So, in a matter of weeks, I went from hating Chris, to making him to centre of my entire world.
I mean, I still had my suspicions about him, but I couldn't deny what my dumb old heart was telling me, and it was telling me that I needed to be with Chris big time. It was kind of ironic that french is said to be a romance language, because romance was the only thing on my mind.
Just so you know, though, Quebec french is nothing like the beautiful french that they speak in France. Granted, the french are, for the most part, a bunch of assholes, the people in Quebec were exceptionally grating. The language was filled with so much slang, shortcuts and distortion, that the romance was pretty much gone.
So here I was, a twenty-year old guy with ample psychological issues, and near-hopeless living arrangements, who hadn't renewed his license, so he hadn't the means to legally drive, hanging around with a seventeen-year-old kid who was so intelligent and well-spoken, that he hid it behind a mask of shyness.
Granted, he was almost eighteen, and he was, to some degree, still more shy than the average male, but I think my point still stands.
The first thought in my pretty head, was that I was feeling things for him, because he was younger than me and more introverted, turning on my innocence detector and making me want to do nasty things with him. I dismissed that, though, because he had already proven to me that he was fully capable of being on my level, and beyond. It was less than a year after my dear Aaron passed on, so maybe it could also have been a rebound thing. I dismissed that too, though, despite how similar Christopher was to the young Aaron that I first fell head over feet for. Chris had a distinct personality and I loved him for it. I didn't even love him like I loved Aaron. This was something totally different. Stronger somehow. Deeper too. When I thought about Chris and what he said before, I felt this warm feeling start in my stomach and spread over my entire body. There were a few stirrings in the groin area, but not enough to convince me that this was a sexual thing, because it really wasn't.
In truth, what I was most hoping for, was a slow build-up. I wanted us to be close. I loved Chris, but I didn't want to go quickly with him. I wanted us to do stuff together, eventually leading up to being physically close, with some hugging and maybe some kisses too. And, eventually, when the time was right, he and I would make love to each other. I just wanted to do things really romantic like. I wanted things to be perfect with Chris.
Of course, I wasn't just going to go and tell Chris all this.
So, I sat in french class, listened to the vibrant teacher talking about something or another, and just thought about possibilities that might occur in the near future.
When class got out, I nearly skipped my way to Psychology class. One of the people in the class had decided for one reason or another, to begin a regiment of insulting me.
"Turn the lights on!" he commanded me.
I stood there in shock for several seconds, before flicking the lights on and sitting down. I placed my book and binder in an arrangement on my desk and opened the binder to begin reviewing the notes that I took from the previous night's reading homework.
I was halfway past brain physiology, when Chris walked in. I looked up and smiled at him, and he smiled back and took a seat at the farthest corner of the room from me. I turned back around and gazed down at my notes.
"Why didn't he sit in the chair next to mine?" I wondered to myself.
The class went on as normal, but there was this burning feeling in my stomach that made me wonder what I had done or said. I mean, Chris never did make an effort to sit next to me, but it now appeared like he was actively trying to get far away from me and I couldn't figure out why.
The class was interesting, of course. I mean, I love psychology and the teacher and topics are fascinating, but this was really on my mind.
After class, everybody woke up, I guess, and started wearily walking out, and I took that opportunity to walk over to Chris. I walked beside him as he left the class, and he smiled at me, I suppose detecting that I had something on my mind, and asked, "What?"
"Chris," I started, "remember what you...I mean, what we said before?"
Chris nodded.
I shrugged, "Well, why didn't we, like, sit together in class or something?"
Chris shrugged and stopped walking. I stopped too, and he leaned in and whispered, "I meant what I said. I just don't want people to find out about...you know..."
I smiled slightly and nodded. "I agree totally."
We walked the rest of the way to the cafeteria, where he had another class, and I got to go home for the day.
Chris had reminded me of something that I knew already, but that needed pounding into my head. I knew that Chris loved me, and I knew that I was crazy about Chris, but this wasn't going to be the same thing with Aaron. As much as I would have loved to shout my love in the hallways, or walk down the corridors holding his hand, I knew that it was best that we kept things simple.
Nothing is simple, though.