Quackenbush's Holistic Alignments, Inc.
Bald Hairy Man
This is pure fantasy. If you are offended by stories about gay men and gay sex, or if you are under age, DO NOT READ IT. It is not a guide to safe sexual techniques. It does not depict real men, or real situations. It does not depict necessary safe sex practices. Fantasy characters can do anything they want, real men can not!
Technically, Theodore Quackenbush was a con man, but he was so obvious that the police never bothered to arrest him. The police chief once joked that anyone who fell for his cons, needed his head examined. His real name was Teddy Jones, and in high school he had once been the class clown. Someone left him a lot of money. His cons were so blatant that an elderly widow with advanced dementia wouldn't fall for it.
His inheritance included a house on 300 acres of forest that had once been prime farmland. He was gay as a goose and attracted marginal men as friends. These men were harmless.
Quackenbush's Holistic Alignments were related to a theory he developed. He thought he could create world peace and personal harmony between an individual and the mysteries of the universe. The Holistic Alignments referred to the connection between the individual man and the universe.
It was available to men only. Teddy didn't seem to like his mother much. Some thought that this resulted in his dislike of women. More perceptive people realized that cause and effect did not apply to Teddy. His thoughts were mostly simple, random, events.
Almost no one knew that Teddy had followers. This was due to the nature of his theories and the rituals associated with them.
When his Holistic Alignments moved from the galactic level to the earthling level, Teddy believed the necessary alignments required openings in the human body to accommodate the aligning forces. The only openings big enough to accept these forces were the mouth and ass. The mystic transfer from the galactic level involved a believer's balls and the impregnated sperm within. To achieve the alignment the sperm had to be transferred from the cock to the mouth or ass. This was the basis for the popularity of Quackenbush's Holistic Alignments.
I am Dennis North, the county registrar. My work is hectic in election years, but pretty even and calm in between. I do a lot of public speaking between elections trying to increase the number of registered voters. I am divorced. In college I got my girl friend pregnant and I did the right thing. She divorced me when her other boyfriend came back to town. He turned out to be the father of the child my wife said was mine. She had been mad at me for four years, and that was the reason.
I moved back home to help my parents. I was a late baby and they were getting older. My mom had major problems. Dad had a heart attack two days after mom died, so I inherited their house. My temporary job in the registrar's office became permanent.
I had some pals from the high school wrestling team still around town. I had been the smallest man on the team. I also had the biggest cock and that was noted. Tony Rockwell, the team captain came to commiserate with me after my parents death. His wife had a false pregnancy to get him to marry her. Tony told me that he hadn't been into girls much since then.
Tony mentioned the good times we had in the showers after a match. We didn't do much, but I won the prize for having the biggest cock. Somehow Tony and I ended up naked in bed. Neither of us could believe how good it was. He shot off in my mouth and then asked if he had to marry me. We both laughed, but Tony became a friend. We got together once or twice a month. It kept on p0laying and experimented some. The sex kept on getting better.
Tony was a fireman, and was now the assistant chief. He discovered that we shared common interests with the senior building inspector, Bob Roberts. It turned out that Bob knew Teddy Quackenbush. Teddy had a small fire in the kitchen of his house. It was quickly extinguished, but Roberts inspected the house for possible fire hazards.
He learned the basics of Teddy's Holistic Alignments fantasy. As a building inspector, Bob ran into a number of odd or eccentric people. He had won a battle with a man who believed septic systems we a Communist plot to poison him, and the raw sewage on the ground next to a stream, need only a prayer to be purified. Teddy's fantasy's at least did not cause typhus or early death.
Teddy explained to Bob that to arrive at the perfect Holistic Alignments it was necessary that the mouth or ass be exactly aligned with the orifice on the tip of the penis.
"This is difficult in the mouth, but easier in the ass," Teddy explained. "Some times men need to return several times to get it perfect."
"Is the perfect alignment permanent?" Bob asked.
"Regrettably no. Some men need to return often to correct the alignment," Teddy admitted.
"Is there as cost for this service?" Bob asked.
"Oh no!" Teddy said. "A sacred task would be defiled if it were done for money. Some men make Joy gifts to me to enhance the blessings."
"Is there any difference between being fucked in the ass and an alignment correction?" I asked.
"I wondered that my self," Bob said. After a brief pause, he said, "I asked him if there was training necessary before getting aligned? Teddy said a pure heart is enough. I told him I was a Methodist and asked if that was enough. It was. I went to his bedroom and an hour later I was aligned."
"How was it?" I asked.
"As a Holistic Alignment it was shit. As a first rate fuck it was good," Bob said. "Teddy has a long, ice tea spoon type cock. He has a big knob on a thin shaft. The first three efforts to ejaculate were failures. He called in his associate, Moonbeam, to help."
"Did you know Moonbeam?" I asked.
"Moonbeam is the bartender-bouncer at Gaiety Bar and Grill," Bob said.
"I thought that was a thinly disguised brothel?" I said.
"Yes and no. The actual sex takes place at the Old Ranch Motel which is a block away. Moonbeam's real name is George. He makes sure the girls are are safe at Gaiety Bar and Grill. He is also the guy I talk to about fire safety. He's real good about that. He also has a good memory, and knows who has reached his limit, so there aren't many drunk and disorderly arrests," Bob said. "He real good sexually. He's big but gentle. When I say big, I mean he's big where counts."
I asked George if he got payed for his work with Teddy. He said no, it was purely for pleasure. He told me he would love to get together with me for some plain old sex without the alignment shit," Bob explained. Bob also told me that since he was now aligned, he could sponsor me as a potential candidate for upper level alignment. I told him I would think about it.
A day later I talked with Tony about the Holistic Alignments, Inc. He knew George, but didn't know him as Moonbeam. The fire department was worried about the fire potential at the Gaiety Bar and Grill and George was helpful and responsive. He also suspected that George was hung. Tony never actually told me he liked the bottom, but the description of George's endowment seemed to interest him. I had a feeling that Tony was interested.
Teddy's sexual fantasies were of no interest to me, but the sexual rituals did excite me. I talked to Bob and he arranged a visit for Tony and me on the next Saturday morning.
Teddy's religion had two attractive features. First, it involved gay sex. That was a plus in my view. The other attractive feature was the lack of any written theology. There were no church dogmas, nor any list of virtues or sins. The alignment ceremony was it. Teddy seemed to make the rules without reference to earlier rules or rituals. Every day was a new day.
Tony, Bob, and I arrived at ten. I figured there was strength in numbers. We went to the dressing room, stripped and Teddy told us when to do what. He took us to what he called the Holy of Holies. Four men were waiting there. There was a priest and a helper for each of us. I recognized Moonbeam from his description. A guy named Arthur was his helper. The second man was the Police Chief, Martin Keeper. His helper was a guy I didn't know.
Teddy turned off the lights as he activated some stage lights. He began to chant in what I assumed was a special Holistic Alignment language. The lights began to flicker as new age music began to play. Martin took me to table.
Teddy went to a deep alcove. He sat on a throne like chair and put something like earphones over his ears and then a hood.
"He's he's trying to hear the mystic vibrations of the Alignment," Martin, the Police Chief, whispered. "Do you like it up the ass?"
"I sure as hell do," I replied.
"Do you have a problem if I shoot in you?" he asked.
"Not at all, I replied.
"If Teddy doesn't see cum drooling from your behind, this could last for hours," he said. "If I get too close too fast, I'll pull out and my back up, Deputy Smith, will do you for a while. He's a good guy. Any problems?"
"No problems at all," I whispered. The music was getting louder. I bent over what looked like a high, cushioned, ottoman. Deputy Smith had what looked like a turkey baster and squirted lube into my ass.
Chief Miller nudged his cock head an inch into my ass. A gong sounded, and Miller pushed into me. I moaned a few times as he went deep. A minute later his long and fat cock was deep in me.
"Your hole has been used. You took it like a pro. I love that in a man," He whispered in my ear.
"You're use to this? I whispered.
"Shit yes. Old Chief Dunlop fucked me so many times he almost had his mail delivered to my ass," he said. "Relax and enjoy the ride." I glanced at Tony and Moonbeam. They were taking it well.
A gong rang and Chief Miller pulled out of me and Deputy Smith's cock immediately entered my ass.
"Damn, is nice in there!" he said in a low whisper. "I'm going to fill you with cum. If the Chief doesn't shoot off, you will have something to prove you have been aligned. That will keep Teddy happy." Deputy Smith was a young guy, but his cock was experienced. Ten minutes later he shot off and Miller returned to my ass.
A little later Miller shot off and I was officially aligned. Within the next twenty minutes, Tony and Moonbeam were also aligned. Chief Miller went to Teddy who was still meditating and told him the ceremony was over and had been a success.
Teddy was pleased but rather detached. I suspected that his meditation might have been chemically enhanced. We were dismissed and told to go home and meditate on the mysteries of the Holistic Alignments. I think he said, "May the force be with you." He was on the edge of falling asleep and he may have mixed-up fantasies.
Outside, Bob said he had a hunting cabin near by and asked if we would like to drop in. Every one agreed and we went to the cabin. It was cold and rustic, but Bob flipped a switch and a furnace turned on. The cabin was warm ten minutes later.
Chief Miller, asked if everyone was okay. "The whole thing is so odd, it's sometimes hard to sort out your feelings."
"I guess you men know each other. I am Arthur Jones." He was Moonbeam's helper. "I am a researcher and Psychiatrist who is studying cults. I am a gay man, but I have to admit that I never thought I was as gay as I have been this morning. The cult stuff is pretty much standard ravings of a disordered mind. The sex was spectacular. He did you react to the ceremony?
"Well as for me, the ritual stuff was shit. The sex stuff was great; odd but great." I said.
George, also known as Moonbeam, said this had been the best of the Holistic Alignments initiations he had attended. "It's strange, but you guys got into it big time. Sometimes Teddy gets carried away with the preaching, and you are almost asleep before the fucking starts." George explained.
It's hard to complain about a religion solely focused on anal sex," Miller said.
"I've known Teddy for years. It was more spiritual and less anal years ago. Teddy had just discovered fucking then," George explained. "He was a good top and even bottomed in those days. He was actually pleasant. I don't remember him being the grand exulted god knows what back then."
"Changing the subject, does anyone here feel like getting naked again and fucking ourselves crazy?" George asked. "For those who don't know me, I like the bottom too!"
Somehow, I ended up with George's oversize cock in my ass. I was surprised when it turned out to be just the right size. George wasn't a fucker, he was a lover. He also knew his way around a tight ass. It struck me as odd that such an unattractive man would have a beautiful cock and an even more beautiful fucking technique. An hour later our post alignment party was over. I went home and took a nap, with beautiful dreams.
Over the next few months I had no connection with Teddy and Holistic Alignments. Miller told me that Teddy didn't keep records, and sometimes he over did drugs before a major ceremony. There was a chance he didn't remember any of it. Those who participated in the ceremony remembered it well, very well.
I was surprised when Arthur Jones knocked on my door a few weeks later on a Saturday morning. He asked if we might talk. I offered him coffee and we chatted.
"I need be more truthful to you," he said. "I am indeed a Psychiatrist who is studying cults. That is not why I was helping Teddy. It is embarrassing to admit it. I knew I was gay, but I was all but a non-practicing gay man unless I got lucky. That was rare. I encountered Teddy as part of my study."
"That is not why I was at the ceremony. I volunteered to be aligned. In my private sexual life I was looking for a meaningful inter personal relationship. In the first ceremony I participated in with Teddy, I discovered I loved meaningless sex. The pleasure was vastly more intense than in any other relationship I experienced. I could enjoy it without worrying about what my playmate felt."
"I hope I don't offend you, but I had a suspicion you felt the same way?" he added.
"That's not exactly right," I replied. "I feel intense affection while my partner is shooting off. This is either in my mouth or ass. The affection fades as the ejaculations diminish. By the time my partner pulls his cock free of my mouth or ass, love is gone, but most of the time friendship remains."
"That may be a better way to deal with my own emotions," Arthur said. There was a pause in the conversation.
"Is there any chance you are here for research and sex?" I asked.
"Am I that transparent?" he asked.
I smiled. "We shared an orgy," I said. "You were the only that did not connect. I may have made an incorrect assumption."
"There is only one thing worse than an incorrect assumption," Arthur said. "That is a 100% correct assumption that I was trying to hide!" He smiled. We were naked by the time we reached my bedroom. I did not have high expectations.
Arthur's ass was receptive, tight, and almost prehensile. He shivered and twitched as I worked my cock deeper into his rectum. I knew where the good spots were and his ass almost seemed to shrink wrap it self to my cock. I shot off in ten minutes, and he shivered with each ejaculation. We spent the next hour trading positions as we hunted for the most intense orgasm.
We were both exhausted when he left. We had done it all. Arthur was a happy man as he left. I was feeling real good.
For several months I had no connection with Teddy or with Holistic Alignments. The state had a new requirement to a review all registered voters and fill out a new database form. This required a great deal of work. He found 185 voters who had died. I was not as surprised as I might be that not one of them had voted since their death. In fact, that was entirely typical of dead voters. Foolish as that was, the project demanded a lot of work.
Tony, Bob and I got together periodically and Chief Miller, George, Arthur, Martin, and Deputy Smith joined us from time to time. The Holistic Alignment sex was not a fluke or accident. We were all sexually compatible.
George came by my house on a Saturday morning by himself. I asked him in and we had coffee. He seemed nervous. After a little while he got to the point.
"We've been playing around for a while now. Are we friends or are we fuck-buddies?" he asked. "I know we are nothing alike. We have nothing in common. I'm a bouncer and you are a public official."
"You scared me when we first met. I guess you scare 90% of the men you meet. When you fucked me I was afraid your cock would rip me in half. I loved your cock in me. I didn't know I was a size queen. I knew I liked sex with men. I didn't know I could take a cock as big as yours." I said. "I thought you were a big lug with beautiful monster cock attached."
"Now, I know you are a good man and friend. You are the sort of man that you can count on. You are a great judge of character, a steady, straight arrow. I think of you as a friend," I said. "If I told you that you are a good friend with a spectacular cock, would I insult you?"
George burst out laughing. "Would I insult you if I said my cock has a warm spot for you and your ass. Wedding bells didn't ring the first time I shot off in your ass, but it did feel different. It felt right. Sometimes it felt more than right." Our personalities and genitals were meant for one another. We became friends.