PROPER ENGLISH
The Rolls maneuvered smoothly around the twisting bends as it headed into the countryside. The two young executives loosened their ties and relaxed, happy to be out of the madness of London traffic.
"Glad you could get away, Roger. I'm sure we'll have a splendid time this weekend. God knows we deserve a respite after the hard work we put in on the Masterson account these past few weeks. A bit of fishing will just hit the spot, wouldn't you say?"
"Absolutely, Den. Thanks for inviting me. Haven't seen much of each other, outside of work, since our Cambridge days. What with our families and all. How's the wife and kids?"
"Helen and the children have taken a train north. Visiting her aunt for a couple of days. I let the servants off, so we'll be roughin' it a bit, old sod. Oh, I forgot ...one second." Denton lowered the glass. "Carter," he spoke up.
"Yes, Guv!" the chauffeur looked in his rearview mirror.
"After you drop us, you're free until Monday morn."
"Thanks, Guv! Margie'll sure be pleased at that."
"I'll just bet she will," Den replied, raising the window.
"So, here we are," chuckled Roger, "settled down after all. Figured I would adjust properly, but I must say I'm a bit surprised with you. What a rake you were in school. Mr. Nonconformist! Some of the outrageous things you got yourself into! Tell me, Den, have you completely reformed? What's the most scandalous thing you do these days? Surely, there must be something."
"No, Rog, I've gotten quite tiresome. Old married man and all that. Oh! Well....there is one thing."
"I knew it! What's that, old chum?"
"Occassionally I lick the chauffeur's arsehole."
"Uh, come again. I could have sworn you said, pardon, that you LICK THE CHAUFFEUR'S ARSEHOLE!"
"That's right," Denton smiled.
"My gawd, Den. Have you gone poofter or something?!"
"No, Roger, nothing like that. Just one simple vice."
"You mean the uncouth fellow in front?!"
"Carter, yes. Oh, he's not much to look at, I know. But that's not important. He's got a marvelous bumhole on him!"
"You are putting me on, you rascal, aren't you?"
Denton lowered the glass again. "Carter! Up to having your arsehole tongued this afternoon?"
"Ah, certainly, Sir!" the young man blushed. "Specially the way you does it!"
"I'LL BE DASHED!" exclaimed Roger. "You have gone queer!"
"Nonsense," Den replied calmly. "I've always had a penchant for oral delights. When you've licked as many pussies as I have it's inevitable that the old tongue would stray occassionally to explore the nether hole. The ladies always loved it, and Helen just adores it. One afternoon Carter's shower was on the blink. I offered to let him use mine. As I was dressing, he was stripping for his wash. Strange fellow, he removed his pants before his shoes. Then as he stood buck naked, he bent to remove his shoes. His puffy anus just stared at me most obscenely. Could have sworn it was winking at me!" he laughed.
"How disgusting!" muttered Roger, primly.
"It was winking at me, wasn't it, Carter?"
"Oh, no Guv! I'd never be so bold. Certainly not with me employer!"
"Hmmm. Anyway, as I studied it I realized my underwear was tenting in front with a familiar protuberance. I was getting an enormous erection! I started wondering if a man smelled and tasted different. Never one to be inhibited, I walked over to Carter and asked him if he would like an increase in salary."
Carter laughed quietly. Denton continued.
"He looked back over his shoulder without rising and smiled at me. 'Would there be additional duties involved, Guv?' he smirked at me. Don't deny it, Carter. You did smirk at me!"
"Oh, no sir! Well...perhaps just a bit what with me bein' in that compromising position and all."
"Tell Roger what happened next, Carter."
"If you wish, Guv. After he makes plain what he intends, I says to 'im, 'If that's your pleasure, Guv! But perhaps I should carry on with my shower first.' 'Of course not!' he says, 'that would defeat the purpose, now wouldn't it?' 'Right, Guv!' I says, 'in that case, be my guest!' I leaned onto a chair and spread me legs apart. Damned if the Guv didn't get right down behind me, stick his nose in there, and start sniffin'! Well, sir, he proceeds to lick me up real good, and...well, it's like a reg'lar thing now!"
"An...and you don't mind?" asked Roger.
"Mind? Hardly, sir! It's a real bone raiser, if you get my meaning!"
"I shan't ask what you do with his 'bone'!" Roger snorted.
"Nothing, dear chap," Denton assured. "We simply masturbate ourselves to orgasm while I use my tongue at his pungent, fleshy anus. Since he's the only man I've done it to, I don't know for certain if I prefer a man's bumhole, or if Carter simply has a uniquely exciting one. All I know is I adore it, and I wish you'd drive faster, you cretin, before I come just thinking about it!"
"My Lord!" cried Roger. "You mean to say you're going to..."
"Just as soon as we turn onto the property. Carter! In case the servants haven't all left yet, as soon as we're beyond the gates turn onto the wilderness road and pull up to our favorite alcove."
"Right you are, Guv!"
"And what am I supposed to do while you're carrying on with this lascivious business?!"
'Watch, of course. And jerk yourself," Denton replied.
"YOU'RE DAFT! I can't stand there masturbating watching two blokes going at it!"
"Oh, come now, Roger. Where's your sense of adventure?"
Carter switched the gate remote closed as he entered the grounds, then turned right and went about half a kilometer before swinging into a remote grassy area. Denton and his chauffeur got out. Roger shrugged and followed them around to the front of the Rolls Royce.
"How would you like me, Guv?" the chauffeur asked, removing his coat and cap.
Denton removed his jacket, shoes, and stepped out of his pants and drawers. He began stroking the erection he'd acquired along the way. Roger stared aghast at his long- time friend, a tingling sensation beginning in his groin.
"Stand up on the bumper, drop your pants, and bend over the hood a bit."
The chauffeur climbed up and let his pants drop, then straddled the grillwork as best he could. Denton approached him, stroking his throbbing cock. "Now, squat down a ways and stick your gorgeous arse out!"
Roger almost laughed at the sight. The uncouth lout stood on the front of the expensive automobile, his pants around his ankles, and rested his hands on the hood as he bent his knees and squatted as if he were going to shit right then and there! His sophisticated friend, nearly nude, his shirttail bouncing as he rapidly masturbated, came right up behind the fellow, spread his legs, and also bent his knees to squat down until his face was at the level of the chauffeur's muscular bottom. Roger felt his cock rising, straining against the confining fabric of his underwear. Feeling guilty at his rising excitement, he tried to will his cock to go down. But when he saw Denton push his face into the fellow's arsecrack and begin sniffing at it, he gave up.
"Rather ripe today, aren't we Carter?" Denton blithely remarked.
"Blimey! Sorry, sir. Must have been the long drive. Won't happen again, sir!"
"You're a lyin' turd, Carter! You know I like it like that!"
"You bet, Guv!" the chauffeur laughed. "Thought you'd be pleased!"
Roger gasped at the exchange, unable to keep from imagining what the collection of aromas must be like...the unique smell of arsehole, traces of leftover shit, the heat rising from the fellow's sweaty balls that hung just below! He unzipped his trousers and hauled out his rigid prick. It was beginning to leak in his pants! He slowly moved closer to the strange couple. As he moved just to the side of Denton, he was startled as his friend quickly looked up at him, then down at his fisted cock.
"I knew it wouldn't take you long. You always were a horny bugger. Take a look at this!" He reached up with both hands and pulled the man's buttocks apart. "Now I ask you, Rog. Is that a prime arsehole, or what! Isn't that magnificent?"
Roger stared at the fat, puffy anus. It was the lewdest thing he had ever seen! "It...it's so BIG!" he gasped. "Sorry, Carter," he apologized for his rude outburst.
"I got me last employer to thank for that, sir! Used to plug me regular till his missus caught us!"
"Then...then you are, uh, queer, Carter?" Roger stammered.
"Nah! He paid me a bonus, just like the Guv here. Weren't so bad, once I got used to it. Bugger was thick, though. Nearly pulled me inside out. Guess I just kinda stayed that way!" he laughed.
"You lick Maggie's shithole, Roger?"
"Ah...yeah, sometimes. Sure."
"Come get a whiff of this, then!"
"Oh, no, I couldn't. I mean I don't want..." Roger gulped.
"Don't be so stuffy, old chum. Just a quick smell before I lick it all away!"
Roger reluctantly inched his face toward the chauffeur's upthrust bum. He took a couple of quick breaths, his nose less than an inch from the man's anus, as his friend held the fragrant valley open. His mind registered instant disgust, but his cock throbbed as the tang of the man's most intimate area nearly melted his nostrils! Not that it was all that bad...it was just incredibly earthy! Denton didn't say a word to him--he just smiled at his friend's flushed face. Then he turned and began lapping at the musky anus! Carter moaned, and thrust his ass back into Denton' face. Roger couldn't believe what he was watching. None of it made any sense. By all accounts, the three men in the clearing were confirmed heterosexuals...yet one man had his tongue on another man's smelly anus while yet a third man masturbated excitedly at the sight!
"BUGGER'S GOT A HOT FUCKIN' HOLE!" Denton cried, pulling away.
"AIIEE! GUV! OOOH, YOU DO THAT SO GOOD!" He looked back over his shoulder and eyed Roger unashamedly handling his throbbing erection. "UH, TONGUE ME, GUV! GIVIN' ME NASTY BUM AN ITCH! That's quite a hefty fella yur holdin' there, sir," he directed to Roger. "Ever plug a bloke, sir!"
"Ah, well...yes, as a matter of fact," Roger admitted. "Once, in the regiment. Just a lark, really. Two horny buggers without women for a long period. You understand, it was just..."
"No need to explain, sir! I know how it is. No women around here, sir. If it'd please ya, go right ahead. The Guv won't mind, willya Guv? Been a long time, guess I kinda got to likin' it some. Feel free to plug me if the mood hits ya!"
"Oh...I..." Roger shook his head, declining.
"You rascal!" cried Denton. "Bit of hanky panky in your past, too, hunh? Tell me, did you reciprocate?"
"Umm, well...turnabout being fair play, you know," he smiled.
"Which did you enjoy more?" Denton asked, unchallengingly.
"Stupid question, old chum," Roger giggled. "Having that tight knot around my prick certainly beat hell out of having my virgin bum skewered! It was all okay, but just a lark!"
"Let me get this hot pit moistened up a bit more, then let's see you stuff that pole up there. Carter wants it and I...well, for now let's just say I'd enjoy watching a good bumfuck! What say, Rog?"
"Damn! I'm ready to stick it up the exhaust pipe. Might as well be Carter's exhaust pipe!" he laughed.
"Marvelous! Get naked, Rog. Carter, you too. I'll get a blanket from the bonnet."
Stripped, the two men stood there smiling in anticipa- tion, not in the least ashamed at admiring each other's rigid organs.
"Steady on, please sir! A bit rusty, I am. Must be a l0-incher you're sportin' there!" The chauffeur seemed a bit reluctant.
"I'll try, Carter. If I lose control, just buck me off."
"Not to worry, gentlemen," promised Denton, returning and spreading the blanket on the grass. He motioned for the chauffeur to get on all fours and stick his ass up in the air. "Just hold your bollocks, you trollop!" he directed at Roger, "I'm not through. By the time I finish loosening up this mancunt, that monstrosity of yours will slip right up there smooth as English pudding!" He knelt down behind the young man's randy bum and pulled it open. He thrust his face in there and began to eat him out. He licked and tongued...sucked and slobbered. He collected mouthfuls of saliva the drilled it up the chauffeur's rectum with his pointed tongue!
"GOL BLIMEY!" Carter groaned. "That's heavenly, Guv! You're one fookin' good arselicker, if I may say so, sir!"
"Forget the bleedin' protocol, Carter," Roger panted, kneeling beside them to get a good view. "When your Guv's got his tongue up your behind, you've certainly got leave to say anything you bloody well feel like!" Denton grunted in agreement. "Go ahead, Carter," coaxed Roger, "say what you want."
"EAT MY ARSE, GUV! SHOVE YOUR FAIRY TONGUE UP ME BUM! OOOH...LICK THE BLEEDIN' SHIT OUTTA THERE! AW, GUV! YOU SUCK A BLOKE'S ARSEHOLE BETTER'N ANY SHIT-EATIN' QUEER DlGGIN' FOR A TURD!" When Carter lets loose...he really lets loose! "DO IT, GUV! SUCK THE TURDS OUTTA ME SO'S TO MAKE ROOM FOR YOUR MATE'S BIG PORKER!"
Denton pulled out of the rectal compound and slapped Carter hard on the asscheeks. "Enough, you insolent bastard! Just for that I'm gonna suck Roger's hot load out of your BIG FAT ASSHOLE after he fucks it raw!" He turned and grabbed Roger's prick, pulling it to the spit-dripping asshole.
"FUCK HIM, ROG! Give him what his girl can't!"
"If you please, sir!" interrupted Carter. "Best I give it a lick or two to wet it down."
"You mean...?" Roger was astonished.
"Stick it in his mouth...cocksuckin' chauffeur!" teased Denton.
"Part of my previous service. No big deal, sir."
Roger moved around and bent his knees, aiming his throbbing cock at the man's open mouth. Carter sucked it in and slobbered over it just long enough to paint it with a heavy coat of saliva.
"No. Don't kneel," Denton directed. "Stand up and squat dawn. Fuck right down into him...I wanna be able to see everything!"
Roger obeyed. Carter rested on his shoulders as he reached both hands back and pulled his ass open. Roger aimed and slowly entered. "OH! IT'S LIKE HOT BUTTER! I forgot how good this felt." Meeting no resistance, he sank down until his balls slapped against Carter's. Then he held still, afraid he'd shoot off immediately.
"Blimey, Guv! Did he just do what I think?"
"Every glorious inch, you tramp!" Denton bellowed. "How's that for opening you up?! Told you I'd fix you up!"
"Thanks, Guv. It's wonderful! Hardly felt it...but I sure do now! I'm stuffed! Rag me, sir! Aww...please...make it last!"
"I'll go slow," Roger promised, "but keep that hole open. If you squeeze on me I'll unload!"
Denton stroked his cock as he sat back on his haunches and watched his friend's long cock drive slowly in and out of the mushy anus. God, what an incredibly exciting sight! he thought. Splendid fuck! Then he caught sight of Roger's lightly-haired anus fluttering open and closed as he humped the uninhibited chauffeur. He wondered...
Apparently Roger was wondering also. "Does this look as good as it feels?!" he asked over his shoulder. Denton mut- tered his agreement. "I say, Den. Would you consider...that is...well, since you enjoy it so much, I thought perhaps... I mean, I've never felt, you know...a tongue at my arse- hole! AWW, GAWD! YOU'RE DOING IT! EASY, CHUM! I'LL POP OFF!"
Denton slowed a bit, but continued to flutter his tongue over and around Roger's tender, tasty anus. "It's a sweet little pink anus," he thought, "not a HUGE, SWELTERING A-R-S-E-H-O-L-E like Carter's!" But he loved the difference...delighted in the comparison...and thrilled at the sensations he was causing his friend. As if he were peeking through the blinds, he put his fingers together and pried the crack open, spearing his tongue directly into the fragrant opening. Roger's whole body was trembling, and Denton knew it would not be long before he pumped a heavy load up the chauffeur's bum.
"Give him a hand, Den! JACK HIM! I'M GOING TO START PLOWING HIS ASS. HE'S GONNA NEED HIS HANDS TO STAY PUT! Wank his hot chauffeur meat!"
As Roger began to fuck mercilessly deep-in and nearly- out of the ravaged hole, Denton knew it was useless to try to continue licking. He scooted forward and reached under the moaning man and freely masturbated his dripping cock.
"OH, THANKS GUV! POUND THAT FUCKER! GAWD, WHAT A FUCK!! WHAT A ROGERING! HARDER, SIR! DRIVE ME ALL THE WAY UP TO SCOTLAND! AIIEEE!!"
Denton watched the enormous load being pumped out onto the ground, and over his stroking fist. His hand was drenched in hot, boiling cum!
Roger didn't cry out or say a word. He merely held his cock about halfway in and froze. His body shook in tremors as his huge cock squirted spurt after heavy spurt of jizz into the chauffeur's clenching arsehole.
When Roger finally caught his breath and slowly retrieved his slimy prick from the quivering bung, Carter stayed in place.
"Thank you, Sir. You got a nice touch there. WHEW! That was amazing! You still going after dessert, Guv?"
Denton was all fired up. He stared at the gaping bunghole, watching as Roger's thick cream oozed out and ran down the man's balls. "YOU BEST BELIEVE IT, CHUM!" He knelt closer and turned slightly, aiming his throbbing, dripping prick at Roger. "Mate, I need both hands to tackle this job. Just look at the mess you made!" Roger smiled agree- ably, and knelt down to masturbate his friend. Wrapping his hand around the slippery meat, he looked into Denton's eyes.
"You're on, old man! Stiff upper lip now...or should I say lips and tongue!"
Denton gave his friend a lascivious look, then turned his attention to the problem at hand. Hesitating only momentarily, he dipped down further than originally intended and started to lap up the cum from the chauffeur's dribbling nuts! Cleaning the low hanging testicles thor- oughly, he slowly made his way up into the moist valley. Roger gasped and involuntarily stroked faster and he watched Denton lewdly tongue the fellow's abused, gaping rectal opening. He cleaned all around, then centered on the puffy lips...licking and sucking on them!
Roger's cock was rapidly rising as he watched the wanton performance and it shot up hard and rigid when he saw a huge glob of cream shoot out of the chauffeur's ass onto Denton' outthrust tongue! His assucking friend moaned, delighted, and slurped it in!
"DO IT, YOU FUCKING BUMBOY! SQUEEZE THAT SWEET CREAM OUT OF THERE! SHIT IT RIGHT OUT WHILE I SUCK!!"
Roger felt the shaft he was manipulating tense and grow even more rigid. He jacked it furiously to a thunderous orgasm as he watched Denton's throat move as he swallowed mouthful after mouthful of his thick cream...doubtless mixed with the chauffeur's tangy assjuice!
"You're welcome to join us fishing this weekend, Carter," Denton suggested as the Rolls approached the house. "Unless your girl would mind."
"Fuck the cunt, Guv! You blokes c'n do things she never dreamed of! Beggin' your pardon, Guv, but I sure would like to give that mean lookin' rod of yours a try! Unless, of course, you're well set on fishing!"
"Nonsense," Denton replied cheerfully, "that's what fish markets are for! We will, however, have to pick up some alum for that luscious bumhole of yours!"
Roger laughed. "You're a card, Guv, that you are! Bet you never considered how alum would taste, didja now?!!"
Comments appreciated...please mention story name. bawdypen@hotmail.com