Quarterback Keeper: 9
A Concerned Parent
In "1984", George Orwell wrote, "If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself." Joe knew the truth of that statement as he faced an emotional Rubicon. His gut wanted to turn away from sharing his most profound and painful regret; a hurt so deep he had only told one other person, Tony. However, his heart said to press forward regardless of the personal toll and tell the three young men sitting on the rooftop deck with him about Brett. The events that brought Joe to this dreadful moment began two weeks earlier with a visit from Robert Anders.
After the Chicago trip, the summer fell into a predictable rhythm. Tyler was out of the apartment at 6:30 to get the weight room open for summer conditioning. Joe would put in an appearance at conditioning around 9:30. He checked on baseball players, making sure none of them were overdoing it in summer baseball.
Joe had actually solved his problem with the summer coach, Coach Claflin. A week after the confrontation with a drunk Claflin, Joe stopped by the Salt Fork baseball field during practice. He just sat in the stands and watched. Finally, Claflin came over and said, "Coach, my boy and my wife gave me an earful after our run in at Matty's. They used words like asshole and drunken fool. My assistant Jamie West wasn't any kinder. I haven't had the balls to come and apologize, but I am truly sorry. I also hope you won't hold his asshole father against my son when he tries out for the team."
"First Kenny," Joe said, "I would never hold a kid responsible for anything a parent does." Second, I accept your apology, and I think we can just put that evening behind us. Finally, I'm here to offer some help."
"You want to coach summer baseball?" said Claflin with a note of unease.
"No," chuckled Joe, "I see these guys enough during the school year. We need a break from each other over the summer. What I was thinking is I have a former student and player, Kent Walters who just moved back into town and needs a way to reconnect with the community. Both of his son's are playing junior baseball this summer and you might have seen him at the field. Anyway back in the day, he was one of my ace pitchers and I thought he could work with your pitchers. I know it is tough to coach your own kid, so he could work on pitching with Kenny Jr. and the other pitchers while you and Jim work on hitting and fielding. Also, it would help me a lot in the spring if one of my former pitchers kind of kept me informed about the talent I will have. I haven't told Kent about this yet, so if I'm butting in too much, just tell me and I won't say anything to him."
Claflin laughed, "Hell Coach, that's the nicest job of butting in I've ever seen. I would be more than happy to have Kent coach the pitchers. So would my wife. After she heard you say I was going to ruin Kenny's arm, she gave me a tongue lashing that made me feel like I was a child abuser. Also, some of the other parents weren't sure they could trust me with their sons' and we had to have a parents' meeting, so this will take some heat off of me."
"If he agrees, I will bring Kent by tomorrow to meet you and the boys. Also, Coach Simmons and I would like to cook hamburgers and have a picnic for the team after your first home game--if that is alright. Their families are included."
"Wow, thanks Coach. I am sure the guys will be thrilled."
After a bit of persuasion Kent did agree to be the summer pitching coach. Not only did he do a great job of developing the Salt Fork pitching talent, he reconnected with old friends and found a niche in the community. However the biggest benefit was the pride in his sons' eyes when they saw their father coaching. Mike and Jack became the team's bat boys and adopted little brothers.
Joe's summer project was getting Tyler ready to start teaching. Tuesdays and Thursdays after conditioning, Joe and Tyler worked on getting Tyler's room ready. The previous teacher just shut the door and walked away on his last day. So, the first order of business was going through twenty-plus years of crap and deciding what to keep and what to toss. It was hot and dusty work because the district turned off the A/C during the summer to save on electricity. It took three weeks of sorting, organizing, and trashing to get a handle of what Tyler had inherited.
On Mondays and Wednesdays, Tyler had a pre-teaching class at NOSU in the afternoon. Joe made Tyler drive his truck to class rather than suffer in a car without A/C. On Friday mornings there was no conditioning and the two would go to visit Tyler's mother and do whatever chores needed doing. After taking Mary to lunch, Joe and Tyler took the afternoon to do something fun like play golf or go fishing. Sometimes they would take off for Tulsa and spend the weekend at the apartment Joe inherited from his uncle.
A week before the Fourth of July, Joe and Tyler played golf at the municipal course in Enid. It was hot and by the time they were finished both of their shirts were soaked with sweat. Tyler could hit the ball a mile; however, a mile out of bounds is never good in golf. Joe on the other hand played a consistent and controlled game and destroyed Tyler by nine strokes. Before heading back to Salt Fork they stopped at Sonic for Route 44 Cherry Cokes. While they were waiting for their drinks to arrive, Joe was looking at the scorecards.
"Well kid, you'd better never bet on golf," Joe said, "you'd lose your ass."
"I wouldn't mind," Tyler said with a wink causing Joe's cock to twitch.
As Joe parked the truck next to the stairs to the apartment, he noticed Robert Anders' 1962 BMW 3200 L parked across the street. When Joe and Tyler got out of the truck, Anders got out of his car.
"Shit!," said Joe under his breath, "What does he want?"
"Coach Bartlett, Coach Simmons, can I get a bit of your time?"
"Sure Robert," Joe said, "come on up."
When they stepped into the apartment Joe continued, "Let us change shirts. We've been playing Meadow Lake and our shirts are soaked. Also, I've got to piss like a horse. Those Route 44s are bladder busters."
Anders laughed and said, "Take you time."
As they walked down the hall, Joe said, "I don't know what he wants, but let me take the lead on this." Tyler nodded.
When Joe returned, he asked Anders if he would like something to drink.
"This conversation would be easier if we have a couple of beers," Anders said.
"I see." Then Joe hollered back to Tyler, "Get a move on Simmons. I need you to go downstairs and pick up a six of Budweiser and a six of Blue Moon. Oh, and you can get yourself a carton of chocolate milk."
"Very funny," Tyler said and Joe and Anders both laughed.
When Tyler was gone Joe asked, "So do you want Tyler here for the conversation?"
"Yes."
"So, I take it this isn't about the bank?"
"No, it's about Avery."
"I see. So, what about the weather we're having?" Anders chuckled and the two chatted about everything except the real reason for the visit. Finally Tyler returned with two six packs."
"Damn Tyler, took you long enough," said Joe.
"Well there were only kids working down there, so they had to go across the street and get Manual to ring these up. It is still weird for the kids I lecture about the "no alcohol for athletes rule'' see me buying beer. I feel like a hypocrite."
Joe laughed, "Well maybe you should put on your tie before you go down to buy beer."
"To remind them that I am an adult?"
"No, to remind them that adults are hypocrites," Joe winked, "and the law says we can be."
After everyone had a beer and downed a couple of swallows, Joe said, "So Robert, what is on your mind?"
Anders took a minute and another swallow then said, "Avery told us he's gay."
"Oh." Joe said, and Tyler remained silent.
Finally Anders continued, "April and I have known he was gay for two years. Avery was away at camp and our housekeeper had the week off, so April decided to paint his room and redecorate as a surprise. She was moving some furniture when she found some things that...let's just say we were the ones that got the surprise. It actually was a good thing she discovered Avery's secret because when she told me I went crazy. I wanted to send him off to some religious boarding school and all sorts of shit. It took April all week to talk me down from the lunatic ledge. Finally she drew a line in the sand saying, if I did anything to hurt Avery she would take him, sue for divorce, and I would never see either of them again."
Joe popped the top off of three more beers.
Anders continued. "We decided to put Avery's room back to the way it was, so he wouldn't know we knew. April said he would tell us when he was ready. I started doing some research. My big question was what made Avery gay. What I learned was that he didn't choose to be gay and neither April or I did anything to make him gay. You know, what probably upset me the most about learning my son is gay was the subconcious fear that I did something to make him gay. Once I got rid of that idea, accepting Avery being gay was much easier. I also learned about the hard time that many gay kids have in school and the high suicide rate for gay teens."
Anders stopped, took a big drink and said, "Coach Bartlett, I have done a lot of asshole things in my life that I will have to answer for, but my attempt to blackmail you with the threat to out you is among the worst. I absolutely apologize and hope someday you can forgive me. I know you have no reason to believe me, but I could have never actually outed you."
"You know Robert, I actually do believe you. Based on what you have just told us, you could never have hurt Avery by using sexuality as a weapon. If there is one thing I believe about you, it is that you love your family."
"Thank you."
Tyler finally spoke up, "So do you know why Avery decided to come out."
"Not exactly. When he came out to April and me, he was surprised, maybe even a bit disappointed, that I didn't go crazy. His mother explained that we already knew, and we love him, and we support whatever decision he makes about telling others. I did ask if he was afraid of what the other kids at school would say or do."
"Are you afraid he might get bullied?" Tyler asked.
"At first I was, then he said no one was going to pick on the starting quarterback, and that he had already told a couple of his friends on the team, and they had assured him they had his back. He's not worried about himself, but he is concerned about his friend."
"Do you know who his friend is?" asked Joe.
"He wouldn't tell me, and I don't think Joe is worried that his friend will get bullied, I think Avery is worried what happens if his friend's parents find out. Avery said he had a friend who might be kicked out of his home if his parents find out he's gay. Then Avery asked if his friend could live with us if he needed a home. Of course April said yes without even a second's thought."
"I don't want to be too much of a butt-in, but do you have any suspicion who Avery's friend is?" asked Joe, "It would help Tyler and me watch out for trouble."
Anders hesitated and then said, "I think it is Zach Hill. Avery and Zach have been best friends since the Hills moved here when both boys were in the seventh grade."
"Shit!" said Joe.
"What?" asked Tyler.
"Zach is Benjamin Hill's son, and Benjamin Hill is the pastor of the Baptist Church."
Anders said, "For the last two years, I have cringed every time Pastor Hill starts on one of his anti-gay rants. After Avery came out to us, I asked if he would rather we attend the Episcopalian Church. He said he didn't want to leave his friends."
"That also explains a conversation I had with Avery the other day. He wants to be the baseball equipment manager as he said--to support his friends. When was the last time you've ever heard that the starting quarterback, captain of the football team, and one of the most popular kids in school wants to be an equipment manager? However, it just so happens that Zach Hill is one of our starting pitchers."
"Oh shit," said Tyler and Anders at the same time.
For the Love of Brett
A week after Robert Anders visit, there was a knock on the apartment door. When Tyler answered it there was Avery and a young man he didn't recognize.
"Hello, Avery."
"Hello Coach Simmons, this my friend, Zach Hill. Zach is on the baseball team."
"Hello Zach. Is there something I can do for you guys?"
"We were wondering if Coach Bartlett is around."
"Actually, he has a baseball rules meeting tonight. He should be back in an hour or so. Let's go across the street to Matty's and we can wait for him there."
Once they were seated and the waitress took their orders, Tyler said, "Sorry for making you guys wait over here, but I am taking my introductory teaching class and they just emphasized the importance of not meeting alone with students."
"We understand," said Zach, "So you're not a real teacher?"
"Zach!" Avery jumped in, "Coach Simmons is a real teacher and you need to be respectful."
"Sorry Coach," Zach said.
"Hey, I understand what you were asking," Tyler said with a smile. "Let me explain it. I am a real teacher, but I am not a licensed teacher. I have my B.A. in history, but I didn't know I wanted to teach so I didn't take the teacher education classes. I am in what is called alternative certification. I am taking education classes while I teach. Coach Bartlett is my mentor. It's his job to make sure that while I'm learning I don't fuck up."
Avery and Zach burst into laughter.
"Shit," said a red faced Tyler, "Where the hell is Coach Bartlett when you need him?"
"I'm right here," said Joe. "The meeting ended early and I saw the note on the door that you were over here. So why did you need me?"
"I just cursed in front of students," Tyler said with a sheepish grin.
"Damn! Stop the presses! Breaking news, a football coach cusses. Film at 11."
Now Zach, Avery, and Tyler were laughing.
Joe looked at Tyler and said, "I know what they say in education, but these are the real rules. One, try to control your language. Two, don't drop the F-bomb in class, or if you are with female students. Three, never curse at a student. Four, never--ever--ever curse at a player when his parents are in the stands."
The waitress brought shakes for Zach, Avery and Tyler. Joe ordered a Diet Coke.
"Diet Coke, Coach?" Zach asked.
"Yep, I don't have the metabolism of a 22-year-old."
"How old are you Coach?" aske Zach.
"Old enough to know not to tell snot-nosed kids how old I am." Tyler smiled. Joe continued, "So what do you two need?"
Avery and Zach looked at each other not sure what to say. Tyler asked, "Would you like to talk to Coach someplace more private?" Both boys nodded.
Joe understood and suggested they go to the deck at the back of his apartment. The deck was on the roof of the grocery store's store room and would provide privacy while still being outside. The sun had set and a cool breeze stirred the twilight air. Joe turned on a string of outdoor lights to illuminate the deck and some background music to mask their conversion from anyone that happened to be passing by on the sidewalk.
"So boys, what do you need to talk about?" asked Joe.
"I don't know how to start, but my dad said I can trust you and Coach Simmons," Avery said. "So here goes, I'm gay."
Joe waited a minute and then said, "So am I." Both Avery's and Zach's eyes grew wide.
Tyler added, "I am too." The boys were at a loss for what to say until Zach said, "Are you two a couple. I thought we were the only..."
Joe cut him off, "Zach, two things. First, what Tyler and I are is Tyler and my business." Tyler was surprised that Joe had referred to him by his first name, rather than Coach Simmons. "Second," Joe said, "Do you realize Zach that you just outed yourself."
The realization of what he had just said suddenly put Zach into a panic. "Sorry Coach....Shit...I didn't mean to...my dad can't find out..." Zach started to well with tears. Joe stood up, put his hand on Avery's shoulder and said, "Take care of Zach. Coach Simmons and I are going to go get some drinks."
In the kitchen Tyler stood looking at Joe. Finally, Joe asked, "What?"
"You didn't answer Zach's question about us."
"It's none of their business."
Tyler paused and then cautiously asked, "Is it any of my business?"
Joe looked into Tyler's eyes and knew this was a conversation that could not be put off any longer. "Let's deal with the boys first, then we will talk."
Back on the deck Tyler handed the boys each a glass of ice tea.
Joe sat down, took a deep breath and said, "I am going to tell you about my best friend in high school, Brett."
"Brett and I were best friends for as long as either of us could remember. We went to school together from kindergarten to high school. We played sports together. We slept over at each other's homes. We went camping together. There was nothing that one of us did that the other didn't."
"It also didn't matter that our families were quite different. Both of my parents were college educated professionals. My mother came from money and my dad was a successful attorney. I never lacked anything. Brett's family wasn't poor but they struggled to live the middle class life. His family was a military family. His grandfather and father were both in the Army. He had a brother in the Navy and one in the Air Force. They were also devout Catholics, while my family were holiday Presbyterians. However, none of the differences were more important than the things that we had in common."
During the summer between sophomore and junior years, we also discover that we were both gay. It was our secret. Tulsa, Oklahoma was not a gay friendly town when I was growing up. Also, I thought my parents would accept my being gay, but we knew Brett's wouldn't, at least not right away. So, we didn't tell anyone and we just did what horny gay boys do when they were alone."
"At the end of our senior year in high school, I had been reading about Stonewall, The Castro in San Francisco, the first gay rights marches. I decided I would finally tell my family. Brett panics. He was afraid that if his family found out I was gay, they would also figure out he was gay. We fought and eventually we grew distant. I told Brett I would stay in the closet, but he was scared. So right before I went off to college, he joined the Marines."
"In college I met some guys and began to experiment. Not many people knew I was gay because I didn't want it to get back to Brett's family. Also, I was playing baseball and it was easier if you were an athlete to be in the closet. Then, just before school ended my sophomore year, I got a letter from Brett telling me he was leaving the Marines when his tour was up and he wanted to get back together. He also said he wanted to come out to his family. We started to make plans for when he got back. We talked about moving to New York or California. We were going to live the dream. Then October 23, 1983 happened and my dream died."
"Brett was stationed in Lebanon on peace-keeping duty. I had been out partying Saturday night and woke up late that Sunday. When I turn on the TV, I heard that the Marine barracks in Beirut had been the target of a suicide bomber and 307 people had been killed, including 220 American Marines. Brett was one of those Marines."
"My life fell apart. I just went through the motions. If it hadn't been for my roommate, Anthony Kessinger, I don't know if I would have made it through that time. I finally found something on which to focus on that distracted me from the memory of Brett: becoming a teacher. I suspect that my reason for becoming a high school teacher was because my last good memories of Brett were in high school, and I knew there were more Bretts who needed someone who cared."
"The reason I am telling you this story is because for the longest time, I blamed myself for Brett's death. I thought if I had been more patient he would have gone to college with me rather than joining the Marines. My point is that it is hard to come out, It is even hard if coming out will affect someone you love."
That night, no one on the deck had dry eyes. Avery hugged Zach, "I love you buddy. I promise I will always be there for you. Do you trust me?" Zach nodded his head yes.
Cards on the Table
After Avery and Zach left, Joe and Tyler didn't say much. They finished the dishes, grabbed a couple of beers and watched the Kansas City Royals play the Texas Rangers, although neither of them could tell anyone much about the game. Their minds were elsewhere. Finally Joe said he was going to read, said goodnight, and headed for his bedroom.
About an hour later there was a knock on Joe's door. Tyler said, "Joe, are you awake? I need to talk."
Joe took a deep breath, exhaled, and said, "Sure, come in and we can talk."
When Tyler walked in he saw that Joe was propped against his bed's headboard and in his hand was the Clive Cussler novel he was reading. Joe was wearing a Salt Fork Rattlesnake T-shirt and boxers. Tyler was wearing just a pair of athletic shorts and Joe noticed his broad shoulders, and chiseled torso. Tyler sat down on the foot of the bed, put his elbows on his knees, and his chin in his hands.
Joe had not noticed that Tyler was so upset when he said goodnight, but he had certainly missed something. "So what's got you worked up tonight." "You...me..." Tyler choked on the next word..."us."
"Oh."
"Do you want me to find someplace else to live?"
"What!" Joe said with a heightened concern, "Where is this coming from?"
"Tonight when you were talking about Brett, I began to wonder if I reminded you too much of him. Do I make you sad?"
Joe was suddenly emotional and vulnerable, but mostly he was scared. For the first time he realized that in the short time he had known Tyler, the kid had become a part of his life and to lose him would hurt deeply.
Joe was conflicted, his reflex was to hold people at a distance and if necessary to push them away. After all, wasn't he a rock, an island--he didn't need anyone. Yet, there was a small voice--a nagging voice, and annoying voice, a desperate voice--that kept saying, "Not this time. Don't push this one away." Then without thinking, without even being fully conscious Joe listened to the voice and said, "Come here Tyler."
Tyler crawled up to the head of the bed and laid his head on Joe's chest. Joe pulled a cover over them and wrapped an arm around Tyler. As He gently rubbed Tyler's back, Joe felt tears dampen his shirt.
Eventually in a low and soft voice Joe said, "Yes, sometimes when I look at you, I see Brett and am sad; but more times, I see Tyler and that makes me happy. I don't know whether we have a future together, but if you are willing, I would like to try." Tyler nodded his head against Joe's chest and gave him a hug.
After a bit Tyler said, "Joe, I haven't had much experience with sex. I only accepted that I am gay recently and wasn't really sure how to hook up with guys. So, I need you to be my teacher, but tonight can we just sleep together? I want to feel what it is like to be close to you."
Joe kissed the top of Tyler's head, "Just sleep."
Tyler snuggled in closer to Joe and soon was asleep. Joe listened to Tyler breathe and inwardly laughed about how he had gone from rock to pillow in the blink of an eye.
Thank you for reading "Quarterback Keeper." I very much appreciate the comments and words of encouragement I have received from readers. I also have another story, "Tough Love in Kansas City" going on nifty.org. If you would like to be included in updates on my stories, send me an email.
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