This is not a work of pure fiction; it's not a verbatim record of events, either. Rather it's a recovered and organized memory with partly imagined details. What I mean is -- the events happened; to me and to my friends; but I have had to reinvent the dialogue. The emotions have stayed with me and I have not had to remember, invent or reconstruct a single one. However, all the characters and events portrayed in this story are fictional. No resemblance to real people of events is intended. So there; if you think you recognize yourself or the events, you can't sue me! Once again, writing this has taken lnger than I expected. Firstly, I lost a close member of my family. Secondly, and probably due to the first and other factors I have been found to be a Type 1 Diabetic. So I have joined the needle club; a little prick at last.
________________________________________________________________ After the summer parties and the nude beach intelude, I find myself face to face with Maggie.
"Well hello!" said Maggie with exaggerated civility. "I've got my car here, it's a lovely day, let's go out!" "Wait. Please." I turned and bellowed "Mum!" And went rushing into the depths of the cottage to find her. "Mum, can I go out with a friend? Please, please, please!" "Are you going to that beach again?' "No! Just around." "What time will you be back?" "Five o'clock. Please!" I invented a time so far distant that I was sure to be home before. What we were going to do, where we were going I had no idea. "All right. I'll take him to the castle. There's a ferry isn't there? He'd love the boat ride." "Yes, it goes from near the main pier, you'll see the ticket kiosk. It goes every half hour. Can I go?" "I suppose so. Be good and be back here by five. All right?" "Bye!"
Maggie was wearing a loose knitted top in orange over a white t-shirt and blue jeans, I wore a dark blue t-shirt and short pale blue skirt. "Here's the car." She said and pointed to an orange, convertible MGB. "Jump in!" We opened the doors and slid in. My skirt rode up as I sat on the squeaky black vinyl seats and I self-consciously pulled it down while Maggie watched. "Not the best thing to wear in an open sports car, y'know." "I wasn't expecting you, or a vehicle of this description when I dressed." "Touche!" She started the car, and we drove off. Up the main road and out of the town. Maggie drove quickly and with confidence, but the roar of the car and the wind in our hair made conversation impossible, so I couldn't ask where we were going. The breeze buffeted my hair around and I wished Id tied it back like Maggie's. The wind also kept blowing my skirt up, so I spent most of the journey holding my hair down with one hand and the other one jamming my skirt between my legs! Tiny, narrow lanes between high banked hedges took us far into the Devon countryside, until suddenly Maggie swung the wheel hard left and propelled the car through a gate and into a small farmyard. As well as scratchy hens, I could see a tack box and paddock and plenty of hay in the open barn. "How many horses do you have?" I asked. Not really caring about horses, but feeling that I had to show interest. "Just the one hunter. He's enough trouble to deal with -- hasn't been gelded, so he's a real sod. The feed's for the sheep." She replied, indicating the contents of the barn. "Let's go in." There was a child's bike leaning against the back porch as we entered, and inside stood two small Wellington boots. "Robbie's." she said, nodding to them. "With his father at the moment." So was this Maggie's son or brother? It could have been either, but I suspected that she was a mother, and had, at least at one time, a relationship with a man. We moved into the farmhouse with its low ceilings, wooden floors and exposed beams. "This is all mine. It's a mess, but I love it. Particularly the view." And she swept her arm around indicating the wide view down the sheep-dotted meadows to the blue-grey estuary a mile or so away. "It's beautiful." I agreed and took a few steps closer to the full length windows. Maggie followed close behind me, and while I gazed out she wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the neck. "I wanted to do this from the moment I first saw you." She murmured. Involuntarily, I wriggled and goose-bumps appeared on my skin. "How did you know I wouldn't stop you?" "I just knew." "Is it that obvious?" I enquired self-consciously. "No, it was just the way you looked. I knew." I inclined my neck back to enjoy the soft kisses from my ear to my collarbone as Maggie's hands swept over my boobs and stomach. I wanted to turn around to face her, but Maggie kept me facing the window as she cupped one breast and pressed her other hand to my crotch. "No. Not here." I couldn't help looking out of the window as if a passing shepherd or walker might be watching us. "We're completely private; no-one will see." She breathed into my hair and her hand began to pull the front of my skirt up my thighs. "No, Maggie." And I pulled away from her and turned to face her. "I feel as though I'm on display." I wasn't quite sure if I meant absolutely no', or just no, not here', Maggie seemed to be moving a bit fast for me. It wasn't that I didn't want her, but I felt a little uncomfortable at the pace of it. How long had she been planning to whisk me back to her house and seduce me? How did she know that I would be receptive? Supposing I'd been having my period? "Relax. Relax and come with me" She held out her hand. I took it and she led me towards an open tread staircase rising to the next floor. "Turn left at the top" And she let me pass to walk up first. I tried to tuck my bottom in as I climbed so that she should not see up my skirt. Pathetic, eh? At the top of the stairs, I turned left as bidden into a pale lemon yellow room with sandy berber carpet and large bed dressed with a white duvet and pillows. The bright summer sunlight from the dormer window made the room shine and I felt positively uplifted by the beautiful brightness which was reflected by a large mirror on the wall at the foot of the bed. Straight ahead, on the other side of the bed was an open door into a walk-in closet and dressing room. I could see a dressing table covered in make up and trinkets and racks of clothes reflected in the mirror, but here in the bedroom there was no clutter, just brightness. I was captivated. Maggie pushed the door behind her and came to me as I turned to her. Now we kissed face to face, lips open and tongues engaged. Maggie was taller and stronger than me, and I felt I was the weaker vessel in her presence. Just as I had felt weak and girly when I was with Guy, now I felt under Maggie's power and influence. I would do what she wanted by choice. I knew her to be experienced and I longed to learn the arts of love from her. I would be her lover and pupil; I surrendered. Now she lay me down on the bed, kicked off her shoes and lay on top of me, kissing again. I parted my legs beneath her and felt the rough of her jeans on my open thighs. She pressed against me and I felt my lower lips begin to part and moisten. She rolled to one side and cupped my breast as she had done downstairs, before pulling my t-shirt out of skirt waistband and pushing it up over my bra. Straightaway her hand went behind me and she unclipped my bra in an instant. Her fingers were on my nipple in an instant, rolling and rubbing as I felt it erect. Lying between my thighs again, she thrust her tongue into my mouth and ground her pelvis forward into mine. She lifted her torso on her arms, looking down upon me subservient beneath her. "You're so gorgeous. "She murmured. "I'm going to love you to pieces." I didn't know how to respond, so I put my hand on the nape of her neck and pulled her mouth down to mine again. This time I positively sucked her tongue into my mouth as we kissed. Gradually, gently, Maggie lifted my t-shirt and bra up over both my breasts and over my head, throwing them off the bed. My skirt was already ruched up around my middle, showing my dampened knickers beneath. I hadn't planned to be seduced when I dressed that morning, so I was wearing very plain and unflattering white knickers. Maggie now knelt on the bed between my thighs and looked down at them and the darkened damp patch. "I want you so much," Rather stupidly, I replied "So take me" Which is exactly what Maggie did. She pulled off my skirt first and almost licked her lips as she eased my pants down. I lifted my bottom from the bed as she did so and my fuzz stood high and light brown in the sunshine. Maggie smiled and casting my underwear aside ran, her strong hands down my middle and over my fuzz. She dipped her head and kissed my navel lightly. "My turn. " she whispered. Off came her knitted top and the t-shirt. Her bra was delicately scalloped around the edge, presenting her large breasts forward with a deep cleavage line. As the bra came off, she looked at me and I watched these pendulous breasts wiggle deliciously. Her areola were large and deep pink with nipples that stood out large and proud. She looked down upon me smiling as she opened her jeans. She wiggled slightly to loosen them from her hips, and shucked them to the floor, her white pants matched her bra perfectly and defined her flat stomach and trim thighs perfectly. She slid them down and revealed again her close-cropped dark brown pubic hair through which I could see a pink-tinged fold. She lay upon me and we grappled out bodies together, by this point I was totally wet and my lips were hugely engorged, so when Maggie ran her ring finger up my slit, I nearly passed out from pleasure. Spreading my labia, fondling my clitoris, now inserting fingers into my vagina, Maggie was all over my most sensitive parts. I wanted to touch her as well, but her thighs were clamped tight around my leg and she squeezed herself regularly against me. I stroked her overwhelming breast as she fondled me and I longed to take her nipple in my mouth. At last she broke from me and I seized the initiative, rolling her back and lifting myself onto her. My mouth found her generous nipple and I lapped and suckled until it stood ruddy and erect from her bosom. Now I moved down, across her stomach and navel to her close-clipped hair. She smelt exquisitely musky and I buried my face into her prickly hair. Parting her lips gently with my fingers, my tongue made contact with her clitoris and her back arched with tension and pleasure. I looked up the length of her body to see her face smiling down at me, before her mouth formed the O' of pleasure again. She shifted again and as I looked up, I realized she was looking over my shoulder. I stopped my licking and glanced behind; Maggie was looking into the mirror behind me, watching me on my knees with my bum stuck out as I pleasured her. She looked at me in the mirror and raised her left eyebrow in her trademark style. I smiled and giggled at her in the mirror, then returned to paying attention to her pearl. On and on I licked and Maggie declined into that middle period of sex, just before the rise to orgasm. But here she came, muscles tightening and flexing, her hands gripping the duvet. Now with her hand on the back of my head, she gave a strangled moan as her thighs shook and twitched. With a gasp she threw herself back and flinched from me when I kissed her hood again -- she was just too sensitive. I looked at her fluid covered sex and into her vagina, had a baby passed this way, I wondered? Her raised knees allowed me to see the base of buttocks and I noticed creamy lines there; were they stretch marks? I knelt up and looked at her lying in her post orgasmic reverie, her chest was rising and falling as she breathed deeply and her breasts lay across her, spilling onto her arms. "Come here." And she lifted an arm to invite me to her. I quickly wiped my face on my arm and crawled up the bed to reach her as she pulled me into her embrace. We kissed again, but more gently this time. "That was wonderful. What can I do for you?' "Oh, I don't know. Do whatever you like.' And I smiled as she kissed me; whatever Maggie did would be alright with me. She rolled me onto my back, kissed my neck and bit my ear. "Shall I transform into a male with a ten-inch monster and ravish you!" And she ran her fingers tickling across my stomach and I squealed with laughter. "Just love me" She looked at me for a moment "I will." Her hand descended to my crotch again and I felt her delicate fingers explore my lips and the button between. I lifted my knees higher and splayed my thighs, Maggie transferred her had to my vagina, placing two fingers inside. "How does that feel?" as she pumped in and out. "Is it good?" "Oh, yes" I whispered. She looked at me intently withdrew her fingers and rolled between my thighs again. She straightened, stiffening herself against me, her mons rubbing my sensitive labia as she did so. She did it again. "Just stay there." She got up. "What is it?" I asked and began to sit up, closing my legs. "No, don't move. I'll be a second" I lay back down as Maggie slipped into the dressing room and I heard a draw rasp open. My knees went together as I lay there in the sun, wondering what she was doing.
She reappeared at the door with a triumphant expression. He held her hands in front of her and I thought for a moment she'd started to get dressed. But as she came back to the foot of the bed, she revealed herself. She had a harness around her pelvis with a curved phallus pointing straight ahead at me. I was incredulous, I'd never seen one before. Sensing my bewilderment, she turned slightly. "Look. It goes into me as well." And I saw that the purple penis was bent in a sharp angle and entered her as well. She reached down underneath and fiddled for a second, suddenly I heard buzzing; it was a vibrator too. She pushed my knees apart and lowered herself between my thighs. Kissing me gently, she whispered "Just relax. It'll feel wonderful." The dildo touched my mons and rustled my frizz. It felt hard but not cold, as I had imagined. She withdrew it and using a hand as a guide, she gently placed it between my lips at the very entrance to my vagina. A little thrust and it went in further than I expected. I breathed in sharply and held Maggie's shoulders tightly. "Just relax and let it in easily." Maggie's face was above me, her hair falling onto my shoulders and her breasts swinging forward to cover my own. She thrust again and I raised my knees further, opening myself to the monster, I felt stretched and it even hurt a little to begin with, but I was so wet and it vibrated so well, that the hurt was overplayed by vicious pleasure. The vibrations sent shivers into the very core of me, my mouth opened in the involuntary `O'. Maggie thrust again. I couldn't believe it could go any further in without splitting me in half and the vibration infected my entire body with passion. She thrust more and her mouth descended onto mine as we jointly experienced that thrilling stab to the stomach. I twisted to look into the mirror behind her as Maggie had done earlier and I saw my own thighs thrown high in the air with Maggie's thighs parted too and the purple monster disappearing into her as he thrust into me. Her thighs and bottom flexed and stretched as she thrust into me; it was lasciviously erotic. On and on she went, thrusting and stretching into me and into herself. We dissolved into liquid receptors, receiving lengths of emotion into our most private selves. The oft-repeated stab went on and on as we approached our orgasms. There are no words I can use to describe the climb towards ecstasy that do justice to the journey. It doesn't matter how I write, the journey is visceral, bloody and tangible. And delicious. I wanted her and that plastic appendage even deeper inside me. She would thrust and I would respond, sending the purple missile back into her vagina. Vibrating as it did so, the dildo lifted us higher in unison I was coming. More and more, my very being ached for the climax. As she thrust at me, I pulled her mouth down and sucked her tongue into me, starting to shake and shiver as I came. I screamed into her mouth, digging my nails into her pounding buttocks, and Maggie achieved her orgasm too. She stiffened and splayed her thighs wider and wider, pushing the phallus deeper and deeper into both of us, and her boobs trembled onto mine. Suddenly she went rigid against me and a guttural cry tore it's way out of her. And in that second her passion was spent, the tension of our sex was dispelled. She collapsed on top of me gasping and twitching from aftershocks. I lay beneath her clutching her at her desperately as our mouths rained kisses on each other's faces, necks and shoulders.
Maggie rolled to one side and reached beneath the harness to switch the vibrator off. Gently she slid the elastic harness down her hips a little to remove the shorter part of the dildo from vagina. "A wonderful device!" She gasped and I smiled and nodded. Reaching down I grasped the part that had been in me. The plastic was warm and soft to the touch and my juices had made it wet and sticky. The harness itself was wet where Maggie had leaked upon it too. She pushed it down below her knees, kicked it onto the floor and snuggled in to me. "Are you sore?" She asked as she gently trailed her fingers down my pubic slit. "A little. I wasn't really ready for it at first -- it was bigger than I thought" Maggie looked down and arranged my labia carefully. "I saw you on the beach" she murmered. "I know, I saw you too." "I mean, I saw you when the boys were there. You had your knees drawn up to hide these." And she gave my lips a little stroke. "And you were paying more attention to Queenie and the others showing off than you were to the boys . . . That's how I knew." She looked up into my eyes. "Oh god, was I that obvious?" "Only to me. Probably because I knew what to look for. But I knew I wanted you." Her fingers were ever so gently stroking me again. Just trailing up and down over my pubis. Every time they reached my prominent clitoris I couldn't help but shiver. "I love this." she whispered, taking my clit delicately between thumb and forefinger. "I want to suck you here. Can you stand it?" "I think so, if you're gentle" She rustled her way down my body and I waited with expectation for her embrace. There was the softest feeling on my clitoris, gentle and delicate. Raising my head, I looked down the length of my body, to where Maggie lay between my thighs. Her tongue was extended as far as she could reach and the very tip rested on the tip of my raised clitoris. She raised her eyes to mine and smiled. She brought her hand between my thighs now and took my clitoris between thumb and forefinger, gently rubbing back and forth. All the while she looked up at me watching my face for signs of pleasure. Now her face went down again and her tongue extended to touch me, lick me. She moved closer yet and took my clitoris between her lips pulling and sucking as she did so. I felt her pressing her face against my stomach and her lips sliding along my clitoris. Maggie continued to nuzzle and suck in the most exciting way imaginable until I began to flex my thighs involuntarily. Now she lifted her mouth from me and I looked down at her and was amazed to see how big my clitoris was, the little button was now a shaft standing nearly half an inch proud of my hood. "You've got an erection!" she giggled and descended once more. She gave my labia a tug with her lips before returning to my waiting shaft, no longer just a pearl. She pushed and suckled and licked as I began the climb to ecstasy. My thighs twitched apart and I held my boobs to stop them from shaking. I was coming again. Pushing forwards and upwards with my pubis, my pelvis rose from the bed to Maggie's mouth and I squealed as the orgasm claimed me. But now suddenly spent and sore, I pushed her mouth away from me, falling back onto the bed. I was exhausted, sweaty and disgusting, but I pulled Maggie up the bed towards me to hold and kiss her in thanks. Our mouths engaged and I tasted myself on her lips and mouth. Her hair was matted to her face by my juices and her saliva and I wanted to kiss away every drop. My thighs were still apart and Maggie nestled between them as our excitement ebbed away into languor and tiredness. "Beautiful" she whispered. "Thank you, that was gorgeous." I replied. The warm sun still filled the room and we lay in the glow of sun and happy sex and went to sleep. I wanted to stay there forever.
"What the hell is this, Maggie? For chrissake, she's only a bloody child! Robbie, get back downstairs!" Maggie shot up next to me as I began to take in my surroundings again. The colour of the room had changed from gold to grey as the sun had moved around and no longer shone into the bedroom. I wondered how long we'd been asleep. "Oh god, Paul. Don't say anything -- don't be cross." Maggie swept her legs of the bed and crouched to sort out her clothes on the floor. At the door stood a man, rough-dressed and bristling with anger. I tried to cover myself from his eyes, but he stared at me. "How old are you?" "Sixteen" I lied. "Get dressed and get out!" He stamped back down the stairs, leaving us to fumble out or clothes and recover from the shock. "He wasn't supposed to be back for hours." I found my watch "It's half past four!" I squealed, looking at Maggie in horror. "Shit!" Knickers and jeans on, Maggie kicked her bra under the bed and pulled her t-shirt over her head. I dressed as quick as I could, but I had to don bra and knickers in case Mum was in the cottage when I got back. We clattered down the stairs and I followed Maggie through the kitchen. The man -- who I guessed was Maggie's husband -- stood in the kitchen glowering into the distance as we passed. "I'm taking her back" Maggie called over her shoulder as we passed. He made no reply. Out in the yard, Maggie said "Where's Robbie" and looked about. I spotted a little boy peeping round the open barn door. "Is that him?" Maggie whirled around and followed my gaze. "Robbie, Mum's going into the town for a few minutes -- I've got to take my friend home. Is that all right?" I saw the little lad nod slowly. Maggie hurried across the yard to him, knelt and hugged him. I could see her talking to him, but could hear nothing. One more kiss and she stood up and came trotting back. Now a Land Rover was parked behind the MGB "We'll have to take this." Shouted Maggie and stalked around to the driver's side. We got in and slammed the doors. Maggie crashed the gears and reversed out of the yard at tremendous speed. We shot up the lane, the hedgerows thrashing against the sides of the van. There was a toy gun on the floor, I leant forward and picked it up. "He's a pretty boy, how old is he?" "Eight last May." She shot a look across to me and smiled through pursed lips. "Didn't expect that did you? Me, married with a son and seducing young girls!" I didn't know what to say. I hadn't taken in the realization that Maggie was married -- to a man. "You can be both, you know. Like boys and girls equally." She looked across again. "We have an understanding," she began "Paul lets me have my fun as long as it doesn't interfere with him or Robbie." "Is that what you call me? Fun!" I was shocked. "No! No, please. I don't know what to call it. I love girls as well as men, but I have a child who needs a stable home." "That's not what you just showed him" I retorted and bit my lip at my own stupidity immediately. Maggie swung the Land Rover left off the road into a field entrance. I thought she was going to be angry, but she wasn't, she was just hopeless. "I love Paul and I love Robbie. It's just that every now and then I want to be loved differently. And sometimes, I just find someone I want to love very much indeed." Now tears sprang from both eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "Oh shit!" And she dabbed at her eyes, trying to dispel the tears. Now I noticed the wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and her disheveled hair. She leant forward, holding onto the wheel and without a restraining bra, her breasts swung forward and down towards her waist as well. Older maybe, but certainly not wiser. We sat in silence for a few minutes as Maggie sniffled and wiped. Eventually she gathered herself, preparing to drive off. A bus went past as she waited. "Let's get you home." "It's not my home, Maggie. I'm really going home next week. And then back to school." "School. That was a long time ago for me. Oh god, you're sixteen what am I doing?" With a scant look over her shoulder she gunned the Land Rover back onto the road. "It's not just girls your age. But sometime, I feel I need the warmth and love of another woman. Not a man forcing himself on you, no primping and painting myself just to please him. I just want the love of a woman." She glanced over. I glared back. What should have been a loving conclusion to the day was turning ugly. And I wasn't helping, I knew. "You wait. It'll come to you too." "I thought I was more to you than just tits and a cunt. I thought you were interested in me." Her face crumpled and the tears flowed unabated down her cheeks. "It's not like that. You know it's not. Oh Rachel, don't believe that of me!" Now we were descending the hill into town. I wanted to be rid of her company immediately. "Pull over here. I'll walk." She slowed the van. "Please don't be cross. Let's just talk." I stared ahead. "Pull over here!" She stopped the van at the curb, and I opened the door. "Rachel, please!" I stopped and looked over my shoulder at Maggie. Her tear-stained face looked even older, and her imploring seemed desperate. I was revolted. "Kiss me goodbye, at least" Slowly, I shook my head and very softly I said "No."
I got back to the cottage at five minutes to five, according to my watch. Mum wasn't back and of course I didn't have a key. I was ravenously hungry and needed food desperately. I walked further into the town ad stopped at the baker where I bought the last two jam doughnuts on display. They were getting dry already, but they tasted so good to me then. I munched both doughnuts on my way back to the Market Square and plonked myself on the bench just along from the cottage, thinking about Maggie. Was it possible that I could be like her in fifteen years or so? Picking up girls for a quick flurry before beetling back to husband? I couldn't imagine it, but the necessity of hiding my sexuality worried me again. Just a few seconds later Mum came bustling along with Little Brother. "Darling, sorry! Have you been waiting long? He lost his binoculars and we had to go back!" "Hi Mum, no not too long. It's ok, honestly." She unlocked the door and in we went. I headed straight for the bathroom to have a wee and brush my teeth, hopefully that would hide the musky, sweaty smell of stale sex. Next, I wanted a cup of tea.
The next day was the day for Mum to take Toby to be with his father. I refused to come; I just did not want to see my father ever again. I still felt abandoned and betrayed; my absolute and child's love for him had been shattered forever when he left. It wasn't just that he'd left Mum, I felt he'd left me as well. So I stayed in the cottage, and as the rain fell I only went out to get something for us to eat that evening. I remade the bed in the back bedroom and moved my clothes out of the front bedroom I had shared with Mum. Mum returned in the car at about 6 and I made her some tea, insisting that I'd make dinner too. After the episode with Maggie, I needed to feel that I had some worth as well in addition to my sexuality, and so when Mum realized that I'd spent the day dusting, cleaning and hoovering my heart swelled with received love and appreciation. The following day dawned damp but drying, and we decided to celebrate our femaleness with a full day's shopping in Plymouth. While the day started cool, by early afternoon it was sweltering in the concrete city. We played with cosmetics, tried on clothes, had lunch and generally bonded in older sister/younger sister mode again. On the way home, we listened to the weather forecast for the next day; fine, clear and warm. "Let's go to that beach of yours! I could do with a tan." Oh no. My heart fell through the floor. "Mum, it is nude only." "Fine by me!"
I had though she wouldn't go through with it. Or perhaps she'd keep a pair of flesh-coloured knickers on. But no, Mum stripped off -- standing up as well -- to the buff. I looked up at her as she stood before me. Her boobs were higher and tighter than Maggie's, belly a little bigger, and then- "Mum! You're trimmed too!" My mother had trimmed her pubic hair very closely indeed. Her sex was plainly visible between the short brown hair. Oh god. "I got the idea from you, daughter dear! Seemed appropriate somehow; shave a bit and somehow seem to show less. I don't know." She spread her towel and lay on the shingle beside me, face down. "Squirt some anti-burn stuff on me will you. It's in my bag." I ferreted around in the bag, found a tube and squirted some on her shoulders. The aroma of coconut filled the air; I loved it. I spread the cream across her shoulders and down her back. But I had to take a deep breath before rubbing it across her buttocks and thighs. Relieved that the ordeal was over, I lay on my back and spread artificial coconut oil over my skin as well. As the morning slipped into early afternoon, the beach grew hotter and hotter. The cove was populated by no more than three couples and half a dozen singles so we all had plenty of `privacy' space between us. No-one could feel overlooked or spied upon. But I still felt a little uncomfortable laying next to my naked mother. She turned over and spread sun cream on her boobs and stomach. I couldn't help it, I sat up and looked at her, spread out before me. Her boobs parted on her chest, leaning towards her armpits, but her nipples remained light pink on her skin, just like mine. Lower, her body showed the passage of pregnancy with fine stretch mark each side of her belly. Her clipped pubis stood proud of her stomach and I thought I could see labia protruding from her slit as mine did. "Looking into the future?" Mum had opened one eye open to look at me. "Mm?" I looked away embarrassed. "I thought you were seeing how your body would look in twenty years' time." I giggled nervously, but glad of the diversion. "I suppose so. But Mum, I think you still look great" She laughed. "I think I'll take that as a compliment!"
After lunch I had to cool off in the sea; it was just too hot there on the shingle. I'd brought Little Brother's goggles and flippers with me so I put them on and backed into the water. I knew how ridiculous I looked; covered on the face, covered on the feet and totally naked in between! I slipped into the waves and breast-stroked out on the lazy surf for twenty or thirty yards. I flipped over onto my back and just drifted in the cool water. There's no feeling like swimming naked. The water flows with you and through you without the encumbrance of clothing to restrict it. My hair spread out around me in the water forming a halo about my head; it felt wonderful. I turned on my front again and dived. And suddenly I was among angels. A million tiny silver fish swam past me so closely that I could not see my hand in front of my face. I felt the current of the swimming mass all over my body. I turned about and they turned too, becoming silver and then transparent according to the sun. In another moment they were gone. I surfaced excited to tell Mum what I had seen. As I looked towards the land I identified her on the beach and realized that someone was stooping over her in conversation. I didn't hurry in, but I wanted to know who dared approach my Mum. In the shallows, as I clumsily removed the flippers, I saw the figure to be male. He was around thirty, with a good muscular body and plenty of gold hair and an allover tan. I trudged up the beach. "This is my daughter Rachel." Mum beamed at me and at him. "Rachel, this is . . ." "Robbie." He interjected My head jerked up and I stumbled out a Hello'. Coincidental names; just coincidence. I sat down and dried myself with the towel, and I ignored my mother's conversation with this interloper. But now she sat up, and hugged one knee and then the other, turning left and right before him, exactly as Queenie and Cathy had done on the same spot. I was aghast. My mother was giving a man sex signals. From the corner of my eye, I observed her pressing one thigh to her breast, stretching the other out before her and showing her lips between. She was being girly', enjoying the attention and wanting to be admired. It's not that I thought that my Mum was beyond the age for sex. It's just that I was surprised to see her reflexes in operation so openly. My Dad had left her more than a year before and I hadn't been aware of her expressing any needs for sex or companionship since then. But then I wouldn't, would I? I was too busy figuring out my own sexuality and dealing with hormones fizzing and sparking through my body like uncontrollable fireworks.
On the Saturday, feeling increasingly frustrated and guilty over Maggie I wandered over to the boat hire kiosk to see Eloise. She smiled and said hello, but didn't seem terribly pleased to see me. "I wondered if you and the others wanted to go to the beach again tomorrow-- I'm going back to London next week." "Not sure if it's a good idea to ask them, Rachel." And she gave me a long look. In the silence that followed I floundered around trying to work out what she meant and how things had changed. "We saw you. With Maggie." Oh no. I put out my hand for steadiness onto the counter-top. "We were on a bus, and we saw you with her in the Land Rover." The world shrank and twisted; I was exposed. "It doesn't matter to me, Rachel. You can love whoever you want. But the others don't like girls who like girls, and I've got to live here after you've gone home. I'm sorry." She put out her hand and just touched her finger onto the back of my hand. Just one touch. "I'm sorry, Rae. I don't think we should go to the beach again."
I turned away in silence and walked a little further down the quay, and sat at a vacant bench facing the water. The disastrous parting with Maggie had sealed my fate in both directions. I'd been a bitch to her and allowed myself to be vicious and spiteful, almost for fun. Certainly for no benefit to myself as Eloise and Cathy and Queenie had seen me in Maggie's company. Quite logically they had reached a conclusion. They found me guilty by association, whereas I knew myself to be just plain guilty. Now I wanted to go home; not back to the cottage, but home to London. I wanted to return to the familiar territory of Hillie, JJ and school. My feelings for Nikki were fading, as I secretly had known they would. At least she had left the rest of my London world intact, whereas my mistake here with Maggie had shattered everything here.
Mum dropped a bombshell of a different kind when I got back to the cottage. Would I mind awfully if she went out for the evening with Robbie. She was so excited, I couldn't possibly say that I did mind. In fact, I felt so miserable with myself that an evening of mindless television and eating yogurt really appealed to me. I was due for my period very soon and starting to feel bloated and sludgy as always. Mum spent ages in the bathroom and upstairs getting ready. She hadn't had time to get her hair done or anything, so she'd fussed it around with some kind of home treatment, and it looked fine. At last I heard her coming downstairs. "Do I look ok?" She looked fine. Blondish hair swept back, v-neck black top, terracotta trousers and high-heeled black sandals. Plus a single string of real pearls around her neck, pearl earrings and bracelet. She carried a black leather bag and draped a black blouson round her shoulders. "Be good. I'll be back around midnight, so don't wait up" "Have fun, Mum. Bye."
All alone I ate supper in front of the telly. I got my sketchbook, and unhooked the mirror from the bathroom wall and settled down to do a self-portrait. Somewhere in the middle of the late film, I must have fallen asleep, because when Mum gently woke me the television was fizzing at the end of the evening's broadcast. She leant over me brushing my hair away from my eyes. "Wake up Miss Sleepy, time to go up to bed." I opened my eyes and tried to make sense of what I saw. Sitting up I began to shuffle off towards my bedroom. My mouth tasted sour and disgusting, but I couldn't be bothered to brush my teeth. I sloughed my clothes and got into bed. I looked at my watch; it was a quarter to four in the morning. This was strange enough, but the oddest thing was that when Mum had gone out that evening, her black top was the right way out, but when she returned and woke me she was wearing it inside out.
Mum saw Robbie several more times before the end of the holiday. She looked happier than I had seen her for years, it was obvious that just having a man who valued her had done wonders to her self-esteem. She half-discussed the idea of staying on a few more days, whereas all I wanted to do was get home. But the sheer practicalities of finding another cottage or flat in the summer season put paid to that idea and we packed up to go home as planned. Me eagerly, she dolefully.
At home there were several letters waiting for me. Two from Hillie, the first one looking forward to going up north with Vernon for some `do' at Guy's parents' home. But the second was just a couple of days old and she seemed so miserable "everything has gone wrong", and I knew I had to phone her. There were surprise letters, too; one from Bernadette, sent from Ireland, full of clues and nods; and one from Guy bemoaning the recent events and wanting to see me. I couldn't wait. I had to phone Hillie immediately to find out what on earth had happened.
"Are you alright?" "I suppose." "What happened at Guy's?" "It was a sort of formal do. Y'know, everyone dressed up with a dance band on the lawn -- huge country estate." "Sounds great!" "I got a bit merry. Well actually I passed out." "Oh, Hillie." "It just got worse from there." "What do you mean?" "I woke up and my dress was up and I felt y'know squashy, down there. And Vernon was there with his trousers down. Oh god he" And her voice dissolved into sobs and tears. She almost broke my heart there and then. I wanted to be with her at that moment to comfort her and kiss away the awfulness. "I'm coming over." "No! No, I'll see you at school, not before."
Next I called Guy. A cultured voice answered and asked my name. I gave it and waited for what seemed like years. At last I heard footsteps close to the phone and a rattle as someone picked up the receiver. "Rachel! Darling how are you?" "Guy? What's happened?" "Thank god you've called. All this has got quite ugly. Don't really know what's going to happen next or what." "Guy. Tell me what happened" And it all came spilling out in sentences and phrases to which I listened and re-constructed into a logical order. The occasion was Guy's parents' Silver wedding do. It was a grand affair at something he called the Castle' with a marquee on the lawn, luncheon for 150 guests, a dance band, a brass band, a disco in the evening and barbecue for the kids and hangers-on. It seems that after the formal lunch, Hillie carried on with the vodka martini's with disastrous results. After laughing hysterically during the speeches, she slipped ungraciously beneath the table and was heard throwing up on the grass. Vernon and others helped carry her to a first floor bedroom overlooking the lawns where she was put to bed. Some time later during the late afternoon, a piercing scream was heard from the upstairs of the castle. Guy and his brothers, Horatio and Charles pounded up the staircase and into the room where the sound came from. And there sat Hillie, on the end of the bed with her clothing awry and Master Vernon with his trousers down and his willy out, kneeling on the floor between her legs. End of story. Hillie claimed she was raped, Vernon swore she consented. Six of one, half a dozen of the other? But as half the society of the county was at the gathering, the Chief Constable had to initiate an enquiry. "Which is where it stands at the moment. Awful isn't it?" "Yes, quite hideous. What did your parents say?" "Mama was not impressed, but Pops was a lot more stoical. Organised Horatio and me to close the gates immediately, Charlie to take all car registrations etcetera. You know, proper Army procedures." "Who do you believe, Guy?" "Don't know. Vernon's plonker enough to do it, but she seems enough of a tease to call foul'. Don't know. Rotten business." "Hillie wouldn't!" He grunted non-committantly. "I'd love to come and see you. Would that be convenient? Name your day, of course" "Guy, let me think about this. I mean I'd love you to come, but I need a few days to unwind and sort things out. Besides, I want to see Hillie." "Yes of course. Of course you do. I'll call you towards next week. See if you're free."
I sat on the stairs in a daze. Had Hillie been raped? Had she consented? Knowing her, but not knowing the circumstances I couldn't guess, I just prayed she wasn't pregnant.
Twelve days away: the first day of the school term. I couldn't wait
_______________________________________________________________________________ There will be one more part of Rachel at school -- I know that's not what I wrote before, but other things have surfaced. Then I shall move on to my story at Art School. Hope you enjoy this. Tell me what you think via rachelfrizz@hotmail.co.uk. Bye, Rae.