I took the elevator down, still agitated, my emotions in a welter. Anger or excitement? Love or hate? It vexed me that by removing his clothes, he had taken charge of the situation. On the other hand, it pleased me that I had been clever enough to start over and give him another chance.
But would he come? His seed spent, would he still want me? Too many men are empty shells once erupted---all the lust and need gone. Would he find me too weird, or be mad that I had broken off our tryst so abruptly? Even if he showed , would he do what I had asked from him? Not wash, and act as if we didn't know each other? I walked to the bar, found everything in place: the Japanese group, smoking and laughing and shouting, and the greasy American in his chair. He smiled when he saw me come in, raised his stubby hand in an aborted greeting. Oh fuck. What now? Before I could even choose a seat or order a drink, he was beside me, smirking. ---I knew you'd be back, he said, very pleased with himself. Well, yeah, but not for you. ---I knew you weren't on a date. ---I was. ---You were not. I gave him an angry look. ---Well, then what happened? Stood you up? ---No. ---Then what happened? ---Look, I started, and turned towards him. I wanted to tell him to leave me alone, get lost, stop trying to get into my pants and meddle with my evening. But I looked into two eager eyes, soft and curious and...desperate for attention. My resolve to reproach him dissipated. A waitress asked what I wanted, and the American said, ---Order anything, it's on me! He patted me on the shoulder and winked at the waitress. I hesitated briefly, but somehow, I didn't want to offend him. I asked for a whiskey, and then sat down, quietly and taking a deep breath. A hand reached out to me. ---Shall we start from the beginning? I am Harvey. He could not have had any other name, I thought. Harvey! He looked like a Harvey. I told him my name, not my English nickname, but my Chinese name, and made him choke on the difficult syllables. ---Don't you have a real name? he said, then corrected himself. I mean, a Western name? One I can pronounce? I told him that, and he beamed. ---Great, so what line of business are you in? I had the worst premonition when he said that, but did not act upon it. The confirmation came soon enough. ---Listen, Harvey. I am sorry for being so rude. But I am really on a date here. I am... I met someone, only today, and it hasn't gone well. I am trying to make it work and... Could you give me some space? It's not you...it's... ---I know, I know, don't worry. I won't get in your way. I won't interfere. Is she pretty? My premonition had been right on target. Almost automatically, and probably for the first time in my life admitting it to a stranger, I said, ---It's a he. I told you before. I am waiting for my boyfriend. Harvey swallowed audibly. ---I thought you were trying to pick me up, I said, calmly, earlier. I am sorry if I...? So you are not...? ---What? What are you talking about? ---Are you not gay then? ---Gay, me? What gave you that impression? He looked flustered, almost angry. ---I don't know. You, making passes at me? You coming to my seat and chatting me up? ---I did what? Listen, I am here on a business trip. I just wanted some company. I am not fucking... I am... Seriously, you got this all wrong. I am not gay! ---Well. I am. And I am trying to make a date work. A date with a man. A very... ---Oh fuck. That is awkward. ---...handsome man. You Americans shouldn't be so gregarious, I said, regretting it. ---What do you mean? ---I am sorry. It's not my place. Everything is going wrong today. ---What did you mean about ... ---Well it's an American thing, really. You are always so bloody friendly and talkative. Don't talk to strangers all the time! We don't do that in Asia, in the way you do. Everyone will think you want something... to sell you something. Money, or sex. We aren't just friendly for no reason, we Chinese. He looked at me, puzzled. ---I am not trying to offend you. Seriously. But in Asia, if a perfect stranger smiles at you and talks to you in a hotel bar...it's weird. He didn't speak for a while, but looked around for help. We were still alone, apart from the boisterous Japanese. ---I see. So you really thought I was...like...trying to pick you up? I nodded. I tried to place my---and his emotions. He was at one offended by the misunderstanding, but didn't move away either. He seemed baffled, but curious. ---Oh man, that is awkward. I apologize. For a moment I wasn't quite sure if he wasn't acting. The waitress brought my drink. Harvey stared into space for a few seconds, then shook his head vigorously, and finally, he laughed out loud, lifted his glass and said, ---Well, the drink's on me! I am so sorry. I didn't mean to...this is funny! ---It's alright. It's funny alright, in a way. We drank, and laughed again. ---No hard feelings, eh? But do... ---Yeah, yeah...stop talking to... I..., you know, it never even occurred to me that it could be misconstrued. I feel like such an idiot. He took another mouthful and watched me drink, then put the glass down. ---How many times must I have done this and... I mean! Thank God I am not a hot looker, eh? Would have landed me in cold water...I mean hot water, ha! ---Or in bed. He didn't get the joke immediately, but when he did, he blushed. ---Yes. Yes, in bed. But I am afraid that's...it wouldn't be for me. ---No problem Harvey. Nobody's perfect. He stared at me. Again, sarcasm took a while to kick in, as it does with certain people. ---Say, you are pretty self-confident for a...for a... ---A gay man, Harvey. Come on, say it! It's not that hard. Well, something else is, still, or rather---again. I adjusted my boner. I kept thinking of Romain in his room, waiting, dressing, hesitating.
I felt exhilarated. Admitting I was gay to a straight stranger, for the first time in my life, had put me on a high. I suddenly enjoyed myself immensely. Harvey was parochial, dumb, straight, your average lard-ass businessman---but he was also cute, and...I don't know. I have this thing for clueless men, regardless of their looks. ---A gay man, said Harvey. Do you know, I don't think I've ever said that, in this way. In a laborious, awkward move, he climbed onto the bar stool next to me. ---How do you call us, normally, where you are from. ---Well, I don't think you'd want to know. ---I do. ---Well, fagots, mostly. That's about all I've ever heard it called. ---Not very nice. ---Well, that's life. Where I come from, folks... ---I am sure there are gay men where you come from. ---I don't know any. ---I am sure there are some. Even amongst your friends. ---Certainly not. I can swear to that. I'd know. I looked at him, very hard. ---Are you sure? With your people skills? He blushed again, then laughed. ---Ah, well. Maybe. Outta pay more attention, really. ---Yes, Harvey. I am sure you will, in future. He gulped down the rest of his drink, and stared into blank space, thinking. Suddenly he shook his head again, vigorously, as if to rid himself of an unpleasant thought. ---I am gonna leave you to your date. And do some thinking. I am so...so... sorry, again, really, I didn't mean to... He patted me on the shoulder, simultaneously climbing down form the bar stool and returning to his seat. I watched him, still shaking his head. He took the same chair in the same corner, looked at me the same way again, smiling embarrassed. I watched him as he stared out the window. He seemed utterly lost, and terribly lonely. I wished for a moment that I were available and not waiting for Romain, and could keep Harvey company. I know I would have, under different circumstances.
But suddenly there was faint smell of stale sex in the air.
---Is this seat taken? said a voice behind me. I turned around to see Romain, smiling bashfully at me. With the exception of a somewhat shiny and flushed complexion and his ruffled hair, he looked just like he had that afternoon: boyish, cute, and immensely loveable. I suppressed the urge to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. He was still smiling, politely, keeping his distance. I remembered what I had asked of him---to act as if we had just met. ---No, go ahead. Be my guest! ---My name is Romain. I wanted to say 'I know,' but instead, as agreed, I introduced myself very formal. My back was now to the American, but I felt his eyes on me. He was watching us, thinking no doubt, that the newcomer was making a pass at me. I realized Harvey, his mind lost at sea, would be keenly watching his first gay courtship. ---Nice to meet you, Romain. What do you do for a living, if I may ask. ---I am...he started, but was interrupted. He ordered a drink from the waitress: a Singapore Sling. I thought of slings and leather, and my cock up Romain's arse, and said, ---Sex on the Beach is also good here! He immediately chuckled like a girl, then snorted. Saliva flew out and landed on my elbow. He wiped it away, with far too much tender pressure for two strangers who'd just met. I smiled at him as he calmed down. I noticed a piece of white fluff above his lip, and pointed to the same spot on my own face. ---You got a little something here, Romain. I enjoyed saying his name. He reached up, found it, smelled it, and grinned. ---I think it's... He didn't finish, and we both broke down laughing. ---This isn't working, I said, finally, is it? ---No, said Romain, still giggling, putting his hand back on my arm. I flexed my bicep for him. Let him feel the meat. He squeezed it. ---I am so sorry it all went down so awkwardly, I said. Everything seems to go wrong today. ---Not at all, not at all. I just wish I hadn't taken off my... he checked himself as a Japanese guest walked past us on the way to the restroom. I looked at him quietly. He was so handsome in this light, and so close to me. His dark hair simmered in the artificial glare of the LED lamps. ---Listen, I said, without realizing what I was going to say. It came to me as I spoke, piece by piece, in bursts of revelation, that this is what I wanted to do with him. And that I had to say it, now, or burst at the seams. I started again, nervous like a teenager. His immediate presence threw me off balance; his closeness was unbearable. I even stammered. ---Listen, I really, really, like y-you. I haven't been able to-to think straight since I saw you at that conference. I have been a mess all day... He nodded, and blushed. ---Even in the taxi...I gave the taxi the wrong directions...and then here. I doesn't matter. I am... He stroked my arm a little, and suddenly his hand was at my nape. It was as if he tried to calm a crying child. ---I feel the same. I feel... He did not finish, just smiled, wistfully, lovingly. As if he knew exactly what was going on between us, better than I knew myself. ---But there is something I want to do. I don't know why I want to, but... Here it is. You see that American over there? ---The man there? ---Yes. He made a pass at me... no, that's not true, he tried to talk to me earlier in the evening, here in the bar, when I was waiting... I stopped, realizing what I had just revealed. ---You were here before? When you called? It was too late. Time to come clean. ---I've been here since 6, waiting for you. I lied on the phone, because I didn't want you to think I was desperate. I felt the color rise in my own cheeks when I said 'desperate.' Oh, fuck. Too late now. ---I had dinner across the street, waiting for you. And then I came here. ---You wait for me, here, all this time? said Romain, awfully French again. He grabbed my knees, and pressed them. His leg touched mine. Then he lifted a hand and stroked my cheek. I blushed even more, emotion choking me. Bit too much, in such short time. ---You are so sweet. C'est vraiment incroyable... And I think, all afternoon, of you, I cannot concentrate in my business meeting. I think of you as...in sexual, you know, as such a hard top. So cold, a master, you know, when you play S&M? I think you are dominant, and I have to. Just because of the way you speak in the conference. I am... on my knees. ---I saw you. On your knees. We both chuckled. ---I did not guess you are so...romantic. I think you are a dominant top. ---I am. ---Yes, but you also...oh like a kid! And now you blush, like I do. You come here so early, wait for me. I am flattened! ---Flattered. ---Oh, yes. Flattered. ---But I can flatten you, later. He smiled, and once again his palm touched my cheek. The waitress was looking askance at us. ---I'll flatten you good, Romain. All night. Till your flight leaves. He nodded. ---I will like that... He stroked my thigh again. Even the Japanese were looking now, and one of them coughed, making Romain all self-conscious, and withdraw his hand. ---So, what about your American? he said, to do away with the tension. ---Ha, yes, my American! He's over there. His name is Harvey. He isn't gay or anything, but he is...lonely, I think. He tried to talk to me twice...three times already, and I brushed him off because...well, because of you, really. Would you mind if we went over to him and kept him company, for a little while? You know, just talk to him. ---Not at all, said Romain, and grabbed his whiskey. It will give us time to know each other. And maybe... ---Yes, I said. And maybe stop blundering like ... ---Like teenagers. We laughed again. ---We are like teenagers, no? How old are you? Before I could answer, Romain had stepped away from the bar and walked past me. He had not put on any perfume. I could smell my own cum on him, wafting by---it was intoxicating. The memory of our earlier exchange in the room ---of him, naked on the floor, flashed before my eyes.
The American's face lit up as we approached. Not quite a hundred percent welcoming maybe, when he realized he would be surrounded by not one, but two gay men. ---Do you mind if we join you? said Romain, in full command again of his American English. My friend here thought you would like some company. He had a perfect accent again, and appeared to me very virile as he shook Harvey's hand. It's amazing how men can change from one second to the next: from dominant macho to love-struck girl, from ballerina to masculine hunk, in the blink of an eye. Harvey waved the way to the two leather chairs at his table, almost got up completely, but fell down again into the chaise due to his weight. He said he was delighted, then, I think, he caught a whiff of Romain's smell, but did not recognize it. ---Harvey, I am really sorry about earlier, I said, sitting down. He just shook his head. ---It doesn't matter. What you said made me think, really. ---Think about what, said Romain, lifting his glass, toasting Harvey. ---What you said about us Americans. We are so used to the way we interact amongst each other, when we go abroad, we think all the world is the same, like us. You made me think! ---It's not such a big deal. I've been to the States. I know how people interact. You are just such a gregarious bunch...always friendly, open. People talk in the elevator. Here, people stare at the floor. No stranger in a hotel bar would come and talk to... ---But you did, said Harvey, nodding to Romain. Romain looked puzzled at me. Then he realized what Harvey must be thinking. ---No, no, we know each other, you see! ---Then why did you ask so politely if the chair was free? It didn't look like you knew each other. Not from where I am...was...stand... sitting. Romain looked at me, and I at him. What possible way to explain, without... what the heck! I felt exhilarated enough, and maybe drunk enough, too, from alcohol, and all the flirting. The smell of cum was strong now, as Romain's head was just in front of me. I could see it, clumping together his coarse black, hair---and got hard again. ---Do you want to know the truth, Harvey? ---Yes, said the fat American innocently. ---Can you handle the truth, Harvey? I said, mysteriously, but smirking. ---I guess so, ha! What's that all about? I looked at Romain, and he at me, slowly, and deliberately. ---Now, what's going on between the two of you? said Harvey boisterously, but remembering half-way through the sentence that he was talking to two gay men. The smile vanished, and he prepared himself for the worst, I think. But he couldn't back out now, he'd asked for it. So I told him. The whole story. All my feelings, from the moment I had first seen Romain, to the point where he had taken the seat next to me at the bar. Every detail. Every little detail. Harvey stared at Romain's face and hair, and shook his head. ---Wow. Romain blushed. Not only had I used the retelling of our day together to confess my attraction to him, my desire, the sudden love and affection that had come over me like a tropical shower---I'd also managed to humiliate him in front of the hapless American. I'd told that perfect stranger from Seattle, how Romain had been naked on the floor, taken the beating, been marked with my semen. How it was still on him, face and hair, as we sat here, in front of Harvey. Now I studied Romain: his face was glowing red with shame---and excitement He took rapid sips from his cocktail. It did not surprise me to see that he had a boner. Harvey noticed it too, but looked away, embarrassed.
---Wow, said Harvey after an awkward minute. Are all gay men so kinky? I shook my head, and grinned. ---I have no idea. I don't think so. I, certainly, am not. Usually I mean... I don't usually... It was all a bit...sudden. That's why we decided to join you. ---Why's that again? ---To calm down, you know, I said. To take it slowly. Do you mind listening to all that queer stuff? ---Me? Ah well... He looked at Romain's bulging trousers again. ---Didn't do much good, did it...? he said, and cocked his chin in the direction of the French tent. We laughed, all three.
For a minute or so, we exchanged glances, looked each away to a different part of room, to let the embarrassment evaporate. Harvey startled us when he suddenly got up and said, ---Listen, guys, this was a remarkable evening, for me. I've learned a lot. Not to mention a lot about gay sex. A bit too much, to be honest---so... I'm gonna call it a night and leave you to it. Romain and I got up too, very politely and matter-of-factly. Harvey shook first mine, then Romain's hand. ---It's been a pleasure. I'll be seeing you around.
He seemed to be in a hurry to get away. Romain and I sat down again, shifting a little closer, so our arms could touch. ---He couldn't get away fast enough, I said. Romain nodded. After a while, he said, ---I have never done anything like that. With someone who was not gay. ---You mean talk openly about it? ---Yes. And about... what you tell him, about me. ---Did it bother you? He looked enigmatically into his drink for a few seconds, then said, ---No. I like it. It was hot. ---You like to be humiliated? Almost immediately a burst of color returned to his face. ---A little. ---A little only? I think you like it more than a little. He only grinned, and his hand found mind. We were well shielded from the rest of the room, so he took my hand and led it to his groin. I found there, hard and proud, just what I expected. ---Are you ready for some real sex then? I said, without even looking at him.
Part 5 is coming up. For more of Marten Weber, go to www.martenweber.com http://www.martenweber.com