PRIEST, FOREVER 8
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"PRIEST, FOREVER" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
PRIEST, FOREVER
by Andrej Koymasky © 2020
written on January 21st 1995
Translated by the Author
English text kindly revised by Alun.
8 - MOVING
The day after, entrusted the Parish to his Vicar, Don Marco took his horse and went to see the Cardinal. His Eminence couldn't receive him soon, so he had to wait until evening.
"So, our dear Don Marco! I'm sorry I kept you waiting. Will you stay to supper with me?"
"If now your Eminence is so kind to listen to me..."
"Certainly," he said, "is it a serious matter?"
"I am afraid it is, Eminence."
The Cardinal read in the young Priest eyes and he could see the deeply troubled look in Don Marco, therefore said: "Do you possibly prefer to confess?"
"Yes, also, but later. Now I need your advice, and then also to confess, sure. But I don't want to hide under the confession seal what I have to tell you."
"Well, Don Marco, as you wish. Come into my private study then where nobody will disturb us." the Cardinal said guiding him through the wide rooms to a small and simple, quiet room. He sat and made the young Priest sit near him: "So, I'm listening to you."
"Eminence, you know what my problem is. I told you before you ordained me Priest."
"Yes, sure."
"Well, what I feared, has happened. I tried to resist and I presumed I could succeed, but on the contrary, I couldn't. I prayed, I plunged in the Parish activities, I did my best, but all has been useless. Yesterday, it happened."
"I see. But if it is not too difficult for you, I would like you to explain me better. If it doesn't pain you too much."
"No, Eminence, that's why I come to see you immediately." Don Marco said and told him everything, from his first encounter with Beniamino to what happened the day before.
"So now, you have told the boy that you cannot love him and don't want anything to happen again," the Cardinal noted.
"Yes, certainly. But as I said to you, Eminence, I love that boy. I sincerely and deeply love him. And I am strongly attracted to him. Therefore I ask you the grace to be moved to another responsibility."
"Do you want to leave Roccasella?"
"Don't you think it is the best thing to do?"
"You are doing a splendid work in there. People loves you, listens to you, follows you. There is still a great need of you, there. Aren't you sorry to leave all that?"
"Yes, Eminence, I'm sorry. And I will be sorry not to see Beniamino any more. But don't you think it will be better that way? If I remained there, I don't know how long I could resist to temptation. Because I am in love with him and he is in love with me. And if it happens again, you see, at the end I would be forced to doubt of my ability to keep faith to the vow I did. So I would be forced to ask you to free me from my vow and the result would anyway be that I would have to leave Roccasella Parish and cease to be a Priest."
"I see. It looks like you are right. And you seem really sure about your... love for that boy."
"I am, at least as much as my desire to keep faithful to the vow I did, Eminence."
"Well, Don Marco, let's go to have our supper, now. Let me some time to think over this problem. Now we will have our meal, then we will go to sleep. I will have a room prepared for you, here. Tomorrow morning I will give you my answer. But, now, I want to give you my absolution, because what you said to me was also a true confession, you opened your heart to me and to God. Deinde ego the absolvo a peccatis tuis, in nomine Patri, et Filii et Spiritui Sancti."
"Amen."
"And as a penance, Don Marco, before the end of this year you will go in pilgrimage to Padova, to pray on the grave of Saint Antony."
"Thank you, Eminence."
The day after the Cardinal asked Don Marco if he felt like remaining at Roccasella for one more month, so that the passage of the office to his Vicar could be done smoothly. In the meantime he would have sent to Roccasella another priest to become the new Vicar after his departure. In that month the Cardinal would have thought about a new destination for don Marco. The young priest gratefully accepted, and went back to the village.
For some days he didn't meet Beniamino. He felt tempted to go to the tavern, to even just see him, or to go to the old mill to meet him, but prudently he avoided both things. He went, instead, to see the Maestro and asking him to keep the secret for the moment, Don Marco told him that he asked to be moved and that he would leave Roccasella within one month. The elderly man seemed pained.
"Why do you leave us, don Marco? Were not at your ease here with us?"
"On the contrary, I loved being here. But, you did perceive what I feel for Beniamino. That's the reason why I asked to be moved from here."
"Ah, I see. Yes, I can understand your decision, then. But we all will miss you so much! I personally will miss you very much. The village was once again flourishing thanks to you, and I had in you a dear friend."
"The village will continue to flourish, if what I have sown is good. And the Parish will be in the hands of two good priests."
"Eh, his Eminence understood that, to take your place, just one priest was not enough!" the man said with a sad smile.
"Don't say so, or I will put on airs," the young priest jokingly answered.
"One of the things I always liked in you, is your smiling humility. The real humility must always be smiling, but seldom is."
"Don't continue to sing my praise, Maestro Riccardo, or I will believe you. Rather, may I ask you a pleasure?"
"Certainly! If there is anything I can do, all you have to do is ask."
"Beniamino, will you watch on him, please. He is a good boy."
"Don't worry, I will take care of him. But, you will bid him farewell, before living, isn't it?"
"Yes, sure. I will miss him."
"I can guess it. And also for that I admire you very much. At your place, I don't know if I would have been able to do so much a difficult thing. Happily, I never had to face such kind of problem."
"You are a man with his head screwed on his shoulders."
"Whoever, in certain conditions, can lose his head, believe me. Nobody can honestly say that it will never happens to him."
The month elapsed. Don Marco did meet some times with Beniamino, but always in presence of other people, therefore they just exchanged trivial words or at most a smile. Yet when the moment came to communicate to the community about his moving, Don Marco wanted to tell first to Beniamino. He didn't want the boy hearing that news from other people. Therefore, the evening, he went to the tavern.
"Oh, Don Marco, welcome! Lately you didn't show up here. We thought you did take a dislike to us," the tavern keeper said merrily.
"On the contrary. I just was a little more busy than usual. This evening also, to tell the truth, I am a little in hurry, but I did find the time to come and drink a glass of wine."
"Very well, then it is up on me!" one of the persons said.
Beniamino brought him the wine.
So, Don Marco said to him: "I would like to talk to you a moment. Can you come out, when I go back?"
"Yes, sure." the boy answered with a luminous smile.
Don Marco chatted a while with some customers, then bade the goodnight and went out of the inn.
A moment later Beniamino arrived: "Here I am!" he said cheerfully.
"Do you feel like having a short walk?"
"Sure."
"I wanted you to know before the others."
"What?"
"Next Sunday, after the Mass, I will go away. I will leave Roccasella. Forever. Tomorrow I will tell this to everybody, during the liturgy..."
"You quit? Forever?" Beniamino asked stopping abruptly and looking at him with widened eyes, then added in a low voice, "It is my fault, right?"
"No, it is not your fault. But because of what happened. You are not guilty."
"It is my fault. But why?"
"You know it. If I remained here, I will not able to be faithful to the choices I did. I will make you suffer, and I will suffer. This way is better."
"Because you love me? Isn't it that way?"
"Because I love you and you love me."
"And you want to be faithful to Him. He has all the luck, for sure! Life... my life without you will be again so dull and boring. Thank you, anyway, for wanting me to be the first to know about."
"To me, you are and remain the most important person on this earth, believe me."
"It is difficult to believe, as what you are doing is right not to meet me again. And yet, I believe you, because I know that you are not able to lie. But also with this choice you are making me suffer, and you to are suffering, isn't it so?"
"Yes, but... you must try and understand, Beniamino."
"I try to understand, yes, I try to understand."
The following morning, during the seven o' clock mass, Don Marco announced his departure. The news spread in a flash. A procession of people went to the rectory, praying for him to remain in Roccasella. Even men that never or seldom went to Church, asked him to stay. Then, spontaneously, several people went to see Maestro Perri, asking him to organise, for the following Sunday, a farewell celebration in honour of Don Marco.
On Sunday, when Don Marco entered the Church, his heart missed a beat. Everyone in the village had turned up to see him. Not one seat could be found within the Church. Those that didn't have a seat were congregating at the Church door and steps. He said the Mass moved, and for the last time he gave his sermon. He ended thanking everybody:
"You went to bid me farewell, and I thank you for that. I will take you all into my heart, everybody. I never saw this Church so crowded. Well, if you want make me a present, I ask you just one thing: please, continue to come to hear the mass, numerous as today you are, every Sunday, and please pray for me. For my part, I will at all my masses pray for you, I promise. And love you each other as I loved you, or rather, more than that, as He loves you. Amen."
"Amen." the crowd, moved, answered.
After the Mass, Don Marco pulled out all the hangings, went to the rectory and said goodbye to the new Priests. He wore his mantle, took his saddlebag, mounted his horse and went on his way out of Roccasella. Outside there was two wings of people, compact and silent. They lined all along the road with flowers in their hands. As the horse slowly passed towards the valley gate, they threw the flowers in front of him. They never uttered a word as he went by. Several people, even men, had tears flowing in their faces. Near the gate, the children's chorus, sang a hymn at his passage. Don Marco, deeply moved, passed blessing everybody.
Whilst in Church, during the Mass he had caught a glimpse of Beniamino, standing up near a column, but now he uselessly searched for his face amongst the crowd. He thought: "He didn't have the courage to see me going away, poor boy.". Passed the gate, accompanied by the chorus children's voices, Don Marco went down towards the valley, until the voices vanished, far away. He looked back: from that point it was possible to see just the roofs of the Abbey and higher still, the Castle. Goodbye! he thought and spurred the horse on. Don Marco went down along the winding dirty road.
Sudden, a figure sprang out in the middle of the road. He immediately recognised it: it was Beniamino. Don Marco stopped his horse and dismounted.
"Beniamino!"
"Marco..."
"You came to bid me farewell, then?"
"Did you think the contrary? But I wanted to greet you alone, and I knew that it would have been impossible in the village."
"How could you manage to arrive to here so fast? You were in the Church to the last moment!"
"I ran like a madman, taking the shortcuts."
They were standing the one in front of the other, just one palm away. Beniamino slightly panted.
"Can I embrace you, before you leave?" the boy hesitantly asked.
Don Marco opened his arms and the boy sought comfort in them. They held each other tight. When the Priest parted from the boy, saw that Beniamino was quietly crying. He dried his tears with his fingers, in a light caress.
Beniamino took his hand and kissed it: "Don't leave me!"
"I cannot."
"I know, but I had to ask you. I love you, Marco."
"I love you, Beniamino."
"I will love you forever and ever."
"I too will. But you... You will find a companion able to love you and who will make you happy."
"No, that's impossible."
"You will, believe to me."
"And when?"
"Next Spring."
"And how can I recognise him?"
"He will give you a Castle." Don Marco said and, while he was saying these words, asked himself why on the earth he said so a stupid thing to the boy.
Beniamino smiled, like a child listening to a nice fairy tale, and said: "All right, I will wait for him."
"Now I have to go."
"I know. May God bless you in all that you do, Marco."
"Goodbye."
"See you again," the boy said while the Priest mounted his horse and proceeded out of Roccasella at full gallop, not once looking back. "No, not goodbye, Marco. See you again!" the boy murmured looking him rapidly going away in a dust cloud.
Don Marco's heart was in turmoil. He was feeling the miles, rapidly increasing parting him from the boy, like a lacerating thorn inside his heart.
"Lord, oh Lord! watch over Beniamino! Assist, help, guard him, Lord!" he was unceasingly praying inside his heart, having, still in his eyes, the sad smile with which the boy bade him farewell.
When he was in town, he immediately presented himself to the Cardinal Perri.
"Well, Don Marco Deregibus. I thought very much to you all long these days, and I prayed to the Lord to enlighten me. Your sermons are very good, as the good Don Caselli had the occasion to tell me, you shine for love and doctrine, and are able to touch the hearts of people. Therefore I planned for you a double work. I will install you as the Parson of the University Parish. Every Friday, I would like you to give sermons at our seminary."
"But, Eminence, you want to put me amongst young men?" the amazed Don Marco asked.
"Why that stupefied expression? You are skilled with the youths, and the young people doesn't yet have a hardened heart. Who better than you..."
"But with my problem, Eminence..."
"You did your choice, showing a great courage. You always have been honest with yourself, with me, and what is more, with Our Lord. I blindly trust you. Trust yourself a little, please."
"Having trusted too much to my presumed strength, I did fall, Eminence."
"Making mistakes, one learns! Is it not so?"
"Eminence, forgive me, I would like you to consider again the matter."
"I thought about it more than enough. And now I ask you to do as I said, for obedience." the Cardinal said with a kind smile.
"Fiat voluntas Domini." Don Marco humbly answered.
So, Don Marco started his new task. First he inquired after all the University students about their personal conditions, about their families and where they lived. Once that was in order he started to go and visit them. He frequented the places they frequented. Then he started the whole process again with the other Parishioners. A part for celebrating the mass and hearing the confession, all the day long he was out and around. He devoted a great part of his nights to study and to prepare his sermons for the seminary and for the Sunday Mass. He was untiring and notwithstanding he slept no more than four hours per night. He always was full of energies and serenity.
Each evening, before falling asleep, and each morning in his Mass, he prayed for Beniamino, who always was in his heart. He never asked somebody to go to the Church, but his fascination was such that little by little the Church filled, even with university students. The young men, after the Mass, started going to the sacristy to discuss with him about the content of his sermons or of the Sunday lectures. Little by little they increased so much that Don Marco, after pulling out his hangings, had to go back to the Church where more and more numerous students were waiting for him. The church was like transformed in a debate, lesson, thorough discussion classroom.
The fame of these informal lessons spread and even teachers started to attend. Don Marco was well prepared, but moreover he was reading, studying, deepening the subjects, he was continuously getting up to date. After a while the seminary rector, who went to hear for several Sundays these peculiar after-Mass reunions, decided that all the seminarians who wanted, could participate. In the span of a few months, the Church was full. Don Marco accepted any question, provided it was directly pertinent to the lectures of that Sunday and to his sermon. For any other question, he decidedly answered: "If you want, we can talk about this subject in another place and occasion."
Once, even the Cardinal arrived. When Don Marco saw him, he invited the Cardinal to preside over the meeting.
"No, thank you, but I am just a passer-by. Don't worry about me, please." the Cardinal answered sitting in one of the pews, amongst the people.
He never intervened. At the end, when as usual at the one o' clock chime, Don Marco invited everybody to go back home for the meal, the Cardinal approached him.
"I am sorry I am always so busy, and I cannot come often. It has been fascinating hearing you. Continue in this way, Don Marco, you are carrying out a fine work, and precious. May God bless you and your work."
Don Marco continued in his task. A great number of university students approached again to the Church and to the sacraments, and asked him to become their spiritual father. So the Cardinal, to relieve in part his heavy work, had to assign him another Priest who could take care of the normal run of the Parish.
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 2
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