Programmed Emotions

Programmed Emotions Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The world was so confusing as an android.

I grab my phone.  I notice someone calling.  It's my mother.  Call after call.  Text after text.   She's saying how much she's worried about me.  It's weird for her.  I hadn't been gone that long.   My mother sometimes went weeks and weeks without talking to me.  Now she was acting as though she was some overconcerned parent.  It was odd...

I start to face time her when I feel someone grab my phone out my hand.

"Have you lost it?   No calls.  This phone is a part of the system.  They can hack it."

It's one of Bronx's allies.  He's behind me.

"Whose they?"

"The Firewalls.  IT can hack into any human at anytime and control them.  Turn them into a Firewall to do IT's bidding.  That includes your mother."

"My mother would never hurt me."

"IT could log into your mother.  Have her erase you and then delete any memories she has of you in a matter of seconds.  And if you survive a Firewall...they'll send a Programmer.  You don't want to ever meet a Programmer."

"Is it that bad?"

"God I knew you were an idiot but I had no idea you were so ignorant.  No one's ever met a Programmer and lived to talk about it...except for Mr. Finnick and Bronx.  Let's pray you never have to see one.  Give me your phone."

The guy who I'm talking to offers me his hand.

I drop my phone in it.

"You can at least give me your name..."

"Nano."

I'm taken to a beat up room by a guy named Nano.  The group of cyberpunks lived just off campus.  It's a two story brownstone.  There is a steep staircase rising from the street to the entrance on what amounts almost to the second level.  It's attached to apartment buildings side by side.  The apartment definitely seems to be barely put together.  The walls are peeling. There is a stench coming from one of the bathrooms and I can hear the loud sounds of the people next door.

I just had a conversation with Nano's leader Bronx in which he told me God was nothing more than an AI and that there was no such thing as humanity left.  Just people who didn't know they were machines and then people like us---who did.

And it sounded weird but meeting Nano was a clear indication that Bronx was telling the truth.  He was far from human.

He had a game in his hand and was rude like the rest of Bronx's team.  He was handsome in his own way. He was dark skin with pretty soft lips, a solid but lean frame.  Not the kind of guy who could stop traffic but the kind of guy who had the potential to do it if he decided to shave his face a little bit more and straighten up his unruly hair.  It was like he felt above embracing his natural attractiveness for some reason.

"Guess personality fell by the wayside with humanity---whatever happened to them," I laugh trying to make a joke of all this.

Nano doesn't find this funny, "Whatever. We ain't friends.  There.  Room.  Wake up 7.  Like 7am."

"No shit.  Didn't think it was PM."

He'd probably the kind of guy to do that and spend the whole day gaming.

He rolls his eyes, "Whatever.  Don't be late..  Bronx wants to upgrade you."

He couldn't be anymore short.  He couldn't make it anymore clear he didn't want to have this conversation with me.  I was sure Bronx had assigned him the duty to get the new kid situated and he couldn't be bothered.  He looks back down at his game.  I swear I haven't seen a Gameboy since I was a kid but he was playing with it like it's the hottest thing out.

"I don't know what an upgrade is but I'll pass on that."

"Bronx ordered one."

"Don't care.  Bronx is your leader.  I don't give a shit about him."

He seems like he gets really irritated, "I was the one who alerted Bronx you were alive.  He believes in you.  I don't know why. You're a nosy piece of shit if you ask me.  But he believes in you.  I don't know why and I don't care.  I believe in him.  But I need you to be aware of something."

"What's that?"

"If you disappoint him.  If you hurt him.  I'm going to take that personal.  You understand?  I'm going to fucking erase you myself."

The geeky kid may have been dangerous for all I knew.  That wasn't clear yet.  What was clear though is he was looking at Bronx Barnes like he was some sort of cyborg Jesus.  And looks like Nano is trying to make sure that I'm not an android Judas...

~

I can't sleep that night.  How do you sleep when you hear that you're not real.  Maybe that's why I'm up at 5 am sneaking around like an idiot.    And I find myself walking around looking at the house.  The house was so old but there were computers everywhere.  They were all lined up one after the other. And then there was the technical language outlined everywhere.

This place was some sort of hacker's paradise.

I make my way through the maze of technology and make my way to a room.  I start to open the door and realize that it's already open .  And almost immediately I know it's him.  It's his smell.  This is the room that Bronx Barnes sleeps in.

He's not in here but I hear him in the bathroom.  I don't know why I walk in the room.  I don't know why I become an immediate pervert walking up to the bed picking up a shirt he has on the bed and just...sniffing it.  I'm a pervert.  I know it.  But for some reason when I smell his shirt it's not in a sexual way.  He just smells so goddam good.

"Is someone there?" a voice states.

Fuck.  I run at that moment.  Luckily it's still dark outside and the room is dark.  Because I find myself running into a closet as fast as I can.  Just as I get into the closet I notice the weapons in there.  Guns galore.  I should have known someone like Bronx Barnes kept an arsenal in his closet.  It's stuffy in there and much better than being caught sniffing his fucking shirt.

I notice he was in the shower and when he walks out a towel is around his waist.  He walks out of the bathroom in a cloudy haze.  The shower water is still sticking to his skin.  Seeing him without his shirt is everything that I could have imagined.   Those muscles I'd imagined are just as incredible.  The towel clings to his waist, curving around his slim waist, bulging around his heavy crotch and grasping at his voluptuous bubble butt as he lays on the bed.

He stares up at the ceiling and lets out a deep, hard masculine moan stretching his muscles and cracking them slowly.  And he seems to be so deep into thought and I'm just watching him amazed by everything.  Curious what he has on his mind.

"I know you're there," he announces.

Fuck. No. This isn't happening.  No!

My heart races wondering how I explain this one.

But then I realize he's not talking to me.  The front door opens and someone is standing there.  The tall muscular member of his team that I'd seen during their trespassing into my work study building.

"Your sensors are high.  You look like you're on edge," the muscular man says leaning up against the door.

"What do you need Larson?"

"Just concerned about you," the man named Larson tells Bronx, "You need someone to worry about you.  You've been building up this team for years.  Bringing us online had to be a lot of work."

"I am choosing my next team specifically.  I need to make sure I'm right this time.  I need to make sure the revolution succeeds this time.  I need to take care of IT."

"Who's going to take care of you?"

"Larson----"

"It doesn't have to mean anything," Larson states, "Like last time..."

"Larson what are you doing?  Stop----"

I want to say the same thing but I know it's too late.  Larson has taken off his clothes as though rolling off layers of paint.  And then I see his naked body.  The body of a bodybuilder.  Strong solid and ridiculously sexy.  And he has this look in his eyes.  A look that is so intense I almost sweat a little bit.  He's eyeing Bronx as though Bronx is a piece of meat.  But there is one thing more interesting then the 8 inch dick and 3 percent body fat that Larson has.  It's his arm.  It's a fully metallic arm.  Just as muscular as his left arm but made completely of metal.  No skin whatsoever.  Not even his hands which I realize now had a glove attached.

And he's sexy.  I have to admit it.  Maybe that's why Bronx grunts and leans back as though giving into Larson.

Larson walks over, his mouth almost watering when he gets to Bronx.  And what a sight to see muscular Larson remove Bronx's towel.  The sight of seeing Bronx in such a trance as he lifts one leg.  His silhouette is tight, muscular but not the body builder sort of muscular that Larson has.  His body is lean like some sort of perfect model. A body type I prefer so much more to the steroid-like overkill that was Larson.

Larson is desperately licking at Bronx's inner thighs.  His tongue brushes past every part of Bronx.  Bronx doesn't move.  Doesn't whimper.  Doesn't move, regardless of how hard Larson licks. He doesn't even pant when Larson deepthroats him taking his dick into his mouth.  Bronx just closes his eyes.

"Does it feel good?"

No response.

"Bronx?"

I'm amused.  A part of me thinks that maybe he's not interested in Larson.  Sure Larson was sexy but he was a thud.  He was a deep lunky muscular machine.  Surely a powerhouse like Bronx Barnes wouldn't be impressed by something so clearly superficial as huge muscles.

That's when Bronx moves him, "Enough of that."

I think Bronx is going to push him off of him but it's the opposite.  The lack of interaction he's had reverses.  It's as though someone just flicked on a computer's power.  He grabs him secures him up against the bed.

And proceed to FUCK THE SHIT out of him.

I'm amazed, finding myself half jealous and half turned on as I watch how he plows into Larson's throbbing hole.  Larson is screaming loudly.  He's wanting every moment of this.  He's enjoying every thrust.  And in this moment it seems like I understand the obsession even more.  Larson's legs are up in the air with Bronx's chiseled body between his thighs and his hard dick-----which seems to be bigger than any i'd ever seen when he gets erected-----drill into him.  He's more machine than human in these moments.   He's a sex machine.

He drills him hard and long.  I see Larson's tears ring out of his eyes.  Bronx doesn't cum.  He doesn't get the chance.  Larson taps out, tears in his eyes and his legs so weak that he can barely walk to the other side of the room.

"Damn it----Bronx what was that?"

"Sorry I've been tense lately."

"You've never fucked me like that before," Larson responds, "That was intense."

He looks confused and turned on but most of all he looks overwhelmed.  Larson is clearly intimidated by what Bronx just did for the past hour and to be honest I am as well.  I watched it all.  Every thrust.  Every drill.  I watched it all happened with a gaping mouth and envy running through the wires underneath my skin.

If I wasn't human why was I feeling so much emotion from this?  Could a robot feel jealous?

I wasn't sure.  Maybe it was written in.

All I knew was that I was green with envy.  Until he says something strange.  Something very, very odd.

"Sorry it's just a lot of stress with Cassius Rice coming online."

"Cassius Rice? You're having sex with me and thinking about Cassius?"

Wow.

I'm as surprised by the acknowledgement as Larson is.

"Not what you think.  It's just.  He brought himself online.  It wasn't one of us.  You know what this means?"

"He's a lucky son-of-a-bitch.  Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it?  Sometimes ignorance is bliss."

"He's not lucky.  Someone wanted him online.  Meaning that there may be someone on the inside of the system working against IT."

"Impossible."

"I think someone wanted us to find him.  I think someone wanted us to protect him when he came online.  Someone on the inside of the system is helping us...and they could have given us Cassius as a tool to help us."

"I hate to break it to you," Larson states, sighing and shaking his head, "But someone on the inside could also be using Cassius to try to kills us..."

~

It's 2 hours later before I get downstairs and I'm greeted by the same unfriendly faces that I've noticed before.  Nano is behind a computer.  The rest of the group is gathered around in what seems like a little kitchen.

"You're late," Nano states.

"Had to deal with something," is my only answer.

By dealing with something I meant that I was in the shower beating my dick like a madman to the thoughts of Bronx's naked body in a sexual act.  At this point I'm fully obsessed with him but I didn't need to let him know.  So I figured, I'd jack off before I saw him again.  That would help, right?

Wrong.

Bronx walks over to me in the way that he always walks over to me.  He's way too close.  His face gazing into my soul.  He touches me with such interest as though he's touching something for the very first time.  He probably doesn't notice how much he turns people on.  Otherwise why would he do this?  Why would he be killing me so gently?

"Glad you're up," he states, "I realize I haven't had the time to properly introduce you to everyone.  This is Larson, Nano and Tessa."

I met Nano yesterday and I'd seen more of the amazing protein-laden body of Larson than I would like to remember in a lifetime.  Then there was Tessa, the girl with the mohawk.  I take my chances with her first hoping that maybe she would give some sort of softer vibes than the guys.  I'm completely wrong.  My hand is stretched out like an idiot and she just looks at it.  It's the most awkward thing in the world.

"Uh..."

I just freeze like an idiot, hoping one of the people I'm meeting would give a damn to grab my hand.

"C`mon Tessa, can you just be human for a second and shake his hand?"

Tessa gets up from the table with this heavy tension, "I'm not a human.  I never was.  Why would I start acting like one now?"

I feel like I'm walking in on something.  There was a group dynamic here that I couldn't really help.  I felt like the man on the outside.

That's when Larson steps forward with a smug smile on his face, enjoying this, "She's not going to shake your hand so you can put it down kid."

I put my hand down.  How much more awkward did things have to get?

"You must be Larson," I state.

"Don't bother remembering it," Larson states, "People usually don't last the week when they are brought online.   Enjoy your countdown until some firewall erases you."

Larson walks away.   That just leaves me, Nano and Bronx left in the room.  Bronx gives me a little smile trying to make me feel better probably or add some humor to how embarrassing all that was.  There was nothing he could really do.  I felt so alone here.

I didn't fit in.

"They've been online for so long that they just forgot how to be around normal people," he states, "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing.  They hate me."

"They don't hate you," he states, "Our team was a lot bigger not too long ago.   Nano, Tessa and Larson were away.  A programmer came into our old base.  Killed mostly everyone.  If it wasn't for Mr. Finnick showing up and sacrificing his body, I would have died too."

"Is a programmer that dangerous?"

"Machines evolve.  I came close before to destroying IT.  Closer than anyone during the Y2K attack.  After that it upgraded.  That's when the Programmers came.  They are the ultimate killing machines.  If you ever see a programmer, you need to promise me something."

"What?"

"Run...and never look back."

He isn't playing.  The thought a Programmer is making me almost shiver a little bit.

I nod.  He seems to read my mind and realize how dark everything has gotten because he leaves.  When he walks away all I could do is think about the Programmer.  All I could do is think about what was left of Mr. Finnick.  Would it be possible for them to do something like that to me?  What kind of life was that?  Death was probably better.  I'd rather be erased.

I'm surprised when he walks away and comes back with something in his hands.

"I got something for you," he states.

"For me?"

"Yeah, think of it as an apology for leaving you in that car.  I know nothing will ever really make what I did OK but I want to let you know that you have someone out there looking out for you."

"Why are you looking out for me?" I ask staring at the box like it's poison, "We're strangers."

He shakes his head, "We're online.  We share this truth together. And sometimes the truth of all of this gets really heavy to hold.  You need others to make you strong.   We aren't strangers, Cassius. Not anymore.  We're in this together.  We're family."

He offers me the box again, this time with almost hopeful eyes.  I think about taking it.  One of the many times in the last week where I wanted to just walk away and pretend like I'd never met Bronx Barnes.  Maybe then I wouldn't be getting butterflies in my stomach over just a gift.

I am trying to be warm with him but I have my guard up.  Maybe it's because I know he's so damn charming.  Maybe because he makes me feel special when he looks at me like this and gives me this gift.

"You didn't have to get me a----a----USB?

"It's an upgrade," Bronx explains with this level of excitement in his voice or at least what he would consider to be excited, "Online means that you are in the world.  The real world.  There are upgrades we steal from the system."

"What kind of upgrades?"

"Sit...Nano, hook our new boy up," Bronx states.

Nano walks over and he has all of this reluctance.  He looks at Bronx.  He looks at me.  Then he looks at what Bronx is handing to me.  The look on his face says it all.  He's like a kid who badly wants a cookie.  He wants a cookie so bad that he gets mad at anyone else even staring at the cookie.  What he doesn't realize is that him and I are just two people behind the glass.  He should be mad at Larson. At least he gets to visit the cookie store every once in a while.

"This is a Next Gen Upgrade," Nano states.

I don't know what that means and Bronx seems not to care, "Yeah.  So?"

"You didn't give me a Next Gen Upgrade until I was online for at least 6 months," Nano states,  "You know how hard these things are to come by and you're going to waste it on a guy who might not be around in a week?"

"He's worth it."

"Mr. Finnick lost his body to get this.  A programmer killed him for it."

"NANO!" Bronx slams his hand on the table, "Do what I say."

I'd never heard Bronx get so pissed off.  He was this calm, composed, calculated kind of guy.  But the way he slams his hand on the table definitely brings out another side of him.  It's so intense that Larson and Tessa both come in the room to make sure everything is OK.  By now Nano gets the point.  He's already hooking up his computer.

"Yes sir," his voice almost whimpers in a submissive way.  He definitely respected Bronx.

I sit in the chair halfway turned on by Bronx being so aggressive and halfway scared at what the fuck is about to happen.  That's when I see Nano put the usb on one side of his computer and take the wires out of the computer on another side.

That's when he takes a knife out.

"Wait---hold up..."

"I have to get below the skin to get to your wires," he states looking almost confused as to my concern at him coming at me with a knife.

Luckily Bronx takes the knife away from him, "I'll do it."

I'm thankful.  Nano seemed like he knew what he was doing and in my opinion that could be either a really good thing or a really bad thing.  I'd rather not take the chance.

"Here, hold my other hand."

"This part of the process?"

"If trying to make sure you don't pass out from fear is part of the process then yes."

He had a point.  I squeeze onto one hand really tight as he cuts into my skin.  I squirm not trying to look as he and Nano start hooking up the wire underneath my skin.

"What's next..."

"Everything will go white in 4...3...2..."

WHITE.

~

I wake up at that moment.   I feel different.  I'm not sure what happened but when I get back I feel this feeling run through my body.  It's almost as though I was high on weed.  My entire mind seems to be lifting outside of my body a little bit.  The tingly sensation spreads all around me.  I'm aware of muscles now that I didn't know that I had before.

"Oh shit I feel amazing," I state, "Bronx thank you so much for ----Bronx?"

Bronx is staring at me.  His mouth is slightly opened.  At first I think somethings wrong.  Maybe some sort of glitch or something happening.  But no.  This wasn't some crazy tech situation.  This was a human situation.

This was concern...fear...

Confusion...

"It's up..." Tessa states.

I look over at Tessa.  She has dread there.  Her hand is almost shaking with anxiousness as I watch her standing there.   She's some distance away from me.   Larson is close enough but he has some tension in his body with his hands behind his back.  Then there was Nano who has managed to clear the room almost to the other side.

"Did the updates not go through?" I ask.

Bronx shakes his head, "No they went through really well.  Much better than I'd imagined.  It's just that I knew you were special I just didn't know...it was in this way..."

That's when I hear Bronx stutter.  It's a nervous stutter.  Something was wrong.  Very wrong.  And I was freaking out.

"Get me out of these wires."

I get up to take the wires.

"SIT THE FUCK BACK DOWN!  SIT DOWN!"  someone is screaming at me.

Guns are out.  Three guns.   Larson has ripped off his sleeve and exposes his metal arm with his metal hand balled up into a metal fist.  They have gone into offensive mode!  I look around at all the weapons pointed at me.

Why were they so afraid?

What happened?

"You're scaring him," Bronx states.

"Bronx we need to erase this---this THING," Larson warns him, "You know that.  You fucking know that."

"He's right.  This thing needs to go," Nano agrees.

They keep calling me a thing.  I thought we were all androids.

Bronx has his arms up.  He's standing in front of me, blocking me just in case someone's hand gets trigger happy.  I'm so nervous.  What was going on?

"I'm sorry----it's just they've never seen a Programmer before..." he states.

"A Programmer?  Where? Is one coming here?"

That would explain the fear.  I remember how nervous Nano was explaining Programmers the morning before.   I remember being told about what happened to Mr. Finnick's body.  A Programmer did that to him.

"When you were being upgraded we noticed some things."

I'm confused.  I look at Bronx, "Like what?"

"Like you're a fucking Programmer," Nano states.

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