey spoke care-free, happy to the world. Britney loved that, he was so happy, all the time. She wished that everyone could be like that.
"Um, you know where all the guys are?"
"Well, let's see. Chris and Lance went to check on JC at the studio. Justin is probably at home by himself, and I'm here with Dani waiting for the guys to get back. Why do you ask?"
"I don't know, Justin isn't answering his phone, and JC's phone isn't on." Britney replied.
"Don't worry about it. Justin's probably thinking about what he did. And you know JC, when he gets to work he tries to make sure everything is out of his mind. So, it's no surprise that his phone isn't on." Joey spoke again with out a care, answering her qestion with ease.
"I guess you're right. I'm just worried about Justin." Britney hesitated, she wanted to tell some one. To just tell any one the truth about Justin, but she knew she couldn't. She was trusted with all the information that she had, and she wasn't going to break that trust.
"No prob Brit."
"Thanks again Joe, I'll talk to you later." The conversation ended their, little did either of them know that they would be talking sooner then later. And it wouldn't be a happy time for them to speak.
"Who was that?"
"Just Brit, she was worried cuz she couldn't get a hold of JC or Justin" Joey explained to Dani. "I told her it was no big deal though, and I think it calmed her down."
"Hello?" JC hollered as he entered the house. Surprisingly, he had beaten Chris and Lance to the house even though leaving after them. Usual a safe driver, for some reason he had sped home, and he didn't even seem to notice.
After getting no response, JC wandered the house for a little bit in search. But the living room and kitchen were both empty. Turning back he headed up the steps and into the bedroom, and he found no Justin in either his or his own bedroom. Turning around for a second time he went back down the steps, stopping in front of the bathroom.
Looking in, he could make out Justin on the floor. Figuring that his young friend was just crying he walked in to the bathroom to get a closer look. Only to find that his friend was unconcionsce, two bottles of pills emtpy next to him.
Panic sank into JC as he rushed from the bathroom and into the kitchen to grab the phone. His mind told him to do things quicker then he could, and he managed to dial the number and then rush back into the bathroom in a few quick seconds.
"911"
"Yes, my friend, he's unconciounsce and their are two empty bottles of pills next to him. I need an ambulance quick." JC spoke frantically.
"Alright, please stay calm. What's your name?" The operator asked in a calm voice.
"My name is Josh."
"Alright Josh, we have an ambulance on the way. I'd like you to stay on the line, keep talking to me until it gets their."
"Is he going to be alright?" JC asked a question that he knew the operator couldn't answer. She wasn't even in the room, how would she be able to tell if he was going to be okay.
"That depends on how long he has been out. But we have an ambulance on the way. Try and relax, take deep breaths."
"Can I do anything to help him before they get here?"
"If you think you can, stick your finger down his throat and try and make him throw up."
"Alright, I'm gonna set the phone down and try." JC did just that, setting down the phone and preceding to do as he was asked.
Slowly, he opened Justin's mouth, and put in one finger. He slid it down gently, and noticed that Justin was gagging slightly. Soon he was rushing to move his finger as Justin threw up a small amount. But still he did not awaken. JC began to try harder, until he realized he was getting nothing else. He sat and waited, not even realizing that Lance and Chris were behind him, both of them not believing what they were seeing.
Lance didn't know what to do, but he noticed the phone sitting idly by while JC worked at reviving Justin. Slowly he picked it up, waiting to hear something.
"Hello, Josh, Josh are you their?" The operator asked numerous times, waiting for a response.
"Excuse me, who is this?" Lance felt himself being stupid at that moment, but he for some reason had to ask the question.
"I'm Joyce, 911 operator. Where's Josh?"
"I'm Lance, Josh is, um, I don't know what he's doing."
"Is he with the victim, is he trying to revive him?" The lady asked the question, not really caring anything about who she was talking to.
"Yeah, he's making Justin puke. Why?" Lance asked confused, and a little annoyed that the woman had called Justin a victim.
"According to Josh, he walked in on Justin finding him asleep, and two bottles of pills empty beside him on the floor." Joyce answered the question, before picking up on something in the background. "Are the paramedics at the house?"
"Yeah, they are." Lance replied, it finally sinking into him that Justin had tried to committ suicide. The first thought that ran through his mind was that the attempt might still work.
"Alright, they'll take it from their. Good bye." Lance clicked off the phone and looked down at his friends. Josh was sitting next to Justin, who although had been puking was still unconcious. And Chris was standing at the door waiting for the paramedics to get into the house.
To Lance it seemed like seconds, they were in the house, and had Justin put on a stretcher immediately. To JC it seemed like days, months, years before they had Justin ready to be put into the ambulance.
"I'm coming with him." JC demanded, but was stopped quickly by one of the paramedics.
'"Sorry, son, we are going to need all the room in the vehicle, it would be best for his sake if you got a ride to the hospital." And with that the conversation ended. The paramedics were off, the ambulance driving down the road.
JC turned, to see Chris and Lance staring. Neither of them knew what to do, what to say. They both stood still, silent, almost as if they weren't even aware of where they were at the moment. JC stared back at them, he too didn't know what to do. But his mind was racing with feelings, feelings he couldn't control.
"What the fuck are you doing? Get your stuff. We have to be their." JC rushed into the house quickly, Chris and Lance stayed still. With in a minute JC was back outside, his keys and coat in his hands. Chris and Lance realized what was really going on, and jumped into his car, as JC pulled off down the road en route to the hospital in Orlando.
TBC.....
What is Justin thinking? Why did he try and kill himself? But more importantly, was he successful in killing himself? All these questions will be answered in the next chapter. I think a few new characters will be introduced in the next chapter too, I'm not sure if that will come now, or a little bit later though.
Also, I want to thank everyone who has e-mailed me. I got a lot of e-mails after my first chapter, and I really appriciate them, they mean a lot to me, and feedback keeps me going. Also the fact that I love to write these stories.
Expect the next chapter to be up Christmas Eve. It will be my Christmas Chapter, even though it doesn't seem like things could be very good for Christmas in this story.