Here I am again with Question of Faith part 12. I have to say that the story grows on me and according to the number of feedback I got other people like it too. Thank you all for the positive and creative feedback.
Trace, I can't thank you enough. I love you. Toby, same to you.
Disclaimer: this is my mind doing some creative rambling. In my mind they are gay, in reality not. Or they are doing a good job hiding it. And I have nothing to do with the band, their management.
Question of faith part 12
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The tour suddenly became hectic. At first Justin would do with Richie to the stadium but he couldn't listen to all the fans screaming his name, begging him to come back. He started to stay behind in the hotel. He wouldn't let anyone near part from Richie, Nick, Julia, and Billie and till a certain length Lexie. He had written a long letter to all the members of Nsync but JC. He had explained them his reasons. And he had urged them to leave him alone for a while. And so they did.
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Nick was confused. One part of him was angry. Angry with Kevin for hurting him so bad. The other part was telling him to move on. To let him go. Nick sighed. Life wasn't easy at all. He stared in his coke. The liquid was getting warm. He wished he was able to order something stronger to drown his sorrows with. He glanced around the small hotel bar. Nick's heart skipped a beat. Kevin was sitting on the other end of the bar. He was smoking a cigarette and seemed to be waiting for someone. Nick was hypnotised by every action Kevin made. Suddenly he started to smile. A blonde man walked towards Kevin. Nick frowned. They shook hands and talked for a minute. Kevin picked up his wallet and gave the man money. Nick's face dropped. Kevin guided the man out of the bar. Nick cursed. Another hooker. Nick had heard the sounds at night but he had never seen one. It was as if he had looked in a mirror. The hooker looked just like him.
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A ticking clock was the only sound heard in the room. One man was bend over his notes. The other was boiling inside. The clock made a irritating noise. He wanted to rip it off the wall and crush it under his feet. He let out an angry sigh. The other man looked up.
'Is something wrong JC?'
JC shook his head.
The therapist sat up straight again. 'Tell me again about the feelings you felt when you first had your outburst of anger.'
JC stared at his hands. 'It was a kick. I felt so good afterwards. I saw the pain and fear and my adrenaline was pumping. It was even better that the feeling I get after a concert. I was on a high for at least an hour.'
The therapist made a few notes. 'Than what happened?'
'I wanted more. I wanted to feel like that again. Each time I got angry the rush would come back. I tried to ignore it but it felt so good.'
JC paused for a second.
'I felt sorry for what I did but that only lasted a second. After the rush kicked in I was gone.'
The therapist nodded. 'Did you ever think about the consequences?'
JC looked at the man. 'I got scared. I woke up one night with my hands around Lexie's neck. She didn't notice but I got so scared.'
JC wiped away an angry tear.
'I know what I did was wrong but I had to feel the rush again. I feel so good than. Justin was an easy victim. Each time I looked at him an blazing angry would rise inside me.'
JC closed his eyes. 'What if I hurt Lexie for real? Or our child?'
The therapist cleared his throat. 'We have to work on your anger. We have to find a way where you can release your anger and don't hurt anyone.'
He scribbled something down on his notes.
'The first step is to stay away from Justin. Give him time to heal and give yourself time to cool down. The second step is a pillow.'
JC raised an eyebrow.
'Each time you feel the anger rise, you grab a pillow and beat the shit out of it. It can't feel anything and you can release your anger without hurting anyone.'
JC chuckled. He could just imagine the looks on the guy's face when they would walk in on him beating up a pillow.
'The third thing I want you to do is write down why you are angry. What the situation was and how it started. Keep a diary.'
The therapist rose to his feet.
'I want to meet you again next week. I'm having daily sessions with Justin. If he is up to it, I want to have a session with you both.'
JC nodded.
'Now go and find a big fluffy pillow and make sure it doesn't hit you back.'
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'Are you sure Justin will join us tonight?' Asked Scott while he and Richie waited for the elevator to arrive.
Richie nodded. 'He has been locked inside hotels for the past weeks. I'm sure he would love to go somewhere new.'
Scott glanced at the ever-growing crowd of journalists who camped out side together with the fans. 'Maybe it would make things easier if he would talk to them.'
Richie shrugged. 'He is not ready to talk to them yet.' 'I think the fans deserve a better explanation.'
Richie looked at Scott. 'Can we talk about something else?'
'So how can Justin come swimming with us with his arm?'
Richie waiting until they had stepped inside the elevator to answer the question. 'He has this plastic bag with a rubber ring. It keeps his arm dry. He uses it to shower.'
The elevator arrived on their floor and the two young men got out.
'I just need to get me trunks and I'll meet you here.' Scott bounced off to his room.
Richie had to smile. That guy had way too much energy. Richie searched his pockets for his room key. He opened the door and turned on the light. He walked to the desk and threw his coat and bag on the chair. He saw Justin reflected in the mirror. He was sleeping. Slowly Richie turned around. Something was wrong. Justin was lying on his back. He clutched a pill bottle in his hand. Several pills were scattered over the bed. Richie froze and let out a blood-chilling scream.
'Oh god Justin.'
He ran to the bed and pulled the numb body in his arms.
'Please wake up.'
The door to the room was thrown open and Scott raced in.
'What's going on?'
Richie looked at him with tears in his eyes.
'He took all the pills.'
Richie rocked back and forth, holding Justin in a tight grip.
Scott ran his hand through his hair.
'Help! I'll get help.'
He dashed from the room again.
Richie touched Justin's cheek. He still felt warm.
'Why? Why didn't you tell me you wanted to do this?'
Richie pressed his cheek against Justin.
'I need you here Jus. I can't live without you.'
Suddenly Justin stirred. Richie slowly raised his head.
'Justin?'
Justin's eyelids fluttered. He opened his eyes and closed them again. Scott ran back into the room, Lance followed a second later.
'Is he okay?'
Richie looked at them.
'He just moved.'
Lance sank in a chair. 'So he didn't kill himself?'
'Or he tried to but didn't succeed.' Whispered Scott.
Richie softly shook Justin.
'Justin, wake up.'
Justin tried to turn around but Richie held him firmly in place. Justin opened his eyes again and looked at Richie. He raised his hand and brushed a tear away.
'You are crying.'
'Why did you do it?'
Justin frowned.
'What did I do? Did I talk in my sleep?'
'Justin, you are holding an empty pill bottle.'
Justin looked at Scott. 'What are you two doing here?'
'You scared me. I thought you tried to kill yourself.'
Richie hugged Justin.
'My arm was hurting. I took one of those combo pills. You know the painkillers and sleeping pills. They must work really fast.'
Justin looked over Richie's shoulder at Lance and Scott.
'I would never leave you like that.'
Richie sniffled.
Justin wiggled free from the strangling hug. 'I'm okay. My arm was hurting that's all.'
Lance and Scott sighed with relief.
'Does this mean you'll come swimming with us? They have this really cool swimming paradise in town and it's ours for the evening.'
Justin looked confused.
'Just say yes.' Whispered Richie.
Justin slowly nodded in approval.
Scott jumped and nearly dragged Lance out of the room.
'Get your trunks and be downstairs in five!'
A knock on the door interrupted Kevin in his brooding session. He was getting quite good at it. He would sit on the couch with all the lights but one off. He'd have a glass of Glenfiddich in his one hand and a cigarette in his other. Kevin sighed. He knew from experience that once someone decided to talk to him they would stay until he had opened the door. He rose to his feet and opened the door.
'Julia.'
Kevin looked at the woman he despised most on this tour.
'May I come in?'
Kevin pushed the door a bit further open. Julia stepped inside the dark room.
'What are you doing here, Julia? Comparing notes?'
Julia looked at him with a shocked look. 'Nick and I will never ever have a sexual relationship together.'
Kevin snorted. 'Yeah right.'
'Nick is gay.'
Julia stared at the ground.
'And I'm married.'
It took a whole lot of self control to make sure Kevin's jaw didn't fall on the ground.
'Married?' He stuttered.
Julia sat down on the bed. 'Let me introduce myself first. My name is Julia Flanders Littrell.'
'Littrell?' Echoed Kevin. 'Brian never told me he had a cousin named Julia.'
Julia looked at him with a sad look in her eyes. 'I had to change my name. Remember Cousin Nicola?'
Again Kevin's jaw nearly dropped to the ground. 'Nicola moved to Australia for a high school year and stayed there.'
Julia shook her head. 'I was abandoned from the family.'
Kevin frowned. 'How? Why? What?'
'I fell in love with the wrong guy. You know the southern way of thinking. If god says it is bad that is has to be bad.'
Kevin walked to the mini bar and poured them a drink. 'Why was he wrong?'
'He was black.'
Kevin shivered hearing the cold tone in Julia's voice.
'I was only 16 and when I didn't want to leave him my family kicked me out. Brian kept in touch over the years. Helping out when ever he could.'
Kevin handed her the glass.
'Dennis and I don't have it easy but we have each other.'
'Where is Dennis now and why are you here?'
Julia smiled at Kevin. 'Dennis had to going to navy training for 5 months. Brian introduced me to BJ and she got me the job as Nick's personal assistant.'
Kevin took a zip of his drink. 'And Jane has no idea who you are?'
Julia shook her head. 'See Kevin, my parents forced me to choose between Dennis and my family. I made the best decision. If I had to do again I would choose him again.'
Julia saw pain flash in Kevin's eyes.
'I'm sorry Kevin. I didn't mean to open old wounds.'
'Than why are you here?' He asked in a hoarse voice.
'I'm here to tell you I'm not the enemy. Nick is giving up on you and I know there is still a spark between you two.'
Kevin shook his head. 'I don't need Nick. I don't love him anymore.'
Julia tilted her head to the side. 'Kevin will you do me a favour?'
He shrugged.
'Call me as soon as you believe that yourself.'
'Stop tickling me.' Giggled Nick.
Julia moved her hands a bit higher while she guided Nick through the hotel.
'Can I take this off?' Asked Nick, tugging at his blindfold.
'No.' Julia led him to the stairs.
'Why do I need to be blindfolded? Are the stars in England so much different?'
'You'll see the most beautiful thing ever when you get up there.' Whispered Julia in his ear.
They climbed the stairs and Julie opened the door.
'Now be quiet.'
Julia took his blindfold off. Nick blinked a few times and looked around. They were on the roof. And indeed he saw the most beautiful thing ever. Kevin was standing with his back towards him. His leather-clad legs were slightly spread. He was talking to Brian, totally unaware of Nick and Julia.
'Oh there you are.' Brian greeted them.
Kevin turned around. His eyes narrowed when he saw Nick.
Brian walked to Julia. 'We decided it was time you two had a little chat. We don't want you to come done until you both say what's in your heart.'
Before they could protest Brian and Julia had disappeared. Nick stared at the closed door. He made a mental note to kill Brian when he came down. Nick looked at Kevin.
'Kevin.'
'Nick.'
They started talking at the same time.
'You go first.' Said Kevin.
'I had nothing to do with this.' Said Nick in a defensive voice.
'I didn't say anything.'
Nick shrugged. 'Just in case you think I have.'
Kevin sighed. 'Maybe they are right. Maybe we should talk.'
Nick shrugged again. 'Maybe we should.'
'So...'
Nick and Kevin didn't know where to start. The silence was deafening. Nick felt uneasy.
'I love you.' He suddenly blurted.
His blue eyes met Kevin's green ones. Kevin couldn't remember who took the first step but suddenly they were standing close together. He could feel Nick's body heat. Kevin raised his hand and touched Nick's face.
'When I woke up all those years ago and saw you crying at my side I knew that I loved you. I was the luckiest man on earth when you loved me too. I thought this, us would last forever. I thought we had a strong relationship. I thought nothing could tear us apart.'
Nick covered Kevin's hand with his. He moved it to his mouth and kissed the palm of Kevin's hand.
'We can still make it work.' Nick's voice drifted off.
Kevin bent forward and captured his lips in a tender kiss. A moan escaped Nick and he wrapped his arms around Kevin's neck. Kevin was the first to break the kiss.
'I know what I did was unforgivable. I tried to forget you. I tried to erase the memory of you.'
Nick shook his head. 'I understand. I can't say it didn't hurt cause it did.'
Kevin closed his eyes.
'You changed so much.'
'I though if I could make you hate me I could forget you. I was stupid.'
Nick kissed his closed eyelids. 'I could never hate you.'
Kevin opened his eyes and saw nothing but love in Nick's eyes.
Suddenly Nick started laughing.
'What is so funny?' Asked Kevin with a confused look on his face.
'I could just shout out that I love you.'
Nick slipped his arms from Kevin's neck and walked to the edge of the roof. He stepped on the ridge.
'Do you think the guests would appreciate me screaming that I love you from here.' He asked Kevin with a smile.
Kevin tried to keep a straight face but a little smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He looked at Nick.
'Nick?'
he young man looked at him with a smile on his face.
'I just need to know one thing.'
Nick nodded.
'If you had to do it all over again would you make the same choice?'
Nick's eyes clouded. His gaze turned away.
'I...'
Kevin raised his hands. 'Never mind Nick. I know enough. This is not going to work. I don't want to go through all that pain again.'
'You don't understand.' Whispered Nick. 'I need my family. But I need you too. I love you.'
Nick's gaze slowly returned to Kevin's face.
He had a look of hurt on his face. 'Than ban me out of your heart. Stop loving me.'
'I can't.' Cried Nick. 'You are not just in my heart. You are a part of my body and soul.'
Kevin fought back tears.
'Can't we just keep it a secret. They don't need to know.'
'The last time we kept it a secret I ended up arrested.'
Suddenly Kevin saw a movement in the corner of his eyes. There was someone else on the roof. He wondered how much that person had seen and heard. The person came closer and Kevin recognised Nick's mother.
'Nick step down please.'
Nick shook his head. 'No, I love you and I want you.'
Jane stepped into the light of the moon. 'Nick.'
Nick looked at his mother with a shocked look on his face. 'What are you doing here?'
Jane sighed. 'You know why I am here.'
Nick shook his head.
'Go please.' He whispered.
'Nick you made promise. You have to keep your promise.'
'Don't make me choose between Kevin and my family again.' Screamed Nick, tears streaming down his face.
'Nick please get down.' Begged Kevin.
Jane stepped closer to Nick. Nick took a step back in a reflex, forgetting he was already on the edge of the building. With a blood-chilling scream Nick fell. Kevin's name froze on his lips just before he drifted off in unconsciousness.
To be continued...
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