That day with Robert ended our games. Each of the six of us became more private. We did not talk about sex stuff together. James and I still had our discussions but even James did not want to talk about anything involving sex. In spite of being humiliated I kind of missed it.
Out of the blue one day James wanted to talk about sex. He started with a question, "Are you a queer?" This pissed me off and I asked him why he would ask a question like that. He said he heard, "That sperm caused pregnancy." He asked his brother about that and his brother said, "If a girls gets sperm thy can get pregnant but if a boy gets it they become queer. He said, "You have my brother's sperm inside you so I guess you will become queer."
This statement and the thought that I liked the games had a large impact on me as I entered puberty. I was an alter boy and had to go to confession at least once a week and I was obsessed with playing with my cock. I did this as often as I could but was not willing to confess this each week, so I kept a count of how many times I did it. This way if I started dying I could make one confession of the times I did it. The Catholic guilt and the mixed signals my body were sending me were driving me crazy and I had to talk to someone but it could not be one of my friends.
I decided Robert would be the one who could answer my questions. One Saturday I asked Robert if I could talk to him. We went to the fort alone. I was nervous when I asked him, "When you corn holed me you shot your sperm in me and James said that was going to make me queer. I'm kind of scared. My dick is hard all the time now and I can't stop playing with it. It just feels too good. Does this mean I'm a queer now?"
Robert started laughing, "I was just shitting James. Sperm does not make you queer. You either are or you are not." He looked at me kind of serious and he asked, "Did you like it when I fucked you? What do you think about when you play with your dick?" I was unsure how to answer him so I just told the truth, "It hurt when you started but I kind of got used to it. When my cock gets hard I think about how good it feels."
He looked kind of puzzled, "What do you think of when you masturbate." I said, "What is masturbate?" He said, "You know when you play with your dick. It's called masturbating, jacking, jerking off, or beating your meat. It's got a lot of names." I said, "Oh. Is there a way to stop jerking off? I have a count of 492 and I don't want to go to hell because I can't confess it."
He looked and me and said, "That's bullshit the priest is telling you. I asked my dad about it and he told me that jerking off is normal and that all men do it, even the priest does it. He said I would do it my whole life. He told me to enjoy it but not let my Mom know. He said that I did not have to confess it. So forget that bull shit."
He looked at me kind of serious and said, "Don't put up with the stuff some people put on you. You will know if you are queer or not. It is something you are born with. If you think of hard dicks when you jerk off instead of pussy you might be queer. But that wont matter because there is nothing you can do about it. You will know when you start to produce cum and you have pubes."
Then he kind of blushed and said, "That was neat that you did not back out on the bet. I don't think I could have gone through with it." I was more comfortable now and I told him, "I didn't mind the others doing it because if felt kind of different. Your dick was so large that it hurt at first but after I got used to it, I kind of like it." He said, "No shit, have you told James that you like it?' I said, "No he called me a queer because you shot in me." Robert said, "I would like to do it again some time if you feel up to it. But we can't let James know. He will think we both are queer."
I asked, "Do you think I'm a queer?" He punched me on my arm and said, "Quit worrying about that now."